Checked Out A Long Time Ago

, , , , , | Right | April 26, 2018

(I’m a librarian, working at a college library’s reference desk. This happens in 2008.)

Patron: “Where’d the lending library go?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Patron: “You used to have a lending library: a cart with books to take and read on the honor system.”

Me: “That sounds like our entire library.”

Patron: “No, you could take a book without checking it out, then bring it back later. Where’s the cart? Did you move it?”

Me: “I’ve been here for two years, and I don’t think we’ve had anything like that in my time here. When did you last use it?”

Patron: “1987.”

Can’t Even Get Past Level One

, , , , , | Working | March 19, 2018

(I work in the video game industry. My coworkers and I are attending a large, well-known entertainment expo that has been opened to the public for the first time this year. While other people we’ve talked to have griped about this, largely I haven’t noticed a difference apart from trying to get through more crowds to my meetings. That changes when I sit down in the food court around lunch time and get approached by a guy wearing a green general public admission badge. My badge is blue, indicating I’m part of the industry.)

Guy: “Hey, can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Oh, um, sure.”

Guy: “How do I get a job like yours?”

Me: “You want to be a producer?”

Guy: “Well, or whatever. I’m just really passionate about video games and I knew this would be my big chance.”

(At this point, I am several days into the event, I’m exhausted from work and running from meeting to meeting, and I just want to have a quiet lunch, but I also want to be polite and supportive.)

Me: “Well… I mean, first you should probably figure out exactly what you want to do, and then research what that job typically entails so you can see what skills you might be missing and plan how to fill in those gaps. You can fi—”

Guy: *impatiently* “Give me your email. I’ll send you my resume.”

Me: *taken aback* “Well, we’re not looking to hire right now, but if you want to g—”

Guy: *slamming his palms angrily on the table, causing other people to turn around* “Then send it around to other companies! Help me get in the door! Pay it forward!”

Me: “Look, if you want to get a job in the industry, you sh—”

Guy: “Oh, my God.” *rolling his eyes* “Do me a solid or shut up, lady!” *spins around and storms off* “Elitist f***!”

(I’m more confused than anything else. I make eye contact with a table full of other industry folks sitting across from me, looking equally dumbfounded.)

Industry Guy: “Lesson one to get a job in video games… or any job, really. Don’t be that guy!”

Unfiltered Story #107367

, , | Unfiltered | March 16, 2018

(It was May 4th, Star Wars Day when this took place. I’m in a group boot camp with my trainer. He has been my trainer for some years, and we are both in our late 20s. He and all the boot camp members know I’m a nerd and be sarcastic to the trainer. We were doing our after-workout stretch as our cool down, and this gem presented itself. )

Boot Camp Member: Any exciting plans today, Personal trainer?
Personal Trainer: Yup! My wife and I are going to watch the Original Star Wars today for Star Wars Day!
(All the members give him a blank stare, and I can tell he is about to explain, so I raise my hand in a Vulcan salute and say:)
Me: May the Force be with you!
Everyone turns and it clicks, there are some laughs. My trainer calmly stops his stopwatch.
Personal Trainer: Okay we are done, except (my name) you have twenty burpees.

(Thankfully I knew he was joking, but for a second I did think he was serious).

Keeping Abnormal Psychology At Arm’s Length

, , , , , , , | Learning | March 14, 2018

(My teacher shares this story that took place several years ago, when she was beginning to teach. Although she gives out study guides, she’s always been very strict with tests, and this was one of the reasons of why.)

Teacher: *as she’s passing out tests* “Take everything off of your desks besides your writing utensil. If you haven’t already, turn your phones off. Before I give you a test, you have to show me your hands. I already went over this last class, but I will reiterate: If I see you on your phone, you will get an automatic fail. If I see your book open or out, you will get an automatic fail. If I see anything written on your hands, you will fail. If I suspect you of cheating at all, I will rip up your test and fail you. Is that clear? Are there any questions before you begin?”

(A student sitting in the front row, practically beside her, raises his hand.)

Teacher: “Yes?”

Student: *somewhat smugly* “You mentioned if they wrote on their hands. You forgot about if they wrote the answer on their arms.”

(She thinks the statement is a bit odd, as she will be watching her students to make sure they aren’t cheating, anyway, but thinks that’s fair to include.)

Teacher: “Hmm, good point. I guess I hadn’t thought about that. Would you care to roll up your sleeves for me to check?”

Student: *goes white and withdraws hand* “Uh… No?”

Teacher: “…”

(Turns out, the same student had written answers all over his arms. How he thought he would get away with that during the test, let alone pointing it out to the teacher at all, was baffling. As a Psychology professor, however, she found it oddly fitting or at least incredibly interesting that this flawed logic was present in her class of Abnormal Psychology. The student still failed, obviously.)

Unfiltered Story #106948

, , | Unfiltered | March 10, 2018

(I had just started working at a store that sat right in the middle of the higher and working class population, so a mix of different people would come and shop by. Within my first week, on a slow day, I’m chatting with two of my coworkers as a customer with a semi-noticeable limp enters through the elevators.)

Coworker #1: “Ugh, she’s back.”

Coworker #2: “Hey, [My Name], when she’s ready, can you check her out?”

Me: “Okay, why?”

Coworker #2: “Well, she has a bit of an attitude, and you’re knew. Have to graduate somehow, right?”

Me: *rolls eyes* “Haha. But sure, alright.”

(Eventually, she comes up to my register. She smiles and acknowledges that I’m new, since she doesn’t recognize my face. She’s wearing a veteran cap, which I point out and ask about, as my cousin is a veteran, too. We end up chatting for a bit while I ring her out. She pays with an EBT card for her groceries and goes off on her way to the elevators once again. She was perfectly polite, and I was left confused over the warning I had received about her from my coworkers until they both approach me again)

Coworker #1: “Wow. How did you DO that?”

Me: “Do what?” *starting to think I was lucky for catching the customer while she was in a good mood*

Coworker #1: “Keep a straight face?”

Me: *more confused* “Over what?”

Coworker #1: “Come on, you know.”

(She then starts to imitate an exaggerated limp, mocking the customer. My second coworker laughs. I’m left speechless.)

Coworker #2: “I’m more surprised that you were able to keep it together when she flashed her EBT card. She always does it so ‘casually,’ too! It’s so shameless.”

(By now, my confusion has manifested into anger)

Me: “Why does it matter how she pays for her food?”

Coworker #2: “Well, I mean, it’s not just that. It’s just the shamelessness. I *try* to act casual, too, but then she always gets attitude and all mad about it. Like, dude, at least I’m trying!”

Coworker: “She ALWAYS takes the elevator, too. Like, at least TRY to look active.”

(Now my anger is BOILING)

Me: “Are you fucking kidding me? She’s *clearly* a veteran!”

(Both give me a blank stare)

Coworker #1: “So?”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, wasn’t that *her* choice, anyways?”

(I give up and walk away at this point as I am literally shaking with rage feel that I’m actually seeing red. We never got along after that, but I got along with my other coworkers just fine (most of whom also having issue with how ignorant and conceited the other two usually acted) and I was always happy to see my regular (who, by the way, never gave “attitude” towards anyone else BUT the two coworkers, solely because they gave it to her first.) Eventually, one quit and the other was let go, the latter due to her behavior towards customers. None of us were shocked.)

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