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F! As In WTF!

, , , , , | Working | September 27, 2021

I am talking on the phone with someone from the administrative office about documents that we scan every day. The documents in question are labeled with two letters and six numbers, like AB123456. The lady I am talking to has hearing problems but won’t admit it, since she claimed she couldn’t hear a loud coworker when he was yelling into the phone.

Me: “Okay, I just scanned in a document.”

Admin: “What’s the number?”

Me: “LF987654.”

Admin: “LS987?”

Me: “No, LF. Lima foxtrot.”

Admin: “L like ‘lima,’ S like ‘Sam’?”

Me: “No. L like ‘lima,’ F like ‘foxtrot,’ or ‘Frank,’ or ‘finale.’”

Admin: “So, LS987123?”

Me: “No. Lima foxtrot 987654.”

Admin: “So, L like ‘lima,’ S like ‘Sam’?”


An Interesting De-Termination

, , , , , | Related | September 21, 2021

I’m chatting with my sister on the phone about the global health crisis. Unfortunately, I’ve been distracted by video games lately, particularly one where you play as an assassin.

Sister: “And there are some businesses that require a vaccine or else you can be terminated.”

Me: “Wow, that’s a little extreme.”

Sister: “What?”

Me: *Realization dawning* “Other kind of ‘terminated’. Right. Sorry.”

Sister: *Jokingly* “Either way, I guess you’re getting shot.”

Fluent In English And Jerk

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: Chiara699 | September 16, 2021

I’m originally from a small town in Southern Italy, but I study foreign languages — one of which is English — in a big city. During summer holidays, I go back home and occasionally work in different supermarkets giving out free samples of new products. I work for an agency, not for the supermarket, and I rarely work in the same place enough to know where stuff is.

In summer 2019, I am minding my own business, giving out free samples of mozzarella. This guy comes up to me.

Customer: *In English* “Where are the chips?”

He talks VERY slowly, but we rarely get any foreign tourists, so I assume most people he has spoken to didn’t know English very well.

I don’t know where the chips are, so I try to tell him I don’t work here.

Me: “Sorry, I don’t—”

He cuts me off, thinking I am about to say, “I don’t speak English,” turns to his wife, and says something along the lines of:

Customer: “Jesus, do these people even go to school?”

Then, he turns to me and starts describing chips (I think) with his hands. I am starting to get really annoyed. First of all, YOU are in Italy, talking to an Italian in English, being outraged that I don’t speak YOUR language. Second, I do speak English, but you cut me off before I could answer.

Me: “Sir, I know what chips are. I just don’t know where they are located specifically in this store. As you can see from my attire and my badge, I’m not employed by the supermarket. I work for an independent agency. Oh! And I did go to school. I can actually speak five languages. How many can you speak?”

His face turned red. He mumbled something and left. I hope he never found the chips.

Dad Gets An F

, , , , , , , , | Right | September 15, 2021

I work in the childcare area at a gym. There is a three-year-old who is walking around flipping off the teachers and other kids in the room. He also has said, “F*** you,” to a few of the kids. When the parents pick him up, I have a conversation with them. 

Me: “Hi there, I hope your workout was good. Can we chat really quick?”

Mom: “What’s up?”

Me: *In a quiet voice* “I just wanted to make you aware that we had a few problems today with [Child]. He was flipping off some of the teachers and other kids, and I caught him using the F-word.”

Mom looks baffled and Dad has an “Oh, crap!” expression on his face.

Mom:What?! That’s impossible! He doesn’t even know that word. I’m home all day with him and I don’t use that word! There’s no way he used that word or flipped anyone off.”

Mom continues to rant at me, implying that I’m not telling the truth.

Dad: *To their son* “Were you flipping people off and saying ‘f***’?”

Son: “Uh-huh!”

Mom: *To her son* “Where did you learn that from?!”

Son: “From Dad when he yells at other cars!”

Dad looked like he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him, and Mom stopped yelling. They quickly left, with Mom now yelling at Dad.

Giving You A Grilling About The Spice

, , | Right | September 14, 2021

I work at a popular chicken chain. I answer the phone in the early afternoon.

Me: “[Chicken Chain, Location], this is [My Name]. How may I serve you?”

The caller sounds like a man on the slightly older side.

Caller: “Hello, I was in yesterday afternoon, and ordered two of the spicy but asked for the grilled on it instead, but when we got home to eat our food, they had the spicy on them! My wife can’t have spicy; it’s too strong for her. So, I called twice last night and nobody answered, and nobody answered the messages I left, and I called this morning and nobody answered the phone then, either.”

Me: “I’m very sorry about that. I don’t know why they didn’t pick up or return your calls last night, but I know we were fairly busy this morning, so that’s probably why no one was able to pick up the phone today. But you’re through now. Unfortunately, I don’t really have the authority to do anything for you, but if you’ll wait one minute, I’ll go find my manager.”

This is not strictly true, as I do have some leeway to offer solutions to guests, but what he has said confuses me slightly, and I would rather have a manager’s authority behind it. I mute the phone and find my manager.

Me: “This guy says he came in yesterday and ordered two spicy sandwiches but wanted them to be the grilled ones because his wife can’t handle spicy? And then he got the regular spicy ones, anyway, it sounds like. I’m not really sure what exactly he’s trying to say.”

Our spicy sandwich and our grilled sandwich are two totally separate menu items and don’t even come in the same packaging. The only way this could have happened is either if the person ringing it in only heard the “spicy” part or if whoever was bagging orders was REALLY not paying attention.

My manager also looks confused but takes the phone and starts talking to the guest. After a few minutes, she comes over to me, chuckling a little.

Manager: “So, that guy told me about what he told you, and I was just as confused as you were, so I repeated it back to him: ‘So, you ordered two spicy sandwiches, but you wanted the grilled chicken on them?’ And he said, ‘No, no, we ordered the spicy salads!‘”

Me: “Oh, my goodness, that makes so much more sense!”

Each of our three salads comes with a particular type of chicken by default, but you can trade that out for any other type of chicken that we offer. He wanted the salad that usually comes with spicy chicken, but he wanted it with grilled chicken, instead. That is a much smaller distinction on our “put this in the bag” board, and it makes much more sense why the bagger would have made that mistake.

I would have known what he was talking about right away if he had actually said that he had ordered salads! When he didn’t specify, I assumed that he meant the sandwiches, which we serve a lot more of. Use all your words, people!