(This little girl around seven years of age comes into our store with her mother. I spot them and joke with my fellow coworker, telling her she should take this order.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], this one’s all you.”

Coworker: “Nah, dude. It’s your turn.”

(I reluctantly agree and step up to the register to take their order. The little girl speaks in an extremely condescending tone. It seems she heard what I said to my coworker.)

Girl: “I agree; you should let her do it.”

(I do a double-take, a little shocked.)

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Girl: “You told her she should take my order. I agree. Let her do it.”

(The little brat’s mother doesn’t care at all about how her daughter is speaking to me. As my coworker is taking their order, the little girl continues to make rude, snide remarks.)

Coworker: *after taking the mother’s order, now speaking to the daughter* “All right, and what can I get for you?”

Girl: “Nothing. Your food sucks. I think I’ll stick to [Other Fast Food Chain], thanks.”

(I just walked away, shaking my head. This girl couldn’t have been more than seven years old, and she was treating both my coworker and me like she was our superior.)

(My family has always been accident-prone, especially my brother and me. When he gets married and they start having a family, I decide to warn my sister-in-law.)

Me: “Are you sure you want to do this? Just so you know, my brother has the Mother’s Curse. ‘May you have children like yourself so you know what it’s like.’”

Sister-In-Law: “Oh, it’s worse than that. I have the Mother’s Curse, too. So it’s doubled!

(Fast forward several years and four kids later. At a family gathering, my sister-in-law explains all of the times in the last year that her children have been in Urgent Care from accidental injuries.)

Sister: *referring to my experience after an injury that required repeated medical interventions* “Well, as long as the ER nurses don’t know you by name, I think you’re doing just fine.”

Sister-In-Law: “Well, they don’t know us by name, but they sort of recognize us now.”

(On a later date, my brother is joking with our father:)

Brother: “Last time we took a kid in, I told the intake nurse, ‘[Family Name], party of six. We have a reservation?’”

(And recently, after a particularly eventful month:)

Brother: “We have our own examination room!”

(I work at the front desk and I am currently printing off some documents for another department. Our technology, including this printer, is known to be cranky sometimes. I have to clear yet another paper jam, and I smack the back door to close it, otherwise it doesn’t close right. This results in a fairly loud crashing sound.)

Boss: *pops her head out of her nearby office* “What happened?!”

Me: “It’s okay; it’s just me putting the fear of God into the printer.”

Boss: “Oh, good. Carry on.” *leaves*

(I’m a fairly capable technical person, but sometimes a good smack upside the door is all it takes to fix it. And yes, it’s working now; it learned its lesson.)

(I work in a coffee shop. It’s a slow night and I’m keeping an eye on the front counter. My friend has stopped by and we end up talking for a minute when a woman comes in and joins our conversation. At the end of our conversation, this scene comes into play:)

Woman: “Hey, can I ask you something?”

Me: “Sure! What can I do for you?”

(She leans in over the counter a little and glances around to see if anyone is watching.)

Woman: “I need five dollars. Do you have any on you?”

Me: “Um… No, I don’t have anything on me. What do you need five dollars for?”

Woman: *casually, as if there’s nothing weird about this scenario* “I just needed some money to buy a soda.”

Me: “Oh, you mean for here?”

(Our drinks are about a dollar plus tax, and I notice she only has a dollar with her. Right before I’m about to offer to pay for her drink, she cuts me off.)

Woman: “No, I wanted to get a pop from [Store down the block]. Are you sure you don’t have any money?” *she leans over and peers into the tip jar beside her* “I wouldn’t want you to take anything from the tip jar or the register, because [Manager who isn’t there] would probably rip you a new one.”

(At this point, I’m freaked out and annoyed at her persistence, even though I have told her four times that I don’t have money on me and I’m not giving her money from the tip jar or the register.)

Woman: “Well, are you sure you don’t have any in your coat pocket?”

Me: “I don’t. I’m broke.”

Woman: “Can you go look?”

(I hesitated, thinking she was going to steal from the tip jar while I’m away, but thankfully my friend had been standing behind the woman the entire time and kept an eye on her while I went back and talked to my coworker, who was also the acting manager for the evening. I explained what was going on, and she came back with me to try and get the woman to leave. As soon as the woman saw my coworker, she acted like nothing had happened and left. Apparently this woman is a known drinker and frequently comes around trying to bum money off of people. She’s even shown up at my coworker’s house!)

(A couple walks up to my register with a cutting board and asks me to price-check it.)

Me: “Ten dollars.”

Wife: “Really? I’m going to grab another one so I can use my coupon!”

(I notice she has a $20-off-$50 coupon, but of course, the fact that she has to spend $50 is in the fine print.)

Me: “Just to let you know, that coupon is $20 off $50, not $20 off $20.”

Wife: *who was cheery and pleasant, but is now angry* “Show me where it says that!”

(I literally read it off the back of the coupon that she has to spend $50.)

Husband: “Can I use [different coupon for 35% off] on this vacuum?”

(I scan the vacuum, and of course, it’s on a sale that’s excluded from our coupons. Just my luck.)

Me: “I’m sorry. Because the vacuum is on [excluded sale], you can’t use that coupon, but you can use two of the $20-off-$50 coupons because the vacuum is over $100.”

(His wife slams two of the $20-off coupons onto my counter and just as I feared, each coupon only takes $10 off because home store items are under the $10-off tier on the coupon, also in the fine print. I tell the couple this, and they’re not happy to hear this.)

Husband: “Seriously? This always happens to us. Your exclusions are impossible.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t make the exclusions; that’s corporate.”

Husband: “I know you don’t.”

(His wife storms off to find something else to use the rest of her $20-off coupons on while he buys the vacuum. I start taping a bag onto the vacuum box to show that he’s purchased it since we’re out of the stickers we would normally use. I go back behind my counter when I’m done and I just giving the husband a polite, civil smile.)

Husband: “I don’t find this amusing. You look like you’re enjoying this. You look like you enjoy doing this to customers.”

(What I really want to say is, “I’m 19 and making minimum wage. I really don’t enjoy being harassed over coupon policies you know I have no control over.” Instead, I say this:)

Me: “No, sir, I don’t. I’m just smiling to be polite.”

(I saw them both with a cart full of items several times throughout the day, and the husband refused to look me in the eye. I kind of hope he felt bad for harassing me.)