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This Is Why We Don’t Say “Break A Leg” Before Sporting Events

, , , , | Friendly | November 22, 2021

My husband is in a recreation soccer league with other adults, ranging in ages from twenty to forty. Obviously, it’s a competitive league, but not even close to pro, as the term “recreation” would suggest. One day, I decide to go watch his game.

About fifteen minutes into the game, I watch [Teammate] get tackled pretty brutally by a member of the opposing team. However, it quickly becomes evident that this is not JUST a brutal tackle. [Teammate #1] goes down HARD and yells in agony. A crowd immediately gathers, and the next few moments are a blur of his teammates trying to clear out the crowd and running back and forth between [Teammate] and the sideline, carrying various things over to him.

After a while, my husband comes over.

Husband: “That was the worst thing I’ve ever seen. He was tackled so hard in the calf that his tibia was sticking out of his leg!”

Thankfully, [Teammate] had incredible help, as there was a nurse and a paramedic on the team, and I saw the two of them bent over [Teammate] until the ambulance arrived, and it drove right onto the field.

Here’s the worst part, though. The referee was struggling to keep up with the play, so he did not call a foul, because he did not see it. Yes, even though there was a guy on the field with his leg split open and a bone sticking out. I heard the guy may have had a hearing with the league, but no one is sure anything came out of it, because, again, the ref technically did not see the incident.

If this wasn’t all bad enough… the guy did not apologize! He stood around the group of players surrounding [Teammate] and kept making awkward comments, like, “Yeah, we were just kind of going for the ball at the same time, and his leg kind of hit mine here.” He was not apologetic whatsoever.

[Teammate] was in the hospital for almost a week, after obviously having surgery and being closely monitored for signs of infection. I hope he’ll be well enough to play next season!

It’s A Small World, And This Girl’s All Over It

, , , , | Friendly | November 21, 2021

In high school, I knew an extremely outgoing girl. Everyone in my friend group knew her from somewhere; she lived down the street from my father, [Friend #1] and [Friend #2] had classes with her, [Friend #3] took dance lessons with her, and so on. None of us were particularly close with [Girl], but all of us knew her.

It’s not like this was a small-town phenomenon, either; I lived in a major city and not all of my friends attended the same school or lived in the same area. On more than one occasion, even years later, we’d somehow bump into people who would mention their friend [Girl], and it was ALWAYS the [Girl] we knew.

Several years after I’ve moved overseas, I run into another foreign woman who looks lost. I offer to help her find her way. It turns out that she’s from my home city, and I give her a few pointers for getting around.

Woman: “Thank you! I would’ve been wandering around forever on my own.”

Me: “No problem. Looks like the building you want is just a few blocks past the entrance to [Famous Landmark], and you can take this bus route to get there.”

Woman: “Oh, [Landmark]?” *Talking to herself* “[Girl] sent me an article about [Landmark]…”

I stop for a moment, thinking that it can’t be. There must be a hundred [Girl]s in my home city. But I have to ask.

Me: “[Girl]? You don’t happen to mean [Girl] [Last Name]?”

Woman: “Tall, blonde, really athletic, and outgoing?”

Me: “Has a sister named [Sister]?”

Woman: “You know her, too?!”

Me: “At this point, I’m convinced everyone in [Home City] knows her!”

You Mean I’d Have To Make An Effort?!

, , , , | Friendly | November 15, 2021

At sixteen, I was the only one of my friends with a job. My friends were drinking and smoking whatever while I had to get to sleep early enough for an early start. They laughed at my “bedtime” and mocked my responsibilities.

A few years later, I had finally got out of the training wheels and started to earn some decent money.

Friend: “You are so lucky with your job.”

Me: “Well, I have spent years working hard and putting in the hours.”

Friend: “But I mean you’re lucky to have that job now.”

Me: “Sure, lucky.”

Friend: “I wish I could earn some money.”

Me: “I told you already: pass the drug test and turn up on time for the first six months. They are always hiring.”

Friend: “Oh, I don’t know. I’m not sure it’s for me.”

Me: “I’m not going to force you, but the vacancy is there.”

Friend: “You are so lucky.”

Me: “Sure. Lucky. Thanks.”

They never applied because they knew they couldn’t pass the test. They would tell me how hard it was to earn money yet made no effort to improve themself. We grew apart, as all they wanted to do was smoke and drink, and they somehow couldn’t understand after all these years that I couldn’t drop everything to spend time with them at 3:00 am.

Her Coping Mechanisms Rock

, , , , , | Friendly | November 12, 2021

My friend and I are travelling together and we pass by a New Age-type shop. Despite not being a New Age type at all herself, my friend is a sucker for these places because they usually sell the kind of jewellery she likes, so we go in. 

My friend is trying on rings with the help of the clerk, who’s making suggestions. All is going well, until…

Clerk: “Oh, I think this one would be absolutely beautiful for you. It matches your eyes and it’s got a wonderful energy.”

She points out a ring with a sort of blue-grey-green stone. My friend pulls away like she’s been offered a snake.

Friend: “Absolutely not.”

The clerk looks surprised.

Friend: “I, uh, I never wear labradorite. It, um… It’s brought me bad luck and I… don’t like its aura. It’s very pretty, but no.”

After we leave:

Me: “Since when do you believe rocks have an ‘aura’?”

Friend: “My ex once bought me a necklace with a labradorite pendant and lost his mind if I didn’t wear it every time I saw him. Since then, I can’t wear the stuff even though I do like the colour. But I’m not about to explain all that to a total stranger.”

Me: “What happened to the necklace?”

Friend: “I pawned it and gave the money to a homeless person. I figured it might as well do some good in the world.”

You Ought To Start Charging For Your Services

, , , , , | Friendly | November 7, 2021

Friend: “Can you look at my phone? It’s got a weird error.”

I don’t know much about phones, but I have an idea about computers. The two seem to be getting closer and closer together, anyway.

Me: “Sure. Oh, okay. Did you let your phone run out of battery?”

Friend: “Yeah, I always forget to charge it.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m guessing it’s like a PC. Your phone needs to shut down properly.”

Friend: “Can you fix it?”

Me: “I think so. Let me play with the menus.” 

I try a reboot; that doesn’t work. I let it load back up. Before I can try something else:

Friend: “Let me get my other charger. This isn’t working.”

Me: “A new charger isn’t going to change anything.”

Friend: “Well, I’m going to get it anyway.”

By the time they have messed about, I have shut down the phone and started it — this time to the normal screen.

Friend: “Oh, it’s working again?”

Me: “Yes, I would make sure that you don’t let it run out of battery if it’s giving you these issues.”

Friend: “Well, I’ll charge it with this charger, instead. That should help.”

Me: “As long as it’s charged, it doesn’t matter what charger you use.”

Friend: “But this one is the proper one.”

I left it. If someone is going to ask for my help on something they know nothing about and then argue with me, I’m not helping them anymore. 

It was a full week before their phone stopped working again; again, they didn’t charge it. I told them to take it to a repair shop. They couldn’t understand why it kept happening; when they did charge it, they used the right charger!