A friend of mine is a firefighter. They are called to a fire in a garage. They arrive, and the owner is outside.

Firefighters: “Are there any dangerous items in the garage?”

Homeowner: “No, nothing dangerous.”

So, the firefighters go inside, open the car, and take it outside to put out the fire.

Shortly after going outside, they hear explosions. They check the tyres. It wasn’t the tyres.

Radio: “GAS! GAS!”

Four gas cylinders were stored at the back of the garage.

Firefighters: “Did you know they were there?”

Homeowner: “Yes, but I didn’t know they were dangerous.”

The firefighters were perplexed.

Homeowner: “Well, we put them under the barbecue. It’s fireproof, isn’t it?”

They explained to him the difference in temperature between a barbecue fire and a garage being on fire.

A coworker working at the drive-thru window at our fast food place passes out. Our manager, who was awesome, calls an ambulance and shuts the place down. Normally, the manager would call 911 and then just try to keep the place working around the downed coworker (I’ve seen it happen), so that was refreshing.

What wasn’t refreshing was the customer who was at the window when my coworker collapsed.

Customer: “What happened? Where did she go? I want my food!”

Manager: “Ma’am, my employee has passed out. Please pull out front, and we will get to you when we can.”

Customer: “No, I’m in a rush! I want my food now! That’s why I came through the drive-through!”

Manager: “Ma’am, I will not be dealing with you right now. An ambulance is on the way, and we will be focusing on directing them to where they are needed. Please pull around, and we will get to you when the emergency is over if you’d like to wait.”

My manager closes the window and puts his focus on the downed coworker. Another coworker, who had been assigned to stand outside and wave in the ambulance, walks in.

Outdoor Coworker: “Uhm…”

Manager: “Is the ambulance here already?”

Outdoor Coworker: “No. That woman from before, she’s… kinda blocking the entrance to the parking lot.”

Manager: “What?!”

My manager runs outside to see that the woman has parked her car sideways along our parking lot entrance, the only way in or out for any vehicle onto our lot.

Customer: *Shouting from her car.* “You told me to pull around to the front, well, how’s this for front, motherf***er! No ambulance is getting past me until I get my chicken nuggets!”

All of us just pause for a moment. We’ve all been working here a while, so we’ve seen our fair share of customer entitlement, but this… this is on another level.

Manager: *To me.* “Call 911, and tell them to send a police car along with that ambulance.”

The cops came just before the ambulance and arrested her for trespassing and disrupting a medical emergency.

Apparently, she decided to call corporate to complain about the poor service after all that. Corporate said something along the lines of “Ma’am, an employee passed out. We are not giving you free anything.” 

I honestly don’t know how she wasn’t calling from prison.

I am taking calls on the gas emergency line. Because natural gas is, you know, explosive, we have very strict protocols when it comes to people reporting gas odors. It’s our top priority call.

I’m on a gas emergency call and asking some basic questions.

Me: “Okay, so is the gas odor coming from a specific appliance? Like a stove or your boiler?”

Customer: “Oh, let me check the basement!”

Me: “No! Don’t actually go…”

I hear the sound of the door opening and footsteps on the stairs.

Customer: “Have to put on the lights, it’s too dark.”

Me: “NO! Just… Just go back up the stairs!”

I then launch into the safety script and advise her to get out of the house until our technicians get there. 

I think she understands, send the order out, and hang up.

Natural selection, meet natural gas.

In the era before cell phones, my college had one system for getting a message out fast: an incredibly loud PA system with all the audio fidelity of two cans and a piece of string.

Lab Manager: “We’re going to have a surprise emergency drill tomorrow.”

Grad Student #1: “That’s not much of a surprise, is it?”

Lab Manager: “Well, no, but they told the lab staff so we could make sure we didn’t have anything too dangerous or expensive going on. So tomorrow, we’re going to work on [completely safe project] instead of [less safe project]. And they’re going to set the fire alarms off, and then we’ll get evacuation instructions over the PA.”

The next day, all of us grad students are working on our safety project, nervously staring up at the fire alarms. Sure enough, right before noon…

Fire Alarms: “WHOOP WHOOP!”

Me: “Okay, so do we run?”

Grad Student #1: “No, I think [Manager] said we wait for instructions over the PA. I guess they’re going to tell us where to go.”

We wait for about thirty seconds, which feels VERY long while the alarm is going off. Finally…

PA: “Gabo! Thazzy nog roll! Gumow! Sizno jull!”

Grad Student #2: “Well, I certainly feel like we’re in safe hands.”

Me: “I guess I’ll just go downstairs and tell whoever is trying to use the PA we can’t understand him.”

I jog downstairs. Undergrads are rushing around with a lot more care than they usually give a drill. I chalk it up to this being a surprise until I get to the ground floor, and…

Campus Staff: *Screaming into PA.* “Get out! This is not a drill! Get out! This is not a drill!”

I have never run up three flights of stairs so fast. The next day, we all had a meeting and quickly decided that the default option was ‘if in doubt, get out.’

My mother was in a very serious car accident when I was a teen. An old couple was on vacation and weren’t paying attention, drifted into my mother’s lane, and nailed her head on. 

They had a four-ton mega-vehicle, whereas my mom was driving a Toyota Tercel (a subcompact car). The other driver had a nosebleed, and his wife was fine. Meanwhile, paramedics needed to cut my mom out of the car with the jaws of life.

Other Driver: *To the paramedics.* “Excuse me!”

Paramedic: “Sir, please wait. We’ve established your injuries are not life-threatening, and we need to cut this woman out of her car.”

Other Driver’s Wife: “We’ve lost our camera.”

Paramedic: *Focusing on cutting my mom out of the car along with his team.*

Other Driver’s Wife: “Excuse me! I said we’ve lost our camera!”

Paramedic: “Ma’am, that is not a priority!”

Other Driver’s Wife: “Well, it is, because it has all our vacation photos on it!”

Paramedic: *Going back to focusing on my mom.*

Other Driver’s Wife: “I said, excuse me—”

Paramedic: “Ma’am! Go away! Cutting a woman out of a car and getting her stabilized for the ambulance ride is more important than your vacation photos! Just be glad you don’t have any serious injuries!”

Other Driver’s Wife: “How rude! What do we pay our taxes for if the emergency services don’t provide a service?”

My mom is a little hazy on the details, but she recalls there being some firemen there at the time (they’re the ones that had the equipment to cut her out of the car), and one of the firemen turned to this woman and said:

Fireman: “Ma’am, do you have a concussion?”

Other Driver’s Wife: “What? No?”

Fireman: *Holds up a heavy piece of equipment.* “Want one?”

She backed off and tried to get her husband to defend her honor, but he saw sense and must have told her to calm down, as they stayed away for the rest of the time it took to get my mom into the ambulance.

She was fine, by the way. The car was a wreck, but she managed to escape with just scrapes and bruises.