If That’s What You Think Fascism Is, Then Hoo Boy…

, , , , , | Right | April 29, 2021

We have a store-wide mask policy, and the employees have to confront anyone not wearing a mask. I’m the only person in my department, and a middle-aged man comes in with his mask off.

Me: “Excuse me, sir, you need to wear a mask; it’s store policy.”

I’m short and unthreatening so people think they can walk all over me, but this is another level. He gets in my face and starts yelling.

Customer: “This is fascism! You can’t control me! This is fascism!”

I think he’s going to punch me, so I repeat that he needs to wear it or leave.

Customer: “I’m not a sheeple; I’m a man! I’m an American! Live free or die!”

He stormed out of my department.

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Grow Some Bags And Accept Defeat

, , , , | Right | April 26, 2021

I’m in the gardening department.

Customer: “Where are your grow bags?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t sell grow bags.”

Customer: “You do; I bought one in here last week.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you couldn’t have; we haven’t sold grow bags in at least the last five years.”

Customer: “No, I definitely bought one in here. Isn’t there someone else you can ask?”

Me: “I’m in charge of the gardening department, and I can assure you that you definitely did not buy a grow bag here last week. Are you sure it wasn’t [Nearby Shop]?”

Customer: “No, it was here. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re useless.” *Stomps off*

I think nothing of it and go back to the work I was doing. A few minutes later, a colleague approaches with the customer.

Colleague: “This gentleman wants to know if we sell grow bags.”

Me: “No, as I told him a few minutes ago, we don’t sell grow bags at all.”

My colleague relays this to the customer and he stomps off again. A few minutes after this, I’m summoned to the customer service desk over the tannoy.

Helpdesk Assistant: “This gentleman wants to know if we have any grow bags.”

Customer: “You again? You’re still useless.” *Stomps out of the shop*

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Very Middling Advice

, , , | Right | April 23, 2021

I’m working in my cousin’s DIY store for the summer.

Customer #1: “How much grass seed do I need to buy for my lawn?”

Me: “How big is your lawn?”

Customer #1: “Medium.”

Me: “Great. You want an average amount of grass seed — not too much or too little, okay?”

Customer #1: “That’s great, thanks!”

A little while later:

Customer #2: “How much should I water my plants?”

Me: “What kind of plants do you have?”

Customer #2: “They’re all different sizes, mostly around this size.” *Gestures vaguely in the air beside her*

Me: “Okay. Then you want to make sure you don’t water them too much because they’re not really big. But make sure you’d water them more than a really small plant.”

Customer #2: “Thank you. Where can I find a watering can like that?”

Me: “There are watering cans here that you can fill part of the way up or all the way up.”

Customer #2: “That’s a great idea!”

The following day:

Customer #3: “Hi. I need paint for my living room, but I don’t know what kind.”

Me: “That’s no problem. I can show you our indoor paints.”

Customer #3: “Which colour should I get?”

Me: “Here are the really light ones and here are the really dark ones. If you don’t want it too dark or too light, you should pick one in the middle.”

Customer #3: “Thank you. I’ll take a few cans.”

After she leaves, my cousin comes up to me angrily.

Cousin: “How are you doing this? How are they accepting your advice when they don’t know what they want or how much they need?!”

Me: “Babysitting for fifteen years. It’s basically the same thing.”

This story is part of our Best Of April 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of April 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of April 2021 roundup!

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Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 13

, , | Right | April 20, 2021

I’m working at a DIY store. My section includes hardware like drills, nails, and screws. My sister is working in the same store behind the information and rental desk.

Customer: “I’m glad I found a man. I don’t want to ask at the information desk because the woman doesn’t know anything. What kind of screw do I need for my project?”

I know exactly what he needs, but if there is one thing I don’t accept, it is when someone is disrespectful to my family.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t help you with that. I’m afraid you will have to ask my colleague at the information desk.”

The customer did go to the information desk but was still disrespectful toward my sister and demanded to see the manager because he didn’t trust my sister’s answer.

The manager wasn’t in that day and only the assistant manager was available. Unfortunately for the customer, she also was a woman.

Still, the customer did not change his behaviour and kept on disrespecting women. He ended up not having any screws and being banned from the store for the future.

Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 12
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 11
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 10
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 9
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 8

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Too Mulch Math

, , , | Right | April 13, 2021

I work at a home and garden center. We have a sale on mulch: five bags for $10. I wish I could say this happens only once but it actually happened several times a day:

Customer: “How much is black [Brand] mulch?”

Me: “It’s $2 a bag.”

Customer: “Oh, so it’s [Competitor] that’s running the five-for-$10 sale?”

Me: *Sighing* “Yes, sir. Us, too.”

Every single day.

I tried saying, “Five for $10,” but then I had to explain they didn’t have to buy five to get the sale price. I hated those sales.

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