The Data Is Gone And So Is Her Restraint

, , , , , | Related | August 14, 2018

(We have an Internet package that gives us a set amount of data per month. It sucks, but it’s the only one available in our rural area. One morning, I realize that the data is already halfway gone, despite it just being the beginning of the month. I wake up my younger sisters:)

Me: “Hey, [Sister #1], [Sister #2], have you been watching videos again?”

Sister #1: “Nope.”

Sister #2: “No, why?”

Me: “Well, the data is already halfway gone.”

([Sister #2] screams angrily, takes out her own laptop, and starts to pull up random apps and network tracers that she downloaded during her little “hacker” phase.)

Sister #2: “I FOUND IT! SOME A**HOLE ACROSS THE STREET IS MOOCHING OUR WI-FI!”

Me: “So, now what?”

Sister #2: *laughs* “I’m going to give them h***.”

(I don’t know what she did, but our Wi-Fi has been running smoother since.)

A Very Family-Friendly Hotel!

, , , , , | Working | August 9, 2018

(I work at a hotel where we take third-party online reservations. Every now and again, reservations will come in that have requests attached, but we can’t always view the whole request, because of miscommunications between the third-party system and the hotel’s system.)

Guest: “We did put in a request for a baby crib, if you have one, but we figured the message didn’t go through.”

(I check, and start laughing.)

Me: *between laughs* “It did… It just got cut off, so it says, ‘Could you please provide us with a baby.’”

(The guest chuckles.)

Guest: “We already have two; we don’t need any more.”

Me: “I will go get you that crib.”

Guest: “Hopefully without a baby in it!”

Didn’t Read The Book On Facebook

, , , , , | Related | August 3, 2018

I broke my phone, so I made a Facebook post letting my friends and family know that I would not be able to use my phone.

My best friend is pregnant, so she left a message telling me she would call my job when she went into labor so that I could get to the hospital. I replied to message me on Facebook first, and then call my job if I didn’t respond.

My grandma commented right under that, “Can I contact you through Facebook?”

…on Facebook.

At One Point Apple Users Were All Sixes And Sevens

, , , , | Right | July 26, 2018

(I work for a company that does tech repairs. One day we get a customer asking if we do phone repairs.)

Customer: “Hi, do you do phone repairs?”

Me: “Yes, we do. What is it?”

Customer: “Oh, it’s a six.”

Me: “Which phone?”

Customer: “Just a normal six.”

(Eventually she clicked and told me it was an iPhone 6.)

I’m A BASIC B****

, , , , , , , , | Learning | July 25, 2018

This is back when we have orange monochrome monitors and 5.25 floppy disks. My science class has this nifty idea to integrate the use of the computer lab into the curriculum.

Basically, we are to create a small, multiple-choice quiz program about the current subject. The code is all in place, and we just have to edit specific sections to add the content. Their mistake is that three or four students share the same floppy, just in a different period. I know enough of the Basic computer language to figure out how the software works. I change the answer responses of the quiz of the kid in the other class. Instead of, “Correct, good job!” and, “Incorrect, try again,” I change it to the middle-school sarcastic, “Way to go…” and a super naughty, “Wrong, you dumb b****!”

Since there are only two to three main suspects who share the disk, they find me out pretty quick. I don’t get in any real trouble. They want to know how I knew how to do that, and if I changed any other files. Since I am a boring, quiet introvert, I pretty much get away without any detention, just a good scare.

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