Honesty Is Always The Best Medicine

, , , | Healthy | December 14, 2017

(I am waiting patiently for a prescription to be filled in a quiet pharmacy.)

Pharmacist: “Found it; here you go!”

Me: *takes bagged item* “Thanks.”

Pharmacist: “No problem, bye!”

Me: “Uhh… I still need to pay for this.”

Pharmacist: “Oh! I’m so sorry. Thank you for your honesty.” *rings up the transaction*

Me: “Well, not that I would anyway, but it would be kind of stupid for me to run off, seeing as you know exactly who I am and where I live.” *gestures to my address printed on the bag*

Pharmacist: “You wouldn’t believe what some people try.”

Needs A Lecture On Lecturing

, , , | Learning | December 14, 2017

(I’ve recently gone back to college to do a business course and they’ve hired a lecturer that used to be a professor at a well-off university. He often gives us vague information and expects us to do the entire class as self-study. A lot of the students are doing the course without any experience or knowledge on the subject and frequently ask him for help.)

Lecturer: “I don’t know why you’re having so many problems; just read [text book #1] and [websites]. It’s not that hard.”

Student#1: “Okay, but that’s a pretty big textbook, and I don’t know what information would be relevant to the tests. I mean, there are several case studies in here; do you expect us to memorize all of them?”

Lecturer: *scoffs* “If you were in [University] you would memorize all of this.”

Student#2: “We’re not in [University]!”

Lecturer: “That’s why you read the texts! Follow that power point I gave you.”

Student #1: “You mean the one that just has keywords listed on each slide with no context, or the one that’s just web links?”

Student #3: “We’re obviously not learning anything like this. Can’t you just run through some stuff with us?”

Lecturer: “I’m used to [University] students, smarter students, ones who go off and do learning independently. Why can’t you do that?”

Student #2: “You are our lecturer; what is the point of you even being here if you won’t lecture?”

(It didn’t get much better after that, and eventually the class complained so much that we got a new teacher who was actually willing to work with us instead of watching us work.)

I’ll Pop A Cap In Your Gas

, , , , , | Right | December 14, 2017

This happens when I am working at a small independent appliance store.

I am on the shop floor when a foreign gentleman comes in enquiring about a new cooker. He has a grant from the local council, from which he can select anything matching the description. For example, he could not get a TV on a grant for cooking appliances.

I ask him what he has in situ, and he is not sure. I take his details, and as he is only a two minute walk from the store, I ask the boss if I can just go down and have a look. He agrees as it is not busy.

He has in place a gas cooker, which, as we do not have the correct certification, we are not allowed to disconnect or reconnect. I explain this to him and offer for us to liase with a gas fitter and arrange for the disconnect and reconnect when we deliver the new one. He declines, saying he can do it.

We get back to the shop and select one that he likes, which fits with what he already has and is within the cost of the grant. A couple of days pass and we receive the new cooker. I call the chap and let him know it’s in. I ask if the old one is disconnected and he says yes. Later that afternoon we go round and it still isn’t disconnected. I explain to him again that because of the certification, we would get in a lot of trouble for touching it, especially as the local housing authority would want to see some kind of certificate, which we cannot provide. I offer again to arrange with one of the gas fitters that we are friendly with to meet up with us and do it. Again, he says no; he will do it.

Another few days pass and the customer calls the shop and says it is ready now. We go to the house and there is a distinct smell of gas. I ask what he has done and he says he has taken the pipe off the old one and blocked the main gas. I have a look, and to my bewilderment, he has stuck a bottle cap into the gas pipe, jamming the valve open, thus leaking gas into the house. I immediately tell him that we will have to leave and call the gas board and fire department. He is refuses, saying we cannot tell him what to do in his own house. I am very concerned at this point, not wanting to get blown up, so all customer service goes out of the window. I shout at the chap telling him that unless he wants to kill us all and blow the house to pieces, we need to get the f*** out and not touch any switches. We all evacuate, and the fire and gas people turn up pretty promptly, closing off the entire road.

In the end the customer got a hefty fine from the fire department, but at least no one was hurt.

At This Rate They’ll Be Paying Double

, , , , , | Right | December 13, 2017

(I work in a hotel in the centre of the city. Sometimes we offer great discounts through the website on quiet days. But you have to prepay, and to change the dates, you have to pay the night’s rate. We have quite a few scammers, this one being the worst:)

Me: “Hello, [Hotel]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I booked a room for a week at your hotel, but I got the wrong dates. I wanted August, but I booked for July.”

Me: “All right. If you can give me the reference, I can look you up.” *he tells me* “So, to confirm, you want [date] to [date]?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “All right. We can change the booking, but you will have to pay the night’s rate.”

Caller: “Hum, not sure about that. How much would it be?”

Me: “£700.”

Caller: “What? How could you charge that much? The website said it’s £350 for the week, and now you want £700 more? You can’t steal money from people like that! I’m going to call your headquarters and tell them what thieves you are!”

Me: *thinking headquarters actually decide the prices* “I’m sorry you feel like this, sir. The quote you were given is an online price, and the discount is available on some dates only. August is very busy, so the rooms are charged full price. We would be willing to offer two complementary breakfast as goodwill, but that’s the best I can’t do.”

Caller: “I don’t care about your breakfast! I want the room at the price on the website, and you should give at least one night for free for the distress you’ve caused!”

Me: “Again, sir, I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. That’s not–“

Caller: “Whatever! You’re useless! I’ll take my business somewhere else! Just refund me!”

Me: “I can’t do that, sir. You chose a non-refundable rate, therefore–“

Caller: “What?! You never said that! That’s false advertising! I’m going to sue you!”

Me: “Actually, the conditions are very clear on the website. You receive a red warning, first when you book, and then when you check out. It clearly says that the booking is non-refundable.”

Caller: “I don’t read signs, and I didn’t even book through your stupid website, anyway.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but the discount you received can only be obtained online.”

Caller: “Are you calling me a liar? I want to speak to your manager now!”

Me: “Unfortunately, she went home for the night.” *that was at about 11:00 pm* “But if you leave your phone number, I’ll make sure she’ll call you in the morning.”

Caller: “It’s [number]. She had better call me, or I’ll sue you!” *hangs up*

Me: “Okay.”

(The next morning I explained what happened to my manager. She called the customer and told him the same thing. He then proceeded to call our headquarters, and again was told the same thing. As a last resort, he posted a bad review on Trip Advisor, where my manager politely told him to read the conditions before agreeing to anything.)

This Geography Will Go Down in History

, , , , | Learning | December 13, 2017

(My class is at the end of our first GCSE year, and we’re receiving the results from a test we took around a month ago. The grades in our school are set out in numbers. An 8 is around the same as an A, a 7 equals a B, etc.)

Teacher: “[Classmate #1], 5. [My Name], 6. [Classmate #2], 7.”

(The teacher pauses and turns to stare at the last student on his list, [Classmate #3.])

Teacher: “[Classmate #3], you got an 8, the highest mark in the class.”

Classmate #3: “Yes!” *leans over to high five his friends*

Teacher: “However…” *holds up the test* “You filled in a geography test, not a history one.”

(The entire class starts laughing while [Classmate #3] goes bright red.)

Teacher: “It’s an excellent score, but how did you not realise you were taking a test for the wrong subject?!”

(Classmate #3 still hasn’t lived it down.)

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