It’s Time To Lick And Make Up

, , , , , | Right | November 11, 2018

(I am going shopping before work, to get an iced tea. I am in my scrubs; I work at a veterinary hospital.)

Sales Clerk: “Oh, we’re having a promotion; if you sign up, you can get discounts on makeup purchases.”

Me: *tired* “Oh, no, thanks. I never wear makeup; it just gets licked off.”

Sales Clerk: *pause* “I hope you work at a veterinary hospital.”

Me: *pause, eyes widen* “Oh! Oh. Yes. Sorry! That came out wrong!”

(She thanked me for making her laugh, but I still feel incredibly awkward!)

Well, That’s A Whole New Ball Game

, , , | Right | September 21, 2018

(I work at a popular drug store. I answer the phone one evening.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Do y’all sell ball deodorant?”

Me: “Oh! You mean the roll-on kind?”

Customer:No! Deodorant for your balls.”

Me: “Um… No, ma’am. We don’t.”

Customer: “This is bulls***!”

Raze-ing Hell

, , | Right | August 1, 2018

(I have a long line at the registers. A seemingly pleasant woman comes up to the counter and wants help accessing the razor blades, which are in cases where you have to press a button to have them dispensed. They get stuck all the time.)

Female Customer: “Could you come help me with the razor blades? The machine is stuck.”

Me: “I have to stay by the register now, but I will call my manager to come assist you. It may be a couple of minutes, ma’am, because he is currently coordinating a delivery.”

(I reach for the phone to page the manager when one of our regular customers approaches the counter.)

Regular Customer: “That happens all the time. I can try to help you fix it if you want; I’ve done it before”.

Female Customer: “Sure. I’m in a rush so I don’t want to wait for the manager.” *to me* “Miss, is that all right?”

(Since I know this regular customer well and he does know how to fix the machines, I tell her sure, put the phone down without paging the manager, and return to the checkout line. About 15 minutes later she storms up to the counter with a box of razor blades, no longer pleasant to say the least.)


Me: *completely taken aback* “I’m sorry, ma’am. I thought [Regular Customer] was helping you and you did not need the manager. I truly apologize for the misunderstanding.”


(She then opened the box of blades, threw them at me, and ran out of the store. I was actually quite frightened as one of the blades landed very near my eye. She later called to complain about me and try to get me fired. Luckily, my boss banned her from coming back.)


, , , , , | Right | June 18, 2018

(It’s a slow night and I’m the cashier at [National Drug Store Chain]. A woman comes in and walks around for a few minutes on her phone. She eventually comes to the checkout counter with cat litter and a cream-filled chocolate egg. She’s still on the phone.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, that’s $9.79.”

(Still on the phone, not paying attention, she swipes her credit card. The credit card terminal beeps, alerting me that her card is equipped with the chip thing.)

Me: “Go ahead and insert the chip for me.”

(It should be noted for the non-Americans that the chip-reader is a new-fangled thing over here. I know it’s been around for decades elsewhere, but here it’s only been around for a few months and most people still can’t figure it out.)

Customer: *still on phone, inserts chip* “Yeah, I’m here at [Rival National Drugstore Chain across the street] getting kitty litter and chocolate.”

(She is clearly not paying attention to the credit card terminal’s dire warning of “DO NOT REMOVE CARD,” so she removes her card. A man is now standing behind her in line and the computer is not responding, thanks to her idiocy.)

Me: *loudly, so the other customer knows what happened* “Yeah, you removed the card too early, so I have to reboot the computer and wait for the manager to sign me into the other register.” *on intercom* “[Manager] to the front, please.”

(The manager is busy upstairs in the stockroom, so it takes him a solid three minutes to come to the front.)

Customer: *to her phone* “This is unbelievable! The friggin’ cashier at [Rival Drugstore] can’t figure out how to ring me up for these two little things. I’ve been standing here forever.” *she wanders around*

(The manager finally shows up, and I sign in and check out the man behind her in line, since the woman is a good fifteen feet away.)

Me: *loud enough for the woman on the phone to hear* “I’m so sorry for the wait, sir, but some people don’t know how to read stuff like, ‘DO NOT REMOVE YOUR CARD.’”

(The customer was STILL on her phone, but very quietly paid and slunk out.)

Putting Two And Two Together

, , , , , | Right | May 5, 2018

(I have just gotten out of school and it is snowing aggressively, on the verge of hailing. During my second to last class period, my period surprises me by arriving early. It ends up soaking through a tampon and my jeans. I clean up as best I can and tie a sweatshirt around my waist until I can go home. Unfortunately, I have to stay after school to make up a chemistry test, and have to suffer through until I’m done. Afterwards, I walk to a nearby drug store because my ride won’t arrive for another hour. I place my variety of purchases on the counter: pads, a pair of cheap leggings, chocolate poptarts, and a soda.)

Female Cashier: *puts two and two together* “Oh, sweetie, I’m not supposed to do this, and don’t tell my manager, but I’m going to give you my 10% discount.”

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