, , , , , , | | Related | July 17, 2019

When I was about four, my parents decided to get a Pomeranian. This was the first pet I ever had, and my parents were very attentive, making sure I was gentle with him. After a week or so, they trusted me enough with him to leave us alone together, and we were inseparable. I loved playing with the little guy. 

My grandparents were over for dinner one day and I excused myself to play. I was running back and forth from one end of the house to the other, so my parents asked me to stop. That’s when they noticed I had a pillowcase in my hand. They asked me what was in it and I said, “Nothing,” and ran off giggling as the bag started to bark. My parents chased me down and wrestled the bag out of my hands, rescuing the poor Pomeranian from me. When they got him out of the bag, he had doll clothes on him with marker all over his face and paws as if it were makeup and nail polish. 

After giving me a huge scolding, they sent the dog home with my grandparents, where he lived out his life very happily. They decided to wait a while before getting a couple of labs, figuring it would be harder for me to bully a larger breed. Luckily, I grew up to be much more loving towards dogs, but my parents still won’t let me live it down to this day!

Give A Dog A Bone

, , , , , | | Healthy | July 11, 2019

(One day at work, I hear my pharmacist and another technician talking about an unusual prescription that’s come in. Curious, I switch to a computer nearby and find them discussing a dog who’s been prescribed the generic for Viagra. Apparently, a recent study has indicated that it may be helpful for relieving coughing in dogs, for some reason, and we spend some time discussing how it might work in that regard. Later, as I’m working on the computer and she’s filling prescriptions behind me, she glances up and leans toward me, chuckling.)

Pharmacist: “You know, it’s hard enough for a person to talk to their doctor about this type of medication. I’d think it’d have to be even harder for a dog!”

Me: *playing along* “Well, yeah. Besides not being able to talk, it’s gotta be way more embarrassing for them, with everything all hanging out and no way to disguise it.”

(After a few moments.)

Me: “I can totally see the commercials, though. This gorgeous Golden Retriever stud going ‘Once, I was the laughing stock of the breeding kennel. But now, I’m back to being top dog, thanks to Viagra!’”

Pharmacist: *cracking up* “See, none of the other health care professions get to enjoy jokes like this.”

(I love my coworkers.)

Choose Between Your Feline Or Machine Overlords

, , , , , | | Working | July 8, 2019

(Inspired by the story of the guy who tells robo-callers, “Say, ‘cheese sandwich,’” I decide to try it out when I get a call for insurance. She honestly does sound like a real person so I am a little nervous.)

Robot: “Hello! I would like to talk to you about your car insurance.”

Me: “I already have car insurance.”

Robot: “I’m not going to ask you to change it; I just want to give you options. We work with…”

(As she begins to list different companies, my cat comes up to snuggle and I get an idea.)

Me: “Oh, hey, my cat is here. Did you want to say hello? He’s really friendly.”

Robot: “I’m sorry? I didn’t quite catch that.”

Me: “My cat is here. Would you like to say hi to him?”

Robot: “Uh-huh.”

Me: “All right. Say, ‘Hello, Linden.’”

Robot: *silence*

Me: “Say, ‘Hello, Linden.’”

Robot: “Okay! I will put you on the do-not-call list.” *click*

(Fairly certain that was a robot, but still…)

The Strangest Story Ever Toad

, , , , , | | Friendly | July 6, 2019

(This story is told to me by my husband who works in a greenhouse. He went into work this morning around five am. On his way to the greenhouse, he saw something in the path. Thinking it was a rock, he kicked it. It turns out it was two toads mating. The one toad followed him into the greenhouse, croaking at him loudly while the other came in and changed color. He put gloves on and chased the two of them all over the greenhouse. When he picked them up, they peed on him. Finally, he took them out back and let them go. Later, he was telling his coworker about this. His coworker’s response?)

Coworker: “Did you at least offer them a cigarette?”

Barking On Brand

, , , , , , | | Friendly | June 30, 2019

I live on a small residential road where the mailboxes are on houses and the mail carrier walks down the street to put the mail in each box. Out for a walk on a nice spring day, when a lot of people had their windows open, I saw the mail carrier going up to one of my neighbor’s houses.

This particular neighbor has a pair of lively Labradors who think every human they’ve ever met is their friend but announce this fact with very loud barking. As the mail carrier walked up to the house, I heard the dogs go off, and then over top of them my neighbor shouting, “IT’S JUST THE MAILMAN! WOULD YOU STOP BEING A DOGGIE STEREOTYPE?!”

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