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Does Your Gender Get In The Way Of The Controls Or Something?

, , , | Working | May 16, 2022

I was a woman in the military — not only that, but I was a welder, working with mechanics. I picked up a few things I didn’t already know and was qualified to operate the heavy machinery.

Our BN XO [Battalion Executive Officer] drove by while I was operating said machinery, and screamed at us to stop.

BN XO: “Stop! That girl is illegally operating this equipment!”

I was working with the guy who trains everyone in the battalion on operating that equipment. But clearly, I was doing it illegally.

He Barely Has Any Peach Fuzz

, , , , , , , | Right | May 9, 2022

I’m a server working on a busy Friday night when I get a family of three: a dad, a mom, and a guy who we can plainly see is in the military. He looks young and is very flirtatious.

Me: “Hello and welcome! I’ll be taking care of you.”

Son: “Thank God we got a hot one.”

Me: “Ha. Okay. What can I get you to drink?”

Mom & Dad: “Water, please.”

Son: “I’ll take a peach margarita.”

Me: “What kind of tequila?”

Son: *Starts to smile* “Which do you prefer?”

Me: “Don Julio is top shelf here.”

Son: “Great. I’ll take that.”

Me: “Okay. Can I see your ID, please?”

Son: “I’m not sure if I have it. I just got home from the military and I’m looking for a good drink and good company.” *Winks*

Me: “Okay, but I can’t serve you unless you have ID.”

Son: “All I have is my military ID on me. I don’t know if it has my birthdate on it, though.”

As a bartender as well, I know it does.

Me: “That’s fine. I’ll just look at it quickly.”

The son smiles really big and winks again.

Son: “Okay… here you go.”

I take the ID and flip it over to see his birthdate.

Me: “Wait… you aren’t twenty-one. You just turned nineteen.”

The son loses his smile and takes back his ID.

Dad: “I’ll take the peach margarita.”

Me: “Sorry, but I can’t serve a drink he ordered to you.”

Dad: “But he’s in the military, for Christ’s sake!”

In my head, I’m thinking he just got out of boot camp. At this point, I’m pretty pissed at all the time they’ve wasted. I’ve been sat again, and I know I’m not going to get a tip from this family.

Me: “Sir… I don’t care if he’s in the Avengers. He isn’t twenty-one and looks it. I’ll get fired on the spot.”

Dad: “Can we request another server?”

Me: “If you don’t like this table, you can go back to the host and put your name down for another table and server. The wait is forty-five minutes. I’ll be right back with your waters if you decide to stay.”

I then turned around and greeted my next table. They did stay but complained about everything, so the manager went by. They tried ordering the drink with him, and since I had already explained everything to him, he carded the kid and said, “I’ll bring you a virgin peach margarita on me.”

No tip on $40.00.

Like A Good Neighbor, Don’t Be An A**

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: tlittle197 | April 27, 2022

I’m in the US Navy and I come home to let the maintenance man into my apartment to work on something. He finishes his work and I see him out. I remember that my lock was sticking and it was hard to get the key in. Rather than call the maintenance man back over to fix it, I remember that I have some gun oil and run back inside to grab it, return to my door, spritz-spritz, test it with a key, mission accomplished

As I’m about to go back inside I hear:

Neighbor: “Hey, you! Come here!”

I turn around to see another tenant standing there.

Neighbor: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Fixing the lock. It was sticking, so I’m just lubing it up.”

Neighbor: “Exactly. Why aren’t you fixing mine?!”

Me: “Excu—”

Neighbor: “Just shut up, get over here, and fix my lock! I put in a maintenance request two days ago!”

I’m already not having any of this.

Me: “No.”

Neighbor: “Excuse me? How dare you?! I’ll have you know that I’m friends with the office ladies and your boss. I can get you fired for laziness.”

Me: “I doubt that.”

Neighbor: “It’s true! Now fix this lock or I’ll have your job!”

Me: “No. I don’t work here, idiot. I’m literally wearing my Navy uniform. I owe you nothing, and I’m going to go back inside now.”

Neighbor: “Ugh! Well, you still should have helped me!”

Me: “Maybe, had you been polite about it, I would have, but certainly not now. I’m going inside and you can f*** off, pound sand, and kick rocks in whichever order you feel like.”

I shut the door five minutes ago and she’s still screaming and pounding on my door. Ahh, music!

A Major Lack Of Observational Skills

, , , | Right | April 27, 2022

I was at a store with an ex once. I had just gotten off work at a dining facility on the local military base. My ex and I were standing in the candy aisle debating which bulk candy we wanted. A soldier walked up to me.

Soldier: “Where is [item]?”

Me: “I don’t know. I’m looking at candy to buy.”

Soldier: “Oh. It’s just that you look familiar.”

Me: “That’s probably because you saw me at dinner two hours ago.”

He left me alone after that.

In Deep Water And Deeper S***

, , , , , , | Working | March 23, 2022

I worked for a major private security company in Hawaii as a site supervisor for quite a unique property. This location was a 400-ish-acre valley that had once housed munitions for the United States Navy. Created in 1935, it was either nearing completion or already in service when Pearl Harbor was attacked. We have reason to believe it also served as an internment camp at some point during the war. When the Navy left in 1993, they left behind 200 or so munitions caves which were blasted into the sides of the mountains making up the valley. These massive bunkers would become industrial storage for rent sometime in 2005.

On this particular day in 2017, we had just experienced massive storms that sent the property’s river over the low-lying bridge between the two halves of the valley, rendering it unusable to any of our tenants.

I found out about this as soon as I came to work. I drove directly through our lower gate system into the forest to close the gate that would block access to the bridge so no one would get the bright idea of trying to Oregon Trail the river and get swept all the way down to Pearl Harbor.

When I arrived, I found that the water was about two feet over the road deck and moving furiously. I took my pictures, locked the gate, and started documenting the closure of half of the property.

One of our tenants rolled up behind me. He was a long-time member of the valley and was well aware of the bridge issue when we experienced heavy rains.

Tenant: “Hey! Open the gate!”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t. As you can see, the bridge is underwater.”

Tenant: “How do I get to my unit?!”

Me: “Sorry, [Tenant], but as you are well aware, when this front bridge is out, it means E row is inaccessible.”

Tenant: “I don’t give a f***! Open the gate!”

I sighed and gave his vehicle a once-over. He was driving a two-wheel-drive 1985 Ford Ranger that was sagging horrifically due to the trailer hooked up to it. He had about as much hope of getting to the other side as I did with my 2013 Mazda 2.

Me: “Sorry, no. At that depth and speed, you wouldn’t make it across with that vehicle. It’s against policy for me to let you try.”

Tenant: “What did you just f****** say to me?”

Me: “I said no.”

Tenant: “Do you know who you work for?!”

I deposited my report into my clipboard and closed it with a smile.

Me: “Yes.”

I proceeded to give the tenant a rundown of the admittedly very complex chain of command that the property used at the time, at no point mentioning his name.

Me: “Feel free to contact—”

Tenant: “Bring your supervisor down!”

Me: “I am the supervisor, and no one above me is in yet; it’s only 7:00 am.”

Tenant: “Well, I want that d*** gate open right now! I’ll take the risk!”

Me: “No.”

This went back and forth several times with the tenant getting angrier and angrier. Other tenants pulled up, watched in amusement, and left.

Eventually, the tenant told me that he was just going to wait until I left and cut our lock, and he was not very pleased when I reminded him that he was a tenant, not an owner, and that willful destruction of company property would get him evicted and trespassed.

Tenant: “I don’t f****** care! Maybe I want to leave this place! You can’t stay here all day.”

Me: “You’re right. I can’t!”

I reversed my own car and blocked the gate off, summoning my staff member to bring me the truck. I left my personal car blocking the gate system. Now, if, for some reason, the lock was removed, there was still a hatchback blocking access.

The tenant eventually left and filed a complaint against me only to be told off by my direct manager.

About four months after leaving, in April of 2020, I saw on the news that, during another storm, someone disregarded the orders of security and attempted to cross under similar circumstances. They were washed away as soon as they made contact with the water in a heaver and taller vehicle than what the tenant had that day.

The driver was lucky to survive and had to be rescued by helicopter while his truck was, of course, a total loss.