What Do Flying Pigs, Unicorns, And Sensible Customers Have In Common?

, , , , | Right | March 29, 2020

(I have just filled up with fuel and have popped in to pay for it. Whilst I am in there, I decide to buy a bag of chocolates for my step-daughter. The queue isn’t long and I am soon at the front, making small talk with the friendly cashier.)

Cashier: “Up to much this weekend?”

Me: “I’m working on Saturday, but I’m free on Sunday; I’ll probably go out on Sunday with my other half for a nice walk. What about you? Doing anything exciting?”

Cashier: “I’m working here all weekend.”

Me: “Sounds like fun.”

(By this point, I have finished my transaction and am just about to head off.)

Me: “May all your customers be sensible.”

Cashier: *pointing out of the window* “See that over there?”

Me: “What?”

Cashier: “You see that unicorn over there?”

Me: “Ah, yes, it’s being chased by a flying pig.”

(We laugh and I return to my car. Just as I am getting in, a voice comes over the tannoy:)

Cashier: “Pump number eleven, you left your goods.”

(I look over to the kiosk and see the cashier waving the bag of chocolates. As I head over to retrieve them, I see through the window that the cashier has handed them to a customer, who brings them out to me.)

Customer: “Yours, I believe?”

Me: “Thank you. And can you please thank him and apologise for me? Tell him that I was distracted by the flying unicorn!”

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Paying By Card Can Be A Backwards Affair

, , , | Right | March 29, 2020

(I am working in a box office for a theatre and am on the phone with a customer whose order is nearly complete.)

Me: “Okay, if you could just read out the sixteen-digit card number on the front of your card, please?”

Customer: “Would you like that number from left to right?”

Me: *pause* “Yes.”

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Unfiltered Story #190962

, , , | Unfiltered | March 29, 2020

(I’m an immigrant living and working in the UK. We’ve just opened and I’m standing at the till. A customer makes a beeline for me from outside and plunks her purse on my counter.)

Customer: Do you have a fiver in your till for change?

Me: I’m sorry, I can’t make change.

(There are a lot of problems with counterfeiting where I live so management is very strict on this point.)

Customer: Oh, just come on, I don’t have time for this!

Me: I’m sorry, ma’m, I’m just not allowed.

Customer: *screaming* Cambridge is a dump! *grabs her purse and storms away, utterly ignoring me as I, for some reason, continue to try to help her.*

Me: But… there’s a bank nearby…?

(So much for that famous British reserve and politeness!)

A History Of Violence

, , , , , | Right | March 28, 2020

Working in a small military museum in London, I’m used to hearing a lot of stupid questions from tourists, but the crowning glory had to be from one little old American lady who asked me, “Does your museum have anything violent in it?”. She was clearly missing the point that members of the military, throughout their history, do tend to engage in a fair amount of violence!

Don’t quite know what she expected to find in a regimental museum of a British Army regiment that’s been fighting since the 1600s!

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Unfiltered Story #190948

, , | Unfiltered | March 28, 2020

I’m a customer in this story, browsing through a well-known charity shop with my mum when a customer approaches the charity shop counter.

Customer: (slightly brusque tone) Do you sell anything new?

Staff-member: (looking surprised) No, this is a charity shop.

Customer lets out an annoyed grunt and walks out.