Needs To Adopt Some Knowledge On The Subject

, , , , | Right | August 15, 2018

(I volunteer at a local animal shelter once per week. Since I worked part-time there last summer, the employees and I are on very good terms, so they don’t mind me offering advice to customers and getting them set up with the proper assistance. On this day, a woman I’d estimate to be about 60 comes into the shelter and stops in front of me while I’m folding laundry.)

Me: “Hi. Do you need any help?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m here to pick up Mack.”

(Mack is a very cute German Shepherd mix puppy we are accepting applications for; with puppies we tend to accept more than one applicant and then choose the best a day or two after the puppy is made available.)

Me: “Oh, um, do you mean you’d like to meet him outside the kennel?”

Customer: “No, I’m here to pick him up.”

Me: “Um… One moment, please.”

(I go and get [Employee], who runs the dog team.)

Employee: “So, I hear you’re interested in Mack?”

Woman: “Yes, I’d like to bring him home.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, but we’re not reviewing applications until tomorrow due to the high interest in him.”

Woman: “Applications?”

Employee: “Do… Do you have an application in on him?”

Woman: “Application?”

(It turned out the woman had no idea she needed to apply to adopt a dog! I later found out she had come by to try and adopt before with similar results. She didn’t get Mack, but she did fill out an application for another dog, so I guess she figured it out eventually. We all found the whole thing funny more than annoying, since she’s hardly the first one to make that mistake!)

The Dog Is Trained Better Than The Employee

, , , , , , | Working | August 15, 2018

(My dog has a vet appointment for vaccinations and some annual blood work. As a reward — or an apology — we go through a fast food drive-thru for some ice cream. She is an 80-pound mutt and, given her size, she is well-trained in social interactions.)

Drive-Thru: *automated recording* “Welcome to [Fast Food Place]. Did you know we serve breakfast all day? What can I get for you?”

Me: “Hi! Could I have a double bacon cheeseburger, plain, and a plain ice cream for my dog?”

Drive-Thru: *not automated* “Hold on! I’m not ready.”

Me: “Oh, sorry.”

Drive-Thru: “Okay, what did you want?”

Me: *repeats order*

Drive-Thru: “Okay, first window. Thank you.”

(I drive to the first window.)

Window: “Hi, you got the— Puppy! Oh, she’s so cute! Can I pet her?”

Me: “Uh, she’s actually not allowed to come to the driver’s side. Driving hazard.”

Window: “I just want to scratch her head!” *reaching in my car, in front of my face*

Me: “Sorry. She’s not going to come over.”

Window: *huffs* “Well, that’s not very nice. Your total is [total].”

Me: “Okay. Here’s my card.”

Window: “She’s so cute, though. Can’t you make an exception?”

Me: “No. I don’t want her coming over here because it’s dangerous if I’m driving.”

Window: “But you’re not driving.”

Me: “No? Is this not the drive-thru?

Window: “Fine!”

(The woman reached out to hand back my card and “accidentally” dropped it between my car and the building; I had to move forward and walk back to get it. When I looked at my receipt, there was a “survey” I could take at the bottom. You can guess how that review went!)

Bald Eagle Meets Blind Human

, , , , , , | Right | August 15, 2018

(I am part of a campground’s janitorial staff, meaning my duties include cleaning the bathroom facilities, picking up litter, etc. This occurs as I am walking with several coworkers from one of the eight bathroom facilities to the next. As we’re passing a campsite, a camper flags us down from his truck.)

Camper: “Do you guys know anything about the wildlife around here?”

(As janitorial staff, the only wildlife knowledge we have to have is what’s endangered, what’s invasive, and what’s dangerous, but while he could very well be asking for something along those lines, I have a passing knowledge beyond that, as well, so I step up.)

Me: “I’m not an expert, but I might still be able to help, and if not I’m sure I can get a hold of someone who can.”

Camper: “Do you think you can identify a bird for me?”

Me: “I could give it a try.”

Camper: “Well, it was about seven feet tall, and it had these pink and purple stripes up and down it.”

(I take a moment to think, mostly about whether or not he’s being serious.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I have no idea what that could be.”

Camper: “Well, here. Maybe a picture would help.”

(He gets out his phone, brings up a photograph, and shows it to me. It’s a very clear photo of a bald eagle standing on a dune. To this day, I have no idea where he got “seven feet tall,” or “pink and purple stripes” from.)

Me: “Oh, that’s a bald eagle.”

Camper: *looks at picture* “Are you sure?”

That Story Is Bull

, , , , , , | Working | August 14, 2018

(Our fast food store is in a semi-rural area. We have a pub on one side and a major road on another, and the remaining two sides are grazing fields frequented by a sizable herd of cattle. The fields have a high fence separating us from them; however, the quality of said fence isn’t great. One day when I am working drive-thru at the payment window, I hear a loud bang. I lean out to see, to my surprise, a large and rather agitated bull walking through the drive-thru.)

Me: *shouting* “[Manager], we have a bull in the drive-thru lane!”

Manager: *not at all believing me* “I’m sure we do, [My Name].”

(The bull goes running past me, hitting cars as it passes, and goes past the collection window where my manager is working.)

Bull: “MOO!”

Manager: “…”

(The bull then ran out onto the road, halting traffic for close to two hours whilst the police first tried to corral it back into the field, and finally tranquilised it when it started to get more aggressive.)

All Bark, No Bite

, , , , | Friendly | August 10, 2018

(I’ve just taken my geriatric golden retriever to a groomer within a larger store and, like most dogs, she is not happy about it. Before we reach the register, a small girl — maybe four or five — and her mother come out of an aisle.)

Girl: “PUPPY!”

Dog: *growls and turns away*

Girl: “Pet the puppy!”

Me: *I put my arm out to stop the girl from approaching* “I’m sorry, but I’d rather you didn’t pet her.”

Girl: “Why?”

Me: “Well, she just got a bath and she didn’t like it.”

Mother: “Why?”

Me: “Because she doesn’t like baths. So she’s grumpy and I don’t want your daughter to get hurt.”

Mother: “Does she bite?”

Me: “No, but she’s not in a good mood, and I’d rather she wasn’t provoked.”

Mother: “Are you threatening my daughter?”

Me: “No, I’m trying to protect her. [Dog] is old and just got a bath, so she’s not in a very good mood.”

Mother: “She’s fine. She’s good with dogs.” *to her daughter* “Go pet the puppy, sweetheart.”

Me: “Do not pet the puppy.”

Mother: “You have no right to tell my daughter what to do!”

Me: “And what happens if [Dog] does decide to lash out?”

Mother: “Why would you bring an a**hole dog to a public place?”

Me: “She’s not an a**hole; she’s old. F*** off.”

(I move to pass the two, keeping myself between my dog and the child. Just as we pass them, I turn to look back and see the girl reaching out to pet my dog.)

Me: “STOP!”

(My dog, as predicted, turns and growls at the girl, who recoils and starts crying.)

Mother: “Do not yell at my daughter!”

Me: “How many times do I have to say, ‘Do not pet my dog,’ before it sinks in?”

Mother: “She’s just trying to say hello!”

Me: “And I’m saying it’s not a good idea.”

Mother: “Well, [Store Manager] is a good friend of mine. I’m going to have you and your g**d*** dog banned!”

Me: “Okay, you do that.”

(I paid for my dog’s grooming and left the store. We’ve been back multiple times since, so I guess the woman wasn’t as high and mighty as she thought she was.)


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