Has Something To Tell You Alright!

, , , , , , | Working | June 23, 2017

(Back in the day, my boss calls me up at seven am on my day off to tell me that the drawer was short $80 from the night before when I closed, ruining my one day that week to sleep in.)

Boss: “So, the drawer is short $80. Is there anything you want to tell me?”

Me: “I don’t know; is it stuck in the safe drop? The flap is loose in the drop slide.”

Boss: “No, I checked.”

Me: “Are there any discrepancies in the cash out? It looked balanced to me. Did I mess up?”

Boss: “Not that I could see. The drawer is balanced and the printout looks solid, so the only thing that’s off is the deposit safe.”

Me: “Then I have no idea. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Boss: “Ok, but just call me if there’s anything you want to tell me.”

(Twenty minutes later he calls again:)

Boss: “You know, I still can’t find that $80.”

Me: “Well, crap.”

Boss: “And I looked at the security footage, and I didn’t see anything suspicious, but it was only you and the trainee working last night, and you were the only person handling the cash register.”

Me: “Darn. Are you sure it’s not stuck in the loose panel in the safe drop?”

Boss: “No, it’s not.”

Me: “Okay, then. I don’t know what to tell you.”

Boss: “Well, listen, I know you’re tight on money lately, and I just think it’s funny that there’s $80 missing from the safe on a night you were working. I respect you, so if you took the money and you bring it back right now I won’t get mad, and I won’t fire you.”

Me: “Well, [Boss], I respect you, too, so I’m going to put it this way. I have on numerous occasions caught my coworkers stealing from you and immediately reported it to you and you handled the situation. Since I’ve started working for you you’ve repeatedly said that I’ve saved you money because of changes that I’ve made in ensuring certain policies are adhered to, and since you’ve hired me you’ve passed every corporate and health inspection with a margin of five percent. You know very well that I have integrity and that I have always acted in the best interest of your business.”

Boss: “Well–”

Me: “And when you hired me you trusted me to be your number two to watch out for all of your franchises, train all of your employees, and take care of all of your stores, and you gave me a lot of freedom and a lot of responsibility, and you trusted me. A lot. You gave me the master keys to all four of your stores, I have the alarm codes to all four stores, I have the safe codes to all four stores, I have the computer password and access to all of your files in the office that track your accounting, and I know the password to tell the alarm company that tells them not to send the police in case I accidentally set off the alarm anyway.  All this means that at any given day I could walk into all four of your restaurants and steal every penny you have in all four safes AND THEN I could go into the office, blip the security footage, and fudge the accounting so you wouldn’t know it was missing for weeks until you ran your quarterly paperwork — which would have given me plenty of time to skip out on you and cover my tracks even more. If I were going to rob you I would take a hell of a lot more than $80. It’s simply just easier to work a full week every week at minimum wage and get a paycheck every Friday. Robbing you would be too much of a hassle, no matter how easy you’ve made it for me. You keep telling me and everyone else that I’m so smart, so think about it. Am I dumb enough to get myself fired over a measly $80? Please stick your hand INTO the safe and feel UPWARD into the drop slide to see if the envelope is stuck in the loose panel.”

Boss: “…oh. Okay, I’ll look again.”

(A half hour later he calls me back.)

Boss: “Hey, so, I found the missing $80. The corner of the envelope got stuck in the loose panel of the drop safe and it was hanging out of the flap instead of falling into the safe.”

Me: *facepalm* “That’s great, [Boss]. See you tomorrow.”

(I still had that job for another two years after that — and no, he didn’t take any further precautions against theft, even after I told him all of the ways I could potentially screw him over. I guess that at the end of the day he really did trust me.)

If You’re Michael Jordan Then I’m Bugs Bunny

, , , , , | Working | June 19, 2017

(I am the prospective customer. The employee in question is either working too hard, or not hard enough.)

Me: *answering phone at home* “Hello.”

Telemarketer: *heavy accent* “Hello, my name is Michael Jordan and I’m offering duct cleaning services.”

Me: “Michael, the spokesperson deals not paying enough after your b-ball career?”

When Education Costs You More Than The Fees

, , , , | Working | June 14, 2017

(I am one of the unfortunate former students of a for-profit college that was fined for massive student fraud and shut down. At the time of this incident, I am struggling to find a position in the career I graduated for, and have my resume posted on as many job search websites as I can find. I get a phone call one day:)

Caller: “Hello, is this [My Name]?”

Me: “This is she.”

Caller: “Hello, [My Name], this is [Caller] from [Door-to-Door Insurance Company].”

Me: “Uh, I believe there’s been a mistake. I haven’t signed up for any talks on insurance.”

Caller: “Oh, no, we actually saw your resume online and believe we have a position that you would be perfect for!”

Me: *immediately suspicious, but I put on a falsely cheerful tone* “You have a position for medical administration? That’s great!”

Caller: *her own cheerful tone is suddenly forced* “Oh, uh, well, er no… but we DO have many positions available and—”

Me: “Oh, so you have a regular administration position open?”

Caller: *through her teeth* “Uh, no, ma’am. My position is the only position in our company that deals with administrative duties and it’s not available….”

Me: *no longer pretending to be cheerful* “So you saw my resume, a resume CLEARLY marked for ‘administrative positions only’ and you wanted to offer me a job that I’m not qualified for?”

Caller: “Well, we do have a class you can take that will certify you to sell insurance. It costs $1,500 to complete, but we waive the cost of the class if you graduate and if we hire you.”

(She said the ‘if’ parts really fast like she was trying to hide it.)

Me: “IF?! Are you being serious right now?! You want me to attend yet another school and accrue MORE debt, which will only be waived IF I graduate and IF you hire me?! You saw my resume. You should KNOW that my skills are specific to administration, and especially medical administration. Knowing that, why did you even call me in the first place?”

Caller: *half mumbling* “Actually, my manager read your resume and just gave me your contact info…”

Me: *coldly* “I think we’re done here.”

(And I hung up. Months later I was told that due to the aforementioned fraud, employers in my field don’t consider my education to be valid enough to risk hiring. I’m still waiting on the decision for loan forgiveness for my worthless education.)

Short Changing Their Tune

, , , , , | Right | June 13, 2017

(I’m about 17 at the time and cashiering on a particularly busy Saturday morning. A customer walks up to my register and tosses a pack of gum on the belt.)

Customer: “Just this, please.”

Me: “Sure! Your total will be $1.”

(He hands me a $5, I hand him his change and gum. He just stands there, staring at me…)

Me: “Is there something else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “I gave you a $50.”

Me: “Actually, you gave me a $5. Minus the $1 for gum, your change is $4.”

Customer: “No, I gave you a $50! You short-changed me! Open up your register right now and give me the rest of my change!”

Me: “Let me grab a manager. They’re the only ones who can open my register in between transactions.”

(This is not exactly true, but I suspect something fishy and I want a manager to take a look. I flag down my direct supervisor, who does not like me all that much.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I gave her a $50 for this gum and she only gave me $4 in change! I demand you open the register and give me the rest of my money!”

Me: *quietly, to the manager* “He gave me a five.”

Manager: *nods* “I’m really sorry about this, sir. What I’m going to do is take her drawer to the back and count it. That way, we can give you the right amount of change back. It should just be a few minutes while we take care of this.”

Customer: *nervously* “WHAT?! No, no. You really don’t have to do that. I’m fine without my change, honest. I don’t need it that badly.”

Manager: “Sir, I heard you shouting from across the store. Obviously this is important to you and we want to make sure our customers get the correct amount of money back. Right, [My Name]?”

Me: *not entirely sure what she is getting at* “Of course…?”

(The manager pops my drawer out of the register and carries it to the back. The customer starts pacing back and forth, muttering under his breath about how unnecessary it all is, etc. while fumbling through his wallet. Ten minutes later, my supervisor walks back out and puts my drawer in the register.)

Manager: “I had two people count her drawer and it balanced both times. As a result—”

Customer: “No, it’s ok. I actually found the $50 in my wallet. I did give you a $5. Isn’t that funny?” *laughs nervously and runs out of the store*

Manager: “Well, that was obviously a short change artist. Good job, [My Name].” *walks away*

(I was stunned, not by the customer, but by the fact that this particular manager acknowledged that I’d done a good job!)

Didn’t Do Your Mountain Dew Diligence

, , , , | Right | June 8, 2017

(I am waiting on a table of two ladies and go to check and see if they needed anything.)

Me: “Is there anything else that I can get for you at the moment?”

Customer #1: “I’ve been waiting for my drink for ten minutes! It shouldn’t take that long to get a drink!”

Me: *confused* “I’m sorry. Your water is right there on the table.”

Customer #1: “I know where my water is! I’m not stupid! I’m waiting for my soda!”

(I know she didn’t order a soda but as a waiter I have to go along.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I didn’t realize you ordered a soda.”

Customer #2: *speaking to [Customer #1]* “You didn’t order a soda…”

Customer #1: “Yes, I did! I ordered a soda and you still haven’t brought it!”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am. I’ll get it for you right away. What soda did you order?”

Customer #1: “Mountain Dew! I ordered a Mountain Dew!”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t even have Mountain Dew here.”

Customer #1: “Oh… well then, I ordered a Coke!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am.”

(The other lady gave me an apologetic look before I went to get the drink. Once I got to the kitchen I laughed and shrugged it off.)

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