(I work at a well-known fast food chain that is known for being home of a famous burger named similarly to a common candy. I had barely walked in the door to begin my shift when I started to hear this exchange.)

Customer: You guys f ***ed up my sandwich!

Manager: (Already fed up with this customer for the way he presented the problem.) I don’t see any issue here. What’s wrong?

Customer: This sandwich is supposed to have 6 full pieces of bacon. Mine only has 6 half pieces!

Manager: That is exactly how many it is supposed to have sir. Advertisements can be misleading.

Customer: I don’t care. Look at the ad right above your head. Maybe have the cooks look at it too so they know what it looks like.

Manager: Sir, the cooks already know what it looks like. They have several diagrams to show them how to make sandwiches, and this sandwich is one of them.

Customer: WELL OBVIOUSLY F****KING NOT! I DEMAND A NEW SANDWICH!!

Manager: Fine sir, I’ll have a new one made.

(The cooks halted everything to make this one sandwich, and put several extra pieces of bacon on it.)

Customer: THIS IS BULLS**T! IT SHOULD LOOK LIKE THE AD!

Manager: Sir, I’ll say it again; ads are misleading. Do you see the mayo on the sandwich in the picture? That’s not mayo; it’s Elmers glue.

Customer: I don’t f***ing care. It should look like the picture, or else it’s false advertising.

Customer#2:(Highly irate due to this man yelling and cussing with her children present) If you don’t like the way it looks, maybe you should just leave.

Customer#1: I’m not leaving until I get my sandwich YOU B***H!

Manager: Here’s you sandwich. Now get out of my store!

(The customer leaves)

Manager:(Turning to me) If he ever comes back, nobody is to serve him.

Me: I didn’t plan on it.

(I cannot believe how much he wanted his bacon. I definitely would not have been able to handle it as well as my manager did.)

I give editors permission to paraphrase this if needed.

I have owned a small shop that sells local items for over twenty years. It is located near a large university and is surrounded by expensive neighborhoods, so we have three general groups of customers: college students, wealthy locals, and tourists. Over the years, I have grown weary of bad customers, and our policy now is to dish out whatever we are served. This goes over well with the college students, who are some of our best customers. The others, though?

Customer: “Can you open this box so I can inspect what’s inside? I’m buying it for my daughter’s dorm room.”

Me: “Absolutely!”

I open the box and let her inspect everything inside. She hands the box back to me and says she’s going to look around and then buy the item after. I go back to serving other customers.

Customer: “I tried looking for another one of those, but I can’t find any. Do you have any more?”

Me: “Unfortunately, the local seller that made that recently died, so this is literally the last one we have. Did you need more than one? Maybe I can find someone who could produce something similar.”

Customer: “No, I just didn’t want to get the one that was already open.”

I look back at the box, which I just opened for this same customer just a few minutes ago. It has been taped shut, and the tape has not been disturbed.

Me: “What?”

Customer: “That one’s tainted! I wanted a fresh one!”

Me: “Ma’am, you are the only one that has handled that item since we received it.”

Customer: “Well, it’s tainted! You shouldn’t sell opened items!”

Me: “It’s not a perishable item. It’s not a hygiene issue. The product was in perfect shape and you were satisfied with it.”

Customer: “That’s not the point!”

Me: “Yes, it is. I’ve had enough of this. Get out.”

And with a huff, she did leave. That last product, opened box and all, sold by the end of the week.

Related:
Thinking Outside The Box, Part 6
Thinking Outside The Box, Part 5
Thinking Outside The Box, Part 4
Thinking Outside The Box, Part 3
Thinking Outside The Box, Part 2

I’m working as a technician that repairs lanes and such but I have the same uniform as cashiers and often get mistaken for them. I am working at the self checkout lanes, I’ve just finished repairing one when a coworker asks me when we can open it.

Me: As soon as it reboots it should be ok to open just give me a call if you have anymore issues.

Customer: (she’s at a large shelf checkout) You have time to stand around and chat then you should be bagging my groceries!

Me: Ma’am I would be happy to help you with your items however, I am not a cashier, also you’re at a self checkout we typically don’t bag for customers on these lanes since there are 11 lanes and only 2 cashiers.

Customer: Well how the h*** am I supposed to know that? And those lines are too long! I’m running late and I can’t wait for those lines.

Me: As I said I’m not a cashier but I’d be happy to bag your items today.

I have received three scam calls claiming to be from Apple support informing me that my account has been compromised. After just hanging up on the first two, I press the button to speak to customer support the third time.

Me: “Hi. I would like to be removed from your call list. I do not have any Apple products or an account.”

Operator: “How poor are you? Just go buy an iPhone.”

She then immediately hung up the phone before I could respond.

I’m running the self-checkout at a well-known department store. A customer I recognize as a regular is on her way to a self-checkout machine when she decides to make small-talk with me.

Customer: “Happy Mother’s Day!”

This is actually a subject that’s sensitive to me for personal reasons, plus this actually takes place on the day after Mother’s Day, so I just uncomfortably laugh.

Customer: “Are you a mom yet?”

Me: “Uh, no, I’m not a mom.”

Customer: “Are you a furry mom?”

I think for sure I must have misheard her. Laughing a little bit, I ask her to clarify.

Me: “Uh, a what?”

Customer: “A furry mom! A mom of pets!”

I break into hysterical laughter. I answer in between laughs.

Me: “No, I don’t have any pets. Um… you do know what a furry is, don’t you?”

Yes, she did know, and apparently, she only realized how bad what she said sounded after she had already said it. Well, hey, while she didn’t intend it, she managed to make me laugh after starting out with something that otherwise would have made me sad. So thank you!