When my mom first got a smart phone, then the phone bill, she called the phone company immediately:

Mom: “Why am I getting charged this much!? You said it would be half that!”

Phone Guy: “It says you have been overusing your data and were charged for it.”

Mom: “Data? I never use any of that!”

Phone Guy: “It’s saying the vast majority came from sending pictures.”

Mom: “Sending pictures doesn’t use data.”

Phone Guy: “Yes, it does, ma’am.”

Mom: “NO IT DOESN’T!”

Me: “Mom, yeah, it does. Pictures are data.”

Mom: “No! Pictures are just pictures! Data is boring s*** like emails and stuff!”

Phone Guy: “Ma’am, sending pictures does indeed use up your data allowance.”

Mom: “That can’t be true! They weren’t even very good pictures!”

I worked at a phone repair store in the early days of smartphones, before water resistance was a thing.

Customer: “I need to return this. It stopped working.”

Me: “What happened to it?”

Customer: “I dropped it in the toilet.”

Me: “Unfortunately, water damage isn’t covered under the standard warranty—”

Customer: “—I know that! That’s why I dried it off first.”

Me: “…You dried it off before bringing it in for a warranty claim?”

Customer: “I’m not an idiot. I used the hair dryer on it for like ten minutes.”

Me: “Sir, you cannot use a hair dryer on a—”

Customer: “It was on the cool setting.”

Me: “That doesn’t—”

Customer: “COOL air. Not hot. I’m not going to just blast a phone with hot air, I’m not stupid.”

Me: “Right. So just to confirm: the phone fell in the toilet, you blow-dried it on cool for ten minutes, and now it won’t turn on, and you’d like a refund because it stopped working on its own?”

Customer: “Exactly. Finally.”

I just stared at him for a moment.

Me: “Sir, I want you to know that I asked purely for my own closure.”

It took my manager to explain that he wouldn’t be getting a return or free replacement.

Caller: “Hi, I would like to order two large pizzas.”

Me: “Uhhhm, what?”

Caller: “I want two large pizzas. When will they be ready?”

Me: “Uhhhm, we don’t serve pizza?”

Caller: “What do you mean you don’t serve pizza?! Why?!”

Me: “Because this is my house and I am ten.”

Caller: *Click.*

I am looking for employment and applying for every job that remotely looks like a fit for my skill set. Naturally, this brings out the recruiters like crazy, so I’m getting phone calls and emails daily from people offering jobs. Most of the positions they send over are decent, but then I get this guy:

Recruiter: “Hi, [My Name], this is [Recruiter]. I’m calling about a job opportunity for a program manager role that you’ll be perfect for, based on your resume! Please check your inbox.”

I click on my email… and I’m rather stunned.

For the record, my training and career history are in writing software and implementing programs for hospitals and insurance providers. The job this guy has sent me is for a rocket scientist.

I’m not kidding!

The skills required explicitly mention “technical expertise with liquid rocket engines and test facilities”, “experience integrating complex subsystems into a spacecraft”, “implementing, customizing or improving the configuration of launch trajectory systems”, and so on. This job could not possibly be further from my skill set if it tried.

Me: “I’m sorry, but I think you sent me the wrong job description. This is for someone with a strong engineering background.”

Recruiter: “Exactly, it’s perfect for you! Can I send over a Right to Represent now?”

Me: “Could you not? I apologize, but there’s been a mistake. You’ve mixed me up with someone else or something, cause this is definitely not a role I’d be good at.”

Recruiter: “Nonsense, you’ll be great at it! Trust me! Now I’ll need you to confirm the RTR before I can set up an interview.”

Me: “I’m sorry again, but I’m not going to apply for this position.”

Recruiter: “Alright, fine. Well, I have another position that you might be interested in if this one isn’t good enough for you.”

Me: *Not really warming to this guy’s tone, but still needing any chance of employment.* “Okay, send it over.”

Another email pops into my inbox. I give it a read and the deja vu comes on strong… because it’s the exact same job description! All that’s been changed is that the title now reads ‘Operations Program Manager’ instead of ‘Program Manager III’.

Me: “[Recruiter], this is the same position!”

Recruiter: “You’ll be great at it! Trust me!”

Me: *Trying to wrap my head around why this guy is pushing so hard.* “You’ve looked at my resume, right? Where in my work history does it sound even remotely like I have any of these skills? I notice at the bottom it mentions I also need to be certified in DFMA (Design for Manufacturing and Assembly) and have previously worked with the P6 tool. Where are those stated in my past positions? Please explain to me why you believe my knowledge of hospital claims processing and billing software qualifies me to work on rocket engines or spacecraft.”

Recruiter: “…Can you still give it a try? Worst that can happen is they say no.”

I finally got him to accept I would not be wasting any more of my time or his trying to apply for something I was not in any way qualified for.

Thankfully, I’ve since found a new position in my field, but that still remains the most extreme case of stubborn adamancy I’ve ever encountered.

Related:
It’s Not Exactly Rocket Science, Part 2
It’s Not Exactly Rocket Science…

One time, I was going to visit my grandpa. We had a set time I’d be at his house. I was going to call to say I’d be about half an hour late due to traffic, but my phone had died.

I grab my wife’s phone and dial his number. I say:

Me: “Hey, it’s [My Name]. I’ll be about half an hour late.”

Grandpa: “Oh, so you won’t be at [Restaurant in the next town over]?”

I said I was going to his house, and didn’t know about the plans to meet at a restaurant. We both were confused.

Me: “Am I talking to [Grandpa’s Name]?”

Grandpa: “Yes.”

Me: “Are you supposed to meet [My Name]?”

Grandpa: “Yes.”

Me: “I must have the wrong number. Bye.”

I hang up and stop to look at my phone. I had dialed one number wrong on the phone.

I had ended up with someone with the same name as my grandpa, meeting someone with the same name as me, at the same time, just a few miles apart.

He even sounded like my grandpa, too.