Unfiltered Story #127528

, , , | Unfiltered | November 19, 2018

(I’m a tour guide on a sightseeing bus tour around London, pointing out the sights and answering any questions passengers may have. At one point on the tour we’re driving through a tunnel…)

Passenger – Is this the tunnel where Princess Diana died?

Me – Well, she died in Paris…

Passenger – Like I said, is this the tunnel where she died?

Me – I really have no idea how to answer that. Except “no”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 82

, , , , | Right | November 18, 2018

(My store got an ATM installed and a sign is put outside advertising this. Unfortunately, it says “FREE CASH HERE” rather than “free cash withdrawal” and we get customers thinking it’s funny to ask for their free cash on a daily basis. But this guy was the worst.)

Customer: “So where is my free cash?”

Coworker: *laughs awkwardly*

Customer: “Why are you laughing? Your sign says free cash. I want it.”

Coworker: “Oh, sorry, I thought you were joking. The sign is about our ATM at the back of the store; it doesn’t charge for withdrawals.”

Customer: “So, if I use it, I get free cash? It won’t take anything from my account?”

Coworker: “No, sir, it will. But you won’t be charged extra just for using it. If you take out £10 your account will be charged £10, instead of £12.50 because of a fee for using the machine.”

Customer: “But the sign says free cash. That’s not free!”

(I’ve been working within earshot and decide to step in even though my coworker didn’t call for me.)

Me: “Is everything okay, sir?”

Customer: “No. You have a sign saying I can get free cash here, but she says it’ll still go out of my account. That’s false advertising.”

Me: “I agree, sir. Unfortunately, we have no control over the machine or the sign; we just house it. Our manager has spoken to the people who provided both about it and they won’t change it.”

Customer: “Well, you should give me something out of your tills.”

Me: “I can’t do that. As I explained, we are not responsible for the ATM or the sign. If you like I can find the name of the company who provided them and you could contact them?”

Customer: “Well, that’s a start. I still think you should give me some free cash, though.”

(He continues trying to pressure my coworker to give him money while I go and get the name and contact number of the company. He snatches it from my hand and storms out. I realise one of our regulars has heard the whole thing and us shaking her head, looking bemused.)

Regular: “Did he genuinely think he was going to get free cash? I thought he was joking at first but now I’m not sure. What company makes money by giving it away?”

(We never saw that guy again, and the sign never changed.)


This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 80
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 79

Detention With Intention

, , , , , | Learning | November 18, 2018

(The school I work for holds its detentions after school by default, with a maximum of one hour per day, depending on the nature of the offence. I am answering the phone.)

Me: “Good morning, [School].”

Caller: “Who should I talk to concerning issues with my son? Is it his tutor?”

Me: *thinking this is going to be a bullying issue* “Depending on the circumstances, the first port of call would either be his tutor or his head of year. May I ask what the problem is, ma’am?”

Caller: “You see, my son was late yesterday, and he could’ve been on time today, and he decided that since he was hungry, so he went to [Fast Food Place] at [Local Station]. What’s more, I found out he has left his PE kit behind, so I want them to know that I demand that he gets an hour’s detention tonight.”

Me: *genuinely surprised* “Not a problem, ma’am; I will pass that on to his head of year.”

(I get so used to parents trying to get kids out of detention that it floors me when someone tells me they want their child to be penalised. I shared this with some teachers and they found it brilliant.)

I’m Calling The Police: No Joke

, , , , , , | Legal Right | November 18, 2018

(I am serving late on a Monday night when who I assume is the friend of the man I am currently serving comes up by the counter and stares me dead in the eyes and without emotion.)

Customer’s Friend: “This is an armed robbery.”

Me: *stunned and internally panicking since this has never happened before*

Customer’s Friend: *long silence*

Me: *still stunned*

Customer’s Friend: “Ha! It’s a joke!”

(Who the h*** thinks that’s a joke is beyond me. I don’t want to be in retail anymore.)

A Significant Degree Of Stupidity

, , , , , | Working | November 17, 2018

I work in a coffee shop in a very student-heavy town. We are known globally for the standard of our students. The coffee shop is attached to a bar, so when the cafe closes, the bar opens, and we often clear the bar area in the mornings.

I get assigned a new coworker who is a student at the local university. On his first day, he has his safety talk and induction. On the second day, I have to remind him that taking a tray out of the 200-degree oven with your bare hands is not a good idea, as it will hurt. This lesson has to be repeated every day until it is decided he isn’t safe near the oven.

On the next week, he and I are on opening duties, so we have to clear the bar area. I take all the dregs and put them in a jug; as I am clearing I put the jug on the side. This brain box decides to try and drink the dregs, is promptly sick, and is sent home.

After this and similar instances of brainlessness, he is let go from the company. Can’t say I miss the walking disaster.

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