My sister is transgender. My dad tries his darndest to be supportive of this (and, as far as my sister is concerned, that IS support in its own right), but is very up-front about his lack of knowledge on this front… and has a horrible tendency to run into a**holes when he goes looking for said knowledge, which has made him hesitant to do his own research.

He also happens to be a devoted D&D-er who plays his character with an aversion to magic, and occasionally tells us stories about his games. This conversation happened when my sister was considering gender affirmation surgery.

Dad: “Can you explain it in a way that I would understand?”

Sister: “Actually, I can. Basically, I’m going to remove a cursed item.”

Dad: “…Huh?”

Sister: “You once told us about “cursed items” – they suck at best, they’re harmful more often than not, and if you put them on before you realize that, you can’t get rid of them. Well, [Dad’s Character] can’t get rid of them, because he doesn’t have magic, so he has to go and find a cleric before he can take it off and throw it away. Right?”

Dad: “That sounds like the rough notes, yeah.”

Sister: “Well, I’m stuck wearing a cursed item, and I’m going to see the clerics at [Local Hospital] to help me take it off.”

The next morning, our planning calendar in the kitchen had a date marked with “[Sister] visits the clerics” on it.

I work in a gaming arcade. I’m working the prize counter while kids run wild on the skee-ball machines and teens hover near the racing games. A very intense dad, clutching a fistful of crumpled prize tickets, rushes over.

Customer: “I added it up. This is exactly 4,100 tickets.”

Me: *Scanning the pile.* “Alright, that’ll get you anything in the third shelf and below.”

Customer: “My son wants the mini speaker and the lava lamp. That’s 5,000 total. But we’ve been here for three hours.”

Me: “Okay?”

Customer: *Stares expectantly.*

Me: “Sir, I can’t give you both.”

Customer: “But we spent money. A lot of money.”

Me: “And you got a lot of tickets.”

Customer: “So what are you gonna do?”

Me: “…Give you a choice between the mini speaker or the lava lamp?”

Customer: “You’re telling me there’s no reward for loyalty?”

Me: “Sure, there is. It’s called three hours of fun.”

There’s an intense stare off for a second, broken by his son asking out loud:

Customer: “Dad, what’s a lava lamp?”

I work in a small, independent board game store. It’s a quiet afternoon when a couple comes in; the guy looks excited; the woman clearly does not want to be there. She ends up being the customer.

Customer: “Do you have anything normal? All these look… complicated.”

Me: “We carry mostly modern strategy games, but if you’re looking for something simple and fun, I can recommend—”

Customer: “—No, no, I don’t want to learn rules. I barely want to roll dice.”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “So… you want to play a board game that’s just… what… staring at a board?”

Customer: “I just don’t see why you’d want to play anything that takes more than five minutes to understand. What do you have that has no dice, no complicated stuff?”

Me: “We have Cards Against Humanity.”

Customer: “I’ve played that. It sucks. No card games!”

Me: “Hmm, the only thing we have that doesn’t have dice or cards is chess.”

Customer: “Is it complicated?”

Me: “Well, it can take just a few minutes to learn—”

Customer: “—perfect!”

Me: “—And a lifetime to master.”

Customer: “Ugh… that sounds exhausting.”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “Hun, remember this is for your nephew, not you.”

Customer: “Yes, but I’m trying to avoid him from becoming a geek like you!”

Well, doesn’t THAT sound like a healthy relationship?

She ended up getting an age-appropriate version of Monopoly, because it doesn’t have “monsters and trolls and s***.” Capitalism wins again!

My boyfriend and I are each playing the video game ‘Clair Obscur Expedition 33’. For those of you who haven’t played it but are going to, this will not spoil anything. For those who don’t play games, I just hope you find it funny like I did. And for those of you who know, you know. 

These were our text messages:

Me: “Have you started Act Two yet?”

Boyfriend: “No, I’m at [place in game]. Don’t tell me anything!”

Me: “Ah, okay.”

Several hours later.

Me: “Have you reached Act Two?”

Boyfriend: “No, I’m grinding right now.” *Doing a lot of fighting to level your characters up.*

Me: “Okie.”

At 11 pm that night:

Boyfriend: “WHAT THE ACTUAL F***?!”

Me: “Ah, you just finished Act One, then…”

Early this afternoon, a customer walked into our store location. We have known him for the last four years. He works odd hours as a security supervisor for a large local bank and always gets a drink and one of our hot foods.

Today he walked in, looked at the drinks, and then held out his car keys. He pointed them at the doors to the fridge and began pushing one of the buttons, causing a small red car in the parking lot to start beeping occasionally.

After letting him do this for about twenty seconds, I walked up to him.

Me: “Are you… are you okay?”

Customer: “Yeah, the door won’t open.”

I stared at him for a moment and then reached out and pulled the door open by the handle.

There was a long pause during which he looked at the keys in his hand and the door in mine.

Customer: “What the h*** was I doing?”

Me: “I don’t know, but I reiterate, are you okay?”

Customer: “Are any of us really okay?”

Me: “I mean, no, but we get by.”

Customer: “Sounds good.”

At the register, he filled me in on the fact that he had forgotten that he had an extended shift today and ended up staying up till 5 in the morning trying to figure out how to plant and care for sugar cane on Farming Simulator 25. As a result, he had banked about four hours of sleep, which is why his drink of choice was an energy drink.

Godspeed, my friend.