Wait Until He Sees A Chromebook

, , , , , , | Right | December 10, 2018

(I walk in the doors to clock in for my shift.)

Coworker: “So glad you’re here now. A customer asked me a question about a computer that I couldn’t answer, and I told him you’d be in shortly.”

(I clock in and find the customer, a middle-aged male.)

Me: “Hi there. I was told you had a question.”

Customer: “Yeah, this [Brand] Satellite laptop — does this mean it can connect with the satellite for Internet access?”

Me: “At this price—” *something like $299* “—definitely not. Just the hardware it would need to do that would make the laptop much more than that price.”

Customer: “Then why would it have ‘Satellite’ on it?”

Me: “It’s just a brand model name; I couldn’t tell you why [Brand] decided on that model name, just like I couldn’t tell you how Chevy, Ford, and Toyota come up with the model names for their vehicles.”

(The customer gives me a deer-in-headlights look, then thanks me and walks away.)

Me: *to coworker* “You seriously needed me to answer that question?”

Rage Against The Machine Is For Little Old Ladies

, , , , | Right | December 5, 2018

(I’m standing in line to buy a gift card from the ticket counter at a movie theater. There is only an older lady in front of me, while the cashier is serving another customer, as all the other patrons are using the ticket machines nearby. The lady, thinking to find a kindred soul, looks at me with a frown.)

Customer: “Ugh, machines. Nowadays everything has to be with machines!”

Me: “Well, they’re really practical for—”

Customer: “No! I don’t like using them!”

Me: “But they’re practical—”

Customer: “No!” *grumbles some more*

Me: “They’re practical for the people who can use them.”

(It’s her turn to the counter then, and I hear her grumble to the cashier. It takes some time, but eventually it’s my turn. While I wait for him to process the transaction, I comment on the old lady.)

Me: “It’s such a great thing that there are still people we can talk to!”

Cashier: “Yeah, I’ve been working in retail for a long time. I don’t question things anymore.”

Me: “I don’t think she realizes that she’d have to wait much longer if there weren’t machines.”

That’s Not How Retail Works, That’s Not How Any Of It Works

, , , , , , | Right | December 4, 2018

(I’m working at a computer store when the original Wii comes out. Due to Nintendo being the company they are, they gave certain places only a small pallet of these game consoles. We were sold out within the first three hours of getting them.)

Customer: *comes up with crying child* “Excuse me. I’m sorry, but we’ve been to three stores already. Do you have the Wii?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we sold out.” *I look down at the crying little girl feeling bad*

(Suddenly the woman looks flustered and a little upset.)

Customer: “Well, can you, like, go back there and make one for us?”

Me: “Um, ma’am, that’s not how it works…”

(I take the next ten minutes explaining to this woman how retail stores work… You would think being someone who lives in the city and goes to multiple retail stores would know this?)

Obamacare Now Provides Free Phones

, , , , , , | Right | December 3, 2018

(I work for a major cell phone provider in the US. My store is a “store-within-a-store” partnered with another electronics chain. Our partner chain previously serviced multiple contract and prepaid providers Tracfone, Net 10, etc. When we came in, which was about two years ago, the company stopped selling any services besides our brand. From time to time we get someone looking for brands we no longer offer and we are supposed to offer them service.)

Customer: “This phone is a f****** piece of s***. I need a new one. What do you guys have on sale? I have an ‘Obama phone’ but it doesn’t have Internet. That d**k gives illegal immigrants health care but he can’t give citizens a phone with f****** Internet.”

Me: “Okay, are you currently on a contract or prepaid service?”

Customer: “I don’t have no contract. I want a new phone; this thing is junk.”

Me: “Okay, do you have [prepaid option #1] or [prepaid option #2]?”

Customer: “No, I have [Competitor]. I need a new phone; can’t a just buy one of these so you can put it on my number?”

Me: “Unfortunately, these phones are for [prepaid options] and won’t work on [Competitor]’s network. But we have holiday promotions going on right now for both prepaid and contract service if you bring your number in from another company.”

Customer: “Well, right now when my time runs out I have to get another card or my phone shuts off. It’s bull-s***. Do you have anything that won’t do that?”

Me: “Well, we have unlimited service without contract plans. I can run your credit and see what your elig—”

Customer: “I don’t want a f****** contract. They are scams. What is the other option?”

Me: “Well, on [prepaid option #1] you can get unlimited talk, text, and data for [price] a month. You just have to buy airtime every thirty days to keep your service. If you bring in your phone number you get [Phone] for free. You just have to buy the airtime.”

Customer: “How do I do that?”

Me: “You can pay here in store, over the phone, through an app, or sign up for auto-pay.”

Customer: “No way. I’m not giving you a**holes my credit card number. I don’t want to have to get a card to turn my service on. I already told you that.”

Me: “So… You don’t want a contract and you don’t want to buy airtime cards each month?”

Customer: “Yeah. How do I do that?”

Me: “Well, I don’t know of any service that offers an option other than contract or prepaid.”

Customer: “I just want it not to shut me off without having to get a card.”

Me: “Do you mean the Internet? You don’t want to have to renew service when you use all of your Internet?”

Customer: “Exactly. I don’t know why you didn’t understand. I don’t know why [Store] hired such a dumb b****!”

Me: *at this point I’m ignoring his insults because I don’t have the energy to ask him to leave* “Sir, I thought you understood that unlimited means there is no limit.”

Customer: “You didn’t say unlimited Internet!”

Me: “I’m sorry. That’s what I meant by unlimited data.”

Customer: “Well, you shouldn’t say that. Data is what the s*** on my f****** phone is called? How did you get this f****** job?”

Me: *still ignoring his insults* “So, would you like to start service today?”

Customer: “How much will it cost?”

Me: “[Amount] plus tax, if you bring in your number.”

Customer: “I thought you said it was free! You’re trying to rip me off.”

Me: “Unfortunately, the only thing free on the promotion is the device. You would have to pay for airtime.”

Customer: “Why can’t you just bill me later?”

Me: “You said you didn’t want contract service.”

Customer: “I don’t!”

(At this point I had to excuse myself for a moment and get a manager. He had to have the same conversation, while I rage-smoked two cigarettes.)

Me: “So, what’d you tell him?”

Manager: “That if he wanted free service he’d have to stick with the ‘Obama phone,’ because I don’t know anyone else giving away free cell phones and service!”

New PSA: Instructions Only Work When Followed

, , , , | Right | December 3, 2018

(I use to work as a volunteer for an online gaming community, and would sometimes assist both in-game and at the official game chat room.)

Gamer: “Help! The NPCs aren’t rendering properly. All the characters look like blobs!”

Me: “Okay. This has been happening to some people lately. Delete the files that end in [XYZ] extension and when you restart the game they’ll be recreated.”

Gamer: “Okay!”

(A while later:)

Gamer: “Oh, my god! NOTHING IS WORKING! I deleted all the files and now the game won’t load!”

Me: “…I said to delete the files that ended in [XYZ].”

Gamer: “This is your fault!”

(Sadly this wasn’t the first time a gamer deleted ALL of their files vs. just the ones they were told to delete. But they still felt it was our fault that they couldn’t read instructions properly, so… Eventually, the company that made the game ordered us to stop giving any technical assistance.)

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