Her Depth Perception Is Unparalleled

, , , , | Legal | January 3, 2019

I live in a small narrow street with little parking space. If you want to park your car, you have to master the art of parallel parking. One evening my doorbell rings. There’s a young girl at my door asking me if I could move my car forward so she can park her car.

She is acting like I’m taking up two parking spaces with my car. I go with her and have a look just to find that there’s enough space behind my car to park a stretched limousine. The girl drives a Fiat 500, and if she knew how to parallel park she could have parked her car without any problem. I tell her that.

The girl gets more irate and tells me that I have to move my f****** car and learn how to park. I take out my phone and start taking pictures of her, her car, her license plates, and my car — just in case she gets really crazy. Next, I tell her that I’m not moving my car and that she’d better learn to park.

Just as I’m saying this, a neighbour comes driving in her Mercedes station car and parks it behind my car without any problems. She gets out of her car and asks me what’s going on.
Before I can say anything, the young girl gets into her Fiat and races off.

A police car has to make an emergency stop to avoid her while she crosses an intersection without even slowing down. The police go after her. I don’t know what happens next, but I’ll guess that she will get a lecture about road safety and how to drive a car.

The Holiday Season Is For Everyone Except Bigots

, , , , , | Hopeless | December 30, 2018

On the first night of Chanukah 2018, my home was vandalized with a swastika and paint stripper was dumped on my car. My car was totaled out because the unknown substance etched itself into the glass, and metal and spray paint would not stick.

I was in shock when, the night after the attack, a candle-light vigil was organized for us to show hate crimes were not tolerated here. Someone even set up a GoFundMe to help cover the costs to replace my car.

Even though the vandals haven’t yet been caught, my neighborhood has rallied around us to ensure that we feel safe and protected. I never thought so many strangers would be so willing to make us feel safe and welcome after someone would attack us just because of our religious beliefs, but seeing all those people rally around us give me hope that the world really is moving towards the right direction.

Making A Lot Of Fake Noise

, , , , , , | Legal | December 28, 2018

One of my neighbors bought a large truck a couple of months ago and apparently decided that three in the morning was a reasonable time to work on it, revving it up and leaving it idling, often waking up several of the neighbors in the process. He never drove it anywhere at that point; he just went out, turned it on, and made a bunch of noise. This led to a few of us going over to ask him to refrain. He blew us off, and we ended up submitting noise complaints to the city about him, as he was disturbing our sleep.

This led to him spamming the noise complaint website with dozens of complaints about every house on the block in retaliation, all of them bogus. He made complaints about dogs barking at houses that didn’t have dogs, or people playing instruments late at night. The police ended up coming out several times to investigate, and the complaints were proven to be false each time.

The last time I saw my neighbor he was being put into a police car after having a screaming match with the police on his front lawn.

The Nightmare Before Christmas

, , , , , , | Related | December 27, 2018

(In this story, I am about eight years old. It’s Halloween, and my three friends and I are trick-or-treating around my neighborhood. I am dressed like a cat, and so are two of my friends, while the other one is dressed as Mrs. Claus. I ring the doorbell to a house. A guy and his wife open the door.)

Friends & Me: “Trick or treat!”

(The guy looks from me to my two other friends dressed like cats, and then to my other friend dressed as Mrs. Claus.)

Guy: “WHAT IS THIS? IT’S NOT EVEN NOVEMBER YET! FIRST THE GROCERY STORES, AND NOW THIS? PREMATURE CHRISTMAS DECORATING HAS STRUCK AGAIN!”

(He clutched his chest and fell to the floor. My friends and I just looked at each other in confusion. His wife apologized profusely and gave us each a big handful of candy. It was pretty weird, but you have to admit, we had it coming!)

Human Goes Missing: No One Notices. Dog Goes Missing: Search And Rescue!

, , , , , , , | Friendly | November 17, 2018

The dog we had growing up was the sweetest, friendliest dog you could imagine. He loved people, and all of our neighbours knew him and loved him back. They didn’t know our names, but they knew our dog.

At one point we needed to move to another state temporarily for my dad’s work, and took the dog with us. Six months later my mum, sister, and I returned home to spend Christmas with our family and ran into one of our neighbours.

He came up to us and said he hadn’t seen our dog for a while, had he died? Mum had to inform him that no, the dog was very much alive, we’d just been living on the other side of the country for the last few months.

They had noticed our dog was no longer around and coming to visit, but none of them had noticed that our house was empty and my family wasn’t living there or going about our daily business.

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