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A collection of client horror stories from designers and freelancers on CFH.

Failing QC In Every Possible Sense

, , , , | Right | March 30, 2024

We are doing post-production for a documentary film.

Client: “We didn’t get releases to show any of the people in these scenes. You need to obscure their faces.”

Me: “Okay, we can apply a blur and track the—”

Client: “No, that will look like COPS. We don’t like that.”

Me: “We can try darkening the faces, but it won’t look natural in the lighting—”

Client: “Just obscure the faces of everyone in these shots, but make it look natural.”

Later…

Client: “When do you make it look like a real movie?”

The film was mostly shot on cheap video cameras. We try to explain things like frame rate and depth of field to them.

Client: “What about the gamma?”

Me: “Sure. When we color correct your film, gamma is one of the things that the colorist controls—”

Client: “Yes! That. Put the gamma on it.”

Later still…

Me: “These graphical text elements you provided are outside of the title-safe area. That means they will be cut off on some TVs, and it will also fail quality control.”

Client: “That’s how we designed it. It needs to stay that way.”

Me: “Okay, but it will 100% fail QC.”

Client: “We know what we’re doing.”

Soon after delivering, we start getting panicked calls followed by a string of threatening emails.

Client: “Our text is outside of title-safe! You failed to properly explain this to us! Fix it immediately.”

Me: “We’re fully booked up today, but we’ll help you as soon as possible, of course.”

The clients showed up at our office, staged a “sit-in protest” in our lobby, and refused to leave until we dealt with them. We stayed up all night making changes to their film.

The next morning, we fired them.

That same week, they were fired by other vendors for similar reasons.

Bro, Sure, Just Make Something Up

, , , , | Right | March 29, 2024

I was working on a tri-fold brochure to showcase the benefits of partnering with the client. They asked for it to be exactly like a previous one I had made, but with different text and bullet points. Following that template, one of the folds included a large quote from an actual business partner of theirs. The quote was a glowing review, talking about how the company was a joy to work with and truly cared for its customers — a worry-free experience.

The CEO had this to say about it.

Client: “This quote sucks. This isn’t what people say. They wouldn’t really say this. They don’t care about this. You need a quote that shows that they’re going to be making a lot of money with us. That’s all they care about!”

Me: “Well… This is a real quote from [Partner]. And it does paint you in a very positive light.”

Client: “No, it sucks. Why would you even put this? Make one up that’s better. Write me something better.”

Me: “…I am extremely uncomfortable with fabricating quotes on official promotional material. That is false advertising, and I won’t do it.”

Client: “Yeah, whatever. I’ll make him give us a better quote.”

He said the last line while glaring daggers and sounding vaguely threatening. The rest of that meeting was an absolute mess, as well, wherein I realized he’d had a bad day and decided to take it out on whoever would get into a room with him, but that’s another story.

That was also the day I decided to find other work.

Who Let This Person Run A Business?

, , , , , | Right | March 28, 2024

Client: “So, just so you know… our payroll team here is quite slow.”

Me: “Okay. How does that impact my work for you?”

Client: “Well, it just means that we may not be able to pay you straight away.”

Me: “That’s okay. Your accounts team should pay my invoice directly, so there’s no need for payroll to get involved.”

Client: “No! We can’t do that! Accounts are only for physical things, like computers and paper. You’re a human and you’re providing us with a resource, which means it has to go through Human Resources and payroll. Don’t worry. You will get paid. They’re just slow. It may take two or three months before the first paycheck comes around.”

Me: “I’m not an employee here; I’m a contractor. My invoice terms are clear, and if you’re not able to abide by them, then we don’t have a deal.”

After some back-and-forth, I decide not to proceed with our arrangement.

Client: “If you walk away from our agreement, that’s illegal. I can call the police on two counts: firstly, for breaking a legally binding contract, and secondly, for asking us to pay you off the books.”

I walked away from the deal. Never heard from the police, either.

“And After Screaming For Thirty Minutes, I Fired The Client”

, , , , | Right | March 27, 2024

I work for a major graphic design agency, and my direct client is a big financial institution. A lot of the work consists of designing landing pages for them using a very limited list of elements, colors, images, and layouts. It’s up to me to use the existing files to create something to their liking every time.

We have been working on a specific site for weeks. The internal art team loved every version of the project presented to them, and I received comments like, “We love the direction this is going,” and, “Great job,” and, “You’re almost there.”

Today, I was happily working on the last set of tweaks to the site with a few hours to spare before the final presentation to the customer. 

I got an email from the external art director, who is the only direct link to the client and has been part of all previous meetings.

Client: “Hi! Great job on the design so far. Only one small detail I forgot to mention: the client doesn’t want to use any existing assets, colors, or layouts for this project. It needs to look more ‘premium’, ‘fancy’, and ‘special’. Oh, and the presentation meeting will be one hour earlier.”

It’s Giving “Mom Said No, So I’ll Ask Dad”

, , , , | Right | March 26, 2024

I’ve been the only sales representative at work for the past two days for a software development team. I get an email from our client.

Client: “Is there a price difference between [product X] and [product Y]?”

Me: “Yes. It’s [amount] plus tax.”

Then, the client calls.

Client: “Gooooood morning. Your sales representative told me that for a limited time, I can get [product Y] for the price of [product X]!”

Me: “That’s not true. The difference, again, is [amount] plus tax.”

The client emails again.

Client: “Your phone sales representative approved the lower price. Let’s go with that one. Invoice me immediately.”

I’m the only one here, though.