It’s Not Just The LED That Is Dim

, , , | Right | June 22, 2018

(As a second-level line technician at this ISP, I get a call from the first level about a customer who can’t get online; after that, the customer, a nice older lady, is transferred to me, as well. The troubleshooting begins…)

Caller: “You know, this morning I could still talk on the phone with my nephew. He called me at 9:30! And about 20 minutes after that, I tried to call him back and I couldn’t, and then I saw that the Internet is down, too.”

(This customer has upgraded to VoIP, which must be installed everywhere in Germany by 2017, so her phone conversations use the Internet.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, let’s see what caused this. Can you tell me the model of your router, and which LED lights are on?”

Caller: “Yes, it’s a [Company Brand] router. Only the power light is on, but the link light is on-and-off, and when it’s on it’s very dim!”

(This is the first time someone has told me their light is “dim.” After almost an hour of troubleshooting and establishing that there is nothing wrong with their connection or signal:)

Me: “It seems it’s a problem with the device itself. Hold on, and I’ll transfer you to a device technician to take a look at it.”

(This ISP has call centers all around Germany, so it’s the norm to get coworkers from other ends of the country when transferring someone. This time, however, I happen to get a coworker in the same office as me, who sits a pair of rows away.)

Me: “Oh, [Coworker], so glad I got you on the phone; I know you’re up to this. See, this old lady can’t go online anymore. Her line is all right, but her device behaves weirdly. Somehow the whole home network is down. Can you please take a look? Thank you.”

(I then go on about my business and forget about the entire thing. About 40 minutes later, my coworker stops me as I walk by.)

Coworker: “I’m so mad at you for that call! Do you know what happened?”

Me: “Um, no?”

Coworker: “Turns out the old lady’s husband tried the ‘reset’ button on the router because he thought that would update his device!”

Me: “I… I need to sit down.”

Coworker: “Yes… and I’m going for a smoke, because I need it.”

Real Pens Never Go Out Of Stylus

, , , , , | Right | June 20, 2018

(An elderly woman is paying for her purchase with a credit card. I help her swipe her card through the reader and prompt her to sign on the screen with the stylus. She is having some difficulty.)

Customer: *shaking the stylus* “This pen must be out of ink; it won’t write.”

Me: “It doesn’t use ink, ma’am. You need to keep your signature within the box.” *pointing at the box on the screen*

(She managed to make some illegible squiggles in the box. I handed her her receipt and wished her a pleasant afternoon. I giggled inside because I’m pretty sure she thought her shaking the stylus for ink is what made her signature appear.)

Thou Shalt Not Not Print

, , , , , , | Working | June 18, 2018

(I work at the front desk and I am currently printing off some documents for another department. Our technology, including this printer, is known to be cranky sometimes. I have to clear yet another paper jam, and I smack the back door to close it, otherwise it doesn’t close right. This results in a fairly loud crashing sound.)

Boss: *pops her head out of her nearby office* “What happened?!”

Me: “It’s okay; it’s just me putting the fear of God into the printer.”

Boss: “Oh, good. Carry on.” *leaves*

(I’m a fairly capable technical person, but sometimes a good smack upside the door is all it takes to fix it. And yes, it’s working now; it learned its lesson.)

They Need Adult Help

, , , , | Right | June 15, 2018

(I work in a bank call centre, where customers call in to report unrecognised transactions on their accounts. This customer has a joint account with her husband.)

Customer: “There are all these payments that made no sense to me.”

Me: “Ah, yes, I can see. These are all on your husband’s card, and the company they’re going to processes payments for adult entertainment. Does your husband ever use this?”

(You can imagine how common this is.)

Customer: “What’s that, dear? Adult…”

Me: “Adult entertainment.”

Customer: *to husband in background* “Do you use adult… something?”

(She genuinely seems to not know what it means.)

Husband: “No, I’ve actually never used that card for anything since I got it.”

(I proceed to file a claim against the payments.)

Me: “And would you like us to keep you updated on this via text message?”

Customer: “Ooh, yes, that would be great!”

Me: “Great, can I take a mobile number?”

Customer: “Oh, no, dear, we’ve just got the landline.”

Me: “You don’t have a mobile?”

Customer: “No, dear.”

Me: “Okay, so, we wouldn’t be able to send a text.”

Customer: *again sounding genuinely surprised* “Oh! Okay.”

They’re Just Browsing

, , , , , | Working | June 9, 2018

(My boss is a lawyer who uses a computer with two monitors on a daily basis. One day, he calls me into his office to help him.)

Boss: “I’m having a problem with my computer. It won’t go away.”

Me: “What won’t go away?”

Boss: *points to car picture on the second monitor* “That! It won’t go away!”

Me: “Okay, you want a different picture for your wallpaper?”

Boss: “No, I want it to go away!”

Me: “Let’s start over. What do you actually want to see on that screen?”

Boss: “Google. That’s what’s usually there!”

Me: *opens Chrome*

Boss: “Hey, it’s back! How did you do that?”

Me: “…”

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