, , , , , | Related | September 4, 2019

(I play Dungeons & Dragons with my friends every week. Tonight, we’re meeting at my house. The group consists of four boys and me, a lesbian. I am out to my friends but not to my mom. After the game is over and the boys are gone, my mom comes in to talk to me.)

Mom: “Your friends are really nice.”

Me: “Yeah, they’re cool.”

Mom: “Why aren’t you dating one of them?”

Me: “Uh…”

Mom: “What about [Friend #1]? He’s so charming.”

Me: “He’s also four years younger than me.”

Mom: “So? He’s mature for his age.”

Me: “I’m 23. I’m not dating a 19-year-old. Also, I just don’t like him that way.”

Mom: “What about the others?”

Me: “[Friend #2] is gay, [Friend #3] is engaged, and [Friend #4] is dating my best friend.”

(She continued to make those comments every time this group of boys came over. A few months later, I actually did come out to her and she was not as warm about it as I’d hoped. I started dating a girl who was 20 years old and my mom frequently made comments about how she was too young for me. This happened over six months ago and she still tries to set me up with my guy friends.)

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Who Doesn’t Love Dragons?

, , , , , | Friendly | August 26, 2019

(I am a Christian attending a youth event at one of our sister churches along with my own small youth group. One of my friends from youth group, who is asexual, knows a girl who attends this sister church and is also at the event. She finds her and brings her over. We find a place to sit and make small talk over pizza for a while. My friend leaves to go get more punch and the other girl turns to me.)

Girl: “So, you’re ace?”

Me: *a little shocked because I haven’t said anything about it* “Um, yeah.”

Girl: *suspiciously* “Do you like dragons?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Girl: *slams hand on the floor* “EVERY ace person I’ve met likes dragons!”

(My friend came back and we talked about dragons and cake. I’m not sure which was funnier, the girl’s frustration or the fact that both dragons and cake are inside jokes in the ace community!)

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A White Dress Stress

, , , , , , , | Working | August 21, 2019

My two friends, both women, got married this spring. [Friend #1] has had her dream wedding planned since she was a kid, while [Friend #2] has always said she’d be happy with a courthouse wedding, but went along with [Friend #1]’s plans since she didn’t have a strong opinion one way or another.

They were getting married in [Friend #1]’s hometown, and [Friend #2] travels a lot for work, so [Friend #1] was the one onsite coordinating a lot of things, to the extent that [Friend #2] had only done one quick walkthrough of the reception venue a week before the wedding, while [Friend #1] had been in frequent communication with the manager there and had met her in person several times. It’s also important to note that [Friend #2] has a gender-neutral name.

The day of the wedding, after the ceremony at [Friend #1]’s church, two disasters struck almost simultaneously: [Friend #1]’s dress was stepped on and torn, and the reception hall called to inform them that there was an issue with the seating chart, and they needed them down to resolve it ASAP. Luckily, my friends had scheduled a bit of a break in time between the ceremony and the reception, so [Friend #1] went with her mother, who is a seamstress, to fix her dress, while [Friend #2] headed to the reception to deal with the problem there.

When [Friend #2] showed up at the reception venue, the manager got very confused, and asked her what she was doing there. [Friend #2] was very surprised to get that question, as she was still in her large, white dress, and informed the manager that she was having her wedding reception there that afternoon and needed to speak to her.

The manager immediately began sputtering and saying that there must have been some mistake, that another wedding party had already booked the venue, that [Friend #2] needed to tell her party to move on, and that they simply couldn’t accommodate them without any notice… And [Friend #2] began panicking, thinking that somehow their booking had been canceled and they wouldn’t have a venue for the evening.

It took about five minutes before the manager and [Friend #2] actually began to listen to one another, at which point they realized that the wedding the manager was speaking about was [Friend #2]’s wedding. She had only ever met [Friend #1], heard her refer to her fiancée by a gender-neutral name, and assumed that she was marrying a man. Then, when she saw [Friend #2] show up in a white dress, talking about her wedding reception that night, she thought some crazy bride had shown up to try to bully her way into the venue.

Luckily, [Friend #1] and [Friend #2] had a good sense of humor about it, and like to joke that [Friend #2] almost got everyone kicked out of her own wedding. And in case anyone was wondering, the seating issue was resolved easily, and [Friend #1]’s dress was mended so well, you never would notice the seam.

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Grandma Is Transitioning From Angry To Lonely

, , , , , , | Related | August 19, 2019

(We are visiting my dad’s mother on a vacation. My little sister and I go with my dad. It was only a couple years ago that she came out to us as MTF and started her beautiful transition. Now, mind you, my grandmother used to favor her when we were young when she was a boy. This is because she is quite sexist and believes that a woman’s job is to stay home, cook and clean, and look pretty. But her views have changed for the worse. I am now 22, and she is 19.)

Grandma: *confiding in me* “You know, I don’t know what to get [Sister] anymore for gifts.”

Me: “Well, I dunno. Maybe [Sister] would like gift cards to her stores, or some makeup?”

Grandma: “No! No! He isn’t a [gay slur]! He’s going to be the man of the house and it is going to stay that way!”

Me: “Well, I don’t know. But clearly, she’s been sitting on this part of herself for a while. Just get her some lipstick.” *already getting aggravated*

Grandma: “No! She needs a toolbox! A girlfriend, even! Who is going to take over the family when your father is gone?!”

Me: “Well, there’s me, [Younger Sister], [Older Sister], so it shouldn’t be too hard.”

Grandma: “Are you kidding?! Ladies like you and [Older Sister] are not meant to deal with finances like a house. You’ll be finding husbands soon, anyway; maybe one of them can take over the family.”

Me: “What? Are you f****** kidding me?”

Grandma: “Ah! Don’t use that language with me! None of this would be a problem if [Sister] didn’t decide to be a [trans slur]!”

(As if on cue, my sister and my dad come into the room, hearing the tirade his mother is spewing again. Poor [Sister] looks pale and mortified from the comment.)

Dad: *firmly* “Mom, don’t use that kind of language, please. [Sister] is right here and I don’t like her dealing with that.”

Grandma: “Don’t you butt into our conversation! It’s none of your business!”

Dad: “Well, it is my business if it has anything to do with any of my beautiful daughters. I think you need to go cool off.”

(She’s known for being quite crazy when she gets mad like this, so the next steps are very necessary when she doesn’t comply.)

Dad: “Okay, so, we are going to pack up early and leave.”

Me: “Okay? Did she finally stop running her mouth?”

Dad: “No, and that’s why we’re leaving. I’m not subjecting [Sister] to this for an entire week. We can go hang out with [Other Family we know around here].”

(After that, we left and didn’t have to deal with her again for the rest of the trip!)

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What A Trans Wreck

, , , | Friendly | August 11, 2019

(An LGBT group at my university has hosted a lecturer to speak about trans issues. I decide to go along and bump into my friend, who is trans, who decides to tag along. This happens shortly after we leave.)

Me: “So, what did you make of it?” 

Friend: “I found it very uncomfortable to sit through. You shouldn’t have dragged me to it.”

Me: “I’m sorry you didn’t like it, but I didn’t ‘drag’ you. I was already going.”

Friend: “Whatever. I just found it incredibly misogynistic for a man to talk about what happens to my body when going through the transition.”

(I find this strange, as the speaker, who quite clearly is a woman, introduced herself as a trans woman who had undergone a full transition.)

Me: “Okay. I assume she wanted to share her experiences, and who else to share them than someone who has actually transitioned.”

Friend: “THAT WAS A WOMAN? Well, he needs to try harder if he’s going to be like us.” *laughs*

(I don’t know if this was internalised transphobia or if she was just joking, as she had only just started the process and was confused quite a lot on campus for being male, to which she reacted badly and with hostility. I can’t imagine why she would put someone else down who had gone through what she was about to. Either way, I’ve stayed away from the issue since then, and only talk about it when she introduces the topic herself.)

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