She’ll Get A Hold On You; Believe It 

, , , , | | Romantic | July 14, 2019

(I go to see Phil Collins’ “Still Not Dead Yet” show in mid-July and have a blast with my wife. Two days later, I’m in a restaurant kitchen unloading their delivery when “Easy Lover” comes on the radio.)

Me: “Oh, man, this was such a great song live, the way he performed with the background singer.”

(A female chef looks up with what I can only describe as a look of envy.)

Chef: “I wanted to go, too, but my boyfriend was going to buy the tickets, and he said they were sold out.”

Me: “Uh, my wife said there were a few thousand tickets still open.” 

(Goffertpark has a capacity of 50,000. I literally see the chef’s face going from envy and sadness to pure rage.)

Chef: “That motherf*****, not again!”

(She storms out of the kitchen.)

Head Chef: “Yeah, that’s the second time her boyfriend pulled that stunt when she really wanted to go and he didn’t.”

(I haven’t been back yet, so I don’t know if the boyfriend woke up with a chef’s blade in his gut or not.)

The Mother Of All Awkward Goodbyes

, , , , , , | | Romantic | July 7, 2019

(I’ve just met my daughter’s boyfriend for the first time after they’ve been dating for over a year, and he’s just brought us home from lunch with his parents. I’m in the back seat and the kids are saying goodbye, and there’s a fairly intense look between them.)

Boyfriend: *suddenly turning around* “Well, it was nice to finally meet you.”

Me: *taking the hint* “You, too.”

(I get out of the car and go to the door to wait for her.)

Me: *once she’s joined me* “Tell him I don’t mind if you kiss in front of me, but I appreciate the subtlety.”

Stranger Things Have Happened

, , , , | | Romantic | July 4, 2019

(I’m sitting In my room, watching a popular TV show that had a third season come out of July 4th. Just as things start falling off walls and flying around in the show, a photo flies of my wall and falls to the floor making a huge noise.)

My Boyfriend: “Will?!”

Me: “If that light starts flickering, I’m sleeping at your place tonight…”

Gut-Wrenching Puns

, , , , | | Romantic | July 4, 2019

Boyfriend: *playing a video game on his phone* “I livered—“ *leveled* “—up!”

Me: “You’ve got to be kidney-ing me.”

Boyfriend: *silence*

Me: “That joke wasn’t organ-ic?”

Meet-Cute At The Checkout

, , , , , , | | Romantic | June 29, 2019

(My boyfriend has traveled to America to visit me. While checking out at a shop, he and the cashier are making conversation about that.)

Cashier: “So, what brings you to America?”

Boyfriend: “Him.” *points at me*

Cashier: “That’s nice. Are you planning on doing anything special here?”

Boyfriend: “Not really. I’m just going to relax and spend some time with my sweetie.”

Cashier: “Ooh, did you meet a cute girl here?”

Boyfriend: “No, him.” *points at me again*

Cashier: “…”

Cashier: “OHHHH.”

(We all laughed about it.)

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