Well Suited For Friendship

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 18, 2019

(I’m on the bus to work, and I have a crochet project out. As it’s rush hour, the bus is close to full. Two young men in suits get on and sit next to me. One watches me work for a bit.)

Suit Guy: “Wow, you’re making it look easy!”

Me: “After a bit, it’s more muscle memory than anything. I’ve been crocheting for four years now, so I’d hope I’ve got something down by now!”

(We talk for a bit about various art-related hobbies. I mention doing some cosplay work while living on the west coast.)

Suit Guy: “Oh! I’m from Idaho! What brings you out here?”

Me: “My grandma wanted me to live closer to her, and offered to pay for the move. What about you?”

(He suddenly looks nervous. The guy with him just kind of nods. He turns so I can see his name tag, where I can read, “Latter-Day Saints.”)

Me: “Oh! Okay! That makes sense.”

Suit Guy: “Sorry, we get a lot of people who get loud and in our faces about religion. It’s… frustrating after a while.”

(I turn my bag to show them the pride patch I’ve put on there.)

Me: “I completely understand being treated badly because of loving who you are. And you’ve given me no reason to see why I should have anything against you.”

(We ended up exchanging numbers before they got off the bus. We’ve run into each other a few more times and they’re always happy to see my current project!)

A Boob Noob

, , , , | Working | April 17, 2019

(We’re gathered for a meeting. My manager has brought in a weird, squishy, pink stress ball she found at a craft store. Everyone is immediately distracted by it, and spends several minutes passing it around, debating what’s inside.)

Manager: “Do you think this is what fake boobs feel like?”

(As she’s saying this, it gets tossed to one of my coworkers, who is gay. Right on cue:)

Coworker: “Eww, it feels gross!”

(The room cracked up, delaying the meeting for another ten minutes.)

When Lesbians Get Shirty

, , , , , | Romantic | April 1, 2019

(My wife and I are both women.)

Me: “That shirt makes you look like a lesbian.”

Wife: “I mean, I married you, so… mission accomplished?”

(I laugh and go to finish getting ready. Suddenly, it hits me.)

Me: “Wait a second… That’s my shirt!”

Wife: *hysterical laughter*

An Oriented Playlist

, , , , , , , | Friendly | March 22, 2019

(My job involves running a lot of errands, and while I can usually handle it myself, I know that this trip I have a lot to pick up and will need help. I’m allowed to pull another employee, so we go get in my car, which is hooked up to my phone. When I start the car, the last song I was listening to starts playing: “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” by Whitney Houston.)

Coworker: “Oh, so, you’re a lesbian!”

(I burst out laughing and he was briefly concerned he’d offended me, until I explained that I was, in fact, a lesbian. I’ve just never been outed by a song before!)

An Inside Look Into The Gay Agenda And… Ooh! Popcorn!

, , , , | Right | February 27, 2019

(I work in a movie theatre. A customer approaches the kiosk.)

Me: “Hello. Can I get you anything?”

Customer: “A large popcorn, please.” *as I’m filling a box* “It’s very pretty in here. Is it always like this?”

Me: “Oh, no. Two of our managers just got engaged to each other, and seeing as it’s Pride Month, we decided to celebrate a little.”

Customer: “Oh!” *looks around* “So, this is what it’s like to be inside the Gay Agenda. It’s very colourful.”

(He then left the kiosk and walked into his screening, while I stood there shouting, asking if she still wanted his popcorn.)

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