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He’s Got Much Bigger Disconnection Issues

, , | Romantic | May 23, 2022

While working in a call center for a large television provider, I got this call.

Customer: “Hi. My name is [Customer], and I want to know why my TV isn’t working.”

I took his information and reviewed his account.

Me: “Sir, I show your status as disconnected.”

Customer: “I didn’t ask to have my service disconnected!”

I dug a little deeper into the notes my coworker had left on this account the day before and, reading the notes out loud, discovered that the man’s wife had called to shut off the service because she was starting the process of divorce.

I have never heard a man’s heart break before then or since. I have also learned to process what I am reading before I speak so I can be more tactful in how I deliver such information.

Maybe She Really Needed The Restroom?

, , , , , , , | Working | May 20, 2022

I receive a text to inform me I’ve got an updated debit card on the way. I had thought all my cards were up to date, so I call the bank to make sure everything is okay.

I’ve got a two-word surname; imagine my name is Claire Jones Smith, where “Jones Smith” is my surname — two words, not hyphenated.

This is slightly annoying, as some computer systems shove the “Jones” to the middle name field, leaving my surname, according to some companies, as just “Smith”.

I’m used to this, and I understand it’s not the fault of the representative if they can’t find me on the first try. This lady, on the other hand…

Me: “Hi. I got a text about a replacement debit card. I wanted to know what account it was for.”

Representative: “Okay, no problem. What’s your name?”

Me: “Claire Jones Smith.”

Representative: “Date of birth?”

Me: “[Birthdate].”

Representative: “Huh, not finding anything. So, that’s—”

She spells out my name phonetically.

Me: “Yes, but if you can’t find it under Jones Smith, try just Smith as sometimes Jones is pushed to the middle name field.”

Representative: “I’m not finding it under Jones Smith. I won’t be able to continue this call.”

Me: “Again, try just Smith, and—”

Representative: “You’re going to have to go to the branch and fix it.”

Me: “I already have. I’ve verified my ID with them. Now, if you just search Smith—”

Representative: “You’re going to have to go to the branch. I can’t fix it from here.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s okay, I just wanted to know about this text—”

Representative: “You’re going to have to go to the branch.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m not worried about the name. I just want to find out—”

Representative: “I can’t continue this call.”

Me: “Okay, yeah. Can I have a manager?”

Representative: “I can’t continue this call.”

Me: “Manager.”

Representative: “You’re going to have to go to the branch.”

Me: “Manager!”

And then she hung up on me.

I called in again, talked to a manager, and explained the situation. He went off, listened to the call, and very, very apologetically said something like, “I don’t know what her problem was. I found you in the system right away.”

They Made A Grave Mistake

, , | Right | May 18, 2022

I work for a mobile phone company in inbound customer service. One night, a customer calls about having his SIM card cancelled. In case of theft, we always waive the fees for ordering a new one.

Me: “Good evening, you are speaking to [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I would like to cancel my card and order a new one.”

After properly identifying him:

Me: “And what’s the reason you need a new one?”

Caller: “It’s buried.”

Pause. 

Me: “What exactly do you mean by ‘buried’? By your dog?”

Caller: “Yeah… no. You see, I am a gravedigger. After closing the last grave, I noticed my phone was missing.”

Cue me biting my lips and trying to stay as professional as possible. I failed.

I Can’t Believe It’s About Butter

, , , , , , | Right | May 18, 2022

I work for a multinational company that has a hand in home appliance insurance. We sell repair plans to people who need their fridge, freezer, or washing machine fixed, or people who want to insure their new TV, etc. Our call volume is through the roof at the time of the first lockdown, so we prioritise our customers who need appliances repaired for such things as storing medical equipment.

Today is a hectic day. I get a call from a rather irate but well-spoken lady. 

Customer: “I’ve been trying to get in touch with you all morning. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Can you help?!”

Me: *Bracing myself* “I’ll try my best.”

Customer: “I went to [High-End Supermarket] and purchased their spreadable butter but… and it… it just… it just won’t spread. I’ve ripped holes in all my sandwiches! Tell me, which shelf should I be putting my butter on in my fridge? Is there a specific shelf?”

It’s worth mentioning before I give you my reply that the call before this was from an elderly chap whose washing machine broke down and needed repairing as they needed bedding regularly due to a medical condition. The call before that was from an upset mother whose fridge freezer had broken down and contained her young daughter’s insulin.

This lady not only called to ask for something that could be found on Google in ten seconds, but she had to have lied on the automated options to get through to the priority line, taking the place of someone who actually needed help.

Me: “Did you really call to ask which shelf to put your butter on? I would refer back to the manufacturer of the butter for their guidance or better still, the manufacturer of your fridge freezer. Stay safe and goodbye.” *Click*

Vendor Bender

, , , , | Right | May 17, 2022

I am working at a call center for a website that sells tours and trips around the world.

Customer: “Hi. I booked a trip on your website and had a question.”

The customer proceeds to ask a detailed question about the trip he booked.

Me: “Okay, what you’ll need to do is call the tour vendor for that information. We provided the phone number for you on your voucher.”

Customer: “Why can’t you tell me yourself?”

Me: “The nature of our business is selling events and trips for tour vendors through our portals. If you need specific information about the trip you booked, you’ll need to speak with the vendor and they’ll be happy to provide you with all the information you need. Again, the number is on your voucher.”

Customer: “I asked you!

Me: “Sir, there are over 30,000 different trips, tours, and events listed on our website—”

Customer: “Then what’s your job?”

Me: “I’m here to assist you if you have a problem with the booking itself, such as if you need to reschedule or cancel, if you have a complaint about the tour, you were injured—”

Customer: “Yeah, you’re really fast to take my money, but slow to help me when I need it!”

Me: “You are asking the wrong person. You will need to call the tour vendor. The phone number for the tour vendor is on your voucher. If you don’t have it in front of you, I can give you the number if you have something to write with.”

Customer: “You just don’t want to help me!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t give you information I don’t have. Did you need to—”

Customer: “I’m done talking to you. You’re fast to take my money but slow to help. You’re nothing but lazy and useless, and let me tell you something else—”

Me: *Hangs up*

Ten seconds later…

Me: “[Greeting].”

Customer:Why did you hang up on me?!

Me: “You said you were done talking. If you need the tour vendor’s number—”

Customer: “I’m the customer here! I hang up first!”

Me: “Did you have any other questions?”

Customer: “No. You wanna waste my time, I’ll waste your time.”

Me: “Not at this business.” *Hangs up*