(A vendor had requested a rush check cut and sent overnight. The check hasn’t arrived and he calls me, clearly looking for a fight.)

Vendor: *on the phone* “We never received the check today. We specifically requested the check be rushed and sent overnight so we would receive it by Thursday! I don’t know what you do sitting at that desk all day! Did you even cut the check?”

Me: *ignoring that and using my cheery customer service voice* “Let me look up the tracking number. Okay, it says your package is at the facility that had the shooting yesterday.”

(The San Francisco UPS facility had an employee shoot and kill three people and himself.)

Me: “It’s been delayed one day.”

Vendor: *silence*

Me: “So, it looks like we got that sorted. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

(The kicker is he had the tracking number. He could have looked up and seen the reason without looking like an a**.)

(I work at a low cost retailer on the weekends to make some extra cash. The weekend before Father’s Day, my manager approaches me while I restock some shelves.)

Manager: “Can you work next weekend?”

Me: “Yes. Why?”

Manager: “Thank God! I’m having problems finding people willing to work on Father’s Day.”

(Before I can say anything, an older customer who is standing a few feet away speaks up.)

Customer: “You want to work on Father’s Day? How could you! Don’t you love your father? Don’t you want to spend time with him? What kind of daughter are you? Don’t want to see your own your father on Father’s Day?!”

Manager: *turns to Customer* “I’m sorry, ma’am—”

Customer: *turns her wrath towards the manager* “And you! How could you ask this poor young woman to work on the day made to celebrate her father?!”

(My manager looks flummoxed for a moment, so I jump in.)

Me: “Ma’am? My father has been dead for ten years, and really, he was an a**-hole when he was alive. I don’t think he really cares what I do on Father’s Day.”

(The customer stops and stares at me, her mouth agape. Then she turns and hurries away. I glance at my manager, sure I’m about to get yelled at for cursing at a customer, but am surprised to see him grinning ear to ear.)

Manager: “So… still available to work next weekend?”

My boyfriend has a untrained dog who, embarrassingly, jumps on people any chance he can get, and humps legs. One day my boyfriend came home from walking him, while I was cleaning under the TV stand, and yep, the dog tackled me and went to town before I could shove him off.

Later that month, I had a doctor’s appointment and found out I was pregnant! We had been trying, but my boyfriend was a little quiet at first. Everything went well, and when I had my ultrasound we found out we were having twins.

I told my boyfriend, “I know you’ve been worried about fatherhood, but I know everything will be fine with our little girls. My mother’s going to help out financially, and we have enough room in the nursery for a second crib.”

He replied, “It’s not the money that worried me. I’m just glad you’re not having puppies.”

(I am waiting for my tank to fill when I suddenly hear yelling across the aisle and see two women at two different pumps.)

Woman #1: “Move your d*** car! I want to get out of here!”

Woman #2: “I can’t move my car; it’s still fuelling up. You can easily move around my car.”

(She gestures towards the vacant area next to her car that is big enough for a car to pass through if need be.)

Woman #1: “My car is too close! It will hit your car. Just move!”

Woman #2: “Why can’t you just go into reverse and give yourself more space to move out?”

Woman #1: “I shouldn’t have to move for you. I asked you to f****** move your car and you’re gonna f****** move your car. Now!”

(The manager of the gas station walks over and tells Woman #1 to just put her car in reverse and move or he would call the cops. She does so, but rolls down her window, flips them off, and throws a cheeseburger at Woman #2’s car while driving away.)

Woman #1: “Got you, b****!”

Manager: *to [Woman #2]* “That burger doesn’t look like it will come off easily. You will need a deluxe wash.”

(He signals his coworker to ring her up.)

Manager: “On the house.”

(Apparently, he signalled a coworker a gesture meaning “give the customer something for free.”)

(I work in customer service for an online retail marketplace with third party sellers. We often call sellers to resolve customer service problems. My coworker is new; it’s his first day on the phones.) 

Coworker: “Hi, I’m calling from [company] regarding a mutual customer’s order.”

(A moment passes and he hangs up the phone.)

Coworker: “The seller said ‘I don’t have time for this right now’ and hung up. Is that normal?”

(Well, at least he got an answer on the first call!)