(Our store works on the basis that you order the item and it is fetched from the warehouse. One customer has come several times and asked to try on work shoes from us. The third time, he brings his wife. This happens ten minutes before closing.)

Supervisor: “I’m sorry, but this is the third time this week you’ve come and tried these shoes, I’m going to have to ask you to make a decision.”

Wife: “So, you are telling us to make a decision now?!”

Supervisor: “I’m sorry, but that is merchandise, and we need it to be in decent condition for the customer who buys them. Your husband has been here twice already, and my colleague says you’ve tried the same shoe each time. Furthermore, we’re due to close soon, and we need to make sure everyone has been served and their items picked by then.”

Wife: “Fine, if you’re going to be like that, you can take your shoes back!”

(The husband takes the shoes off, puts them in the box, and slams them on the counter, but she’s determined to have the last word.)

Wife: “You’ve lost a sale!”

Supervisor: “I don’t mind!”

(Sometimes a can of paint is mixed incorrectly, thus creating the wrong color. When this happens, the gallon or quart is marked down to a lower price, significantly less than the original price, and labelled as a mis-tint.)

Customer: *walks to register with quart of mis-tint paint* “I have to tell you…”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “I don’t need all this paint. I just need a little bit of it. Like, only a small amount.”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “…so, can you open this and just give me that much?”

Me: “Um… No. I can’t open a fresh quart of paint and remove a portion of the contents.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t need the whole thing!”

Me: “Well, I can’t take some out then put it back on the shelf.”

Customer: “Fine. Then just charge me for how much I’m going to use.”

Me: “So, you want me to charge you for ONLY the amount you’re going to use, but GIVE you the entire quart?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Then take out what I need.”

Me: “Why don’t you buy the entire quart? It’s only $5.00 when it used to be $22.00. That’s a great buy.”

Customer: “Because! I don’t need the entire thing!”

Me: “This is a mis-tint, it’s marked down to less than half the cost.”

Customer: “No! It’s not a mis-tint! The person in your paint department is an a**-hole and doesn’t know how to mix paint.”

Me: “I’ll be sure to let him know that.”
Customer: “Y’know what? Forget it. I don’t want it.” *buys only a soda then leaves*

(I work in a warehouse based company that has customers pick items from a catalogue, most of our customers are tradesmen so they don’t mind some sarcasm)
Colleague: Hey [my name]!
(I look over)
Customer: This customer wants to know how long our screws are!
Me: Sir, how long is a piece of string?
Customer:… Yeah that was a pretty dumb question wasn’t it?

(I work in a hardware store that has a lawnmower shop attached. We sell lawn equipment and repair them as well. When we get someone who wants a lawnmower blade or chainsaw chain sharpened we have to put the customer’s name and number in the computer. If it’s too late in the day we can’t sharpen the blades or chains as all the unit techs have started working on large equipment or have gone out to deliver people’s equipment. On weekends we don’t have unit techs as they have the weekends off. A number of coworkers and I are working on a Saturday and it’s just started to get busy. I’m called to the front of the store to go help the cashiers out a bit. When I get back to the parts counter my coworker is wide eyed and kinda dazed.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], are you okay?”

Coworker: “Um, well, a customer just tried to swing a lawnmower blade at my head.”

Me: “WHAT?! Are you okay? Did he hit you? What happened?”

Coworker: “This older guy came up to the counter and wanted his blade sharpened so I told him I needed his name and number. He didn’t want to give it to me and asked me why I needed it. I told him we couldn’t sharpen it today but we’d have it done by Monday at 11 at the latest. I just needed his name and number so we could call him when we were done. He got mad and demanded it be done today. I told him that there was no-one there who could do it today. I guess that’s not what he wanted to hear because he swung that blade at my head and it was about a half an inch away from hitting me in the temple. I called [Store Manager] and told him what happened. He came over and asked the customer to follow him outside. [Store Manager] sharpened his blade and told him if he ever came back that he’d kick his a** and throw him out of the store. He also said that if he wanted he could turn the video we have over to the police and have him charged. He said the guy practically ran to his truck.”

Me:“…you know what? At this point I’m not surprised this happened. I’m glad that you’re all right, though. Let me guess: he didn’t say sorry.”

Coworker: *sigh* “They never say sorry.”

(My husband dislikes yard work and doing anything remotely to do with maintenance on our home, even though it’s what he does for work. It’s been 15 years and he’s finally going decided to do something about a deck outside our back door. He takes me to our local hardware to show me the “eco” decking he has chosen so I can choose the colour I like. I’ve learned not argue because he always makes a stand for what he wants or he doesn’t go ahead with it. I just calmly point out facts, but the decision has to sound like it’s come from him or he won’t do it.)

Husband: “So, this is what I’m going to do it with. It’s made from recycled plastic and stuff but it looks like wood. What colour do you prefer?”

(It has fake wood grain texture but the colour is uniform like it’s been painted. I don’t like painted decks.)

Me: “I don’t really like the colours. Are you going to paint the wood grain on it?”

Husband: “What do you mean?”

Me: “The colour is so flat and un-interesting. If it’s supposed to look like wood, it needs to have wood grain colouring through it. I’d really like that decking over there; the colours are perfect.”

Husband: “But that’s wood and will need yearly sealing to keep it maintained. Are you going to do that?”

Me: “That’s not that hard to do. The high pressure cleaning thingy you have can be used on the eco boards, right?”

Husband: “Of course.”

Me: “So seeing as I don’t know how to use it, I guess you’ll be out cleaning all of the dirt out of the graining on those boards monthly, then?”

Husband: “Ooh, hey, look! The wood one is half the price. I think we’ll go with that.”