There was a dentist convention in town. I was working in a Michelin-starred restaurant, and these guys were well-off, so we got a lot of them through the door.

This couple came in looking a little “boisterous” but nothing to raise alarms. Then, they ate for four hours, and they took breaks, which constantly messed up the timing of the kitchen. This included a half-hour “cigarette” break — on phones, making out, [drugs], etc.

After four hours and three bottles of wine, they ordered another bottle of wine. We cut them off, and that’s when it got really fun.

The “gentleman” went to the restroom (to do more drugs again, based on the white stuff dripping out of his nose), and as he returned, he walked by two tables and made a jacking-off motion toward them while making obscene noises, yet still continuing toward his table.

The next thing the couple did was complain (lie) that everything wasn’t good, and even though they’d eaten everything and had been given good service, they refused to pay. We locked and blocked the door because the bill was $1,100. Eventually, we threatened to call the cops, so they paid, left no tip, and laughed their way out the door.

After calling my manager a “sleazeball” and telling him he “should be a used car salesman”, the a**clown dentist gave him a twenty-dollar bill and told him with a smile, “For your service.”

My manager wadded it up, threw it into the back of his head, and then shut and locked the door.

I am working at a call center when I hear some shouting at the entrance to the office. I see my manager running up to a group of firefighters.

Firefighter: “Why are you all still here?! The building is being evacuated!”

I am confused. I haven’t heard any alarms or anything.

Manager: “It’s just a false alarm, right? These things are never real!”

Wait… the manager knew something was up?

Firefighter: “We’re here to assess that threat! Someone called in a bomb threat! Why are you all still here?!”

Manager: “Look, just do what you need to do, and if you find a bomb, then we’ll evacua—”

Firefighter: “Out! Now! Get out, you unbelievable moron!”

The firefighter actually smashes one of his pieces of equipment against the wall, making a huge sound. I apologize to my caller, hang up, and start walking out.

Manager: “Where are you going?”

Me: “Away from the f****** bomb!”

Manager: “If you walk out now, you’ll be—”

Me: “I’ll be alive, you tw*t!”

The rest of the office left, and only then did we realize the whole building had been evacuated twenty minutes earlier! It turned out to be a false alarm, and my manager was all “I told you so,” but then when he tried to get me into trouble, I asked why none of us had heard the evacuation alarm.

It turned out that a small group of managers had found a way to mute the alarm for our floor, which is super illegal. They were not only fired but charged with endangering over thirty workers.

Last I heard, they were all doing prison time, just because they didn’t want the dent in their numbers that would risk their end-of-year bonuses.

This was probably over twenty years ago, but I find myself thinking of this story from time to time even these days because it was so touching to me.

I have always loved Halloween and entertaining and scaring trick-or-treaters at my house. One Halloween when I was in my late twenties, I was eager to get into the business of scaring people. We realized at the last minute that we didn’t have candles for our pumpkins. I reluctantly volunteered to go to the store but didn’t want to miss any time doing my thing at our scary “haunted house” in the front yard.

I drove down to the local [Grocery Chain] and looked up and down the aisles. A girl in a witch costume walked by.

Girl: “Do you know where the pumpkin candles are?”

Me: “I’m in a rush looking for the same thing!”

She looked very kindly at me and gave me a big smile.

Girl: “Let’s work together; you go that way and I’ll check this way.”

We covered the whole store and reported back to one another that we were unable to locate the candles.

Girl: “You check next door at [Store #1], and I’ll check at [Store #2].”

It was becoming a game, and we were both clearly in a hurry to get the candles and get to where we wanted to be. But I also noticed that it was becoming kind of fun.

I checked high and low in [Store #1] and, once again, had no luck. As I walked into [Store #2], I immediately saw my new friend, the witch, in the checkout line buying candles!

Me: “Awesome! Where are they?!”

Girl: “Right here!”

And she handed me a package of candles. I barely had time to thank her, and she left me with another beaming smile.

It’s important to remember how impactful even the smallest act of kindness can be. Wherever you are out there, my cute witch, I still remember our Halloween team effort and your kindness!

I work in a hardware store. I am also trans and transitioning from female to male. Sometimes customers can tell, and sometimes they can’t.

A customer is asking me for advice about some construction methods and has been directed to me since this is my department.

Customer: “Oh… uh… I need to ask a man about this stuff.”

Me: “I can help you, sir. This is my department.”

Customer: *Looking around* “No… can you get me a real man?”

Me: *Staring him dead in the eyes* “I can’t currently see one.”

He got the hint and slunk away like the waste of oxygen he is.

The hallway my college dorm room was in had a large whiteboard posted along one wall. Unsurprisingly, it became a locus for a variety of graffiti. As it filled up, a few hallway residents denoted themselves as the “Keepers of the Board.” They had a notebook where they’d write down anything they deemed interesting or amusing enough and erase the board to make room for further doodling.

One day, my roommate and I came across the Keepers busily at work recording the most recent whiteboard notations. They were discussing a particular graffito and trying to decide whether they felt it was witty enough to merit entry into the annals.

My roommate leaned in and read the item.

Roommate: “There are two secrets to success. Number one: Never tell anyone everything you know.”

After a pause to digest this morsel of wisdom, he asked:

Roommate: “Wait, what’s the other one?”

The Keepers traded an amused look.

Keeper #1: “Quick! Write that down!”

Another one did so, attributing it to my roommate. Then, they dutifully recorded the entire exchange in the notebook before erasing the message from the board.