Strange Looking

, , , , , , | | Friendly | May 31, 2019

(I’m at a gas station filling up my car when I hear the following exchange between two other customers.)

Customer #1: “Do you need something?”

Customer #2: “No.”

Customer #1: “Then why are you staring at me?”

Customer #2: “I can look at anything I want! If you don’t like it, call the cops!”

Time To Bail On This Scam

, , , , , , | | Friendly | May 25, 2019

(Two ladies behind me on the bus are chatting.)

Lady: “Oh, I got a call yesterday from some fellow claiming to be a sheriff from someplace in Utah.”

Friend: “Oh, what did he want?”

Lady: “He said my grandson was in jail and I needed to send him bail money right away.”

Friend: “You don’t have any grandsons.”

Lady: “Yeah. So, I asked him if it was ‘Randall.’”

Friend: “And?”

Lady: “He said yes, and I told him to forget it. Said I never liked that little s***, anyway, and he could stay in jail.”

(Fortunately, I had to get off the bus then, or I’d have burst out laughing.)

Unfiltered Story #151044

, , , , | | Unfiltered | May 18, 2019

One lady: “… and he had both legs decapitiated at the knee …”

Other lady (a little later on): ” … Oh, yes. I’m a great believer in faith.”

Playing With Ways To Say Playing With Fire

, , , , | | Friendly | May 15, 2019

(I recently overheard this argument.)

Man: “…it’s dangerous!”

Woman: “Says the man who plays with matches.”

Man: “I don’t play with matches; I burn random junk to see what happens! It’s totally different!”

Revenge Of The Nerds

, , , , , | Friendly | April 9, 2019

(I’m sitting on the grass in the park on a sunny day. A few meters away, two guys in their early twenties are sitting on a bench. I don’t really pay much attention to their conversation until suddenly, a woman their age walks past with a dog and settles on the grass a bit further away.)

Guy #1: “Did you see who that was?”

Guy #2: “Huh?”

Guy #1: “The girl with the dog. It’s Veronika!”

Guy #2: *leans over and looks in the girl’s direction* “Veronika? You mean, from high school?”

Guy #1: “Yeah!”

Guy #2: “No…”

Guy #1: “It is! Imagine her with shorter hair.”

(There’s a pause while both guys try to make eyes at the girl inconspicuously.)

Guy #2: “Gosh, it is her! Wow, she’s hot!

Guy #1: “Check out her legs.”

Guy #2: “She’s changed so much.”

(There’s another pause while they check out the girl in silence.)

Guy #2: “In retrospect, throwing that basketball at her face and calling her a nerd might’ve been a stupid idea.”

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