Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered
A collection of client horror stories from designers and freelancers on CFH.

They Won’t Know It When They Won’t See It

, , , , , | Right | December 16, 2022

I was once involved in a government review of an engineering requirements document for a Department of Defense contract. Part of the document covered the requirements for post-test analysis. This basically amounted to listing the data that would be gathered during the test and how it would be presented in a report to be used to evaluate how well the system worked. The following conversation ensued.

Government Rep: “This isn’t what I want to see for test evaluation.”

Company Rep: “Well, what do you want to see?”

Government Rep: “You’re supposed to tell us what we’ll be able to see.”

Company Rep: “Well, we have, and you’ve said it isn’t what you want to see, so we need to know what you want to see.”

Government Rep: “You’re supposed to tell us what we’ll be able to see.”

This repeated several times, with no end to the loop in sight.

Me: “If you know this isn’t what you want to see, then you must have an idea about what you do want to see.”

Government Rep: “I don’t know what I want to see, but I know it isn’t this.”

Me: “We’ve presented what we think you’ll need to see to evaluate the system. If you can’t tell us what about this is inadequate, it will be impossible for us to fix it.”

At this point, he returned to repeating his assertion that what we’d presented wasn’t what he wanted but that it was our job to tell him what he’d be able to see, and we were expected to provide him with the information he would find adequate for that purpose, without him telling us what he thought that would be.

Everyone, Everywhere, All At Once

, , , , , | Right | December 15, 2022

I’m a web developer with some… interesting clients.

Client: “I want all my friends to like my page.”

Me: “I can set up an email drop to all of them to let them know about it.”

Client: “You can do that?”

Me: “Well, yes. As long as you give me their email addresses, I can—”

Client: “So, you could email everyone?”

Me: “Yes, like I am trying to say, if you can provide—”

Client: “Like… literally everyone?”

Me: “Well, no, not literally everyone, just the email addresses you give me.”

Client: “Oh. But what if I wanted to email everyone?”

Me: “What do you mean by everyone?”

Client: “Like… everyone! Ever!”

Me: “Well… no. I don’t have everyone’s email. Also, that would be spammy.”

Client: “Oh… don’t you Internet people have everyone’s email?”

Me: “I don’t think anyone has everyone’s email.”

Client: “Oh… is there like a White Pages?”

Me: “…how about we stick to just your friends for now?”

Client: “I suppose. It’s so cool that you can email all of them at once!”

The client proceeded to send me a total of four email addresses. Two of them belonged to their parents.

After Roe V Wade, You Probably Could?

, , , , | Right | December 14, 2022

I’m a tax preparer. A client has called me to complain about her tax return.

Client: “Why wasn’t my baby claimed as a dependent on my 2021 tax return?!”

Me: “Your baby was born in 2022.”

Client: “So?”

Me: “Babies can’t be claimed until they’re born, ma’am.”

Client: “But she was still dependent on me before she was born! She was depending on me to make her! This is bulls***!”

Helicopter Dad From Hell

, , , , , | Right | December 13, 2022

I’m a wedding photographer, but a friend from high school asked me to film her wedding after the videographer she booked said he couldn’t make it. I don’t do video much at all, but I didn’t feel like I could say no. She was very sweet about it and said she’d pay well for my trouble.

The wedding itself went fine but the reception less so. My friend’s dad spent nearly all his time micromanaging any step I took.

Client’s Dad: “Hey, make sure you get a good shot of [Client] and the cake, okay?”

Me: “Of course.”

I had been standing RIGHT next to his daughter… as she prepared to cut the cake with her husband. I guess he thought I was just enjoying the view.

Later:

Client’s Dad: “Let me see what you have so far.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Client’s Dad: “Let me check your progress.”

He stood there until I conceded and showed him every clip I had.

Later in the night:

Client’s Dad: “Excuse me, but you’re too close to the dance floor.”

Me: “What?”

Client’s Dad: “You’re getting in all the pictures people are taking of the dance floor. Please move.”

It was almost like I was trying to get PROFESSIONAL FOOTAGE OF THE DANCE FLOOR.  I couldn’t believe this guy.

Finally, the night ended.

A while after the wedding, after I’d sent the bride a download link for the completed video:

Client’s Dad: “Hello, I can’t seem to print your video. Do you have another version of it or something?”

Me: “Do you mean you want to print some stills from the video? I can help you with that.”

Client’s Dad: “No, I want to print all of the video.”

Me: “…I don’t understand what you mean.”

Client’s Dad: “This is why I told [Client] not to book you. You were very unprofessional at the wedding. I’ll never recommend you to anyone after this.”

I didn’t hear from him again, and honestly, I’m okay with that.

How To End A Friendship In A Year Or Less

, , , , , | Right | December 12, 2022

I do freelance seamstress and custom costume work on the side while working at a part-time job and as an intern for a dance costume company. Back in November, the part-time job had significantly cut my hours, so I took on a few extra freelance projects to bring in money, and one of them was for a friend of mine who was looking to put together a costume.

Client: “Hey, I know people commission costumes from you sometimes. I was hoping you could maybe make a costume for me based on [Character] from [Video Game Franchise]?”

Me: “Yeah, sure. I have some time right now, and if you could give me some more details, I’m sure we could figure something out.”

She proceeded to provide me with some reference images, and we agreed on a time frame as a basic price point. We were both full-time students working part-time jobs, so I was willing to cut her a bit of a break on my labor costs, and with her permission, I looked into using materials that were a little cheaper in quality than what I usually used. I usually have the client also make a down payment of around half the price at the start of the project, but she had bills to pay, and I was naive, so we agreed on a payment plan for once the project was finished.

Just to reiterate my stupidity at the time, the project was a true full costume, including a fair dozen garment pieces, as well as some light armor and small accessories and props, and I was being paid a pittance. I cannot express how considerably low the price was for the project because I just really needed the work.

I fully broke down the pricing of the project for [Client] in a level of detail I won’t go into here, which was also explained to her in person on multiple occasions.

Me: “Okay, the cost for all of the materials will be [material cost] and the labor will be [labor cost], making the total for the project [total]. Does that work for you?”

Client: “I could definitely pay that!”

Me: “Sounds good to me. I will get the materials tomorrow, and I can start working on the project immediately. It will be done in about two weeks.”

I completed it on schedule.

Me: “Here it is! If you’re happy with the completed project and there’s nothing else to alter, your payment plan will start on [date #1] and I will be in touch.”

Client: “Everything is perfect and looks great! I love you! This means a lot, to be honest.”

After literal months of contacting her through phone and email and talking to her in person, I never saw a dime of the agreed amount, and I was beginning to get distinctly frustrated. Finally, she began actually responding to me again.

Me: “Hello, [Client], it has been nearly half a year since I made that costume for you, so I really need to figure out with you how you would like to pay.”

Client: “I completely understand. I’ve been avoiding it, and that’s really s***ty of me. How much was it again?”

Me: “We agreed on [total] as the total, but if you don’t have all of that together now, as long as we put together a detailed payment plan, I’d completely understand.”

I proceeded to brainstorm a variety of payment plans and solutions that could maybe work for her. She put together what she had of the total at the time, and we agreed that she would pay me [amount] the next day and the rest on [date #2]. I thought it was a little weird because she wanted to pay in cash, and I usually conduct business through Paypal, but I was just relieved to finally at least get back my material costs.

That night, at literally midnight she texted me with a screenshot of my original price breakdown from November.

Client: “Hey, so, like, I looked at our old messages at the price we had originally agreed on, and it was only [material cost], not [total]. I took screenshots as proof, and I promise I’m not trying to cheat you out of anything; I just really do not have the funds to pay [total].”

Me: “It’s not [material cost] because that was just the material cost; I charged you for materials and labor because I don’t work for free. That’s what the message says. [Material cost] + [labor cost] = [total]. I can get my receipts for the materials and tax paperwork for you if you want.”

Client: “Okay, you just never specified when we first agreed to the whole commission.”

Bulls***.

Client: “Honestly, if I knew the original price was gonna be [total], I wouldn’t have asked for it because I know I don’t have the funds. However, since you obviously already did it, I have to pay for it.”

Me: “I’m sorry if you misunderstood, but I definitely specified right there in the screenshot that you sent me what the cost would be.”

Client: “It’s fine. I’ll try my hardest to get it all to you.”

I had to physically go to her house the next day to get the cash from her, and after I arrived, she slammed the door in my face while I stood there, stunned. She came back a few seconds later with the amount we discussed and reiterated that I would have the rest by [date #2]. [Date #2] came, and I contacted her again to make sure she would be paying me the rest.

Me: “I haven’t heard from you, and it’s the date we agreed on, so I just wanted to ask: when do you think I’ll be able to come to get the money from you?”

Client: “Well, since I don’t have a job, my boyfriend has to help me, so I have to talk to him.”

What kind of actual human adult acts like this?

Despite my attempts, I got radio silence for the next fifteen days.

Me: “Hello. I’m checking in again because the last time I saw you, you said you’d be able to pay me back, and it has been a couple of weeks. I really need the money by [date #3]. This needs to be finished. I think I have been more than patient.”

Client: “Fine, I’ll get it.”

Yesterday, nine months after the end of the initial project, I received the remaining amount in cash and, weirdly enough, a handful of quarters, dimes, and nickels. Was all of that worth the trouble? Definitely not. Am I pleased as punch that I never have to see her again? Absolutely.

I’d like to kind of bookend this by saying that before this project and since, I have worked on a variety of projects for friends and family along with my usual freelance work, and I have never had an issue of this caliber with any of them. I’m honestly baffled by the whole thing.