Sometimes It’s Not About Content; It’s About Aesthetic

, , , , , | Romantic | March 29, 2020

(I’m going through a breakup-song phase. It has nothing to do with my feelings for my boyfriend; I just really like the songs. My boyfriend, apparently, does not approve. He only speaks Spanish, so he’ll often ask me to translate the songs I’m listening to in English. Keep in mind that these conversations are all in good humor.)

Boyfriend: “What’s that song about?”

Me: “Breakups.”

Boyfriend: *laughing* “[My Name]! You can’t listen to that!”

(Later:)

Boyfriend: “What are you listening to?”

Me: “It’s a song about how [Artist] is moving on from their breakup. It’s really goo–“

Boyfriend: “[My Name]! Why are you listening to this stuff?”

Me: *laughing* “It doesn’t have anything to do with you, I promise! I just really like [Artist]’s style!”

(Later that week:)

Boyfriend: “What’s that song about?”

Me: “Umm…”

Boyfriend: “[My Name]!”

Me: *laughing* “What?”

(Later:)

Boyfriend: *suspiciously* “What are you listening to now?”

Me: “Well, it’s about a guy who keeps having failed first dates, but he’s–“

Boyfriend: “Oh, for heaven’s sake! What is wrong with you?”

Me: “No, no! Wait! It’s about failed first dates, not relationships, and how [Artist] has decided to keep trying! He’s really looking for love! It’s a positive song, I promise!” *laughing* “And it’s not about breakups!”

Boyfriend: *pause* “Yeah, I still think that’s about breakups.”

Me: *facepalm*

(Luckily, I was nearing the end of my breakup-song phase!)

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I Messed Up. Sue-shi Me.

, , , , | Romantic | March 23, 2020

(For my birthday, my gift request from my boyfriend is just a thoughtful, quality-time date. He doesn’t disappoint. We have a lovely time watching a movie together and then painting together at a local park. Afterward, he tells me there’s one last part of the date and we pull up to a small sushi restaurant in a shopping plaza. He looks excited as we do.)

Me: “Aw! I love sushi.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah! Do you recognize it?”

Me: *confusedly* “Er… I came here once with [Friend]?”

Boyfriend: *still smiling at me* “Are you sure you weren’t here… with me? Like two and a half years ago?”

Me: “Oh! Are you talking about our first date?”

Boyfriend: *excitedly* “Yeah!”

Me: *looking around* ”Babe, this is not where we had our first date. We had our first date at [Sushi Restaurant twenty minutes away].”

Boyfriend: “WHAT?”

(To be fair, the names of the places were almost identical. And I thought it was hilarious.)

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All Cats Are Equally Evil (And Adorable)

, , , , , , | Friendly | March 14, 2020

On my fifth date with my new girlfriend, she’s invited me back to her house for the first time. Since my parents are highly superstitious, they instilled a lot of irrational fears in me as I was growing up that I’ve had to work hard to dispel. I haven’t yet fully rid myself of the idea that black cats are evil.

She invites me in, we settle on the couch, and what do I see but a black cat, perched on top of the bookshelf. Knowing that if I make her choose between me and the cat, I’ll lose, I try to deal with it, but after a few minutes, it’s obvious that I’m nervous and uncomfortable. My girlfriend extracts the reason why.

She then goes over, picks up the cat, brings it over, and sets it on my lap. The cat curls up and starts purring. As it turns out, my girlfriend adopted the cat from a shelter after it was abandoned by its former owners, and as a result, the cat loves its humans and is very clingy, worried it will be abandoned again. 

It takes about three more trips over before I decide once and for all that my parents are morons and black cats are awesome. It’s very hard to dislike a purring furball that snuggles up on your chest and rubs its face against your cheek. It’s been three years since I met the cat, and I’m now engaged to the cat’s fellow pet human.

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No, No… She’s Got A Point

, , , , | Romantic | March 8, 2020

(My boyfriend and I are sitting on the couch while he’s playing video games. I have just finished a can of Coke.)

Me: “Man, I love Coke.”

Boyfriend: “We have to talk about your drug problem.”

Me: *not listening* “You know, I think if you and a can of Coke were drowning, I’d have to save the can of coke.”

Boyfriend: “What?!”

Me: “I know, but imagine how cold it would be coming out of the water!”

(My boyfriend went back to playing video games.)

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Not Feeling In-Sink With This Girl

, , , , , | Friendly | March 2, 2020

(In college, I share an apartment with a roommate who is dating a certain girl. One day, when I finish up in the bathroom and flush the toilet, I open the door to find her standing there, staring at the door.)

Girl: “Did you wash your hands? I didn’t hear you wash your hands.”

Me: “No… because the sink is out here.”

(I turned to look at the sink that she was standing right next to, which is outside of the toilet in our particular apartment layout. I then moved over to wash my hands, while she glared at me a bit and then turned around with a huff to storm off and complain to her boyfriend about me “mocking” her. I wasn’t then, but I certainly am now. That was just one example of her brand of crazy, and I was very glad when my roommate wised up and dumped her.)

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