We Used To Have Dragon, But They’re Harder To Come By These Days

, , , , | Working | April 23, 2019

(I’m living briefly in England, not known for the availability of half-decent wings. I find a place that has good ones, and knowing that they probably come in frozen, I want to know what brand they are so I can look for them in the grocery store.)

Me: “What kind of wings are these?”

Waiter: *with a perfectly straight face* “Chicken.”

Unfiltered Story #147726

, , | Unfiltered | April 23, 2019

Hostess: (In Italian) Hello sir, welcome to [Name of Restaurant]!
Customer: (In English) God d*****, speak English for god’s sake! Stop this barbaric dead language!
Hostess: (switching to English) I’m sorry sir, but this is Rome, and most people here speak Italian.
Customer: Why? They should speak the good, proper language of English, not this freak stuff.
Hostess: But sir, we are in Italy. Most everyone here speaks the language of our country.
Customer: Well they shouldn’t. They’re just dumb to not learn our language as well as their own.
Hostess: Well sir, how many languages do you know?
Customer: Just English. Good old English, like we all should.
Hostess: Well I’m sorry sir, but we cannot serve bigoted a**holes. Goodbye

Unfiltered Story #147722

, , | Unfiltered | April 23, 2019

(Unfortunately, I only heard bits and pieces of this story as it happened to my manager and I was re-stocking paper products while it happened.  But based on his story and what I actually overheard.)

Woman: “I’d like the strawberry poppyseed salad.”

Manager: “Great choice ma’am!  That’s our most popular summer salad!  Do you want the whole or half salad?”

Woman: “Whole.”

Manager: “Alright, and would you like anything else with that?”

Woman: “No.”

Manager: “Alright, your total will be *amount”

Woman: “What?  No!  That’s not right, it was far less last time I had it!”

Manager: “I’m sorry ma’am, that’s the price–”

Woman: “Don’t be stupid.  I’m not paying that much!”

Manager: “Would you like the half salad instead, ma’am?”

Woman: “Yeah, sure fine.”

(My manager changes the transaction and the woman pays, then goes to wait for her food.  A few minutes later, the woman begins yelling at the line workers.  My manager quickly intervenes.)

Woman: “This is too small!  What kind of a salad is this!  It’s almost nothing!”

Manager: “Ma’am, you paid for only the half salad, so that is what we–”

Woman: “Well this is ridiculous!  Last time I got this salad it was much bigger!”

Manager: “If you’d like the full salad you can pay the full price, but I cannot give you a full salad for the price of the half-salad.”

Woman: “Fine!  Ring up the damn full salad!”

(My manager charges her for the difference and line begins making the new salad.  I’m re-stocking line when a few minutes later….)

Teenage girl: “Hey, um, miss?”

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

(The girl is peering at all the plates waiting to be picked up)

Teenage girl: “Um, they called my name, but I don’t see my salad…”

Me: “That’s weird, what was your name?”

Girl: “*name*”

Me: “Alright, hey, *co-worker*, did you get the order for *girl’s name.*”

Co-worker: “Yeah, we just put it up, wasn’t it the Asian salad?”

Girl: “Yeah.”

(My co-worker steps over to examine the counter)

Co-worker: “That’s…. really weird.  Maybe someone took your order, that happens sometimes… just tell me what it was and I’ll get it right up for you….”

(My manager steps over suddenly and examines one of the other salads waiting to be picked up.)

Manager: “Wow…”

Me: “What?”

Manager: “Just… I’ll be right back…”

(My manager walks through the dining room and finds the original difficult woman, who is eating the teenage girl’s Asian salad.)

Manager: “Excuse me, ma’am, that’s not the right salad.”

Woman: “Of course it is!”

Manager: “No, ma’am, you ordered the strawberry salad, that’s the Asian salad–”

Woman: “It IS the strawberry salad!  Look, see, strawberries!”

(The woman stabs a pepper with her fork and holds it up.)

Manager: “No, ma’am, that’s a pepper–”

Woman: “Well of course it is!  This salad is disgusting and your service is terrible!”

(The woman proceeds to barge out of the restaraunt without retrieving her own salad.  About fifteen minutes later I’m running the bakery register while my manager prepares the orders.  A very nice woman comes up who just wants a cinnamon roll.  When my manager hands her the box…)

Woman #2: “Oh, by the way sir, I saw the way you handled that crazy salad lady. You should be a diplomat.”

Manager, laughing: “Yeah, well, you learn to handle these people.  Have a good day ma’am.”

Woman #2: “You too, sir.  And you have a good day, sweetie.”

Me: “Thank you, ma’am, have a good day.”

(When we got slow, my manager relayed the entire story to me.  I think this goes to show that for every customer that makes you want to stab yourself in the eye, there’s a customer that restores your faith in humanity.)

Not That Nuts About You Lying To Me

, , , , , | Right | April 22, 2019

(Our chocolate crepes are made with an organic version of Nutella, and are labelled as a “hazelnut spread.”)

Customer: “I want a hazelnut crepe, but don’t put the caramelized pecans on it; I’m allergic to nuts!”

Me: “I’m not making you a crepe with hazelnut spread, which contains nuts, if you just told me you’re allergic to nuts.”

Customer: “Oh, it’ll be fine. I’m not that allergic.”

Me: “Nope. The spread contains pecans. You’re allergic to pecans. It’s not happening.”

Customer: “Fine. I just don’t like pecans. Now can you make me my crepe?”

(Never works. No one’s going to the hospital while I’m the chef there.)

Unfiltered Story #147718

, , , | Unfiltered | April 22, 2019

Me: It’s $18.28

Customer: *holding hand out* I have the money.

Me: I need the money before I can give you the food.

Customer: That’s a first.

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