Hair Comes Trouble

, , , | Friendly | December 8, 2017

(My friends and I are going on holiday together. For one of them, this is his first ever flight, and his first time even at an airport. He’s a large bearded man, but a total kid. Understandably, he’s incredibly excited. He’s also not great with common sense.)

Friend: “Come on guys! Let’s go! Let’s go!”

(At this point, he’s literally bouncing up and down with his gigantic backpack on.)

Me: “Slow down, [Friend]; we need to clear our bags with security first.”

Friend: “Sweet! Race you there!”

Me: “[Friend], NO!”

(Cue a large, bearded man sprinting headlong towards security with a gigantic backpack. We practically had to tackle him. He honestly didn’t understand what he’d done wrong.)

Politely Depressing

, , , , , | Related | December 8, 2017

(Our parents are out at the theatre, so my brothers and I are left at home. Some time after they leave, my younger brother asks to speak to me upstairs in our room, looking sad. I go up and he starts crying, stressed and sad because of a combination of puberty hormones and tonsillitis. His nose starts bleeding, which is common for him, and I usher him into the bathroom, trying to calm him down. Our older brother storms up the stairs. It should be noted that he has a habit of not noticing his tone, so we often have to ask him to be more polite.)

Older Brother: *angrily* “Can you please stop crying? It’s really depressing!”

Me: “Are you f****** kidding me?! GET DOWNSTAIRS, NOW! HE’S BLOODY SOBBING HIS EYES OUT, AND ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS THAT IT DEPRESSES YOU?! GET THE F*** OUT OF HERE!”

(My brother makes an indignant face and storms off downstairs. He turns back to fling this at me.)

Brother: “I asked POLITELY!”

They’ll Get It In A Minute

, , , , | Right | December 6, 2017

(I work at an amusement park. I’m just heading on my break when a guest approaches me.)

Guest: “Excuse me, what time does [ride] open?”

Me: “Eleven o’clock.”

Guest: “And what time is it now?”

Me: “Twenty-five minutes to eleven.”

Guest: “So, how long do I have to wait?”

Unfiltered Story #101121

, , , | Unfiltered | December 5, 2017

(I am 13 and in a car accident with my grandmother and sister. I get horrendous back pain and whip lash after a man decides it is a great idea to open his car door onto the road. I can’t bend down, and eventually my mum takes me to the local walk-in health centre. We wait for over an hour to see someone and eventually we are taken through to see the nurse. She is a young girl but seems to know what she is doing so when she asks me to take an unwind test, I don’t know any better and provide one for her. A few minutes later she comes back into the room and speaks to my mum.)

Nurse: “Well she isn’t pregnant.”

(I just stare at her for a moment, trying to understand what she is saying. I am a 13-year-old girl and don’t honestly know much about sex, never mind being pregnant. My mum’s mouth gapes open for a few seconds flapping like a fish.)

Mum: “What! I know she’s not pregnant. She was in a car crash and is suffering from pain in her back.”

(The nurse suddenly comes over in realisation of what she has said.)

Nurse: “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise how old she was”

Mum: “What do you mean you didn’t realise? She’s 13 years old; she’s not a f****** tramp. Oh my god, I can’t believe you just came to that conclusion with her back pain; I even explained to you what the problem was and you still assumed a young smart girl like her would be so f****** stupid?!”

(I shrank away as my mums voice rose over the sound of the curtains, the nurse practically cowaring in the corner and before long my mum was demanding to see another nurse. I will never forget the look of horror on that woman’s face, i’m 25 now and pretty sure i’m still not pregnant. Back pain is gone though.)

Periodically Stupid

, , , , , | Working | December 3, 2017

(For the past few months, I have been having heavy periods and horrific pain, so bad that I ended up going to A&E twice in one week. Eventually, I get a gynaecology appointment, a month after my emergency trips, though at a hospital I have never been to. However, it is the earliest available date and I need it. After a few questions…)

Doctor: “Do you use birth control?”

Me: “No. I’ve never had sex. It causes me so much pain that I have to stop immediately. I can’t even have physical examinations, because the smallest equipment hurts so much.”

Doctor: “Is there any chance that you are pregnant?”

Me: “…”

(I’m now waiting for another appointment to pop up.)

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