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Makes You Want To Screen Loudly

, , , , , , | Right | December 8, 2022

Caller: “I bought one of them TVs off of you because my old one broke. Now I’m turning it on and I get nothing on the screen! I’m missing my football!”

Me: “Sorry to hear that, sir. What brand is your TV?”

Caller: “It says, ‘HP.'”

Me: “Sir, that means Hewlett Packard. That’s a computer monitor, not a TV.”

Caller: “But it’s a screen, ain’t it?”

Me: “Yes, but it’s not a TV. It’s just designed for computers.”

Caller: “I don’t get it! It’s a screen! I should be able to turn it on and see the football!”

Me: “Not all screens are TVs, sir. Some are designed to work with computers only. I’m sorry, but I can’t help you get a TV signal on the monitor all by itself.”

Caller: “But… it’s… a screen!”

Me: “Sir, there are lots of devices with screens that are not TVs.”

Caller: “Then what’s the point of making them if they’re not TVs? All screens should be TVs!”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t help you, sir.”

Caller: “D*** it! I’m missing my football! Wait, I got one of them… them sat-nav thingies! Can that play TV?”

Me: “It’s probably not a design feature to allow drivers to watch TV while driving, sir.”

Caller: “But… it’s a screen!”

He did not get to watch his football.

You Have To Have A Certain Brand Of Phone; It’s Called “Smartphone”

, , , , , , | Right | December 7, 2022

I’m buying my regular morning coffee at my favorite local shop. I pour my coffee and wait in line to pay. I hear them tell the customers in front of me that the card reader is down and that they can only take cash at the moment. Fine with me.

I step up to the counter with my drink and exact change, and the woman who has been in line just ahead of me steps aside but continues talking to the cashier and the manager who’s trying to troubleshoot the card reader.

Manager: “Yeah, I have no idea how to fix it. We’ll have to call tech support.”

Patron: “My dad runs a business, so I’m very familiar with these things. He can read cards from his phone. You should do that, too.”

Manager: “I don’t think that’ll work for us right now, but that’s good to know in case this happens again. We have [Common Small-Business Point-Of-Sale System]; is that what he uses?”

Patron: “Oh, I can call him. He can walk you through setting it up on your phone.”

Manager: “Thanks for offering, but we’d need the boss’s okay to do that. And we might not use the same system. What does he have?”

Patron: “Umm, I think it’s called Point Of Sale? It’s really easy to use. I can show you how it works.”

Manager: “Thanks, but I’m going to go call tech support now.”

I wished the cashier good luck and left at that point, but I wish I’d had time to stick around and see if this very knowledgeable businesswoman was going to call her dad and learn that “Point Of Sale” is not actually the point of sale system that he uses.

Did You Leave Your Brain In The Shop, Too?

, , , , | Right | December 7, 2022

Client: “My Internet doesn’t work!”

Me: “Can you tell me what you see on the computer screen?”

Client: “It’s black!”

Me: “Is your computer turned on?”

Client: “Of course it is! The green light is on!”

Me: “Can you try restarting the computer?”

Client: “I can’t; the tower is in the shop!”

Me: “…”

Me: “So, the green light is on your monitor?”

Client: “Yeah! My computer!”

One Click Too Many

, , , , , | Right | December 2, 2022

I have worked in computer repair for most of my working life. One day, back in about 2008 or 2009, I answered a phone call from a customer whose Internet was not working. I was trying to get her to reset the Internet settings in her browser. I’ve walked several customers through this process already, and it usually only takes a minute.

Me: “Can you open Internet Explorer?”

Customer: “Okay, I have done that, but it just says Page Not Found.”

Me: “That’s okay; we’ll try to solve that. If you look near the top right of your screen, you should see a small icon that looks like a cog or a gear. It will probably be just a bit below the red X.”

Customer: “Yes, I can see it.”

Me: “Can you click on it?”

Customer: “Okay, I’ve done that.”

Me: “There should be a menu that pops down, and it should have ‘Internet Options’ at the bottom.”

Customer: “Yes, I can see that.”

Me: “Can you click on ‘Internet Options’?”

Customer: “No, sorry, I can’t do that.”

Me: “Um, oh… Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “It’s too hard. Sorry, I really don’t know much about computers.”

Me: “Don’t worry too much. I’ll tell you exactly what to click on. This will only take a few more seconds. I just need you to click on ‘Internet Options’.”

Customer: “Sorry, I can’t do it. It’s too hard.” *Click*

What I find hilarious is that she had already clicked on a few buttons as I was walking her through it. I really don’t see why it suddenly got so much harder.

This Intern Has A Long Way To Go

, , , | Right | December 2, 2022

I’m an animator currently working on projects for an internal children’s network at a medical center. I asked an intern:

Me: “Please send me the complete project files for [final project he worked on].”

I received a 14 GB zip… that contained a copy of his operating system.