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A collection of client horror stories from designers and freelancers on CFH.

How Would That Even Work?

, , , | Right | October 1, 2022

Client: “My computer is frozen!”

Me: “What screen is it frozen on?”

Client: “The first screen, where it says, ‘Push Ctrl+Alt+Del to log in.’ I can move the mouse around, but when I push those buttons, it does nothing”

Me: “Is your keyboard plugged in?”

Client: “No, it’s a wireless keyboard.”

Me: “Have you changed the batteries?”

Client: “This thing takes batteries?! I thought it ran on satellite power.”

Holy Annoying Web Design, Batman!

, , , | Right | September 30, 2022

Client: “Can you make it so when people land on our website, it’s, like, all black with stars coming out of the screen all ‘whoosh, whoosh’—” *does the action* “—like in that screensaver?”

Me: “…”

Client: “With the music from Star Wars.”

Me: “…”

Client: “And it does that for, like, a minute, and then it stops and they have to click on one of the stars.”

Me: “Any star?”

Client: “No. No. A specific star that they’ll have to find. Make it different every time.”

Me: “…”

Client: “Then, when they find the right star, there’s like a massive explosion that the site spins out of—” *does the action* “—like in the old Batman series.”

Me: “For your company site?”

Client: “Yeah.”

Me: “The company that cleans up addicts’ used needles from parks and playgrounds?”

Client: “Yeah.”

Me: “No.”

Client: “…well, you’re not much fun.”

I Don’t Think My Brain Can Stretch That Far

, , , , | Right | September 29, 2022

Client: “The word ‘Blog’ sounds too alien.” *Does an impression with his arms* “‘Glip glorp zoop blog, I am a martian,’ if you know what I mean.”

Me: “Um, I guess I do, sure.”

Client: “There’s no humanity in it! I want people to associate our company with humanness.”

Me: “So, you want to remove the blog page?”

Client: “No, keep it. But can we call it our ‘Feelings And Opinions Space,’ instead?”

Me: “Sure. The only thing is, it’s on a ‘Blogspot’ subdomain.”

Client: “Just change that to a ‘FeelingsAndOpinionsSpot’ sub-dome-whatever. Easy, see? You just have to start thinking like me!”

Me: “…”

It’s Not A One-Time Deal

, , , | Right | September 28, 2022

Client: “Could you email me the first page of your proposal again? I printed it all out, but then I wrote all over the first page, so I need you to send it again.”

Me: “Do you still have the PDF file you printed it from?”

Client: “Yes.”

Me: “So, maybe you could just print that file again?”

Client: “Oh. You can do that?! Since when?”

You’re Gonna Have To Get More Specific

, , , | Right | September 27, 2022

Client: “When I Google ‘Open Sundays’, our company website doesn’t even come up.”

Me: “Why would it?”

Client: “Uh, because we’re open Sundays. Obviously.”

Me: “There are a lot of places that are open on Sunday, though.”

Client: “But I wasn’t looking for those other sites; I was looking for ours. Are you even paying attention?!”