The Perks Of A Babyface

, , , , | Working | April 2, 2021

I work in a factory and lift very heavy things all day. One day, the machine required for my job breaks down. As we wait for it to be fixed, I have to load parts up onto a cart and run it to an identical machine on the other side, unload them, test them to ensure they work, and then load them back up. As I get to the machine, one of the Vietnamese ladies who works on that line comes over. She has a fairly heavy accent but is easy to understand.

Coworker: “No, no, you go there to work. Don’t worry.”

She unloads the parts for me and then loads them back up. With the help, I’m able to get done a lot faster.

Me: “Hey, thanks, but you didn’t have to come help. I had it.”

Coworker: “No, you shouldn’t lift things this heavy! I keep telling them, you’re a little girl; you shouldn’t lift heavy things like this.”

The way she says it sounds like she’s worried I’m too frail.

Me: “But [Coworker] I’m bigger than you.”

Coworker: “No, no, I mean… ah, it’s… you’re… you’re little!”

She motions with her hands to indicate the size of a child.

Me: “Oh! I’m too young!”

Coworker: “Yes! Too little, shouldn’t be lifting heavy things like this, right out of school.”

Me: “That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said while I’ve been here. I’m thirty-four.”

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I’m More Into Pinot Noir, Personally

, , , | Right | CREDIT: ia_98 | March 31, 2021

I work in a health and beauty store that sells perfume and aftershave. A customer walks in.

Customer: “Hi, do you sell aftershave?”

I’m standing directly in front of a wall of men’s fragrance.

Me: “Yes. Were you after something in particular?”

Customer: “Great! Do you have sauvignon blanc?”

Me: “Um. No?”

Customer: “Okay, no problem.”

He leaves before I can say another word.

Me: *To my coworker* “Did he—”

Coworker: “Yes.”

Me: “Like the wine?”

Coworker: “Yeah, that’s what he said.”

Me: “How many perfume shops do you think he’ll go through before someone tells him?”

Ten minutes later…

Coworker: “Oh, my God, did he mean Dior Sauvage?”

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“Sixteen Candle Holder Refills” Doesn’t Have The Same Ring To It

, , , , , | Right | March 29, 2021

Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell refills for candle holders?”

After a brief pause to process the question:

Me: “Do you mean candles?”

Customer: *Pauses* “Yes.”

Me: “Let me show you where they are.”

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How About Next Time Use Some Conjunctions?

, , , | Right | March 29, 2021

I’m a shopper for online order pickup and delivery, so I’m in an aisle with a few customers gathering the items for my orders. An older lady pokes her head down the end of the aisle and shouts.

Old Lady: “Honey!”

I figure she is talking to her husband or a grandchild shopping nearby. After a couple of minutes:

Old Lady: “Honey!”

I look at her.

Me: “Are you talking to me?”

Old Lady: “Hooonnnnneeeyyyyyy!”

She speaks very slow and drawn out.

Me: “What can I help you with?”

Old Lady: “Where is the HON-EY?!”

Oh, I see. I tell her the aisle number and off she goes. The customer who had been shopping closest to me and listening to the whole exchange, tells me:

Other Customer: “I thought she was calling you, ‘Honey!’”

Me: “Yeah! Me, too!”

I’d later have customers come up and just say “cereal” or “orange juice” to find out what aisle they needed, but so many people here call others “Honey,” it’s a confusing one for sure.

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The Fabric Of Religion Is No Joke

, , , | Right | March 26, 2021

This is a question I get annoyingly often while putting fabric away; this is the one time I decide to have a little fun with it since the customer seems friendly enough to not presume I’m trying to just get rid of her.

Customer: “Hey! Where’re your Muslims?”

I am smiling widely, thinking the joke is obvious and knowing she’s looking for muslin.

Me: “Have you checked your local mosque?”

The customer looks at me blankly and a few seconds of awkward silence happen.

Me: “The muslin is right over here.” 

I take the customer over and we chat about the widths she needs and possible yardages. Right as we part ways, she asks what I’m sure was on her mind the entire conversation.

Customer: “Why would muslin be at a mosque?”

Me: “You called it Muslim instead of muslin; Muslims go to mosques the way Christians go to church.”

The customer then nodded and made her way to the cutting counter. I still don’t think she got the joke.

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