She Must Not Look Up Very Often

, , , , , | Friendly | November 12, 2019

(I am in the fourth grade, about ten years old, when the Hale-Bopp Comet is visible. My mom is chatting with a classmate’s mom who knows I like science.)

Classmate’s Mom: “Maybe you can bring [My Name] over to show us the comet. We don’t know what to look for.”

Me: “It’s that big thing in the sky that normally isn’t there.”

Burn Back

, , , , , | Related | November 11, 2019

(I am staying at my friends’ house for the night. They are sisters, and we are currently doing each other’s hair.)

Friend #1: *messes up [Friend #2]’s hair* “Hey, at least now when people see you they will be like, ‘Eww, her hair!’ instead of, ‘Eww, her face!'”

Friend #2: “Hey!”

Me: *pause* “You guys are identical twins.”

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This Conversation Went South Super Fast

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 11, 2019

(Something they never tell you until you move to a southern state is that Southerners get very touchy about what actually constitutes “The South.” It’s a particularly sore spot in places like Oklahoma, where geographically the state straddles three different regions. My boyfriend is Oklahoma born and bred, and has some strong opinions on the culture.)

Friend: “Oh, c’mon, Oklahoma isn’t the South! You gotta earn your cowboy boots!”

Boyfriend: What?! Oklahoma historically invented cowboy culture! You’re from Virginia! All you invented was f****** slavery!”

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Lovebite Insight

, , , , | Friendly | November 7, 2019

(My best friend and I are in my bedroom. She’s got a hickey on her neck.)

Friend: “Look at the lovebite [Boyfriend] gave to me; it’s huge. Do you know of a way to cover it? I need to hide it from my mother.”

Me: “I have no idea. Makeup, perhaps?”

(Just at that moment, my elder sister comes into the room; it’s clear she’s been listening to our conversation. She is quite immature but always tries to better other people and be an expert on everything.)

Sister: “You should do what I do; I always make sure that any lovebites I get can be covered by clothing.”

(She pulls down the shoulder of her top and shows a small lovebite at the top of her arm before walking out.)

Friend: “Uh, you know that she did that to herself?”

Me: “Yeah, I know. She and [Other Friend] were practicing lovebites the other day.”

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She Is Very Pro Noun

, , , , , , , | Learning | November 1, 2019

(I go to a Catholic all-girls private high school. As I’m FTM trans, I can’t be “publically” out without risking expulsion and being forcefully outed to my parents. Despite this, most everyone I’m friends with knows and is cool and respectful about it. In my sophomore year, this happens when I decide to tell one of my newer freshman friends about it.)

Me: “So, my name isn’t actually [Deadname] but [Chosen Name], and I mostly use masculine pronouns.”

(I guess at this point she realizes that she’s been unknowingly misgendering me for the past three or so months we’ve known each other and kind of freaks out.)

Friend: “Oh, OH! I’M SO SORRY, ‘HE.’ I WON’T DO IT AGAIN!”

Me: “Sweetheart, that’s not how pronouns work.”

(Thankfully, she’s learned how to use grammar far more effectively since then!)

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