They Want Tickets To Everything And Nothing

, , , , | Right | December 9, 2018

(I work at an athletic ticket office. We close at 5:00 pm. It’s 4:55 pm now.)

Customer: *on phone* “Hi. Are you open?”

Me: “Yes… but we close at five.”

Customer: “Oh, good. Well, I was wondering what tickets you have [for every event]…”

(After fifteen minutes.)

Customer: “Okay… Well, I’ll have to check with some people to see if they want to come, and I’ll give you a call back.”

These Are Not Telling Times

, , , , | Right | December 8, 2018

(A customer starts banging violently on the counter.)

Customer: “Hey! Where’s my pizza? I’d like to get home and eat before tomorrow morning, you know!”

Me: “Sir, it’s Saturday night. I told you we were busy when you came in to order and that it’d be around thirty minutes.”

Customer: “So?”

(I nod to the clock on the wall beside him.)

Me: “So, it’s only been about ten minutes since you came in to order.”

(The customer glances at the clock, then at me again.)

Customer: “Oh, give me a break. Do I look like I can tell time?”

(He looked, at least, to be in his mid-30s.)

Checked Way Out Before They Checked In

, , , | Right | December 8, 2018

(A disheveled man carrying what looks like a sleeping bag enters our hotel at two am, and I think that he is a homeless guy at first.)

Disheveled Man: “Checking in; what do you need?”

Me: “Name, please.”

(He gives me his name, and after looking, I see that he has made his reservation for tomorrow and I tell him so.)

Disheveled Man: “What do you mean? Today is [Date], right? I made my reservation for [Date]!”

Me: “Yes, today is technically [Date], but check-in time’s at three pm.”

Disheveled Man: “So?!”

Me: “Not… two am.”

Disheveled Man: *deer in headlights* “…” *blinks* “No! It’s [Date]!”

Me: “Three pm. In about 13 hours, your room’ll be ready. Right now… we’re all full.”

Disheveled Man: “All full?! Don’t you treat me like a fool! I used to be a doctor of surgery, understand?! I’m smart! I’m very smart!”

(He treated me to a rant about how smart he was, and how many patients he’d performed successfully on, before finally leaving in a huff. Seriously people, don’t be an idiot; check in at check-in time! Read the terms and conditions for once.)

The Final Unpedicured Nail In The Coffin

, , , , , | Right | December 7, 2018

(A wealthy-looking, middle-aged woman comes into the nail salon while I’m waiting for my appointment.)

Customer: “Hello. I’m here for my one o’clock appointment with [Nail Tech].”

Receptionist: “Okay, if I could just get your name, please?”

Customer: “It’s [Customer].”

Receptionist: “Oh, no, it looks like you’re late for your appointment.”

Customer: *laughs, thinking the receptionist is joking* “I know it’s 1:10 right now, but you know how it can just get so busy!”

Receptionist: “No, I mean your appointment was booked for noon.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t. I know for a fact that it was one o’clock.”

Manager: *takes over* “Ma’am, it’s written right here as being booked for 12:00 pm.”

Customer: “No, look.” *pulls out smartphone* “I have it written down here as… Oh. Oh, well. I guess the appointment was for noon. But I still need [Nail Tech] to do my mani-pedi now.”

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry but [Nail Tech] is booked up all day. However, we can have another employee help you at this time.”

Customer: “No, that won’t do. I must have [Nail Tech]. Anyone else is a waste of my time and money!”

Manager: “Well, we can book a new appointment with [Nail Tech] for another day.”

Customer: “No. I have a party tonight and I need my nails done before then! Can’t you just… give me someone else’s appointment with [Nail Tech], and schedule them with someone else?”

Manager: *starting to get impatient* “No, ma’am, we can’t do that.”

Customer: “You should have called me, then! I live only a couple blocks away! If you’d have called me when I missed my appointment, then I would have been here on time!”

Manager: “Well, we would have called you, ma’am, but you never gave us your phone number.”

Customer: “Well, I never! I guess I just won’t have my nails done for my dinner, then! I hope you feel bad about this!” *storms off in a huff*

Totally Divorced From Reality

, , , | Legal Right | December 3, 2018

(Our office used to be a family practice with three separate lawyers. Because the father is soon to retire and our office is an older house, his children (two sons) have moved to their own offices. We now have a much smaller staff, and I’m one of three people who open the office before eight each day. Our clients understand the lawyer doesn’t come in until nine, so they tend not to call before that time. However, when I come in one morning, the phone is going off at 7:30. We are expected not to answer phones so we can get morning tasks done before we answer, so I wait until eight to answer the first call of the day.)

Me: “Good morning. [Law Office].”

Caller: “About time! I’ve called seven or eight times already!”

Me: “I apologize; we don’t open office until eight o’clock. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Until eight?! This is life or death, and you’re going to make me wait until eight? What if I had been dying?”

Me: “Then I would hope you’d call an ambulance or the police. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I don’t know if I want him helping me anymore, if that’s how y’all act. Maybe I need to be calling someone else.”

Me: “That is your prerogative, sir. I apologize we couldn’t help you when you liked, but no one is able to answer your calls before eight. Thank you and—”

Caller: “Wait! I want to talk to Mr. [Lawyer #1] about representing me! Don’t be hanging up on me yet. Any chance I can talk to him?”

Me: “Mr. [Lawyer #1] isn’t in until nine o’clock. Is this about [type of law]? If so, I can get you to our intake to get a name, number, and some information.”

Caller: “What? No. This is about family law. Isn’t that who I called?”

Me: “Ah, no, sir. That would be [Lawyer #1]’s son, [Lawyer #2], who moved out six months ago. The phone books are still catching up in changing his information online. I can give you his new phone number.” *relays number to him* “Thank you, sir, and have a nice day.”

(A minute later:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Law Office].”

Caller: “Yeah, I got a divorce case and—”

Me: “Sir, I believe you called earlier. I gave you [Lawyer #2]’s number, correct?”

Caller: “D***, this ain’t his number?? What’s his number again?”

Me: “The only number that [Lawyer #2] has is [number]. If you’re unable to reach [Lawyer #2] at his number, it may be that his receptionist wasn’t able to reach the phone. Try again.”

(The caller hangs up and a few minutes later:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Law Office].”

Caller: “D*** it!” *hangs up*

(I guess he didn’t believe me when I told him that was the only number that lawyer had. Aside from that, I’m not sure how a divorce is a matter of life or death.)

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