Speeding Into Some New Insurance

, , , | Legal | October 16, 2018

(I am driving with a colleague to a work location some 180 miles away from our normal office. About 100 miles into the journey, we are driving along a dual-carriageway with a national speed limit; I am admittedly speeding about ten miles an hour over it. Glancing in my rear view mirror I see a police car behind us. I realise I’m about to get pulled over, so I ask my friend to get my license out of my purse. Sure enough, he flashes his lights and pulls me over as soon as we approach a wide strip of road.)

Officer: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I was speeding.”

Officer: *surprised* “Well, your speed wasn’t ideal, but I pulled you over because your car isn’t insured.”

(I am immediately both confused and horrified.)

Me: “What? That can’t be. It should be insured; I got it sorted out a week or so ago.”

(Suddenly something clicks in my mind.)

Me: “Wait, it switched over today! I moved it to a new insurance company, and they said it can sometimes take 24 hours for the database to update.”

Officer: *disbelieving tone* “So, who did you take your insurance out with?”

Me: “I took it out with [Insurance Company only available to members of the police and their families].”

(The officers eyes go wide as he takes my insurance details and heads back to his cruiser. My colleague and I talk about how mad this is, and I fret about my car getting towed when we are in the middle of nowhere. Eventually the officer comes back.)

Officer: “I’m so sorry for the trouble, ma’am; I can confirm the car is insured. We have to check everyone when we see it comes up as uninsured. I hope you understand.”

Me: “Oh, of course I do! I would much rather you pull people and catch the ones without!”

Officer: “Well, I have delayed your journey and I’m sorry for that; is there anything I can do?”

Me: “Oh, no. We have another hour left to go yet, and we left plenty of time in our journey. Thanks, though!”

(With that, he goes back to the car and we leave. My colleague jokes that we should have asked him to escort us the rest of the way, but I just smile back at him.)

Me: “Nah, to be honest I’m just glad he forgot I was speeding and didn’t give me a ticket!”

The Directions Require The Direct Approach

, , , , , | Related | October 16, 2018

(My mother and I are driving home from another state. The GPS worked wonderfully on the drive there, but is refusing to actually start navigating home. After the third try at talking the phone into giving directions, my mom picks up her phone to do it manually.)

Mom: *under her breath* “Moronic piece of s***.”

Phone: *cheerfully* “I hear you!”

The Theory Of Everything Silly

, , , , , , , | Related | October 15, 2018

(My kids and I are leaving the book fair at their school. My youngest is named Stephen. My oldest, age ten, has a book about scientists.)

Oldest: “This book doesn’t have Stephen Hawking in it!”

Stephen: “CAW! CAW! CAW!”

Me: “Stephen! What are you doing?”

Stephen: “I’m ‘hawking’! I’m Stephen Hawking!”

STOP! And Get Out

, , , , , | Learning | October 15, 2018

(I’ve just finished a driving lesson. The instructor has me drive the car to where we’ll pick up another student, and then he’ll drive me home, a short distance away. I’m in the back seat, while the instructor is in the front passenger seat, which has another set of pedals.)

Instructor: “Remember: before crossing another street, slow the car, and look to see if any others are coming. If there’s a STOP sign, stop the car entirely. Understood?”

Student: “Yes, of course.”

(He starts driving. At some point we’re about to cross a semi-big street, with a STOP sign facing us, but the car shows no signs of slowing. Just when I think the other student is going to cross without looking, the car suddenly stops. At first I think the other student has remembered to stop a bit late, but then I look at him. He glances around us for a few moments, then down at his pedals, then at the instructor, looking entirely confused.)

Student: “What just happened?”

(The instructor had used his own brake to stop the car. I walked the rest of the way.)

Two Rights Can Right A Wrong

, , , , , | Learning | October 10, 2018

(I am taking driving lessons so I can obtain my commercial vehicle license. The practical lessons take place in a real semi-trailer truck, with me in the driver’s seat, my instructor in the passenger’s seat, and another student sitting on one of the beds in the sleeper cab.)

Instructor: “Okay, [My Name], make a right turn.”

(I get nervous, and end up missing the opportunity to turn. With no other choice, I continue driving straight.)

Instructor: “Okay, [Classmate], close the curtains and go hide in a corner.”

Classmate: “What? Why?”

Instructor: “[My Name] just missed his turn. Now we’re in [Different City]. Sitting in the sleeper cab was perfectly legal when we were still in [Previous City], but not here. If the police see you back there, [My Name] could get a ticket.”

Classmate: “Okay, I’ll go hide myself.”

Instructor: “All right, [My Name], we’re going to make two right turns now.”

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