Revenge Of The Nerds

, , , , , | Friendly | April 9, 2019

(I’m sitting on the grass in the park on a sunny day. A few meters away, two guys in their early twenties are sitting on a bench. I don’t really pay much attention to their conversation until suddenly, a woman their age walks past with a dog and settles on the grass a bit further away.)

Guy #1: “Did you see who that was?”

Guy #2: “Huh?”

Guy #1: “The girl with the dog. It’s Veronika!”

Guy #2: *leans over and looks in the girl’s direction* “Veronika? You mean, from high school?”

Guy #1: “Yeah!”

Guy #2: “No…”

Guy #1: “It is! Imagine her with shorter hair.”

(There’s a pause while both guys try to make eyes at the girl inconspicuously.)

Guy #2: “Gosh, it is her! Wow, she’s hot!

Guy #1: “Check out her legs.”

Guy #2: “She’s changed so much.”

(There’s another pause while they check out the girl in silence.)

Guy #2: “In retrospect, throwing that basketball at her face and calling her a nerd might’ve been a stupid idea.”

Where Are They Buying Their Creamed Corn?

, , , , , | Friendly | April 4, 2019

(I’ve overheard some truly odd things while shopping, but this one just won’t leave my mind.)

Woman: *coming towards me, carrying a birthday cake* “It’s totally the color of creamed corn.”

Her Friend: “Yes. Very elegant!”

Some Coworkers Are A Little Darker Than Others

, , , , , , | Working | February 23, 2019

(It’s been a slow night of calls, and I hear my coworker say this without any context:)

Coworker: “My soul isn’t black! It’s obsidian! Ain’t no basic color; it’s multidimensional!”

(This, among other quotes, is why I love this job.)

 

Bit Off More Than It Could Chew

, , , , , | Friendly | February 20, 2019

(I overhear this conversation between my English teacher and one of the other English teachers before class. My teacher is holding her computer charger.)

Teacher: “So, you know, cats are like sharks. They don’t bite things to bite them; they bite them to feel them since they don’t have hands. Well, [Cat] quickly found out just how ‘spicy’ this wire was yesterday.”

A Little Nugget Of Information

, , , , , , | Working | February 5, 2019

(Overheard between two employees at a popular fast food place:)

Employee: “[Coworker], can you stop eating the chicken nuggets long enough for me to fill this order?”

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