Beautifully Weird

, , , , | Right | March 23, 2020

(I’m ringing up a couple and their son, who is about four years old. The boy keeps talking to me throughout the entire purchase. He’s very blunt and quite honestly hilarious.)

Boy: “What’s your name? You’re pretty!”

Me: “Aw, thank you! My name is [My Name].”

Boy: “That’s a weird name!”

Dad: *turns red* “No, son. Tell her it’s a beautiful name!”

Son: “It’s beautiful!” 

(I didn’t even care. I was too busy laughing.)

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Mom Isn’t Kid-ding

, , , , , | Related | March 11, 2020

According to my mom, I was, for the most part, a well-behaved child. The issue was that when I misbehaved, she had no idea how to effectively punish me. Sitting me in a chair in a corner didn’t work because I had ADHD so I’d always be squirming, rocking, bouncing, fidgeting, etc., to the point that it was painful for her just watching. Sending me to my room also didn’t work because I’m an immersive daydreamer, so I would just run around my bedroom playing out daydream scenarios regardless of whether I had toys or anything else. On that note, trying to confiscate my Beanie Babies didn’t really have much impact, either.

She brought this up to a therapist I was seeing at the time, who suggested finding out my favorite things and taking those away. So she asked me for my five favorite things, which I happily rattled off. She then told me if I misbehaved, she would take Item 1 away, then Item 2, and so on. My response?

“No, Mom, you don’t get it. Those are my favorite things; you don’t want to take them away,” I said, and then I went back to casually jabbering about my favorite things and totally failing to understand her attempts to explain that was the point of the punishment.

I am very relieved on her behalf that I was a well-behaved child so she didn’t have to discipline me often. Otherwise, I do not know how my parents would have maintained their sanity.

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When Children Pass Judgement There Is No Kidding

, , , | Friendly | March 9, 2020

(I am in the toy section of a large chain department store looking to see if anything new is available for my collection. As I look, a small girl next to me decides to speak up.)

Little Girl: “Are you getting something for your daughter?”

Me: “Nope, I’m looking for something for myself.”

(I go back to looking.)

Little Girl: “Are you a kid?”

(I’m a bit taken aback by this.)

Me: “Well, adults collect toys, too.”

Little Girl: *in a snarky tone* “Well, I’m five.”

Me: “…”

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His Knowledge Of Literature Is A Bit Soft

, , , , | Related | March 4, 2020

(I’m home for Thanksgiving during my first quarter of college; I’m 18 and my brother is eight. We’re having a meal and the conversation turns to the classes I’m taking and what I’m learning in those classes.)

Mom: “Well, [My Name], have you read anything good or found any new authors you like?”

Me: *brightly* “Ooh, I like Plato.”

Brother: “I like Play-Doh, too!”

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Poor Grandpa

, , , , , | Related | February 27, 2020

My mom has this picture of her dead mother on the wall. My younger brother always asks why she is in the picture, and my mom replies that she died since she was old.

On her dad’s birthday, they are taking out the cake and they start putting on the candles, which say that he’s 85.

“Oh, my God! Grandpa, you are so old! You have to go inside the picture and go to God!”

Mom facepalmed.

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