Should Have Egg-spected That

, , , , | Related | October 19, 2017

(I’ve always believed in answering my sons’ questions honestly. On the road to a grocery one day, one of them asks how babies are made. I explain. The four-year-old looks very thoughtful while we shop. However, he stays quiet until we are surrounded by senior citizens in the checkout line. Then, loudly and clearly, he asks:)

Son: “But how does the sperm get to the egg?”

Makes You Blush Purple

, , , , , | Related | October 18, 2017

(My girls’ soccer team is having a trip to Munich for some sightseeing and visiting the famous soccer arena located there. Our families are invited to come along, too, and my family goes with us since none of us have ever been to Munich. We are on a tram to our next location, when suddenly my seven-year-old sister exclaims:)

Sister: “Mama! There’s a purple banana; I want one, too!”

(We all turn around to see what she is pointing to, and sure enough, it is billboard of a campaign against AIDS, featuring a bundle of bananas in brightly colored condoms. All of us teenage girls turn beet-red when we realize that the whole car has heard us, but my mom is unfazed.)

Mother: “Sure, sweetie, but it’s not really purple. It’s just protection to make sure the banana doesn’t get sick.”

Sister: “Aw, that’s boring. Then I don’t want one.”

(I’ve considered getting my sister a banana in a purple condom for her 16th birthday, just to remind her of it.)

Comeback To That Comeback

, , , , , , | Related | October 17, 2017

(I don’t catch the first part of this conversation, but the gist of it is: My brother-in-law makes a comment to my niece, she makes a comeback, and is told off for it with this parenting gem.)

Sister: “I don’t care if you’re insulting, just so long as you’re witty! Now, something that might have made a better comeback..” *whispers into [Niece]’s ear*

Niece: “Okay. Daddy, can you say it again?”

Brother-In-Law: “[Niece], I have a bag here; I’d like you to put your attitude into it.”

Niece: “Silly Daddy, my attitude wouldn’t be able to fit.”

Kid Earns A High Five

, , , , | Friendly | October 16, 2017

(The young son of one of our regulars is the cutest thing. He goes up to my coworker with a pack of cards that we give away for free, as a promotion for a game his dad plays, and he says, in his tiny voice:)

Kid: “Is it okay I took this? It says ‘thirteen plus.’ I’m five.”

Coworker: “That’s okay; we won’t tell.”

(We both had a good laugh at his seriousness. Ah, the logic of a five-year-old.)

About To Start A Storm In A Teacup

, , , , , | Related | October 10, 2017

When I was around seven, my mom brought me to a music festival. While we were walking into the building, my mom pointed at some mint in their garden, and told me you can make tea out of it.

A couple hours later, I wanted something to drink, and tried to get a tea from the concessions stand. They didn’t have any. So, I returned outside, and got an idea. In short order, I and several other unsupervised children began pulling up as many mint plants as we could. When we’d gathered a sizable amount, I brought my bounty inside and dropped it on the concession counter. By chance, my mom was right there when I did so, and scolded me. I turned to her, confused, and declared, “But now they can make tea!

For some reason, she was less than pleased by my ingenuity, and immediately bundled me into the car. The next year, the concession stand offered tea.

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