A couple of years ago, I was asked to write copy for a start-up’s website. The client wasn’t sure what they wanted, and in the course of “taking the brief,” it became clear that they also hadn’t worked out who their business was aimed at. I spent a lot of time getting them to focus on target customers, market sectors, and so on.

Once this was done, I wrote the copy and sent them my invoice.

Client: “I don’t think I should have to pay for this.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Client: “We spent too much time answering questions beforehand.”

Client: “I am quite disappointed in that print of your photo. I need a refund!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear about your disappointment, but I don’t usually do refunds on prints unless the print was damaged during shipping. Can you tell me what is wrong with yours?”

Client: “Well, when looking closer, it’s all blurry and this big watermark is ugly.”

Me: “Watermark? My prints are signed on a corner, but there are no watermarks.”

Client: “Yes, there is one! It says, ‘[My Name], photographer,’ exactly like the ones on your website!”

It turned out that this “client” downloaded a photo from my website (about 1000 by 670px, with a watermark) and had it printed somewhere online at a far too big scale… and then wanted a refund on it.

Client: “We would like a fully interactive website for our members. We have already created a lot of the content, and we have put together a couple of CDs full of images from our archives for you to choose from. However, one thing that annoys me about websites is this whole ‘scrolling’ thing. I find scrolling really annoying. Would it be possible for you to build a site that doesn’t scroll?”

Me: “Um, I’m not sure I understand. Do you mean when the page is too wide and you have to scroll right to read all the text?”

Client: “No, I mean scrolling down the page.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond. At this point, the client’s secretary interjected to point out to the client that websites have to scroll or they don’t really work.

Client: “Yes, but our brochures don’t scroll, and they contain lots of information.”

The secretary and I stared, speechless.

Client: “Well, okay. We can come back to that later.”

The client finally got the new site, and even though you had to scroll, was very pleased with it.

My client, a marketing director, tends to be very particular about consistency in point sizes across various pieces.  

Me: “I can’t get this headline to wrap properly!”

Client: “What about rewording it to fit?”

Me: “I’ve tried that; nothing seems to make it fit.”

Client: “Just make the point size bigger.”

One of the other designers at the table points out that it will break the consistency across the ads.

Client: “Consistency doesn’t mean doing the same thing all the time.”

No one knew how to respond to that.

I was working on-site for a client for several months. He then started questioning every point of the invoice.

Client: “I didn’t see you on Wednesday, so I am not going to pay you for it.”

Me: “I was here; you didn’t see me because you weren’t in the office on Wednesday.”

It was at this point that I decided to cease our relationship.