Might Need A Stone For Him Very Soon, Too

, , , , , | | Right | May 23, 2018

(We have a family business that sells gravestones. My husband is manning our shop when an elderly man walks in.)

Husband: “Good afternoon.”

Customer: “I want to order a stone for my wife.”

Husband: “If you’d like to come through to the office, and take a seat, I will show you some samples, and designs.”

(The elderly man walks very carefully, feeling his way with his stick, up to the two steps and into the hallway. After half an hour or so, the transaction is complete and the man stands up.)

Customer: “Where are the steps? How many are there?”

(He feels his way slowly down them, walks to the door, and asks:)

Customer: “Wasn’t there another step here?”

(My husband is concerned as to how he will manage to walk up the road, as there are a number of roads to cross. He mentions this to him, only to be told:)

Customer: “Oh, its all right; I have my car keys here.”

(He walked over to the car outside, got in, and drove away.)


Still Too Soon…

, , , , | | Related | May 19, 2018

(I’m picking my sister up from the train. She just finished her final exams at university. She’s a history major.)

Me: “Hey! How are you doing? You look exhausted.”

Sister: “Hello, hey. I’m glad to be finished, truth be told! I started crying when I was looking over some dates yesterday because Abraham Lincoln died.”

Me: “You know what, I’m just not going to ask. I’ll get your bag.”

(Some time later, en route home, I look across and she’s got tears in her eyes.)

Me: “Hey, what’s wrong? Aren’t you happy you’re done?”

Sister: “I was thinking about Abraham Lincoln again.”

To Sleep, Perchance To Die

, , , , , | Working | May 15, 2018

At the company I work for, we have to travel a lot to different construction sites. On my first day, they told me not to fall asleep in the passenger seat during those rides.

A couple of weeks later I was traveling with a very quiet coworker after having a terrible night. Naturally, I fell asleep during the two-hour ride, only to be suddenly awoken by loud noises. My coworker was screaming in horror, and there was a truck only a meter in front of our car. I was sure we were still driving and a deadly crash was imminent… until my coworker started laughing.

Turns out, as soon as he noticed me sleeping, my coworker pulled out at the next parking lot, searched for a truck, parked behind it, and put the car in neutral. Then he honked, slammed the gas pedal, and started screaming.

I mentioned this to another coworker the next day, and he told me this guy does that to everyone who falls asleep in his car. “If he can’t sleep during work hours, the passenger won’t, either.” One coworker even had a nervous breakdown because of this. I get why. It’s now over 20 years later, and I still can’t sleep while being in a car.

Today Everyone Is A Top Dog

, , , , | Hopeless | May 12, 2018

I’m driving to work tonight on a major road with two lanes of traffic in either direction. I pass through a rather large intersection when I notice two things: there is a woman struggling to run through the high grass at the side of the road, and the cars in the right lane have all slowed down. I don’t think there’s a connection right away as I continue driving in the left lane, but then I see it: a tiny dog, maybe a Frenchie or something similar, running full speed on the right shoulder of the road. I’m worried for it, but there’s nothing I can do moving at the speed I’m going, and I’ve already passed it.

That’s when I notice people in the right lane beginning to pull over. At first I see just one or two, but then I look in the rearview mirror and see that every single car has pulled onto the shoulder to avoid hitting the poor dog and presumably to help catch it. I obviously wasn’t around to see if it worked, but so many people were putting the effort in I can’t imagine it didn’t. Seeing that line of cars whose drivers all just decided to work together warmed my heart.

This Disrespect Is Inconceivable

, , , , | Right | May 10, 2018

(I work at a parking garage. It’s early in the day, and we are currently charging event rates for the day’s event. We are also hosting parking for a different event the next day, with the expectation of a full garage. A man drives in and asks for parking.)

Me: “Hi, how are you? It’s $20 to park here for the day.”

Customer: “Hi, I’m staying at the [Hotel] for the night.”

Me: “Unfortunately, if you park here overnight, you will have to pay for both today and tomorrow unless you leave by five am tomorrow. May I ask what time you are leaving?”

Customer: “I’m leaving at six pm.”

Me: “Then it would be $20 for today and $20 for tomorrow, so you would have to pay $40 total. I would advise you park at the [Hotel], because it would only be $30 and you get free ins and outs, alongside better overnight security.”

Customer: “I’m only going to pay for today.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I must ask you to leave unless you pay the full amount.”

Customer: “I said I’m only going to pay for today. You are being disrespectful!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, then you must leave.”

Customer: “I’m only going to pay for today! I’ve parked here overnight before and didn’t have to pay for two days!”

Me: “Then the cashier didn’t follow corporate policy. If you wish, I can call my manager up.”

Customer: “You do that.”

Me: *on phone with my manager* “This customer doesn’t want to pay for both nights.”

Manager: “Then tell him to get out.”

Me: “He refuses to leave until he talks to you. I’ll put him on the line.”

(I attempt to put the customer on the line.)

Customer: “I don’t want to talk to him on the phone; bring him over here!”

(My manager hears and proceeds to drive over to my garage. I have the customer park off to the side so I can charge the customers behind him.)

Customer: “You didn’t charge him for two days!”

Me: “He’s not staying overnight. You staying overnight, and not paying for two days is unfair to the large amount of customers who we expect tomorrow, and especially those who pre-ordered parking. A lot of customers from the [Hotel] come here, and they are all told the same thing.”

Customer: “No, you’re being disrespectful!”

(My manager arrives and begins to talk to the customer while I begin charging a horde of newly-arrived cars. He yells at my manager for a good ten minutes until he finally speeds out of the garage.)

Me: “What happened with the customer?”

Manager: “He was yelling about how he should only have to pay for one day, so I told him he should get out. He then started complaining about being disrespected by both you and me, and he sped out and left.”

(That word… I don’t think it means what he thinks it means.)

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