(We are a corporate company that sells a lot of sheet music. I have only worked at this place for eight months. I am helping out with customer service calls, when a customer calls in asking me to explain something she sees on our website. I have been on the phone for the last ten minutes, trying to answer her questions.)

Customer: “So, the symbol doesn’t mean it has shaped notes?”

Me: “The symbol you are seeing only indicates that is a capella, not that is has shaped notes.”

Customer: “I know that is a capella, I just want to know if it has shaped notes. Can’t you hear? I’ll say it again… does the music have shaped notes?!”

Me: “[Customer], as far as I can tell, they are not shaped notes. There is no way for me to view the music, since it is an older piece. Is there a particular voicing you are looking for, so I can see if we have it in our store and can look at it for you?”

Customer: “I don’t care about the voicing, I just want to know if it is shaped-note. Is there a supervisor around I can talk to, since you apparently don’t know your product?”

Me: *tired of arguing with this customer* “Yes, hold on.” *I put her on hold, which she sighs at as I do, and ask my coworkers about it, and they tell me the same thing I’ve been telling her.* “Okay, they said that there is no way to tell if it is shaped-note if it does not specify it in the description.  Since it is not a common notation, they would have it in the description if it had shaped notes.”

Customer: “So, you’re saying it is not shaped-note? Are there any that are?”

Me: “As far as I can tell, we have none that are shaped-note for that specific piece. It might be in a collection book, but when I search for it, nothing comes up with that title.”

Customer: “Well, you are no help at all. You clearly should not be in the in music business if you don’t even know your own product that you sell! You have wasted my time. I hope you are happy.” *hangs up phone*

Me: *turning to my coworkers* “Well, apparently I have no idea what I’m doing in this business.”

(My mother used to be the head secretary for a union boss. [Boss] was always in the news, usually in a negative way, and he was extremely unpopular. Mum could depend on getting at least one call like this per day:)

Mum: “Good morning, [Union Office].

Angry Caller: “Is this the office of [Boss]?”

Mum: “Yes.”

Angry Caller: “You can tell that guy that he’s a f*****, and his mother was a w****, and if I ever see him, I’m going to—”

Mum: “Actually, he’s right here. You can tell him yourself. One moment, please.”

Angry Caller: *click*

(I have applied for Universal Credit and have to attend a compulsory interview for it. I get the email telling me that my interview is not only 400 miles away, but also in another country. I call the helpline to ask them to reschedule my interview.)

Helpline Employee: “How can I help you today?”

Me: “I’ve been given a date for my interview, but it’s in Edinburgh, and I live in London. I was just wondering if that was a computer glitch or something?”

Helpline Employee: “Would that be a problem?”

Me: “Well… yes. I live 400 miles away. In London, England.”

Helpline Employee: *as though I am stupid* “Edinburgh is in Scotland, not in England. Can you attend the interview or not?”

Me: “No. As I have said, it’s 400 miles away, so I have no way of getting there. I’d like an interview closer to my home, please.”

Helpline Employee: “I can send you the public transport options to get you to your interview. It’s really important to go to it!”

(I don’t want to hang up and call again, as I was on hold for so long. I decide to go with it and see if she spots the problem.)

Me: “Can we talk through transport options now?”

Helpline Employee: “No, all I can do is email them to the email address you provided.”

Me: *getting frustrated* “I have already looked at transport options. As I don’t have a car, I can only go by train. A train from London to Edinburgh takes about five hours, usually longer. I can’t afford that kind of trip, and even if I could, I don’t want to spend more than ten hours on a train in one day. Can I change the location of my appointment, please?”

Helpline Employee: “How far away do you actually live?”

Me: *thinking we’re finally getting somewhere* “About 400 miles.”

Helpline Employee: “I can move your appointment to the afternoon. That will mean you will have time to attend!”

(I just hung up and resolved to be on hold again. I gave it a minute and called back. After being on hold for ages, I spoke to someone who changed my appointment to the branch that was 20 minutes walk from my house. He had no idea why I was sent to the Edinburgh branch, but at least he understood the concept of distance.)

(It is the days of landlines. I live in a small town that only has one telephone exchange: the three digits after the area code. Most people only give the last four digits of their phone number. I am a fan of unpublished numbers, to reduce the amount of solicitation calls. These are also the days before the Do-Not-Call List. For those who don’t know, an unpublished number costs more, because if someone calls information asking for John Doe’s phone number, all they will be told is “I have no listing”. An unlisted number is just not in “the book”, but information will still give it out. I’ve just paid to get an unpublished number, and what number do I get? 356-1411. To call information in this town, you dial JUST 1411. So, I immediately start getting calls like this.)

Me: “Hello.”

Caller: “I’d like [Name]’s number.”

Me: “Sorry, if you want information, don’t dial 356 first.”

Caller: “Oops, yeah. Sorry. Bye.”

(But I do get the occasional person who does this:)

Me: “Hello.”

Caller: “I’d like [Other Name]’s number.”

Me: “Sorry; if you want information, don’t dial 356 first.”

Caller: “I didn’t.”

Me: “Yes, you did, or you wouldn’t be talking to me; I’m NOT information.”

Caller: “I didn’t! Give me my d*** phone number!”

(I’d then hang up. This went on for several weeks before I contacted the phone company, asking for a different unpublished number; and without being charged for changing numbers again. They did so, and for free. But wow! Some people got rude so fast. It made me appreciate what those operators go through.)

(I work at a sandwich shop that specializes in deliveries, in a prominent college town. We receive a phone call around 2:30 am. This is what ensues:)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Sandwich Shop]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Uhhh. Hey.”

Me: “Hey.”

Caller: “What time do you guys close?”

Me: “We stop taking orders at three am.”

Caller: “Oh, word.”

(Silence.)

Me: “So, what can I get you?”

Caller: “Oh, nothing. I just wanted to see what was up. I might call you guys tomorrow or something.”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Caller: “Yeah. I’m about to go to bed. I’m super tired. Goodnight.”

Me: “Uh, cool man. Sleep well.”

Caller: “Thanks, man, you too.”

(We all had a good laugh.)