The waiters in Spain generally speak English quite well, and it rarely stops us, non-Spanish-speaking tourists, from navigating the menu or the ordering process. However, while you can’t expect them to have perfect grammar, they often omit past tense in verbs and the like. Totally understandable, and usually it doesn’t affect the communication one bit.

We’re eating quite late at a tapas restaurant, and as we are given our first plates of food, the waiter tells us that we can’t order anything else. It’s obviously been a long shift, and he seems tired and a bit frazzled, albeit perfectly professional and good at his job.

Waiter: “The chicken is close.”

Cue confusion around the table. It just sounds so ominous!

Me: “You mean… the kitchen is closed?”

Waiter: *Horror-struck expression.* “Oh, yes, the KITCHEN!”

It has since become a saying in our home; if something strange happens, it’s because of the inbound chicken.

I’m the HR Manager for a large hotel in the south of Spain. Every year, in early March, we have to recruit for the summer season. Every year, it gets harder because there are more businesses competing for the same or even fewer people who are looking for work.

Within my company, my job is to screen CVs, the heads of departments conduct interviews, and make the hiring decision. I then pick the process up, go to offer, check references, and complete onboarding. It can be intense, as once a hiring decision is made, I have to work really quickly to get people on board.

This is a conversation I had multiple times, with multiple managers in March:

Me: “Hey, how are you getting on with the interviews?”

Hiring Manager: “I’ve been too busy; I didn’t meet with anyone.”

Me: “What help do you need?”

Hiring Manager: “I just need people. Until I get someone else on the team, I can’t do interviews because I’m too busy.”

Then with my general manager:

General Manager: “Why are they not getting anyone for that job?”

Me: “Boss, they’ve had the CVs, they haven’t read them, and wonder why no one is starting.” 

General Manager: “Maybe you could help them out?”

Then back to the hiring manager:

Me: “[Hiring Manager], what help do you need with those CVs?”

Hiring Manager: “I need people. Why is no one starting this week in my department? I can’t look at those CVs until I get someone!”

I’m a flight attendant on a flight from London, UK, to Santiago de Compostela, in Spain. We’ve just made an announcement that our plane is preparing to land.

Passenger: “Wait, we’re landing already?!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. It’s only a two-hour flight.”

Passenger: “But, that can’t be right?! Is this a layover?”

Me: “No, ma’am, this is a direct flight.”

Passenger: “You’re telling me that we got from England to Chile in two hours?!”

Me: “We flew from England to Spain in two hours.”

Penny drops.

Me: “Ma’am, did you think that Santiago de Compostela is the same as Santiago, Chile?”

Passenger: *Face goes pale.* “You mean it isn’t?!”

Me: “No, ma’am. They’re two very different cities. We’re about to land in Northern Spain.”

Passenger: “Is… is onboard wifi still working?”

Me: “For the next ten minutes, ma’am.”

She thanks me and gets on a data call on her phone. As I pass by her a few minutes later, I overhear:

Passenger: “Stop laughing! Yes, the flight was really cheap, but I just thought I was getting a good deal! I had my wine tour booked and everything!”

After landing, we offered her some assistance, including getting her on a return flight back to London if she needed it, but instead she decided she would spend the weekend here after finding out that Spain also makes wine…

We were visiting Spain, and we were in a very large department store. We saw something we wanted to buy and carried it to a counter. We were the only customers in sight, and there were two saleswomen behind the counter talking to each other rapidly in Spanish.

We waited patiently while they did tasks at the counter, still chatting. They never seemed to notice us at all. Finally, having finished their tasks, they kissed each other on the cheeks and walked off in opposite directions, leaving us still standing there.

We burst out laughing, put down the thing we wanted to buy, and left.

Reading this story reminded me of a similar experience in my own youth.

Whilst on holiday in Spain, a few mates and I are watching a football game being played in England. A team scored in the first half, and one of my mates says to me:

Friend: “I’d best phone my dad and tell him to put a bet on [the player who had just scored] as first scorer.”

Me: “Why? He already just scored.”

Friend: “Exactly. If he goes now, he can get the bet in before it happens in England.”

Me: “I don’t… wait.”

All of us turn away from the footie and stare at our friend. Trust me, for a bunch of British lads to take their eyes off of the game, something must be REALLY distracting us.

Me: “…[Friend], do you think we’re an hour ahead of England… as in an hour in the future?!”

Friend: “Well, yeah. It’s three here but only two back there.”

We didn’t let him live it down the entire holiday.

Related:
When You’ve Totally Time-Zoned Out