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The Return Of Cheese Louise

, , | Right | September 17, 2021

I’m a manager at the cheese counter, and the company is doing a special promotion through our cheese dealers. We have a program that allows customers to come in and try a specific cheese each week for six months. The idea is to get a stamp on a passport each week, and you turn in your completed passport to receive a free $25 cheese tray in return. The caveat is that if you miss a week, thus missing a stamp, you can’t win.

A woman comes in after I have left for the day, two days after the promotion has ended. She spins a story to the customer service manager on duty.

Customer: “I’ve misplaced my completed passport, but can I get my cheese tray anyway?”

The spineless manager says yes and brings her to the deli, where my assistant is working. The woman reiterates her tale, and the manager confirms that he has okayed it. My assistant is not impressed but obediently gets her a box of crackers to go with the tray and then starts to help her pick out cheese.

Once the tray is completed, the woman claims:

Customer: “I can’t leave with the cheese because it’ll sit in my car for too long. Can you hold it for me?”

Assistant: *Reluctantly* “Yes, but you need to come back before the end of the day.”

We find out much later that the woman just waltzed out of the store with the crackers, which she had not paid for, and came back for the cheese later that evening!

Five days later, guess who calls? Yep. The same lady. And now, she has a different story.

Customer: “I won a cheese tray as part of your ‘customer appreciation’ celebration. I had to leave the tray here but want to pick it up now.”

Yes, the tray she already got, to go with the crackers she stole. I have not heard the story up to this point, as my assistant also didn’t know she had stolen the crackers and the matter was considered closed.

Me: “I’m not familiar with this situation. Can you explain?”

Customer: “It’s all part of your birthday celebration!”

Me: “There was no promotion involving the cheese counter and the birthday celebration.”

Customer: “But I’m owed a cheese tray!”

Me: “But there is no promotion for that. Your only option is to turn in a completed cheese passport.”

She then name-drops the manager as having okayed it. I inform her with insincere friendliness:

Me: “You’re welcome to discuss the issue with our manager tomorrow.”

I fire off an email to our store manager after I hang up. Two days later, she calls AGAIN. This time, she talks to our customer service desk. They, of course, talk to me in turn, and I tell them what happened. Another refusal, another email to the manager.

I hear nothing for a week or so. Finally, the woman comes into the store. She tries the story about losing her passport and I tell her AGAIN to talk to my manager, as there is nothing I can do.

She looks me dead in the face.

Customer: “But [My Name, mispronounced] said that you would help me.”

Me: “I am [My Name] and I said no such thing to you, and now you aren’t getting the tray at all.”

Customer: “This is unacceptable behavior!”

She whines like this for several minutes before storming out after asking to speak to our manager, who isn’t here today.

Not even thirty minutes later, our grocery person calls me, because now the lady has called HIS department! Her story has changed yet again; now there’s a death in the family and she has to leave the country. Oh, and she drove all the way up from the next county, but she just wants the tray she won.

Me: “She isn’t getting a cheese tray because this is now an ongoing thing with her. She’s already lied multiple times to get it. You can refuse her on my authority, or you can transfer her to me and I will refuse her personally.”

The grocery person tries to offer to transfer her, but she refuses, saying that she just wants her cheese tray and that the cheese manager (i.e. me) has been rude and unhelpful.

Grocery Guy: *To the customer* “You have no choice but to deal with the cheese manager about the cheese tray.”

Customer: “I demand an email address to a higher-up so I can write a letter about how horrible you are being to me!”

Grocery Guy: “There is no email. If you have a complaint, you need to call a 1-800 number.”

She screamed swear words, threats of litigation, and, horror of horrors, negative reviews before her shrieking was cut off by him hanging up on her. Cue more emails to the manager.

The very next day, the manager came in and the whole of the story finally came out from beginning to end. I can only presume the manager finally ended it somehow because she stopped calling completely. 

All this because she was determined to get TWO free cheese trays.

Related:
Cheese- Louise!, Part 3
Cheese- Louise!, Part 2
Cheese- Louise!

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If You Talk Big, You Have To Work Big

, , , , , , | Working | September 16, 2021

[Sales Guy] is one of the younger sales guys who is either some sort of bank robber or greatly exaggerates his lifestyle, as he is in an entry-level job on entry-level pay. [Sales Guy] hasn’t done anything today and it’s already 11:00 am. He wanders over to us and interrupts people actually doing some work.

Sales Guy: “Might get a new car this month.”

Coworker #1: “Didn’t you say you just got a car?”

Coworker #2: “Or were getting one?”

Sales Guy: “Yeah, yeah, I did. Don’t really like the colour.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, sure. Yeah, I might buy a new house. Don’t like the colour of the bathroom.”

Coworker #2: “What’s a bathroom? I just let my butler pick it up off the floor.” *Laughs*

Sales Guy: “Whatever, you guys. You’re just jealous. You’re not swag like me.”

Coworker 2: “What’s a swag?”

Sales Guy: “I hate you guys.” *Storms off*

Me: “He can’t even drive. The guy needs to get his head down or they will get rid of him.”

Coworker #1: “No chance; his mom is a friend of the boss.”

Turns out I was right; he didn’t last the week. [Sales Guy] made some stupid story up about how the other guys were stealing all of his sales, not thinking that they could check all the emails and phone calls he wasn’t making.

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When The Employee Is Agitated, It’s Usually Because Of The Customer

, , , , , | Right | September 16, 2021

I run the office in a small family-owned auto repair shop. The owner is also the lead technician, so his days are very busy working on cars along with the duties of running the business. My job is to take care of everything I can on the business end so he’s free to concentrate on the repairs. Our policy is that the owner does not take phone calls, especially cold sales calls. If a customer or known vendor needs to speak to him and it’s something I can’t help with, the owner takes the call, of course. We get annoying sales calls all day, every day — my least favorite part of my job.

A youngish-sounding woman calls and asks to speak to “the owner.” She doesn’t call him by name, although she could find that information on our website in about three seconds.

Me: “I’m sorry, he’s not available. May I help you?”

Caller: “No, I need to talk to the owner. When’s a good time to reach him?”

Me: “I’m sorry, he doesn’t take calls. May I help you?”

Caller: “He doesn’t take calls?”

Me: “No, he doesn’t have time to deal with calls; that’s what he pays me for. Is there something I can help you with?”

I guess by this time, my tone may have gone from very polite at the beginning to a bit testy.

Caller: “No, you sound agitated. I’ll call back later and talk to the owner. Click.”

Sure, honey, because suddenly someone else will answer the phone in my one-person office and put you through to the boss. Oh, and of course, I’ll be less “agitated” when you call again.

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Jumping Through Hoops To Protect Her Kids

, , , , , , | Friendly | September 16, 2021

I’ve been suspicious for a while but a neighbour finally clued me in; some of the other neighbours’ kids have been using my back garden for the basketball hoop I set up.

I have mixed feelings; I don’t mind them using it, but every now and then something little gets broken or knocked over and hidden, or at least nothing said or apology given.

I decide to do the right thing and let their parents know, and let them know that it’s okay but that anything broken will have to be paid for.

I explain my thoughts to the kids’ mother.

Woman: “My kids wouldn’t do that.”

Me: “Look, it’s been happening for a while; other people have seen them. I’m not mad, but the breakages have to stop.”

Woman: “And I’m telling you it’s not my kids.”

Me: “Really? Okay, fine. If it’s these stranger kids — by the way, there are no other boys in the neighbourhood — who are using my garden, I will lock it, then.”

Woman: “Fine.”

Me: “Fine.”

I lock the gate and let the other neighbour know the kids shouldn’t be there.

Me: “Please let me know if you see them in my garden.”

Neighbour: “I’ll have camera footage if they do.”

Me: “I don’t think that will be necessary.”

Not a week later, I find another broken knickknack, and my neighbour lets me know the kids have been round and shows me a picture. Yep, it’s them. I take the picture round to their house.

Woman: “Oh, it’s him again. Here to make more accusations?”

Me: “No, same ones as last time.”

I hand her the picture.

Woman: “Well, that could be anyone.”

Me: “It’s not and you know it.”

Son: “Who’s that, Mum?”

Woman: “Some tosser from over the road.”

Me: “I was telling your mum that I don’t mind you using the basketball hoop, but you need to pay for the breakages.”

Son: “Oh, I, err—”

Woman: “I told him! I told him it couldn’t be you.”

Me: “And I’ve just given her a photo of you climbing my gate.”

Son: “Listen, Mum, I—”

The woman just rants and raves.

Me: “You know where I live.”

To their credit, the lads came round, apologised, and offered to pay for what they broke, as long as I didn’t tell their mum. I offered for them to come back and use the hoop, but only when I left the gate unlocked.

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You Catch More Flies With Truthful Honey

, , , , | Working | September 15, 2021

Yesterday, I got a postcard from a “beam” Internet company that deals with rural areas. I have DSL, and while slow, it’s dependable and cheap (for around here) and streams movies and allows most/all Internet stuff.

But this postcard was offering FIFTEEN TIMES the speed for the same price! It looked AWESOME! I decided that I’d give them a shot and pay them for a few months without cutting the DSL to make sure that they were above-board and stable.

I filled out paperwork online. They wanted my name, address, phone number, etc. One question was, “How do you want to be contacted? Email or phone?” I chose email because I hate dealing with voice and I like that email leaves a paper trail. 

Thirty seconds after I hit “submit”, my phone rang. The caller ID said it was the beam Internet company. 

I was torqued. 

Representative: “Did you just submit an inquiry about our service?”

Me: “Yes, I inquired and I specifically stated to contact me by email.”

Representative: “For the initial setup, it has to be voice.”

Me: “I’m no longer interested. If you are going to lie when trying to get customers, what happens next?”

She was surprised and seemed shocked that I wouldn’t talk to her after being deceived. Don’t tell me that we will set this all up online and then call. They haven’t tried calling back, though. 

I’ll stick with my slow-but-very-steady $64/month DSL.

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