Got The Deaths And Marriages Parts Covered

, , , , , , | Right | July 31, 2021

It is 2014, and same-sex marriage has been legalised in England, so my fiancé and I are planning our wedding despite having little money and, to be honest, even less of an idea of what we’re doing. I have been given a card with the number I have to call to book our ceremony at the registry office.

I have ADP — auditory processing disorder — so I struggle to hear properly on the phone, so when I don’t hear the answer of the man who answered, I just assume he introduced the registry office and immediately say.

Me: “Hello. I need to book a wedding, please.”

There is a pause.

Man: “I’m sorry?”

Nervous, I start to ramble.

Me: “I was given a card with this number on it? To book our wedding, I mean. And, um, they said they couldn’t do it in person, I had to call, and—”

Man: “Whoa, hold on. You’ve got the wrong number.”

This doesn’t quite sink in at first and I pause.

Me: “I have?”

Man: “Yes.”

Me: “Are you sure?”

That’s a stupid question, I know.

Man: “Very sure, mate, yeah.”

Me: “Oh. Um, where have I called?”

Man: “[Hometown] crematorium.”

Me: “Oh. Oh. No, that is definitely not where I wanted to call!”

I start laughing, which sets the man on the phone off, too. For a few moments, neither of us can get anything coherent out. Eventually, I get the card back out and read the local number back to him; it’s definitely correct. He starts to say something when I suddenly yell:

Me: “OH! Oh, I am an idiot!”

Man: “Nah, no, it can’t be you. You’re not the first; we’ve had a few people call about weddings!”

Me: “No, no, it’s me. I put in the wrong area code!”

The area code for a nearby town — who I actually needed to call — was very similar to the area code of my town! The man was glad to have that mystery solved, and I have been amused since then at having called the crematorium of all places to try and book my wedding.

And if you were curious, yes, we did somehow manage to pull the wedding together, minus cremations, and remain happily married to this day.

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Don’t Try To Consider The Inconsiderate

, , , , | Right | July 31, 2021

I work as a cashier at a well-known local grocery store. I just started this job about a month ago to help with my depression, and it’s been really good for me. However, situations like this make me wonder how people can be so stupid.

I’m serving two middle-aged men when a young woman on her phone comes up and begins to put her stuff on the belt. I don’t see her as I’m talking with the two men while bagging their stuff, as we’re short on baggers at the moment. She puts her stuff right next to the men’s stuff with no divider or anything. She has lots of peppers, and I begin to put them in, thinking they are the men’s.

Man: “Um, those aren’t ours.”

Me: “Oh, sorry!”

I then saw the woman and groaned internally. I’d had plenty of people come through on their phones that day. She hadn’t even noticed I’d scanned her stuff. I removed the peppers and the men paid and I wished them a good day. The woman stared at me expectantly while still on her phone right as the men left. I asked for her rewards phone number, but she looked away and didn’t reply.

As I scanned her things, she put her card in the chip reader and stared at the screen, expecting something to happen. With our system, the customer can only pay when I’m done scanning. I told her this. She rolled her eyes and continued talking on her phone. I finished and asked if she would like to round up to the nearest dollar for a local food bank. She didn’t reply and I just went ahead and let her pay. It still confuses me how some people can be so inconsiderate.

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When It’s Just Not App-ening

, , , | Right | July 30, 2021

I work IT for a retail company.

Caller: “When I download the app, it says I need to trust it.”

Me: “Yes, when you first download it, you have to trust it to be able to sign in. This is a [Company]-specific app, so technically, the developer is untrusted.”

Caller: “So, what do I do?”

Me: “On your phone, go to Settings, General, [Company], [Company Certificate], and then when you click on that, it’ll give you an option to trust it.”

Caller: “My phone is saying not to trust it, so what do I do?”

Me: “You have to trust it.”

Caller: “But my phone says not to. Do I have to trust it?”

Me: “If you want to be able to use the app.”

Caller: “Well, my phone says not to.”

Me: “Yes, it might, because the app was developed [Company]-side, so technically, it’s not trusted because it’s not a known developer. It’s a safe app; you just have to tell your phone that, which is why you have to trust it.”

Caller: “But my phone says not to.”

Me: *Head-desk* “I understand that, but in order to use the app, you have to trust it.”

Caller: “Well, are you sure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Okay, I trusted it. Now it’s not going to delete stuff, is it?”

Me: “Um… well, not unless you tell it to?”

Caller: “No, I have storage on my phone like pictures and stuff, and this isn’t going to take that space, is it?”

Me: “Well, it’s going to take some space because it’s an app that needs to store data, but it’s not going to delete things.”

Caller: “So, it won’t delete my pictures?”

Me: “If the phone runs into storage issues, it should let you know and request that you move or delete things. But the app will not randomly start deleting your pictures.”

Caller: “Are you sure? And since I trusted it, it’s not going to steal my contacts, is it?”

Me: “Um, no.”

Caller: “I’m sorry to keep asking, but it’s just that fifteen years ago, someone hacked payroll and got all our information and I’m nervous about them getting stuff from my phone.” 

I am thinking, “Well, this isn’t fifteen years ago, and this has nothing to do with payroll, and how does that equate to deleting your pictures?”

Me: “No, this won’t steal your information.”

Caller: “Are you sure I have to trust it? And is it going to take up storage space?”

Me: “If you want to use the app, you need to keep it trusted. There will be some storage space used, yes.”

Caller: “Well, I pay for storage each month, so what happens if I go over with this?”

Me: “You might have to pay for extra space at that point, then, which you might be able to get reimbursed, but that’s something you’d have to clear with your manager. Or you can talk to your manager to see if you can get a [Company] iPad or cell phone.”

Caller: “I can get a company-owned device? I didn’t know that was an option!”

Me: “Well, it has to go through your manager and there has to be a valid business use case for it, but you’d have to talk to them.”

Caller: “I didn’t know we had company phones.”

Me: “They’re not handed out to everyone and it is still on a case-by-case basis that has to go through your manager.”

Caller: “So, I have to talk to my manager?”

Me: “If you want to see about getting a company phone. You do have the app installed on your current phone so you’ll be able to use it.”

Caller: “It won’t delete my info, will it?”

Me: “No.”

User: “Well, I guess I’ll go check in with my manager. Have a good night!”

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The Gift That Keeps On Building

, , , , | Right | July 30, 2021

I take my daughter to one of the shops where you stuff a bear and buy clothes for it. We are looking at the options when a man pushes past us, luckily missing my daughter. I ignore him and continue helping her pick the empty bear. We stand in line and wait for the stuffing machine when I notice something odd. The man from earlier is stood in the line without a child.

The line moves along slowly. The woman on the stuffing machine eyes the man carefully and goes into her routine about the special hearts, etc., and asks if he wants to help push the button, as she would with the children.

He declines and awkwardly stands there as she goes onto her spiel about the “birth certificate.” This whole process takes a while and the man gets more agitated as it happens.

Store Associate: “Would you like to make a wish?”

Man: “Look. It’s a gift, okay? I just want this done.”

Store Associate: “Not a problem. Your bear is all done. In future, you can pick from any one of the premade bears if you like.”

Right next to the empty ones were premade bears of every type. Perhaps if he wasn’t in such a rush he would have noticed them!

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Their Brain Has A Locker-Blocker

, , , , | Right | July 30, 2021

The gym I work at has a “day-use only” policy on the lockers, because we have many more members than lockers, so no one has their own personal locker. If we see a lock has been on a locker for more than twenty-four hours, we assume it’s been abandoned, cut the lock off, and put the belongings in our lost and found.

Older Lady: “Hello, I’m calling about my locker. I left my things in there and was told I had until yesterday to clear it out, but I’ve been quarantined and can’t come get my things. Can I just leave the things in my locker and come get them when I’m out of quarantine in two weeks?”

I assume she means she accidentally left her things in a locker last time she was here.

Me: “Well, ma’am, the nice thing about [Gym] is that, even though we don’t have personal lockers, we will keep your things in the lost and found for you to come get when you’re able.

Older Lady: “But will you cut my lock off? It’s my locker, so I was told my things would be safe until I could come get them.”

Me: “We actually don’t have personal lockers. We have day lockers, which means you have to take your things with you when you leave each day.”

Older Lady: “But I left my things in my locker; they should still be there!”

Me: “Ma’am, nobody has their own locker. Were you by chance intending to call [Another Gym with a similar name]?”

Older Lady: “I was told my things would be safe in my locker. Please don’t cut my lock off.”

Me: *Gives up* “What was the locker number?”

Older Lady: “I don’t remember.”

Me: *Face-desk* “Well, I’ll keep my eyes out, and if I see your things, I’ll put them in the lost and found, okay?”

Older Lady: “Oh, thank you. I appreciate it!”

Me: “My pleasure, ma’am.”

I made note of her name and number and immediately went into the locker room to take note of the lockers that had a lock on them. By the end of the day, they were all empty, so my guess is she called the wrong gym. Otherwise, how could anyone have such a hard time understanding the day-use-only policy? I couldn’t have explained it more clearly!

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