She’s Giving You Her Two Cents

, , , , | Right | February 18, 2019

(A customer who has just purchased a lot of items comes back up to the counter to show me her receipt.)

Me: “Hello. Is everything okay?”

Customer: “There was a deal on the sellotape, and it hasn’t come off my total.”

Me: “Okay, could you tell me what the deal was?”

Customer: “Yes, it said they were two for £5.” *points to a display that says two for £5*

(I look at her receipt to see that the sellotape was individually priced at £2.49, meaning the total for 2 comes to £4.98.)

Me: “Oh, they were £2.49 each, which comes to under £5, so you were charged £4.98.”

Customer: *beginning to sound annoyed* “Why did it say 2 for £5?! That’s false advertising!”

Me: “I’m sorry, that might have been an old deal; the head office always changes prices and deals and doesn’t always tell us. Luckily, you weren’t overcharged.”

Customer: “I still want a refund. I don’t like giving my money to false advertisers.”

Me: “Sure… Okay.”

(I went ahead and processed a refund for £4.98.)

Unfiltered Story #140779

, , , | Unfiltered | February 18, 2019

I am calling people to confirm their direct debit plan to our company. A young man answers, abuses me, and hangs up on me, denying that he has signed up for our service. I reluctantly ring him back.

Me: Sir, I NEED to confirm that you did not request this payment. We have quite a few personal details for you, including your phone, address, and bank details.
Caller: If you b******s have taken a f****** penny from me, I’ll sue you all!
Me: I’m trying to determine that it’s not the case, sir.

After a few minutes of trying to get him to confirm his details, he caves.

Caller: Does the bank account even start with ##? Huh?
Me: Yes.
Caller: …really?
Me: And it ends with ##.
Caller: *contrite* Shit, that’s my number.
Me: Well, you were signed up by someone, it seems. I can see an email here for [email protected].
Caller: …I AM GOING TO KILL THAT M*****F*****, HE’S A DEAD MAN WALKING—
Me: So I’ll cancel that, then. You won’t be charged a penny. See how we worked this out when you cooperate?
Caller: F*** YOU, LADY! *hangs up*

A Blood Alcohol Level That Does Not Compute

, , , , , , , | Learning | February 12, 2019

When I am in high school we have regular “IT” classes. These are ridiculous classes on basic computing skills. Given that it is the mid-2000s and everyone has a PC at home, there is literally nothing to be learned here. We are given floppy disks to store work on.

Most of our teachers struggle to teach anything, but we have one teacher that decides it’s not a battle worth fighting. He spends the first few weeks trying to explain how to use a keyboard or mouse, how to save word documents, etc., before giving it up and just sitting there like a child repeating over and over, “Do whatever you want; I still get paid.”

This probably would have been fine. What isn’t fine is about three months into the school year he figures he’s never taught anything worthwhile at all, so he gets drunk one morning and then sits at his desk drinking “water” most of the day. Eventually, one student decides that mucking around on the Internet is boring and throws a chair across the room. This is so much fun that another one does the same, except this time it goes through the door. The teacher is so drunk at this point he doesn’t even notice, but a nearby deputy head teacher does, comes to investigate, and finds a class in chaos and a teacher who can barely sit up given how drunk he is.

The end result is that the teacher is fired that second and has to be removed from the school by police because he is too drunk to stand and has put children in danger with his actions.

Not long after this, a group of students from several years get together and approach the head teacher complaining that IT lessons are a waste of time and don’t cover anything remotely worthwhile. The following year, the IT department is refreshed with new equipment and staff. Lessons are designed to focus much more on actual practical things such as the basics of programming. While I do feel bad that the teachers were forced to teach lessons that were useless in the face of a generation that had been using computers for years, that was no excuse to get completely drunk on the job.

A Dustbuster Is Required For Her Head

, , , , | Right | February 11, 2019

(A middle-aged customer has been standing with her mouth open in the middle of the store, staring off into space, for a little while now, about two minutes. Since I’ve finished the job I was doing for the moment. I go and ask her what would she like help with. I already know this is going to be a mistake.)

Me: “Morning. Need any help with anything?”

Customer: “Dustbuster.”

(She has a peculiar way of speaking.)

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Dustbuster.”

Me: “You want a Dustbuster?”

(I heard it this time, but I’m wracking my brains to try and remember what a Dustbuster is. Is it a new duster?)

Customer: “Yes, where are your Dustbusters?”

Me: “Sorry, I’m drawing a blank here; what is a Dustbuster?”

Customer: “You know, it’s a Dustbuster!”

Me: *sighs internally* “I don’t know; that’s why I’m asking.”

(I’m not losing my patience, but it’s the beginning of the day and I’m barely awake.)

Customer: “You know.” *turns 180 degrees and points straight away* “That’s a Dustbuster.”

(She points in amongst our section of vacuum cleaners to a specific model; it’s a small, handheld one that is impossible to see where we are standing. So, did she find it beforehand and wait for someone to help her so she could test them? Why didn’t she just say it was a vacuum cleaner? Nobody knows! The next time I walk by, she grabs my attention for help. I keep a smile on my face.)

Me: “Hello again. Need anything?”

Customer: “Does this come with a charger?”

Me: “I’d expect so; we don’t sell them separately.”

(I take the box and start looking over it to check, just to be sure.)

Customer: “Well, does it or not?”

Me: “I’m just checking the box to be sure.”

Customer: “Well, does it?”

Me: “Yep.”

(I find it pretty quickly, no thanks to her demanding. There’s a big picture on the side saying as much. I wish more customers would actually use their eyes and brain before getting Mummy to read for them like children.)

Me: “See? It’s got a charging stand included.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. So, I don’t need to buy it separately, then?”

Me: “Nope, not at all.”

Customer: “So, why did you say I did?”

Me: “I said, we don’t sell them separately.”

Customer: “So, why would you say I needed to buy it if you don’t sell it?”

(Every retail assistant has had the moment where they pause, and have to think about the best way to say something — something that covers all the bases and answers all the questions so we can move on.)

Me: “No, I said we don’t sell them if you needed it, but since it’s already included in the box, you don’t need to buy one from us, since it’s already in the box.”

Customer: “Okay. So, does it come with any attachments?”

Me: *points to the next picture down* “Yep, it comes with a window cleaning attachment, too, as well as replacement nozzles.”

Customer: “And how powerful is it?”

Me: *points to the next picture down, showing her specifically that if she has a question, she should probably read these pictures first* “It says here 800w.”

Customer: “Ah, right, I see.” *praise Mary* “So, does it take bags?”

Me: *points to the next d***ed picture* “Nope, it’s got its own filter so you can just empty that out.”

Customer: “Okay, I want to see it.”

(I open it up and show her, and she prods it a few times, as customers are wont to do, while I explain its mechanisms and how it works. I’ve never seen the d*** thing before in my life, and as a customer assistant you get very good at improv and how things work.)

Customer: “I’ll think about it. Goodbye.”

(This roughly means, “I’m off to buy it from somewhere else; they’re cheaper but they’re not as helpful as you! Bye bye, suckers!” I spend the next five minutes wondering how to get the d*** thing back in the box; it’s already been twenty minutes at this stage.)

Manager: “Why haven’t you done [thing] yet?”

Me: “There was an annoying customer.”

(My manager sympathised and completely understood.)

A Complaining Behavior

, , , , , , | Learning | February 2, 2019

Occasionally, lost items are handed into reception at the school where I work. Two weeks into the term after Christmas, the caretaker hands me a diary with the calendar year stamped on it. He tells me he couldn’t figure out the owner is so he will leave it with me.

I leaf through it to see if I can find a timetable or similar notes, as this helped me identify an owner before, and I find the week’s pages are full of complaints about the teachers who have given this child detention, complete with the times the entries were made. This helps me narrow down the lesson, and thus the class, and looking through the sanctions on our database I pull a name.

I ask the teachers to pass this on, but when this fails, I delivered it to his last teacher for the day personally.

I’m either going to be very popular with this student for returning their diary, or very unpopular as I cross-checked their complaints with their behaviour record to do it.

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