He Sure Didn’t Ace That One

, , , , , , | Friendly | July 2, 2020

I’ve come out as asexual to a couple of friends who I’ve met online. They’re all supportive, but one is completely clueless about anything LGBTQ+ and private-messages me for clarification. There is no malice or teasing, just lack of knowledge.

I’m known for being the “innocent child” of the group, extremely short and not intimidating in any way.

Friend: “If you’re ace, can you perform mitosis?”

Me: “While that would be cool… no. No, I cannot.”

Friend: “That sucks.”

I’m about to ask if he has any more questions before this message comes through.

Friend: “Two [My Name]s would be awesome but equally terrifying.”

Always a kick to be called “terrifying”!

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Bye-Bye, Bigot!

, , , , , , | Related | June 26, 2020

I’m on the phone with the grandmother I have an already rocky relationship with. Out of nowhere, she says this:

Grandma: “I don’t like that gay people can adopt.”

Me: “What?! Why?”

Grandma: “What will two women do with a son? They’re women! They don’t know how to raise a boy!”

Me: “That is the dumbest f****** thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

Grandma: “Don’t use that language with—”

Me: “You were a single mother who raised a son and you spoke to the judge to make sure my mother — your own daughter — didn’t get me in the custody battle instead of my single father.”

Grandma: “W-well… Well, I had help from family! And so did your father!”

Me: “And gay people won’t? Gay people don’t have families?”

Grandma: “I just don’t like gay people! I’m old and set in my ways, and I don’t like them and think they’re disgusting and wrong.”

Me: “Well, I’ve decided that I don’t like you and I think you’re disgusting and wrong.”

Grandma: “Why, because I don’t like gay people?”

Me: “I generally don’t like people who hate me, so, yeah.”

Grandma: “I don’t hate you! When did I say I hated you?”

Me: “Just now. I’m gay. So, since you hate me so much, I’ll just never talk to you again! Bye!” *Click*

Several weeks later, I got a letter in the mail from my grandmother demanding I “change my mind about being gay” because she’s “too old to change.”

I’ve spoken to her a total of two times since then and each time she spouts more hateful nonsense, even going so far as to ask me if I was getting divorced two months after I married my wife. The kicker? Her OLDER sister came to the wedding and absolutely loves my wife; they swap recipes.

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They’re A Little Confused, But They’ve Got The Spirit

, , , , | Related | June 15, 2020

A few years ago, in my early twenties, I had to come out to my parents as transmale. I’m also homoromantic and only date men, but I hadn’t thought that would come up during the conversation.

I’d only had one long-term relationship at that point, with a man, but for some reason, my mother had always made it known that she thought I was a lesbian. I hadn’t realised how convinced both my parents were that I liked girls until this happened.

Since I wasn’t living at home, I called ahead to let them know I was coming over for a chat. The conversation happened with few blips. But they were both encouraging and supportive, talking over each other like Irish families do. While my dad was pointing out that he was cool with everything and would be supportive of my future relationships and any girls I brought home, my mam was pointing out that she’d figured it out, and they’d just been wondering if I was coming out as trans or gay.

It took me a second to process both statements at once before I could respond, “Apparently, both!”

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Transitioning To A Good Review

, , , , , | Right | May 18, 2020

I am a female-to-male trans boy working at a high-profile pharmacy shop. My boss has allowed me to wear my “male” name on my nametag, but all the computers show my legal, “female” name.

I am helping a customer find things and she is very happy so far. Finally, I bring her up to the front and ring her things up.

Customer: “You’ve been so helpful to me!”

Me: “I’m only doing my job, ma’am.”

Customer: “What’s your name, young man?”

Here I hesitate, and then I tell her my male name. But, as I think it over, now I’m worried that if she decides to call the company and give me a good review, they won’t know who she is talking about.

Customer: “Thank you so much!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am… I’m sorry, but I gave you the wrong name.”

Customer: *Confused* “What do you mean?”

Rather than say anything, I turned the register around, which had my “real” name at the top of the screen. The smile slid off her face, her eyes grew wide, and she thanked me quietly and left.

The next week, my boss congratulated me on getting such a good customer review. Seems she really didn’t have a problem with being rung up by a trans boy after all.

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Parents, Man

, , , , , , | Related | May 11, 2020

I’m a transman. Before realising I wanted to transition when I was twenty, I struggled with my sexuality, believing myself to be a lesbian, which my parents — of course — passed off as a phase, before I realized I was “sort of bisexual.” (My actual sexuality is more complex than that, as I understood some years later.)

After I’ve been living as male for a while, I have a long-distance relationship with a lovely woman for a couple of years. It fizzles out, and a while later, I start talking to a sweet guy online.

Here is how my mother and my stepfather take that.

Mother: “Oh, did I tell you that [Older Cousin] is getting married?”

Me: “No? I didn’t even know she’d been seeing anyone since she broke up with her last boyfriend.”

Mother: “Yeah, he works in the medical industry. Quite well off. He’s called John.”

Me: “Huh. I’ve been talking to a guy called John who’s interested in me.”

Mother: “Wait. Really?”

Me: “Yes?”

Mother: “I thought you were straight now.”

Me: “What?!”

Mother: “I mean, after [Ex-Girlfriend]—”

Me: “I’ve always been into both men and women! That hasn’t changed because I finally had a longer-than-brief relationship with a woman!”

Mother: “Oh. Well, how do you know he’s really into you?”

Me: “…”

Mother: “I mean… what if he just wants—” 

She gestures towards my crotch.

Me: “Because. He’s. Gay.”

Also, I don’t think most straight men want to sleep with someone who is a man, and both looks and sounds like it, simply because he has a vagina. Come on, now.

After I get with this guy, this happens.

Mother: “I told your dad—” *meaning my stepfather* “—about you and John.”

Me: “Oh?”

Mother: “Yeah, he didn’t get it.”

Me: “What’s not to get?”

Mother: “Well, he doesn’t understand what the point of being a man is if you’re just going to have a relationship with a man anyway.”

Me: *Pause* “Oh, my God.”

Anyway, “John” and I eventually got married, once we were legally able to. He’s pretty fantastic. My parents behaved terribly on our wedding day, and that was the final straw on top of a whole bale of being awful. I’ve cut ties with them, and that’s also been pretty excellent!

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