Some Customers You Have To Bear With

, , , , | Right | August 16, 2017

(The fast food restaurant where I work is located on a busy road with deep woods behind the building. Our dumpsters are located on the edge of our parking lot, closed in with fencing. I am cashing out a woman and her two small children (under five years old), the only customers in the building. My coworker, who had just been running out the trash bins, runs into the building through the side door and SLAMS it behind her, peering over her shoulder.)

Coworker: “[My Name]! There’s a BEAR in the dumpster!”

Me: *forgetting there are children* “Holy s***, no.”

Coworker: “I went to open the fence to the dumpster and a BEAR climbed over the side wall and ran into the woods!”

(My manager grabs the phone in the office to call the police or animal control while my coworker is still peering out towards the woods to see if the bear comes back.)

Me: *turning to the customer and her kids* “Well, ma’am, I’d say you’re going to have to stay in a while. I don’t feel safe letting you out of the building. I’ll get you some sodas, too, for the trouble.”

Woman: “I can’t stay here! My dog is in the car with the windows open. What if she sees the bear and starts barking? The bear could come back and get into the car to get the dog, or the stupid dog might jump out of the car and run after the bear!”

Me: “I… see… Where are you parked?” *hoping she was parked on the front end of the building facing the highway away from the dumpsters*

Woman: “It’s the blue van.” *this is parked on the same side of the building as the dumpsters*

Coworker: “OH, MY GOD, HE’S BACK!”

Me: *internally swearing*

(The woman is absolutely INSISTENT on leaving, so my coworker and I go out with her, my coworker keeping an eye out for the bear once he wandered back into the woods. The woman’s car is parked roughly twenty feet away from the side door, so I grab one child by the hand and she picks up the other, and we get the kids in the car quickly, buckle them up, and my coworker and I wave her off once we run (nearly peeing our pants) back into the building. An hour later my shift ends and I make my way out of the building toward my car. Two cop cars have arrived by that point to make sure that anyone who pulls in stays far away from the dumpsters and the woods and to make sure the bear doesn’t come back. I am parked right up along the dumpsters, so I talk to one of the cops as I got into my car.)

Cop: “Did you call in for the bear?”

Me: “Not me; my manager. I didn’t see the bear myself. Have you?”

Cop: “Yeah, it was a little baby bear.”

Me: “Oh, god, that’s even worse. Who knows what kind of mood Mama Bear is in?!”

Cop: “Yeah, I just had to try to explain that to some crazy woman with two babies. When we pulled in they were walking up the hill with their dog because they went into the woods to take pictures of the baby bear.”

Me: “They– Wait, WHAT?!”

Cop: “Yeah, see, they knew about the bear but when she saw it was a baby bear she said the staff was ‘being ridiculous,’ so she parked again to let her kids see the bear and they went down the hill. My supervisor yelled at her about endangering her children and molesting the wild life and stuff.”

(So to recap: I escorted this woman and her kids to the car, basically volunteering to be HUMAN BEAR BAIT if necessary so her kids could be buckled up and get home safely, and her response was to say “Screw it. I’ll just FEED MY KIDS TO THE BEAR.”)

“Winter Is Coming” Could Not Prepare You For This

, , , , , | Right | August 16, 2017

Customer: “I would like to sit outside.”

Me: “I’m afraid our outdoor dining area is closed for the winter.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It’s too cold and snowy.”

Customer: “Well, last time I was here I sat outside and had the most fun feeding the ducks. Can you bring them in?”

Me: “Those are wild ducks from the park.”

Customer: “Yes, bring them inside.”

Me: “I can’t bring wild animals inside. Besides, they aren’t around in the winter.”

Customer: “Well, fix it or I’ll have you fired! Give me someone to complain to!”

Manager: “I can give you the number of the biology department of the local high school. Maybe they can explain winter and the migratory patterns of wild ducks.”

Rabbits Are My Number One And Two Favorite Animals

, , , | Learning | August 16, 2017

(I work as an animal carer for our local petting zoo which also has a child day-care center for children aged 0-4. Off course the children love all the animals and are always curious what we are doing. One morning I am on my way to feed our rabbit groups near to where the children are playing. A cute little girl of about three follows me to the pens.)

Girl: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I am going to feed the rabbits and give them some water.”

Girl: “Why?”

Me: “Well, I think they would like to have something to eat and to drink just like you do.”

Girl: “Will that make them pee and poo?”

(Trying to keep a straight face.)

Me: “Yes, they will need to pee and poo.”

(The girl seemed satisfied and I allowed her to pet one of the rabbits for a moment before she went off to play again.)

Needs “How To Behave Like A Decent Human Being” Classes

, , , , , | Right | August 16, 2017

(I work at a pet store that also provides training classes for dogs. The day before, the trainer got into an accident and went to the hospital. He then had a bad reaction to some antibiotics he was given and had to rush back to the emergency room the next morning. He calls and tells the manager on duty that he can’t come in, so she agrees to call his students and let them know class is canceled and will resume next week as scheduled. Unfortunately, his paperwork is messed up and the manager does not know he has a seven pm class, so she doesn’t call them. The four families arrive and ask me when class is starting. Since I got there at four pm I have no idea what is going on so I ask the manager and she tells me to relay what happened to the class, since she is busy.)

Me: *addressing all four families* “I have just been informed that the trainer had a bad reaction to his antibiotics and had to be rushed to the hospital, so he had to cancel class. We were told that the manager earlier called all his students to let them know but I think she missed your class. I am terribly sorry, you guys. Class will start next week.

Customer #1: “Oh, okay, no problem. Thank you!” *happily walks off to go shopping*

Customer #2: “Things happen. We’ll see you all next week!” *leaves store*

Customer #3: *suddenly intensely irate* “THIS IS RIDICULOUS! I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS! WHY WE WERE NOT CALLED?! HUH?!”

Me: *calmly but slightly taken aback by her sudden shift in tone* “I apologize, but I do not know anything about training. I do not work that department; all I know is I was told the morning manager called the classes b—“

Customer #3: “WELL, CLEARLY NO ONE GOT CALLED BECAUSE WE’RE ALL HERE! I WANT TO TALK TO THE MANAGER, NOW!”

Me: “Of course. She’s the blonde one over there helping the customer with fish.”

Customer #3: “THE ONE WITH HER BACK TO US?! HORRIBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE!” *stomps off towards the other end of the store*

(Customer #4 was standing off to the side during this entire exchange and now looks over at me and approaches. I prepare for the worst.)

Me: “I am terribly sorry about this inconvenience. I thought the manager called this morning.”

Customer #4: “Oh, honey, it is not your fault. I don’t know what that lady’s problem is but she needs to pull out whatever died up her butt. It’s not an inconvenience; I literally live five minutes away and I bet you she lives about that far, too. Some people think that just because you work at a store you don’t have a life outside of this and you need to cater to them.”

Me: *relieved* “Thank you for understanding! So many people just don’t get it.”

Customer #4: “Well, she obviously never worked retail! I worked retail for ten years and it gives you a whole new perspective on life. Don’t let her get you down. This ain’t a big deal. Have a good night. We’ll see you next week. And tell the trainer I hope he is feeling better!” *leaves the store*

(My faith in humanity has been restored.)

Georgia Wagstaff, Meet Richard Parker

, , , | Related | August 15, 2017

(I am in the car with my three-and-a-half-year-old son on our way home from the toy shop. He picked out a stuffed tiger. It should be noted that he occasionally forgets what he named his toys.)

Me: “That’s a very cool tiger. What will you name him?”

Son: “Mummy, it’s a girl!”

Me: “Okay, she still needs a name.” *trying to think of something he can remember* “How about Fluffy?”

Son: “No.”

Me: “Stripes?”

Son: “No.”

Me: “What about Ginger?”

Son: “I don’t like those names!”

Me: “So what will you call her?”

Son: “Georgia Wagstaff!”

(I have no idea where he heard those names but two years later the tiger is still named Georgia Wagstaff and he still plays with her.)

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