This Name Survived The Third Reich

, , , , , , | Related | January 15, 2020

(I’m at my boyfriend’s house for dinner. I am meeting his parents and his siblings for the first time. I also have an unusual name.)

Boyfriend’s Sister: “So, what’s with your name?”

Me: “It’s a name.”

Boyfriend’s Sister: “Yeah, a stupid name.”

Boyfriend: *laughs nervously*

Boyfriend’s Mother: “[Boyfriend’s Sister]! [My Name] is a guest!”

Boyfriend’s Sister: “With a stupid name.” *looks at me smugly*

Me: “Actually, I was named after my great-grandma, who was in a concentration camp in the forties. She survived, but she later died from lung problems brought on by the terrible air in the camp.”

All: *silent*

Boyfriend: “Guys, I told you not to make fun of her name. I told you there was a reason for it. Now you’ve made yourselves look like jerks. Come on, [My Name], I’ll take you to [Fast Food Place]. You like the chicken nuggets, right? 

(Later on in the week, I got an apology letter from my boyfriend’s sister and it was signed by his parents, as well. Apparently, the girl got into a heap of trouble for making fun of my name.)

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They Vow To Keep Consistent

, , , , | Romantic | December 7, 2019

(I work front desk at a downtown hotel in one of the larger college towns in the American Midwest. Our little 147-room property has seen it all: managers getting fired, wedding parties that were literal trash, and even the bridal and in-law versions of Godzilla incarnate. But it’s not often we see humor from the grooms. A small wedding party is in with us, consisting of the bride and groom. This morning, the bride comes up to the desk.)

Bride: “Hi! Have you got a pen and a piece of paper?”

Me: “We sure do! How much do you need?”

Bride: “Just one piece. I’m getting married today and forgot my vows.”

Me: *pulling out a pen and a sheet of paper* “Congratulations! Here you go!”

Bride: “Thanks!”

(The bride wanders off and writes her wedding vows. I think nothing more of it until I see a haggard-looking man come up to the desk, Coors in hand.)

Guy: “Hey, have you got a pen and a sheet of paper?”

Me: “We sure do. Let me guess, vows?”

Guy: *with a sly smile* “Yeah. I forgot ’em; haven’t got a clue what to say.”

Me: *giggles* “Good thing you remembered them! Just write from the heart, man! Here’s the stuff.”

Guy: “Thanks!”

(The Coors guy walks off and again, I don’t think anything of it. That is, until about ten minutes later, when he comes back up to the desk.)

Guy: “Thanks.”

Me: “Get it all written out?”

Guy: “Well, something like that. I figure I’ll just half-a** it and make it up as I go.”

Me: *as I try to keep from laughing* “Oh… well, good luck.”

(I told my manager about it and he laughed. One can only wonder how that marriage will go, but to the happy bride and groom, they seemed eager. Fingers crossed!)

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You Laced It With Laziness

, , , | Romantic | December 5, 2019

(I’m folding laundry.)

Me: “Hey, this would make a great Halloween bra!”

Girlfriend: “Huh? Because it’s black?”

Me: “Well, yeah, but it’s also got this cool spiderweb design.” *gestures to the sides of the bra*

Girlfriend: “Oh… that’s not a spiderweb design.”

Me: “Huh?”

Girlfriend: “That’s just what happens when I’m too lazy to use a delicates bag… It used to be lace.”

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Hit The Motherlode

, , , , , , | Friendly Romantic | November 15, 2019

(I’m in my apartment with my girlfriend playing a medieval MMO. She’s on her laptop out in the kitchen, while I’m in my office on my desktop. We’re hanging out in the starting town when a random low-level player starts following me. Note: I’m 30 and she’s 27, and we’ve both been playing this game together since high school.)

Random Player: “Hey, [My Username]!”

Me: “Yes?”

Random Player: “Free money, please?”

Me: “You can make money by killing goblins or cows, or by fishing or mining.”

Random Player: “I don’t want to do that! Give me 500k or I’ll do your mom in bed!”

Me: “Okay, that’s actually very disturbing.”

Random Player: “What, can’t handle me sleeping with your mom?”

Girlfriend: “No, he means it’s disturbing that you’re turned on by sixty-year-old married women.”

(The random player briefly stands there, silent, and then runs off without saying another word.)

Me: *shouting out of my office to my girlfriend* “You’re definitely a keeper, babe!”

(She responded by making her avatar blow my avatar a kiss in-game. A moment later, she waltzed into my office and gave me a kiss on the cheek. We have now been married for three years, and we still play that MMO together from time to time.)

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Putting His Parents Straight

, , , , , | Related | November 14, 2019

(I am meeting my boyfriend’s family for the first time. He warns me that his mother is very mother-hennish. Here’s what happens when I approach the front door. It’s worth noting that I have a unisex name.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, Mom and Dad, I want you to meet my… girlfriend.”

(When I walked in the door, they had a giant poster with the LGBTQ symbol on it, saying, “Celebrating [My Name] and [Boyfriend], who finally came out of the closet!” The look on their faces was enough to make any girl doubt her relationship when they saw that I’m a skirt-wearing, female-born girl. Later on, though, they apologized for the confusion, but I never went over to their house again, and we broke up six months later.)

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