You Make Me Put On Wait

, , , , , | Right | March 25, 2019

(A woman is calling to check on the status of her order. She has given me her name and company.)

Me: “Do you have your order number with you today?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: *after leaving a short pause so I won’t talk over her if she starts giving the number right away* “And what is your order number?”

Caller: *no reply*

Me: “Ma’am?”

Caller: *no reply*

Me: “Are you still there, [Caller]?”

Caller: “I’m still here.”

Me: “May I have the order number, please, ma’am?”

Caller: “Oh, I thought you were waiting for something.”

Really Married To That Deception

, , , , | Right | March 25, 2019

(This is a story I overheard at work, where I sit right next to the people who answer the phones regarding questions about the website and insurance policies. Sometimes you hear some great stories when they recount to each other what just happened in their headset. Please note that some insurance policy questions can be answered with basic information like your policy number while other questions require permission from the policyholder for my coworkers to speak with anyone else.)

Coworker: “Hello, thank you for calling [Insurance Company]. How may I help you?”

Caller: *obviously a woman talking in a low voice to sound like a man* “Yes, hello. I am calling about my insurance policy. I am going to hand the phone over to my wife now, so please talk to her. She’s coming over right now.”

Coworker: “…Okay?”

(There are a bunch of noises like someone rubbing the phone on their clothes or otherwise make ruffling noises. Then there are some footsteps that just sound like someone stomping in place before the caller speaks again.)

Caller: *in a super girly voice* “Hello?”

(Apparently didn’t have any questions that required permission from the husband, so my coworker never got to call her out on it and the rest of the call went normally. I wonder if she hung up feeling really good about fooling us.)

So Incompetent You Could Just Die!

, , , , | Working | March 22, 2019

(I live with my grandmother as she has problems moving around. Since I moved in with her, I have added Internet access on top of her normal cable box. However, I have noticed that the Internet randomly drops connection and stays disconnected for a few minutes. I call up the Internet company and notice that it is under my grandfather’s name first. He passed away ten years ago.)

Internet Rep: “Am I speaking to [Grandfather]?”

Me: “No, I’m his grandson. He passed away ten years ago. I can put my grandmother on the line as she is also on the account.”

Internet Rep: “I’m sorry, but unless he talks to me I can’t continue this conversation. He is the name on the account.”

Me: “I don’t understand; she is also on the account, so she can help out.”

Internet Rep: “He is on the account. I can’t continue unless he talks with me.”

(I decide to try something stupid and tell him to hold on.)

Me: *with the same voice* “Hello, this is [Grandfather].”

Internet Rep: “Ah, thank you. Now we can begin your fix. What is the problem?”

(I couldn’t believe that worked. In fact, I just found it easier to say I’m my grandfather when talking with the companies. I asked how to remove his name from the account during another conversation, but I needed a four certified copies of his death certificate!)

Wish You Could Block Out Certain Words

, , , , | Right | March 20, 2019

(I work as a customer service rep for a call center; I help with cell phones. A customer calls in to request a block be placed on a number that was calling her. After getting all of the prerequisite information:)

Customer: “You see, I need to put a block on a number that keeps calling me all hours of the night.”

Me: “I can understand that, ma’am. I’d be more than happy to apply that block to your line so you don’t have to deal with this anym—“

Customer: “Yeah, he told me he wanted to suck my a**. I’m just not into all of that kind of stuff.”

(I laughed so hard that I had to hand the call off to my floor supervisor. I never found out if she got that number blocked, but she DID tell every person she talked to that some creep wanted to do lewd things to her, and described those things in detail.)

Samir And Amil Are Still Good Scottish Names

, , , | Right | March 18, 2019

(I am assisting a customer in purchasing a new phone contract with us. She has agreed to an upfront payment of £100 to reduce the monthly costs.)

Me: “Will you be using debit or credit card?”

Customer: “Credit.”

Me: “Okay, then I must warn you that there will be an additional charge of £2.50. Are you happy to continue?

Customer: “What compensation will you give me?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “For overcharging me?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I wasn’t clear enough. The additional charge is issued by the bank for the transfer of money. It is out of our control.”

Customer: “So, how much are you going to give me in compensation?”

Me: “Well, nothing. The charge isn’t issued by us; you are still only paying us £100. The £2.50 is for the bank transfer.”

Customer: “Let me get this straight. You are overcharging me for something you are selling me, and I am getting nothing back?”

Me: “We are not overcharging you. This additional cost has absolutely nothing to do with us, and is because you having chosen to use a credit card. You are free to use a debit card, however, at no additional cost.”

Customer: “So, I’ll get something back for using my debit card?”

Me: “No, you would still need to pay the £100. You just won’t incur an additional charge.”

Customer: “So, I’ll get that £2.50 back?”

Me: *realising she will never understand* “Yes, you will.”

(She happily chose debit, but it was declined. She got extremely irate, screamed at me in German, and hung up. She called back and tried to make a complaint. She claimed I was Samir from Honduras — I’m Daniel from Scotland — and said that I had stolen all the money out of her bank account. She was moved on to Fraud/Loss Prevention, where she then claimed I was Amil and had tried to sell her a knockoff phone. The story got increasingly more convoluted until she got so flustered she just hung up.)

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