Dad Jokes Are Getting Costly

, , , , | Right | November 22, 2017

(I’m taking drink orders. One of the customers, an older gentleman, has ordered “Adam’s Ale.”)

Me: “Okay, I’ve got two [Soda #1]s, a root beer, a [Soda #2], and one Sam Adams; was that the Summer Ale you wanted?”

Customer’s Daughter: *to her father* “Dad! I told you to stop doing that. One of these days they’re going to just bring the beer, and I’m going to make you pay for it.” *to me* “He means that he wants a water, like the only thing Adam and Eve had to drink. He thinks he’s funny.”

Khan’t Be Serious

, , , , , | Friendly | November 22, 2017

(I go to eat at a buffet-style Mongolian restaurant with “Genghis” in the name on my lunch break. During the meal, I can’t help but overhear a nearby table.)

Patron: “When in Genghis, do as the Genghans do.”

They Can’t Worm Their Way Out Of This One

, , , , , , , | Working | November 21, 2017

(I am with my mum and some friends of the family at a restaurant. We have ordered our meals and they just arrived.)

Mum: “OH, MY GOD!”

(Everyone looks over to see some form of worm or larvae inside the duck she ordered.)

Mum: *not in an angry tone but more looking to help out* “Excuse me; there are some worms in my meal.”

(The waiter walks over and inspects the duck.)

Waiter: “I don’t see anything.”

Everyone At The Table: “What do you mean?”

Waiter: “I can take it back to have it inspected.”

Mum: “That would be great.”

(After a short wait the manager with the waiter come back.)

Manager: “We inspected the duck and found no worms.”

Mum: “We all saw it.”

(Everyone nods and agrees.)

Manager: “We can’t do anything; if you’d like a free meal or refund, we aren’t giving you one!”

(At this point the manager is yelling.)

Mum: “We told you to let you know that maybe your supplier has a problem, and that it should be checked up.”

Manager: “THAT COSTS MONEY!”

Mum: “We only want to help; we don’t want any refund or free meals.”

Manager: “WE AREN’T GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU. WE HAD THE DUCK CHECKED AND NO WORMS WERE THERE!”

Mum: “Are you seriously getting angry at us for making a suggestion to change suppliers?”

(We left and filed a complaint to health services.)

Boiling Orange Juice To Match Your Boiling Blood

, , , | Right | November 20, 2017

(I’m waiting tables at a restaurant and bar popular with foreign expatriates. I seat a middle-aged couple. One customer orders whiskey on the rocks, with ice, water, and soda all on the side. That makes four glasses for the one order, but this is fairly common behaviour from this demographic, so it’s fine. The other customer orders an orange juice without ice. This is also common, as people often believe they will receive more drink without it. In less than five minutes they receive everything, despite it being a busy Saturday evening.)

Customer: “You got the order wrong.”

Me: “What was left out? I’ll get it fixed for you immediately.”

Customer: “Are you stupid? I asked for the orange juice without ice; obviously, I want it warm.”

(We don’t keep any juice that isn’t chilled; after all, this is tropical Singapore, and who on earth drinks warm juice?)

Me: “I’ll see what I can do.”

Supervisor: “Tell her she has three options: we can nuke it in the microwave, steam it, or we’ll void it and she can keep the d*** juice if it’ll make her quiet.”

(I give her the options, and naturally she opts to have the drink for free. She does not, however, keep quiet or express gratitude for the free drink, and instead continues to insult me and my outlet for not having warm juice. As I walk back into the employee area, I launch into a string of obscenities over the comm-set and inform my manager I’ve had enough and need to chain-smoke for ten. Five minutes later…)

Manager: “[My Name], this customer is refusing to pay her entire bill; she claims you said they get their drinks for free all night as an apology. Can you come back in and talk to her?”

Me: “No; you know what to do. By the way, I’m clearing my half-an-hour break now, or I swear I just might find her some boiling hot orange juice.”

Manager: “Okay, you do that.”

Me: “Which one?”

Manager: “Both?”

(They ended up paying for everything.)

Not Single(Mother) Minded

, , , , | Romantic | November 18, 2017

(A female coworker starts a conversation with me, a male, about relationships. It’s very friendly and casual. We’re about the same age. I’m single, never married. She’s been going through a divorce and has a four-year-old. But none of that is on my mind as we talk.)

Coworker #1: “Does the thought of dating a woman that already has kids weird you out?”

Me: “Yeah. I couldn’t do that. I don’t know. That’s a lot of complications and baggage and stuff right out the gate, and I’m young enough that it’s not really necessary to handle that if I don’t need to, you know?”

Coworker #1: “Oh, for sure. I can understand that.”

(She heads off to check on her tables, and another coworker comes up to me and practically smacks me upside the head.)

Coworker #2: “[MY NAME]! You f****** jerk!”

Me: “What? What did I do?”

Coworker #2: “She was asking that because she means her!

Me: “Oh. Well, the answer doesn’t change!”

(For the record, she’s a very beautiful and friendly woman, but my position will hold. There would have to be something very magical between me and a single mother for me to be willing to put myself into the lives of her kids who will, at some level, see me as a guy keeping their mom and dad from getting back together. No, thanks.)

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