Her Behavior Took A U-Turn

, , , , , | Right | January 16, 2020

(I’m a driver for a particular rideshare company. I have a passenger in my car who’s been quiet, for the most part, until I approach an intersection where I’m to turn right. The light is red and there’s a blind corner, meaning I can’t see what’s approaching from the left until it’s right in front of me. For this reason, I’m waiting for the light to turn green before I make the turn. I mean, duh.)

Passenger: “Uh, I don’t see a ‘no right turns on red’ sign here.”

(I’m about to say something like, “Excuse me?” when all of a sudden a wave of cars comes zooming along from the left. There was no warning. If I’d been in the intersection they definitely would have hit me.)

Me: “Yeah, as you can see, the corner’s blind.”

(Later on, she berated me for pulling over on the right side of the street to let her out instead of making an illegal — and dangerous — U-turn. Sadly, she’s not even the first passenger I’ve had who seems to think I’m immune to the laws of physics and traffic. One star for her.)

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The Wheel Of Stupidity Keeps On Turning

, , , , , | Legal | January 15, 2020

(In Colorado, it is illegal to text and drive, but it is legal to talk on a cell phone or use a handheld device while driving if you are over 18. The officer in this story pulls over a driver who had his phone in one hand and a sports drink in the other.)

Officer: “You do realize you didn’t have any hands on the wheel, right?”

Driver: *in a tone that implies it’s his excuse* “Oh, but I was texting.”

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Leaving With Her Taillights Between Her Legs

, , , , | Right | January 15, 2020

My first job was working at a small four-bay auto shop in a mountain community. A customer came in with a brand-new SUV, complaining that her husband said her taillights did not work. 

According to her, she had missed a few days of work because she was afraid to drive without taillights for fear of being pulled over. She said the bulbs the local parts store had sold to her had proved ineffective. I ran through a light check; I even had a colleague watch while I pushed on the brakes and activated the blinkers to make sure everything was working properly. All taillights worked, so I noted normal operation at this time and shipped the car to be returned to its owner. 

The next day, I found the same SUV in my bag with a note in all caps: “CUSTOMER STATES TAILLIGHTS STILL DO NOT WORK.” I checked everything again, and again, everything seemed to be working. Dumbfounded, I told the service writer the results. He ended up calling the customer and asking her to drop by the shop to help us understand what she thought was wrong. 

She came by a few hours later. I showed her that all the lights worked, but she insisted her taillight was still broken. I walked to the back of the car and asked her to point out the lights she thought weren’t working. 

She told me the lights were broken because they never came on with the other ones when the headlights were turned on… and then proceeded to point out the white reverse lights on the back of her car. 

Apparently, she’d missed three days of work because she didn’t understand that reverse lights only come on when the car is in reverse. (There is one manufacturer that has programmed reverse lights to indicate when a button on the key fob is pressed, but this particular vehicle was not one of those.) 

I showed her that the reverse lights did, indeed, work, and sent her on her way.

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Minivan Causing Mega-Problems

, , , | Working | January 9, 2020

(My uncle and his wife own a minivan that they love — it has every feature they like — but as time wears on, the car starts to show its age, so my uncle goes to a dealership.)

Uncle: “My wife and I really love this car, but it’s a little old and we want to see if we can get a new minivan that’s basically the same thing.”

Dealer: “Oh, well, we don’t make that particular model anymore, but let me show you what we have!”

(The dealer does everything he can, but nothing on the lot will satisfy; they’re all missing features that either my uncle or his wife really want, or are in some other way undesirable. Finally, trying his best, the dealer has another suggestion.)

Dealer: “Why don’t we go look at the used car lot? I’m sure we can find you a used car with exactly the features you want!”

Uncle: “Well, if you really think about it for a minute, I kind of think that’s what we already have.”

Dealer: *long pause* “Oh.”

(He looked so dejected!)

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Separate The Dogs From The Goats

, , , , , | Related | January 7, 2020

(It’s the year 2000 and my family has just moved from a suburban part of Santa Cruz county to a rural farming area. I’m fourteen and my sister is thirteen. My dad is taking us to our schools in the morning and we pass a small ranch on our road. My sister looks out the window at their animals.)

Sister: “Woah! What happened to their dogs?!”

Me: “[Sister], those are goats.”

Sister: “Oh.”

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