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A collection of client horror stories from designers and freelancers on CFH.

You’re Not Dissuading People Of Their Native Opinions Here

, , , | Right | January 24, 2022

I’m meeting with a client for the first time to discuss a project.

Client: “So, are you—” *whispers* “—Native American?”

Me: “Yes.”

Client: “Wow, what percentage?”

Me: “100%.”

Client: “Wow. So, does that mean both of your parents were—” *whispers* “—Natives? Wow. What tribe?”

Me: “Navajo.”

Client: “Hmm, I’ve never heard of them. Is that like Cherokee or Muckleshoot?”

Me: “Navajo, as in the code-talkers of World War II. Ever heard of them?”

Client: “No. Weird. I’m really interested in this because I do Native American things, too. Everyone just thinks I’m stoned.”

The client then stood up and walked away. We never even got to discuss the project.

Maybe You Should’ve Just Hired A Model

, , | Right | January 23, 2022

Client: “Hey, can you retouch photos? I’ve got my album cover photo, but it needs some minor touch-ups. Zits and stuff.”

Me: “Sure, let me take a look.”

Client: “So, just remove that blemish on my nose and the zit on my forehead.”

Me: “No problem.”

Client: “Also, I forgot to shave, so take care of my stubble.”

Me: “Stubble’s not the easiest thing to remove—”

Client: “Ah, well, my sideburns and hairstyle could use some help, too.”

Me: “Well—”

Client: “And how do you think I’d look with sunglasses and different clothes? You know, this is getting ridiculous. Just let me see some options.”

Don’t Tell This Client About Joseph’s Coat

, , , , | Right | January 22, 2022

I am helping a client with a design.

Client: “I don’t know… I don’t like the blue and white together.”

Me: “What’s the problem with the colors?”

Client: “It looks Argentinean.”

Me: “So?”

Client: “The new Pope is Argentinean and we are not a religious firm. So, please, change all the colors.”

Don’t You Speak Asian?, Part 6

, , , | Right | January 21, 2022

I was working as a producer for a client who brought in a pool of actors they wanted to use in an upcoming production.

Me: “I noticed you have some Asian talent in the headshots you sent us. Do you know what ethnicity they are?”

Client: “I think this one is Japanese, this one, I think, is Cambodian, and this girl may be Korean.”

Me: “Do any of them speak their native language?”

Client: “I think they all speak a little Asian, yeah.”

Related:
Don’t You Speak Asian?, Part 5
Don’t You Speak Asian?, Part 4
Don’t You Speak Asian?, Part 3
Don’t You Speak Asian?, Part 2
Don’t You Speak Asian?

Time To Re-Fresh Your Slang Lexicon

, , | Right | January 20, 2022

Me: “Just a heads-up, if you log onto our website, you can see that the site is down. My publisher has been unreliable and I am working as quickly as I can to get the site back up. I’m so sorry for this; I’ll let you know when the article is posted as soon as possible.”

Client: “Okay. What’s the website again? Sorry.”

I give him the URL.

Client: “Hey, it says the page is broken!”

Me: “I just told you it’s down.”

Client: “I thought you meant it’s down like ‘fresh’! I won’t have this!”