(I’m checking out customers when a guy comes up to me, looking furious.)
Me: “Hi, how are you doing today? Find everything?”
Customer: “No. I need a f****** rain-check!”
Me: *taken aback* “Okay… For what product?”
Customer: “I want ten of the two-liter pops for $1 each!”
Me: “The two-liter [Soda]s?”
Customer: “Yeah! You gonna write it down or just stand around?!”
Me: *stares past him, at a massive display of two-liter pops, with the sign that says: “[Soda]: 10/$1”*
Customer: “The f*** you looking at?”
Me: *doesn’t answer, just points*
Customer: *looks where I’m looking* “HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO SEE THAT?!”
Me: “It’s visible as soon as you walk in, sir.”
Customer: “F*** YOU!” *storms out*
(I work in a clothing store that is marketed towards and frequented by female teachers. I am just finishing up my undergrad in elementary education. We have a discount for teachers who can provide some sort of proof — ID, paystubs, etc. — that they’re teachers and I always like to talk to the people who ask about the discount and pick their brains about teaching.)
Customer: “You guys have a teachers’ discount, right? For 25% off?”
(She looks about my age, if not younger, which immediately makes me think she’s a student, and not actually a teacher, but I give her the benefit of the doubt.)
Me: “It’s actually 15% off, but only off of full-price items, and everything you’re getting today is on sale, so I can’t add it on top of that.”
Customer: “Oh, okay!”
Me: “What do you teach?”
Customer: “Oh, um, actually, I’m doing Teach for America.”
Me: “Nice. I’m just finishing studying education at [Local University] and I’ll be starting my student teaching in the fall.”
Customer: “I actually got a degree in advertising, but I’m going to New Mexico next year for the program.”
Me: “Ah, okay.”
(Girl, you’re a year out from the job and you want a discount? Get your non-education going-into-education BS away from me.)
(I recently started working at a gas station. We were told to ID anyone who looks under 50 because the store recently had a problem with selling to minors. I’m working the register when a guy comes up with a single beer.)
Me: “Hey there! Can I get you anything else today?”
Customer: “No.”
Me: “Can I see your ID for the beer, please?”
Customer: “I don’t have it on me.”
Me: “I’m really sorry, but I can’t sell to you unless you have your ID.”
Customer: “That’s okay. I’ll go put it back.”
(I’m thinking, “Whew, that went better than I thought it would,” and I continue waiting on customers. A few minutes later the guy comes back up with an empty can and tries to hand me money.)
Customer: “I drank this, and here is my money for it.”
Me: “What the…”
(He took the beer into our bathroom and drank the entire thing. I call my boss up to the store to see how she would like to handle this. She takes his money and he leaves the store.)
Me: “I’m pretty sure he drank that in the bathroom.”
Boss: “And that is why when we deny a sale we put the beer behind the counter.”
(We both had a great laugh about it, and I no longer let a customer “put it back.”)
(When my daughter is little we enjoy wandering through pet stores looking at the animals. This is overheard at one location.)
Woman #1: “Oh, look at those cute animals. What are they?”
Woman #2: “The sign says that they’re ferrets.”
Woman #1: “They don’t bite do they?”
Woman #2: “I’m sure they don’t. A pet store wouldn’t sell animals that bite.”
Daughter: “Mom, didn’t Grandpa tell us that once when he was hunting rabbits with his ferret that it bit him?”
Me: “Yes, he did.”
Daughter: “Why did those ladies think that animals don’t bite? Even my gerbils bite.”
(I am at a large retail store looking for something for my wife. I am wearing a T-shirt and some beige pants.)
Two Ladies: “Excuse me do you know where the Ice machines are?”
Me: “Uh… I look down at what I am wearing.”
One Lady: “HA! He’s all like “Do I look like I work here.””
They wander off without another word.
Me to myself: That is completely accurate.
