Jesus Can Come Back In The Morning

, , , , , | Right | June 23, 2017

(This story was told to me by a coworker a few years after the event. On the evening of September 11, 2001, the restaurant is full of customers buying food or just a coffee discussing the day’s events with each other. The store closes at midnight, but many customers have lost track of the time and stay. The doors to the lobby are typically locked at 11 pm, so staff has had to help customers leave during the last hour and during cleaning. Most customers have left by midnight, but two old women remain talking to each other. Finally, the cleaning is finished and the staff is ready to clock out and go home, at about 1 am.)

Coworker: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Woman: “Yes?”

Coworker: “We closed an hour ago. We’re getting ready to shut the lights off and go home.”

Woman: “Oh, we didn’t mean to keep you! But… have you heard about the power of Jesus?”

(Tired and exhausted, my coworker winds up replying:)

Coworker: “Ma’am, if you don’t go, you’re going to feel the power of Satan!”

The Picture Of An Impossible Request

, , , , , | Right | June 23, 2017

Customer: *dropping off film* “How long will this take?”

Me: “About an hour.”

Customer: “I’m in a hurry; can you make it 20 minutes?”

Me: “It takes at least 40 minutes to develop and print film, and that’s if I have nothing else going on.”

Customer: “So it can’t be done in 20 minutes?”

Keep A Watchful Eye On That One

, , , , , | Right | June 22, 2017

Customer: “Hi, I was in here earlier and I left my watch here. I called corporate, and they said I could just come back and get a new one.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “I was in sometime between 5 and 5:30 today when I left my watch.”

(This is taking place at 1:30 pm.)

Me: “We… wouldn’t have been open.”

Customer: “I have to track everywhere I go for my work. I can show you.”

(Customer begins pulling something up on her phone.)

Me: “This store opens at 8:00 am.”

Customer: “Okay, it was at 3:30 pm that I was in.”

Me: “…Today?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “It’s 1:30; it hasn’t been 3:30 yet.”

Customer: “Is there a manager I could talk to about this?”

(While I call for the manager, she continues to talk.)

Customer: “Look, I know that you try your hardest, but I think it would be better if I talked this over with a manager.”

(After I hang up the phone, she gestures to the back of the store.)

Customer: “I’ll just take care of it meanwhile. Are they back there?”

Me: “No, that’s our pharmacy. The manager will be up here soon—”

Customer: “No, I mean your watches.”

Me: “We… don’t sell watches.”

Customer: “I can show you that I got it here. I have the bag in my car.”

(The customer walks out of the store just as my manager reaches the front.)

Manager: “Did you still need me?”

Me: “I’m really not sure…”

(If she ever returned, it wasn’t before the end of my shift a half hour later, so I can only guess at what she was talking about!)

Well, Look What The Sewage Dragged In

, , , , | Right | June 20, 2017

(My store’s sump pump has stopped working and caused raw sewage to back up into the store. We have closed the store until the plumber is able to fix the problem and a hazmat team can come and clean everything. All the doors have signs saying we are closed. Unfortunately for me, policy says that whenever workers are in the store a supervisor has to be in the store with them as well. I am that supervisor. I am sitting in the customer area in one of the only spots I can sit without being in sewage. Since we closed customers have come up, read the sign, and left. A few tried the handle first, then when they couldn’t open it read the sign, and left. I’m sitting in the back watching but there isn’t much I can do. A customer comes up to the door and tries it. It doesn’t open. She pulls harder. She walks around to the other door and tries that one. Then she goes back to the first and then back to the second. She then comes over to the window that is next to where I am sitting. There is a shrub that runs the length of this side of the store from the door all the way back. She forces her way through the shrub and starts banging on the window. She bangs harder. Finally I get up because she isn’t leaving and go to the side door, the one closest to her.)

Me: “Ma’am, we’re closed.”

Customer: “Finally! Your doors are stuck.”

Me: “No, we’re closed. They are locked.”

Customer: “It’s very unprofessional for you to just be sitting on the job. It’s very lazy of you.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re closed. We are having technical issues and I can’t let anyone in.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve been here for 30 minutes and I demand a drink for free! I got mud all over my shoes and it’s your fault for having doors that wouldn’t open!”

Me: *standing near sewage* “Ma’am, we’re closed. I am closing the door now. Our competitor is across the parking lot. I suggest you go there.”

(I then close and relock the door, not sure how she has missed the horrible smell that is coming from the store. After a few more minutes she leaves in a huff. The next day I’m working and the phone rings so I pick it up.)

Customer: “I came by yesterday and the person working was being lazy and locked the door because they didn’t want to help anyone! Because of them my shoes were ruined and I was late getting back from my lunch break!”

Me: “Ma’am, that was me. We were closed, the door was locked, the lights were out, and there were signs. What else did you want us to do?”

Customer: “Well, Google said you were open, so you should have been open!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we can’t know ahead of time when things are going to break causing us to close the store. I’m hanging up now.”

(And I did. She left a one star online review about us not being open during business hours and the lazy employees.)

Only Pill They Need Is A Chill Pill

, , , , , | Right | June 16, 2017

(My store usually opens at 10 every morning, except for Sunday on which we open at 1. In order to open the store I have to be there by 12, which sometimes leads to people trying to open the door before realizing we’re closed. Today I show up early and happen to watch someone make their way to the door and try to open it, before heading back to his car. Once his car is running I get out and make my way to the door to open it, but notice the man has gotten out of the car and is following me. Not wanting him to try to follow me inside I turn and smile.)

Me: *smiling brightly* “Hi.”

Customer: “Hi, are you opening?

Me: “Not for another hour, sir.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, can I just run in and grab something real quick?”

Me: “Um… sorry, but we can’t let anyone in the store before we’re open.”

Customer: “But you’re right here! I just need some pills.”

(This is pretty common. As an ‘adult novelty’ store, we sell ‘Herbal Supplements.’)

Me: *still smiling* “Like I said, I can’t let anyone in the store, but if you come back in an hour—”

Customer: *interrupting and starting to yell* “BUT YOU’RE RIGHT F***ING HERE! I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU CAN’T LET ME GET MY F***ING PILLS!”

Me: *taken back by the sudden flip* “W-well, we’re not—”

Customer: *interrupting again* “LISTEN HERE, YOU LITTLE B****, JUST OPEN THE F***ING DOOR!”

(Just as the customer starts walking towards me, the cop car that tends to patrol the area since we’ve had a few break-ins in the shopping center pulls up.)

Cop: “Is there a problem here?”

Customer: *calming down just a bit* “Yeah, this person’s not letting me in her store!”

Cop: *turning to me* “Are you guys even open yet?”

Me: “No! We don’t open for another hour!”

Customer: “But you’re here, and I just want my pills!”

Me: *fed up, and more confident thanks to the cop* “Well, the credit card machine’s not booted up, I’m not logged into the system, there’s no cash in the till, and it’ll take an hour to even get ready to even take your payment!”

Customer: “But… but… UGH, FINE! But I’m calling your corporate to complain!” *storms off as the cop and I share a look*

(I later learned he did actually complain, but were met with not only laughter, but a ban from our stores for aggressive actions towards a sales rep!)

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