Client: “There has been a mistake in the wording on the banner.”

Me: “I used the wording that you faxed to me.”

Client: “I did not send you a fax.”

Me: “Yes, you did. I have a fax that came from your office.”

Client: “I did not send you a fax. That did not happen. You must have sent that to yourself.”

Me: “I what?”

Client: “You must have sent that fax to yourself.”

Me: “From your office?”

Client: “Yeah.”

I ask a client for the photos for their website. One month later, I repeat my request. A few months later, still no closer to the project’s final milestone, I send yet another request.

Client: “I’ve had them for six months. You just haven’t asked for them.”

Me: “I asked before you took the photos and after you said you had them.”

I forward the client copies of these correspondences.

Client: “Oh, I haven’t read my personal email in five months.”

This entire conversation was taking place via that email address.

I work for a software company. I had a conversation with one of our clients regarding setting up a billing rate for an entire year. This was after twenty minutes of trying to convince them that 1/1/11 to 12/31/11 was a full year and that they were the correct start and end dates.

Client: “This isn’t making any sense! They can’t end in the same year if it’s a full year between the two dates!”

Me: “Yes, in this situation it can, because the dates are the first and last days of the year.”

Client: “This is unacceptable! What do I tell my boss?”

Me: “I’m sure they’ll understand.”

Client: “If I won’t, then they won’t!”

Me: “Sir, if no one in your company is familiar with how a calendar works, I’d be very surprised.”

They took it to their boss, and I didn’t hear back. I guess they got it!

I’ve created a printed document based on a client’s Word document. I’m also a web designer, but I am not involved with the client’s website.

Client: “We need to put that content online, so can you please convert the text to a JPEG?”

Me: “But if you convert the text to an image, visitors to your site can’t copy and paste the information. Also, posting text as an image doesn’t conform to the government regulations regarding web accessibility that your organisation is required to adhere to.”

Client: “Why can’t they copy and paste the text from a JPEG?”

Me: “It doesn’t work that way. Also, the text will be inaccessible to users with disabilities. Why don’t you just copy the text from your document and paste it into your content management system (CMS)?”

Client: “I only know how to upload images in the CMS. How about a PNG?”

I’m meeting with a company owner who is ecstatic about having me make a video walkthrough of his building and some of the products.

Owner: “I need this on short notice: two weeks.”

Me: “Why not? I’m not busy for that timespan.”

During the first scheduled meeting to discuss the needs of the project, which takes place at their business, the owner of the company is over thirty minutes late. Still, we get underway, a brief is created, and I make a video. I put it up on YouTube so they can view it on their own time.

I email the owner and investor the link and ask them to reply telling me they’ve gotten it.

Two days after I upload the video, I get an email from the investor that just says:

Investor: “Interesting! I will discuss it with [Owner] on Tuesday.”

After two weeks of silence, I got an email asking me where the project stood.

The investor’s single view on the video had remained unchanged since the second day. I (politely) cut ties with the company and suggested they find someone else to work with.