(My husband and I are visiting our very good friends and messing with each other. My friend has been complaining that her husband has been annoying her all day. I am sitting near her husband with their baby in between us. My friend is speaking about a familial situation and mentions a name.)
Friend: “Ray-mon.”
Me: “Raymon?”
Friend: “Raymon.”
Me: *so confused* “Raymond or Raymon?”
Friend: “Yes.”
Me: “…” *looks at her husband*
Friend’s Husband: *spells it* “R-A-Y-M-O-N-D.”
Me: “Oh, Raymond! You keep saying Raymon!”
Friend: “Yeah, Raymon!”
(I just stare at her at his point, confused beyond belief, and she and her husband begin to bicker about it.)
Me: “Look, you keep saying Raymon, not Raymond! You are leaving off the D!”
Friend’s Husband: “Yeah, she’s saving it for later!”
(Everything dissolved. I took the baby out of the way as my friend screeched at me to flee and proceeded to launch herself at her husband while he and I hysterically laughed.)
(I am married to a fellow Marine, a man with two left feet and no sense of rhythm. He hates to dance; probably inevitably, I am a dancin’ fool. We come to terms with this early in our relationship, or at least I think so.
It’s Friday and we are meeting at the Officer’s Club. This particular club has a DJ and dancing on Fridays. I sprained my ankle earlier this week, so I come limping into the bar on my crutches and greet my husband.)
Me: “I see the DJ is getting ready.”
Husband: *in a tragic tone of voice, glancing at my crutches* “Yes, and I was just going to ask you to dance!”
(I tried to smack him with a crutch but he was too fast for me.)
(I am the cashier at a popular ice cream fast food chain. This occurs as I am serving a couple who are approximately in their late sixties.)
Me: “Hello! What can I get for you today?”
Customer #1: “Hello, I’ll take a chocolate sundae and whatever she’s having.”
Customer #2: “I’ll just have an ice cream cone, please. Thank you for paying; that’s quite sweet of you.”
Customer #1: “Eh, from this I’m just hoping to get lucky!”
(The customers chuckled a bit as I was struggling to contain my laughter!)
(My husband and I are scrolling Netflix trying to find a movie to watch. He finally finds what he’s looking for. I like thrillers and hate most adult comedies. I’m thinking, “‘Blade Runner’? Um, weird, it feels familiar… but negatively…”)
Me: “Well, I have some vague associations with this movie… Are there robots?”
Husband: “Yes.”
Me: “Is it silly?”
Husband: “No.”
Me: *makes a face*
Husband: “What?”
Me: “I just feel weird about the movie, like the words mean something to me but I don’t know what.”
Husband: “Look, the title Blade Runner has nothing to do with what actually happens in the movie.”
Me: *still hesitant, makes faces* “I’ll watch it. I just have an odd feeling that I don’t like it, but I don’t remember Harrison Ford at all.”
Husband: “ARE YOU THINKING OF BLADES OF GLORY?!”
Me: “Is it stupid?”
Husband: “It’s silly.”
Me: “Is there… ice skating?”
Husband: “In Blades of Glory, yes.”
Me: “I guess that’s what I was thinking of. Thanks to your logical brain, making sense of my cognitive dissonances.”
(My partner is doing something involving computer code.)
Me: “What ‘cha doing?”
Partner: “Just a course on image analysis.”
Me: “What language is it in?”
Partner: *looks at me like I’m stupid* “English.”
Me: *laughing* “Man, you only know English; that wasn’t the question.”
Partner: “Oh! Matlab.”
