Giving Them Cone Head

, , , , , , | Romantic | October 19, 2019

About twice a year, I go through a fast food drive-thru for an ice cream cone. 

It never fails that some random male driver will get a bit excited watching me lick my cone. At first, I do not look directly at him. Just before my turn, though, I look into his eyes, which excites him even more. Then I bite — hard! — into the top of the cone. 

The male driver always flinches and speeds away. 

I finish my drive laughing.

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Techno Tantrum

, , , , | Right | October 14, 2019

(I’m the dumb customer in this story. One day, all of a sudden, my mp3/aux port in my car is not working. No sound comes out at all. I try with a different cord and the same happens. I make an appointment at the nearest dealership. I go in and talk to one of the employees.)

Employee: “It’s your mp3 player, right? Okay, so, do you use your phone or…”

Me: “I use my phone.”

Employee: “Okay, looks like we have the same phone. Let’s try my phone first before we do a diagnosis and have to charge you.”

(We go over to my car and connect his phone and… it works.)

Me: *frustrated* “Oh, my God, really? Must be my phone… I’m gonna have to go get that repaired…”

Employee: “Well, let’s check your phone first. Can I see it?”

(I give him my phone and he connects it, and it works. I groan.)

Me: “Really? How… it must have been temperamental that day or something.”

Employee: “Yeah, I guess it just had a temper tantrum. All right, since everything’s working, we can get you out of here quickly with no charge.”

Me: “Thank you… I just feel so dumb.”

(I quickly left in embarrassment. Hopefully, it doesn’t have a tantrum again.)

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Going “Out” In My Ka

, , , , | Related | October 12, 2019

(I live with my parents well into my twenties. To keep a modicum of privacy, when my parents ask of an evening, “Oh, you are off out? Where are you going?” I say, “Out.” It drives them crazy, but they understand that this is how I can keep living with them: by having parts of my life private. I tell them about a man if we become exclusive, but not if we just go on a couple of dates. Flash forward 15 years. I am living on the other side of the world. I ring my dad, and we are chatting about random stuff.)

Me: “Oh, yes, I meant to tell you. We bought a new car.”

Dad: “Oh, what model?”

Me: “It’s a Ka.”

Dad: *resentfully* “Fine, be like that.”

Me: “No! It’s a Ford KA! It’s a small, three-door city car that–” *realising* “–Ford does not sell in Australia.”

(I think my parents still regard me as a sulky and laconic teenager.)

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He Needs To Cool Off

, , , , , , | Right | October 10, 2019

(I work as a service advisor for a car company. Today is pretty slow and I am taking walk-ins so my technicians have something to do. A guy comes in explaining that he drove to Washington from Florida a few weeks ago and needs an oil change. Since I have nothing scheduled, I check him in. We do the oil change, I give him 10% off for being so friendly, and he is on his way. Thirty minutes later…)

Coworker: “Hey, did you help this guy earlier? He’s on the phone saying we broke his AC and wants to talk to you.”

Me: “Ugh, we don’t even touch the AC system with an oil change, but okay, transfer him over!” *transfers* “Hi, this is [My Name]. I hear you’re having trouble with your vehicle. What’s going on?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m calling because you broke my AC! It was working fine before you did the oil change and now it’s broken!”

Me: “Oh, no, I’m so sorry it isn’t working. Fortunately, my technicians do not touch the AC system during an oil change, but if you’d like, you can come back in and we’ll take a quick look. Is your AC not turning on at all? Is it not cooling? What’s the issue?”

Customer: “I’m telling you my f****** AC doesn’t work! There’s a noise coming out of the vent! It’s broken and I’m pissed! I had no issues until you touched my f****** car. Tell me what’s wrong with it!”

Me: “Okay, once again, we don’t touch your AC system. I can’t say what the issue is, but you can bring it back in and I’ll have a technician check it.”

(The customer hangs up on me. Twenty minutes later, he SPEEDS into the service drive.)

Customer: “Okay, there it is! Tell me what you f****** broke!”

Me: “Can I borrow your key?”

(The customer slams the key onto my counter and I walk out to turn on his vehicle.)

Me: “Sir, could you point out the sound to me?”

Customer: *gets into the passenger seat* “How could you not hear it come on?! There it is, so loud! You broke my AC!”

Me: *lifts a pair of sunglasses from the center console*

(The noise stopped and the customer looked dumbfounded. I got out of the vehicle, told him to have a good day, and walked back inside. The customer sat in his car for a few minutes and then drove off.)

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The Stop Sign Should Be For Her Mouth

, , , , | Legal | October 7, 2019

This story was related to me by one of my friends who is a bit “special.”

My friend was driving on a two-lane highway late at night and came to a stop sign. As she drove up to the stop sign, she looked in her mirror and saw there was a car behind her. She immediately panicked and thought the car behind her wasn’t going to stop, so she went through the stop sign without even slowing down.

That’s when the car behind her put on its lights and sirens.

After the cop pulled her over she tried to explain to him that she had thought that he wasn’t going to stop and was going to crash into her. The officer asked her if she thought that he was driving unsafely. She said yes.

She got a ticket for running the stop sign, but to this day she can’t understand why the police officer wouldn’t accept her excuse.

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