I’d gone into the store to get some sundry items. No self-checkouts were available, for whatever reason. No biggies — I went to the manned checkout. The operator scanned the item and I tapped my card. The machine told me that the process had not completed correctly, so I tapped again.

Checkout Operator: “Don’t worry; it has gone through.”

She pulled the receipt out and started writing on it.

Me: “Yes, thank you. I don’t—”

Checkout Operator: “See, it’s like a woman.”

Me: “Yes indeed. I don’t need—”

Checkout Operator: “See? It’s temperamental.”

Me: “Ahaha. Thank you, I don’t need my—”

Checkout Operator: “Temperamental. Like a woman, see?”

Me: “Yes, indeed. Hahaha. Thank you very much. I won’t need my receipt.”

Checkout Operator: “Oh, okay. Why don’t—”

Me: “Thank you very much, bye.”

I am sofa shopping. I’m only really in the store to check out how they look in person. I already know the styles I’m interested in and the costs. I have refused assistance twice, but unfortunately, my phone, which has all the names and measurements, is playing up. 

A third sales guy seems to sense this and sneaks up behind me.

Sales Guy: “Can I help?”

I’m still struggling with my phone.

Me: “Actually, maybe. I am looking for a sofa that is no wider than 228 cm, available in grey, and under £800.”

Sales Guy: “Hmm… I’m sure I can help you with that. Did you have a budget in mind?”

Me: “Under £800.”

Sales Guy: “Okay, that’s great. How about this one here?”

He leads me to a sofa that looks massive.

Me: “That looks pretty big. Are you sure it’s under 228?”

He doesn’t answer, so I grab my tape measure.

Me: “No, way too big.”

Sales Guy: “You could always try it and return it if it doesn’t fit.”

Me: “Err, no, I know it’s not going to fit.”

Sales Guy: “Okay, then. How about this one?”

Me: “It’s way over budget.”

Sales Guy: “We offer finance?”

Me: “You know what? I’m okay, actually. I will have to talk to my wife, anyway.”

Sales Guy: “Okay, whenever you’re ready to buy, just ask for me and I can help you further.”

You haven’t helped me at all so far, but okay. We ended up buying online at a different store. Way to screw yourself out of commission.

I’m sitting in the lunchroom waiting to get to the fridge as, apparently, some people don’t know how to queue and push their way past. [Coworker] is taking a long time rummaging through the fridge like she is searching for something. Finally, with a loud, “Aha!” she pulls out a lunch box — my lunch box.

Me: “[Coworker], that’s mine.”

Coworker: “Yeah.”

Me: “I normally like to eat my lunch out of my lunchbox at lunchtime.”

Coworker: “Well, you gave it away yesterday, so you probably don’t want it.”

I’m pretty easygoing, but [Coworker] just gets on my nerves; she’s greedy, lazy, and inconsiderate of others. Lunchtime is a particular annoyance as she loudly stuffs her face throughout, often watching some obnoxious videos loudly on her phone. Most people eat in their cars to get even a little bit of quiet.

Me: “No, you don’t just assume and take other people’s food! What is wrong with you?! Give me my lunch!”

She pulls it out of my reach.

Coworker: “No, what will I eat?”

Me: “You are a grown woman. Act like it!”

At that moment, one of the senior human resources advisors walks in.

HR Advisor: “Is this something I need to be involved in?”

Me: *Sighing* “No, it’s nothing. It’s just—”

Coworker: “Yes! He won’t let me eat my lunch and he called me fat.”

HR Advisor: “Really?”

Me: “No, of course not. It’s my lunch. It has my name on it, for Pete’s sake, and I didn’t call her anything.”

HR Advisor: “Can I suggest you return the food and sort this out? Otherwise, come to my office.”

[Coworker] did give me my lunch, and one of my other coworkers made a complaint on my behalf without me knowing. Apparently, [Coworker] stole my food because her doctor had put her on a diet and I always bring in healthy food. She did agree to stop taking food out of the fridge, but only if I bought in enough for the two of us. I declined that offer, which made me “selfish” according to [Coworker].

I really miss working from home.

It’s not uncommon for there to be cakes in the office due to birthdays, weddings, or just a good sale on at the nearby bakery. All cakes get put in the little kitchen area and are free for anyone to take. It’s a good system and most people treat it fairly.

On my way to work, I pick up a few large boxes of cookies and a couple of tray bakes. I also buy a large box of savory items. I place all the cakes on the kitchen side and write a note, “[My Name]’s birthday,” and leave it there. The savoury stuff goes under my desk as I have plans for it later.

At the morning tea break, I go to grab a cookie to find nothing left. It’s surprising; there should have been enough for everyone. A bit disappointed, I go to the shop and buy something else.

On my way back to my desk, I notice my other box has disappeared, as well. I check everywhere in the kitchen and surrounding desks, and even the trash. It’s gone. 

Coworker #1: “What are you looking for?”

Me: “A box of food. I put it under my desk?”

Coworker #1: “Is it not with not with others?”

Me: “No, that box is being donated. Did you see anyone near here?”

Coworker #1: “No. Oh, wait! Yes. [Coworker #2] was sitting there a while ago, when you weren’t here. Try asking her; she might have seen something.”

I go to her desk.

Me: “Hey, did you see a box underneath my desk? [Coworker #1] said you were over there.”

Coworker #2: “No, sorry. What was it?”

Me: “It was food. I put it aside for later.”

Coworker #2:  “Sorry, I didn’t see your pastries.”

Me: “Wait. I didn’t tell you what was in the box. Did you take it?”

Coworker #2: “What? No, I just assumed.”

Me: “That box is going to a small charity where I live. I want the box back.”

Coworker #2: “I didn’t take it.” *Storms off*

I was annoyed. I talked to my boss, who talked to security. They showed me the CCTV and, [Coworker #2] clearly took the box from my desk. Another camera showed her at her car, putting the box in her boot and stuffing food in her face.

They went to look for [Coworker #2] and took her to recover the box, only to find it not in her boot. Once again, they checked the cameras. It seemed that she went to her car to get the box after I called her out, instead of admitting it. She threw it in the bin!

I did manage to buy a second box in time. It was for a local childcare charity. They have little to no funding and they rely on charity and donations to be able to offer reduced childcare for struggling families

When [Coworker #2] was confronted about what she did, she still refused to apologise or pay me back. When the company had layoffs later that year, she didn’t survive.

It’s the day before my first job interview, and I’m practising the language needed in the kitchen. The script doesn’t use the Latin alphabet, so I’m reading aloud to myself, relatively quietly. Every time my dad walks into the room, he gives me weird looks, and after I call it a day, he says this.

Dad: “You can’t do that when you’re working in an office.”

Me: “What?”

Dad: “The muttering. It won’t fly in such a place.”

Me: “I know. You’ve said before.”

Dad: “You did it anyway. That’s going to get you fired.”

Me: “I’m aware. I don’t read aloud outside the house.”

Dad: “You need to stop so you don’t do it in an office.”

This is not the only time he’s used, “If you were in an office, you wouldn’t do this, or would do that.” Our home is NOT an office.