I work in an escape room. A grandfather and granddaughter come in and do two rooms. About seven minutes into the room:

Grandfather: “Hey, I can’t see; I don’t have my glasses on me. Can you get them from the car?”

Granddaughter: “Sure.”

She goes downstairs to get the glasses and can’t find them, so she drives home to get them. It’s been some time and the grandfather comes up to me.

Grandfather: “Do you know where my granddaughter went?”

I tell him that she drove home to get the glasses, and he starts panicking because he gave her the keys to the car and has no way of getting home.

Me: “She took off in a Mitsubishi.”

Grandfather: “I don’t drive a Mitsubishi; I drive a Mustang.”

We went downstairs and saw the Mustang parked in the street. This girl STOLE A CAR FROM A BUSINESS BELOW WHERE I WORK. She came back, and the owner of the car came outside, freaking out. She took the car because the man’s keys were in the car. This girl is apparently bipolar and must’ve been manic and just went for a joyride in the car to get her grandfather’s glasses. The cops came and talked to everyone except me, and the man didn’t press charges because nothing was missing nor was the car damaged.

The granddaughter and grandfather drove away and I was left here dying from laughter because this was the best thing that I’d ever seen working at an escape room!

I’m at a party and we are playing Thirty Seconds, where you have to describe five terms on a card and your team has to guess them in thirty seconds. It is my team’s turn.

Team Member: “It’s a phone. It’s also a fruit.”

Me: “Bananaphone!”

The entire room erupted laughing and I didn’t live it down for years. The word was “blackberry,” by the way.

In 2008, a certain incredibly popular MMORPG is releasing its VERY anticipated second expansion. I’m working third-shift stock, and I am planning to grab a copy of said expansion as soon as it can be legally sold after midnight. During the pre-work huddle, our night manager lets us know the electronics person has called out for the night, so there won’t be anyone to cover that area.

Me: “Um, we’re going to want someone to cover that area tonight. You know [Expansion] is being released tonight, right?”

Manager: “It’s not that big of a deal; we’re probably only going to get a couple of people getting it tonight. I can cover it if they need it.”

Me: “You’re not serious? We have two full displays of it in the back, and I’d wager we’ll sell out of at least one of them before day shift comes in.”

Manager: “No, we won’t. It’ll be fine.”

Me: “There are literally already people in the store waiting for midnight.”

Manager: “I said it’ll be fine!”

Me: “Oooookay, then.”

Fast forward an hour or so. The manager stops by the area I’m stocking.

Manager: “I don’t appreciate you questioning me in front of everyone.”

Me: “I was just pointing out that we’re going to need someone in electronics in about an hour because we’re going to be slammed.”

Manager: *Rolling his eyes* “Fine. I’ll make you a bet. If it’s really as busy as you say, I’ll do your end-of-night cleanup. If it’s not, you’re on cardboard baler duty the rest of the week.”

Me: “Deal.”

Fast forward another hour, and the clock hits midnight. I can hear the crowd from my area, which is nearly halfway across the store. Cue frantic paging from associates who happen to be walking past. I take my lunch break and join the insanity, getting my copy before we sell out. I actually underestimated the crowd; we are halfway through our second display unit of said expansion. I walk up to the checkout, and our frazzled manager, who is usually VERY put together, glares at me.

Me: “What? I’m on lunch.”

Manager: “I hate you. So much.”

Me: “I did warn you. Would you like me to at least put all of my cardboard in carts so you can do my clean-up, or is that included in the deal?”

Manager: “I am not doing your clean-up.”

Me: “I thought we had a deal?”

Manager: “Absolutely not. Clean-up is part of your job.”

Me: “Wow. Sore loser, much?”

I left with my copy of the expansion, put it in my locker, and enjoyed the rest of my lunch break. When the end of my shift approached, my manager walked past, looked at my carts full of cardboard, and immediately went to find something else to do. No, he never made good on his end of the bet. But he did at least listen in the future when I pointed out situations where we were going to be selling highly-anticipated releases. So, I guess I can chalk it half up in the “win” column?

I’m playing video games when my mom asks me to do something.

Me: “Yeah, just let me die a second.”

There’s a long pause.

Mom: “I know what you mean, but please never say that again.”

I am a manager at a video game store. In my off time at home, I often play PC games with my wife. In particular, we both like RuneScape, a medieval-themed MMORPG. One of my coworkers is also into RuneScape; he often talks and brags about his achievements to customers, much to their — and my — irritation. He has also had a habit of showing up late from time to time, and in some cases not showing up at all. This story takes place on my day off. My wife and I are playing a minigame on RuneScape when an announcement appears in chat.

Announcement: “News: [Coworker’s Username] has just achieved level 99 in all skills!”

Wife: “Wow, he finally maxed!”

Me: “Indeed. Shame he felt it necessary to skip out the morning shift to get it though, am I right?”

Wife: “I guess.”

Me: “Ah, well. I’ll congratulate him tomorrow. Maxing is a big achievement, after all.”

When he came in to work the following day, I congratulated him on maxing his account… and then fired him for excessive lateness because he was already on his last chance. Ironically, his RuneScape account would get banned a month later for using an unauthorized third-party bot program.