(A 5p plastic bag charge has recently come into effect. Since the company I work for has fewer than 250 employees, we don’t have to charge for bags)

Me: “Would you like a bag?”
Customer: “No, I don’t have any change.”
Me: “Oh, you don’t have to pay.”
Customer:” I KNOW YOU HAVE TO PAY!”
(This customer is a semi-regular and is always a little rude, but I’m surprised that she explodes like this, especially over something so minor)
Me: “No, I said you don’t have to pay. They’re free.”
Customer: (quieter, but still in a very rude tone) “Well then, I would have thought you’d have put it in one then”
Me: “Well I offered and you said no.”
(I bag up her stuff and she puts the bag in her handbag, making me wonder why she even felt she needed a plastic bag to begin with)

(In Scotland, we have an alcohol curfew. You can’t buy it after 10:00 pm or before 10:00 am. Most people know, but you still get a few who try their luck, and most of them are downright rude and give us verbal abuse for it. However, this guy pretty much makes up for all of those rude customers. It happens when I’m serving, and my colleague is trying to cash up one of the tills.)

Colleague: “I’m sorry, you can’t buy that wine. It’s after ten o’clock.”

Guy: *obviously drunk* “Aw, come on! I won’t tell anyone. Just one bottle.”

Colleague: “I really, really can’t.”

Guy: “You can! Look, if you put it through the till and then print off the receipt, then you get this pen here and change the time on it to before ten o’clock!”

Colleague: “That won’t work.”

Guy: “All right… How about I take the wine outside and then throw the money into the shop for you? It’d be like I’m stealing it but will give you the money and you won’t get into trouble!”

(My colleague now looks helplessly at me, on the verge of laughter.)

Me: “Sorry. It’s not a [Store] policy; it’s law. We can’t sell it to you or give it to you.”

Guy: “Aw, man. Come on. Just this once?”

Colleague: “I think you’re best off going home.”

Guy: *picks up Sellotape that we keep on the tills* “Can I have this, then?”

Colleague: “I’m afraid we need that.”

Guy: “Hey, have either of you ever seen The Office?”

(Both my colleague and I were now laughing but managed to tell him no, we hadn’t seen “The Office.” It’s worth mentioning that I moved the wine from the till to behind it, so none of this was a distraction so he could pinch it. He made us both promise to watch “The Office,” and said that he would be back in to ask us some questions about it to see if we really had watched it. He tried a few more times to get his drink, which both of us declined. He then asked us if we had to wear our uniforms and if we have a special store T-shirt on underneath our fleeces, and suddenly decided a trolley we use to display reduced items on needed to be put in a better place and tried to move it. All the while, my colleague and I were creasing up. Suddenly, the embarrassment set in; he made us promise that when he came in next time to buy his milk or whatever else that we wouldn’t laugh at him. We did promise, and we kept that promise, though I have to admit it was hard when I saw him for the first time since his drunken visit!)

(I call in at a small, family-run supermarket on the way home from work. It’s a tiny shop with only one till. I am in a long queue; there is a woman being very slow to pay. The girl in front of me, about thirty, is tutting at how long the woman in front of us is taking. She finally reaches the register.)

Customer: “Hello. I need to do this in two separate transactions.” *puts two bottles of drinks down*

Cashier: “Oh, that’s fine.” *scans through the first two items* “£2, please.”

(The girl then spends a good two minutes looking through her handbag for her purse. The queue is growing and hits the back of the shop.)

Customer: *finally hands over £2* “I will need a receipt and a bag.” 

(The girl then gives her second lot of items: a sandwich and cake. She takes the same amount of time to find her debit card as before. She taps her debit card.)

Cashier: “Sorry, your card has been declined.”

Customer: “Yeah, I know; I’ve got no money in that account.”

(I sighed. The cashier looked pained. By this time, three people had abandoned their shopping and left the queue. She finally found a working debit card and paid. I quickly paid and ran to my car. The girl was sat in her car, blocking two cars in, happily eating her sandwich and drinking the drink she purchased in the separate transaction.)

(I am three weeks into my new job. My colleagues have gone on their morning coffee break and I join them when I finish what I’m doing. My boss is sitting at a table with another manager, one of my colleagues, and someone I don’t recognise. I sit down.)

Boss: “Hey, [My Name], this is [New Colleague].” *gestures to the colleague I don’t know* “He just started this morning!”

Me: *pretending to be upset* “But, but does this mean that I’m not the new guy anymore?”

Other Colleague: “Yep, you don’t get to be the new guy anymore!”

Me: *laughing* “Right, so I’m guessing that means I can no longer use ‘I’m the new guy’ as an excuse for not knowing what I am doing?”

Other Manager: “Yes, and it also means that we can start blaming you when things go wrong!” *grins*

I am the customer and have just spent nearly 10 quid (English pounds) on Anniversary cards, paper etc for my parents. Have just paid by debit card when I remember it is Mother’s Day on the day after the anniversary so we go and select a card.

I go back up to the counter (we are the only ones there) and ask if it is okay to pay by card again as I haven’t enough change.

Shop Lady: Just looking at me.

Me: Is that okay to pay by card for this amount?

Shop Lady: Just looks at me…

Me: Is there a minimum I can pay by card? (I am confused by now).

Shop Lady: ‘Oh, I suppose I could leave these people waiting and then glared at me!’

Me: When I looked behind there were two people waiting. I apologised and stood back then thought it would have taken two minutes to do my transaction. I put the card back and walked out. I may have said ‘*uck tha*!

Why have we become so bad at patience?