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Should Probably Also Explain “Sick” And “Bad” While You’re At It

, , , , , | Related | January 22, 2022

My young cousin was visiting us. We keep horses on our property, but they’re mostly pets. At the time of this story, one of our horses, Ladybug, was an older mare with worsening arthritis.

Cousin: “Can we get the horses out so we can ride them?”

Mom: “No, Sandy bucks too much for kids, and Ladybug’s lame.”

Cousin: *Offended and outraged* “Ladybug is not lame!”

We explained what lameness in horses meant after that and he was much more understanding. It still makes me smile remembering how angry he was over us “insulting” her, though!

Fighting Nonsense With Nonsense

, , , , , , , | Legal | January 11, 2022

I take my kids to visit my grandparents, and while we’re there, their phone rings. My grandfather answers and after a moment…

Grandfather: “Another telemarketer scam.”

My Seven-Year-Old: “I have an idea. Can I have the phone?”

Grandfather: “Sure.”

Seven-Year-Old: *Into the phone* “BLARGH! BLAH, BLAH! RAGH! ARGH! BLARGH!”

More or less.

My seven-year-old hands the phone back to her great-grandfather.

Seven-Year-Old: “They hung up.”

I now give her the phone whenever I get an unsolicited call.

Wisdom Beyond Her Years

, , , , | Related | January 9, 2022

When my sister was in kindergarten, she had a very… fun teacher. She came home one day with this.

Sister: “[Teacher] told us she’s 164 years old!”

Mom: “Oh, that’s not true. People can’t live that long. She’s just joking with you. “

Sister: “She’s a teacher. She knows a lot more than you.”

My mom really couldn’t argue with that one!

At Least We Know This Kid Won’t Be Taken In By Scammers

, , , , , | Related | December 7, 2021

I’m about five years old and am lucky enough for both my grandmothers and one of my great-grandmothers to be alive. While I have met my great-grandmother, she lives farther away, so I am not as familiar with her as I am with my grandmother.

My mother is making dinner and has her hands full when the phone rings, so she asks me to pick it up and see who it is. It’s my great-grandmother.

Me: “Hello, [Last Name] residence. May I ask who’s calling?”

Great-Grandmother: “Hi, [My Name]! This is your grandma! How are you today?”

At this point, I decide the voice doesn’t match the voice of either my Grandma or my Oma.

Me: “You aren’t my grandma.” *Click*

Mom: “Who was that?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

The phone rings again.

Me: “Hello, [Last Name] residence. May I ask who’s calling?”

Great-Grandmother: “[My Name]! That wasn’t very nice. Why did you hang up on your grandma?”

Me: “You aren’t my grandma.” *Click*

On the third call, my mother answered, and that was the day we decided that my great-grandmother should start going by “GG”.

This Toddler Is A Whole Mood

, , , , , , | Working | December 3, 2021

I am working at home while trying to manage my young children during the health crisis. I hear the doorbell ring and look through the peephole to see a salesman who has ignored the “No Soliciting” sign as well as our local Stay At Home orders. He sees movement and begins to knock as well as ring the doorbell. I sigh and begin to look for a mask when my three-year-old, already masked, opens the door by himself.

Three-Year-Old: “Are you Amazon?”

Salesman: “No.”

My three-year-old slammed the door, and the salesman walked away!