Frozen In Your Stubbornness

, , , , , , | | Romantic | May 16, 2019

(I drive my partner to and from work so I can have the car all day. Our car doesn’t have a roof, so it can get pretty cold when it’s windy. This is fine in the summer. When autumn rolls around, however…)

Me: “Do you want to take a jacket?”

Partner: “Nah. It’s only a 15-minute ride. I’ll be fine.”

(My partner is shivering by the time we get there. Nine hours later…)

Me: *on the phone* “I can bring you a jacket.”

Partner: “Nope!”

Me: “It’s evening. It’s going to be much colder.”

Partner: “I’m fine!”

(My partner shivers the whole way and wraps up in a blanket when we get home. I eventually stop asking; I figured my partner will break faster if it isn’t “my” idea to bring a jacket. Two weeks later…)

Partner: “Oh, and don’t let me forget to grab a jacket!”

Me: “I thought you said it wasn’t needed for a 15-minute ride?”

Partner: *sheepish* “I… may have been a bit stubborn…”

Me: *hugs* “I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself now. I don’t nag because I hate you, you know. It’s not a contest.”

Partner: “I know…”

Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 26

, , , , , , | | Romantic | May 12, 2019

(I’m in bed with my husband watching YouTube. I just showed him a story on Not Always Romantic where a husband calls his wife’s butt “Jigglypuff.”)

Me: “This story reminds me of you.”

Husband: *reads it* “Huh.”

Me: “If you ever call my butt that, I’ll end you.”

Husband: “No, yours is more like Wigglytuff.”

Me: *glaring* “Why?”

Husband: “Because it wiggles and instead of a butt, it’s tuff.”

Me: *glares*

Husband: “…”

Me: *keeps glaring*

Husband: “Wait! I got it, Big Red! Because it’s big and gets red when I smack it!”

Me: “Why did I marry you?”

Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 25
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 24
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 23

Part And Parcel With Growing Old Together

, , , , | | Romantic | May 10, 2019

(I go to the mail delivery office to pick up a parcel, and the police are there wanting to pick up a suspicious parcel they’ve asked Royal Mail to intercept, but Royal Mail has lost the parcel. I text this to my mum, who finds it funny so she shows my dad. He just gives her a blank look. It doesn’t come up again until two days later…)

Mum: “I’m going to phone [My Name] in a minute.”

Dad: “Was it something we sent?”

Mum: “Was what something we sent?”

Dad: “The parcel.”

Mum: “Which parcel?”

Dad: “The one which the police wanted.”

Mum: “No! It was nothing to do with [My Name]. She just happened to be there at the time.”

Dad: “Was she arrested?”

Mum: “No, it wasn’t her parcel.”

Dad: “So, what was in it?”

Mum: “I’ve no idea…”

Dad: “So, are the police going to speak to her?”

Mum: “It had nothing to do with her. She just overheard it.”

Dad: “What was she ordering that was suspicious?”

Mum: “She was just getting a book she’d ordered off eBay. It wasn’t her parcel that was suspicious.”

Dad: “So, why did the police think her book was suspicious?”

Mum: “I… I’m going to phone [My Name] now.”

It’s Okay; Easter Hasn’t Been About Christianity For A Long Time, Anyway

, , , , | | Romantic | May 8, 2019

(My office hands out an Easter goodie: a limited-edition chocolate bar of a famous fair-trade chocolate brand. It’s clearly an Easter edition, with Easter eggs and the word “Easter” on it. After Easter, we have a few left.)

Me: *to a couple of coworkers* “If someone wants, they can have a second chocolate bar!”

(A coworker practically dives on top of the bars.)

Coworker: “Ooh, I needed a gift for my wife! It has been such a while since I gave her anything!”

Me: *jokingly* “So, your wife gets free Easter chocolate after Easter?”

Coworker: “Don’t judge me! We’re Muslim, so we don’t give a s*** about Easter, anyway.”

(I hope she’ll like the chocolate bar.)

Our Dog Is Baller In His Own Special Way

, , , , , | | Right | April 30, 2019

(My husband and I adopted a dog from a family who couldn’t care for him about six months ago. The dog is about a year old and has no visible testicles. The vet has advised waiting until he is past the “puppy stage” for further testing. This evening my husband is giving the dog a belly rub.)

Husband: “Buck, where are your balls?”

Buck: *gets up, goes to the kitchen, returns with his squeaky ball*

Me: “Good boy!” *to husband* “That’s the only ball he has.”

Husband: *laughs until he cries*

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