No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 15

, , , , , , | Right | February 22, 2020

(I work for a company that has only one sale a year, both in our stores and on our website. The sale is treated by many as a very big deal. I’ve been on the phone with a customer for almost half an hour as she complained that the website was slow — because so many people were on it — some items sold out before she could get them, and not everything she wanted was covered by the sale. Annoying, but at least true, until…)

Customer: “And another thing! Why does the sale start for the people on the West Coast before it does for people in Ontario?! That’s not fair! It should start at the same time for everyone!”

Me: “It does, ma’am.”

Customer: “It does not! I’m looking at your website and it says 6:00 am Pacific time, 9:00 am Eastern time! People in Toronto should get a chance to buy stuff at 6:00 am, too!”

Me: “Ma’am, 6:00 am Pacific time is 9:00 am Eastern time.”

Customer: “You’re trying to claim six is the same as nine? What do you think I am, stupid?!”

Me: “We’re in different time zones. If you’re in Toronto, it’s now five o’clock, right?”

Customer: “Of course, it is!”

Me: “Right, well, I’m in Vancouver and it’s 2:00 pm here right now.”

Customer: “I know that; I’m not an idiot! I don’t see what that has to do with why people in BC get to start on the sale earlier than the rest of us!”

Me: “But that’s what I’m trying to tell you. The sale only started at one time. It’s just that that time was 6:00 am for us, and 9:00 am for you, just like right now it’s 2:00 pm for us and 5:00 pm for you.”

Customer: “I can’t believe you’re lying to me like this! This is f****** ridiculous! I want to talk to your manager, right now!”

(I dutifully got her my supervisor, who spent the next fifteen minutes trying futilely to explain to a grown woman how time zones work. The customer finally hung up, still calling us liars.)

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 14
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 13
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 12

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The Will Power Of Attorneys (Not To Slap Stupid Clients)

, , , | Right | February 14, 2020

(I am a lawyer; I do a lot of wills and power of attorney executions. One day, I have a client who comes in to do a will and POA. She wants to know how much it will cost. I tell her that my hourly rate is $185 and, however long it takes, that’s how much I will charge for. Between meeting with her, responding to a bunch of emails from her, and actually preparing the will and POAs, I spend a little over two and a half hours. I decide to be nice and round that down to an even $450. She comes in and signs the will and pays her bill happily. The next day, I get a call from her. She is furious.)

Client: “I checked my watch; I only spent a total of fifteen minutes with you. You massively overcharged me! I shouldn’t have paid more than fifty bucks for this.”

Me: “[Client], do you think that a will just materializes the second you leave the office? It takes time to prepare documents. You don’t just get charged for the time you spend in my office — which, by the way, was more like an hour. I’m sorry the bill was more than you expected, but I was very clear with my pricing up front.”

Client: “But I only spent an hour on this!”

Me: “I know that, but you pay for my time, not yours.”

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Arriving Panting, Not Pantless

, , , , , , | Working | February 13, 2020

I am not a morning person, but at this point in my life, I was not taking classes and had other part-time jobs that started later in the day, so I was scheduled for five 5:00 am shifts every week at a fast food restaurant. It’s about a 15-minute commute and I value my sleep, so I generally wake up at 4:15 am, shower, get dressed, and go.

One day, I slept through my alarm and woke up at 4:45 am. I jumped out of bed, forwent showering, quickly got dressed, and started driving, intending to call as soon as I hit the road and let the manager know I was late but on my way.

Backing out of the driveway on this autumn morning, I felt colder than I usually do. I looked down to discover that in my haste, I had forgotten to put on pants. I ran back inside, put on said pants, and was back on the road. By this time, it was about ten minutes after five, and my manager called me, instead. Wanting to be hands-free, I put it on speakerphone and yelled, “I’m on my way! I’m late! I had to go back because I forgot my pants!”

I arrived to see a manager and coworkers laughing and teasing me, not understanding how one could forget putting on pants. Luckily, nobody was angry, just amused.

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Your Lateness Is Not The Theme Of This Movie

, , , | Right | February 4, 2020

(I am at the movies with my sister and boyfriend. I am paying for my sister and myself, and my boyfriend is waiting behind us so he can pay for himself. As I’m paying, a middle-aged lady walks in and stands behind my boyfriend. It is a slow day and there is only one employee.)

Lady: *interrupting my transaction* “Has [Movie] started yet? I think I’m late!”

Employee: “I’m not sure; it might still be finishing up the previews.”

(I finish paying and tell my boyfriend that we are going to go sit down while he pays and we will meet him in the theater. The other lady is still talking about how she’s late and going to miss her movie.)

Lady: *to my boyfriend* “Are you going to be long?”

Boyfriend: “Can I have a ticket to the same movie as them in front of me? Let me take a look at the drinks.” *after a moment* “Can I have a bottle of water, please?”

Lady: “I… I’m late for my movie. It already started. I have to go. I’ll pay later.”

Employee: *calling after her* “Ma’am, I, uh…”

(She LEAVES to go find her movie WITHOUT PAYING. The theater recently switched companies, and the new one does not display which movies are playing in each room. I double-check my ticket and am most of the way down the hall to my theater when the other customer calls after me.)

Lady: *realizing she has no clue where her movie is* “Ladies! What movie are you seeing?”

Me: “[Kids’ Movie that we arrived early for].”

Lady: *huffs away*

(The best part is that her friend came in looking for her while my boyfriend was paying. Why would she not wait and buy a ticket, especially since she had someone else with her?! My boyfriend would have let her go in front of him if she had just asked, but instead he took his time since she was rude about it. Either arrive earlier or deal with missing the first few minutes.)

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With Climate Change, Who Can Tell These Days?

, , , , | Learning | February 4, 2020

(It is February at the beginning of art class. One of my classmates, [Student #1], isn’t the smartest person.)

Teacher: “Remember to put the date on your paper.”

Student #1: “What’s the date?”

Everyone: “The 19th.”

Student #1: “But what month?”

Student #2: *obviously joking* “July.”

(End of class:)

Teacher: “And don’t forget the date; just write 2/19 on the bottom of your paper.”

Student #1: *confused but completely sincere* “But why would it be 2/19 if it’s July?”

(I’m still confused as to how she thought it was actually July. There were three feet of snow on the ground and we were still in the second quarter of school.)

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