All Aboot Jesus, Please

, , , , , | Friendly | October 16, 2019

(I have rather odd taste in music. I’m packing dinner kits at church with a group of friends and we’re discussing music as we put together the kits. Most of us favor pop or country music.)

Me: “I’ve been really into [Band] lately.”

Friend #1: “Cool, what genre are they?”

Me: “Christian Canadian punk rock.”

Friend #1: “What?”

Me: “Christian Canadian punk rock.”

Friend #2: “Those words do not go together!”

With So Many Fillings He Has Become Very Dense

, , , , , | Healthy | October 15, 2019

Patient: “Why do I need an x-ray?”

Me: “To check for problems [Doctor] might have missed.”

Patient: “Problems like what?”

Me: “Cavities between your teeth and under your fillings, and gum disease.”

Patient: “If [Doctor]’s eyesight is so bad that he can’t even see cavities anymore, why is he still a dentist?”

Me: “There is nothing wrong with [Doctor]’s eyesight, Sir. It would be impossible for anyone to look underneath fillings and in between your teeth.”

Patient: “So, I just let him poke around my mouth for nothing? Why didn’t you tell me that right away? I would have skipped the exam and just done the x-ray. Now I need to pay for something that is completely useless. You are ripping me off. I’ll get a second opinion.”

Me: “You are welcome to do that. But they’d want to do an exam, as well.”

Patient: “I’ll tell them that you already did.”

Me: “They’ll still want to actually look at your teeth. Believe me.”

Patient: “So, you are trying to tell me that they’ll rip me off, too?”

Me: “Sir, an x-ray is more expensive than an exam.”

Patient: “Oh, if you do the x-ray, can I take that to my second opinion dentist?”

Me: “Yes.”

Patient: “Sox I’m right. The exam is useless.”

Me: “Do you want an x-ray or not now?”

Patient: “Do I get a refund if you don’t find anything?”

Me: “No, you can’t get a refund.”

Patient: “You people are so greedy.” 

Me: *speechless*

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Beginning To Think It Wasn’t An Accident

, , , | Right | October 15, 2019

(Our store is having a huge sale while we’re trying to get the store ready for our summer merchandise. I’m helping my manager with a display. I look younger than my age.)

Customer: *storming up angrily to my manager* “HEY, YOU! Your employee—” *points at me* “—just saw me fall down and completely ignored me! I could have been gravely injured and this b**** didn’t care.”

Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am, I didn’t see you fall. Are you all right? Was there something on the floor? Are you injured?”

Customer: “No, I just got new shoes and I tripped, but that does not excuse you for ignoring me.”

Manager: “Well, as [My Name] said, ma’am, she did not see you fall. If you would like to file an incident report I can help you with that.” 

Customer: *continues to make a long speech about teenagers and how we will push people aside to get ahead, then storms out*

Manager: “We don’t get paid enough for this s***.”

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Need To Keep Them At Fractured Arms’ Length

, , , , , , | Related | October 14, 2019

(When I’m about ten years old, I go on a weekend camping trip with my parents, siblings, cousins, a few aunts and uncles, grandparents, and my grandparents’ camping group. On the second night, I trip in the dark and fracture my left arm in two places. Neither fracture is severe enough to cause any pain and the splint I get in the emergency room makes my arm feel normal again, so I’m pretty calm about the whole thing, especially since I have no problems moving my fingers or gripping things. My family, on the other hand, is freaked out. We get back from the emergency room a little after two in the morning, so when I get up and go about my day as normal, I’m slightly amused by how everyone is treating me.)

Grandparents’ Friend: “[My Name]! How’s your arm? You scared us last night.”

Me: *lifts up splinted arm* “It’s fine; it doesn’t even hurt.”

Grandparents’ Friend: “You sure? You took quite a fall.”

Aunt: “Yeah, that looked like it hurt.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m sure. The doctor said it wasn’t bad, just two little fractures on either side of my wrist. And it’s not my dominant hand, so I can still draw and stuff.”

Mom: “Are you sure it doesn’t hurt? I’m sure Grandma and Grandpa have some ibuprofen or something.”

Me: “No thanks, I’m good.”

Grandpa: “Kiddo, you want some ginger ale?”

Me: “No, thanks, Grandpa, I’m fine.”

(They proceeded to smother me for the rest of the camping trip. I understood their concern, but I also thought it was hilarious how out of everyone, I was probably the LEAST concerned about my injury!)

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Cheat Code Is XX

, , , , , | Learning | October 12, 2019

(I’ve always been fairly geeky, so I’m naturally excited when my school announces that they’re starting a video-gaming club. On the day of the first meeting, I’m a bit nervous, since I’m worried that I’ll be the only girl there. When I walk in, I make eye contact with another girl, sitting with two others, who looks just as shocked to see me as I am to see her.)

Girl: “FRIEND!”

Me: “More females! MY PEOPLE!”

(About fifty boys showed up, and the adults in charge were all men, but we ended up having six girls in the club.)

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