Gauging Your Favorite Color

, , , , | Right | April 23, 2019

(I work in a body piercing store.)

Customer: “Can I have one of these, please?” *pointing to the display of different-sized tapers for stretching piercings to larger gauges*

Me: “Of course. What size do you need?”

Customer: “A blue one.”

Me: “…”

We Used To Have Dragon, But They’re Harder To Come By These Days

, , , , | Working | April 23, 2019

(I’m living briefly in England, not known for the availability of half-decent wings. I find a place that has good ones, and knowing that they probably come in frozen, I want to know what brand they are so I can look for them in the grocery store.)

Me: “What kind of wings are these?”

Waiter: *with a perfectly straight face* “Chicken.”

When The Tea-Light Goes Out The Dark Souls Come Out

, , , , , | Right | April 23, 2019

(A customer comes in with an oil burner he bought the previous week, which he wants to return as he says it is faulty. Our store will accept returns only in the case of goods being faulty.)

Me: “No problem. Let’s have a look… What’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “The bowl isn’t deep enough. The oil dried up before the tea-light finished burning, and now there’s a stain on the inside of the bowl. It’s shoddy.”

Me: “Erm. You need to top it up with oil now and again to make sure it doesn’t burn dry—“

Customer: “No! It’s faulty! It’s not fit for purpose! The bowl should be deeper so that the oil lasts the same time as the tea-light!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there isn’t a standard rule for oil burner bowl sizes. I can’t give you a refund for a product you’ve used if it’s not fa—“

Customer: “IT IS FAULTY!”

Me: “It’s not faulty. You shouldn’t leave a burning candle unattended—“

Customer: “This is fraud! You are fraudulent! It’s £5! Give me my money back. You’ve conned me. You may have a nice face, but you have a dark soul. A dark soul!”

(My manager escorted the customer out of the shop.)

Behaving Like A (B)Rat

, , , , , | Right | April 20, 2019

(I work in a place that is well known for sausage rolls and coffee. All is going well for a quiet Tuesday afternoon and I haven’t served a customer in about five minutes. In comes an old fella who I don’t recognize as a regular. He places a sandwich on the counter. I ask in my usual friendly way, as upselling is an unfortunate part of the job:)

Me: “You can get a hot or cold drink with that for an extra 40p.”

Customer: *replies, colder than the British weather this week* “Did I say I wanted a drink?”

Me: *a little taken aback by his sour tone* “No, but I am required to ask.”

Customer: *grumbling hard* “I don’t want a d*** drink. All you want is to make me spend more money. I don’t like spending money.”

(Makes me wonder why he bothered coming in to buy anything in the first place, but I don’t say it aloud.)

Me: “Okay, then. That’s [price] on its own.”

Customer: *with an attitude like a toddler and obviously trying to pick a fight* “No, I don’t want it now. I wouldn’t feed it to the rats.”

Me: “That’s fine.”

(He huffs off and leaves. I am too caught off-guard to even make a witty comment about the ironic situation. About thirty minutes later, he returns. Luckily, my boss is on a break and I’m the only one here; otherwise, I’d never normally be this naughty.)

Customer: *a little less bitter now* “Two sausage rolls.”

Me: “You want sausage rolls from here? I’m sorry, but I can only give these to the rats.”

(I eventually got a small apology out of him — I was astounded! — and the rest of the transaction went all right. Just goes to show that sometimes it’s good to be a little cocky back, even if you’re not supposed to.)

Unfiltered Story #147190

, , , | Unfiltered | April 20, 2019

I work in a restaurant, which although are made to look independent are actually part of the same chain so we all have the same menu. I served these 2 guys one lunchtime

me: hi guys can I get you any desserts

customer 1: I’ve got a question. Are these all the deserts you do? You don’t do any cheesecake?

me: nope just these desserts listed here

customer 1: so no cheesecake then

me: no, all the desserts that are listed on our dessert menu are the desserts we sell

customer 1: so you’ve got no cheesecake then?

me: no just these

customer 1: okay, I’ll have the brownie

(as I turn to look at the other guy, before I say anything) customer 2: so no cheesecake then?

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