It’s Time For Them To Punch Out

, , , , , , | Friendly | March 5, 2019

(I was involved in an incident that left me anxious around strangers. I’m barely able to talk to them and I really don’t want to be touched by them. I have been getting help, but I still have to have family or a friend go with me whenever I go out. I’m out shopping with one of my closest friends. I’m deciding on what chips I want when he says he is going to the next aisle to grab some water. I’m okay with this since it should only be less than a minute before he gets back. As soon as he goes around the corner, a middle-aged woman comes up to me.)

Lady: “Excuse me. Can you tell me where the [item] is?”

(I’m feeling anxious already, but she was polite so I manage to answer her.)

Me: “Sorry. I don’t know where that is.”

(Her politeness disappears immediately.)

Lady: *raising her voice* “What do you mean, you don’t know? What kind of employees do they hire here that don’t know where anything is?!”

(The employees wear long-sleeve, white dress shirts with a tie, black slacks, and either a vest or apron. I’m wearing a white hoodie and black jeans.)

Me: *starting to shake and tear up* “I don’t work here. I—“

Lady: *cutting me off* “BULLS***! I saw you help that young man just now.”

(I’m now beginning to panic when I see my friend come around the corner and begin to walk toward him.)

Lady: *grabs me by the arm* “DON’T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME, YOU LAZY B—“

(That’s the last thing I hear. I’m not 100% sure what happens but my friend tells me that as soon as the lady turns me, I punch her in the nose. Then I kind of black out for a little while. My friend tells me this is what happens after I punch her.)

Lady: *now holding her bloody nose* “CALL THE COPS! THIS F****** EMPLOYEE JUST ASSAULTED ME!”

Friend: *checking on me* “She’s not an employee; she’s a customer. And you grabbed her first.”


(A manager comes over with the security guard and an employee who is another friend of mine.)

Manager: “What’s going on?”


Friend: “You grabbed her first.”

(The cops are called, and I begin to calm down. I see the employee holding my hand trying to calm me down.)

Me: *disoriented* “What’s going on?”

Employee: *calmly and quietly* “It’s okay. Can you tell me what you remember right now?”

Me: *starting to hyperventilate when I see the lady* “That woman grabbed me.”

Employee: *rubbing my hand* “It’s okay. The cops will be here and it will all be sorted out.”

(I just want to go home now. I pull my knees up to my chest and I start crying. My friend sits next to me and tries to calm me down. The lady still has to get her jabs in.)

Lady: “You know you f***** up, don’t you?”

Manager: “Miss, could you please leave her alone?”


(My friend has had enough. I have never seen him so mad.)

Friend:No! She is not. You’re the one who grabbed her, because you’re too stupid to listen when someone says they are not an employee.” *points to cameras and the end of the aisles* “And those will prove it.”

(The lady now has a worried look on her face and starts to walk back out of the aisle toward the exit, but the cops show up. The manager leads the cops, my friend, and the lady to his office to review the tapes while the employee stays with me.)

Me: *crying* “I want to go home.”

Employee: “As soon as they let [Friend] leave, we can go. How about when this is done I go get some [my favorite ice cream] and stop by [my favorite pizza place] and we watch some Disney movies?”

Me: “Don’t you still need to work?”

Employee: “No, I just got off. I can leave whenever we’re done here.”

(I agreed, and [Friend] came out and asked if I was ready to go. It took me a few more minutes to get up and go. On our way home, my friend told me that after they reviewed the tape and he explained how I don’t like to be touched, the cops were very understanding. The lady wasn’t, and she flipped out, slapping my friend and kicking the manager. The lady was arrested and that’s the last I heard about her. My employee friend came over later with the ice cream and pizza and we watched Disney movies for the rest of the night.)

Unfiltered Story #142726

, , , | Unfiltered | March 5, 2019

(So I work at a buffet that has different prices depending on what you get; like if you get soup and salad then it’s cheaper than the full meal. But we also have kids pricing but you have to ask the parent for the kids age.)
Guest: Hi. We are just about ready can we get the bill.
(bear in mind that I’m a little soft spoken)
Me: sure no problem. Can I have your kids ages?
Guest: what?
Me: your kids ages?
Guest: WHAT?
Me: …( Completely giving up) how old are the kids?
Guest: oh. They are 5 and 7

No Caprese, Capiche?

, , , , , | Right | March 4, 2019

Customer: “I would like two orders of the chicken caprese with no caprese.”

Me: “Okay, it is a chicken dish based on a caprese salad which is comprised of fresh mozzarella, sliced tomato, fresh basil, and then drizzled with balsamic vinegar and olive oil. So the actual dish is a balsamic glazed chicken breast stuffed with fresh mozzarella, tomato, and basil. Which of the ingredients do you wish to avoid?”

Customer: “Caprese.”

Me: “So you want two plain chicken breasts then?”

Customer: “No, I just don’t want no caprese on it.”

Me: “Again, caprese means fresh mozzarella cheese, tomato and fresh basil leaves drizzled with balsamic vinegar, so when you say you do not want the caprese do you mean the balsamic glaze on the chicken? Do you not want the basil? Or is it the cheese, or the tomato? Because they all make up the “caprese” part of the chicken caprese dish, so saying you don’t want caprese makes it plain chicken. So can you tell me which ingredient it is you do not want?”

Customer: “Caprese.”

Me: *soul slowly dying*

Unfiltered Story #142221

, , | Unfiltered | March 2, 2019

(I’m bagging for customer #1, who has just finished her transaction. The checker is about to start on customer #2’s order when she notices a small item that’s not part of his order.)

Checker: Is this yours?

Customer 2: No, it must be hers.

Customer 1: Oh, those were mine, were they not scanned?

Checker: I can ring them through right now before we start on his order.

Customer 1: No, it’s okay. I don’t really need them.

Checker: Are you sure?

Customer 1: I’m sure, I don’t need them.

(The checker sets the item aside and starts on ringing up customer #2’s order. I’m chatting with customer #1 as I finish bagging her order so we don’t realize what’s going on until…)

Customer 2: (trying to hand the item to customer 1) Here, a gift.

Customer 1: What? Really?

Customer 2: Yeah, here you go.

Customer 1: Thank you so much!

(Sweetest thing I had seen all day!)

Just A Regular Idiot

, , , , | Right | February 27, 2019

(I’m working at a gas station in the early 90s. California has just recently eliminated leaded gas, so we have three grades of unleaded: regular, plus, and supreme. Even though it’s been MANY years now, I remember this customer like it was yesterday.)

Customer: “I need to get some unleaded gas, but I don’t want plus or supreme.”

Me: “Okay, so you want regular unleaded?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want regular. Regular has lead in it.”

Me: “No, sir, none of our gas has lead it in anymore. The State of California banned all lead in gas last year.”

Customer: “But the sign says, ‘regular.’ Regular has lead in it.”

Me: “It says, ‘regular unleaded.’ Not just, ‘regular.’”

Customer: “I don’t understand; is it regular or unleaded?”

Me: “It’s just regular unleaded.”

Customer: “It can’t be both at the same time!”

Me: “Sir, ‘regular unleaded’ just means it’s the base unleaded gas. Not plus, not supreme, just regular unleaded.”

Customer: “You aren’t making any sense. It can’t be regular and unleaded at the same time. I’m calling the state on you.”

(The customer then got into his car and drove off. A few days later, state inspectors were on site taking fuel samples to make sure we weren’t selling leaded fuel anymore, which we weren’t. I mentioned the customer to the state inspectors. One of them laughed and said they’d been getting a lot of calls like that one.)

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