Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

We Sort Of Hope That Lady Gets Haunted

, , , , | Friendly | October 15, 2021

I grew up in the southern United States, where you are still likely to see the remains of family graveyards. It used to be very common for families to bury deceased loved ones on their own property. No matter where you are, though, tampering with any gravesite without appropriate approval or permission by the family or landowner is a felony. That means it’s punishable by jail time and/or a large fine, depending on your state’s laws.

One of these family graveyards was in the lot next to my childhood home. It was so old we couldn’t read the headstones anymore, but it still had the original iron fence around it. When the neighborhood was developed, the realtor who plotted out the lots bought that one, since it couldn’t be built on anyway. He was also our neighbor down the street. 

I also grew up in one of those small southern towns that frowns upon anyone going outside of what is considered “normal” behavior. We saw it firsthand when my parents got divorced in the early 1990s. On top of the gossip about getting divorced, my mom also chose to live alone and never date or remarry again, which was “unusual”. Both my parents were much happier being divorced, which in turn made me happier, so I never saw anything wrong with it.

Now, I am a freshman in college, living a few hours away. I get a call from my mom and she’s laughing her a** off. 

There is this woman who lives on the other end of my mom’s neighborhood. No one likes her because she goes out of her way to be mean; she’s just a miserable person. Her own husband once said to my dad that it was “easier to put up with her than to try to divorce her.” She’s THAT kind of person.

My mom was looking out her window and saw a guy in his twenties walking around the old graveyard with a set of post-hole diggers and bolt cutters. She called the neighbor who owned the lot and he asked her to drive over and see if the guy worked for the city or something until he got there. Turns out, the guy was doing yard work for extra money, and he said [Miserable Lady] had given him “permission” to DIG UP part of the fence and bring it to her. She wanted it for her TOMATO PLANTS. When my mom told him it was a felony to tamper with a graveyard, no matter how old, the kid started to panic. 

Luckily, the owner arrived and started handling the situation. But I guess someone else had tipped off [Miserable Lady] because here she came in her own car. She screeched to a stop next to my mom’s car and started screaming out the window at her. After letting her go for a few minutes, my mom rolled down the window and calmly told her that she had no legal right to mess with the graveyard.

Miserable Lady: “Why don’t you mind your own business, b****? You know, I always heard you were crazy! Now I know it’s true!”

And my mom — my sweet, little, kill-them-with-kindness mom — smiled at her.

Mom: “That’s funny, I’ve heard the same thing about you.”

Wait Until They Discover Venus Flytraps

, , , , , , | Right | September 6, 2021

I’m babysitting a brother and sister who are four and three, respectively. The brother has recently started preschool and is always excited to tell his sister new things he’s learned.

We’re taking a walk around the neighborhood and he points to a fir tree.

Brother: “This is carnivorous!”

I laugh and he asks why.

Me: “This is a coNIFerous tree; it has cones. The word you said is carNIVorous, which means something that eats meat, like a tiger.”

The boy thinks about this for a moment and starts laughing, too. He turns to his sister.

Brother: “Watch out! The tree’s going to eat you!”

The whole rest of the day, the kids chased each other pretending to be man-eating trees.

Priorities, Priorities

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 28, 2021

My friend and I, both in our early twenties and from the rural countryside, have decided to visit London. We’re walking down a residential road past a community centre around 1:00 pm, thinking about food, when a tall man who is at least twice our age appears and speaks with an accent I don’t recognize.

Man: “We’re having a barbecue! Do you want to have some?”

My friend and I look at each other and exchange some non-verbal communication.

Me: *To the man* “Yeah, all right!”

Man: “Fantastic! Follow me!”

We follow the man down an overgrown side road, round some twisty corners, and through a tunnel.

Friend: *Casually to me* “This would be a really good place to murder someone.”

Me: *Giving her a side-eye* “Why do you say that? Now I’m wondering whether there is food at the end of this.”

We round one last corner and there’s a large group having a barbecue. The man ushers us in and gets us sorted with food. This woman about our age comes over and speaks with a London accent.

Woman: “You two have no self-preservation!”

Friend: “But we do have free food!”

It’s A Neighbor-Eat-Neighbor World Out There

, , , , | Friendly | April 25, 2021

Every day, I walk my dog for at least a mile around our neighborhood. We take a different route every day. One day, we are walking down a short street that we rarely take, a few blocks from home. I hear a sharp barking and look up to see a small dog come flying out of a house, through the open gate, and up to my dog. The smaller dog keeps barking, while my dog is quiet, but both do try to bump noses as dogs do when they meet each other. Since I don’t know this dog, I pull my dog away, shouting, “Please get your dog!”

There is a sign, provided by our local government, on their lawn, stating that it is the law that dogs must be on a leash and picked up after.

Eventually, two teenage girls appear, and after a little chasing, they finally catch their dog. I am expecting to have a laugh with them about how silly our dogs are, but instead, they begin scolding me!

Girl: “Why can’t you control your dog?”

Me: “The law requires dogs to be on a leash.”

I point to the sign on their lawn.

Me: “My dog is on a leash.”

I point to my dog’s leash.

Me: “Your dog is off your property without a leash.”

Girl: “But this is our house!”

Me: “Yes. That is your house. But this is the sidewalk. You do not live on the sidewalk. It is public property.”

In the meantime, their parents come out to yell at me, too, and I yell back because I do not allow others to speak to me disrespectfully, especially when they’re the ones in the wrong and I am not. Then, I go home, calm myself, and go on with my day.

My neighborhood is quite the community, and I learn from other neighbors that this particular family is very hostile, believes that they are superior, and tends to act like they own the whole block. They get angry when other animals get anywhere near their property, but they allow their dog to do whatever it likes.

However, one neighbor has this to say.

Neighbor: “I saw the whole thing and your dog was the aggressor! Daily you get dragged down the street by your dog, and you went through their gate into their yard. Your dog was barking the whole time and attacked their dog, and they had to take it to the vet because it was bitten on the leg.”

Me: “My goodness! It sounds like you saw me commit at least three crimes! Why didn’t you call the police?”

Neighbor: *Pauses* “You’re spending too much time on this!”

Since then, I’ve refused to set foot on that block, with or without my dog. Too many crazy people live there.

We Didn’t Start The Fire (Send Us Money)

, , , , , | Friendly | March 25, 2021

I don’t mind fireworks; when done properly they can be good to watch.

Once a year, we will pick out a small selection of the quieter ones and set them off in the garden. We live in a built-up, family-friendly area, so we give the neighbours a heads-up and it tends to be a short display.

A new neighbour recently moved in across the way, instantly upsetting many; they drive over common grass and tear it up, play loud music, and have suspicious numbers of visitors. We luckily live far enough away not to be bothered by them, until bonfire night.

They start letting off fireworks when it is still light and carry on for hours. Eventually, the police arrive — more to deal with the rowdy behaviour than the fireworks — and we get some quiet. But it’s not for long, and soon they are back to the same as before, if not much worse.

A few days later, a plea goes out on our local Facebook group. A local resident is asking for help after a “freak accident” set their shed on fire. They go on and on with a sob story and saying how nice everyone is who offered help

That is, until one eagle-eyed person recognises that this was posted by the same unruly neighbour from bonfire night, and the fire was only started because they were drunk and throwing the fireworks at the joining fence.

All the offers of help and free tools and toys are withdrawn as the poster devolves into a shouting match before being kicked from the group completely.

I can still see the remnants of the shed from the road. It looks like no one wanted to help them after all.