If This Is The Worst Part Of Your Divorce…

, , , , , | Romantic | April 20, 2019

(My live-in boyfriend of two years is currently married to another woman, and has been so for seven years. She knows about me and vice versa, as we are all polyamorous. After a peaceful but distant period of time, they have decided to divorce, as they no longer have a romantic interest in each other. He tells me about this, obviously feeling down but resigned about the decision, and I offer as much emotional comfort as I’m able to, after which I make a somewhat callous comment.)

Boyfriend: “Now I’m just happy to be back home, so I can just sit on the couch and watch Last Week Tonight.”

(It’s a favourite of his. This is where I suddenly realise something important)

Me: “Oh, no… “

Boyfriend: “What’s wrong?”

Me: *full-on nervous giggling* “You’re either going to laugh or get mad at me.”

Boyfriend: *getting worried* “Okay, what is it?”

Me: “Can we still use your wife’s HBO account?”

(Luckily, he found it hilarious, and at least my total lack of tact led to a full-on belly laugh on an otherwise gloomy day!)

Don’t Get (La)Cross With The Innuendo

, , , , , | Romantic | April 14, 2019

(I’m not particularly interested in sports, while my boyfriend happens to be an athletic trainer. I have just brought him some fast food to a men’s lacrosse game he is working.)

Boyfriend: “So, do you understand how lacrosse is played?”

Me: “Sure! These boys have to score by handling their shafts while running down the field cradling the balls!”

Boyfriend: “…”

Me: “…”

Boyfriend: “…”

Me: *smiles sweetly*

Boyfriend: “Butthead.”

Read Into The Question More, Not The Book

, , , , , | Romantic | April 11, 2019

(My boyfriend brings books to work to read when it’s slow.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, should I read [Book #1] or [Book #2]?”

Me: “Uh… [Book #1].”

Boyfriend: “But what about [Book #2]?”

Me: “I dunno, what about [Book #2]?”

Boyfriend: “I really want to read [Book #2].”

Me: “Then why did you ask?!”

Date And Dash

, , , | Romantic | April 4, 2019

(My boyfriend and I frequent a 24-hour, diner-style restaurant. Since we usually go late at night, we get to know one of the waitresses. One day, my boyfriend seems to just be jumping with energy. As we’re going to the register to pay, he suddenly runs out the door to the car. The waitress stares at the door for a minute.)

Waitress: “Is he all right?”

Me: “Yeah. He thinks he’s being funny by pretending to dine and dash.”

Waitress: *after a pause* “All right.”

Me: “Yeah. At least we have a joint account.”

Dipping Your Toes Into A Digital Future

, , , , , , | Related | April 1, 2019

Our eldest son is extremely smart and sarcastic, is an avid movie fan, and loves puns. Not all of his romantic interests have been able to keep up with him and/or did not appreciate his… um… uniqueness. We knew his latest girlfriend was a keeper when the following happened.

We were discussing a movie that we felt had some technical mistakes. Our son said something about CGI effects and ended by exclaiming, “Even the toes were digital!”

His girlfriend immediately said, “All toes are digital.”

I don’t know if we laughed harder at her pun or at the look on our son’s face.

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