Take It Or Leave It

, , , , , | Friendly | August 15, 2018

(I go to a salon appointment in a very popular shopping center. By the time I leave, the parking lot is absolutely packed and it’s raining hard. I get into my car; luckily I parked very close by as it wasn’t packed at all when I arrived. I start up my GPS, but it’s a very old model that takes minutes to start up, sometimes longer. I hear some honking but I ignore it. Suddenly there is a rapping on my window and a woman is standing there. I lower my window.)

Me: “Hello, can I help—”

Woman: “Aren’t you leaving?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman: “I saw you get into your car; we’ve been sitting here waiting for you to leave.”

Me: “Yes, I’m about to leave; I’m just—”

Woman: “Well, leave already!”

(She stormed off and got back into her car, and the honking started again. My GPS came on moments later, but suddenly I wasn’t in so much of a rush to get home. I waited until she drove away.)

Return Fender Bender Back To Sender

, , , , , | Legal | August 15, 2018

(A light has just changed and I’m slowing down as I approach it so I can stop. I see a truck barreling towards me, but I can’t move out of his way fast enough. He hits me with enough force to send me across the entire intersection. Thankfully, I am all right. Ironically, he does it in front of two cops. This happens two weeks after, when my insurance already has started on getting payment from the other guy.)

Insurance Rep: “This is [Rep] from [Insurance]. We need a recorded statement from you. Unfortunately, the other driver is fighting this and says you were at fault for the accident. As none of us have a copy of the police report, we need recorded statements from all involved parties.”

Me: “Oh… Okay. Would you also like a copy of the report? I’ve got it saved to my computer and can email it to you right now.”

Insurance Rep: “You are now my favorite person. Yes to that, as well!”

(A month later, I heard the other guy lied to his insurance company, and said I was weaving in and out of lanes and that’s why he hit me. He had them take me to arbitration, ending with me getting $2,000 and him probably being dropped by his car insurance.)

Valet Away

, , , , , | Legal | August 12, 2018

(I arrive at work to find the assistant store manager looking frazzled.)

Manager: “You just missed the police.”

Me: “Why were the police here?”

Manager: “I had a customer call for a manager. He was very upset that an employee wouldn’t call the valet to return his car.”

Me: “We don’t have a valet…”

Manager: “Yup. He refused to believe that because he had given his keys to the valet and they drove away when he got here.”

Me: “Oh… oh, no.”

Manager: “Yeah, hence… police.”

Driving Yourself Into A Dead End

, , , , | Legal | August 7, 2018

(My office has a parking lot straight across the road from us, where my coworkers and I park our vehicles. Since my office is at the front, I can see the vehicles that come and go through the day. It’s late morning when I notice a red Mercedes parked beside my car, and the owner is apparently waving their hands around, gesturing between vehicles. I hurry out to see what’s going on and see there’s a large red smear on the back of my car, and my bumper has been dented.)

Me: “Oh, God, what happened?”

Owner: “I’ll tell you what! When you parked your d*** car, you hit my Belle!”

Me: “Your… what?”

Owner: “You hit my f***ing car!!”

Me: “That is practically impossible. When did you get here?”

Owner: “I got here over an hour ago. Look at this. Look what you did! I want your insurance information now!

Me: “Fine. And I need yours. However, it’s obvious you hit my car.”

(By this time, a coworker has come out to see what is going on. I give her my phone to ask her to take pictures while I trade information with the car owner.)

Me: “I’m not pulling my insurance information out until you get yours.”

Owner: “I shouldn’t have to! You hit me!”

Me: “Buddy, I’ve been here since 7:30. I have been in my d*** office over there this whole time. How else do you think I saw you standing out here, waving your arms around like a loon? Either get your papers out, or I call the cops. Since I have witnesses to prove where I was, I’m pretty sure you’re going to be the one getting in trouble.”

Owner: *splutters* “How dare you?! Do you know who I am?”

Me: “The a**-hole who hit my car. I’m calling the police.”

(Funny how me saying that introduced the insurance card. I still called the cops, because his insurance paperwork was outdated. He still didn’t understand why he was getting a ticket. When I called his insurance, I had to fax them a copy of the police report, because he’d told them it was my fault.)

Speeding Past That Subject

, , , | Legal | August 6, 2018

(My grandmother and I are lost and driving on a long, straight road. Because of this, she doesn’t really pay attention to the speed limit. Soon enough, a cop pulls us over.)

Policeman: “Ma’am, were you aware that you were going 78 miles per hour in a 55 mile per hour zone?”

Grandmother: “No, I wasn’t, officer. Say, do you know where the [Theater] is?”

Policeman: “Yes, I do, actually. Go down this road until you see a stoplight. Turn left there.”

Grandmother: “All right, thank you so much! Have a good day!”

Policeman: “You, too, ma’am.”

(He left, forgetting the reason why he pulled her over in the first place.)

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