I get a tech support ticket sent through.

Ticket: “Need help with the Outlook.”

That’s it. That’s the entire ticket. Most users are courteous enough to post screenshots or detailed descriptions. Not this person. Also, an executive.

Me: “I’m sorry, but your request is lacking in detail. Are you getting error messages? What are you trying to do exactly?”

User: “Outlook offline and spotty.”

Me: “Can you send a screenshot?”

A screenshot is sent. The issue, which he didn’t explain for crap, was that Outlook’s Work Offline toggle was enabled. Kind of important information to exclude, but whatever. That’s an easy fix.

Me: “Search for Work Offline in the search bar at the top of your Outlook window and toggle it under Actions. That will fix the issue.”

User: “No, it just returns results about offline emails.”

Fine. Maybe he didn’t notice it; the search results can be crowded. We can do the direct option instead.

Me: “Open the Send/Receive tab. The toggle is there.”

User: “I can’t toggle it.”

Me: “You click, and it does nothing?”

User: “Yes.”

Fine. Maybe Outlook glitches out. It’s happened to me.

Me: “Please open AnyDesk so I can troubleshoot.”

He opens it surprisingly fast, all things considered. I get connected, navigate to Send/Receive…and click it. It works without issue. Outlook returns to ‘Connected to Microsoft Exchange’ mode. 

Now, at this point, my blood was boiling because he had demonstrated a complete ineptitude at clicking buttons. Thank God this wasn’t a phone call, or my frustration would have been laid bare against my better judgment.

Me: “It’s fixed. Your mailboxes are updating.”

User: “No, it still says working offline.”

Naturally, that’s nonsense. I watched the Working Offline prompt switch to Connected to MS Exchange with my own two eyes. Maybe he didn’t see it yet?

Me: “It’s connected. It says so in this area.” *Hovers above the Connected text.*

User: “No, it still says Work Offline.”

That’s when I noticed. He wasn’t looking at the area I was POINTING TO, he was looking at the literal Work Offline toggle.

Me: “That’s just the toggle, sir. That won’t change in real time. The status below says Connected.”

User: “But why does it still say Work Offline? That means I’m offline.”

I’m fed up. I open my own Outlook. I sent him a message. Politely, of course.

Me: *Via Outlook.* “Your Outlook is working online now. This message would not have arrived otherwise.”

The user is still for a few moments.

User: “Thank you.”

We both disconnect. I’m still dumbfounded several hours later.

I’m seeing a patient in the emergency room.

Me: “Hi, I’m—”

Patient: “—What the f*** is going on with me?”

Me: “Hello, I’m doct—”

Patient: “—Why is no one taking care of me?!”

Me: “I’m the ER docto—”

Patient: “—This is the worst hospital ever.”

Me: Sir, what brings you in tod—”

Patient: “—I’ve been waiting for four hours!”

Me: Your chart says you got here thirty minutes ago. Anyway, what’s bothering you this morning?”

Patient: “You tell me.”

Me: “The chart says you’ve had abdominal pain for three years. Can you tell me more?”

Patient: “I’m not telling you s***!”

Me: “Okay, well, may I examine you?”

Patient: “Don’t touch me until you give me pain meds.”

Me: “Well, I can’t help you until I know what’s going on.”

Patient: “F*** you and f*** this place!”

Me: “Okay.”

Patient: “I’M NOT TALKING TO ANYONE UNTIL I SEE THE D*** DOCTOR!”

Me: “Okay, well, I’m Dr. [My Name].”

Patient: “…you didn’t tell me you were the doctor.”

This was a few years ago, when I was serving at a restaurant that had a different special every day of the week.

Me: “Welcome, our special tonight is our Friday fish fry.”

Everything goes as expected until I try to get the third person’s order.

Customer: “I’ll have your Saturday chicken and rice.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that is not available tonight. Our special today is the fish fry. Is there anything else I can get you?”

Customer: “I know you only make the chicken and rice on Saturdays. I would like that, please, with [sides I can’t remember].”

Me: “That won’t be available until tomorrow. We have our Friday fish fry today, or anything on our regular menu is available.”

Customer: *To their friends, who are looking at her like she has lost her mind.* “I want the chicken and rice, do you know what is so hard to understand about that?”

Customer’s Friend #1: “Because it’s Friday, not Saturday. Like she said, they have the Friday special today.”

Customer: “No, it’s not, today is Saturday.”

Customer’s Friend #2: “No, it’s been Friday all day.”

Customer: “Are you serious?”

Customer’s Friend #2: “Yes.”

Customer: “F***, is that why my boss called me today?” *To me.* “I’m sorry, I need a minute to figure out what I want.”

I was a small-time, rural small-town computer tech support. I get a call from a regular customer saying they have no Internet and they want help.

I drive out to their acreage and belly up to one of their computers. Yep, no Internet connection.

Me: “I’ll call your Internet Service Provider for you and ask what’s going on. Can I see your latest bill to get your customer number with it?”

Customer: “We don’t have one.”

Me: “You don’t have a bill for me to see?”

Customer: “We never got one.”

Me: “Have you paid them?”

Customer: “We never got a bill.”

Me: “But … have you paid them?”

Customer: “We never got a bill.”

Me: “YOU call them. I’m outta here.”

For some reason, this customer thought that they could get a service and not need to pay for it because they never received a bill. Turns out they changed ISPs (Internet Service Provider), asking the new ISP to send the bills to the e-mail address they had with their old ISP’s domain, which was, of course, cancelled when they terminated that service.

Why the new ISP let e-mailed bills “bounce” without contacting the customer in any other way makes as much sense as the customer giving an invalid e-mail address.

My winter boots just gave up on me in the middle of winter, so uncool of them. Seeing as I was heading into the city with a friend of mine to meet up with another friend, the friend and I headed into a shoe store on the way.

I have really large and wide feet for a lady, a size 42-43 to be precise, and not many stores have that for a lady’s option. We enter a store, and I spot some really pretty boots that I want to try.

Me: “Hi, excuse me, do you have this in a 42?”

Sales Lady: “We have it in a 41.”

Me: “Oh no, thank you, that won’t fit, and—”

Sales Lady: “It will fit you. Sit down.”

Me: “Okay?”

I have Autism, so I’m not really a confrontational person or do well in social settings, so I sit down on a bench and take off my shoe.

Sales Lady: *Shoving the shoe on my foot.* “Here, put this on. See, it fits perfectly!”

It doesn’t. The whole shoe feels cramped, and I can barely move my toes.

Me: “The shoe actually feels small.”

Sales Lady: “Where does it feel small?!

Me: “The whole shoe?”

Sales Lady: “Where!?”

Me: “Uh, the toes?”

She then proceeds to place her thumb down hard on the edge of the shoe to measure, which, with the shoe being tight, I could feel.

Sales Lady: “Nope, it feels fine. It’s perfect for you!”

Me: “Uh, no, thank you.”

As I bend to take off the shoe, I give a small, exasperated sigh, justifiable, I may say.

Sales Lady: “You shouldn’t roll your eyes at me, you know!”

I quickly put my shoe back on, grab my friend, and practically run out of the store.

It’s a shame, the store had pretty shoes, but that lady didn’t have a pretty attitude.