(I work at a Chinese restaurant as a manager. A lady is getting a take out order.)

Me: “What kind of sauce would you like?”

Customer: “I would like suicide sauce.”

Me: *confused* “Do you mean soy sauce?”

Customer: *getting upset* “No, I want suicide sauce!”

Me: “We don’t approve of suicide, so if suicide had a sauce we would not obtain it for our customer consumption!”

(The lady thought about the situation and agreed to soy sauce. Now I’m curious if there is something called “suicide sauce“.)

(Two of my coworkers are running a third coworker’s table when this exchange occurs.)

Coworker #1: *puts roast beef down in front of the customer*

Customer: “No, I ordered the roast beef.” *looks at [Coworker #2]* “Is this not the roast beef?”

Coworker #2: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “I ordered roast beef, though.”

Coworker #2: *getting increasingly confused* “That… is the roast beef?”

Customer: “No, I ordered the roast beef. Oh. I mean meatloaf. I want meatloaf.”

(Of course, he acted as if it was his server’s fault for not reading his mind and knowing that “roast beef” actually means meatloaf.)

I work at a very well known restaurant, usually prank calls are something not very common around here.
One day the phone rings and the take-out person answers it.
Takeout: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant name], my name is, [Employee name], how can I help you?”
Customer: “You guys serve different meats right?”
Takeout: “Yes sir, were you looking for anything in particular?”
Customer: “Do you serve cat?”
Throughout the entire conversation slight laughter could be heard. So the takeout employee knew it was a prank.
Takeout: “Yes sir, would you like that grilled or blackened?!”
The customer was mortified and hung up, needless to say, the entire restaurant was dying of laughter!

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I—”

Customer: “You had better make sure these coupons work this time!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Yeah, last time we came here they wouldn’t take these coupons for our order.”

Me: “Well, let me take a look. Yeah, these are good; says here you get a free soft drink with any sandwich order.”

Customer: “Good. I will have the chili cheese dog with my free drink.”

Me: *confused look* “Then… your coupon is not going to work.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “That coupon is for a sandwich; you are ordering a hot dog.”

Customer: “Well, if a hot dog is not a sandwich, then what is it?!”

Me: “A hot dog.”

Customer: “I WANT TO SEE YOUR MANAGER!”

(Sure thing, lady. Sure thing.)

(There’s been a regular that we’ve had coming for years now, and all of the staff knows him. We look forward to him coming, and he’s gotten our personalities down pat. This is going on before he enters the store.)

Customer #1: “Can I get a refill, please?”

Me: “Of course!”

([Customer #1] and [Customer #2] hand me their drinks, and I’m filling them as the regular customer comes into the store.)

Me: *yells out in a joking tone* “You know you’re not allowed in here!”

Regular Customer: “How many energy drinks have you had already today?! And how’s your ankle feeling?”

Me: *as I’m walking to the table* “It’s getting better!”

(Another regular walks in. I yell out the other regular’s name and ask her how she is today; she smiles and answers back as she heads to the restroom. I hand [Customer #1] and [Customer #2] their refills.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can get you?”

Customer #1: “No, but I have a question: are you going to remember my name every time I come back?”

Me: *laughing* “Only if you come back every week!”

Customer #1: “I’ll come back every other week, then!”

(I didn’t know how to answer that, and thankfully [Regular #2] walked out of the bathroom just then. I had her rung up and had her sides and drink ready before she even sat down. [Regular #2] loves this and is always happy with the service we provide. The whole time during this, [Customer #1] and his companion were just staring at me, and when I walked into the back I heard [Regular #2] laugh at something and say, “No, I love it! I wouldn’t know my own order if [My Name] didn’t take me.” Thankfully, that table left before they experienced four more regulars walking in right after.)