(I work in a shoe store. The stock room has 2 entrances. One halfway through the store by the adults section and one at the back of the store at the kids section. The store is relatively small and open plan so you can see pretty much everything we sell from the entrance. I have just gone through the kids stock entrance and am chatting to a coworker while looking for a shoe when a woman appears at the stock room door.)

Me: “Hi?”

Woman: “I was wondering if you sold travel socks. I didn’t see any out there.”

Me: “No, we’ve never sold socks of any kind.”

Woman: “Okay, thanks.” (Wanders out of the stock room and the store.)

Me: (Turning to my coworker.) “Did I just imagine that?”

Coworker: “Nope. Wonder if she spotted the multiple clothing stores we’re next to.”

Caller: Hi, I was wondering if you could give me directions to your shop?
Me: Sure *gives detailed directions*
Caller: Okay and can you tell me about the helmets you have in stock?
Me: Sure. We’ve got a whole range. What sort of riding are you doing? *I carry on talking to him about helmets for about 5 minutes*
Caller: Can you just hang on a minute?
Me: Sure.
*I can hear him breathing heavily and some scuffling sounds in the backgroung*
Caller: Oh yeah. That felt really good. Do you want to know what I was doing?
Me: No thank you! Goodbye!
*hangs up as fast as I can*

At the start of my final year of high school, the school makes us all undertake a week of work experience. As I want to study law at university, I go to a local criminal solicitors’ firm. On my last day, one of the solicitors suggests I might be interested in going to a sentencing with him. On the way to the court, he tells me the client’s name and that they’re being sentenced for mugging someone. He parks the car, and we get out and start to head up the steps outside the court.

Solicitor: “Ah, that’s the family on the steps. Come on, we’d better go say hello. It’s polite and, you know, we’ll have to lend a bit of emotional support. I’ll also check they’re okay with you shadowing.”

Me: “Got it.”

I obediently follow him to a huddled group. As we approach, they fan out and say hello. I glance at them and then frown because one woman seems weirdly familiar. The woman is staring at me, as well.

Solicitor: “Hi, all. I just thought I’d come over and–”

Woman: “Don’t you go to my school?”

Everyone pauses and looks at me.

Me: *Very meekly* “Hi, Mrs. [Woman].”

It turned out that the client was the nephew of a teacher at my school. I hadn’t had any classes with her, so the surname hadn’t really rung a bell. Her family was incredibly lovely about me being there, saying it was at least nice that one of the teacher’s students could get some good out of it, but the teacher didn’t come into the courtroom — I think because I was there. For the remainder of the year, whenever we passed each other in the corridor, we couldn’t quite look each other in the eye.

I’m supervising the checkouts in my supermarket. There is a section of about eight to ten checkouts where the customers can scan, pack, and pay for their items themselves.

It’s a busy day and all the regular checkouts have fairly large queues. I can see one gentleman getting frustrated and he decides to enter the self-service checkouts.

The checkouts have a weighing mechanism built into them so that the shopping you have in your basket at the beginning matches the weight of your bags at the end.

This customer keeps placing items on the floor and the automated checkout keeps telling him to place the shopping in his bag… It’s not rocket science! 

One of my checkout girls who supervises the self-service checkouts explains the process to the customer and he huffs and puffs and mumbles under his breath. This goes on for about five minutes and he is really getting angry!

Finally, he scans his last item and tries to scan his coupons to get money off some of the items he purchased. Again he fails miserably and really begins shouting at my member of staff, who is fairly new and very timid but polite and very good at her job. He is getting quite aggressive and is making personal remarks about the lack of service the assistant is providing.

I am just about to step in, but she waves me away and gestures that she is okay and is handling the situation. 

Finally, the customer pays with his card, turns, and shouts at the checkout girl again and exits the store.

She looks at me and smiles and points down to the bagging area and we both start laughing; Mr. Grumpy Pants paid for his shopping and left it all behind!

He never came back for his shopping!

We were catching up with some friends for a chat. Being a gracious host, I offered them a drink. She wanted coffee and he wanted tea.

While the teabag was steeping in the cup, I asked, “Are you a two-, three- or four-minute man?”

I’ve no idea why his wife was laughing so hard.