We Feel Sorry For Joe

, , , , , | Friendly | September 9, 2019

(One weekend morning I’m woken by my work cell ringing. I hurry over and pick it up.)

Caller: “Is Joe there?”

Me: “Who?”

Caller: “Ah, wrong number.”

Me: *slightly annoyed* “Yeah–”

Caller: *hangs up mid-syllable*

(I go to put the phone down but it rings from the same number before it leaves my hand.)

Me: *somewhat amused* “I think you dialed the wrong number ag–”

Caller: *aggressive* “I don’t appreciate how you said, ‘Yeah,’ earlier.”

(What follows is a blistering lecture about phone manners as this caller nearly shouts me down for my tone on one word. I don’t recall most of the details save for his farewell.)

Caller: “God Bless, f*** off, ya b****!” *hangs up*

(He never did the polite thing and apologize for calling the wrong number.)

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Some People Must Have Some Hangups About Hanging Up  

, , , , , , | Right | August 22, 2019

(I don’t wait well. I get really antsy and frustrated when waiting in a line at a store, so I’ve started conversing with my friends over the phone, often through text, but sometimes talking. When it comes to my turn at the register where a friend and I are talking, I sign off with them and step up. More and more I get:)

Cashier: “Did you just hang up?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Cashier: “To pay?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Cashier: “Oh, my God! Here, have 10% off.”

Me: “That’s really not necessary.”

(Seven times so far! I’m not going to start doing this just to get the discount, but man, others must be annoying.)


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Became The Butt-Dial Of This Joke

, , , , , , | Working | August 2, 2019

Our office has an intercom system that has literally never been used except when it’s being tested. To broadcast over the intercom, you dial a phone number, and when you speak into the phone on your end, your voice comes out over the speaker.

When I get back from vacation, I hear this story: Out of nowhere, everyone could hear outdoor background noises, footsteps, and a woman’s faint voice coming from all around them. It was coming from the intercom, and it was the unmistakable combination of sounds you hear when someone butt dials you without realizing it. Somewhere on the planet Earth, an English-speaking woman butt dialed the intercom number and went about her day with her phone in her pocket or purse, not realizing what had happened.

While my coworkers tried to find someone in IT who actually knew how to disconnect this thing or find out where the call was coming from, they spent the day listening to this woman — wearing very loud clippity-clop high heels — chat with friends, shop for clothes — including trying them on — get lunch — quesadillas, yum! — etc. She was most likely in a city, since her heels were apparently hitting pavement as she went between shops.

After listening to her lunch, my supervisor said, “If she goes to the bathroom, I’m outta here!” No points for guessing what everyone heard almost immediately after that. My supervisor did indeed take a walk as soon as it was obvious what was coming, but from what others told me, that section took a very long time…

Nobody was able to tell me how it eventually ended — many of them finished for the day and went home before it did! — either by someone in IT finally cutting it off, or by the unknown radio star finally needing to use her phone. Even if she saw her phone had accidentally dialed a number, she would have no way of knowing it connected to an intercom and not another phone, so she will never know that an office of strangers listened to everything she did one afternoon, and we will never know who it was.

When I heard about it, I suggested that it might have been a prank, but even though others agreed with me, I decided not because a prankster would’ve made them listen to even more uncomfortable things, like the sounds of stopping for a quickie with hubby or something. The stuff was too mundane, if briefly gross, for it to be anything but unintentional, I think.

Regardless, we can learn two important things from this incident. One, for everyone: be mindful of your phone and what it’s doing behind your back. Two, for our IT and telecommunications department: rethink the intercom design.

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What The *BEEP* Are You Talking About?

, , , , , | Friendly | July 25, 2019

(This is back in the days of landlines and touch-tone phones. For those of you unfamiliar with this technology, in our area of the US at least, after initiating a call, you could press the number buttons on a landline and the corresponding would sound in the earpiece of the person on the other end. Also, the longer you pressed, the longer the tone. I call my best friend and his sister answers. We’re all around the age of 14. I’m known for messing with my friend’s siblings…)

Friend’s Sister: *answers phone* “Hello?”

Me: *BEEP*

Friend’s Sister: “[My Name]?”

Me: *affirmative BEEP*

Friend’s Sister: “[Friend] isn’t here right now.”

Me: *sad BEEP*

Friend’s Sister: “I’ll have him call you when he gets back.”

Me: *happy BEEP*

Friend’s Sister: “Bye.”

Me: *BEEP*

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If That Was Really Him You’d Be Over The Moon

, , , , | Related | July 23, 2019

(My dad is a teenager, watching live news coverage of the moon landing. The coverage then shows a split screen with President Nixon in the Oval Office picking up his phone to call the astronauts. At the exact moment, his home phone rings. As he goes to pick it up, my grandma yells:)

Grandma: “Tell them that this isn’t the moon!”

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