Client: “Your rates are too high! I’ll do the design myself, and then you can do the implementation.”

Me: “Okay, that’s fine. Just send me the files when you’re finished.”

Client: “Just one question: how many centimeters is a pixel?”

I create wall art and murals. I am talking to a client about doing the outside wall of their nursery.

Client: “Oh, and I want a big painting with Moana, the sisters from Frozen, and that Encanto girl who wears the glasses.”

Me: “I don’t think that would be a good idea. Those are copyrighted characters.”

Client: “Oh, they’ll never notice a small nursery like ours!”

Me: “Are you kidding? This is Disney. They probably have their lawyers on their way to our houses right now.”

An old client recently changed his Facebook to Timeline, the newest interface.

Client: “Help! My Facebook has gone all funny! Can you fix it?”

Me: “No, I can’t.”

Client: “Well, what kind of designer are you?”

Me: “One that makes a lot less than the ones who work for Facebook.”

Client: “So you are saying you won’t fix Facebook for me.”

Me: “Sorry, no.”

Client: “How much to design a new one?”

Me: “A new page?”

Client: “A new Facebook.”

Client: “Can you make this blue redder?”

Me: “Like, purple?”

Client: “No. A red-blue. Or even a blue-red. Are you colour blind?”

Client: “I don’t like any of the logos my current designer did and I want you to see what you can come up with.”

Me: “Great, I’ll have some concepts ready for you next week.”

Client: “Oh, do you do any writing?”

Me: “Yeah, what do you need?”

Client: “This would have to be for free. I need you to use my Outlook to email the other designer and tell her that I don’t like her work.”