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We Should Totally Just Drug Grandma! (Not Really)

, , , , , , , | Related | October 12, 2021

CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

 

I submitted this story. Grandma is up to her tricks again.

One of our cats figured out that if she puts her toys on the track for Grandma’s stairlift, it acts like a slide. This same cat also found and stole a bunch of pipe cleaners my mom had planned on using in her classroom. One day, Grandma wants to come downstairs but her stairlift isn’t working. My dad figures a cat toy is probably jammed in there — not the first time that’s happened — and tries to get it unstuck. It still doesn’t work. Dad tries a few things over the weekend but he can’t fix it. He calls a guy on Monday to come out and look at it later that week. The guy finds that a pipe cleaner has slid in and the metal part touched something and shorted out something electrical. He has to order a part, though, so Grandma is stuck upstairs for at least another week.

Grandma barely leaves her bedroom. It’s actually rather pleasant downstairs, especially at mealtimes. Dad brings her food every day so she doesn’t starve and we don’t have to put up with her. But she starts to get stir-crazy and her behavior gets more extreme as time goes on.

Because Grandma is barely moving, she starts to develop muscle cramps in her legs. A normal person might try stretching or doing a few laps in the hallway upstairs. Not my grandmother. She calls her doctor and gets a prescription for Percocet. She takes one pill, decides it doesn’t work, and schedules another video appointment with the doctor.

My dad is working from home right now, but Grandma doesn’t understand, no matter how many times he explains it to her, that just because he is home, it does not mean he can jump up whenever she calls. Dad gets up super early and finishes his work by 2:00 pm every day. He tells her to schedule her appointments for after 2:00 so he can help her set up the video call. She schedules the second appointment for 11:00 am. When her appointment time arrives, she calls the house phone downstairs and tells him to help her. He says he’s in a meeting and can’t right now. She calls my uncle — Dad’s brother — and says Dad is refusing to help her with her doctor’s appointment. My uncle calls Dad and is like, “what the heck are you doing?” and comes over to help her. The doctor prescribes her Tylenol with tramadol. Once again, she takes one pill and decides it doesn’t work.

The night before her stairlift is supposed to be fixed, she calls the house phone around 9:00 pm. She wants us to take her to the ER so she can get a shot for her pain because “the last shot I got lasted me nine months.” Dad points out that her stairlift is still broken and she can’t get downstairs.

Grandma: “I’m having shooting pain down my legs. I have to go to the hospital. Call 911 and they’ll carry me downstairs.”

Dad: “I’m not calling 911 just so they can carry you downstairs. Did you try Advil?”

Grandma: “No, I can’t take Advil because the doctor wants me to take acetaminophen and you can’t mix those drugs.”

Dad: “When was the last time you took acetaminophen?”

Grandma: “Yesterday. Just call 911 so they can take me to the hospital.”

Dad: “First, how do you plan on paying for this trip? Second, how do you expect to get home?”

Grandma: “They’ll bring me back once I’m done.”

Dad: “No, they won’t. You need to move around some. That will help. But if you really want to go to the hospital, then you can call 911.”

Miraculously, her pain suddenly wasn’t that bad. And sure enough, once the stairlift was fixed and she was able to go downstairs, she started moving around more and she wasn’t in any more pain. And so ends a lovely three weeks without Grandma.

Related:
We Should Totally Just Stab Caesar! (Salad), Part 2
We Should Totally Just Stab Caesar! (Salad)

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Can We Get A Refill On Your Brain Prescription?

, , , , | Working | October 26, 2020

I drop off a prescription at my pharmacy. Instead of giving me a number, they’re slow enough to tell me I can just queue up again after twenty minutes and it’ll be ready. I give it thirty, and when I get back in line they have several customers ahead of me who all have difficult problems, meaning by now they certainly have had enough time to fill it. Finally, it’s my turn.

Me: “Hi, I’m picking up a prescription.”

I give the relevant information.

Employee: “Okay, let me look that up… It says you don’t have any refills left.”

Me: “Uh, yeah, that’s true. I brought in a new prescription.”

Employee: “What was the last name again?”

Me: “[My Last Name].”

Employee: “First name?”

Me: “[My First Name].”

Employee: “Picking up [medication]?”

Me: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Employee: “You don’t have any refills left. See?”

She shows me the computer screen, which indeed is telling me I have no refills left.

Me: “I know I don’t have any refills left. That’s why I went to my doctor and had my doctor write me a new prescription, and then I brought that prescription here to be filled.”

Employee: “You brought in a new prescription? When?”

Me: “About… forty, maybe forty-five minutes ago at this point.”

Employee: “Who’d you give it to?”

Me: “Uh… Whoever was at the drop-off counter; I don’t really remember who it was.”

The employee leaves for another five minutes and finds my prescription.

Employee: “Okay, we found it.”

Me: “Great.”

Employee: “It’ll be twenty minutes before it’s ready.”

Me: “Of course it will.”

Fortunately, this time, they actually filled it.

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The Medicinal Value Of Good Vibes

, , , , | Healthy | CREDIT: oreoltbozo | September 18, 2020

A customer comes in wanting her two prescriptions filled.

Me: “That’ll be about fifteen minutes.

The customer and her husband go wait in the waiting area. I help other customers, answer phones, finally get to counting out her prescriptions. After the pharmacist double-checks the prescription, the medicine, and the count I go and ring up the customer.

Customer: “I want to look at the medicine before getting them.”

She takes them out of the bag and puts them out on the counter, but doesn’t open the lids like other patients do when they ask to see the medicine. She then pulls out a small velvet bag from her bag and pulls out a clear crystal on a string. She hovers it over each bottle for thirty seconds.

Customer: “They have good energy; I’ll get them.”

The whole time I just stared at her looking at her wide-eyed not saying a thing, I just put the bottles back in the back and rung her up. I guess I’m glad our pharmacy had good energy?

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Sick Over A Dollar

, , , , , | Right | January 27, 2019

(At our pharmacy, a particular woman has called in three times this week, asking about her prescription prices and wanting to switch stores, calling us terrible, saying we hate her because we overprice her meds, etc. I had the luck to deal with each phone call. Near closing time, I recognize her voice as I’m checking her out.)

Customer: “Why is my prescription $10? Last time it was $9.”

Me: “It looks like the type of discount card you have says you can only use it six times for this particular medication before it runs out.” *I point out where it’s written on the computer screen, even though I already told her this earlier when she called*

Customer: “Well… well, your $4 list says this should only be $4 for a month’s supply!”

Me: “If you look here, our state has a minimum price on this medication that we can’t go under. Without insurance, we have to charge $10.”

Customer: “You’re a bunch of liars. That’s false advertising. That doesn’t make sense.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I thought we had already talked about this over the phone. That’s something our store can’t change; it’s a state requirement.”

Customer: “You mean I could go to Jersey and get it cheaper?”

Me: “New Jersey’s not on the list, so it’s possible. I know you’ve switched a few of your prescriptions to other stores—“

Customer: “You guys are all snakes. This is ridiculous. It shouldn’t be $10.”

Me: “If you like, I can put the prescription back and you can try to get it filled somewhere else.”

Customer: “NO! I will DIE without my medication TONIGHT.” *this was not a drug that would harm you, even if you stopped taking it for over a week* “I need this NOW. Just give me it.”

Me: *quietly hands her the bag after she’s done throwing her change down on the counter at me*

Customer: “I hope you’re happy. I hope you know you’re scamming me and getting away with it. I could’ve needed that extra dollar. Karma will get you and you’re going to go to Hell.”

(The kicker is she called the next day and complained about me being a b**** and saying I was trying to withhold her medication. The lead pharmacist was on that night, and knew she was the irrational one.)

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Don’t Do Drugs, Hers Specifically

, , , | Healthy Right | November 17, 2018

(I am a medical assistant in a family medicine clinic. We often have difficulty with refills for patients, but this was a memorable one. Note: the patient is elderly so I was trying to be really patient and understanding!)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Clinic]. How may I help you?”

Patient: “I need to find out which medications Dr. [Name] refilled at my last appointment.”

Me: “It looks she filled two: [Medication #1] was sent to your mail order pharmacy, and [Medication #2] was sent to your local pharmacy.”

Patient: “I didn’t need [Medication #1] refilled!”

Me: “I am sorry about that. Which medications are you needing refilled today?”

Patient: “All of them.”

(I start to go through her list.)

Me: “How about [Medication #3]?”

Patient: “I don’t need that one.”

Me: “How about [Medication #4]?”

Patient: “I don’t need that one, either.”

(This repeats several times.)

Patient: “I just need the ones I take regularly.”

Me: “Well, you only have two medications that you take daily, and [Medication #1] was filled last month. Are you needing [Medication #5]? I can refill that for you, though our records show you should have about ten months of refills at your mail order pharmacy.”

Patient: “I don’t know what that is. Just fill all of them for me!”

Me: “I don’t know which ones you are needing; it looks like you have refills on all of your regular medications.”

Patient: “Just ask Dr. [Name]. She’ll know what I need.”

Me: “I have your list in front of me, she won’t know more about what you need refilled than I do.”

Patient: “I’m trying to bake a pie. Just call me when you figure it out.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but I don’t know how to help you as I’m not sure what you need.”

Patient: “Fine, I’ll call you back later. Try to figure it out for me.”

(This was one time, that while frustrating, I actually felt really bad that I couldn’t help her! She wasn’t particularly rude, just confused.)

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