Could Be A Haunting Number Of Reasons

, , | Right | November 16, 2017

(I work in technical support. A customer has called in about a motion detector that has gone off in his home.)

Me: “Was anyone in the home at time of the alarm?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay. Was there anything moving around? Sometimes balloons or other similar things can set off the device.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Well, did the heater activate at that time? Sometimes sudden changes in temperature can cause it to go off.”

Customer: “I see; it must have been my mother.”

Me: “Oh, so, there was someone in the house?”

Customer: “No. My mother is deceased.”

Me: “Oh.”

(Awkward pause.)

Me: “Ohhhhhh.”

(Awkward pause.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can assist you with today?”

Taxing Faxing, Part 21

, , , , , | Working | November 9, 2017

(I work as a customer service representative answering for a government assistance program. In the last six months, I’ve dealt with some very interesting people.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. My name is [My Name]. May I have your social and name?”

Client: “Yeah, no need. I just need a fax number.”

Me: “Not a problem, sir. The fax number is [number].”

Client: “Well, I hope this works. And I need you to tell my caseworker I’ll need them to send my papers back to me when they’ve finished with them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

Client: “Are you stupid? I said I’ll need them back. It’s already going to cost me $5 to send them over, but I still need them for my records, and I’ll be d***ed if you’re going to keep my social security card!”

Me: “Sir, I do apologize, but you just informed me that you will be faxing these documents over. We only receive copies of what you’re sending, not the originals. The originals stay with you.”

Client: “Young lady, I don’t know how old you are, but I can tell you right now, I’ve been alive for 45 years, and I know how a d*** fax works! Send them a message now!” *click*

(Not only did I start laughing at his ignorance, I also felt bad for the next person who would need to deal with him. He didn’t provide me any information, therefore his account was never accessed, and his worker could not be notified of this. Sure enough, two days later he called in wanting to know why he had to stand there for so long waiting for his papers to be faxed back.)

Unfiltered Story #99575

, | Unfiltered | November 6, 2017

I work in a call center for a large company, handling specific cases, so the clients who call in are usually only mine. I get an incoming call from someone I last spoke to several weeks earlier.

Me: [Company], this is [My Name]

*pause*

Client: Hello?

Me: Hello?

Client: Who is this?

Me: [My Name], with [Company].

Client: Who?

Me: [Company?]

Client: No, who are YOU?

Me: [My Name]. I’m [position] at [company].

Client: This is a business?

Me: Yes, this is [company].

Client: Are you a telemarketer?

Me: No, I only work with existing clients for [Company], or people who have expressed an interest. I don’t cold-call, and I’m not selling anything.

Client: Who are you?

Me: … Ma’am, you called me.

Client: Oh. Wrong number. *hangs up*

Got A Bad Feeling Right In The Colon

, , , , | Right | November 3, 2017

Customer: “How do I sign up for [service]?”

Me: “You came through to the wrong department, but I’ll be happy to direct you. You have two options: the most convenient is to sign up right on the website, but I can also transfer you to the correct department. Are you good with computers?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Fantastic. Let me give you the address of our website. It’s ‘http–’”

Customer: “Wait. You’re going too fast.”

Me: “It’s ‘H’ as in ‘Hotel,’ ‘T’ as in ‘Thomas’—”

Customer: “No! You mean ‘T’ like ‘telephone.”’”

Me: “Yes, ‘T’ like ‘telephone.’ Then, another ‘T’ like ‘telephone,’ ‘P’ like ‘Peter’—”

Customer: “What? You mean ‘P’ like ‘pineapple?’”

Me: “Yes, ‘P’ as in ‘pineapple.’ So, http, colon—”

Customer: “What is that?”

Me: “Two dots, one above the other.”

Customer: “All right.”

Me: “After the two dots, there’s two slashes.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “Let me just transfer you to the correct department; they’ll be happy to sign you up for [service].”

Unfiltered Story #99190

, | Unfiltered | November 1, 2017

(I work in a call centre answering travel claim queries. For ease, it is quite common for customers to have had the treating doctor submit their claim, especially for the particular client as their customers are often of retirement age.)

Me: *general opening how can I help you spiel* 

Customer: “I’ve received a letter but I’ve not been ill and I’ve not made a claim.”

Me: “Okay, well let me take your reference and look that up.”

(Some time later in the call after the customer has given me the info.)

Me: “So I see here you saw the doctor and there was a mention of chest pain they have billed us for [treatments for X amount] so we wrote to you to see if you had expenses.”

Customer: “No, no, that’s all wrong. I’ve paid it all.”

Me: “Okay, I’m sorry, it’s just the clinic—”

Customer: *cutting me off* “No, no, I didn’t go to a Doctor.”

Me: “Okay… so nothing happened then?”

Customer: “Well I fell over a lounger, and the doctor came to me, no clinic.”
(I feel slightly more relaxed about this now, sometimes we do get completely fraudulent claims from clinics. This customer did have a doctor visit though and it’s billed to the clinic. I take some time to explain how this process works including how the clinic might bill for time, and ask the customer how their chest is feeling now.)

Customer: “It wasn’t anything to do with my chest! it was my ribs. You obviously haven’t got a clue about this. I haven’t made a claim.”

(It took another 20-minutes to explain that your ribs are in fact part of your chest and that a minor language barrier understandably lead to this description. The real kicker is that she wanted me to call her back after her hospital appointment due to residual pain in her chest.)

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