“Know-It-All” Is Code For “A**hole”
The one good thing about lockdown has been working from home and not next to my idiot coworker. He is a typical know-it-all, never wrong, always right, even when proven otherwise.
He is one person in this world I cannot abide and cannot hold my tongue. Everyone at work seems to find it hilarious that I, being such a quiet and meek person, give this one person such an earful.
We are having a team catchup; I am staying mostly quiet. All work stuff has been discussed and we are talking about how we are getting on in lockdown. My know-it-all coworker has hinted several times that he has ignored all company and government guidelines. Then, he comes out with this:
Coworker: “Look. All I’m saying is that I am not responsible for other people’s health.”
Me: “But you are responsible for your actions that affect others. I mean, if you go around brake-checking other cars, you are still at fault for the accident, no matter who was putting themselves at risk at the time. You are affecting others with your choice not to wear masks or wash your hands.”
Coworker: “I don’t understand. Why do I have to wear a mask and stay indoors? I’m healthy. Why can’t the old people just keep away from me?”
Me: “‘Old people’ are still people; they still need to eat, shop, and exercise. They need to leave the house for that and — shock! — interact with others. What do you propose, locking them inside?! Maybe a cozy cell somewhere.”
Coworker: “Then why can’t people do those things for them?”
Me: “If you were any more stupid, you would swallow your mask!”
Senior Manager: “[My Name]! I don’t think that behaviour is appropriate!”
Coworker: “I’m not wearing a mask and no one will make me!”
Senior Manager: “Just to remind everyone, masks are mandatory at work, as are hand sanitiser and distancing.”
Coworker: “I’m not wearing one.”
Senior Manager: “Yes. Yes, you are. I happen to know that you can wear one, according to your risk assessment.”
Coworker: “I lied. I can’t wear one.”
Senior Manager: “Okay, that can be remedied. Please contact Human Resources as to why you felt it was appropriate to lie on a mandatory legal safety form and how you plan to conduct your site-based key worker role while not working on site.”
Coworker: “Fine, I will!”
I asked a few weeks later, and no one had seen [Coworker] on site since, and he wasn’t answering emails, either. I can only assume his big stand against HR and the law didn’t go so well for him.