The Land Of The Free To Moan

, , , , , , | | Right | July 4, 2019

(I am working on the 4th of July while I am in high school. I volunteer to work this shift since I know there won’t be anyone in and because I have no plans. The only people in the entire store are a manager, a custodian, one employee for all the specialty sections (bakery, deli, etc.), and me.)

Me: “Hello, and welcome to [Grocery Store].”

Customer: “You must be a Democrat, not celebrating the birth of our nation; how dare you!”

(Store policy says to not get involved in confrontations.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. But the store must stay open to help all our customers.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve got a party to get to so let’s hurry this up.”

(I finish up scanning her items and I’m bagging them myself, so it’s going a bit slow.)

Customer: “Can’t you call anyone over to help? This is taking too long!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s a holiday, everyone wanted to be with their families, and I’m the only one working the registers today.”

Customer: “This is terrible service! You should have made other workers come in today!”

Politics Is Getting More Childish

, , , , | | Working | July 1, 2019

(It is during the 2016 presidential election. I work in the office of a small trucking business. All of the office work is handled by me and an older lady with whom I get along quite well. One day, one of the truckers comes into the house to talk to her and gets on the subject of politics. It’s clear they’re both conservative Republicans; I’m a very liberal Democrat, so I keep my head down and don’t get involved.)

Trucker: “So, are you voting for Trump?”

Older Lady: “No, he’s awful!”

Trucker: “What, so you’re voting for Hillary?

Older Lady: “No! But Trump isn’t any better.”

(They get into a heated argument about Trump, with him trying to convince her to vote for Trump. She stands her ground and eventually, he leaves. A few minutes later, I come over with some documents for her.)

Older Lady: *flustered* “Oh, I’m sorry, dear. I really hope I didn’t offend you. I don’t mean to offend anyone, I just–“

Me: “Oh, don’t worry; I hate Trump, too. I don’t like Hillary, either, but Trump acts like a four-year-old child, and I don’t want a four-year-old child for president.”

Older Lady: *gasps* “Oh! That’s good! I should’ve said that!”

So That’s Where It Went Wrong…

, , , , , | | Right | June 28, 2019

(This is right after the 2016 US elections. An elderly man comes into the store. He’s got that urgent look on his face people usually reserve for when they’re trying to overnight tax paperwork to their accountants.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Elderly Man: “I need to send a telegram.”

Me: “Do you mean a fax?”

Elderly Man: “No.”

Me: “An email?”

Elderly Man: “No.”

Me: “Are you trying to send money?”

Elderly Man: “No. I want you to get on the wire and send this message!” *holds up a legal pad with handwriting on it*

Me: “Sorry, sir. They don’t really… do that anymore. If you have an address, I can send it for you.”

Elderly Man: “But how do I make sure only the recipient gets it?”

Me: “I can send it Certified Mail with a Restricted Delivery. You just need the address.”

Elderly Man: “Okay.” *goes out to his car*

(He’s back about an hour later with an envelope in hand.)

Elderly Man: “I need to send this that way you were talking about so only this man gets it.”

(I took the envelope from him. It was addressed to Donald Trump, Fox News, Tampa, Florida. I then had to explain to him how addresses work. He didn’t seem to understand, but he let me know that he had a great idea that was going to solve a major social issue and he needed to send this message. Sorry, everyone. I’m apparently directly responsible for the lack of a resolution to the current [social issue] crisis.)

Believe Me; Soon We’ll Be Able To Ship Stuff To Arrive Yesterday!

, , , , , | | Right | June 26, 2019

(This is right after the 2016 elections:)

Customer: “I need to overnight this to [City in South Florida].”

Me: “All right, anything hazardous, liquid, toxic, or perishable?”

Customer: “It’s liquid.”

Me: “All right, what kind?”

Customer: “Why do you need to know?”

Me: “Because there are some liquids that can’t go overnight because they aren’t safe in the pressurized hold of an airplane.”

Customer: “This won’t go on an airplane. It’s only going four hours away.”

Me: “Actually, [City in south Florida] is outside the distribution area for [Local Terminal], so this item with be flown out tonight to [Central Hub] where it will be sorted with other packages meant for [Destination Terminal] and flown back in tonight.”

Customer: “That’s stupid! Trump is gonna fix that!”

Me: “Trump is going to change [Major Global Shipping Company]’s entire business model and stop them from using central distribution?”

Customer: “Yeah. It’s stupid.”

Me: *dead inside* “Okay. I still need to know what kind of liquid it is.”

(It was alcohol. We’re not licensed to ship alcohol. When he asked why, I wish I’d been smart enough to tell him that Trump hasn’t fixed us yet.)

The World’s Oldest Profession Is Actually Teaching

, , , , , , | | Learning | June 9, 2019

(We are in school discussing current events, specifically the fact that our state’s governor resigned earlier today.)

Teacher: “Did everyone hear what happened to [Governor]?”

Student #1: “He resigned.”

Teacher: “Does anyone know why?”

Student #2: “He was involved in a prostitution scandal.”

Teacher: “Correct.”

Student #3: “Wait? He was a prostitute?”

(No, silly, he was the client.)

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