A Battery Of Smugness

, , , , , | Right | May 3, 2021

I am the “disrupted operations supervisor” for my airline, dealing with delays, cancellations, and disruptive passengers. I’m called to escort a passenger to the luggage claim because his bag is vibrating, and the police want to speak with him.

The officer opens the bag in front of him and removes a battery-operated shaving machine.

Officer: “Sir, do you know it’s illegal to carry batteries in your hold luggage?”

Passenger: “No, I didn’t.”

Then he turns to me and asks:

Passenger: “How are you going to fix this?”

Me: “Well, either you remove the battery or you carry it in your hand.”

Passenger: *Yelling* “The battery can’t be removed, you moron! And I’m not taking nothing in my hands.” *Smirking* “So, how are you going to fix it?”

I signal the officer to stand down and answer.

Me: “Sir, please there’s no need for that. In this case, the item will have to stay behind unless you’re willing to reconsider.”

Passenger: “H*** no. You’re not keeping it and I won’t carry it in my hand.” *Smirking again* “So, how are you going to fix it?”

I repeat myself and he repeats his question.

Me: “Sir, I don’t have time for this.”

I put the item in the destruction bin.

Me: “Please proceed to the boarding gate and have a nice flight.”

As I’m turning away, the police start to escort him back to the boarding lounge.

Passenger: “I guess I’ll just borrow my friend’s machine from his bag.”

The cops stopped and led him into the police station. The airport called his friend and removed his bags from the plane, causing a ten-minute delay. They were issued fines and lost their flight.

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When You Have The Final Word With The Final Customer

, , , , , | Right | April 28, 2021

It’s about ten o’clock at night. The staff have, by some miracle, managed to get so on top of things that even straightening the store is largely finished. I get someone in my line and my manager comes over to help bag. The customer asks me to check the price on a ceramic plate she found in clearance.

Me: “Ma’am, this plate will be seventy-five cen—”

Customer:Well! I don’t want that one; it’s chipped!

Me: “Okay, well, that’s no big. I can—”

Customer: “Are you going to make me stop unloading my groceries to go get another? Or do you think you can figure out how to send someone else?”

Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t even get to finish. I was about to say, ‘I can send my manager to get you another one.'”

Customer: “Oh! Well, good!”

I am now focused on getting her the heck out of my store because it has been going so well and I want my evening to be marred by only the tiniest blip of a rude customer.

Me: “Hey, [Awesome Manager], can you go grab another plate for her?”

That’s incognito speak for “PLEASE HURRY SO SHE DOESN’T EAT MY FACE!”

Awesome Manager: “Where’d you find this, ma’am, so I can get it for you quick—”

Customer: “It was at the back of the store! Why do I need to tell you where? This isn’t my store!

Awesome Manager: “I was just asking so I could find it fas—”

Customer:I don’t want an explanation!

Awesome Manager: “Excuse me. There’s no reason for you to be rude to me or my staff.”

Customer: “I don’t want— What did you just say to me?!

Awesome Manager: “I said, ‘There’s no reason for you to be rude to me or my staff.'”

Customer: “Well, I never! I want to speak with a manager! How dare you—”

Awesome Manager: “I am the manager. And I suggest you snap out of your nosedive if you don’t want to be banned from my store.”

She looks lost for all of two seconds. Then, she gets this snooty look on her face, leaves everything on the belt, sticks her nose up in the ceiling tiles, and walks away from my register and over to self-checkout. She turns to the coworker who’s working there and loudly demands to speak to the “person above that [insert racial slur for Awesome Manager].”

I just kind of lose a lungful of air, kind of impressed and appalled at the same time at how blatant she’s being about it. [Awesome Manager]’s expression darkens but he says nothing.

[Coworker]’s eyes just widen, and they meekly call the store manager, who comes down.

The racist goes on a rant about how we were “undermining her authority”  — What? — and about how RUDE [Awesome Manager] was and about how I was a b****. The store manager is kind of just nodding along but is clearly not buying it. He has her rung out by [Coworker] and sends her on her way.

The store manager then asks us all what really happened, makes a disgusted face at the slur, and turns to go back to the office. The phone rings and the store manager picks it up. His expression says he has a suspicion about who it is. Yep. It’s the racist.

Customer: “I’m calling to make sure those employees have been fired!”

Store Manager: “I don’t fire good employees on a bad customer’s say-so. Don’t come back to my store. You’re not welcome.”

He hung up on her, cutting off the enraged squawk, and returned to his order. I must say, the rest of the evening was quite pleasant!

This story is part of our Best Of April 2021 roundup!

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Contracting A Serious Problem

, , , , , | Working | April 27, 2021

I am having some remodels done to my home, and while I consider myself pretty handy, I simply don’t have the time to devote to the work, so I hire a contractor and crew. The problem is that the lead contractor keeps calling for countless questions. It’s not things like, “Do you prefer this color or the other one?” but rather questions like, “How are we going to build this?” It begins to feel like I am supervising the lead rather than hiring him.

Finally, I get fed up.

Contractor: “Hey, I tried to call you. Why didn’t you answer?”

Me: “I’m working. That’s why I hired you guys to do this.”

Contractor: “Well, I’m trying to figure out how to do [task], and it’s giving me a headache. I need you to come sort this out.”

Me: “Look. At the end of this, one of us is going to have a headache and the other is going to have a bill. Which would you like to have?”

This story is part of our Best Of April 2021 roundup!

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Fishing Through The Lost And Found

, , , , , | Right | April 26, 2021

Customer: “Have you got a lost and found? I left something here last week.”

Employee: “Yes. What was it?”

Customer: “A bag with my things in. I think I put it down by the door when I was putting my coat on.”

Employee: “Was it something you bought here?”

Customer: “Yes, it was my goldfish and fish food and some dog chews.”

Employee: “Oh, that was yours! Yes, we have your bag. I’ll go and get it for you, and then you can choose some new fish.”

Customer: “What happened to the ones I bought?”

Employee: “We put them back into the tank. It’s fine. We made a note of what was in there; you can just pick out new ones.”

Customer: “I already picked the ones I wanted. Why didn’t you just keep them for me?”

I had to leave so didn’t hear the end of the conversation, but I sure feel sorry for that poor employee having to explain why they couldn’t keep a bag of live fish for a week.

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Best To Stick To A Single Phone Call

, , , , , | Right | April 23, 2021

I work at a help desk for a company that has employees use an automated phone system to enter the time they worked, while their employers, who are mostly elderly or disabled, use the same system to approve them. Because it’s a phone system that we often need to train these clients on, we recommend they call the system with a separate phone and put it on speakerphone so we can guide them through the system, and therefore train the clients.

I’m on the phone with an elderly client.

Me: “Does this phone have speakerphone capability?”

Caller: “Yes, it does.”

Me: “Okay, please call [phone number].”

The caller dials the number and puts the second phone on speaker so I can hear. An automated system picks up, but it’s a perkier voice than the system our company uses.

Automated System: “Are you looking to talk with hot singles? We have the hottest men just waiting to take your call!”

Caller: “Oh, my!”

Me: “Ma’am, please disconnect the call. That’s not our system!”

Caller: *Hangs up the second phone.* “Oh, dear, I definitely didn’t call the right number.” *Pause* “Maybe later, but not now!”

We both had a good laugh over that one. I wish I had more callers like her!

This story is part of our Best Of April 2021 roundup!

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