Client: “That web form you did looks good, but the ‘Name’ field needs to be required.”

Me: “It is required. You can’t submit the form without inputting your name.”

Client: “I think you need to look at your coding. I added a name earlier, and the form still went through.”

Me: “Yes. As long as there’s a value in there, the form will submit. What’s the issue?”

Client: “My name is Colin, but when I put my name as Bob, the form still submitted.”

A client requested a graphic with text on it.

Client: “Put that line in reverse commas.”

Me: “What? Do you mean quotation marks?”

Client: “Yeah!”

Me: “Why is that in quotation marks? Who are you quoting?”

Client: “Nobody. We just like how it looks.”

Client: “There has been a mistake in the wording on the banner.”

Me: “I used the wording that you faxed to me.”

Client: “I did not send you a fax.”

Me: “Yes, you did. I have a fax that came from your office.”

Client: “I did not send you a fax. That did not happen. You must have sent that to yourself.”

Me: “I what?”

Client: “You must have sent that fax to yourself.”

Me: “From your office?”

Client: “Yeah.”

I ask a client for the photos for their website. One month later, I repeat my request. A few months later, still no closer to the project’s final milestone, I send yet another request.

Client: “I’ve had them for six months. You just haven’t asked for them.”

Me: “I asked before you took the photos and after you said you had them.”

I forward the client copies of these correspondences.

Client: “Oh, I haven’t read my personal email in five months.”

This entire conversation was taking place via that email address.

I work for a software company. I had a conversation with one of our clients regarding setting up a billing rate for an entire year. This was after twenty minutes of trying to convince them that 1/1/11 to 12/31/11 was a full year and that they were the correct start and end dates.

Client: “This isn’t making any sense! They can’t end in the same year if it’s a full year between the two dates!”

Me: “Yes, in this situation it can, because the dates are the first and last days of the year.”

Client: “This is unacceptable! What do I tell my boss?”

Me: “I’m sure they’ll understand.”

Client: “If I won’t, then they won’t!”

Me: “Sir, if no one in your company is familiar with how a calendar works, I’d be very surprised.”

They took it to their boss, and I didn’t hear back. I guess they got it!