It Was A Clean Attack

, , , , , | Romantic | June 5, 2018

(My boyfriend and I have been playing separate computer games while on a voice call with each other. We have been silent for a while, but then I hear snoring.)

Me: “[Boyfriend], wake up. Wake up! [Boyfriend]! Wake up!”

Boyfriend: “Hm? Wha?”

Me: “You fell asleep. You should probably go to bed.”

Boyfriend: “Aw, but–NO! F***! S***! NO! GET AWAY! BAD! F***! F*** OFF, YOU DEMON VACUUM! No, no, f***, f***, GET AWAY FROM MY COMPUTER!”

Me: “Uh… Dear? This in your game or in real life?”

Boyfriend: “Real life. My roommate’s roomba came to life and tried to attack my computer tower…”

(His computer was fine, but I think that thoroughly woke the both of us.)

Unfiltered Story #107815

, , | Unfiltered | March 27, 2018

(I enjoy messing with scammers that call me, if I have the time I try to keep them on the line and even have a app that records the call. My husband and I are going through some financial issues and have been trying to find a solution for what to do about our issue. The call I receive is a unknown number so I instantly know it’s going to be a scammer, I NEVER give them any of my actual information.)

Me: “Hello?”

Scammer: *this is a woman has a accent that sounds American* “Hello this is [Name] with debt relief services, I’m calling to let you know about our services you recently inquired about. Can I get your name?”

Me: “I’m [My fake name I give these scumbags].”

Scammer: “Okay [Fake Name], and how much is your total debt and is it shared with a spouse?”

Me: “$15,000 and I am married.”

Scammer: “Alright, let me get you to my manager.”

(While I’m on hold I quickly do research on ‘debt relief services’ on the better business bureau and find out that that company no longer exists and had a terrible rating to it.)

Scam Manager: *sounding very annoyed and done with everything* “Hello.”

Me: “Uh hello?”

Scam Manager: *suddenly perky and excited with an Indian accent* “Hello, am I speaking to Michelle?”

Me: “Yup, you are.”

(He starts speaking about the scam and I ask about their company. He gives me a totally different name and that company doesn’t even exist. When I ask about this he says they only refer people to law firms. I ask if I called one of these law firms if they could vouch for their existence, and conveniently they wouldn’t be able to. 10-15 minutes go by and he starts to ask for my DOB, SSN, and home address. I finally decide I’ve had enough.)

Me: “So you do realize I work for a credit card company in the fraud department?” *I mentioned this when he asked about my current employer*

Scam Manager: “Yes, why?”

Me: “I’ve heard just about every scam. Yours being one, how do you live with yourself?”

Scam Manager: “Excuse me? Ma’am, this isn’t a scam.”

Me: “You call me on a UNKNOWN number, you give me a different name from the other girl which either companies don’t exist and conveniently no one can vouch for your existence and you want all of my information for you to commit fraud. You’re a scamming piece of s***. How do you go to sleep at night?”

Scam Manager: “Ma’am, this isn’t a scam, we are trying to help and we need that information to help you. I think your debt is starting to get to effect your judgement.”

Me: “This call has been recorded and I’m going to share it with everyone I know. You should really go home and reflect on your life.”

(I didn’t receive another call from those scammers, but do continue to receive them from others.)


That Sale Tanked

, , , , | Right | March 22, 2018

(I used to breed reptiles on a small scale and sell supplies on the side from my home, but I have closed that business down. I still have the same cell number that was used for those listings. A guy calls looking for a fish tank while I’m lounging in bed with coffee.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t have any. Can I ask where you got this number?”

Caller: “Online, under pet stores.”

Me: “Okay, thank you. Sorry, but I closed my business two years ago. You can try the [Animal Clinic], though.”

Caller: “Where else can I get a tank? “

Me: “[Animal Clinic]. They are also a pet store.”

Caller: “How much? “

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t know. You’ll have to go look.”

Caller: “Where is it?”

Me: “Do you know where the [Landmark] is?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “I’m not sure of the exact address; I just know how to get there. It might be best just to look up the address.”

Caller: “Okay, what is the address?”

Me: “I don’t know. You’ll have to look it up.”

Caller: “How?”

Me: “Same way you found me. I’m sure Google will help.”

Caller: “What about [Store]? Do they have tanks?”

Me: “Um. Maybe. I’m not sure. You’ll have to go look.”

Caller: “I don’t want to drive into town for nothing.”

Me: *snorts out a laugh* “Okay, but I can’t help you.”

Caller: “Thank you for good customer service.” *hangs up*

If Only He Knew How Crazy His Request Sounded

, , , | Right | March 16, 2018

(I live in Germany. We have a loyal customer base who always come to us when their American-made motorcycles have any kind of trouble. Some of them think we are omnipotent and can solve any problem over the phone.)

Customer: “My bike is making some strange noise.”

Me: “What kind of noise?”

(Usually I would expect a description of the sound and the general area it comes from on the bike. Instead, I hear the bike start up and the customer revving the engine several times while holding the phone close to it.)

Customer: “Now you heard it. What do you think is wrong?”

(I had to patiently explain that I need to have the bike in the shop to check it out instead of giving him a diagnosis over the phone.)

Enabling A Magical Christmas Gathering

, , , , , | Hopeless | March 2, 2018

(I work in an online store that sells ‘Magic: The Gathering’ cards. It is almost Christmas.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help?”

Boy: *sounds about 15* “Hi, I’m building a deck for a Christmas tournament tomorrow, and the shop that I ordered the cards from has just told me that they are out of [Card]. It’s sold out everywhere, even on your site. I don’t want to be that guy, but do you have any in stock that were not loaded onto the website?”

Me: “I’ll check for you.”

(Sure enough, I find we have some.)

Me: “Good news: we do! You can check them out on the website. If you choose the international shipping option, I’ll use a courier service; it should be there tomorrow.”

Boy: “Thank you so much. You are a lifesaver!”

(Three days later, I got a package. It was a box of chocolates, a picture of the boy holding a trophy, and a note: “Thank you so much! I managed to come first. Enjoy these!” I love my job.)

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