Technically Speaking, You’re A Jerk

, , , , , , | Right | January 12, 2018

(I work for a cable company in their Internet repair team. When your Internet breaks, I’m the one you call. This customer in particular claims she has called six times in the past week; reading through the memos on her account, it has only been three times. Regardless, she starts the call with an attitude.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *obviously elderly* “What is your name, your employee ID, and where are you located?”

Me: “I’m [My Name], located in Louisville, Kentucky, and my ID is [ID number].”

Customer: “Well, I don’t even know what you think you can do. My Internet is down again, and I just had four technicians out this week!” *she has not*

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am, but I’d be very happy to assist you in getting your Internet back up and running.”

Customer: “Well, I doubt you can, but my information is [Name, Address, security code, and phone number].”

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. I’ll be happy to look this up.”

(I pause while I look through her information. I realize that when she was given a new modem the tech didn’t put it in the system that makes it work.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, I see the issue here; it seems that your technician didn’t—”

Customer: “MY TECHNICIAN DID EVERYTHING HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO! I WATCHED IT WITH MY OWN EYES!”

Me: *holding headset off of my ears* “Ma’am, maybe it was a mistake—”

Customer: “THERE IS NO MISTAKE! I KNOW THE TECHNICIANS AROUND HERE! THEY WOULD NEVER MAKE A MISTAKE!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s possible that he didn’t—”

Customer: *continues ranting about how she knows all about everything Internet*

Me: “Ma’am, I have told you quite a few times now exactly what I am seeing in front of me—”

(The customer interrupts me again, ranting and raving about how she knows everything about my job. I have given up at this point and just proceed to fix the problem without trying to explain what is wrong anymore.)

Me: “Ma’am, can you restart your computer for me, please?”

Customer: *shuts up finally* “Okay, it’s restarting.”

Me: *waits for her computer to come back up* “Okay. Can you open your browser, please?”

Customer: “Oh, look! I have Internet connection! How did you do that?”

Me: “Ma’am, that provisioning issue I tried to tell you about? I fixed it, and now you’re connected. If you have no further questions for me, thank you for calling [Cable Company]. Please remain on the line for a brief survey.”

(I have never been happier to hang up and go to break, which she also made me 15 minutes late for.)

It’s A Bad Sign(In)

, , , | Right | January 11, 2018

(My coworker and I work in a call center for technical support. He receives this call.)

Client: “Hi, how do I get to [exact web address]?”

Coworker: “Uh… You type in ‘[exact web address]’ and hit enter.”

Client: “Whoa, whoa, that’s way too fast! Could you read that off slower?”

Coworker: *sighs and reads much more slowly* “[Exact web address].”

Client: “Thanks a bunch!” *click*

Coworker: *to me* “Watch: he’s going to call back in three minutes because he can’t sign in.”

(Lo and behold, three minutes later, I get a caller:)

Client: “Hi, I just spoke with [Coworker], who helped me get to [exact web address], but I can’t seem to get signed in.”

Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 9

, , , , , | Working | January 9, 2018

(My husband is rear-ended by a young man who isn’t paying attention. No one is hurt but there is some damage to the new truck my husband drives, around $9,000. I start calling the very well-known national car insurance company of the person who hit us. They tell us they will get right on it. A week goes by and I hear nothing so I call them. I am told they are working on it but haven’t talked to their client that hit us, and they need to in order to get the claim going. Another week goes by and nothing. I call back and am told once again they can’t get a hold of their client. The police report actually has the man’s insurance agent on it. I call and they can’t believe that our damages haven’t been taken care of, but they can’t get a hold of the person who hit us. We go through this game for a full month. At this point I lose my temper and have quite an attitude; honestly, I am a bit rude. I call the customer service line. I get a very nice and understanding customer service representative who repeats the same thing to me.)

Me: “Okay, first, is this being recorded?”

Agent: “Ummm, yes.”

Me: “Good. I want to make sure. Now, first, I want to thank you for being so friendly and professional. I want to make sure you and your company know that I have not been mistreated in any way, and I apologize to you because I know you just work there. Now, I have had it. Your company does not need to talk to your client. You have a copy of the police report. He rear-ended us. The policy was in effect, according to your own records at the time of the accident. Period. I feel I have been more than fair in my treatment of you. You have had ample opportunity to take care of this. So, today is Friday. You have until Monday at 4:45 pm to make arrangements to repair our truck. Do not bother calling at 4:46, because at that time I will be calling an attorney. One of those on TV. I don’t have the money for an attorney, but I bet they can get that, too. Also, my husband is having some back pain, so I think we will also be seeing a doctor. Do I make myself clear? By 4:45 on Monday. Not a minute later.”

(At that point I demanded a supervisor, and after telling him that I appreciated the professionalism and friendliness of the representatives, I repeated the whole thing I said earlier and hung up. Three hours later, a rental car company called me saying they had my rental car ready. I asked, “What car?” They told me the insurance company had set it up for us to drive while the truck was being repaired. Amazing how quickly they got everything done.)

Too Busy For An Active Lifestyle

, , , | Healthy | January 5, 2018

(I work at a call center for medical insurance.)

Me: “Do you have income from work?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “In the next 12 months do you expect any income changes?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Did you leave a job in the last 30 days?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “How do you support your household?”

Customer: “Family supports me.”

Me: “Do you go to school?”

Customer: “No, I don’t have time for that.”

(Talk about motivation.)

Writing You A Blanco Check To Stay

, , , , , | Working | January 3, 2018

(I’m the only office administrator at my job who is fluent in Spanish. Despite this, my boss has been underpaying me, and all of his other workers that aren’t his family. I’ve just handed in my two weeks, as I’ve found a job that pays almost twice as much for almost the exact same job.)

Boss: “You can’t quit! What about our customers?”

Me: *shrugs* “You can find and hire someone else in that time, I’m sure.”

Boss: “Not someone white!”

(Suddenly my two weeks turned into now.)

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