Where There’s Smoke Alarms…

, , , , | Right | February 16, 2018

(I work in a hardware store. A customer comes in.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to return this smoke alarm.”

Me: “Okay. Can I pull up your details?”

(He did indeed buy items on the day in question, but not a smoke alarm.)

Me: “Sir, the smoke alarm doesn’t match anything on your receipt I pulled up.”

Customer: “Well, I bought it here!”

Me: “Let me try something else, then.”

(I set a portable scanner to check barcodes. It comes up with an error saying the barcode isn’t in our database.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We do not carry this item. It’s not in our database, and we use this across the entire chain.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I’m telling you I bought this here at [Store] yesterday! It’s in mint condition! You have an agreement on your receipts that I have thirty days to change my mind!”

Me: “Sir, sorry, but is now a bad time to point out that the bag you pulled the smoke alarm from has [Competitor] written on it?”

(The customer blanches and looks at it.)

Me: *pointing in direction of [Competitor]* “Two doors down; you can’t miss it.”

(The customer grabbed the smoke alarm and was off like a shot.)

A Large Idiot

, , , , | Right | February 15, 2018

(This customer comes through the drive-thru.)

Customer: “Hello. I’d like an iced capp, please.”

Me: “What size would you like?”

Customer: *raises his voice* “An iced capp.”

Me: “Okay, sir. What size would you like?”

Customer: *practically yelling* “What’s so f****** difficult to understand? I want a f****** iced capp.”

Me: *I raise my voice a little* “Okay, sir. I understand you want an iced capp, but what size would you like?”

Customer: “Oh, uh… large.”

(When he drove up to the window, he was completely silent and said nothing to the cashier.)

Has A Sudden Lens Flare

, , , , | Healthy | February 15, 2018

(I have just moved to a new area, and I decide to try out the local optometrist to get new contact lenses. I book the appointment, and the doctor asks me to come in with my current prescription and their respective casings. The day of the appointment, I wake up with the most horrible stomach pain, but I decide to suck it up and go to the appointment. The doctor is very cheerful and friendly. She asks if I’m currently wearing my lenses while she looks at my old prescription, and I tell her I am. A few minutes into my eye test, she sighs in wonder.)

Doctor: “I don’t understand why your previous doctor has you on such a high prescription! You should be on a -1, at most!”

(I’m quite taken aback, as my previous doctor in my hometown is one of the most acclaimed optometrists in the country, and I have been wearing -3 prescription lenses for over a year without any problems.)

Me: “That’s really weird. I’m blind as a bat without these lenses. Even when I started wearing glasses, I was at least a -2.”

Doctor: “You shouldn’t be able to read this chart at all with your eyes. I’m really not sure what’s going on here.”

Me: *pause* “You are aware I’m still wearing my lenses, right?”

Doctor: “…”

Me: “…”

(Turns out we were having such a nice chat that she’d completely forgotten to ask me to take them out, and I was so focused on my stomach pain that I hadn’t thought to ask. We had a good laugh about it, and the rest of the test went smoothly! She’s one of the nicest doctors I’ve been to in a long time, and she gave me a good chuckle on a bad Monday morning!)

They Are Totally Out Of Order

, , , , , | Working | February 15, 2018

(My boyfriend and I are at a café waiting for my sister. The waitress comes and gives us menus. We take some minutes to choose and are ready to order.)

Waitress #1: “Hello! Are you ready to order?”

Me: “Yes! I’m interested in a cappuccino, but do you have any plant-based milks available?”

Waitress #1: “Yes, we do; we have soy, almond, and oat milk.”

Me: “Oh, that’s great! We’ll have two cappuccinos with almond milk, a salad, and a [Meal].”

Waitress #1: “Great. I’ll be right back with the drinks.”

(A couple of minutes later she returns with our drinks. We enjoy the coffee and chat. About half an hour later, my sister arrives and joins us. [Waitress #2] takes my sister’s order. We tell her we have already ordered. All seems well. My sister gets her food, even though we ordered about half an hour prior to her. I start to notice that most of the customers who came after us are eating their food already. I go to the register to address the concern.)

Me: “Hey. I’m sorry, but we ordered about an hour ago and still haven’t gotten our food. Unfortunately, I don’t have much time left.”

Waitress #1: “It’s very busy, and there’s a waiting time of about an hour. The cooks are already preparing your meal; it should be out soon. I can tell the cooks to hurry up.”

Me: “Oh, all right. Thank you!”

(I ordered a salad that doesn’t need much preparing time. Later the waitress comes to our table.)

Waitress #1: “So, the kitchen doesn’t have your order. Who took your order?”

Me: *baffled at this point* “You were the one that took our order.”

(She shows me her notebook at a random page.)

Waitress #1: “See? There’s no order! You didn’t order. What did you order?”

Me: “Two cappuccinos, a salad, and a [Meal].”

Waitress #1: “I’ll be right back with your cappuccinos.”

Me: “No, you already brought us our cappuccinos an hour ago. Look: I’d just like to pay for the coffee and leave.”

(Just to be sure, I went to the cashier to pay. I’ve never in my life had a waitress show me her notebook. She never did apologize for that situation. Later I realised I could’ve just left without paying anything, since I “never placed an order.”)

This Close To Giving You Side-Eye

, , , | Right | February 15, 2018

(My friend and I walk to a restaurant to grab a bite to eat. They have a special where you can get a sandwich or salad, and then something else on the side.)

Friend: “Can I have the salad and side special?”

Cashier: “Sure thing. What kind of salad would you like?”

Friend: “The Cobb salad, please.”

Cashier: “Okay. Would you like soup, mac and cheese, or coleslaw on the side?”

Friend: “Yes.”

Cashier: “Um… Soup, mac and cheese, or coleslaw?”

Friend: “Yes.”

Me: “[Friend], you can only have one.”

Friend: “Huh?”

Me: “You keep saying, ‘Yes,’ when he asks which side you want.”

Friend: “Oh! I’m so sorry! My head is somewhere else. I’d like a tomato soup on the side.”

(The three of us had a good laugh.)

Page 1/9112345...Last
Next »