I’m a web and graphic designer. I designed a flyer for one of my clients. I sent the design to her via email. It’s really hard to match colours from the screen to print, especially since monitor colours don’t match up to their local office printer. Plus, screen colours are in RGB, so there are literally some colours that are unachievable in a physical print. Usually, for exact colour matching, we have to use Pantone swatches, or when they send it for the actual print, they can sort it out and tweak it with the actual technician.

I received a call immediately, and she mentioned that she printed out the flyer on their company’s office printer. I readied myself for the usual spiel about how monitor colours don’t match the printout, etc.

Client: “Hey, I printed this out and the colours don’t match what I see on the screen.”

Me: “Yeah, don’t worry about that. Every monitor is different, and you can’t calibrate it to match your office printer. I used the exact CMYK colours for your logo and fonts.”

Client: “Well, even so, the colours look correct on screen but not when I print it out.”

Me: “I’ve used the exact CMYK colours, so you don’t have to worry about it. Your professional printer will ensure that you get the right colour.”

Client: “Yes, but the whites aren’t white enough.”

I quickly checked my file; did I leave a translucent layer on by accident? No, it was perfectly #FFFFFF. Told her that the white is as white as it can be.

Client: “Well, the white ink is not very white.”

I was stunned. Office and home printers don’t have… white ink. It’s just the white paper. Any white areas are basically just paper that hasn’t been printed on.

I tried hard to explain this concept to her, that printers don’t print the white. Regardless, she insists that they do. I tell her that it cannot be done on an office/home printer; it literally requires a separate offset printing plate that only large commercial printers use. And even then, seldom do people print white at all.

She insists that her printer does print white, and that the design I sent her simply isn’t white enough.

I tell her maybe her paper stock isn’t white? Maybe the paper itself is yellowish?

Client: “No, it’s not my paper, it’s that your white isn’t white enough. Look, I’ve used some of my liquid white-out on the paper. It’s very white. Your design is not printing the white colours properly.”

I was flabbergasted. I couldn’t laugh out loud. She literally used white-out on the print-out and complained that the correction fluid was whiter than the paper. 

Can’t really remember what happened after, but she showed her boss, and he seemed happy with the design, so everything went well, I suppose?

We are wholesale distributors of leisure and sports goods (active leisure, fishing equipment, etc). We are having an online meeting with a potential new client in a small region. We already have some clients in this region.

Client: “Well, I could think of buying from you guys only on one condition, if you do not sell to my competitors.”

He then lists his competitors in the region, and more than half of them are already our clients.

Me: “So, you would like to be exclusive to our product list in the region, am I correct?”

Client: “Yes.”

Me: “Sure, we have several exclusive partnerships in some regions. But in order for this to happen, we need to establish a contract and outline requirements: for us, the delivery and product requirements, and for you, the buying frequency and minimum amounts.”

Client: “Minimum amounts? No, I do not want to oblige. I will buy as long as I think I need, and without minimum amounts.”

Me: “I am sorry, but we already have a yearly turnover in this region of about 500,000 Euros, and it is increasing between five to ten percent every year. If you want us to make you an exclusive buyer of our product list, you need to match those numbers. We are not going to cancel 500,000 euros per year just to have some random orders.”

Client: “Oh, I see. I can’t afford 500,000 a year. I was thinking like a 500 or 1000 a month tops.”

I thanked him for his time. He is our non-exclusive client now, and makes a 10,000 euro turnover a year in that region.

I’m in a video conference call with a client. We’re going around and doing introductions. I’m the laboratory analyst and am the one working with the stuff they are sending to us. We run through the normal procedure, and I suggest some ways to move forward with their stuff to get the results they want.

Client: *Directed at my boss.* “That’s great, but what does the guy working on our stuff think?”

Boss: “The guy not working on your stuff thinks the woman working on your stuff is right.”

They were noticeably quieter in the call after that.

A client who owes me $3,000 calls with an unusual request.

Client: “Hey, I hope it’s okay, but I gave your name as a reference to another contractor.”

Me: “A reference for what?”

Client: “For our company. They wanted to know if we pay our bills on time.”

Me: “And what did you tell them to expect me to say?”

Client: “That we’re great clients who always pay promptly.”

Me: “But you currently owe me $3,000, which is ninety days overdue.”

Client: “Right, but that’s different.”

Me: “How is it different?”

Client: “That’s a cash flow issue. This other contractor wants to know about our character.”

Me: “Isn’t paying your bills part of character?”

Client: “Well, yeah, but we intend to pay you.”

Me: “When?”

Client: “Soon. Probably next month.”

Me: “You said that last month.”

Client: “Right, but this time I mean it.”

Me: “So what should I tell this other contractor?”

Client: “Just tell them we’re honest and reliable.”

Me: “Honest and reliable clients who don’t pay their invoices?”

Client: “You’re being really negative about this.”

The other contractor thanked me for my honesty.

This is a story from when I worked in title insurance and cell phones were still a relatively new thing.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [Me]. How can I help you?”

Client: “Yes, I need you to look up some policies for me.”

Me: “Okay, I’m ready.”

Sounds of papers shuffling. Then screeching tires and a horn honking.

Client: “…A**hole. Sorry, someone honking their horn at me…”

Me: “[Client], I hate to break your train of thought. But are you driving right now?”

Client: “Yeah, why?”

Me: “Okay… Let’s wait until you get to your destination before I look up these policies for you. I don’t want you getting into a wreck.”

Client: “But I need these policies before five!”

Me: “I promise I’m not going anywhere until five. So, let’s end this call, and you can call me back at my extension when you get to your office. Okay?”

Client: “…Okay.”

He hung up the call, and I lay my head on the desk for a minute. All our clients were lawyers, so you’d think he’d know better than to be on his cell phone or looking at paperwork while driving!