Client: “I have a photograph of an old car of mine I’d like you to retouch for me. Can you do that?”

Me: “Sure! Just bring in the photo, and we’ll scan it in and see what we can do.”

A few days later, the man comes back and hands me the photo of his car he wants me to retouch.

Me: “I think you might have handed me the wrong image. This is a photo of a barn.”

Client: “No, that’s the right one. My car is parked behind the barn. You’ll need to edit out the barn so you can see my car.”

Client: “We don’t like our logo. Do you think you can change it and put the name of our product in a cool font while doing our label?”

Me: “Of course, but I will have to charge you extra because I’ll be redesigning your logo.”

Client: “But we don’t want a logo. We don’t want to pay you more. Just use a good font to replace our current logo.”

Me: “That counts as a typographic logo.”

Client: “No, it doesn’t.”

I work in a call center for a well-known cable/broadband provider. An older woman calls about her TV not working properly.

Client: “I cannot get a picture on my TV.”

Me: “Is it just black, or are there some numbers or text on the screen?”

Client: “No picture, but I can see the clock telling me what time it is.”

Me: “Okay. There should be some buttons on the side to change the channel or input. Do you see those buttons?”

Client: “I don’t see anything about the channel, but there are buttons.”

Me: “What buttons do you see?”

Client: “Well, I see ‘Time’, ‘Start/Stop’, and ‘Defrost’…”

Me: “Ma’am, are you looking at your microwave?”

Client: “…Oh, dear. I hope not.”

Client: “Your website is not working. It isn’t resetting my password!”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am, I can reset it for you right now… All right, I’ve reset your password to the word ‘password’.”

Client: “Let me try it before you hang up.”

Me: “Sounds good.”

Client: “Nope! This d*** thing isn’t working!”

Me: “Hmm. Okay, I’ll reset it again… Try now.”

Client: “It still isn’t working, for— D***… S***… What kind of rinky-dink operation are you running over there?!”

Me: “Ma’am, maybe we should go over how you’re spelling ‘password’?”

Client: “Don’t patronize me! P-A-S-W-O-R-D… Happy?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I haven’t been happy for a while…”

I have a client on the phone trying to schedule an appointment. He should have called to make the appointment six weeks ago, but he didn’t, and he’s mad at me for his mistake.

He mumbles several words, and when I ask him to repeat himself, he SLOWS. DOWN. AND. YELLS. EACH. WORD, which everyone loves, of course.

After several minutes of him slow-yelling and getting more and more upset that I don’t have any appointments for six weeks, he snaps:

Client: “Well, you’re very helpful!”

Me: “And you’re very pleasant!”

Client: *Stutters.* “Well… it’s not my fault that I didn’t make the appointment!”

It totally is.

Me: “You might have more luck with one of our other locations.”

The best part is I knew they were booked out eight weeks, but I didn’t tell him. 

Related:
About To Be Dis-Appointed, Part 9
About To Be Dis-Appointed, Part 8
About To Be Dis-Appointed, Part 7
About To Be Dis-Appointed, Part 6
About To Be Dis-Appointed, Part 5