I’m offering samples of candies that come in different flavored jars at a large grocery store when a manager comes over.

Manager: “What did you say to that couple you just served?”

Me: “Uh, they asked if there were different flavor candies in the jar, and I said no, I just set up all the flavors this way for the display.”

Manager: “Can you remember the exact words you used?”

Me: “I… hmm… I think I said we have a mixed assortment gift bag, but the promotion is just for the homogeneous jars.”

Manager: “There it is. You can’t be using big words like that, not with the customers.”

Me: “Big… words?”

Manager: “The customers came over and complained to me that you were giving out gay candy to children.”

Me: “Oh…”

When I was in college, I dated one of two identical twins. A lot of people gave me s*** about it.

Friend: “Do you have threesomes?”

Me: “No! That’s incest, eww!”

Friend: “Well, how do you tell them apart?”

Me: “That’s quite easy: My boyfriend had a distinct, and very cute, pattern of freckles across the bridge of his nose, and his sister is cisgender.”

Names have been changed, but for the sake of the story, know that I am a woman named Sam, short for Samantha. I joined an office and am part of a team spread over several satellite offices, so I don’t meet all my team in person for a few months.

One coworker sees my name, Sam, and assumes I’m a guy. Despite making several references to me being a woman, he doesn’t get the hint. It’s only when the company updates our staff profiles with a pronouns field does this coworker sees that I am she/her.

A few months after this, after having met this coworker a few times now, we’re chatting after a presentation.

Coworker: “So we have a new guy on the team. Have you met him?”

Me: “Them.”

Coworker: “Huh?”

Me: “They go by the pronouns they/them.”

Coworker: “I’m not going to call one person two people. That’s just grammatically wrong on top of all the other wrongs.”

Me: “How do you refer to someone if you don’t know their gender?”

Coworker: “Duh! By how they look.”

Me: “We corresponded by email for the first few months I joined. You saw the name Sam and just assumed I was a dude.”

Coworker: “Uh… well… I don’t think I did.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure you did.”

Coworker: “Yeah, but it doesn’t matter because you’re not trans.”

Me: “And you know that how?”

Coworker: “Because you’re obviously a woman!”

Me: “If I were trans, you just gave me a huge compliment! Thank you!”

Coworker: “Yeah, but you’re not.”

Me: “You sure?”

I stare long and hard. I even wink.

Coworker: “Uh… I have a meeting.” *Slinks away.*

[Coworker] never spoke to me in person ever again, and it was wonderful.

Related:
When They’re Not Pro Pronoun, Part 5
When They’re Not Pro Pronoun, Part 4
When They’re Not Pro Pronoun, Part 3
When They’re Not Pro Pronoun, Part 2
When They’re Not Pro Pronoun

I’m flying up to New York from London. I overhear (and see) one of the flight attendants talking to a little boy.

Flight Attendant: “Wow! You’re four years old? Are you in school?”

Little Boy: *Looking at her like she’s an idiot.* “No, I’m in an airplane.”

Flight Attendant: *Smiles, and says to the mom.* “I work with five savage gay men, and that is the most sassy thing I’m gonna hear all day.”

A recent UK Supreme Court ruling has legally defined a “woman” as only someone who is identified as biologically female at birth, not their gender identity. It specifically clarifies that individuals should use facilities, such as toilets, designated for their sex assigned at birth. 

A woman is storming up to the customer service desk in our department store.

Customer: “I just went into the ladies and there was a man in there!”

Me: “Oh dear, that’s not good. This happened just now?”

Customer: “Yes! Come with me now! We can still catch him in the act!”

I follow this harried customer as she leads me to the back of the department, where the toilets are. A masculine-looking person with a light beard is walking out of the ladies’ toilets.

Customer: “There he is!” *Storming up to him.* “You! What do you think you’re doing, perving on the women while they’re just trying to use the toilet!”

Other Customer: “Law says I have to use the ladies, so I’m using the ladies.”

Me: “Sir, are you… by any chance…?”

Other Customer: “Trans, yeah! But the law doesn’t recognise that so now I gotta use these loos. Should get more interesting as my beard grows out more.”

Customer: “But… but… you’re a man!”

Other Customer: “Forgive my language, miss, but… that’s… the f****** point!”

I did not uphold the customer’s complaint.