Glad We Straightened That Out

, , , , , , , | Related | March 26, 2020

(This happens the afternoon after my school’s annual career day. It’s important to note that I am very much NOT straight and my parents are fully aware of this.)

Me: *talking to my dad* “Oh, yeah, we had career day today.”

Dad: *only half paying attention* “Huh? Queer day?”

Me: “No, career day, Dad. You should know that every day is queer day for me.”

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They Have A Band On Their Wrist And A Chip On Their Shoulder

, , , , | Right | March 11, 2020

(I am volunteering at a convention where people are given wristbands to wear instead of badges. I am standing at one of the entrances, and my job is to stop people if I can’t see their wristbands. Whenever someone passes me, I look at their wrists to check for a wristband. At one point, two young women come out holding hands. As usual, I look at their wrists as they pass. They notice and stop.)

Woman #1: “Excuse me, do you have a problem with us?”

Me: “Oh, I’m—”

Woman #2: “There’s nothing wrong with two people in love.”

Me: “I know, I’m just—”

Passerby: “This city is full of LGBT people; you’ll just have to deal with it! Otherwise, get the f*** out.”

Me: “Look, I’m just checking for wristbands, which you clearly have. I don’t have a problem with you.”

Woman #1: “Oh…”

Me: “Enjoy the show.”

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A Lot Of People Have Special Friends, Lady

, , , , , | Right | February 28, 2020

I work in the bookstore of a very small town. We get some religious and conservative folk here. I’m female, bisexual, and have a long-distance girlfriend. I’m wearing a cross she gave me for our one-month anniversary. I’m at the register when a group of three customers all in their late teens or early twenties, the same as me, comes up.

Customer #1:
“Do you have any Bibles here?”

“You know, I’m not sure. Let me ask [Coworker].”

I ask [Coworker] and she takes them over there. They return with a Bible and proceed to check out.

“I’m glad you found everything okay.”

Customer #1:
“Yes, you’re going to have to order some more Bibles now.”

I nod and start to ring her up, telling her the total and giving her change. Another customer notices my cross.

Customer #2:
“Ooh, your cross is so pretty. What’s it made of? Is it amethyst?”

“Thank you. It’s black diamond, actually.”

Customer #2:
“That’s really pretty. Who gave it to you? What does it mean to you?”

“It’s actually from my girlfriend.”

There’s a noticeable pause from everyone.

Customer #2:
“Oh, it’s from… your special friend?”

I don’t want to make a scene, so I finish ringing the customer up and hold out her bagged Bible, smiling.

“Here you go. Have a great day!”

The fact that someone so willingly misinterpreted the meaning of “girlfriend” really took the cake that day.

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Transitioning To Some New Protocols  

, , , , | Working | February 4, 2020

(I am working part-time at a large department store. A coworker brings up what looks like an eight- to ten-year-old with a very feminine face, but their hair is cut above their ears and they are wearing typical boy clothing, including a button-down shirt.)

Me: “Lost child?”

Coworker: “Yep. Need the intercom.”

Me: “Sure.” *to the child* “Hi. You okay?”

Child: “I lost my dad!”

Me: “I’m so sorry. This nice lady is going to announce that he’s lost his little… uh… kid?”

Child: “I’m a boy! And my dad’s a man!”

Me: “Okay.”

Coworker: *to me* “Don’t be silly; that’s a girl. Look at her face.”

Me: “He says he’s a boy, so he’s a boy.”

Coworker: “Well, I’m announcing ‘lost girl.’”

Child: “Boy! I am a boy! If my dad can be a man, I can be a boy, too!”

Me: “Uh, how about announcing ‘lost child’?”

Coworker: “We’re not supposed… fine.”

(She does announce “child.”)

Coworker: “So, what’s your name?”

Child: “[Boy’s Name].”

Coworker: “Yours, not your dad’s.”

Me: “He’s a boy.”

Coworker: *to me* “We’ll talk later.”

(We entertain the boy and it becomes more evident that his dad is trans and he is questioning; my coworker keeps frowning about it.)

Walkie-Talkie: “We may have the mother of the lost child.” *in background* “Father!” *foreground* “Says the boy’s name is [Boy’s Name].”

Coworker: *stares at me and snatches her walkie* “Yes, we have [Boy’s Name] at the third-floor customer service.”

Walkie-Talkie: “Sending the parent over.”

(The dad who arrives is barely five feet tall, and also has a feminine face, short hair above the ears, and typical male clothing with a button-down shirt, as well. He’s also wearing a backpack with LGBT flags on the front straps.)

Child: “Daddy!” *runs and jumps on him*

Dad: *with a slightly high voice* “I’m here. Where did you run off to?”

Child: *just clings on him*

Dad: “Thank you so much, ladies. And thanks for accepting him being a boy.”

Me: “No problem, mister. And I’m not a lady; I’m a human.”

Dad: “Oh, nice! Take care.”

Me: “Take care, as well.”

(I turn and see my coworker crossing her arms and frowning.)

Coworker: “That was ridiculous.”

(In the end, it got to management. They said in the case police needed to be involved, what’s legal would be the way to go, but they understood that they didn’t have proper internal protocols for this situation. But they acknowledged that the fact that the child and parent gave the same name is good enough.)

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Gays Can Now Marry And Be As Miserable As Everyone Else!

, , , , , | Related | January 31, 2020

(My sister is a lot older than me. She is also married. At the moment, she is talking to my mom. I am twelve.)

Sister: “Ugh, he just works all the time and doesn’t help with the house or kids…” *complains some more, and then she turns towards me* “[My Name], be a lesbian; it’s easier.”

(Now it’s a few years later… I followed her advice.)

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