A customer came up to me asking about a burger that was meant to have two patties on.

Customer: I bought this burger and it was meant to have two beef burgers on, not one.

Me: Okay, do you have the reciept and the burger? I can quickly replace it for you

Customer: Oh I don’t want it replacing, I’ve already eaten it. I want a refund.

(I go to my supervisor who says I’m not allowed to refund it because there is no proof that the burger was wrong.)

Me: I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to give you a refund for the burger because you have already eaten it, if you hadn’t we’d have been able to sort it.

Customer: You’re bascially saying I have no proof? (Yelling) What is your name? I need to know it because I’m going to call head office. I want to write a complaint.

Supervisor: What’s up?

(Same conversation as I hide in the cupboard)

Customer: Thanks mate!!

Me:…..how?

Supervisor: Ice cream. He wanted ice cream.

Two customers are waiting at my till a young man and an old lady. The man puts stew beef and vegetables on the till.

Old lady: I bet I know what you’re getting up to tonight.

Young man goes red and I don’t realise why until he puts a bumper pack of condoms on the till, the old lady went very red and apologised but luckily the man laughed and the three of us all had a bit of a giggle

(I work at a coffee shop that is inside a store. I’m also a full-time student, so I only work part time. This story takes place just after I have finished college for summer.)

Me: “Hi there. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Two lattes, please.”

Me: “No problem. Coming right up.”

(I proceed to make her coffees and set them on a tray for her. While making the coffees, we have been talking away to each other, and she seems to be a nice customer.)

Customer: “What are these?”

Me: “Those are your coffees; two lattes, right?”

Customer: “Yes, but I wanted them to go.”

(This happens all the time — customers not saying they’re taking them out but expecting us to know.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I mustn’t have heard you. I’ll just pour them into takeaway cups.”

(While I’m pouring the first one into the takeaway cup…)

Customer: “They look smaller than usual; are you sure those are large?”

Me: “Large? Sorry, these are just regular. Again, I mustn’t have heard you say large.”

(I steam more milk to add to the lattes I already made to make them large.)

Customer: “I’m in quite often; I assumed you would remember.”

(I have been working at this coffee shop for over two years and do remember a good few regular customers and their orders, but I know that I’ve never served her before.)

Me: “I do apologize; my brain must be working slower than usual today.”

Customer: “That’s all right. You teenagers stay up way too late and are always tired the next day.”

Me: “That must be it.”

Customer: “Now, which one had the hazelnut syrup in it?”

Me: “…”

(It turned out she was an employee in the store that the coffee shop is a part of, and started about three months ago. She worked during the week, and since I was only working weekends at that point, I had never served her. Moral of the story: just because you’re a regular customer, you shouldn’t expect every employee to remember what your order is.)

(It’s a quiet evening and I am the only staff member on the shop floor. I am a 19-year-old female. Two middle-aged male customers walk into the store. They browse for a bit and then bring a DVD and some snacks to the counter.)

Me: “Good evening. How are you both?”

Customer: “Hi. Just these, please.”

(The customer places the items on the desk, and I ring them through while making general conversation. The transaction goes normally, until this…)

Customer: “So, did it hurt when you got your nipples pierced?”

Me: “Um…”

(I have my nose, ears, and navel pierced, but no other piercings, so I am not sure how to reply to this.)

Customer: “Oh, my God… Nose! I meant, did it hurt when you got your nose pierced?!”

Me: *relieved and trying not to laugh* “Oh! Yes, it did a little, but it wasn’t too bad.”

(I finish the transaction, somehow managing not to dissolve into laughter, and the customers leave the store. At this point, I can no longer keep it in, and burst into laughter, just as my supervisor walks onto the shop floor. I explain to him what just took place.)

Supervisor: “He was probably just trying his hardest not to stare at your chest, and that ended up being a Freudian slip!”

(I’ve just finished a very long shift at the convenience store I work at and forgot to pick up some bits before we closed. I go to a supermarket where their uniforms are similar to ours — green and black. I’m reading a label on some cat food down an aisle that is in view of the tills. However, my back is to the tills; my store’s logo is printed across the back of my jacket.)

Customer: “EXCUSE ME! I have been waiting at this till for ten minutes!”

Me: “Oh, I think there’s someone down the next aisle…”

Customer: “What?! How dare you?! I’m going to get you fired for this! I’ve been waiting and waiting; you need to come serve me now or your manager will hear about this!”

Me: “I don’t work here, you idiot.”

Customer: *literally screaming at this point* “HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT! WHERE’S YOUR MANAGER NOW?!”

(The employee down the next aisle is now trying to come to my aid, but the customer won’t listen.)

Me: “Probably at home, considering we finished twenty minutes ago! I don’t work here; look!” *turns so she can see my back* “I work at [My Store] and you’re in [This Store]! I have just done a ten-hour shift dealing with idiots like you. I am tired and hungry, so don’t start shouting at me because you’re a dumba** who can’t read the back of a jacket!”

(I stormed off after that to continue with my shopping. When I got to the till, the employee told me that the lady had demanded to see the manager, told him what happened, and demanded I was fired. The manager felt so sorry for me he told the employee to let me pick out a chocolate bar for free.)