This Kid Is All Talk

, , , , | | Friendly | August 20, 2019

(I’m babysitting a four- and a two-year-old. The two-year-old has just taken a toy from her brother.)

Me: “Give it back and tell him sorry.”

Two-Year-Old: “I can’t talk.”

Shouldn’t Have A Cat Nap

, , , , , , | Friendly | January 4, 2019

A couple of summers ago, we allowed a couple college-aged girls to stay at our house for a few different weekends while we were away. My husband had met one of the girls before, and they were volunteering for the organization he works for, so we offered our place for them to stay for free.

None of the three weekends went well.

For two of the weekends, we came home to a sink full of dishes. The dishes were clean, but the sink was literally completely full of them, and they obviously needed to be put away. There were also chairs in random spots in the house, and games and controllers littered throughout the living room. Although it wasn’t a huge deal, I was also upset because I’ve always believed that if someone is nice enough to offer you their house for free, you should leave it the way you found it — and not create work for the people coming home late after a busy weekend away!

Throughout those weekends, they also lost their key to the house, and knocked over and cracked a lamp.

The worst thing, however, involved our cat. Thankfully, they didn’t leave the door open long enough to let him escape. However, one night, one of the girls decided to sleep in the living room, despite there being a room for her to stay in. Our cat was apparently bothering her, so at some point during the night, she decided to lock him in our bedroom, away from his food, water, and litterbox. I don’t know how many hours he was stuck in there, but it was long enough that he pooped on our bed and peed on our down duvet. Our cat is completely litterbox trained and has never done that outside of the box before that situation.

I still can’t believe this happened, even though it was quite a while ago. If you are staying at someone’s house for free, please be thoughtful and considerate!

Smells Like Anti-Teenage Spirit

, , , , | Right | December 17, 2018

(I am fourteen years old. I start a neighborhood babysitting business to make some cash, and, after I start picking up steam, create a website. It is stated multiple times, in multiple places, that, although I am fully certified, I am only fourteen. Some people aren’t comfortable leaving their child in the hands of an older child, and I’m okay with that, but I inform potential clients beforehand on the website so they don’t think they’re all set and show up with a sitter that doesn’t exactly meet expectations. I have just been hired to watch a six-year-old on Mommy and Daddy’s night out.)

Me: *knocks on door*

Mother: *in makeup, heels, etc.* “Who are you!?”

Me: “I’m the babysitter. Remember?”

Mother: “No, no, no, no, no!”

Me: “I’m sorry? Is something wrong? I can wait a bit if you need more time…?”

Mother: “No, it’s not that! How old, are you, exactly?”

Me: “I’m fourteen, ma’am.”

Mother: “What!? I don’t want some… some… rebellious teenager putting a bad influence on my angel! Just look at your slutty booty-shorts and crop top!”

(I am wearing skinny jeans, a t-shirt, and a cozy, oversized hoodie.)

Me: “Okay, well, I’m sorry that I didn’t, erm, meet your expectations, but I stated multiple times on my website, and in my correspondences with you, that I am only fourteen.”

Mother: “No, you didn’t! You have false advertising, you liar!”

Me: *pulls out phone and shows website, texts, and e-mails* “Ma’am, as you can see, you’ve been informed of this multiple times.”

(Just then, the husband walks out, looking like he just got out of the shower, with his daughter in tow.)

Father: “Oh, great. You must be the babysitter? Nice to meet you. Um, has my wife gone over the schedule?”

Mother: “No! I’m not letting her watch my angel! She’s so slutty!”

Father: “Honey, the only skin I see is her hands, face, and neck. Plus, the reviews on the site were shining!”

Mother: “I don’t care! I’m not bringing a bad influence into my household!”

(He pulls his wife away and they have a hushed discussion. Meanwhile, the girl is playing with her dolls. Eventually, he returns.)

Father: “Okay, so date night is off. We’ll find a different sitter next time. Daddy’s playing tea party tonight. Sorry to waste your time!”

Me: “Oh well. It’s fine; no problem. I hope your search is successful!”

(Honestly, the wife astounded me. How on Earth can you be so ignorant? At least the little girl got her tea party!)

They Didn’t Have THAT Scene In The Babysitter’s Club

, , , , , , , | Right | September 18, 2018

(I am babysitting for two boys, ages two and seven. The two-year-old is still in diapers, and is very wriggly when I try to change his diaper. He even kicks me in the face sometimes. On this particular occasion, he has diarrhea, and it’s a mess. I’m attempting to change his diaper, but he keeps moving and making more of a mess. The seven-year-old comes over.)

Seven-Year-Old: “I can hold his legs for you while you change him.”

Me: “Are you sure? It’s going to smell pretty bad when I fully open the diaper.”

Seven-Year-Old: “I’m sure.” *grabs his brother’s legs* “Whenever you’re ready.”

(I open the younger boy’s diaper. A smell like death fills the room. I try to clean him up and change him quickly, but the older boy and I both are gagging and having to turn away repeatedly. I finally finish changing the boy’s diaper, and he runs off. The older boy and I quickly dispose of the diaper and run into the kitchen to wash our hands and get a breath of air that doesn’t smell deadly. I get an idea.)

Me: “Are you hungry at all?”

Seven-Year-Old: “Yeah, a bit.”

Me: “How about some cookies? I think we deserve them.”

Seven-Year-Old: “Yeah! Thanks!”

(We begin eating cookies when the younger boy comes over and looks at me expectantly.)

Two-Year-Old: “Cookie?”


(I didn’t stop laughing for an hour.)

What The F*** Did I Say?!

, , , , , , , | Related | July 12, 2018

(My aunt has to run to the shops while I am visiting, so she takes one of my cousins and I stay at home with the other one. We’re watching YouTube on my laptop when I accidentally knock it onto the floor.)

Me: “Oh, s***.”

Cousin: “S***! S***!”

Me: “Don’t say that! That’s a naughty word and we’re not allowed to say it!”

Cousin: “Is it… a swear word?”

Me: “Yes, and that’s why we can’t say it.”

Cousin: “Is it a swear word like ‘f***ing’?”

Me: “Where did you hear that?”

Cousin: “Mum calls people ‘f***ing idiots’ in the car a lot.”

Me: “Yes, they’re both swear words, and that’s why we don’t say them. Promise me you won’t say it.”

Cousin: ”I promise!”

(We go back to watching some kid’s show on YouTube. About half an hour later, my aunt gets home.)

Cousin: *jumps off the couch like her a**e is on fire and runs to greet her* “MUMMY! MUMMY! ‘F***ING’ IS A SWEAR WORD!”

(Thankfully, my aunt didn’t murder me… but I had to cook dinner that night as punishment.)

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