Guys So Hot That You Just Got Burned

, , , , | Romantic | August 12, 2018

(My brother and his girlfriend are watching TV in the other room when a commercial for “The Bachelorette” comes on.)

Girlfriend: “Ooh!”

Brother: “You watch that? Why?”

Girlfriend: *sarcastically* “Uh, all the hot guys. Duh.”

Brother: *offended* “You’re never going to get with any of them.”

Girlfriend: “We’re never going to f*** like in your porn, but that doesn’t stop you from watching, either.”

Working Overtime On This Relationship

, , , , | Romantic | July 31, 2018

(Our company offices are located in a small town near the city where I live. Because of a business meeting with our Korean partners, I get stuck at work way overtime. My boyfriend of four years borrows my car that day, so I call him to pick me up.)

Boyfriend: *obviously just woke up* “Um, hello?”

Me: “Sorry to wake you up. Can you please pick me up at work? We just finished.”

Boyfriend: “Ugh, what time is it?

Me: “It’s 11 pm. The last bus left twenty minutes ago.”

Boyfriend: “Why not take a car? You have a car.”

Me: “You borrowed my car, remember? You promised to pick me up when we finish.”

Boyfriend: “Take a taxi. I’m in bed.”

Me: “It’s Friday night, and there is a music festival nearby. My boss already tried to call a taxi, but everyone is busy.”

Boyfriend: “Then walk. And can you sleep on a couch tonight? I don’t want you to wake me up again when you get home. You know I need sleep more than you. “

Me: “You want me to walk eight miles through the forest and fields at night? What—” *click*

(He hangs up on me. I stare at the phone, then try taxis again without any luck. I call my brother.)

Brother: “Hey, sis, what’s up?”

Me: “Hey, are you home?”

Brother: “Not yet. My train was delayed so I’m still on my way, but in five minutes I should be in the city. What’s wrong?”

Me: “Can you please pick me up at work? I had overtime, the last bus to [Town] already left, taxis are fully booked because of the festival, and our parents are at [Uncle]’s party. Mum’s car should be at home because they took a bus.”

Brother: “No problem, but it will take me around an hour to get to your office if I’m lucky and catch a night bus from the station to home. What happened to your car?”

Me: “It’s in front of my house. [Boyfriend] borrowed it because he had a day off, and now he is asleep and doesn’t want to pick me up.”

Brother: *pause* “I’m not going to comment on it, but you know what I’m thinking right now. See you in an hour.”

(Later, when I repeated my call with my boyfriend to my brother, he was so furious he even forgot he hates driving and offered to help me to pack my boyfriend’s stuff. I got home around 12:30 am and really slept on the couch, because otherwise I would have just suffocated him with a pillow. I told him to pack his stuff couple weeks later when he left me sitting on the floor with a possibly broken arm and went back to play his PC game.)


Can't stand the way people act? Well, misery loves company. Join us at our Antisocial collection in the NAR Store!

Has A Hand In The Formation Of The Alliance

, , , , | Romantic | July 25, 2018

(My boyfriend and I are walking back to our hotel room rather late at night after a couple of very busy days. He falls asleep on my shoulder on the bus ride back to the hotel. I am not convinced that he’s entirely awake when we get off of the bus and begin walking.)

Boyfriend: “Babeeeee.”

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: “Hold my hannnnnnd.”

Me: “Okay.” *takes his hand*

Boyfriend: *whispers* “The alliance will be greatly pleased.”

(He didn’t remember this in the morning.)

What A Dumpy Way To Do That

, , , , , , , | Romantic | July 21, 2018

(One of my long-term friends has a pretty unconventional way of doing things, and this unusual streak runs through every aspect of his life. He tells me this story about a conversation he had with his girlfriend at home.)

Friend: “[Girlfriend], we need to talk about something.”

Girlfriend: “Sure, what’s on your mind?”

Friend: “I don’t think I want you to be my girlfriend anymore.”

Girlfriend: “Sure, so what do you want to talk about?”

Friend: “I’m being serious; I don’t want you to be my girlfriend anymore.”

Girlfriend: “Er… what?”

Friend: “Yeah, I just felt it wasn’t working, so, yeah, we’re going to have to reevaluate things between us.”

Girlfriend: *getting pretty angry* “Are you even going to give me a reason? You can’t just stroll in and dump me and expect me to fine with it. Are you seeing someone else?”

Friend: “Not at all. I just don’t want you to be my girlfriend anymore…” *gets down on one knee and produces a ring* “… because I’d much rather have you as my fiancée, instead.”

Girlfriend: *in tears and borderline hysterical* “YOU A**HOLE! YES!”

(He then calmed her down and took her out to her favourite restaurant for a meal. I told him that the fact she didn’t at least backhand him for that is proof that they’re made for each other.)

Married To Hermione Granger

, , , , | Romantic | July 19, 2018

(My boyfriend is folding laundry.)

Boyfriend: “You know how I know you’re not some kind of mythical creature? You can’t fold a fitted sheet, either.”

Me: “Yes, I can. They taught me in my CNA class.”

Boyfriend: “You’re a witch!”

Page 1/2912345...Last
Next »