An older woman walks in with who I later learn are her three adult sons (all in their twenties). She marches in and heads straight to the help desk, ignoring any other customers already waiting, and starts shrieking.

Customer: “My iPhone is broken! It doesn’t have WhatsApp!”

Me: “I’ll be happy to help you, but please take a number and—”

Customer: “—I need WhatsApp to talk to my sons! Fix it, or you’ll be personally responsible for me not speaking to my sons!”

I look at my current customer, who is shrugging and laughing. I take a quick glance at this shrieking customer’s smartphone and see the WhatsApp app on her screen.

Me: “That app right there is WhatsApp. You already have it on your phone.”

Adult Kid #1: “See, mum? We told you already that was WhatsApp!”

Customer: *Ignoring her son.* “They’re kids! What do they know?!”

Me: “Well, I’m not, and I do know. And I do know that the green app right there is WhatsApp.”

Customer: “No, it’s not! My phone can’t load WhatsApp, so you have to fix it!”

Me: “Alright then, since you seem to have WhatsApp but you say you don’t, I don’t think it’s something we can fix in store. We’ll need to send it to our specialists in London to look at and then send it back once fixed.

Customer: “That’s going to take too long!”

The sons, spotting an opportunity here, all chime in.

Adult Kid #1: “Hey, take as long as you need.”

Adult Kid #2: “The longer you have it, the longer we’re free from her messages.”

Adult Kid #3: “Might want to double-check all your work.”

Adult Kid #1: “H***, triple check it! Better to be thorough.”

Adult Kid #2: “Maybe send it to Apple Worldwide HQ in California or whatever. Only the best service for mum’s phone!”

Customer: “I’m beginning to think you boys are being disingenuous!”

Adult Kid #1: “We’re kids, mum, we know nothing, including how to be disingenuous.”

Adult Kid #3: “What does disingenuous mean?”

Adult Kid #1: “See? We literally don’t know the meaning of the word!” *To me.* “So, how long can we expect our mum to be without a phone? A month? Two?”

Me: “I mean, um…”

Adult Kid #1: “Ooooor, mum, you could try that green weird-looking app and let us convince you it’s WhatsApp?”

Me: “If it helps, I can tell you that it is WhatsApp.”

Customer: “Hmmmmmmm.”

What was crazy is that instead of admitting her adult sons were right about something and she was wrong, she let her phone be sent to London to be “fixed”. Of course, there was nothing to fix, so they just held it for two days and sent it back.

Because the mum had no way of being contacted, [Adult Kid #1] volunteered to be the one we called to collect the phone when it was back in our store, which he did… ten days later.

I got a ticket from a lady saying her screen is blank. I called to troubleshoot.

Me: “Ma’am, is your computer on?”

User: “I don’t know, how would I check?”

I hear a coworker next to her grunt and turn on the computer for her.

User: “Oh! Okay, it’s on. Now it’s telling me to type in my username or password.”

Me: “Username AND password.”

User: “What?! Both?! Every time?!”

Me: “Yes.”

User: “Oh, I’m not sure how I feel about that…”

Our family is driving from one Canadian province to another on the way to see extended family. It’s -30°C (-22°F) outside, so we’re all wrapped up warm in the car.

The check engine light comes on, and my dad decides to ignore it until we get to a gas station (it’s cold and dark). We pull up, and my dad gets out, opens the hood, and checks the parts of the engine that are prone to issues when it’s so cold.

He opens the door and gets back in the car, laughing a little.

Mom: “What’s so funny?”

Dad: “I need the flashlight from the glove compartment so I can see better.”

She hands it to him.

Mom: “I still don’t get what was so funny?”

Dad: “I was using the flashlight on my iPhone, but it just told me that it was too cold to function and refused to do anything until it was warmer.”

Mom: “Really?! I’ve never seen that before!”

Dad: “Me neither! So now I have to grab a $5 flashlight because my $850 phone refuses to do the job!”

Okay, now I can see the funny side…

Coworker: “Tech support is telling me my computer got a virus.”

Me: “What did they advise?”

Coworker: “Unplug the network cable.”

Me: “To avoid further spread, I would assume. Okay, let’s do that.”

I unplug the cable.

Coworker: “Do we need to throw away the infected network cable?”

Me: “Uh…”

Coworker: “Don’t hold it like that! Some of the virus might leak out!”

Me: “I’m… uh… gonna go and clean it.”

Coworker: “Oh! Good!”

A customer is at my checkout, but before she hands over an item to be scanned:

Customer: “Can you price check this and see how much they sell it for at Walmart?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “It’s not the cashier’s responsibility to price check against other stores. You need to do that.”

Customer: “Well, just check this one item then, real quick! No one will care.”

Me: “Even if I were allowed to, I’m not able. I don’t have access to the Internet here.”

Customer: “Sure you do! You have a computer there!”

Me: “This is just my cash register.”

Customer: “It’s a screen with buttons and stuff! It’s a computer!”

Me: “It doesn’t have Internet access.”

Customer: “If it has screens and buttons, then it has Internet!”

Me: “Cool. When I’m on break later, I’ll be sure to check my Instagram on the microwave while I’m heating my pasta.”

Customer: “Ugh! You’re just being lazy.”

She stormed out, buying nothing.

Joke was on me. A decade later, my husband bought a microwave that could connect to our Wi-Fi, so maybe this customer was on to something?