Pokémon Go-ing To The Bank

, , , , , | Romantic | July 22, 2017

(I’m an avid Pokémon fan while my boyfriend is not. Over the past couple years, however, I’ve exposed him to a lot of Pokémon information and we even purchased a Pikachu piggybank to save up money for our future while we’re still unmarried.)

Boyfriend: “I’m hoping we can save up a couple thousand dollars by the time we’re married.”

Me: “I’m sure we can, but in that piggybank? Unless we only fill it with hundreds, it’ll never fit…” *sly grin* “Unless… we get a second Pokémon piggybank?”

Boyfriend: “Fine… but only once we’ve saved $500!”

Me: “We could get the Eevee one!”

Boyfriend: “Or the Charmander. But then we’d want Bulbasaur and Squirtle, too, so we’d have all the starters…”

Me: “What’s wrong with that? Each one would be a $500 checkpoint, so we’d know how much we’ve saved. Also, can I point out that I love that you remembered all the Kanto starters?”

Boyfriend: “You’re right! Before you I had no Pokémon knowledge, and now I actually remember things! What are you doing to me?! Pokémon, stop!”

Me: “No, dear, it’s Pokémon GO. But you were close! Keep trying; you’ll get it!”

(He groaned loudly as I couldn’t help but laugh at him.)

Driven By ‘Quiet’ Words

, , , , , , | Related | July 14, 2017

(My boyfriend asks me to play golf with him and his friend. The friend is driving us and seeing as I live in the suburb between them the logical thing is for the friend to pick me up on the way to my boyfriend’s house. I am almost ready as he arrives so invite him into the house and quickly introduce him to my dad who tells me he needs to have a quiet word to me in the kitchen.)

Dad: “So why are you going out with him? What about [Boyfriend]?”

Me: “We aren’t going out. He’s picking me up on his way to [Boyfriend]’s place.”

Dad: “It’s not right. He should have picked [Boyfriend] up first and come back to get you. You should tell him to do that.”

Me: “He’s doing us a favour. I am not going to tell him to drive 15 minutes there and 15 minutes back and then drive back past [Boyfriend]’s place to get to [Golf Club].”

Dad: “It’s still not right. You need to think about [Boyfriend] before you get in the car with this guy.”

Me: “Well, I’m going.”

(Later.)

Friend: *to Boyfriend* “I have to say that [My Name]’s father must like you; you should have heard him having a ‘quiet’ word to her in the kitchen.”

Will Be A While Before You Can Top That

, , , , , , | Related | July 13, 2017

(My brother, his girlfriend, and I are having dinner together the day after Mother’s Day. It is the first one since we lost our grandma, whose grave we visited for the day. At that, my brother mentions his girlfriend doesn’t like some of the jokes he makes about Grandma’s death, which include his accidental attempt to put Dad into the grave with her. We’ve just finished talking about Grandma’s husband, who died when we were young and had the same name as our father.)

Brother: “I never knew him, so it’s freaky to see Dad’s name on a grave.”

Me: “I sorta remember him, but I always forget you were five.” *to his girlfriend* “It’s been seventeen years since he died. Grandma spent years without him.”

Girlfriend: “It’s kinda nice, though, to think they’re together now.”

Me: “Yeah.”

Brother: “Now she gets to be on top.”

Me & Girlfriend: *freeze, stare at another, then burst out laughing*

Brother: “THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT! I MEANT SHE’S NOW THE BOSS!”

Me & Girlfriend: *laugh more*

And It Shall Come With Crocodiles

, , , , | Romantic | July 10, 2017

(My boyfriend and I are half-asleep in bed together. Note, we’ve been discussing one day getting a house together.)

Boyfriend: *randomly turns to me* “I should think so.”

Me: *now awake* “What do you mean?”

Boyfriend: *now also awake* “You asked me a question.”

Me: *realising he probably dreamed it* “What did I ask you?”

Boyfriend: “Errr… ‘Can we have a house with a moat?'”

Going Out With You Is A Scream

, , , , | Romantic | July 7, 2017

(I am at a large amusement park’s annual Halloween festival, where there are plenty of haunted houses to go through. I am waiting in line and see a teenage girl, sitting with her back facing a part of the line and talking in hushed, smiling tones to what I assumed was her boyfriend. At many of these haunted houses, there are some “screamsters” who wander up and down the rows of guests and mess with them. One of these screamsters cuts through the line, sits down directly behind the girl and stares at her silently. Her boyfriend notices but does a great job keeping a straight face. After a few minutes, the girl senses something is off, and turns around to find herself face to face with a bloodied up man with a beard and carrying a broom. She screams and scrambles to her feet, looking utterly terrified.)

Girl: *to boyfriend* “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Boyfriend: *laughing* “Why WOULD I tell you?”

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