Asking On The Cuff

, , , , , | Right | August 8, 2017

(The phone rings.)

Manager: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [Manager]. How can I help you?”

Female Caller: “A man is going to call you and ask if you sell handcuffs. Tell him you don’t.”

(About two hours later, the phone rings again.)

Male Caller: “Hey, um, do you sell handcuffs?”

Manager: “Yes.”

Male Caller: “I’m parked in the back. If I give you my card, could you bring me the handcuff keys?”

(My manager went into the back parking lot to find that this guy had been handcuffed to his steering wheel. Instead of making him pay for handcuffs, my manager pulled out his key and unlocked them. Not only had this woman gotten mad enough to handcuff him to the steering wheel, she called every adult store in the area to tell them not to sell him keys. Hell hath no fury…)

Screaming Until You’re Blue In The Face

, , , , , | Related | August 2, 2017

(My husband and I are first time parents, and we’ve had our baby son home for less than a month, so we are still getting used to parenting. My son is sleeping peacefully in my husband’s arms when suddenly he wakes up and just starts screaming!)

Me: “What’s wrong with the baby?!”

Husband: “I don’t know. He just started screaming for no reason!”

(I start to cross the room to check on the baby when…)

Husband: “Oh, that’s why… He’s blue.”

Me: “WHAT?! Is he okay?! Why is he blue?!”

(I start freaking out and I can’t figure out why my husband isn’t freaking out, more than that, he’s laughing at me!)

Husband: *he says through uncontrollable laughter* “The diaper… The diaper is blue. The line that indicates the diaper is wet.. It’s blue.”

Me: “Phrasing, honey…”

Shopping For A Clue

, , , , | Right | June 15, 2017

(While at work on my register, an old man comes through my line.)

Me: “Do you have your [Store] card?”

Man: “A [Store] card? I don’t have anything. My wife died.”

Replacing A Labor Coach With A Labor Couch

, , , , , , , | Working | June 10, 2017

(My husband and I are expecting our first baby. My husband’s supervisor wants to send him out of state for a week of training right after the baby is due. His supervisor calls me.)

Supervisor: “Well, I know that you’re due to have your baby soon, but I really want [Husband] to go to this week-long training session.”

Me: “Hey, you know that white couch your wife has in the living room?”

Supervisor: “Yes.”

Me: “If you send [Husband] out for that training session, when I go into labor I’m coming over to your house and having this baby on that couch.”

(My husband’s supervisor decided that he could put off the training for a while.)

Treat Them Like Number One

, , | MI, USA | Hopeless | July 28, 2016

(My wife is about eight months pregnant. We are out for a day trip, and she feels a sudden need to use the bathroom. Only one shop is open nearby. Unfortunately, there is a large “No Public Restroom” sign on the front door, but we have to try given the lack of options. The shop has a grumpy-looking older shopkeeper.)

Shopkeeper: “What can I do for you?”

Me: “Sorry, I saw the sign, but is there any chance my wife could use your bathroom?”

Shopkeeper: “No! The sign is there for a reason.”

(At this point, my wife, who is very visibly pregnant and waddling accordingly, comes around the corner into view.)

Shopkeeper: “Wait, for her?”

Me: “Yes, she’s—”

Shopkeeper: “My wife says I have to bend the rule for pregnant women and small children. Can’t imagine how much trouble I’ll be in if I say no. Come on back here, ma’am.”

(Thank you to the wife whose consideration and threats outweighed her husband’s rules!)

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