My dad is a photographer, this is his most recent client:

Client: “So I need you to come and shoot some stuff in the city. We need you to get some great content shots. I don’t know how to compensate your time but if you get me some great shots it would help get more exposure on your photography!”

My Father: “I’ve been nominated three times for a Pulitzer. I’m so exposed I could be naked.”

Client: “Our website is down.”

Me: “Hmm… It’s working fine for me. Can you get on any other websites?”

Client: “No, the entire Internet is down.”

Me: “That sounds like you have something wrong with your network. You should probably call your Internet service provider.”

Client: “I thought that was you.”

Me: “No, we just designed your website. Your ISP is someone like [ISP #1] and [ISP #2]. Who do you pay for your Internet?”

Client: “Oh, that’s [ISP #1], I guess.”

Me: “Well, call them and let them know your Internet isn’t working.”

Client: “Can I call them from my cell phone?”

Me: “Sure… I don’t see why not. Why do you ask?”

Client: “Because the power in the building is off right now.”

Client: “That web form you did looks good, but the ‘Name’ field needs to be required.”

Me: “It is required. You can’t submit the form without inputting your name.”

Client: “I think you need to look at your coding. I added a name earlier, and the form still went through.”

Me: “Yes. As long as there’s a value in there, the form will submit. What’s the issue?”

Client: “My name is Colin, but when I put my name as Bob, the form still submitted.”

A client requested a graphic with text on it.

Client: “Put that line in reverse commas.”

Me: “What? Do you mean quotation marks?”

Client: “Yeah!”

Me: “Why is that in quotation marks? Who are you quoting?”

Client: “Nobody. We just like how it looks.”

Client: “There has been a mistake in the wording on the banner.”

Me: “I used the wording that you faxed to me.”

Client: “I did not send you a fax.”

Me: “Yes, you did. I have a fax that came from your office.”

Client: “I did not send you a fax. That did not happen. You must have sent that to yourself.”

Me: “I what?”

Client: “You must have sent that fax to yourself.”

Me: “From your office?”

Client: “Yeah.”