Drive You To Have Fun

, , , , , | | Romantic | May 23, 2018

(I’ve had a rough couple of months, splitting up with my abusive partner, changing stores for work, and moving to a new place. I have scraped together basic furniture but have no luxuries like a washing machine, TV, or stereo. I also regularly walk 35 minutes to work, then wait 45 minutes in the dark to catch the last bus home. My closest friends and family all live in another state, about a 10-hour drive away. This year my birthday falls on a long weekend. My best friend rings me early on the Friday morning.)

Best Friend: “Hey, how are you? Sorry if I woke you.”

Me: “No, that’s okay. I’ve got to see if the laundromat is open today, anyway. I’m okay. How are you?”

Best Friend: “I’m good. Since I got a bonus at work, [Housemate], [Close Friend], [Other Close Friend], and I are on a road trip down the coast. Just thought I’d check in on you.”

Me: “Oh, that’s sweet. I hope you guys have a good time. Say hi to everyone.”

Best Friend: “Will do. Any plans for your birthday?”

Me: “Nope. Just some housework.”

(We chatted for a few minutes before hanging up. A few minutes later, there was a knock at my door. I opened it to find my friends. My best friend had bought me a good secondhand car with six months rego on it, a new washing machine and dryer, TV, and stereo, among other little things. My friends then hired a trailer, packed up the car, and made the long trip to surprise me for my birthday. They had booked a nice motel, took me shopping for new clothes, out for dinner on my birthday and sightseeing around the city, before flying home on Sunday, without me spending a cent. My best friend had spent pretty much all of the money from his bonus on the car and other things for my flat, while my other friends had pooled their money and paid for their flights, the motel, and shopping. I will be ever grateful for their love and support.)

Sued To Satisfaction

, , , | | Right | May 22, 2018

(I’m next in line at the cash register when a middle-aged woman shoves me out the way.)

Woman: “Last week that dress was only 80€. Now I come back today and it’s 110€.”

Cashier: *to me* “I’m sorry.” *to the woman* “Yes, we had a promotion last week for that brand but it has already ended.”

Woman: “NO! This is false advertising! Give it to me for 80€!”

Cashier: “The promotion has ended. That has nothing to do with false advertising.”

Woman: “GIVE IT TO ME FOR 80€ OR I’LL SUE THE H*** OUT OF YOU!”

Cashier: “I’m just going to call a manager. One second, please.”

(The annoying woman now looks incredibly smug as she apparently — as do I — expects them to cave in. After a minute a manager comes over and the cashier relays the story to him.)

Manager: “I see.” *fumbles around his pockets and hands the woman a piece of paper* “That’s the card of our lawyer. As you threatened to sue us, our employees are, as per policy, no longer allowed to talk to you. For further communications please contact the number on the card. Thank you and have a nice day.”

(The manager walks away and the cashier motions to me to step forward and starts scanning my purchase.)

Cashier: *ignoring the woman* “Do you have a loyalty card?”

Woman: “You can’t be serious. I’d still would’ve bought it!”

Me: *also ignoring her, to cashier* “No, thank you.”

Cashier: “Do you need a bag for 5¢?”

Woman: “Don’t you know how much I buy here?! Sell it to me for 110€ or I’ll take my business elsewhere!”

Me: *grinning uncontrollably, to cashier* “No, but thank you.”

Cashier: “All right. Have a nice day.”

Woman: “WHY IS EVERYONE IGNORING ME?! HELLO? I WANT THAT DRESS NOW!”

Me: “Thank you, I’m having a great day already.”

(Best. Policy. Ever.)

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When Meeting Is Fleeting

, , , , , | | Working | May 20, 2018

(I am due to meet with my boss at 4:00 pm one Friday afternoon for our monthly one-on-one catch-up meeting. At 2:45 pm I get a call from him about said meeting. I think he might have had something come up and is cancelling on me; this has happened many times before. Instead, he comes out with this gem:)

Boss: “So, I really can’t be bothered working any more today. You want to get out of here early and go get a beer with me, instead?”

(Of course, I immediately agreed. Best meeting ever!)

Flagged Down The Right Guy

, , , , , | Friendly | May 16, 2018

(I am volunteering at a major international sporting event as a venue host, so I answer customer’s questions, show them to their seats, etc. All the flags of the participating nations in this particular event are hanging from the ceiling of the venue. I am also a huge geography nerd.)

Customer: “Excuse me; do you which country has that white and maroon flag?”

Me: “That is Latvia.”

Customer: “Oh. What about that red, green, and white one?”

Me: “That’s Belarus.”

Customer: “Did you guys have to memorize all this stuff?”

Me: “No, sir, you just happened to ask the right person about this stuff.”

It’s Good On Paper

, , , , , , , | Hopeless | May 13, 2018

My brother had just finished soccer practice in his senior year and decided to drive his friend home. On the way to her house, a distracted driver ended up rear-ending the two of them into an intersection, where the passenger side was hit by a van going 50 miles per hour. My brother broke four ribs in the crash and managed to roll out of the car. He stood up and tried to make his way back to help his friend, puncturing a lung in the process. Eventually, a bystander managed to restrain my brother so he wouldn’t be injured further. The girl was taken into intensive care, and we didn’t know what was happening with her for a long time.

I was in the same high school as my brother, and I was allowed to take a week off to stay with him in recovery. He was incredibly worried about his friend, and he was starting to get depressed. That’s around the time people started coming to see him. Throughout his stay he had nearly the entire school visit him, both students and staff. The nurses actually had to start getting involved to make sure not too many people were in the waiting room at a time. Each and every person brought him an origami swan.

We learned that the day after the accident the entire school shut down all its activities. Instead, everyone was taught how to make origami swans, which signify health and quick healing. Everyone spent the entire day folding them for my brother and his friend. My brother received over 3,000 swans. When he was finally released and he went back to school for the first time, we found the entire school covered in swans. They were hanging from the ceiling in nearly every room. One of his friends even managed to make a seven-foot tall swan that the school kept in the cafeteria.

My brother and his friend miraculously recovered. Even the doctors were baffled that there was no permanent damage to either of them. My school had those swans hanging in the hallways until the day it shut down. It might be silly to think little pieces of paper could make a difference in a life-or-death situation, but I can’t help but be thankful for each and every one of them.

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