(A friend and I go to a diner that we often visit for a late lunch. We’re pretty much the only ones there. Our server has worked there for years and, although he’s very nice, he’s not very bright. We finish our food and try and get his attention. He smiles and nods. We try again and he looks confused and waves at us. We try a third time when he grabs another server and points to us.)

Server #2: “How can I help you?”

Me: “We’re just ready for the check.”

(She goes back to the counter.)

Server #1: “What did they want?”

Server #2: *exasperated* “They wanted their check.”

(I am the technical support supervisor for a game company that was the first to allow multiple players to play games like Diablo. To use the service you have to download the executable, then run it; the server checks the executable to make sure it’s okay (to avoid viruses, etc.) and then you are taken online to match up with someone to play a game. We get a lot of trash talking from people who don’t know we have their home addresses, but this is about a very special customer unfamiliar with weather systems.)

Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My download stopped and I don’t know how to restart it.”

Me: “Okay, that’s a very common issue.” *explains how to restart the download*

Customer: “Thanks!”

(The customer hangs up. Two minutes later:)

Me: “Hello—”

Customer: “I’m so glad it’s you! It stopped again.”

Me: “So you need me to tell you how to start it again?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

(I repeat my earlier instructions. We sign off. Five minutes later:)

Customer: “Hi, its me again!”

Me: “Ma’am, if I might ask, what keeps causing you to stop downloading?”

Customer: “The power keeps going out.”

Me: “You should really talk to your electric company; you could be getting surges on the line that are harmful to your computer or other electronic devices with the power flickering on and off.”

Customer: “Oh, the power company can’t help me. We’re in the middle of a severe tropical storm.”

Me: “You’re trying to download a game client in your house in the middle of a hurricane?”

(At this point my coworkers hear me, and all start laughing. Loudly.)

Customer: “Yes. Are people laughing at me?”

Me: “No, someone just said something funny.” *technically true* “Ma’am, you need to get off the phone and turn off your computer. You could be getting surges from the storm down your phone line or in your electrical system—”

Customer: “I’m fine! I have a surge protector. Oh. There go the lights again. Maybe I should write down how to restart the download?”

Me: “Ma’am. Get. Off. The. Phone. Turn off all your powered electronics. Huddle in the dark with a flashlight and read.”

Customer: “But I have a—”

Me: “Yes, surge protector. I know. Won’t help.”

Customer: “Can you please just give me the directions so when the lights come back on I can try again?”

Me: *trying hard not to sigh heavily* “Yes, ma’am.”

(I gave her the instructions, having to pause briefly because she couldn’t see well in the dark, and then finished and hung up the phone. My coworkers continued to repeat “In a hurricane?!” throughout the rest of the day.)

I am a freshman in college working late one night on some homework with another classmate. Our professor encourages us to compare answers with our classmates to make sure we understand the material before handing it in. Our school has a very strict no tolerance policy against plagiarizing so while we are allowed to compare answers, we are not allowed to simply copy another’s homework. It’s about halfway through the term and usually there’s another girl (we’ll call her M) working with us in our study group. For some reason she can’t make it and asks for us to send her our answers so that we can go over them through email. However, once we send them to her we never hear back, despite sending her multiple messages. We eventually decide to just work without her in order to get the assignment turned in on time.

We don’t see M in class the next day and later that week I receive an email from my professor asking me to meet him after class. Naturally I spend the rest of the day trying to figure what I did wrong. Turns out the TA’s in the class noticed that M had turned in screenshots for most of her answers. Normally this wouldn’t raise suspicions since many students like to do their assignments by hand and turn in scanned copies. However, in M’s case they notice the handwriting doesn’t match up with the rest of her answers. Turns out that M had taken screenshots of my answer, pasted them into her own assignment, and sent it in!

Of course this got sent on to the Honor Board. I went through weeks of anxiety submitting a testimony, evidence, and having multiple conversations trying to clear my name. I even offered to have them pull my text messages to show that I never gave her permission to copy my answers. I didn’t care that M had messed up her own academic record but I was raging that she had put my own in jeopardy as well. In the end they cleared me and M was suspended. I’ve never been so relieved in my life and since then I’ve had no patience for anyone who cheats. I’d rather fail a class than get kicked out of school. M tried to contact me through Popular Social Media Site sometime during the next term. I simply deleted it and blocked her.

(I’m babysitting my two nephews at my house. The eldest is six and the youngest is four. They have spotted my exercise bike and immediately hop on it to see how fast they can pedal. I sit nearby to keep an eye on them while they get some of their energy out, and overhear the following:)

Eldest Nephew: *viewing the ‘calories burned’ display* “Wow, [Brother]! You sure got a lot of points!”

(My store’s sump pump has stopped working and caused raw sewage to back up into the store. We have closed the store until the plumber is able to fix the problem and a hazmat team can come and clean everything. All the doors have signs saying we are closed. Unfortunately for me, policy says that whenever workers are in the store a supervisor has to be in the store with them as well. I am that supervisor. I am sitting in the customer area in one of the only spots I can sit without being in sewage. Since we closed customers have come up, read the sign, and left. A few tried the handle first, then when they couldn’t open it read the sign, and left. I’m sitting in the back watching but there isn’t much I can do. A customer comes up to the door and tries it. It doesn’t open. She pulls harder. She walks around to the other door and tries that one. Then she goes back to the first and then back to the second. She then comes over to the window that is next to where I am sitting. There is a shrub that runs the length of this side of the store from the door all the way back. She forces her way through the shrub and starts banging on the window. She bangs harder. Finally I get up because she isn’t leaving and go to the side door, the one closest to her.)

Me: “Ma’am, we’re closed.”

Customer: “Finally! Your doors are stuck.”

Me: “No, we’re closed. They are locked.”

Customer: “It’s very unprofessional for you to just be sitting on the job. It’s very lazy of you.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re closed. We are having technical issues and I can’t let anyone in.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve been here for 30 minutes and I demand a drink for free! I got mud all over my shoes and it’s your fault for having doors that wouldn’t open!”

Me: *standing near sewage* “Ma’am, we’re closed. I am closing the door now. Our competitor is across the parking lot. I suggest you go there.”

(I then close and relock the door, not sure how she has missed the horrible smell that is coming from the store. After a few more minutes she leaves in a huff. The next day I’m working and the phone rings so I pick it up.)

Customer: “I came by yesterday and the person working was being lazy and locked the door because they didn’t want to help anyone! Because of them my shoes were ruined and I was late getting back from my lunch break!”

Me: “Ma’am, that was me. We were closed, the door was locked, the lights were out, and there were signs. What else did you want us to do?”

Customer: “Well, Google said you were open, so you should have been open!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we can’t know ahead of time when things are going to break causing us to close the store. I’m hanging up now.”

(And I did. She left a one star online review about us not being open during business hours and the lazy employees.)