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In The Snow! With No Shoes! And No Backpack For Your Books!

, , , , , , | Learning | December 9, 2021

I went to school in a very hilly part of California. The school I went to was built on the side of one of these very steep hills. The school’s structure followed the slope of the hill.

There were three large double doors in the school: one near the top, one near the bottom, and one near the middle. For some reason, the doors near the middle were kept locked, and the top door was designated as entrance only, the bottom as exit only.

Oddly, the middle of the school was the part closest to the drop-off point where busses and parents were permitted to drop off their kids.

I once asked a teacher why the entrance and exit were set up in that strange way. The teacher said that the principal wanted us to have to walk uphill both ways. I didn’t get the joke back then, but now I understand that’s something that old people sometimes say they had to do to their kids.

So, everyone who went to that school really did have to walk uphill both ways.

Cash Back Attack, Part 16

, , , , , | Right | December 7, 2021

I am ringing a woman up for her purchases.

Me: “All right, your total is $21.57!”

Customer: “I’ll pay $20 cash and put the rest on my card.”

Me: “Great!”

I take the $20 bill she hands me, but since the drawer only opens after all the payment is done, I just keep it in my hand.

Me: “Okay, that leaves $1.57.”

She inserts her card and pushes a few buttons, and I get a prompt on my screen that she has asked for $40 cashback. I look down at the $20 in my hand. I look up at her. I grab another $20 bill out of the drawer, add it to the one she just gave me, and hold it out for her.

Me: “Here’s your receipt and… $40 cashback?”

Customer: “Thank you!”

Then, she took the twenties and her shopping and walked away. I wanted so badly to grab her shoulders and shake her and beg for an explanation.

Cash Back Attack, Part 15
Cash Back Attack, Part 14
Cash Back Attack, Part 13
Cash Back Attack, Part 12
Cash Back Attack, Part 11

After Their Venture Capital

, , , , | Right | December 7, 2021

I have volunteered for a regional summer camp for many years. I am calling parents and caregivers to confirm and clarify information on their written applications, as well as give reminders about payments. This camp is pretty well known in this area and has been around for decades.

For the purpose of the story, let’s say it’s called Green Tree Venture Camp. I am calling a parent.

Me: “Hello! This is [My Name] with Green Tree Venture Camp, and I’m—”

Parent: *Interrupts* “I told you to stop f****** calling! I’ll pay you when I f****** can!”

I’m startled; I have never spoken with this parent and I’m the only one making these phone calls.

Me: “Um, um, I’m sorry, I don’t… Ma’am, I’ve never called you?”

Parent: “Yes, you f****** have! You keep calling me to pay for a test I took months ago. This is bulls***!”

Me: “Ma’am, no, ma’am… I’m calling from Green Tree Venture Camp about [Child]? Going to camp in July?”

Parent: *Pauses* “What?”

Me: “Yes, I have your application here and I just wanted to clarify some information so we can register your camper.”

Parent: “Why didn’t you say so?”

Me: “Who did you think I was, ma’am?”

Parent: “Some place called Venture that I owe money to.”

I work in the medical field, and I have a sudden moment of recognition.

Me: “Ma’am, did you think I was Venture Diagnostic Labs?”

This is a local place where most of the area’s blood and urine medical testing is done.

Parent: “Yes, you should be clearer on the phone! Who even calls people anymore?”

Mom-thuselah Is Not Impressed

, , , , , , | Related | November 30, 2021

My mother, who lived in New Jersey, spent some time in California. While there, she had to visit a doctor. The doctor, as is customary, sent a write-up of his examination back to my mother’s regular physician in New Jersey.

My mother showed me her copy of the letter and was very indignant. The line in question read, “Mrs. [Mother], a seventy-five-year-old woman who looks her age…”

My mother found that very objectionable. True, my mother did look much younger than her age. But I thought I understood why the doctor wrote the letter that way.

Me: “Mom, everybody in California has work done, so the doctor thinks that’s what typical seventy-five-year-olds look like. You didn’t have any work done, so you must have looked like Methuselah to him!”

Needless to say, my explanation did not appease her!

You’re Only Beautiful When You’re Giving Me Money

, , , , , , , | Friendly | November 23, 2021

I am walking down Hollywood Boulevard when a man steps into my path. 

Man: “Hey, girl, you are beautiful. Let me tell you a little about my music. Do you have a minute?”

Me: “No, thanks.”

I step to the side but he steps in front of me again.

Man: “Now look, I’m getting big on Instagram, but I’m out here—”

Me: “I’ll kick you.”

Man: *Hands up* “Easy, girl, I’m just trying to share my music.” 

I walk around him and he yells after me.

Man: “You wanna be a cold b****, that’s between you and God.”

I keep walking.

Man: “Yeah, f*** you, stupid whore!”

He continues to yell at me as I walk down the street. On my way back, the same man steps in front of me again. 

Man: “Miss, you are gorgeous! Can— Oh, f*** no.”

I just laughed as I walked by.

The next weekend, I was walking the same street and saw a woman standing a few feet from the “artist” telling everyone that he gave her a blank CD and refused to give her money back. He did not look happy.