(Part of my husband’s responsibility is unlocking the office in the morning. This means that he has to do his best to be there before anyone else shows up. Normally, this isn’t a problem, because he is very conscientious. One day, however, our little girl decides to throw a tantrum as we are trying to get her ready for daycare, and this delays our departure by about twenty minutes. As I drive us to work, his cell phone starts ringing.)

Husband: “Hello?”

Coworker #1: “Where are you? I’m waiting outside for you to unlock the door!”

Husband: “I’m really sorry. My daughter didn’t want to get ready this morning, so I’m running late. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Coworker #1: “Well, hurry, okay?” *hangs up*

(His phone starts ringing again.)

Coworker #2: “Why aren’t you here yet?”

Husband: “Didn’t [Coworker #1] tell you? I’m running late.”

Coworker #2: “Running late? How long are we going to have to wait?”

Husband: “I’ll be there as soon as possible.” *hangs up*

(His phone starts ringing again.)

Supervisor: “I hear that no one has been able to start work yet because of your tardiness.”

Husband: “I’m hurrying! Traffic is bad. I’ll be there as fast as I can!”

Supervisor: “Well, see that you are.”

(His phone rings again several more times as we are driving, each time from another coworker berating him for being late. By the time he gets to work, he is practically in tears from frustration and misery that he’d inconvenienced everyone.)

Coworkers: “SURPRISE!”

Husband: “What?”

Supervisor: *with a broad grin* “We all waited here and took turns calling you! It was hilarious! *sees my husband’s face* “Um… it was supposed to be hilarious.”

Husband: *unlocks the door and goes to his desk without saying a word*

(His supervisor apologized to him afterward and bought him a coffee. She’d honestly thought that the prank would be funny and felt terrible that they’d upset him.)

(I work at a dry cleaner.)

Customer: “I am missing a jacket.” *hands me a ticket*

Boss: “This ticket is from 2011.”

Customer: “I know, but I just opened the garment bag yesterday to wear my outfit to church, and the jacket is missing. I want $100 as compensation.”

Boss: “There is no mention of a jacket on this order.”

Customer: “It is a three-piece suit. The dress, the jacket, and the scarf.”

Boss: “There is no jacket listed on the ticket. There are only a dress and a scarf.”

Customer: “Well, that is not my fault. I want my $100.”

Boss: “I’m sorry, but we were not even the owners of this business during that time. Besides, you waited seven years to come up here about this.”

Customer: “It doesn’t matter who the owners were. This is the same business regardless, and you better compensate me.”

Boss: “There is no evidence of a jacket, and we are not going to give you $100.”

Customer: “Then I will take whatever other clothes I have in here and find new cleaners because you won’t take responsibility.” *leaves angrily*

Me: *sideways eye contact with boss* “Well, she won’t be missed.”

(A lot of people assume that we keep the freshest fish hidden in the back, but if that’s what this customer meant, they chose the weirdest way to ask.)

Customer: “I want rainbow trout for tomorrow.”

Me: “Sure, right over there.”

Customer: “Those have today’s date on them.”

Me: “Yes, because I put them out today.”

Customer: “But I want it for tomorrow. Will it be okay?”

Me: “Of course. Look, the expiry date is four days from now.”

Customer: “I would rather have tomorrow’s date.”

Me: “I… You want fish with tomorrow’s date on it?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Then you’ll have to come back tomorrow.”

Customer: *stares*

Me: *forced chuckle* “I don’t have a time machine!”

Customer: “I understand.”

(Well, I don’t!)

(I am waiting at a popular electronics store that requires you to make an appointment to have your electronics examined when they are malfunctioning. I arrive about ten minutes before my appointment at 11:50 and wait to talk to someone. I go up to the lady who is checking people in.)

Me: “Do I check in with you?”

Employee: “Yes, you do. Can I get your name?”

Me: “Absolutely. It’s [My Name].”

Employee: “Hmmm, I’m not seeing you on the list. What time is your appointment?”

Me: “11:50.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, I don’t see you on the appointments for that time. Do you happen to have the confirmation email on your phone?”

(I roll my eyes, pull my phone out, and pull up the confirmation email. I show it to her and read it, saying specifically that my appointment is at 1:50, not 11:50. I look down in embarrassment.)

Me: “My appointment is at 1:50.”

Employee: “Mmhmm.”

Me: “I’ll see you later. I’m sorry I was rude. I was wrong.”

I work from home, but my job has hard deadlines, which means I have a lunch break from 12:00 to 12:30 pm within my eight-hour workday.

A few times a month, I splurge on restaurant-delivered food via a delivery app where a “worker” will go to the restaurant, pick up the food, and deliver it to me. They’ve been great in the past and have a large number of restaurants to order from… until recently.

I order early in the morning to get it out of the way, specifying delivery from 11:45 am to 12:15 pm.

One day, I ordered burgers and fries. The driver showed up at 11:15 am, forcing us to eat lunch early because that’s not really something you can reheat. I complained to the company and got a small “refund.”

I thought everything was fine, and it was a one-time mistake… until today.

I order early again, pizza, to be delivered from 11:45 am to 12:15 pm. The app has a tracking feature that shows where my driver is. At 11:30 am, I see he’s right outside my house, despite the fact that I gave an instruction to not deliver before 11:45 am. 

I go to the door to get the food, mad, only to find the driver sitting there in his car. I open the door. He sees me. He then drives off. I check the app and see that he drove down the road and stopped.

Fifteen minutes later, he drives back, parks, and delivers the food. I take the food but refuse to thank him as I usually do. They’re lucky the tip is calculated when the order is placed, because he wouldn’t have gotten a dime from me.