A thirty-ish woman has a clothing store with a dark and black motif. She needs some regular flyers. I proposed a somewhat obvious and fitting all-black design with the name on it and some information at the bottom. She called it “elegant”.

Client: “Hi, [My Name], thanks for the flyers! I got myself a printer. Could you send me the file so I can print them?”

Me: “Sure, after the monies are settled, I’ll email you the PNG file so you can print two on each page.”

Client: “Okay, great! Just one thing: since I want to save some ink, I bought some black paper. I just need you to send me the file with only the white in it; make all the black transparent.”

In the end, we had to send it to an external printer, but not before we had to do what she asked and she made a few attempts!

A client is giving me feedback about a sales flyer I am creating for them.

Client: “Can you get rid of all the little dots? They’re going to confuse people.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t see what you mean. What little dots?”

Client: “All these little dots with the words! They’re confusing!”

He points at a few, and I feel the need to clarify.

Me: “Sorry, do you mean the periods?”

Client: “Whatever you call them.”

And that was the day I had to explain to the vice president of a newspaper company what a period was.

I do web design for clients. I have a client for whom I have completed the design, and they call me up months later.

Client: “We paid you all that money for the new website!”

Me: “Yes, that’s right.”

Client: “So why are you still charging us?!”

Me: “We’re not. What charges are you seeing?”

Client: “Every month, we pay these [Web Hosting Company] fees!”

Me: “I explained to you that you would need to pay for web hosting. That’s not something that we do.”

Client: “Wait. You mean, like, every month?”

Me: “Yes, every month.”

Client: “That’s ridiculous! I’m canceling the [Web Hosting Company] thing!”

Me: “You’re certainly allowed to do that, but remember, they’re the ones hosting your site.”

They hang up. A month later:

Client: “Our website is down! What did you do?!”

Sigh…

I am working at a small marketing agency. They have the client sit right next to me as I am working, even though the project isn’t even ready to be shown.

I never really have time to actually finish any task before the client comes rushing in to micro-manage the entire thing.

I know things are going to get spicy on the very first day.

Client: “Why’s there a picture of a car?! That’s not what I want!”

Me: “That’s just my computer’s wallpaper.”

Client: “And that’s not my logo! I don’t like that orange!”

Me: “Sir, that’s just Illustrator starting up; I haven’t started anything yet.”

Client: “Well, I’m not paying for this wasted time!”

I told my bosses I was never working like that ever again.

I work at a legal office, and we represent injured people. Usually, communication is easy… but in this case, not so much.

Me: “If you would like us to move forward with your case, we will need to make a counteroffer. I have attached a document that gives us the authority to make a counteroffer in your case.”

Client: “You have to send me a new document. The one you sent says it will settle my case now.”

Me: “That is correct. We cannot make a counteroffer without the authority to settle the case on your behalf.”

The client faxed us the document. The next day:

Me: “You will be pleased to know that the defendant accepted our counteroffer and we were able to settle your case.”

Client: “What? I never said you could settle my case! I said to move forward with an offer. You tricked me!”

Me: “I apologize for any confusion, but you indicated to us that we had your permission to make an offer on your behalf. You also signed a directive to that effect. Please note that the offer we made is significantly higher than what you were expecting to get in the first place.”

Client: “You never said you were going to settle! You are fired.”

I don’t think he understands that if you make a counteroffer, and someone accepts it, then that’s a settlement.