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Everyone Loves A Saucy Coworker

, , , , , | Working | December 3, 2021

The work cafeteria is always overly generous with the little sauce sachets. Rather than putting them in the bin, I put them in my desk. Apparently, this is “weird” according to [Coworker] and a sign of hoarding. I have at most six; if I don’t get through them, someone will forget to pick one up and I give them one from my drawer.

I’ve been on a diet recently, so I have been bringing in my own lunch.

Coworker: *Sighs* “Do you have any tomato sauce?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Coworker: “You didn’t even look!”

Me: “No, but I know I don’t have any.”

Coworker: *Shouting* “Liar! You have hundreds in there! Now, suddenly, I ask for one and you run out?!”

Me: “Apparently so.”

Coworker: “Right! I’m not having this!”

She marches off and returns with a very confused woman from HR.

HR Employee: “What is this all about?”

[Coworker] looks at me with a smug expression.

Me: “[Coworker] asked to have some sauce, but I don’t have any.”

HR Employee: “Sorry, what?”

Coworker: “He’s lying. He has loads. He’s a hoarder!”

Me: *To the HR employee* “You can look if you like?”

I open the drawer I do have the odd packet but no sauce.

HR Employee: “Okay, well… I don’t really see an issue here. [Coworker], can you walk with me?”

I don’t know what is said, but it looks like [Coworker] has a bit of a reality check. I think the matter solved, but then I’m invited to another meeting with a senior HR staff.

Senior HR: “I presume you know why you’re here?”

Me: “I guess, but it all seems a bit of a waste of time.”

Senior HR: “I would agree, but a complaint has been made and I need to review it with you.”

Me: “Okay? So, [Coworker] complained that I didn’t give her my property, which I didn’t have.”

Senior HR: “Pretty much.”

Me: “So…? Was there anything else to discuss?”

Senior HR: “No. Thanks for taking the time to see me. I will recommend that this matter is dropped and [Coworker] apologises.”

Me: “Oh, that’s it? Great, thanks.”

[Coworker] never apologised but did at least avoid me from then on. Little victories.

Communication In A Relationship Also Means LISTENING

, , , , , , | Romantic | December 3, 2021

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], can I ask you something?”

Me: “Sure, what’s up?”

Coworker: “When my girlfriend says she doesn’t want anything for her birthday, what should I get her?”

Me: “Uh, I dunno, probably nothing if that’s what she said?”

Coworker: “But I know she wants something!

Me: “I’ve never met her, so I have no idea what that would be.”

Coworker: “Well, when you tell your boyfriend you don’t want anything for your birthday, what do you expect?”

Me: “Nothing?”

Coworker: *Scoffs* “Oh, come on! You’d be pissed!”

Me: “Uh, no, I wouldn’t? I don’t play those kinds of games.”

Coworker: “Yeah, right. I’ll just go ask [Other Female Coworker].”

I realize there are women who play these games, but given how insistent he was that ALL women do it, I do wonder if his girlfriend really fell into that category.

Something, Something, Beggars, Choosers…

, , , , , , , | Working | December 1, 2021

[Coworker] has been complaining about selling his house for months. It’s a little rundown two-bed in the middle of nowhere. From what I saw in the photos, it looks way overpriced. He has mentioned that all the offers have been less than what he wants, and he isn’t going to take less than the maximum the estate agent said it could (possibly) get.

Me: “Morning, [Coworker], you all right?”

Coworker: “Yeah, although I’m sick of these buyers wasting my time.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, I forgot you left early the other day. Did it not go well?”

Coworker: “Another offer below the asking. I don’t know why they waste my time.”

Me: “Do you think that the price might be a little high if everyone is offering less? I mean, due to the market at the moment.”

Coworker: “I was told that the house was worth up to [high price] and that’s what I want!”

Me: “Fair enough.”

I think, “Don’t moan all the time, then.”

Coworker: “I’m going to put in a cheap kitchen this weekend. Do you have any tools?”

Me: “Not for kitchens, sorry. I didn’t realise it needed a new kitchen. Are you doing it yourself?”

Coworker: “Well, [TV Show] said it could increase the value of the house. And they fitted a kitchen in an afternoon.”

Me: “Okay, wow. Well, good luck.”

I eventually found out that he fitted the cheapest kitchen he could find, and he didn’t do a good job of it, either. Another six months and he finally sold for even less than the offers he’d received before. Of course, this was all the buyer’s fault somehow.

Treat Your Employees Like People And They Might Stick Around

, , , , , | Working | November 30, 2021

I was in a job for five years when a new director came in that I did not get along with, so I started to seek out a new job.

I got a call from an office asking to come in for an interview when I was out of town for my wedding. I let them know I was out of town and could schedule something for when I got back. The woman on the phone was a little rude after that but I brushed it off.

When I went in for my interview:

Interviewer: “So, you were out of town when we originally planned this interview. We are not looking to hire ‘transient’ people.”

Me: “I had a destination wedding which, naturally, had been planned for a while. And since I was in my last job for five years after graduating from school, I’m not sure how I come across as ‘transient’.”

The woman did not say much in return and instead gave me some paperwork regarding their company policies. There was nothing about time off, PTO, or sick leave, so I asked for clarification.

Interviewer: “See! I knew you were transient! You go off for trips instead of working. We want people for the long haul!”

I walked out.

They called me a few weeks later stating that the woman who interviewed me was no longer there and asked me to come back in. I politely declined. I looked up their employee reviews online a while later and saw that the turnover is horrible as they rarely approve time off and give one half-hour of sick leave per pay period.

Supervisor, Supervise Thyself!

, , , , | Working | November 28, 2021

I receive a phone call at 10:30 pm on a Sunday. I see that it’s my office supervisor.

Me: “Hello?”

Supervisor: “Did you send [file] on Friday like I asked?”

Me: “Yes, right before lunch.”

Supervisor: “Send it again.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll do it first—”

Supervisor: “Now.”

Me: “Now?”

Supervisor: “It’s due to the client on Monday by noon.”

Me: “I already sent it. I can send it again tomorrow but—”

Supervisor: “I need it now!”

Me: *Sigh* “You want me to go to the office on my day off to send a file I already sent? You know that’s double time for the full hour.”

Supervisor: “No! Absolutely not! It’s five minutes of work. Just come—”

Me: “I’ll look into it tomorrow morning. Goodnight, [Supervisor].”

I hung up before he could say anything else, turned my phone off, and went to sleep. When I woke up Monday morning, I had two angry voicemails about my unwillingness to be a team player, how my attitude would set us back thousands of dollars… and a text saying he had found it.