Making A Grave Mistake

, , , , , | Working | February 7, 2018

(We sell knitting supplies, and therefore deal with a lot of elderly customers. It is a slow day. A colleague of mine decides to take a nap at the cashier, until the phone rings, waking him up.)

Coworker: “Hello, this is Silent Grove Cemetery. Which hole do you want?”

(He then hung up and went back to sleep as I stared incredulously.)

They’re All Behaving Crackers

, , , , | Hopeless | February 2, 2018

(My wife and I take a coach tour up to the vineyards in Sonoma. It’s a Tuesday, so the bus, which leaves at 7:30 am, is full of pensioners, and us. The tour guide is obviously surprised to see us, but all is well once we explain that we’re on “vacation” for our honeymoon. He seats us near the front of the bus so we get a good view. On the way to the vineyards, we stop for a rest and coffee break in a small town, where the tour guide informs us:)

Tour Guide: “This where you buy your crackers. Crackers are REALLY expensive at the vineyards. You need to buy crackers here. HERE.”

(We’ve never been asked to provide our own crackers at a wine tasting before, but all the other patrons seem keen, so we follow along, and buy a small packet of eight crackers. As we get back on the bus every one of the pensioners is struggling under the sheer weight of the number of crackers that they’ve bought. Most have more than ten large packs each. More than you could reasonably eat in a month. I’m starting to wonder if crackers are a form of currency in wine country, like cigarettes in prison. Half an hour later we arrive at the first vineyard. As the bus stops, the other passengers are already barging each other out of the way, trying to get off first. Even though we’re at the front, no one allows us to get off until everyone has gone past us. Of course, they’re all rushing for the bathroom. Not a problem. Some older people need to use the facilities more regularly than most. By the time we get into the visitor center, the queue has formed, and they’re all arguing with each other:)

Pensioner #1: “I had two coffees back in town. Let me go first.”

Pensioner #2: “I had bowel cancer. I need to be given priority!”

Pensioner #3: “I’ve GOT bowel cancer right now. I need priority!”

(We make a mental note to make sure we’re off the bus quickly at the next stop, which is a larger vineyard that also has a restaurant as part of the visitor centre. I get into the bathroom ahead of the pensioners; there is only one cubicle, and two urinals. A man and a young boy enter behind me, and go into the cubicle. As I’m washing my hands, the mob of pensioners descends. They begin banging on the door to the cubicle.)

Pensioner #1:  “Get out. I’m a senior citizen. I need this more than you!”

(Then, the in-fighting starts again.)

Pensioner #2: “Hey, I told ya, I’ve got cancer. I need to use the cubicle.”

Pensioner #3: “We’ve all got cancer, buddy. Get back in line.”

(The man in the cubicle shouts that he is in there with his son, and will be out in a minute.)

Pensioner #1: “Hurry up!”

Pensioner #2: “I’m next.”

Pensioner #3: “No way. You went ahead of me at the last winery.”

(There’s jostling. Then pushing. I manage to squeeze past them to exit. They continue pounding on the door to the cubicle, as if that will make the little boy speed up. I find the tour guide chatting to the manager of the restaurant, and explain what’s happening. They both roll their eyes.)

Manager: “It’s always the Tuesday tour, ain’t it?”

(He walks back and shouts at the top of his voice for the seniors to behave themselves. The poor little boy comes out but has clearly been crying. The manager takes them up to the bar, and beckons my wife and me over as well.)

Manager: “All you guys, anything you want, it’s on the house today.”

Me: “Oh, that’s not necessary—”

Manager: “No, I insist. You’re visitors to this fine state of ours, and I want to make sure you have the best time.”

(We ordered a sharing platter starter, for which he insisted on doubling all the portions, including the wines, then gifted us a bottle to take home with us. After lunch there was another winery to visit, but the seniors were much better behaved this time. We were back by six pm, and watched as they all left the bus with their unopened boxes of crackers. I don’t think anyone had more than about four, anyway. Even though that was eight years ago, I still buy a bottle of the wine from the vineyard that made us so welcome, every time I see it. They do a mean Lodi Zinfandel.)

Turning Their Back On Your Backpack

, , , , , , | Working | January 31, 2018

(I am looking for a second backpack to take with me on a particularly long hiking trip I have planned with my significant other. Usually we just take one pack between the two of us, since we only do day hikes, but we figure we’ll need extra water and supplies in this case. We’re not having much luck finding a backpack we actually like, so I go to talk to an employee working in that section. It’s worth noting that I’m a young, fairly dainty-looking woman, and the employee is an older man.)

Me: *holding a sturdy but light, well-ventilated backpack with several pockets and a very large hip strap* “Hi, I’m looking for something a bit like this: a pack that’s fairly structured, and the back should be cooler, and—”

Employee: *interrupting* “—what do you mean cooler? Cooler how?”

(He gives me a strange look. I’m not sure whether he thinks he’s being funny or literally doesn’t understand.)

Me: *smiles and chuckles uncomfortably* “Temperature cooler, because the back is ventilated. And one that’s fairly light and—”

Employee: *interrupting again, in a very condescending tone* “Well, then, it looks like you’ve got one right there!”

Me: *starting to get annoyed* “Right, but I want one without the big hip strap. It just gets in the way, and it isn’t necessary on a pack this small.”

Employee: *again in the condescending tone* “Well, we have a few without straps, for carrying books and such, for school.”

Me: “No, I want it for hiking. The ones for books tend to be too heavy to carry all day. How about a hiking backpack?”

Employee: “Well, there’s this over here; the hip straps are so small you don’t even notice them and could cut them right off!”

(He picks up a backpack made of cheap, flimsy material that feels like plastic and could obviously tear easily.)

Me: “No, that’s really flimsy. I said I wanted one with a little more structure and—”

Employee: *wanders away muttering*

(I ended up finding one I liked on my own, but decided to order it online instead; this is one local business I feel NO need to support!)

Unfiltered Story #103838

, , , | Unfiltered | January 17, 2018

(I work at a coffee shop/cafe/bakery and I am training a new employee on register. We also happen to sell bread we make in house daily. There are a lot of different types and daily specials which have a different cost than the regular $10 we charge. It is quite busy and the line is long. I am overhearing this exchange from the espresso machine.)

Customer: “Can I get a loaf of sourdough bread?”

(This happens to be a special loaf sold for $6, and my coworker doesn’t know that. She clicks “bread loaf- $10” and walks to the shelf where it is kept.)

Coworker: *when she gets back with bread in hand* “Okay, sir. That will be $10.88 with tax. Will you be paying with cash or card?”

Customer: “$10?! It’s supposed to be $6!” *my coworker realizes her mistake*

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir; that is my fault. This bread is a special and costs less than the regular loaf. I will change that immediately.”

Customer: “This is supposed to be a professional business! If one thing says $6, it should be $6!”

Coworker: “I agree, sir, and I apologize for my mistake. I would be happy to get you a free coffee for any trouble.”

Customer: “I don’t want anything for free, but I certainly don’t want to be charged extra for something not even worth $6!”

(My coworker is clearly getting flustered although she is handling it very well. I stop the drink I am making and step in.)

Me: “Sir, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I was buying this loaf and she tried to charge me extra! Then she refused to change it!”

Me: “Sir, from what I heard that was not the case. The loaf you ordered was a special and she was unaware, so she thought it was normal priced. When this was brought to her attention she apologized for her mistake and offered you a free coffee. We are very busy right now; please either buy the bread or leave.”

Customer: “I’ll buy the d*** bread but I sure as hell am not paying $10.88 for it!”

Coworker: “Sir, we aren’t asking you to. We are asking you to pay the regular price of $6.53 with tax.”

Customer: “Fine! Get me the f****** bread! And here’s your f****** money! That’s what you get for hiring a woman!”

(The customer grabs the bread and throws his money at us.)

Me: “That is very unusual, [Her Name]. I’m sorry about that. You handled it very well.”

Coworker: starts laughing really hard* “That guy was crazy! Oh my god, ok, I’m good.”

(The day continued nicely and now she is one of our best employees and one of my good friends. We joke about it to this day!)

Unfiltered Story #103648

, , | Unfiltered | January 14, 2018

A little bit of background: I work at a coffee shop where the customer receipts and the food order ticket both print out right next to the register. The cashier is then supposed to take the order ticket and give it to the worker at the food station. Without this ticket, we don’t know what food to make.

One morning we are SLAMMED! I clock in and am immediately put on register. My store manager is working on food right behind me. She hands me two croissants to hand out.

Me: “Two croissants to go!”
(Customer approaches and I go to hand them over)
Customer: “I’d like those in a bag with the rest of my order.”
Me: “Ok, not a problem. What else did you order?”
(Customer mumbles something about a bagel and walks away. For the next 15 minutes my manager and I are trying to figure out what else he ordered. This is hard to do since I don’t have enough time between ringing out customers to look at the previous sales on the register. Finally the customer and his wife come back up.)
Customer: “Where’s my food?! We’ve been waiting a long time!”
Me: “Yes, sorry about that. We’re just having some trouble figuring out what else you ordered. What did you get?”
Customer: *mumbling while looking at his wife* “We got two bagels.”
Customer’s Wife: *also mumbling* “And an avocado toast.”
(At this point both my manager and I are exchanging looks as we don’t have any orders matching that description. Finally I decide to just ask for the name.)
Me: “What was the name?”
Customer: “It’s [customer’s name]!”
(He proceeds to pull the order ticket OUT OF HIS POCKET to show me. I’m dumbfounded at the point trying to figure out how best to explain the situation without letting the customer know that he was a complete idiot for taking that in the first place.)
Me: “Sir where did you get that?”
Customer: “From there!” *points at the printer next to the register, meaning our cashier did not mistakenly hand it to him. He had reached past our cashier while she was distracted and taken it.*
Me: “Well, the reason we haven’t made your food yet is because you’ve taken the order ticket. Without that we don’t know what to make.”
(Customer proceeds to stare at me as if he doesn’t quite understand. I try to explain it again before he cuts me off.)
Customer: “Ugh, alright! Here!
(I give the order ticket to my manager, who then makes it as quickly as she can before throwing everything in a bag and handing it off. Once they leave we just shake our heads in disbelief. This guy was a regular so there was no excuse for him not knowing how our system works! Needless to say we spent the rest of the day telling our coworkers and laughing at him.)

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