Sibling Rivalry Doesn’t Even Require Siblings To Be Present

, , , , , | | Friendly | May 18, 2018

(I decide to get my Bachelor’s at the same university that my siblings went to, and I end up at the same on-campus residence. For the most part, this is fine, except for one thing: one of the residents was also at the residence with my older sister, and she keeps assuming that my sister and I like the same things, since we’re related. I keep trying to emphasize that we’re different people, but she never seems to clue in. Then, one night at dinner…)

Resident: “Hey, [My Name]! I’m putting together a volleyball team. Would you like to join?

Me: “No, thanks. I’m not interested in sports. Besides, I have the coordination of a drunk panda.”

Resident: “Really? I thought you’d love volleyball. After all, your sister played on the state team!”

Me: “All right, clearly I need to reintroduce myself.” *I lean over the table to shake her hand* “Hi! My name is [My Name]. I like horses, Doctor Who, reading, and the occasional Dungeons and Dragons campaign. You seem to have me confused with [Sister], the volleyball player, painter, and singer. However, despite the fact that we’re related… and I can’t stress this enough… WE ARE NOT THE SAME PERSON!”

(To [Resident]’s credit, from that point on, she made an effort to learn what I liked, and she got much better about not comparing me to my siblings.)

Ensuring The Next Generation Is Just As Entitled

, , , , , , | Right | January 24, 2018

(I work at an apartment complex and have had this job for a little less than a year. A great deal of my job consists of being b****ed at by entitled parents, residents, or both. I have received a phone call from a mom who is angry because her son cannot move in until the middle of the month. All new students cannot move in until this date, but are required to pay for the full month because their leases are in a lump sum that is divided into equal payments.)

Me: “Ma’am, we cannot let your son move in early because we would still be preparing his room on that day.”

Mom: “No! This is not okay! No one told my son that! We should have the first month prorated because he can’t move in.”

(The lease he signed and the paperwork he initialed reiterate these points before a customer is done. I’m also pretty confident my student staff members reminded the customer of this.)

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t accommodate that. We don’t prorate because his rate would be more expensive each month after if we did that. His lease acts similar to a loan. We loan him the space, and we take payment in 12 equal instalments.”

Mom: “No! That doesn’t make any sense. I want to speak to a manager!”

Me: “I am a manager.”

Mom: “Then not you. Where’s your boss?”

(My boss recently stepped out for lunch.)

Me: “I’m the manager here right now, and I can assure you that you will get the same response from my boss.”

Mom: “I want the corporate number! What is that?!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Let me get that for you.”

(I give her the number.)

Mom: “What is your name? I want that, too!”

(I give her my name.)

Me: “Do you need help with anything else?”

Mom: “No!”

Me: “Okay, well, if you have any other questions, let us know. Have a good—”

Mom: “No! No! No!”

(She hung up on me. Gotta love parents and their entitled children.)

They’re Already A Sore Loser

, , , , , , , | Friendly | December 29, 2017

(This occurs when I am in college. I enter my dorm and I am walking to my room when I pass one of my housemates. Note that I am wearing a t-shirt with the sentence, “How about a nice game of chess?” on it, a reference to the movie “WarGames.”)

Housemate: “Hey, I didn’t know you played chess!”

Me: “What?” *looks down at my shirt* “Oh, no. It’s a movie reference. You ever seen WarGames?”

Housemate: “No.”

Me: “Oh. Well, uh, okay. See ya.”

Housemate: “So, do you want to play chess with me?”

Me: “Nah, I don’t play chess. I’m terrible at it.”

Housemate: *suddenly becomes hostile* “Well, you know, you really shouldn’t be wearing that shirt if you don’t play chess! You’re giving people the wrong idea about you!” *walks into his room and slams the door*

Me: *weakly* “It’s… a movie reference?”

Illustrating The Need For Quiet, Mathematically

, , , , , , , | Learning | November 16, 2017

(I’m in the common area of my dorm, attempting to get some homework done, as there isn’t enough space in my dorm room for this project. A pair of other students apparently have the same idea. Unfortunately, they are working on what appears to be accounting homework, and bickering over a problem, LOUDLY. I’m trying to concentrate on my own work, but they just keep going back and forth, and it’s distracting, as their volume only rises.)

Me: *finally fed up* “Oh, my God. Just… give me the problem you’re working on!”

Student #1: *snootily, after glancing at the large self-portrait I’m working on* “Um, you won’t understand the terms.”

Me: *ignoring the fact that they’ve been bickering so long I already do* “It’s just f****** math. I don’t need the terms; just give me the numbers.”

Student #2: “Um… it’s [figure #1] and [figure #2].”

Me: “Are you f****** kidding me? It’s [answer]. It’s frigging basic division! Now, can I please get back to work in peace?!”

(They both glare at me and flip to the back of their book, then immediately look sheepish.)

Student #1: “It… it is [answer].”

Student #2: *glancing at my homework* “So… Is that an elective, or…?”

Me: “No. I’m an illustration major.”

Student #2: *weakly* “Well, I guess you could always switch to accounting if you wanted.”

(Thankfully, after that, they were much quieter.)

A Decent Blessing Is Nothing To Sneeze At

, , , , | Learning | October 27, 2017

(I am laying in my dorm room in the early afternoon, done with classes for the day. My window faces the front of the building and is almost always open, so I hear strangers passing by quite often.)

Person Outside: *sneezes loudly*

Me: *shouting* “Bless you.”

Person Outside: *shouts back* “Thank you.”

(To make everything even better, my curtains were closed the whole time, so neither of us ever saw the other.)

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