The Office Scuttlebutt Is Getting Steamy!

, , , , , | Working | February 26, 2021

This is before cell phones were a thing. It’s before email, as well, so a lot of business is done over the phone. Call waiting exists but is expensive, so two phones for one desk are not unusual.

Me: “Hello, can I speak to [Employee], please?”

[Supplier] on the phone speaks with a strange intonation, which I later make out to be between seething and laughing.

Supplier: “[Employee] is no longer working for [Company].”

Me: “Oh, did she leave? I spoke to her yesterday and she didn’t mention it.”

Supplier: “That is because she didn’t know it then.”

Yep, definitely an edge in her voice.

Me: “Oh. Well, I…”

Supplier: “Yeah, you see, she has a boyfriend, and I suspect he is married, and she calls him at the office. It is the first call she makes every day and the last, and in between again a few times. They are long as well, which means I have to do her job on top of mine while she has sickening dialogs with her boyfriend.”

Me: “Not nice, indeed.”

Supplier: “So, yesterday, I got fed up with it. I had a phone call and another on the second extension, and then her phone started ringing which she ignored whilst continuing to exchange sweet talk with her sweetheart, and it became too much, so I jumped up and disconnected the call. She became mad, jumped up, as well, and slapped me in the face.”

Me: “Oops.”

Supplier: “The best part was that one of the higher-ups just passed by and wanted to know what happened. So, we were called to the office, we told our side of things, I got a faint slap on the wrist, and she was sent packing.”

Me: “But now you need to do all the work.”

Supplier: “Not a problem. I am used to it anyway, and now, as a bonus, I don’t need to listen to her phone sex anymore. And they are going to replace her! So, what can I do for you today?”

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Following The Rules To The Letter

, , , , | Working | February 19, 2021

I get a coupon for my favorite sandwich place. Score! I head to the place and make my order, and at the end, I present the coupon.

Employee: “Sorry, ma’am, that coupon only applies to online and phone orders.”

Me: “So, I can’t order over the counter?”

Employee: “Sorry, but no. Online and phone only.”

Without moving from my spot, I got my phone and called the number for the sandwich place. Without breaking eye contact with the employee, I saw him pick up the phone on the wall and speak his greeting.

He quickly realized he was talking to me standing a few feet away as I repeated my exact same order.

He sighed and just applied the coupon.

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A Porch Choice Of Seating

, , , , , , , | Right | February 15, 2021

There are a few outside tables spread out for social distancing. A customer wanders indoors.

Waiter: “Ma’am, I’m afraid we don’t have any indoor seating.”

Customer: “Oh, I know, but no one came by to give us menus, so I wanted to see if we’re supposed to order inside or something.”

Waiter: “I’m sorry about that; I’ll bring your menus right out. Which table are you at?”

Customer: “The one on the porch.”

Waiter: “The one… Can you point it out to me?”

Customer: “Yeah, but I can’t see it from here. On the porch, around to the left?”

Waiter: “Around to the left… Ma’am, that’s not part of [Restaurant]. I’m pretty sure that’s just someone’s house.”

Customer: “Oh, God! The waitress said we could sit anywhere, and I guess we just… we might have taken that too literally.”

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, , , , , , | Related | February 11, 2021

My mum, sister, and I have a cat. The cat gets fed every evening. Both my mum and my sister are out for the evening — separately — so I feed the cat. Then, I go upstairs into my room to play some video games.

An hour or so later, I hear my mum come home, and an hour after that, my sister. Suddenly, my sister storms upstairs and angrily asks why nobody has fed the cat yet.

Me: “I fed the cat!”

Mum: “Oh, so did I!”

Sister: “Oh, I did, too!”

It turns out that the cat had gobbled up her first portion and licked her bowl clean, and was so convincing in begging for more that my mum had assumed she hadn’t eaten yet and fed her, and then the cat did the same spiel with my sister! Since then, we always texted one another when the cat had been fed until my sister and I moved out.

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My, Aren’t We Feeling Entitled Today?, Part 3

, , , , , | Right | February 5, 2021

Our espresso machine requires maintenance and we have done everything in our power to alert customers to our inability to provide hot coffee drinks; we’ve posted several brightly-colored signs on the one and only entrance to the shop.

A man holds the door open for a loud female customer, complete with attached cell phone accessory. Her call must be very important as she is talking so loudly we all know the results of her last lady doctor appointment.

As she approaches the counter I attempt to deliver the bad news in as polite a fashion as I am able.

Me: “Welcome to [Coffee Shop]! I just wanted to make you aware that our espresso machine is undergoing maintenance and—”

She shoves her finger in my face, index finger up in a classic “Shut Up!” gesture. I swallow my anger and continue to wait for her to fish her credit card out of her purse while still yakking away on the phone.

Once she locates it, she pulls the phone far enough away from her face to bark two words before going back to her call.

Customer: “Non-fat latte.”

She throws the credit card on the counter.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but as I was saying, our espresso machine is down and I cannot make any hot drinks or any espresso drinks.”

She ignores me completely and continues her conversation until long enough has passed that she believes her drink should be done, at which point she storms up to the counter.

Customer: “Where’s my drink? You’ve had more than long enough to finish a simple latte. What are you, stupid?”

Me: “I tried to explain to you that our espresso machine was down when you entered the store, but you were so engrossed in your conversation that you must not have heard me.”

Customer:Well, most competent employees would put a sign up so people don’t waste half their lunch break waiting for a drink that you weren’t even making.”

Me: “Actually, if you’ll direct your attention to the door, you’ll notice that there was not only one sign, but several, explaining the situation.”

I’ve had many unpleasant encounters with customers over the years, but I think this response takes the prize for the most entitled comment I’ve ever heard because, rather than apologize for being on her phone or even acknowledging her part in the kerfuffle, she doubles down.

Customer:Well, if that man hadn’t opened a door I was clearly capable of opening myself, maybe I would have seen the sign.”

Me: “So, let me see if I understand you correctly. You’re upset that someone opened a door for you because they were trying to be polite?”

Customer: “Exactly! I certainly hope you’ll do something about it the next time he comes in here; that kind of thing is not acceptable!”

Me: “Oh, you can rest assured that I will make sure that man gets what’s coming to him.”

The next time he came in, I paid for his drink; I think he got what he deserved.

My, Aren’t We Feeling Entitled Today?, Part 2
My, Aren’t We Feeling Entitled Today?

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