Client: “Can you put a link in the top corner that says, ‘Follow us on Tweeter.’?”

Me: “You mean Twitter?”

Client: “Let me just check. I’m pretty sure it’s Tweeter, though.”

Me: “See on the page where it says, ‘Connect with us’?”

Client: “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down with the web lingo. I don’t speak web. Now… What?”

Me: “…See on the page where it says, ‘Connect with us’?”

Me: “To illustrate the fact that you’ve been around for twenty-five years and your business has grown a lot since then, I figure we can use old photos of your small team back then, fading into the new, expanded team.”

Client: “Yeeeeah, I don’t think our employees are… Ya know? They’re not good-looking enough. They’re not…”

Me: “Models?”

Client: “How much would 150 models be?”

Me: “$120 a pop, per day, bare minimum.”

Client: “Okay, well, what if we just bought one really hot one to be our spokesperson?”

Me: “We’re trying to build trust, remember?”

Client: “Yeah, but who’s not gonna buy from a super hot model?”

I’m on the phone with a client.

Me: “Are you busy right now?”

Client: “Sort of. I’m just checking the traffic in and out of our business.”

Me: “Oh, good. We’ve been having a good couple of weeks, haven’t we? What kind of figures are you seeing?”

Client: “No one so far.”

Me: “That’s impossible. I checked Google Analytics the other day.”

Client: “Yeah, I’m just using Street View.”

Me: “Street View?”

Client: “On Google Maps. Just checking to see who’s coming and going.”

Me: “That’s an image, not a live video.”

Client: “Phew!”

My client wanted something like a coat of arms for his logo. I showed him one with a lion.

Client: “It’s been done before. We want to be unique.”

So, I showed him one with a tiger, instead.

Client: “Not that unique. Tigers don’t belong on a coat of arms. Can’t we find a middle ground?”

A week later, tired of redesigning the logo, I just literally found a middle ground: I sent him one with a liger.