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Since When Is It Appropriate To Ask Strangers Medical Questions, Anyway?

, , , , | Friendly | October 17, 2021

I am female, and it’s hotter than Hades where I’m from. I don’t like my natural hair, so I shaved it one summer. I got lots of mixed reactions from different people, most of them positive, with the occasional rude person who thought I looked like a boy even though I wear makeup and am well-endowed. This takes the cake, though.

I was sitting in a coffee shop waiting for my boyfriend and his sister, and I had already ordered and been complimented by the barista. One woman got her drink, spotted me, and clutched her hand to her chest with a soft, “Oh!”

Woman: “You are such an inspiration, dear! Was it hard, battling the cancer?” 

Me: “Um, I don’t have cancer. I just have my hair like this because I like it this way.” 

Woman: *Chuckles* “Oh, sweetie, there’s no need to pretend! Was it very difficult? What kind was it?” 

Me: “I’m serious; I’ve never had cancer. Some girls just like their heads shaved, and I’m one of them.” 

The woman huffed and stormed away. I later overheard her talking on the phone about “that poor girl with the shaved head”. I told my boyfriend and his sister about it, and they both agreed she was either nuts or trying to be a good person and thought I was being stubborn.

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Sounds Like This Guy Is Feeling Just Peachy

, , , , | Working | October 15, 2021

It’s about nine or ten at night and I’m waiting in the drive-thru of a fast food chain that has one of those fancier soda machines that offers multiple different flavors. Personally, I enjoy peach-flavored variants of the usual soda brands. The employee that was helping me steps away to get my order. I’m just absentmindedly on my phone when a different employee seems to stumble up to the soda machine and just stare at it. After a few seconds, he speaks first before looking at me.

Employee: “Hey, you.”

Me: “Oh, uh, yes?”

Employee: “You’re the one that ordered peach [soda], right?”

Me: “Yes?”

Employee: “Is it good?”

Me: “I mean I like it a lot, so yeah, I guess.”

Employee: “Aha…”

He gets a small water cup, fills it up, swirls it around a bit like some people do with wine in wine glasses, and then raises it up towards me. 

Employee: “Cheers.”

He then stumbled away the same way he did when he appeared. Cheers to you, too, my guy.

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A Caffeine Crashing Halt

, , , , , | Working | October 15, 2021

I’m the office administrator for a large company. Part of my job is keeping the coffee and snacks stocked for the employees. Almost every day, we get food delivered using a popular app. Sometimes, I offer a cup of coffee or a snack for the driver since they have to work around food they can’t eat. However, one particular delivery driver will help himself, stuffing his pockets and walking out before anyone can answer. I’ve brought it up to the office manager before and he simply shrugs it off; it’s not like we personally pay for the snacks, and we offer them to people anyway, so let him have some.

One day, I stop at a coffee chain before work to treat myself to a seasonal drink. While I am making copies outside my office, I see [Delivery Driver] go in, look around, and then take a sip of my coffee before carrying it back out toward the door.

I’ve had enough. I follow him to the door, grab the coffee from his hand, and throw it in the trash. I then go back to him and hold the door open.

Delivery Driver: “Why did you throw out my coffee?”

Me: “Get out, [Delivery Driver].”

Delivery Driver: “What?”

Me: “That was my coffee.”

Delivery Driver: *Laughing uncomfortably* “It’s just coffee.”

Me: “I’m tired of your inconsiderate behavior. Our snacks and drinks are not here for you; they are for [Company] employees. You want something, you ask first and wait for a response. If you don’t get a yes, you don’t touch it.”

Delivery Driver: “You’re really being a b**** over a cup of coffee? Wow, [My Name], if you’re that poor, I’ll give you money for it.”

Me: *Yelling* “Get out!”

My office manager came out to see why I was yelling. I told him what had happened and [Delivery Driver] denied everything, accusing me of being racist and trying to find a reason to get out of tipping him. The office manager sided with me and sternly told [Delivery Driver] to leave.

I left a negative review on the delivery app and contacted customer service. [Delivery Driver] hasn’t been around for a few weeks, so I don’t know what happened. I don’t wish for bad things to happen to most people, but I do hope he got fired.

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Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 4

, , , , , | Right | October 1, 2021

Among the things our store offers are ice cream cakes: custom decorated desserts with two-thirds ice cream atop one-third chocolate or vanilla cake.

One scorchingly hot summer afternoon, I call my manager.

Me: “Hey, listen, there’s a woman who wants a refund on her ice cream cake because it melted.”

Manager: “Ugh… That’s one of the few things we really can’t do anything about.”

Me: “Well, she claims she didn’t know it was made with ice cream. She says it’s ‘false advertising’ to call them ‘cakes’.”

Manager: “Despite getting it from an ice cream shop that sells ice cream, with a big display of ice cream cakes, in boxes labeled ‘ice cream cakes’?”

Me: “Don’t forget the five-foot-tall sign showing an ice cream cake cut to show the ice cream and cake within. Also, she had to pick the flavor of ice cream she wanted. Rocky Road.”

Manager: “Ugh. I remember that one.”

Rocky Road is nearly impossible to work with as a cake top, as not only do the nuts make it hard to make smooth, but the marshmallows will push out after being smoothed down.

Manager: “How long did she have it sitting out?”

Me: “According to her, two hours, but…”

Manager: “In this heat?! It wouldn’t have lasted twenty minutes! Thirty tops.”

Me: “Oh, no, no, no… Two hours after driving it up to [Popular Mountain Resort].”

Manager: *Sputtering* “That’s… That’s three hours from here! Five hours! Five hours!

Me: “Yup. You want to be the one to explain thermodynamics to her?”

The customer did not receive a refund.

Related:
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 3
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 2
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here

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Literally Adding Insult To Injury

, , , , , | Legal | September 30, 2021

I had a heart attack as I was walking home and collapsed in the street. As I was lying on the ground, I heard somebody rushing towards me and could feel them lean over me. I was trying to thank them, in a barely conscious state, when they ransacked my pockets, taking my wallet, my watch, and my keys, and ran off leaving me to lose consciousness in the street.

Fortunately, another bystander witnessed what happened and called 911. Soon, I was in the back of an ambulance and a patrol car was headed to my house, where they found and arrested a young man inside loading my goods into his car. He was arrested and a local CCTV camera confirmed that he was the person who robbed me.

A few months later in court, the judge asked this young pillar of the community if he had anything to say for himself before sentencing.

Robber: “Hey, man, I thought he was dead and wouldn’t need any of his s***!”

Strangely, it didn’t mitigate his sentence in any way. The kicker: he was in training to become a pastor.

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