(I work at a bank call center. The accounts have security phrases that the customers need to confirm when they call so they can get assistance. I receive a call from a man who hasn’t called since 2016; he doesn’t remember his phrase. They can check and change this phrase in their accounts online, so he has his wife go and check. The phrase was, “I love my wife.”)

Wife: *while laughing* “I’ll make sure he doesn’t forget that.”

(It was one of the sweetest calls I’ve had.)

Wife: *in the bathroom* “Could you bring me the TP?”

(I bring her the little teepee she made for our daughter as a fort.)

Wife: *does not laugh*

(My grandparents are riding their bicycles and the path goes over a stream. My grandma’s front wheel catches on a rut and she goes over the handlebars. She ends up rolling down the embankment of the stream, and if it wasn’t for the help of an elderly couple nearby, she would have rolled into the water. As soon as they make sure my grandma is safe, the man turns to his wife and says:)

Man: “See, [Wife]? Women are still falling for me.”

(I have just arrived home for the holidays. Unfortunately, I have to turn in — i.e. upload to our e-learning platform — important homework for university on December 26th. I sit down and turn on the computer, only to be met with a “no Internet connection” message. Oh, no! I restart everything and still don’t get a connection. Since that is about as far as my computer knowledge goes, I text my husband who’s still at work.)

Me: “Hey, I’m home, but I can’t get online.”

Husband: “I think it’s due to the last OS update. Had the same problem. Just restart.”

Me: “I did that already, but I’ll try again.”

(It doesn’t help. I notice that I get Wi-Fi on my phone, though, and all the relevant lights on the router are on. Thus, I decide to run my computer’s network diagnostics.)

Me: “Darling, the restart didn’t help, but diagnostics say something about a missing cable?”

Husband: “Nah, I’m sure it’s due to that update. Took me a while, too. Just use my computer in the meantime.”

(I start his computer, which, true to his word, is connected to the Internet. On a hunch, I go back and crawl under my desk. Hidden behind my computer case, I notice a cable that’s not plugged in anywhere. I’m sure it should go somewhere, and I finally figure out that it goes into the switch under my desk. Once the cable is plugged in, I’m back online. Half relieved and half exasperated, I text my husband.)

Me: “It was the cable, just as the diagnostics said. There was an unplugged cable under my desk.”

Husband: “Oops, I forgot! When I couldn’t get online, I frantically unplugged and replugged everything until I decided to just restart the computer… I must have overlooked that one.”

Me: “…”

(My husband and I are doing some cleaning over the weekend when this happens.)

Husband: “Oh, and I threw out that one aluminum can earlier.”

Me: *curious* “Why would you do that? That would have gone in the recycling.”

Husband: *shrugs* “In this state, you don’t get five cents back like you do with other states, so there is really no point in recycling that if I’m not getting anything back for it.” *walks out of the kitchen*

Me: *glaring in his general direction, quietly to myself* “Are you serious?!”

(I then went back to finishing the dishes, having a pointed mental lecture with him about the point of recycling. I was also wondering why I was just now finding out about his views on recycling when we have been married for almost a decade.)