Only Big Boys Get Their Trucks Replaced

, , , , , , | | Right | June 24, 2019

(I answer calls in an insurance office. A client is mad that we overnighted the check to replace his truck; he wanted his check to instantly manifest in front of him as he was walking away from his totaled rig.)

Me: “The check is in the mail and should be there tomorrow; here is the tracking number—“

Caller: “That’s not good enough; you need to get me that now!”

Me: “It’s overnighted and will be there tomorrow.”

Caller: “That’s no good; I want it right now. You need to hurry up, a**hole!”

Me: “If you don’t learn to talk like a big boy, I’m going to have to hang up on you.”

Caller: “F*** you, a**hole!”

Me: *click*

Unfiltered Story #155095

, , , | | Unfiltered | June 18, 2019

(the store was having a promotion of 20% off dresses and skirts with signs posted everywhere)
customer: (holding up a shirt) Is this top 20% off?
manager: No ma’am, just dresses and skirts.
customer: Well, what about those pants?
manager: …No ma’am, just dresses and skirts.

A Whole Tray Of Complaint

, , , , , | Right | March 13, 2019

(I work as a sales associate at a store that sells a lot of home furnishings, as well as furniture. I work with smaller items like vases and dinnerware. I’m currently working with kitchen products. A customer approaches the counter.)

Me: “Hi there. How are you doing today?”

Customer: “I’ve got a complaint.”

Me: “Okay, I’m sorry to hear that, but how may I be of assistance in handling this complaint?”

Customer: *takes out an ice cube tray* “I have a complaint about this product.”

Me: “Okay. What is wrong with the ice cube tray?”

Customer: “I’ve been using it for about a year and a half and it’s taken on an odd smell.”

Me: *warily picks up the tray and sniffs it to discover that it’s the smell of frozen food bags and general “freezer” smell* “I think this is what it’s supposed to smell like. That’s what mine smells like.”

Customer: “Well, then, something is very wrong with you because it shouldn’t smell like that.”

Me: “I… Would you like to buy a new one?”

Customer: “I’d like to return this one.”

Me: “Well, you just said that you have been using it for over a year, and it smells normal to me. Maybe if you clean it and then clean out your freezer, you can continue using it.”

Customer: “No. I want a refund because it doesn’t smell right.”

Me: “Our policy is ninety days in unused and unwashed condition, with receipt, for a full cash refund, and not only have you used it and washed it, but it’s also been over a year since you bought it.”

Customer: “I demand to speak to your manager.”

Me: “About an ice cube tray that smells normal? I’ll get her, but I generally wouldn’t bring back items that cost $10 after a year of use.”

(The customer was so grumpy she had me pull my manager, who reluctantly gave her store credit for the product so that she could keep good faith with the customer.)

Unfiltered Story #142119

, , , | Unfiltered | February 27, 2019

(Note: My store has a sale where if you buy certain wines, you get a second bottle for a nickel.)

Customer: Excuse me, for the Five Cent Sale, do I need to get identical bottles?

Me: Yes.

Customer: So, they just have to be the same price?

Me: No, it has to be the same bottle.

Customer: So, if I get a white and a red…?

Me: Um, the answer to your first question was yes: they have to be identical bottles.

Customer: Oh. (Grabs a bottle of Chardonnay) Does this brand make a red?

Me: Yes. They make a Pinot Noir, a Cabernet, and a Red Blend.

Customer: Where are those?

Me: Our wine is organized by varietal. The Cabernet is right here in the Cabernet section.

Customer: Well, if I knew where that was, I wouldn’t be asking you.

Me: (Touching the bottle) It’s right here. The Red Blend is in its the next aisle and the Pinot Noir is right over there. 

Customer: Well, how was I supposed to know which wines they make?

I Don’t See Race – Or Receipts

, , , , , | Right | August 22, 2018

(I work in a high-end clothing store. On this day a customer I served a few days earlier walks up to my register with an expensive dress.)

Customer: “Hey, I bought this from you and it didn’t fit me. I’ve got the receipt and spoke with the person who served me, and they said you’d give me a full cash refund?”

Me: “Uh, actually, I’m the one who served you, and no, I didn’t say that.”

Customer: *pauses* “Uh… Really?”

Me: “If you look at the top of your receipt, it says who served you.” *points out where* “See? my name’s right there.”

Customer: “Really? That was you?”

(I tap my name tag.)

Me: “I am, indeed, the one who served you, and I’m afraid that, no, we can’t give you cash back for this, as you purchased the item with a gift card. If you want to return it, we’ll have to give you your money back the same way.”

Customer: “Uh… Well… You know… You guys all look the same to me, so I thought… uh… I mean… D***, guess that’s dead in the water now.”

(She slunk out in defeat. For the record, I have olive skin and black hair from my Italian heritage, and my coworkers include a pale redhead, two Asians, and an African American. Still not sure whether it’s good or bad that a customer apparently deemed us all to be no different from each other.)

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