He Thought He Had An Ace In The Hole

, , , , , , | Related | March 3, 2021

My brother has always been money-hungry. He buys expensive shoes and outfits and is constantly asking my parents for more allowance so he can buy them. My parents usually say no because they can’t spare that much money every month, as they’re saving for other things. As a result, he takes it upon himself to “advise” them on money they “could free up,” often by arguing my other siblings, my parents, and me down until we cave and say we don’t want something or change the budget.

My brother and I are weeding the cracks in the driveway. Just prior, he was arguing with my mom because she was saving money for “stupid things” instead of buying him Jordans.

Brother: “How come you never date any guys? [Friend] asked you out and you turned him down.”

Me: “I didn’t like him that way. Besides, he and I weren’t right for each other.”

Brother: “Do you like any guys at all?”

Me: “I mean… not really? I don’t really get crushes and such.”

Brother: “Are you a lesbian? You are, aren’t you?”

Me: “No—”

Brother: “You are! I’m telling Mom!”

At this, I start to get scared. My family and I are Catholic, and while I support the LGBTQ+ community, my family isn’t quite so supportive of that. I could get in some very awkward situations if he told my mom that. 

Me: “No, I’m not a lesbian! Knock it off!”

He continues to pressure me to “tell him the truth” and starts to get up to tell my mom.

Me: “[Brother], I’m not lesbian; I’m ace! Stop! I don’t like anyone that way!”

I’m aroace, but I didn’t know the term aromantic at the time.

Brother: “So you’re just immature, then. Why don’t you like d**k? You just haven’t met the right guy yet.”

Keep in mind that this kid is over two years younger than me; he has no business calling me immature.

Me: “Yeah, yeah, just don’t tell Mom. I want to tell her on my own terms.”

Brother: “You need to tell her soon. She’s saving money for your wedding!”

Me: “O…kay? I’ll tell her when I’m ready. Just promise not to tell her?”

Brother: “Fine, whatever. You should tell her tomorrow, though.”

Foolishly, I thought that was the end of it. But the next day, my mom took me up to a fast food place and got us a snack. While we were eating, she asked me if I was okay, because, “Your brother said you were… a plant?” Turns out he had, in arguing that she should spend the savings she’d set aside for my future wedding, completely outed me to my mom, and she outed me to my dad. I then had to endure conversations of “Maybe you should be a nun,” “Stop making terms up,” “You’ll grow into it; you’re just a late bloomer,” and, “In order to get married you need to have sex in your marriage.”

And that’s the story of how my brother outed me for shoes! And he didn’t even get them, because my parents don’t believe I’m ace and still set aside funds for my wedding every month.

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An Unexpected Transition

, , , , , | Related | February 26, 2021

My grandpa is a very tall, straight-back, and straight-laced veteran with a no-nonsense attitude who diligently attends church every Sunday. He occasionally mentions his aunt and her friend; when Grandpa isn’t around, Granny clarifies that they’re lesbians in a long-term committed relationship and that Grandpa just isn’t comfortable talking about them like that.

Now, he is in his late eighties and has somehow gotten sterner. My mum, older sister, and I have gone over to see my grandparents. My older sister is dating a trans man. We are all having a chat in the living room and the subject of her boyfriend comes up. I can’t quite remember how it gets to this point, but it does.

Mum: “Oh, he’s a transman.”

Grandpa: “A what? What’s that?”

There’s a bit of an awkward pause and my sister glares daggers at my mum.

Sister: “He’s a transgender man. It means he was born a female, realised he was born into the wrong body, and is transitioning into man. He’s on hormone therapy and will soon have one of his surgeries, and I’ll be there to help him through it.”

Granny: “Oh… She’s—”

Grandpa: *Sharply* “He.”

Granny: “No, [Grandpa], she was born—”

Grandpa: “I heard. But he is a he. He is [Sister]’s boyfriend. He is a trans man. He is having hormones to be a man. He is thus a man and the appropriate pronoun is he.” *To my sister* “Unless he prefers different pronouns?”

Sister: “N-no, his pronouns are he/him.”

Grandpa: “There we go. He. Not she.”

Granny: “She’s clearly confused!”

Grandpa:No! He is not. I imagine he was much less confused when he was growing up not feeling like he belonged in his own body! You’re confused; he’s not! I hate that word! They called my aunt ‘confused’ and they set fire to her home and threw bricks through her windows because they were ‘confused’ by who she loved! They were happy, consenting adults. That’s all that mattered! This man is happy as a man, and it’s nobody else’s place to tell him he’s wrong or confused! It doesn’t affect anyone else!”

My grandpa died of cancer a few years back, but his tirade is a very fond memory I have of him as it allowed me to see a side I hadn’t known was there. My granny did improve her knowledge and opinions on transgender issues, though.

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Kicking Butt Knows No Gender

, , , , | Learning | February 19, 2021

I am genderfluid, but I was assigned female at birth. I am on the wrestling team, and we have to wear jackets on the days of meets. 

Girl: “Oh, it’s so cute that your boyfriend gave that to you!”

Me: “Oh, um, no, actually. This is mine.”

Girl: “No! it has to be your boyfriend’s!”

Me: “[Girl]… Um… I’m gay.”

Girl: “So? What does that have to do with this?”

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Literally No One Is Paid Enough To Deal With This

, , , , , | Right | February 12, 2021

I am a pagan lesbian working as a call center agent. In particular, it’s my job to talk to customers who, in some capacity, requested contact regarding a transaction or feedback. This particular call type typically takes around forty-five minutes, so that, combined with the general office drama, means that management’s expectations are low.

I have just gotten through the final part of a call with a lonely old woman who got on so many tangents that the call has taken almost two hours. I have been as nice as I can, but I’m mentally reeling in exhaustion, when she drops this gem on me.

The woman is talking amicably about her niece’s family, and then, suddenly, her tone changes to a really threatening and angry sound.

Woman: “You know, dear, [Political Figure] is the antichrist. I can’t believe that it’s allowed now for gay people to, you know! Ugh! Those gays shouldn’t be allowed to get married.”

I snap out of my stupor.

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, can you say that again?”

Woman: “Didn’t you hear? Gays are allowed to marry! It’s so revolting! I hate gay people. They’re all going to burn in Hell!”

Me: *Failing to stop myself* “Stop pretending you’re good enough to judge others on God’s behalf. Jesus loves everyone, especially gay people!”

I hang up on her and then remember I’m at work and look in horror toward my supervisor, who is staring at me like I’ve grown another head.

Supervisor: “Since I could hear you, I have to flag the call. I thought you said you believed in, what was it? Like, trees and the moon? What was that about?”

I’m embarrassed, and I figure this is how I get outed at work and then fired. 

Me: “Well, uh, she said gay people are going to Hell, so I just—”

[Supervisor] puts her hand up to stop me. 

Supervisor: “Oh, no. I get it. My brother is gay. I’ll make sure it’s in the system that she’s an abusive caller. Even if she calls back to complain, it won’t go anywhere.”

My coworkers were very supportive of my relationship with my girlfriend, and my coming-out at work inspired a couple of others to come out of their shells! I didn’t end up working there too long, though, because call center work is really miserable.

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We’ll Update The Acronym ASAP

, , , , , | Working | February 2, 2021

My employer, as many do, allows employees to self-identify based on race, gender, disability, sexual orientation, etc. I would consider myself asexual, but I have no interest in being shoehorned into anyone’s diversity box, so I have left my employee profile on its default settings. 

While doing the annual check of my profile to be sure that my emergency contact info is up to date, I notice something amusing. The choices in the sexual orientation category on our profiles are: “Yes, I am part of a minority group and this is what it is,” “Yes, I am part of a minority group but I don’t want to name it or you don’t have it defined,” or, “No, I am not part of a minority group.”

Since I have not altered the setting, this line on my profile reads, “Sexual orientation: No.”

I’m now considering the possibilities of defining myself as a nothankyousexual.

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