I’m a nineteen-year-old woman, works as a host in a restaurant. We have a UFC fight showing, so this night was extremely busy. We had a long waitlist, and when this one man in particular came in to request a table for six. I told him the same thing I tell everyone else when it’s so busy.

Me: “Sir, when the restaurant is full, I can’t give an exact wait time simply because almost everybody is staying to watch the fight.”

Well, for the next two hours, this man hovered over my shoulder, as well as the other two hostesses’ shoulders, asked about any possible open tables every ten minutes, and walked around the restaurant as if a table would magically open.

Two tables finally opened that would seat his party of five (one of his friends left).

Me: “Which table would you prefer? The high top table outside, or the large round booth inside?”

Customer: “I don’t want either of them.”

And then he proceeded to walk around the restaurant, looking for a table again. I looked at my coworkers, who watched the whole thing in disbelief. When he came back, he asked me:

Customer: “What if you split us up?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I don’t have the tables in order to do that.”

Customer: “No. Like two and three?”

Bruh…

This was when my patience with him after two hours finally snapped, and I firmly stated, again:

Me: “I simply do not have the tables.”

I wasn’t rude, but I certainly was firmer.

He then goes and complains to my manager and tells him he felt I attacked him because he simply wanted a table. Thankfully, after explaining the events that led up to the complaint, my manager was on my side.

Later that night, I found out this man ended up wanting two separate booths for him and his friends, which made no sense because I offered him the large round party booth! I don’t know how I managed to have patience with that man for two whole hours…

It’s near the end of the day. A couple has just entered.

Me: “Just letting you guys know, we’re closing in fifteen minutes.”

Husband: “No problem, we’re just gonna have a quick look.”

About five minutes later, the husband says he couldn’t find anything he wanted, and decided to wait in the car while his wife finished looking. At closing time, she’s still looking around when her phone goes off.

Wife: “Oh, that’ll be my husband. I can ignore it.”

Ignore it she does, only for it to ring again. She ignores it again, and it rings a third time.

Wife: “Oh, for God’s sake.” *Answers the phone.* “WHAT?!”

Pause.

Wife: “Yes, I know they’re closing, but—”

Pause.

Wife: “But I’m still looking.”

Pause.

Wife: “But I—”

Pause.

Wife: “Ugh, whatever.”

She hangs up her phone and grouchily buys the handful of items she picked out.

Me: *Looking at the work calendar.* “Oh, cool! My birthday falls on Friday the 13^th this year.”

Coworker #1: “That’s cool. I wonder when my birthday will fall on Friday the 13^th.”

Coworker #2: “What month is your birthday on the 13^th of? I can look ahead for you.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, but my birthday is on a 4^th.”

Coworker #2: “…”

Me: “[Coworker #1], if your birthday is on a 4^th, then it’ll always be on a 4^th. It won’t ever jump to another day.”

Coworker #1: *Dissapointed.* “…Oh.”

Me: “When is your birthday anyway?”

Coworker #1: “Well, this year it was on January 4^th. Hopefully someday it’ll be on July 4^th so I can pretend the fireworks are for me!”

Me: “Uhm…”

Related:
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 31
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 30
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 29
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 28
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 27

A few years ago, part of my job was to travel around and install/repair equipment that we either leased or sold to other companies. I enjoyed the traveling, but still didn’t want to be on the road for longer than necessary.

If I were driving and within a couple of hours of home, I would drive through lunch, get close to home, and get some fast food locally to take home and eat off the clock. I did this for a long time, and no one ever said anything to me.

One day, I was called into HR with my boss and asked why I bought food on the company credit card in the same city where I live. I told them it was because I skipped lunch to get off the road sooner and get off the clock so as not to waste their money or the customer’s. They told me that I’m not allowed to do that anywhere close to home. I asked how far out was not considered local, and they gave me some vague description, but I had an idea.

Since I got paid the entire time I was traveling, I decided to comply and would not eat near my city. Rather than get fast food and eat at home, I would stop at restaurants, sometimes fast food and sometimes a sit-down restaurant, take my time, eat, and then get back on the road. This made it so I was still using the company credit card to pay for my food while still on the clock the entire time.

Total, it probably added an hour or so to my traveling, counting getting off the road, finding somewhere to eat, ordering, eating, and getting back on the road.

I don’t think they ever noticed, but they never mentioned it to me again.

Me: “Good morning, thank you for calling [Company], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Why do you sound so d*** chipper! It’s too early in the morning!”

Me: “I’ll do my best to curb my enthusiasm, sir. How can I help you this morning?”

Caller: “Seriously, it’s 7 AM! Why do you sound so awake?”

Me: “It’s not 7 AM where I am right now, sir.”

Caller: “Really? What time is it there?”

Me: “10 PM, sir.”

Caller: “That’s even worse! If I had to talk to a human at 10 PM, I’d be miserable! I hate people!”

Me: “Sir, what was the reason for your call?”

Caller: “I noticed on my bill that my package comes with a friends and family plan. Is that built in, or can I take it off and save money? I don’t have the former, and I hate the latter.”

Hmm, I wonder why?