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The Vote Being Rewrote Is Remote

, , , , , | Right | June 15, 2022

I am a volunteer, campaigning for a political party near a busy market.

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. Do you know who you’re voting for?”

Woman: “Of course! [Political Party]! Why, who are you voting for?!”

Me: “Well, I am campaigning for [Other Political Party]. May I ask why you’re making that vote?”

Woman: “I don’t like the other guy. He wants to help too many people.”

Me: “Helping people is bad?”

Woman: “I don’t vote to help people! They never did anything for me!”

Me: “Don’t you think that sounds a bit selfish?”

Woman: “You, too? Why does everyone keep asking me that?!”

Gotta Admit, The Kid’s Done His Homework

, , , , | Learning | June 13, 2022

Back when I was in high school, there was one kid who sat next to me in homeroom and always had his nose in a book. One of his peculiarities was that he refused to stand to say the Pledge of Allegiance at the start of school; he would just continue reading through it. All of us had long since gotten used to this.

One day, we had a substitute filling in who was not used to this and clearly didn’t approve.

Substitute: “Stand up.”

Student: “No, thank you.”

Substitute: “You need to—”

It was at about this time that we finished the Pledge. The substitute sort of trailed off as he apparently realized ordering someone to say the Pledge now that the Pledge was already over was kind of pointless. He waited until the rest of the announcements were over before returning to ask the student why he didn’t say the Pledge.

Me: “He never says the Pledge.”

Substitute: “Why not?”

Student: “I don’t approve of it, it’s a waste of time, and I’d rather read my book.”

Substitute: “It’s not a waste of time. It’s how you show your patriotism.”

Student: “I like our country, but I’m not swearing blind obedience to it. If tomorrow, Hitler Jr. becomes president and starts rounding people up, I’d have no qualms about saying it no longer deserved my support.”

Substitute: “That isn’t what the Pledge says!’

Student: “Regardless, it’s a waste of time with an uncomfortable association with McCarthyism. It’s not like anyone was going to betray America but decided not to because they suddenly remembered they were forced to say some rote pledge in elementary school. And I don’t care what the courts say; forcing someone to say, ‘under God,’ is a clear violation of the first amendment.”

Substitute: “Well, you can explain that all to the principal, then.”

Student: “I’d be happy to, but if that was a threat of punishment, I should point out that the Supreme Court has already ruled that I have the first amendment right to not say the Pledge. Are you going to show your patriotism by trying to violate the most sacred tenet afforded to me by the country you claim to love?”

The substitute seemed taken aback by that. He was saved from trying to figure out a response to that by the bell signaling that it was time to head to our first period.

We never saw that substitute again, which is a shame. Apparently, the student had been rehearsing his own parody pledge to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, which he planned to say if that substitute, or anyone else, tried to compel him to take part in the Pledge of Allegiance again. I’d really have loved to see that.

Not Quite A Vote Of Confidence

, , , , | Right | June 9, 2022

During national elections, I, a radio reporter, visit a municipality widely known to have a pretty consistent voting trend.

Me: “Excuse me, miss, have you already voted today?”

Voter: “Of course, I have! I’m doing my part.”

Me: “Great! May I ask what party you’ve voted for?”

In our country, we have tens of parties to choose from, with viewpoints all over the chart.

Voter: “Wow, are you even allowed to ask that?”

Me: “Oh, sure, I am! It’s not forbidden or anything. You are, of course, under no obligation to answer, rest assured. But one may ask, and the other may answer.”

Voter: “Oh, really? Wow, well, I still find it a bit of a taboo to go public with one’s voting preference. I guess I’d rather not say.”

Me: “I understand, no problem at all. Did you hear that [Right-Wing Party] currently has the majority of votes in [This City]?”

Voter: “Well, I bloody well hope so!”

At Least He’s In A Museum?

, , , , , , | Right | May 22, 2022

I am giving a tour to a small group at a history museum, specifically military history. I am explaining a few interesting facts about the Revolutionary War when one of the guests says:

Guest: “Woohoo! U…S…A! Victory!”

Me: “Haha, yes, sir. The Revolutionary War did end in a victory for the USA.”

Guest: “Like they all do!”

Me: “Well… that’s not entirely true.”

Guest: “Nuh-uh! America wins every war it’s in!”

Me: “Sir, I recommend you visit the south pavilion after this tour. You might find what it says about the Vietnam War very enlightening.”

Guest: “Woohoo! Another victory!”

Other Guest: *Having had enough* “Dude… who’s in charge in Afghanistan right now?!”

Don’t You Wish Some People Wouldn’t Choose To Remain?

, , , , | Working | May 18, 2022

In 2016, I was employed in a manufacturer’s warehouse in England. In 2016, the UK was to decide if it wanted to remain a member of the European Union or not. In the run-up to this vote, [Employee] had so much to say about the benefits of leaving. This story begins about two weeks prior to the vote.

Employee: “All I’m saying is when we leave the EU, we will have them begging us at Dover for a better deal! You know it makes sense!”

Me: “Well, I don’t know. I’d like to be more informed first on how we are actually going to benefit from being outside of the EU.”

Employee: “Yeah, yeah, typical Remainer logic. Where’s your sense of patriotic pride? Where’s your faith?”

Me: “It’s not about faith. Just, if you don’t plan ahead to fuel your car to get to work, faith alone isn’t going to make it move.”

Employee: “Pffft, whatever…”

[Employee] has been doing this to nearly all the staff who have Remain concerns. It’s really, really irritating. A lot of complaints have gone to our managers who asked him to stop but also addressed a lot of concerns about the vote to their employees. I should note that a large majority of our staff comes from Eastern Europe, and since we export to the EU, the managers would prefer us to Remain; otherwise, the plant would most likely shut down. [Employee], however, has “defiantly” expressed that his freedom and sovereignty mean more to him than his job. Bear in mind also that [Employee] is by no means a senior employee and holds no managerial responsibility, and because of his recent behaviour, a lot of the staff avoid him like the plague.

So… along comes the vote and the UK votes to Leave. Understandably, the foreign staff is very concerned about losing their jobs. [Employee] however, for a solid week, comes in with a s***-eating grin, totally oblivious to the plant’s mood. He makes a beeline for me.

Employee: “Remember when you said that we would never Leave?”

Me: “No? Because I never said that.”

Employee: “Well, you said something to that effect. I bet you feel really silly now, don’t you?”

For that entire week, he takes enormous pleasure in gloating about it to everybody. He couldn’t care less that the majority of the staff are upset at the decision. A week later, however, the district manager arrives for a meeting.

District Manager: “Right, so I’m sure you are all aware of the Referendum result. I’m now going to be here for four days in which I will one-to-one with all of you and work out a compromise for the plant. Please come and see me before Friday.”

As it turns out, the one-to-one meetings were to help all the staff adjust to what ultimately was going to be a shutdown of the plant, as the amount of red tape and the myriad of legislation meant that the plant would have operated at a loss from then on. The staff was transferred to other locations in or outside the UK, but the meetings ensured that only four people would be made redundant, and that was only because they didn’t bother to turn up. If you guessed that [Employee] didn’t turn up because — and I quote — he could just find new work that the foreigners didn’t want to do, you would be right. But, who’d have thought that working on an immigrant’s wages for sixteen hours a day suddenly didn’t seem so lucrative after all to [Employee]? Last I heard, he was on Universal Credit payments which had been cut off as he refused a job in a hotel as he deemed the work “beneath him”.