It’s my first week working in a bistro with a salad bar. It’s lunchtime and lots of people want food at the same time. I haven’t found my groove yet and I’m struggling to keep up. I’m preparing a salad for a customer.

Customer: “Are you having a bad day? You’re not looking very happy.”

I think, “How nice of her to check in!”

Me: “No, just a bit stressed.”

Suddenly, she starts berating me for preparing her food stressed. Apparently, she thinks that will contaminate the food and “infect” her with my stress or something. I have really bad news for this lady about all the food that’s prepared in every single restaurant ever.

Customer: “I demand that you have another worker make me a new salad calmly!”

We did.

My train home is cancelled, ao I decide to grab some food while I wait for the next one. I find a nice-looking Chinese place and walk in.

Server: “Table for two?”

Me: “Huh?”

I look back and a woman also on her own is stood there.

Me: “Oh, no, just for one.”

Server: *To the woman* “Are you for one, too?”

Woman: “Oh, yes. Table for one, as well, please.”

Server: “Okay, I seat you together.”

She doesn’t wait for an answer and strides off, wanting us to follow. We sit and order separately. While it’s awkward at first, I strike up a conversation and we actually have a good time. She finishes her food and leaves as the bill comes.

Me: “Oh, sorry. There has been some mistake. I didn’t order this; the woman who was sitting there ordered that.”

Waitress: “Are you not together? I saw you talking?”

Me: “No, we ordered separately and don’t know each other.”

Waitress: “Oh, no! Sorry, I will be right back.”

She rushes off and speaks to someone who disappears out the door. She comes back to me with the new bill.

Waitress: “Sorry about that — some miscommunication. Could you check that this is right for me, please?”

It was, and I paid. I grabbed my coat and headed out. I saw the woman walking back to the restaurant with the server from earlier. They were arguing furiously. She saw me and swore at me but was told to go inside and pay. I’m not sure if she was trying to scam me or if she somehow believed she was entitled to free food, but it didn’t work this time.

The restaurant I work at has two phones for the same line, and at the moment, my coworker is taking a phone order on the first line while I take an in-person order. The other phone rings, so I go to put it on hold.

Me: “[Street] [Restaurant], this is [My Name]. Can I put you on a quick hold, please?”

Caller: “Sure.”

I put her on hold and continue helping the people in front of me. Forty seconds later, I am still taking their order when the same phone I just put on hold rings. The last person hung up, then. I apologize and go to put it on hold again. It’s the same woman, as I can see from Caller ID.

Me: “[Street] [Restaurant], this is [My Name]. Can I put you on a quick hold, please?”

Caller: “Oh, sure.”

I put her on hold and finish helping the customers in front of me. Then the phone rings again, also her, meaning she has called, hung up, called, hung up, and called the store within the two minutes it took me to help another customer. I’m irritated, but I pick up the phone.

Me: “[Street] [Restaurant], this is [My Name]. What can I do for you?”

Caller: “Oh, finally. I think I’m still on hold with you guys.”

Me: “You can’t be on a hold right now, as I’m speaking to you.”

Caller: “No, on your other line, then.”

Me: “We only have one other line, and I’m watching my coworker take the same order she’s been taking for the last four minutes. There is no available line for you to be holding on.”

Caller: “Oh… Well, I’d like to place an order—”

She’s a regular, and yes, she’s exactly that much of a pain every time.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I have a complaint about room [number].”

Me: “I’m sorry, you meant to call [Hotel of the same name]. We’re actually unrelated.”

Caller: “Can you transfer me to the hotel?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re separate companies; I can’t help you.”

Caller: “Just transfer me. I have bed bugs in my room! Someone needs to fix this!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we’re different companies.”

Caller: “YOU WILL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER!”

Me: *Sighs* “Okay…”

Caller: *Hangs up*

My restaurant offers table service, and staff takes orders on tablets. We choose the food but can type instructions to the chef, eg “fish & chips”, “no salt,” etc.

Customer: “What’s the soup of the day?”

Me: “Carrot and cumin.”

Customer: “No, I don’t like carrot or cumin, but I love the bread that comes with it. Can I just have the soup of the day, but only the scone, please?”

Me: “If you like. That will be out shortly.”

The soup of the day comes with a scone. However, I can’t find the scone separately on the tablet, so I enter it exactly as he asks. Our chef, from France, comes to me waving the docket that printed out.

Chef: “Hey, [My Name]? What is this h***? Is there something wrong with my English?”

He’s waving the docket from the kitchen.

Me: “Huh? Oh, you mean, ‘What the h*** is this?’ What’s the problem?”

Chef: “‘Soup of the day, no soup’? You wrote this? He wants an empty bowl?”

I speak a little French.

Me: “Nan… Ils veulent juste le pain qui reste après avoir emporté la soupe.” *Take away the soup, and they want the scone that is left.*

The chef is still confused but understanding.

Chef: “Okay, if that is what he wants.”

The boss has heard the commotion.

Manager: “What did you do this time, [My Name]?”

Me: “Guy at table seventeen just wants the scone from the soup dish. I entered it as a soup without any soup.”

Manager: “Let me check with him.”

Me: “I’m not kidding.”

To be fair to the boss, it’s exactly the sort of prank I would play if I knew the customer.

Manager: “I’m in charge, and if he doesn’t get what he asked for, I’ll have to deal with it!”

The boss comes back.

Manager: *To the chef* “All right, give him a scone.”

Chef: “‘Soup of the day, no soup.’ This is brilliant! I will keep this docket for my fridge at home.”

The customer got his scone. The bill got discounted, so he didn’t have to pay for a soup he didn’t order. Our tablets now list “scone” as a separate option.