An old client recently changed his Facebook to Timeline, the newest interface.
Client: “Help! My Facebook has gone all funny! Can you fix it?”
Me: “No, I can’t.”
Client: “Well, what kind of designer are you?”
Me: “One that makes a lot less than the ones who work for Facebook.”
Client: “So you are saying you won’t fix Facebook for me.”
Me: “Sorry, no.”
Client: “How much to design a new one?”
Me: “A new page?”
Client: “A new Facebook.”
Client: “Can you make this blue redder?”
Me: “Like, purple?”
Client: “No. A red-blue. Or even a blue-red. Are you colour blind?”
Client: “I don’t like any of the logos my current designer did and I want you to see what you can come up with.”
Me: “Great, I’ll have some concepts ready for you next week.”
Client: “Oh, do you do any writing?”
Me: “Yeah, what do you need?”
Client: “This would have to be for free. I need you to use my Outlook to email the other designer and tell her that I don’t like her work.”
I work for a roofing company. I am heading to a client’s home a week after we have finished installing his new roof. This is a normal inspection to sign off, but I also need to double-check the installation as our area suffered a major storm a few days earlier and a lot of houses have been damaged.
I am walking onto the site when the client comes rushing up to me.
Client: “You! You need to talk to my insurance company about the roof!”
Me: “Okay, let’s inspect the storm damage and I would be happy to provide a professional assessment.”
Client: “What storm damage?! There isn’t any! Your g**d*** roof didn’t lose a single tile in the storm!”
Me: “Oh. And that’s… bad?”
Client: “Terrible! My insurer won’t pay out because there’s no roof damage, and it’s all your fault! What are you going to do about it?! Hmm?”
Me: “Get you to say all that again on camera for our site?”
Client: “We want more Likes on Facebook. We share our page five to seven times a day and nothing.”
Me: “Where do you share it?”
Client: “On our wall.”
Me: “Well, that is not a surprise, since only the people that already Liked your page can see that post.”
Client: “Where do I share it?”
Me: “Anywhere else possible.”
Client: “Oh, I see! Thanks!”
He then shared it on my timeline… five to seven times.
Clients From Hell
