Clients From HellLogo-No-No
A client is looking at a logo concept created with an ink trap font.
Client: “This is horrific. There’s something wrong with it. It makes me physically sick. It makes me want to vomit.”
Me: “Got it. Thanks for that constructive feedback.”
A collection of client horror stories from designers and freelancers on CFH.
At This Rate, You’ll Be Done By Next Spring
A client commissioned me to do a watercolour painting of his Federation house which had a garden in front. I send him a photo of the final painting.
Client: “My wife doesn’t like it because the plum tree in the centre of the lawn isn’t in flower. You need to repaint the tree to how it looks in spring.”
Me: “The tree wasn’t in flower on the day I took the photos. You were both with me when I took them, and no one asked me to do the tree that way.”
Client: “Well, I am telling you now.”
Me: “Watercolour doesn’t allow you to ‘repaint the tree’ unlike acrylics or oils would. I’ll have to do the whole thing again.”
Client: “Yes.”
Nothing else… just “yes.”
Check Yourself Before You Wreck(tangle) Yourself
Client: “I decided I want one of the illustrations you already did for my logo, and I am going to use it for the background on my checks.”
Me: “A logo is usually a simple graphic used to represent your business — in your case, the book series and characters. The illustrations are a bit too detailed for that purpose. How about I simplify the characters and series title and create a logo?”
Client: “Why can’t you just shrink the picture down to the size of the check?”
Me: “The artwork is twelve inches square and proportionally will not work in a rectangle.”
Client: “Wait, hold on… You know I don’t understand you when you use those technical terms.”
Me: “By ‘proportionally’, I mean—”
Client: “No, not that word. The other one you said. It won’t work in a what?”
Me: “Rectangle?”
Client: “Yes.”
Me: “Um, a rectangle is the shape of your checkbook.”
Client: “Oh, okay.”
Has Anyone Ever Fallen For That?
Client: “Web designer seems like a sweet job.”
Me: “Yeah, it’s great.”
Client: “You probably love it so much that you would do it even if you didn’t get paid!”
Me: “Um…”
Client: “Great! So, I don’t have to pay you?”
A Charitable Definition Of “Charity”
Client: “Good God! Is this website going to be made of gold or something?”
Me: “Ahh, no. Is there something wrong with the design?”
Client: “No, it’s the price! We are a charity! You can’t make charities pay for things. You’re supposed to give them to us for free!”