Meanwhile, In The Kitchen They’re All “Overcooked”

, , , , , | Right | March 11, 2020

(My boyfriend, my friend, and I are out at a local pub for dinner and darts. I’m playing a game on my phone while they face off.)

Friend: “What are you playing?”

Me: “[Game]. It’s pretty fun.”

(A waitress, unbeknownst to us, is walking by at this moment.)

Friend: “You should try Diner Dash. I like it a lot.”

Me: “Noted.”

Waitress: *appearing suddenly* “So, would you folks like your bill?”

Boyfriend: No, we just got here.”

Waitress: “Are you sure? I heard someone talk about dining and dashing.”

(We burst out laughing and filled her in on the conversation. My boyfriend and I go there frequently and now we are known as the “Dine-And-Dashers.” Joy.)

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The Holy Yo-yo

, , , , , | Right | January 22, 2020

(I overheard this in a toy store.)

Woman: “I don’t care if it’s solid gold and autographed by Jesus; no yoyo is worth thirty dollars!”

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He Is So Not Ready For Fortnite

, , , , , | Related | November 22, 2019

(On my way back to my department from lunch, I pass a mom with two small kids in her cart. The boy is about five years old, and is teary and sniffling.)

Boy: “That really hurt my feelings!”

Mom: “Oh?”

Boy: “The game really hurt my feelings!”

Mom: “Dying in the game hurt your feelings?”

Boy: “Yeah…”

Mom: “I’m sorry, honey.”

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Love And Candy Go Hand In Hand

, , , , , | Right | November 21, 2019

(I’m working in the women’s department. We only sell clothing and a few accessories, but we have a small dish of candy that customers can take from for free. A mother with a daughter who’s about five and a son of eight comes into the department.)

Boy: “Mom, is anything in here free?”

Mother: “No, nothing in life is free. Only the candy in this store is free.”

Girl: “Momma, love is free.”

Mother: *to boy* “Your sister is right; love is free, but that’s it.” *to the girl* “Good one!”

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Not Buying Red, But Certainly Seeing It

, , , , | Related | November 15, 2019

(I overhear this in a clothing store:)

Grown Woman: “DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT COLOR THIS IS? RED! THE COLOR OF BLOOD! I HAVE THREE DAUGHTERS; I DEAL WITH ENOUGH BLOOD EVERY WEEK!” 

Daughter: “Mom, stop! You’re embarrassing us!”

Grown Woman: “Not now, dear. Mommy’s having a temper tantrum.”

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