(A customer comes to the drive-thru at a time we would class as off-peak, where there are only three of us plus a manager in, and everything is made to order. Generally we manage fine and only get very small lines of customers who don’t mind waiting once they know it’s all fresh.)

Customer #1: “I want seven boxes of twenty chicken nuggets, and fifteen burgers — two with extra cheese, five without pickles — and fifteen packets of fries, but I want three of them unsalted.”

Me: *struggling to keep up with the demands* “Okay, your total is [total]. Drive to the first window to pay, please.”

(They pull up to the window. I explain that it’s going to take a while to prepare the order, so I ask them to park up and tell them that I will bring it out to them when it’s done.)

Customer #1: “Oh, it’s fine. I’ll just wait here.”

Me: “No, really I am happy to bring it out for you. If anyone else has a basic order like a drink, it means we can serve them and let them on their way while we wait for your food to cook.”

Customer #1: “Nope. You just focus on getting my order done, buddy. I’ll move when I have my order.”

(I walk away, as they obviously aren’t going to move, so I try to muck in and get the order done as quickly as possible. Much to my annoyance, we suddenly get a long line of cars pulling up outside, going all the way around our restaurant. More orders come in while we are stuck, unable to serve people behind with orders for drinks, desserts, and basic sandwiches that can be made up so quickly. Eleven minutes later, we finally have everything made up and send them on their way.)

Customer #2: *shakes head* “What was that all about? I could hear them yelling impatiently from back there!”

Me: “Yeah, sorry for your wait there. Just dealing with a big order.” *hands them their order* “Here is your order. Would you like any sauces with that?”

Customer #2: “These fries are soggy. I want new ones.”

Me: “Sorry about that. I’ll get some new ones put in for you now. Would you like a free drink while you wait? Then, if you could just park up there, that would be great, and I’ll bring it right out to you.”

Customer #2: “It’s fine; I’ll just wait here.”

Me: *screams internally*

(I worked here for a year, and two years before that in retail. Between the two jobs, I must have lost about ten years from my life expectancy with stress and despair. On my next shift, I walked in and presented my manager with a letter of resignation, and promised myself I would never work in a customer-facing role again.)

(A customer is standing in front of where the rolls are served on the buffet, but the pan is almost empty.)

Customer: “Are y’all going to put any more rolls on the buffet?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. They will be ready in five minutes.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. That’s fine.”

(I take five steps away from where she is standing, then immediately walk the five steps back.)

Customer: “Are they ready yet?”

Me: “Not yet.” *points to my watch* “They will take about five more minutes.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll come back.”

(I walk a few steps to the salad area to wipe the counter, and then she starts waving at me from the same spot she has been standing in.)

Customer: “Are they ready yet?”

Me: “…”

(I work tech support for a small US-based cell phone company. A customer calls in with an issue with the phone’s clock.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Sometimes my phone is in military time, and sometimes it’s not.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Is there a pattern? Are there certain times it shows military time?”

Customer: “Yes, actually. It shows the regular time between like midnight and noon, but as soon as it’s one pm it goes into military time until midnight again.”

Related:
A Lack Of Military Intelligence, Part 2
A Lack Of Military Intelligence

(I work at my mother’s cafe in an airport, where we make all of our food fresh. To give an example of this situation that happens at least once a day, I will use the customer that just came to our counter. He is booked for the 2:00 flight, which usually opens the security checkpoint at 1:15. He has stepped into the cafe at 12:15. He grabs a juice out of the cooler and comes up to the counter with it.)

Me: “Hello. Will that be all, sir?”

Customer: “Ah, yeah. I’ve got two hours before my flight, so I might get something to eat later.”

Me: *knows where this is going* “All right, that’ll be [price].”

(The customer pays and takes a seat at one of our tables. An hour passes until the airport speaker comes on.)

Speaker: “For those passengers who have checked in and received a boarding pass for [flight], the security checkpoint is now open, and we ask that you please process through security in preparation for boarding.”

Customer: *comes up to the counter* “I’ll have a bacon double cheeseburger, with onion rings and a large [soda], and please make it quick because we’re about to board.”

(I’m an assistant manager for a discount retail store, and my cashier calls me up to the register. A customer is standing there with a huge box. At this particular discount store customers can place online orders that can be shipped to their homes or to their nearest store.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I ordered this a while ago and it’s been sitting in my house. I don’t need them anymore. I want to return them.”

(I see the box has a shipping label meaning it was sent to her home. If it was sent to us, I could quickly look it up in our computer and do the refund, but because it was sent to her house, I have to call the online order customer service.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Unfortunately, I am not able to do the refund because it is an online order. Do you have you invoice number with you? I have to call—”

Customer: *calm demeanor completely changes from calm to almost a frustrated sadness* “I don’t have the time! I was in the hospital for a while and almost died! I don’t even have a computer. Just sell it to whoever!”

(The customer starts walking away, and I try to stop her from leaving so I can try and get her a refund.)

Me: “Ma’am I can help you out; just give me a minute!”

Customer: *as she is almost running out the door* “I don’t have the time! My daughter is in labor! I have to go!”

(My cashier and I just stand there and exchange a, “Did that just happen?” kind of look.)

Cashier: “What the h***?”

Me: “I know. Never a dull moment here.”

(Fortunately, I was able to get the customer her refund. Too bad she didn’t stick around long enough to find out.)