This Conversation Has Hit A Wall

, , , | Right | February 13, 2019

(It’s the day after Donald Trump has won the presidential election. I am working the drive-thru at my former job as a cashier for a popular fast food chain. A woman orders a Diet Coke and drives up to the window.)

Me: *taking her credit card* “Hello! How are you?”

Customer: “How am I?! Donald Trump is president! I’m a Democrat. That’s how I am.”

Me: *stunned, handing her back her card and drink after I swipe* “Okay! Have a great day, ma’am!”

Customer: *rolls her eyes and speeds off*

Me: *to coworker* “Did you hear me ask her political views?”

Obama Drama, Part 6

, , , , , | Working | January 31, 2019

(I work in a major retail chain. One night, we get an unusual truck delivery. Our manager is waiting by the dock with us as we get ready to unload it.)

Manager: *sigh* “All right, everyone. This is going to seem crazy, but I’ve confirmed with the home office that the delivery inside is definitely intended to be ours just the way it is, so just go with it.”

Coworker: “Wait. What the heck is inside?”

Manager: “You’ll see.”

(Shortly after, the truck driver opens the door to reveal an absolutely absurd amount of tangerines. My coworkers and I alternate between staring at the tangerines in amazement and each other in shock and confusion.)

Coworker: “There’s no way this is right. I get that we’re a busy supercenter and all, but there’s no way even we can sell all these oranges before a whole bunch goes bad.”

Manager: “Yep, that’s how I feel, but apparently someone higher up than me disagrees.”

Me: *as I’m sliding my pallet jack under the first pallet* “What reason could there possibly be to make this seem like a good idea?”

Driver: “You want to know what these oranges are for? This is all about that Obamacare!”

(Suddenly, everyone stops what they’re doing to process what the driver has said.)

Manager: “What… What does that have to do with oranges? No, actually, what does that have to do with anything right now?”

Driver: “That’s Obamacare for you; it doesn’t make any sense!”

(We quickly gave up trying to figure out what the driver was talking about. For the next week, all our nightly meetings included a manager urging us all to get a bag of tangerines on the way home. Once the story of the delivery had spread, we would all say goodbye to each other with, “Don’t forget your Obamacare oranges!”)

Related:
Obama Drama, Part 5
Obama Drama, Part 4
Obama Drama, Part 3

Oh, Crimea River

, , , , | Working | January 18, 2019

(My husband and I are visiting an ear-nose-throat doctor for the first time because we’re having allergy problems after moving to a new area. For convenience’s sake, we’ve scheduled ourselves back-to-back and we go in together. I have kept my own last name. It is now the end of our appointments.)

Doctor: “[Last Name]… What nationality is that?”

Me: “It’s Ukrainian.”

Doctor: “Oh, man, you Ukrainians are having a rough time, huh?”

Me: “Oh, yeah, I suppose. But really I’m American.”

Doctor: “So full of strife for so long!”

Me: “Um, yeah, well, we’ve been in America for a very long time — at least three generations, probably longer. I’m really not sure.”

Doctor: “You poor Ukrainians. Tell you what; I’ll only charge you for one appointment today.”

(It was super awkward but hey, free money.)

Trying To Reason With Them Is Very Taxing

, , , , , , | Friendly | January 6, 2019

(A coworker and I are on the bus home. This coworker is American and holds some political views that are very unusual in the EU. We are talking about tax in Britain which he considers to be too high.)

Me: “But you get quite a lot in return for it. The NHS for example.”

Coworker: “I just don’t believe in taxes.”

Me: “I get that you think they are too high, but you have to believe in some level of taxation.”

Coworker: “No, I don’t believe in any taxes at all.”

Me: “Didn’t you used to work for the army?”

(Another passenger sitting nearby starts sniggering.)

Coworker: “Well, I believe in taxes for defence, but not for anything else!”

Me: “Did you go to a public school?”

Coworker: “Yes, but…”

Me: “Do you drive on public roads?”

Coworker: “If there were no taxes people would set these things up for themselves.”

(Who knew Republicans are apparently anarchists?)

This Transaction Is Bombing

, , , , | Right | December 12, 2018

(I’m waiting for my pizza at a pizza place where you pick your toppings and they assemble it in front of you. It’s about a half hour until closing, so the place is pretty empty. A man walks in and goes up to the counter. He’s acting very agitated, has red puffy eyes, and keeps sniffling and scratching his nose.)

Employee: “What can I get started for you?”

Customer: “A medium pizza. Can I ask you a few questions? I’m doing a survey. It’s just two questions, really.”

Employee: “Uh, sure. And what kind of sauce?”

Customer: “Are you a registered voter?”

Employee: “Yes.”

Customer: “And do you know how many countries the US is bombing right now?”

Employee: “No, I don’t. What kind of cheese?”

Customer: “It’s seven! And you’re part of the 80% of registered voters who don’t care to know that. No one cares anymore! See you later, morons!”

(It’s unclear why he added that last sentence since he’s in the middle of the pizza assembly line and isn’t leaving.)

Employee: “Right, um, what kind of meat?”

(The customer wipes his nose messily all over his hand, front and back, and then reaches over the glass barrier to point out the meats he wants.)

Employee: “Sir, please don’t reach over the barrier. The names are printed right under each meat so you can tell me what you want.”

(I miss a bit of the conversation because my pizza is ready, but it sounds like he’s still ranting. As I’m grabbing napkins, I hear some more.)

Customer: “Where are the sun-dried tomatoes?”

Employee: “We stopped carrying them because they had some preservatives—”

Customer: *cutting him off loudly* “You little s***s! You told me you had them! That’s why I came here!”

(I didn’t hear anymore because I left, but I really don’t envy the employee who had to deal with him.)

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