Raze-ing Hell

, , | Right | August 1, 2018

(I have a long line at the registers. A seemingly pleasant woman comes up to the counter and wants help accessing the razor blades, which are in cases where you have to press a button to have them dispensed. They get stuck all the time.)

Female Customer: “Could you come help me with the razor blades? The machine is stuck.”

Me: “I have to stay by the register now, but I will call my manager to come assist you. It may be a couple of minutes, ma’am, because he is currently coordinating a delivery.”

(I reach for the phone to page the manager when one of our regular customers approaches the counter.)

Regular Customer: “That happens all the time. I can try to help you fix it if you want; I’ve done it before”.

Female Customer: “Sure. I’m in a rush so I don’t want to wait for the manager.” *to me* “Miss, is that all right?”

(Since I know this regular customer well and he does know how to fix the machines, I tell her sure, put the phone down without paging the manager, and return to the checkout line. About 15 minutes later she storms up to the counter with a box of razor blades, no longer pleasant to say the least.)

Female Customer: *screaming* “YOU IDIOT! WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL THE MANAGER? IT TOOK THAT DOLT 15 MINUTES TO GET THE MACHINE FIXED, AND I AM IN A RUSH!”

Me: *completely taken aback* “I’m sorry, ma’am. I thought [Regular Customer] was helping you and you did not need the manager. I truly apologize for the misunderstanding.”

Female Customer: “APOLOGY NOT ACCEPTED, A**HOLE!”

(She then opened the box of blades, threw them at me, and ran out of the store. I was actually quite frightened as one of the blades landed very near my eye. She later called to complain about me and try to get me fired. Luckily, my boss banned her from coming back.)

DO NOT REMOVE PHONE FROM YOUR EAR – LIKE EVER

, , , , , | Right | June 18, 2018

(It’s a slow night and I’m the cashier at [National Drug Store Chain]. A woman comes in and walks around for a few minutes on her phone. She eventually comes to the checkout counter with cat litter and a cream-filled chocolate egg. She’s still on the phone.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, that’s $9.79.”

(Still on the phone, not paying attention, she swipes her credit card. The credit card terminal beeps, alerting me that her card is equipped with the chip thing.)

Me: “Go ahead and insert the chip for me.”

(It should be noted for the non-Americans that the chip-reader is a new-fangled thing over here. I know it’s been around for decades elsewhere, but here it’s only been around for a few months and most people still can’t figure it out.)

Customer: *still on phone, inserts chip* “Yeah, I’m here at [Rival National Drugstore Chain across the street] getting kitty litter and chocolate.”

(She is clearly not paying attention to the credit card terminal’s dire warning of “DO NOT REMOVE CARD,” so she removes her card. A man is now standing behind her in line and the computer is not responding, thanks to her idiocy.)

Me: *loudly, so the other customer knows what happened* “Yeah, you removed the card too early, so I have to reboot the computer and wait for the manager to sign me into the other register.” *on intercom* “[Manager] to the front, please.”

(The manager is busy upstairs in the stockroom, so it takes him a solid three minutes to come to the front.)

Customer: *to her phone* “This is unbelievable! The friggin’ cashier at [Rival Drugstore] can’t figure out how to ring me up for these two little things. I’ve been standing here forever.” *she wanders around*

(The manager finally shows up, and I sign in and check out the man behind her in line, since the woman is a good fifteen feet away.)

Me: *loud enough for the woman on the phone to hear* “I’m so sorry for the wait, sir, but some people don’t know how to read stuff like, ‘DO NOT REMOVE YOUR CARD.’”

(The customer was STILL on her phone, but very quietly paid and slunk out.)

Putting Two And Two Together

, , , , | Right | May 5, 2018

(I have just gotten out of school and it is snowing aggressively, on the verge of hailing. During my second to last class period, my period surprises me by arriving early. It ends up soaking through a tampon and my jeans. I clean up as best I can and tie a sweatshirt around my waist until I can go home. Unfortunately, I have to stay after school to make up a chemistry test, and have to suffer through until I’m done. Afterwards, I walk to a nearby drug store because my ride won’t arrive for another hour. I place my variety of purchases on the counter: pads, a pair of cheap leggings, chocolate poptarts, and a soda.)

Female Cashier: *puts two and two together* “Oh, sweetie, I’m not supposed to do this, and don’t tell my manager, but I’m going to give you my 10% discount.”

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No Need To Get Catty About It

, , , | Healthy | April 21, 2018

(I go to a human drugstore to get a new insulin vial for my diabetic cat, since his last one is expired. He’s been diagnosed and treated for four months now, and I have been handling his insulin shots every day, twice a day, ever since. I bring the old box with me, so I’m sure I’ll get the right one. In Brazil, you can have insulin over the counter, no prescriptions needed. Also, every drugstore has a fidelity card that offers discounts, and most of the health cares have partnerships that give you discounts; you just have to show your health care card. A third way to get a discount — a big one — is when you register with the manufacturer; it’s a long form you have to fill, with your doctor’s information, treatment details, etc.)

Me: “Hi, I’d like a small vial for this insulin.” *hands the box* “I also would like to check both fidelity and health care discounts.”

Employee: *cheerful* “You know, you could get the manufacturer’s discount for it.”

Me: “Yeah, I know, but it’s for my diabetic cat, so they couldn’t take us.”

Employee: *makes weird face*

Me: *uncomfortable, trying to be cheerful* “Yeah, unfortunately they didn’t accept felines for that. That’s a ‘humans-only’ kind of benefit.”

Employee: *goes to hand me the vial, backs off, looking at me as if I’m a child* “You know this needs to be kept on the fridge, right?”

Me: “Yeah, I know. I also need a ten-pack of syringes.”

Employee: *still making the weird face* “Syringes for what?”

Me: “Uh, insulin. I need the smaller ones, because he only takes two units at a time.”

Employee: *proceeds to teach me how to use the syringes, very patronizingly, ignoring the fact that I may know how to do it since I just gave her an empty box of insulin* “What gauge size you need?”

Me: “I never had to choose between gauge sizes, but since he’s a cat, I believe the smaller ones.”

Employee: “What size is he?”

Me: “Uh, cat size? About four kilos.”

Employee: *weird face*

Me: “Sooo, I guess I’ll take the small ones.”

Employee: *reluctantly gives me my stuff, still looking at me as if I was committing a crime*

We Don’t Have Changing Rooms For THAT

, , , | Right | March 27, 2018

(I am a cashier at a drug store. We get customers coming through with items of a personal nature all the time. We never comment on these items, so we don’t embarrass the customers. A man is checking out at my register.)

Me: “Hello! Did you find everything all right today?”

Customer: *acting a bit nervous* “Yes, thanks.”

(I make small talk with him as I ring up his items, not really paying attention to what they are.)

Customer: “Would you like to help me try those on?”

(Confused, I look at what I’ve just scanned; it’s a box of condoms.)

Me: “Sir, you need to leave now.”

Customer: “What? I… uh… It was a joke.”

Me: “It wasn’t funny! Are you going to leave, or do I need to get my manager?”

(He left. I told the manager about it, just in case the customer tried to accuse me of anything. The manager said I absolutely did the right thing. At the next store meeting he talked about what to do if customers behaved inappropriately with us.)

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