At our restaurant, we serve a free small ice cream to our birthday guests. One little girl, probably around ten, has a tiara on that says, “Birthday Girl.” She’s walked into the place ahead of her parents, who are still dithering by their car in the parking lot.

Me: “Hi! Is it your birthday?”

Little Girl: “No…” *Deep sigh.* “But my mom is gonna say it is.”

The family sits down for their meal. At the end of it, I gave them the bill, and the mom demands:

Customer: “Uh, and where is her free ice cream!? It’s her birthday!”

I nod, and return with a free small ice cream.

Me: “And for the little girl, who so diligently told me earlier that it wasn’t her birthday, here is an ice cream to reward such honesty!”

The little girl was over the moon to get her ice cream, and the mom was redder than the strawberry dessert sauce that I poured over it.

Related:
Kids Say The Truthiest Things, Part 2
Kids Say The Truthiest Things

Customer: “Hmmm, I want the chicken Caesar salad, but I don’t want the chicken.”

Me: “We also have Caesar salad.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s, uh… chicken Caesar salad without the chicken.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks! I’ll have that! Thank you for taking the chicken out for me!”

Customer: “Why do you put dye into your tortilla chips?”

Me: “We don’t. They’re made from blue corn.”

Customer: “I don’t appreciate being lied to.”

Me: “I’m not, ma’am. The corn is dark and tinted blue.”

Customer: “I guess I need to ask for the manager.”

The manager steps out and confirms what I had said, which only made her angrier. After her meal, when she’s leaving:

Customer: “I will be contacting the health department about your illegal dyeing of the corn chips!”

We never did hear anything from the health department, unfortunately.

I’m at a pizza restaurant with my grandparents.

Grandpa: “What do we want on the first pizza?”

Grandma: “Sausage and pepperoni.”

Grandpa: *To employee.* “Sausage on the whole pizza and pepperoni on the whole pizza.”

Grandpa: *To Grandma.* “Do you want pineapple on half?”

Grandma: “Yes.”

Grandpa: *To employee.* “Pineapple on half.”

Grandpa: *To Grandma.* “What about the second one?”

Grandma: “I thought we were talking about the second one.”

Grandpa: “No, this is the first one.”

Grandma: “Oh.”

Grandpa: “What do you want on the second one?”

Grandma: “I don’t know. The same thing?”

Grandpa: *To employee.* “Okay, another sausage and pepperoni with pineapple on half.”

Me: “It might make more sense to get one pepperoni and sausage, and one pepperoni, sausage, and pineapple.”

Grandpa: “I know that makes more sense, but this is what we’re doing.”

When we ate the pizza later, Grandpa complained about the non-pineapple half tasting like pineapple.

We once had a table where all the waitstaff would walk past slowly to eavesdrop on the conversation of the ladies sitting there.

My coworker is a guy with hair that ends just above shoulder length. He’s serving the table of older ladies when one of them complains loudly:

Customer: “Young man! This is an establishment that serves food! Your hair needs to be tied back!”

I see my coworker come back to serve them again, this time with his hair put up. One of the ladies had been using the restroom when this happened, but had been brought up to speed by a friend. This other lady says to the server:

Other Customer: “You can take your hair down. Please ignore her for the rest of the night; she’s such a b****.”

Customer: “I am not a b****!”

Other Customer: “You’re just jealous of his hair because you ruined yours with all that hair bleach! No one ever believed you were a platinum blonde, hun!”

Customer: “You b****!”

Other Customer: “Yes, but unlike you, I’m proud to be one!”

The rest of their conversation was quieter, but along the same lines. I’m not sure if it was the best table we’d ever had, or the worst, but it certainly was the most interesting!