If A Woman With Dead Split Hair Is Looking For A Notary…

, , , , | Right | March 8, 2021

Customer: “I need a notary! Now!”

Coworker: “I’ll meet you right over at this table, ma’am. If you’ll just have your ID out, I’ll be right there.”

Customer: “This needs to be done quickly! I’m a hairstylist and I have a client in the chair right now.”

Coworker: “Okay, not a problem. It shouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes.”

The customer notices a problem with her document — I don’t know what — and needs to call someone to find out if she can still get it notarized or not. Her friend who came in with her keeps glancing at the time. About ten minutes later, the woman is finally off the phone. It turns out that whatever the problem was, it was something minor and she can still have it notarized.

Customer’s Friend: “Hey, should we just come back on your break? Or after work? We’ve been in here almost twenty minutes.”

Customer: “No, it’s fine. It’s not like her hair is going to fall out. It’s color, not highlights.”

Customer’s Friend: “How long should—”

Customer: “It’s fine. She’ll be fine. And if she’s not, she can just come back in a week to pay for color correction.”

By the time they finished arguing and the document was notarized and witnessed, they had been in our store for almost forty minutes. I’m not sure how far away they were from the salon the woman worked at, but all I can hope is that her client’s hair came out all right!

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We Thought “Birds Are Drones” Was Just A Meme

, , , , | Working | March 8, 2021

We have a know-it-all at work. Unfortunately, he also is a massive conspiracy nut and will not stop going on about conspiracies.

While I enjoy conspiracy theories — especially the nuttier ones — I don’t put any stock in them.

I’ve long learnt not to argue with him on them. He is “right,” even if you put the proof in his hands.

Today, however, he is being more annoying and belligerent than ever. My normal attempts to agree and let him run out of steam are not working. I’ve made several attempts to politely tell him to stop talking, yet on and on he goes.

After nearly an hour of his latest obsession — that birds are somehow highly advanced robot spies — he comes out with this gem.

Know-It-All: “I mean you would have to be stupid not to notice. Have you ever looked at a bird up close? It is obvious!”

Me: “I have, and no, they look like birds to me.”

Know-It-All: “No, not in a museum.”

He tuts like I’ve made a massively stupid statement

Know-It-All: “Actual flapping birds.”

Me: “Yes, I have seen actual live birds — real, flapping, eating birds.”

Know-It-All: “How, then? You can’t just go up to a bird and look at them. They’re clever. They move away.”

I think for a moment about his logic. If no one has seen them up close, how has he? Instead, I respond:

Me: “I have a bird feeder that has a two-way mirror. They come really close and I often watch them when I work from home. No spy cameras, no wires, just birds. Now, can we drop it, please? I can’t concentrate with all the noise.”

Thankfully, he shut up and the office was quiet again. I felt a bit sorry for him — after all, he wasn’t harming anyone with what he believes — but I just couldn’t do my work with his constant noise. I stopped feeling bad when I found out that he went to human resources to make a complaint about me. Apparently, it didn’t go any further when he repeatedly insulted the HR staff and accused them for working for the Illuminati.

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The Pen Is Mightier Than The Customer

, , | Right | March 8, 2021

In order to participate in one of our events, you have to fill out a registration slip. We have enough slips for everyone, and we have enough pens for people to use, but someone ALWAYS asks where the pens are. It happens every. Single. Event. I personally don’t care what container the pens are in, so long as the pens are in the same place, which is directly in front or next to the registration slips… which is where they always are.

Coworker: “Did you see where I put the pens?”

Me: “No, I didn’t. What did you do?”

Coworker: “I put them in that black bin. See it?”

Me: “Oh! Cool.”

Coworker: “Means that, hopefully, people don’t ask about it.”

Me: “Uh… yeah, that’s never gonna happen.”

An hour later:

Customer: “Where’re your pens?”

I answered, laughing, as my coworker head-desked.

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We All Wish We Could Forget Going To The DMV Like This

, , , | Right | March 7, 2021

I work for a national roadside/insurance/travel company. My primary job is to sign older drivers up for a “Safety Driving Class” that covers general safety tips for older drivers. One-hundred percent of this is done over the phone; the classes are not regularly scheduled, so I often have to call folks back when we have a class available.

This caller is an older woman.

Caller: “Hi. I’m calling for a friend who needs her license updated and I need my photo ID updated. Can we do that at your office?”

Me: “That needs to be done at the DMV, as [Company] cannot issue state-regulated items.”

Caller: *Silence* “Oh. What’s the DMV?”

Me: “The Department of Motor Vehicles, where they issue licenses and photo IDs. They also handle car registration, among other things. I can give you the number for one close to you, if you’d like.”

Caller: “I’m pretty sure I’ve never been there. I think you’re lying to me. I’m going to go to the [Company] branch office and tell them how you’re lying to me about this ‘Department of Automobiles.'”

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His Walking Issues Are Just “Visiting”

, , , | Right | March 7, 2021

I work in a company with two offices: a visitor office and an administration office. We are not supposed to help clients in our administration office, but we can decide otherwise if we think it’s the best thing to do.

In the past, I helped a man who was walking with difficulty, but I told him he had to go to the visitor office next time. I made it very clear that this was an exception and I wouldn’t be able to help him next time.

Months later, the man returns. He walks with difficulty once more, very slowly and needing to lean on everything he comes across.

Client: “I need a copy of [document].”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t give you that. You need to go to the visitor office.”

Client: “But I need this document.”

Me: “I know, but you can pick it up at the visitor office or call customer service. I told you this last time.”

Client: “But you can use your computer.”

Me: “No, sir, I can’t. I told you last time that I can get fired over this. Please go to the visitor office.”

The client shuffles on, but strangely enough, he goes to the side of my desk and leers into the space behind our glass door. I have a feeling he wants to bolt for it as soon as it opens. I know he’s slow, but I just have an eerie feeling. 

Me: “Sir, please go to our visitor office. Or call our customer service; here is the number.”

The client finally shuffled to the exit. What he didn’t know is that we have cameras there. He suddenly stood up straight, took big passes to his bike, jumped on top of it, and left the premises. 

A miraculous recovery!

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