Keep Driving East And Eventually, It Will!

, , , , , | Working | September 17, 2019

(I travel pretty much everywhere in my city by bus and it is usually easy to tell who the tourists are as they often ask the divers for specific stops. The drivers don’t always appreciate having to be a tour guide for these folks.)

Tourist: “Where is the stop for Chinatown?”

Driver: “You get off when it looks like China.”

Tourist: “Yes, but what is the specific stop?”

Driver: “You get off when it looks like China!”

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Avocado-Over

, , , , , | Right | August 5, 2019

(Our roommate works in the deli and told us this story of the first customer he had on the busiest day of the week.)

Employee: “Hi, welcome to [Store]. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a [sandwich with avocado].”

Employee: “No problem.” *makes the sandwich like usual and starts spreading the avocado on the bread for this type of sandwich*

Customer: “I don’t want it on that bread; I want it on this type of bread.”

Employee: “Okay, then.”

(He has to dispose of the other sandwich and start a new one on the requested type of bread. He has just spread the avocado on again…)

Customer: “Don’t you have any fresh avocado?”

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, the deli only carries this type of avocado spread.”

Customer: “Well, [Sandwich Chain] carries it! Why can’t you do it like them?”

Employee: “Would you like me to get a fresh avocado for you, sir?”

Customer: “Yes!”

([Employee] gets a fresh avocado from the other side of the store and brings it back to the deli and starts to remake the sandwich again. He scoops the fresh avocado out of its skin and proceeds to spread it on the bread.)

Customer: “You’re doing it wrong!”

Employee: *becoming annoyed* “I’m sorry, sir, how did you want me to make it?”

Customer: “You’re supposed to use avocado slices, like [Sandwich Chain]!” 

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, this is the only way I’ve been trained to make this sandwich. Did you want to order something else?”

(The customer makes a disgruntled noise but allows the employee to finish the sandwich they ordered before stomping off. The employee proceeds to watch the customer buy the sandwich, and then promptly walk over to customer service and return it, complaining loudly the entire time about what horrible sandwiches are made at the deli. After the grumpy customer leaves, the customer service clerk comes over.)

Customer Service Clerk: “What was that about?”

([Employee] rehashes the entire experience over again to the clerk.)

Customer Service Clerk: “Man, if it had been me, I would have refused to make his sandwich again after the second time!”

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Only Big Boys Get Their Trucks Replaced

, , , , , , | Right | June 24, 2019

(I answer calls in an insurance office. A client is mad that we overnighted the check to replace his truck; he wanted his check to instantly manifest in front of him as he was walking away from his totaled rig.)

Me: “The check is in the mail and should be there tomorrow; here is the tracking number—“

Caller: “That’s not good enough; you need to get me that now!”

Me: “It’s overnighted and will be there tomorrow.”

Caller: “That’s no good; I want it right now. You need to hurry up, a**hole!”

Me: “If you don’t learn to talk like a big boy, I’m going to have to hang up on you.”

Caller: “F*** you, a**hole!”

Me: *click*

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Unfiltered Story #155095

, , , | Unfiltered | June 18, 2019

(the store was having a promotion of 20% off dresses and skirts with signs posted everywhere)
customer: (holding up a shirt) Is this top 20% off?
manager: No ma’am, just dresses and skirts.
customer: Well, what about those pants?
manager: …No ma’am, just dresses and skirts.

A Whole Tray Of Complaint

, , , , , | Right | March 13, 2019

(I work as a sales associate at a store that sells a lot of home furnishings, as well as furniture. I work with smaller items like vases and dinnerware. I’m currently working with kitchen products. A customer approaches the counter.)

Me: “Hi there. How are you doing today?”

Customer: “I’ve got a complaint.”

Me: “Okay, I’m sorry to hear that, but how may I be of assistance in handling this complaint?”

Customer: *takes out an ice cube tray* “I have a complaint about this product.”

Me: “Okay. What is wrong with the ice cube tray?”

Customer: “I’ve been using it for about a year and a half and it’s taken on an odd smell.”

Me: *warily picks up the tray and sniffs it to discover that it’s the smell of frozen food bags and general “freezer” smell* “I think this is what it’s supposed to smell like. That’s what mine smells like.”

Customer: “Well, then, something is very wrong with you because it shouldn’t smell like that.”

Me: “I… Would you like to buy a new one?”

Customer: “I’d like to return this one.”

Me: “Well, you just said that you have been using it for over a year, and it smells normal to me. Maybe if you clean it and then clean out your freezer, you can continue using it.”

Customer: “No. I want a refund because it doesn’t smell right.”

Me: “Our policy is ninety days in unused and unwashed condition, with receipt, for a full cash refund, and not only have you used it and washed it, but it’s also been over a year since you bought it.”

Customer: “I demand to speak to your manager.”

Me: “About an ice cube tray that smells normal? I’ll get her, but I generally wouldn’t bring back items that cost $10 after a year of use.”

(The customer was so grumpy she had me pull my manager, who reluctantly gave her store credit for the product so that she could keep good faith with the customer.)

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