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Tell Me How You REALLY Feel

, , , , , | Right | July 1, 2022

It’s my last day working as a cashier and the universe has been testing me. I finally snap on one customer at the end of the day.

Customer: “You’re scanning too fast and getting it all wrong! I’ve been patient, but I demand your manager. I’m going to get you fired for your incompetence!”

I nonchalantly call for the manager and remain deadpan. Apparently, this was not the reaction of panic and fear this customer was after.

Customer: “What?! You’re not even going to defend yourself?”

Me: “Ma’am. I have had a customer threaten to call the police on me because I wouldn’t take their cookie to the staff breakroom and microwave it for him. I had a customer call me a c*** because I wouldn’t let her remove her baby’s dirty diaper on my conveyer belt. I had a customer who also tried to get me fired just like you, because only having crunchy peanut butter in stock and not the smooth kind is now a fireable offense.”

Customer: “Well, I—”

Me: “And all of those were just today! Ma’am, word of advice, if you get your kicks from trying to make people miserable or scared, don’t try it on a retail worker. We’re already miserable, and nothing you can do can scare us. Have fun with my manager.”

My manager arrived, and I served the rest of the customers. She did still try to get me fired, but she was even more annoyed when she was told it was my last day anyway. I occasionally see her in the store now, as a fellow shopper. I just smile, wave, and ask if she’s gotten anyone fired lately. She doesn’t respond.

Finally “Ducking” Isn’t An Autocorrect

, , , , , , , | Right | June 30, 2022

I’m a cashier. A woman comes up to my counter.

Customer: *In a quiet voice* “Excuse me. You’ve got some ducks out in the parking lot. Um, they’re mating, and everyone can see it.”

Me: “Ha, well, I guess it’s that time of year or something.”

Customer: *Sternly* “Everyone can see what those ducks are doing! You need to send someone out there right now! My children might see it!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we’re very busy today.” *Points out the line of customers behind her* “We can’t spare anyone to do… that, right now.”

Customer: “Unacceptable! Manager, now!”

I call a manager and she makes her complaint.

Customer: “I am not being unreasonable!”

Manager: “With all due respect, ma’am, you’re the one who wants an employee to go outside and c**kblock a duck so your kids won’t know what banging is.”

Eventually, the manager did send a cart-pusher to make the lady feel better and ruin some duck’s big day.

Retail: Worse Than Being Homeless

, , , , , | Right | June 29, 2022

I am waiting outside my store for my late shift cover to show up to open. A dude walks up to me and hands me a $20. I am a large, bearded man and am bundled up in my trench coat as it is February.

Me: “Oh, I’m not homeless. I’m a shift supervisor here. Thanks, though, that’s really thoughtful.”

I try to hand him the twenty back.

Customer: *With an air of superiority* “You work here? You need it more than I do, then.”

That was my greatest challenge in maintaining composure.

Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 16

, , , , | Right | June 28, 2022

A customer comes in to pick up a mobile order. As I hand it to her:

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer: “If I wanted to speak to people, I wouldn’t have placed a mobile order.”

She flounced out. Later, she complained about it to corporate!

Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 15
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 14
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 13
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 12
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 11

Who Needs Facts When You Have Opinions?

, , , , , | Right | June 27, 2022

Customer: “Why is this $6?”

Me: “It’s buy two, get one free. They’re $3 each, so you’re paying for two.”

Customer: “That’s not right. It should be $3!”

Me: “That’s the price for one. You have to buy two to get the deal. The price for two is $6.”

Customer: “Well, that’s your opinion!”

Me: “No, ma’am, that’s math.”