Customer: “Is your pork halal?”
Me: “Sir… do you know what halal means?”
Customer: “Actually, no, but I started seeing places advertising that they used halal meat. I assume that it’s a good thing because otherwise, why advertise it?”
I explain what halal actually means.
Customer: “Ah, I understand. I won’t have any of that then, I’ll save it for the ethnics…”
I work in a department store connected to a mall. A woman is buying a small item at my counter. She has a huge designer bag on one shoulder and a smaller bag on the other. She’s being subtle, but I spot her take a small piece of biscuit from the small bag and place it into the big bag. I just about make out the tiniest of snouts reach out to eat it.
Me: “Madam, do you have a dog in there?”
Customer: *Going red.* “Sorry! I know you’re not allowed dogs in here, but I just can’t bear leaving them at home, and—”
Me: “—Madam, dogs aren’t allowed in the supermarket on the ground floor. Well-behaved dogs on leashes are allowed on all the floors above that.”
Customer: “Really?!”
Me: “Haha, yes, really!”
She doesn’t hesitate. She places the huge bag on the ground and reveals the tiniest puppy Pomeranian I’ve ever seen.
Me: “Oh my God! So cute!”
And then another Pom wanders out of the bag. Now I know why she said ‘them’ when referring to them earlier.
But then out comes another.
And another.
Admittedly, this bag was huge, and these puppies are TEENSY TINY, but she had four of them in there!
She lines them all up orderly, all leashed up and wearing cute little harnesses, and says:
Customer: “Come on, kiddos! You’re going to help mummy pick out a new dining set!”
Related:
Pomerania-Mania
I work in one of the gift shops in a large Natural History Museum. We sell lots of rocks and crystals, and have a few expensive items on display for the enthusiast. One of them is a very large geode with some very impressive and colourful quartz crystals that we’ve had on display for a while, going for about £3,000.
Customer: “I want that colourful rock.”
Me: *Eyes widening.* “The geode? This large one here?”
Customer: “Yeah. It’s big, though. Do you do delivery?”
Me: “Yes, absolutely!”
Because this is an expensive purchase, my manager steps over and starts going through some information with the customer, such as delivery costs.
Customer: “Wait, this thing costs money?”
Manager: *Confused.* “Uh… yes, ma’am. That geode costs £3,000.”
Customer: “What the f***?! This is a gift shop! Gifts are free!”
Manager: *Considerably more confused.* “Uh… ma’am, this is a shop that sells items for money, like every other shop in the world. You can buy items here to keep for yourself, or gift to others, but you have to buy them.”
Customer: “F*** this place! I’d never have come in here if I’d known you a***holes wanted money!”
So, this woman wanders into a gift shop (ignoring the ‘shop’ part), spots the largest thing in the shop and just wants it? For free? If everything in the shop was a ‘free gift’, then why did she think all the other customers picking up the little £3 crystals in the bins were ignoring the big-ticket items?
I get an angry caller:
Caller: “Why have you charged me all these fees!”
Me: “It looks like you had a lot of payments happen on the same day that took your account into overdraft.”
Caller: “And my account has overdraft protection!”
Me: “Yes, madam, that means we will allow a bill or item to be paid, essentially overdrawing you, without the bill being returned or the purchase being denied.”
Caller: “But you charged me fees!”
Me: “Unfortunately, the bank’s policy allows a fee charged per item that overdraws your account.”
Caller: “I want my money back!”
Me: “I’d be happy to waive some of the fees for you.”
Caller: “No! I want all the money back you charged me for!”
Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. I can waive the fees for the first two items, but it looks like you had about ten direct debits all come out on the same day.”
Caller: “Well, yeah! I signed up for all of those because I thought the bank would protect me! You promised me protection!”
Me: “As I said, madam, that’s not what overdraft protection means.”
Caller: “Well, what can you do for me?”
Me: “I can remove the overdraft protection so that any items presented to your account that would overdraw you would be returned.”
Caller: “But that means the payments won’t go through!”
Me: “But then you wouldn’t have to pay any bank fees on them either.”
Caller: “I would never have gotten an account with you if I knew I’d have to have money in my account!”
My husband is just about to start a new job abroad, coming home for one week every month. We’ve had to put moving house on hold, and I’ve had to delay my lifelong dream to get a dog. We’ve both agreed that this is a great opportunity for his career, and the job market isn’t good enough to argue. But it still sucks. While he’s packing to leave, we had the following conversation.
Me: “I’m going to miss you when you’re away.”
Husband: “No, you won’t, you’ll replace me in the first week.”
Me: “You know I don’t have time for that. Where would I even look for a replacement?”
Husband: “At the animal shelter?”
