When You Absolutely Musk Make A Bad Joke

, , , , | Right | May 15, 2020

I work at a store that sells scented oils. A customer and her friend approach the counter.

Customer: “I’d like to smell your musk, please!”

Me: “Certainly!”

I laugh as I grab the bottles of oil.

Customer: “I bet this is the only store where you can say that and not get kicked out for being creepy!”

The customer and her friend both laughed.

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Welcome To The New Norm

, , , , , | Working | April 16, 2020

(I work remotely and am on a conference call with several people.)

Coworker #1: “We’ll also need to sync with [Team] to deliver the– I’m sorry, there’s some noise on the line? Is someone rustling papers?”

Coworker #2: “Oh, that’s me. Sorry, I dropped my meatball on the mic and was trying to clean it off.”

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Did Her Brain Stop Working, Too?

, , , , , , , , | Working | April 4, 2020

My husband and I both ordered a salad and entree each with our waitress, who appeared to write a bit on a notepad.

His salad came out and, after waiting a bit for mine before starting, he finally took a couple bites. Then, our entrees came.

We flagged our waitress to tell her I had never received my own salad.

She said, “Well, my pen stopped working,” and kind of looked at us for a moment and walked away.

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Picture This…

, , , , , , | Right | March 23, 2020

Customer: “I need to withdraw $3000 from my account. I am planning to do some shopping today.”

Me: “I can help you with that. All I need is a picture ID from you.”

Customer: “ID? I don’t have one. All I have is a library card.”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. Because of the large dollar amount, there is no way for me to do the transaction without a valid picture ID.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! You are an idiot. I told you I don’t have an ID. It’s my money and I want it now.”

Me: “I agree that it is your money, ma’am, but it’s my job to safeguard that money, so I have to complete the necessary steps to make sure I am giving the money to the right person.”

Customer: “My ID is with my boyfriend. I have a picture of it on my phone. See?”

(She shows me a picture ID on her phone.)

Me: “I am really sorry, ma’am. I cannot give you such a large dollar amount without the actual ID. I could give you a small dollar amount of maybe 100 to 200 with security questions. However, for anything larger, I need the actual ID.”

Customer: “What kind of bank are you? I mean, this is technology. I have a picture of my ID on my phone and it should work. Is your bank so technologically backward? Nowadays, a picture of anything works. You don’t need anything in a physical form. That’s what America is about. I guess you wouldn’t know as you are just an immigrant. But in America, our technology is superior and a picture of anything works. Understand? So stop being an idiot and give me my money NOW!”

(By now I am a little irritated.)

Me: “Ma’am, I am really sorry. However, what I can do is give you a picture of your money and I am guessing that would work?”

Customer: *storms off*

(My manager was not extremely happy but had a good laugh.)

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I Left My Pants In San Francisco

, , , , | Right | March 18, 2020

(I take photos at an aquarium, and during the downtime I reset some of the displays so guests won’t have to reset them themselves. One time, I see a middle-aged to elderly gentleman wearing only a shirt and a diaper. He comes up to me and asks a few questions.)

Guest: “Where is the rest of the aquarium?”

Me: *trying to keep my face calm and not shocked at what’s going on* “The rest of the aquarium is downstairs through the elevator.”

Guest: “Thank you.”

Me: *thinking; only in this area you get the most interesting situations* “Have a great day.”

(After he went down the elevator, I walked up to a few coworkers. Sadly, I don’t remember what words were said. We talked about how he was able to get into the aquarium and why, oh why was he only wearing a shirt and a diaper? Five minutes later, we heard on the radio that the guest was being escorted out with a refund, and we found out that he was doing a social experiment. The ticket booth had warned the front desk not to let him in, and the person running the front desk ignored the warning.)

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