Please Show Them Out Via The Nearest Brexit

, , , | Right | January 2, 2018

(This happens shortly after the EU Referendum in the UK:)

Customer: “Could I have the non-European menu, please?”

Me: “The non-European menu?”

Customer: “Yes. The menu you give to non-Europeans.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t have a menu like that.”

Customer: “Well, you should. We won’t be in Europe anymore in two years. Get on it!”

Me: “Well, the UK will still be in Europe; it just won’t be part of the EU.”

Customer: *laughs with her friend* “Oh, you poor millennial. No wonder you all voted to stay. You’re as thick as two short planks, I swear.”

Me: “Actually I couldn’t vote.”

Customer: “Why ever not?”

Me: “I’m Norwegian.”

(I’ve never seen someone get up and leave as quickly as she did. She screamed about how the restaurant was “for the dogs,” and that we’d all be deported. Her friend stayed behind, continuing to laugh.)

Friend: “Thanks for that. She’s been getting on my nerves for weeks. I needed a good laugh!”

Building A Wall Between Them And Common Sense

, , , | Healthy | December 28, 2017

(I work for an insurance nurse-line helping people with injury and illness questions. We are required by HIPAA to fully verify a member before discussing any specific issues or giving specific information on their health plan. There have been a number of people who object to HIPAA law, but this one takes the cake. The member in question doesn’t have her ID card on her and doesn’t want to use alternative methods to verify who she is.)

Member: “But I didn’t know I’d need to identify myself. Why can’t you just give me the information I need?”

Me: “Federal privacy law, called HIPAA, does not allow us to discuss or give out information to unauthorized people.”

Member: “But that’s a dumb law and President Trump doesn’t allow dumb laws, so you need to give me the information I asked for!”

The “T” In LBTQA Stands For “Texan”

, , , , , , | Learning | November 17, 2017

(Our class is doing presentations on news articles and how they impact us as global citizens. A girl in our class does a presentation about the Texas Transgender Bathroom Bill. When talking about how it impacts her as a global citizen, she says:)

Student #1: “This impacts me as a global citizen because it affects the LGBT community and their rights. It is important that others know about this bill and how it could impact others. It’s also important to me because I am a part of the community in this article, and I want to prevent my rights from being taken away.”

(It’s an incredibly powerful moment and it is very well-received by the class. As she goes to sit down, a student behind her taps her on the shoulder.)

Student #2: “Wow, [Student #1], I didn’t know you were from Texas.”

(Apparently, [Student #2] got confused about which community she said she was a part of.)

Why Not? You Blame Him For Everything Else

, , , , , | Right | October 26, 2017

(After opening an account for a customer, I realize that I am missing some information. Banking regulations require us to get the account holder’s job title, or in this customer’s situation, a previous job title, as he is retired.)

Me: *on the phone* “Sir, I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m going to need your job title from before you retired.”

Customer: “Both my wife and I worked at [National Scientific Lab].”

Me: “Yes, sir, but I will also need to get your job title, as well.”

Customer: “Is this because of Obama?!”

Me: “No, sir, these are just banking regulations. I am required to get this information.”

Customer: “Why, though?!”

Me: “That’s just what is required of me. I’m sorry if it causes any inconveniences.”

Customer: “Are you sure Obama isn’t making you do this?”

Me: “Yes, sir. As far as I know, I’ve never talked to the President about banking regulations.”

Fake News Has Two Sides

, , , , , | Friendly | October 18, 2017

(I work for a national news network known for taking a more conservative stance on political issues. I’m riding the Metro home from work the day after President Trump’s inauguration, and am caught in all the “Women’s March” traffic. It’s so packed that I’m literally up against a wall with other people. They’re all very friendly and everyone is having a good time. At one stop, two seats open up behind me.)

Lady: *from the march* “You go ahead and take that seat.”

Me: “Oh, it’s okay; I’ve been sitting at work all day.”

Lady: “Oh, what do you do?”

Me: “I’m a news producer.” *at this point, I’m a little nervous to tell her where I work*

Lady: “At what outlet?”

Me: “Uhh… Don’t make me answer that.”

Lady: *in shock* “But you’re so nice!”

(Didn’t know I had to be a jerk to work at my news agency. Oh, well.)

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