Part Of The Whole App Game

, , , , | Right | October 13, 2019

I answer customer feedback emails. Here is one of my silliest:

“To Whom It May Concern,

My phone has [Game App] installed on it. As I am sure you are aware, your company has chosen to advertise with [Game App Company]. Your ad decided to impact my loading time, causing me to lose my game. I guarantee you, I will never purchase a single one of your products. Ever. Either choose lighter ads or better companies to advertise with.

Thank you for your time,

[Fake Name]”

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GamerGate Refuses To Die

, , , , , | Friendly | October 3, 2019

(My husband and I are out at a local bar we frequent, and I’m talking video games with the bartender, with whom I get along well. A popular video game series I love has just released a new installment. Another patron is clearly listening in but hasn’t tried to join the conversation.)

Bartender: “So, did you get [Game]? I know you were looking forward to it.”

Me: “I did! I tried it first from one of those rental kiosks, and I liked it enough that I turned around and bought it right after.”

Bartender: “Ah, cool. I saw it come out, and the reviews were kind of iffy, and I was worried, like, ‘Oh, no, that’s [My Name]’s game.’”

Me: “Yeah, I mean, I can see where a lot of the criticisms come from, and honestly, they’re probably valid, but I still really like it despite them.”

(We chat a bit more while the other guy at the bar looks more and more agitated until…)

Guy: “Look. All I’m going to say is that you’re wrong, and [Game] is objectively bad.”

Me: “Oh, uh, well, to each their own.”

(He sounds really heated, like he wants to argue, and I’m not interested in engaging with someone who’s automatically hostile, so I turn back to my husband and friend, but…)

Guy: “No, that’s a cop-out.”

Other Random Guy: “Dude, she likes it; you don’t. She ain’t trying to argue. It’s all good.”

Guy: “No, that’s a cop-out!”

(My husband and the bartender are starting to look visibly annoyed. I just want a quiet evening, so I try to defuse the situation.)

Me: *smiling* “Well, luckily, nobody is going to come to your house, tie you to a chair, and force you to play it.”

Guy: *angrily* “Get over yourself!”

Husband: “Hey, man, lower your voice. Relax.”

Guy: “You relax!” *jabbing a finger at me* “That’s a cop-out, and you’re letting her get away with it!”

Bartender: *calmly, smiling* “I’m going to comp your drink there, buddy. You’re closed out.” 

Guy: “I don’t want–”

Bartender: *still smiling calmly* “You’re closed out. You can go. You should go.”

(My friend is a pretty big guy, and this dude finally seemed to realize he wasn’t wanted and stormed out. I still can’t believe how angry he was over nothing, and he didn’t seem drunk or high. From then on, “It’s a cop-out” became a running gag there, and I got used to the bartender sighing ruefully and saying, “That’s SUCH a cop-out… I don’t know why I keep letting you get away with it,” from time to time when I ordered something.)

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Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 42

, , , , , , | Working | September 5, 2019

(While managers usually schedule our breaks, there’s some flexibility. My coworker comes on the radio to ask about it.)

Coworker: “Hey, [Manager], when’s my break?”

Manager: “It’s at [time].”

Coworker: “Can I take it earlier?”

Manager: “Uh, I guess so. What’s up?”

Coworker: “There’s an event going on in Pokémon Go…”

Manager: *sighs* “All right, go take your break…”

Related:
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 41
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 40
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 39
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 38

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The Great Jenga Haunting

, , , | Right | September 3, 2019

(At the toy store where I work, we have a giant Jenga game — about three feet tall — set up for customers to play with. This is an outdoor game, designed to be played on grass. We have it set up on a hard plastic table over a tile floor in an area with excellent acoustics; when it collapses, the noise is cataclysmic. We also have a door chime which is high-pitched and kind of annoying. One day, I’m checking out a customer when the door chime goes off several times in rapid succession.)

Customer: “Gah, that noise is so annoying!”

Me: *sigh* “Tell me about it.”

Customer: “Yeah, I guess it must be worse for you, right? Does it follow you home? Like, does that noise haunt you at night?”

(As if on cue, the Jenga tower collapses with a migraine-inducing cacophony. The customer ducks as if he’s being shot at and then looks up at me with wide, frightened eyes.)

Me: “No, that’s the noise that follows me home at night.”

(He gave a shaky laugh and left, giving the display table a wide berth. We had to put up with the noise for another month before management agreed to display something quieter.)

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Crafting A “The Floor Is Lava” Room

, , , , , | Friendly | August 22, 2019

(I’ve recently started a casual, semi-survival server for my friends and me on a popular block-based game. On this day, I’m alone on the server collecting supplies underground, a fairly decent ways away from our base, when one of my friends logs on. All of this takes place through the in-game chat function.)

Friend: “Hey! Don’t be alarmed, but I am going to do some house construction.”

Me: “That’s fine. What are you gonna do?”

Friend: “I’m going to replace walls and stuff to be more open and modern, and expand some things to make a living room and kitchen. :-)”

Me: “Ooh, I can’t wait to see it.”

(There’s radio silence in the chat for about 20 minutes when…)

Chat: “[Friend] tried to swim in lava.”

(About five minutes later…)

Chat: “[Friend] tried to swim in lava.”

(Five minutes later…)

Chat: “[Friend] burned to death.”

Me: “What on earth are you doing?!”

Friend: “You’ll see! :-)”

(She was digging out the area under our base and creating a natural-looking lava pool that was to then be covered in glass. She’s so lucky I decided to turn “keep inventory” on.)

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