Walked In There Like A Boss

, , | Working | June 24, 2017

(My boss, colleague, and I are at a client’s office for a meeting. While waiting at the reception for the customer to escort us in, another man comes up to say hi. Note: My boss has a terrible memory for names and faces.)

Man: “Hi, [Boss]! Here for meeting, eh?”

Boss: “Hi. Hey, you look familiar. Do I know from somewhere?”

Man: *laughs* “Yes.”

(The man walks away, still laughing.)

Colleague: “Uh, [Boss], that guy is the Head of Department. [Client]’s boss.”

Boss: “Oh, is it? Oops.”

(A few minutes later, our client arrives. We are led to a meeting room. A couple of attendees from the client’s company are also there. One of them is Man.)

Man: *to my boss* “Now do you recognise me?”

(My boss never fails to entertain me with his embarrassing gaffes.)

This Just Isn’t Going To Cowork

, , , , | Romantic | June 23, 2017

(I am 17 and my coworker is old enough to be my mother. One day her son, who is a little older than I am, comes to bring her lunch while I’m working. The next day…)

Coworker: “So, [Son] had a lot of questions about you last night.”

Me: “Questions? All I did was let him in the door.”

Coworker: “He thought you were real pretty! Wanted to know if I had your number in my phone.”

Me: “Was he disappointed when you didn’t?”

Coworker: *laughing* “He was. If we didn’t work together I’d be rooting for you, though. I know you’re not crazy like his last girlfriend.”

(The next week her son is in the office again and waggles his eyebrows at me, walking in my direction. Suddenly, my coworker reaches up and grabs his shirt collar.)

Coworker: “[Son], I never thought I’d have to tell you this, but you are not allowed to date MY coworkers!”

Unfiltered Story #90269

, , | Unfiltered | June 23, 2017

(I work in the offices of a factory. The accounting technician who processes the employees’ pay sits next to me. She also manages employees group insurance. We have a worker who was injured outside the job, and had to stop working for a long period. When that happens, the worker can choose to stay insured through the group insurance. However, as we don’t pay him for that period and cannot deduct the premium from his pay, he has to set up a weekly transfer from his bank account to the company’s.)

Technician: You have to go to your financial institution and set up the transfer. I believe you are with [Bank #1], right? If so, you can also do it online, it only takes a few minutes.

Injured worker: That seems complicated. Can you just do it yourself and take money directly from my account?

Technician: Unfortunately, we cannot. The bank doesn’t allow us to do that. They need you to set it up so they have the authorization.

Injured worker: Oh, okay. I’ll do that I guess.

(One hour passes. My technician gets a phone call from the injured worker.)

Injured worker: Hey, I thought about what you said and it just sounds too complicated. I was thinking maybe you could set it up yourself and take money from my account?

Technician: No, I’m sorry, but as I told you earlier I cannot. The bank won’t let me do that. You have to do it by yourself.

Injured worker: But it’s difficult. And I’d have to go to the bank, and my leg hurts.

Technician: There’s no way around it. But you don’t need to go to the bank. You can do it on [Bank website], it’s really simple and it only takes a few minutes.

(The injured worker agrees to set up the transfer himself. One week passes, and the technician notices we still haven’t received payment from him. She contacts him and asks him why.)

Injured worker: I went to my bank, and they said they cannot do that. I think you need to do it.

Technician: (*seriously facepalming at this point) What do you mean? Of course they can do it. That’s what everyone who is out for a long period does. I don’t know what you asked exactly, but never mind. Go on the bank website, and do exactly what I say.

(The technician told him step by step how to set up a transfer, even though it’s really easy. It still took 3 more weeks for the worker to set up the bank transfer.)

The Contrarian Vegetarian

, , , | Working | June 21, 2017

(The office where I started working a few months ago decides to have a corporate BBQ. I’ve been a vegetarian for over a decade and, by now, try to avoid barbecues. Even though it probably would’ve been nice for networking I decide not to go and tick that I can’t attend on the response card. My boss, a rather nice guy, asks me about this.)

Boss: “Hey, I just saw that you can’t attend the BBQ. Is it something with the date?”

Me: “Yeah, I’d really love to come but… well, I don’t eat meat and I really don’t want to inconvenience somebody. Besides I wouldn’t feel comfortable needing some kind of special treatment. However, I’d be happy to attend the next corporate event.”

Boss: “Oh, come on. It can’t be that bad?”

Me: *laughing* “Well, to be honest, from my experience I could come wearing a clown’s costume and only talk Swahili and still only be reluctantly talking about my diet the whole evening… only to be subsequently seen as a ‘missionizing vegetarian.’ It’s fine, though; I just don’t feel comfortable at BBQs. I don’t want anybody to feel like he has to justify why he’s eating meat and I don’t want to justify myself. Sadly, BBQs provoke a massive amount of both.”

Boss: *reassuring* “Nonsense! It will be fine. Just write that you are vegetarian on the response card and I’ll let [Coworker who organizes the food] know. She’ll organize something.”

(I comply and, after a while, even start looking forward to the BBQ. The day rolls around and, when they call for dinner, I start looking around only to find that there’s nothing marked as vegetarian and, in fact, even the salads all have bacon in them. I decide to ask said coworker since I think she might have stored the vegetarian options separately.)

Me: “Hi, [Coworker]. Ehhm, did [Boss] talk to you? I can’t find a vegetarian meal.”

Coworker: *snarky* “He did. And that’s because there’s no vegetarian option. Honestly, I’m sick and tired of you vegetarians always trying to force your beliefs on us normal people! It’s unfriendly and unnatural! You’ll eat meat or leave!”

(The irony was somehow lost on her. I apologized to my boss and left.)

A Signature Death

, , , , | Learning | June 20, 2017

(We are going on a trip in the new couple of weeks, so consent forms have been sent out to our parents for us to return to the school reception.)

Me: *handing form over* “Here you go. Year nine, [Group].”

Receptionist: *taking it* “This is a consent form.”

Me: “Yes. Year nine, [Group].”

Receptionist: “It needs to be completed by your parents and returned to us.”

Me: “I know. They’ve signed it.”

Receptionist: “They need to complete it in case something happens.”

Me: “I know.”

Receptionist: “Like you die.”

Me: “…”

(She hands the form back to me and wanders off. I turn to the other receptionist.)

Me: “Can you?”

Other Receptionist: “Sure… I don’t know about you, but that was really weird.”

Me: “Don’t worry, though. I’ll try not to die at the library.”

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