Free To Hear Whatever You Want To Hear

, , , | Working | November 9, 2017

(I decide Wednesday night to buy a pizza on my way home. This place does only pickup or delivery, no tables. I stand looking at the menu and choosing my order when one of the employees answers the phone.)

Employee #1: “[Employee #2]? They want to talk to you. Something about free pizzas.”

(Out of curiosity, I listen as the coworker takes the call. It turns out to be someone ordering in advance for a huge group of kids on Friday night.)

Employee #2: “She said, ‘thirty-THREE’, not, ‘thirty FREE’!”

Giving You The 411 On Your Scam

, , , | Right | November 7, 2017

(I work as a telephone operator. We have routing and billing issues where if an operator transfers a customer to directory we are unable to bill the call, so when we get a call requesting transfer we will instruct the customer to dial 411. This weakness is quickly discovered by customers, and we get many requests for transfer, which we are to refuse and give dialing instructions, instead.)

Customer: “I want to be transferred to directory.”

Me: “Please hang up and dial 411 for directory assistance.”

Customer: “114?” *obviously engaging in social engineering*

Me: “411, sir.”

Customer: “144?”

Me: “Actually, sir, there is not much point in you calling directory, anyway.”

Customer: “Why do you say that?”

Me: “They will give you a seven-digit number. You seem to be unable to get a three-digit number correct.”

Customer: “F*** you!” *click*

My Boyfriend The Arsonist

, , , , | Romantic | November 6, 2017

(I’m on the phone with my boyfriend.)

Me: “Hey.”

Boyfriend: “Hey. How are you?”

Me: “I’m good. How’re you?”

Boyfriend: “I’m— OH, S***! HANG ON A SECOND!”

Me: “What? Okay?”

Boyfriend: *after a moment* “Okay, I’m back.”

Me: “Okay? What happened?”

Boyfriend: “I started a fire.”

Me: “What? Are you okay?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, I put it out. It’s fine.”

Me: “What happened?”

Boyfriend: “I turned on the wrong burner and that burner had a bunch of napkins on it.”

Me: “You turned on the burner without clearing it first?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, but it’s okay. I put it out.”

Me: “Are the napkins still on the stove?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah.”

Me: “Move them, right now! In fact, clear the stove top of everything you’re not heating up, right now!”

Boyfriend: “But it’s [Roommate]’s things and—”


Boyfriend: “Okay! I’m on it!” *after a moment* “Okay. It’s done.”

Me: “Good. It’s better to touch [Roommate]’s things without permission than to set [Roommate]’s things on fire.”

Boyfriend: “Good point.”

This Client Is Very Labor Intensive

, , , , , , , | Working | October 27, 2017

(My boss is not in the office, as his wife has gone into labor. He has asked us to let any clients know where he is and has put up an out-of-office message for his emails and his voicemail, but he is still receiving many calls from clients. He has included my number in his email, as I am his assistant and can help to direct his calls to another coworker, assist the client, or simply take a message for when he returns. One of his clients has been known to be very demanding and a bit out of touch with reality. This very client is the one who, to no surprise, causes quite the fuss over all this. He calls me and begins demanding to talk to my boss.)

Client: “I have been trying to reach [Boss] all day, but he is not responding. I need him to call me right away.”

Me: “I’m sorry. [Boss] is not in today. His wife is having a baby, so he is currently with her, and will be out for the next two weeks.”

Client: “I don’t care about that! I need him more!”

Me: “I would be happy to help you with any requests. We also have [Other Coworker with whom this client has worked with before] available to help.”

Client: “[Boss] is the only one who understands. I will only talk to him. Go get him for me and tell him I need him.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t do that.”

Client: “I don’t want to have to tell [Boss] how lazy and unhelpful you are.”

Me: “Sir, forgive me for being blunt, but I cannot and will not be getting [Boss] for you, as he is currently in the hospital with his wife, who is currently in labor.”

Client: “Well, he can’t do much there, anyway, can he? She’s doing all the work. I’ll call [Other Coworker]; he’ll get [Boss] for me, I know it.”

(That coworker also refused to get [Boss], and gave the client quite an earful when the client quite literally told him to “go down to the hospital and drag him out by the ear if you have to.”)

Call Back Attack, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | October 26, 2017

(I am going through open case tickets. I find one that has a phone number to a direct line for the client. This isn’t unusual, but it’s not generally a common practice we use since we’re supposed to only call store locations unless told by the store manager, store owner, or our own supervisor. I dial the phone number in the case notes, since it says to call the store manager at the number provided. This all takes place before my work starts recording calls.)

Me: “Hi, my name is [My Name] and I’m calling from [Company]. I’m calling to follow up on the case here about [problem]. I see that the last notes in the case—”

Woman: *cuts me off* “I don’t know why you keep calling me! I told the last guy from your company that called that I don’t work at no [Company] and that I don’t wanna be bothered anymore! I’m out with my kid walking and you call me about some f****** issue for [Company] that I don’t work at! I told you before to stop calling my cell!”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience we’ve caused you. I’m making notes in the case to not call the number listed so we no longer make this mistake. I hope you have a good day.”

(I hang up and go about my job. A few minutes go by and I look at the incoming calls in the queue; I see the same phone number come up that I just got off of with the angry lady. I wait for the call to come up and I answer it. Sure enough, it’s the same lady.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. Do you have an existing case number to reference?”

Woman: “I don’t know who I just got off the phone with at your d*** company, but you f****** r*****s keep calling my God-d*** cell phone! I’m tired of being harassed by you stupid f*****s!”

Me: “I do apologize for the problems this has caused you, and I see there are notes in the case that mention to never use the phone number we have written down.”

Woman: “I don’t give a f*** what your notes say! You need to stop calling me. I don’t work at [Company] and I’m tired of you a**holes calling me while I’m out with my daughter!”

Me: “It’s noted in the case to not call your number again.”

Woman: “F*** you and your God-d*** company! Don’t you be calling my phone no more!”

Me: *knowing phone calls aren’t recorded* “Ma’am, it’s noted here to not call you anymore and you calling us back after we initially spoke to you, only to berate us, is uncalled for. Quite frankly, you don’t need to be a f****** b**** about it now.”

Woman: *gasps* “Uh… uh…” *gasps again, hangs up, and never calls back*

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