In the early 2000s, I worked in a call center for a cell phone company in billing and support. I have LOTS of stories, but here’s one of my favourites.
I had a customer call in angry right away — shocking, I know.
Customer: “MY PHONE IS BROKEN!”
Me: “Okay, what exactly is broken with it?”
Customer: “What do you mean?! It’s broken! Are you stupid or something?!”
Me: “Well, broken can mean a lot of things. Can you please explain what you mean by broken?”
Customer: “The screen is dead! It doesn’t even make a sound when I try to call people!”
Me: “Oh, see? This is why I ask what you mean by broken. A sound? Like a dial tone? Cell phones don’t have a dial tone like home phones. Is it on? Is it charged?”
Customer: “I don’t know what that means.”
Me: “You’ve plugged it in?”
Customer: “I just got it, and the screen doesn’t even work! And I can’t call anyone! This thing is useless!”
Me: “Okay, so it might not be charged. Have you tried the power button?”
Customer: “I don’t know what you mean! What power button?!”
Me: “Well, with cell phones, you need to turn them on, and they have batteries, so after a while, the battery needs to be charged again.”
Customer: “So, what do I do?!”
Me: “Just press and hold the power button; it’s on the top of the phone.”
She responded right away.
Customer: “Nothing happened.”
Me: “You need to hold the power button for a few seconds for it to turn on.”
Again, she responded right away.
Customer: “Nothing happened.”
Me: “I don’t think you’re pressing it for long enough. Press and hold the top of the phone for at least three long seconds.”
Customer: “Okay, what do you mean by ‘the top’?”
Me: *Confused* “Like… um… The top? Not the front… or the sides… or the bottom… or the back… but the top.”
Customer: “It doesn’t work!”
Me: “And you’re pressing the top?”
Customer: “I don’t know!”
I tried everything I could think of to try to explain what “top” meant. After about five minutes of mind-numbing banter I can’t remember, I tried this.
Me: “Okay, so… Put your finger on the screen…”
Customer: “Yeah…”
Me: “Slide it up! When you hit an edge, that’s the top.”
Customer: “Nothing happened.”
Me: “Maybe we should go back to the store and see if something is broken, or if the people there can see what’s wrong with the phone.”
Customer: “I CAN’T DO THAT!”
I had one last idea to try to get her to understand what “top” meant. Feeling tired and sad for humanity, I said:
Me: “Okay… So… Look at your phone…”
The customer wasn’t angry now, just more embarrassed.
Customer: “Okay…”
Me: “Your phone isn’t a phone anymore. It’s a person. The screen is its face.”
Customer: “Okay, I can see that….”
Me: “Okay! So, the top is where you would put the hat!”
Customer: “OH! IT’S WHERE YOU WOULD PUT THE HAT!”
A few seconds later, I heard the phone’s booting sound.
Customer: “Okay, okay, I got it!”
Me: “Thanks for choosing [Company]…”