Show Crime

, , | Right | November 16, 2018

(I’ve sold a ticket to a man for a 5:00 pm show time. A few minutes later, I see him out of the corner of my eye entering the theater. It’s not even 1:00 pm yet. There’s an earlier showing of the movie already playing, plus a 2:30 pm showing before the one he bought his ticket for. I call a manager who goes into the theater and comes out with the man. I hear the following exchange.)

Manager: “I understand you bought a ticket to the five o’clock show time. If you’d like to see the rest of the current show time, I’ll have to ask you to exchange your ticket for it or buy a ticket to get in.”

Customer: “But this one is already playing!”

Manager: “I understand, sir.”

Customer: “Why can’t I just go see this one?”

Manager: “Because you didn’t buy a ticket to this show time.”

Customer: “But I bought a ticket to the five o’clock show time! So I should be able to watch the end of this.”

Manager: “That’s not how that works, sir.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Manager: “Sir, you bought a ticket for a specific show time. You need to go to that show time.”

Customer: *acting like he’s the smartest guy in the world* “But I just figured I’d watch the end of this one, and then I could also see the two-thirty show time and the five o’clock show time!”

Manager: *taken aback* “Sir, you essentially just told me you’re paying for one show time, but seeing three movies.”

Customer: *proud* “Yup!”

Manager: “Sir, that’s basically stealing.”

Customer: “How so?”

Manager: “You’re viewing two shows without paying for them!”

Customer: “But how is it stealing? I’m not taking them home.”

Manager: “You’re using a paid service without paying for it.”

Customer: “But it can’t be stealing if I’m not taking the movie home!”

Manager: “Seriously? You’re acquiring and using a service without paying for it. What else would you call it besides stealing of services?”

Customer: *beaming* “Being a smart customer who knows his rights!”

Manager: “Speaking of rights, you know I have the right to kick you out, right?”

Customer: *suddenly bolting towards the exit door* “I’ll be back at five!”

 

A Bag Of Old Tricks

, , , , | Right | November 15, 2018

(I am working in the concession stand where we offer free refills on large popcorns on the same day of purchase. A customer approaches and takes an old popcorn bag out of his jacket pocket.)

Not-So-Sneaky Snacker: “Can I get a refill?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we only offer refills on popcorn for the same day of purchase.”

Not-So-Sneaky Snacker: “I bought this today.”

Me: “Sir, I know that’s not true. That’s not the bag we’re currently using, I just saw you come in from outside, and you are literally the first customer of the day.”

(He opened his mouth as though to argue, but instead just slunk away in defeat. A few months later, he was permanently banned for defrauding the theater’s rewards program, and for sexually harassing one of the managers.)

Beer With Me For A Moment

, , , , , , | Working | November 15, 2018

(In early 1994, I am invited over to the States from the UK by an American music software house, as a demonstrator for their flagship software program at a major trade show in California. Whilst at the show, one of their lead sales managers, knowing of my liking for beer, invites me out along with several other folks from the company for an evening at a local bar. This bar is apparently known for having something like 114 different beers from around the world. Anxious to introduce my friends to the peculiar delights of British beer, I peruse the section dedicated to my home country, at which point the alarm bells go off. There are three beers on offer: a low-alcohol brew borne out of the privations of World War II which hasn’t been brewed for UK consumption since 1976, though still brewed for export at that time, a favourite of Clint Eastwood, but only ever available in bottles, never on tap, and a strong cask ale known for its knee-trembler abilities when consumed to excess. I therefore order a jug of the final nectar for our drinking pleasure, which is duly delivered… at which point I feel the need to complain to the barman.)

Me: *after taking a sip* “This isn’t [Brand]!”

Barman: “Yes, it is, sir.”

Me: *deploying my best upper-class English accent* “Au contraire, dear boy! For your information, I was born 100 yards from their brewery in Chiswick, London. I was raised drinking this, my local brew, and can categorically assure you that this is not [Brand]!”

Barman: “What makes you think that?”

Me: “Well, for a start, you’re obviously serving it from a gas-pumped barrel; [Brand] is only ever served from a tap-and-vent barrel, hand-pumped via a long swan neck. Secondly, the colour is entirely wrong, and thirdly — and most importantly — it tastes nothing like [Brand]. I have no idea what you call it here, but in my country we have a little something called the Trades Descriptions Act, which makes it illegal to pass off a product as something else.”

Barman: “…”

Me: “Get me your manager.”

(The manager ended up giving us free drinks for the rest of the night which, despite this hiccup, proved highly entertaining for all concerned, and a prime example of American hospitality. I note with considerable pleasure that in the intervening years, America has embraced the production of craft ale/real ale and is now making some seriously excellent beers.)

Proof! Evidence Of Incompetence Forces Publishers To Eat Costs

, , , , , , | Working | November 14, 2018

I am ordering more business cards for my office, and am asking the graphic designer to add our email address to the cards. Our email address has an unusual spelling, so I go through it letter by letter, and she says she will send me a proof to approve before actually printing the cards. A week later, she calls and says she’s going to drop by with the cards, and to have payment ready. I never received a proof.

Lo and behold, the email address is spelled wrong, although not in the way that most people misspell it. I refuse the incorrect cards, but she insists that someone from my office signed off on the proof. As only the business owner and I have the authority to do so, and neither of us did, I know that’s not true. Additionally, the “sent” mailbox in our email contains no correspondence with her, as it would have if anyone had approved an emailed proof.

Later, she calls saying that she checked her notes from when I called to make the order, and her notes have our email address the way she spelled it. She claims that I spelled it that way on the phone, and I point out that it’s far more likely that she wrote it down wrong, and that’s why we send a proof for approval before printing, isn’t it?

All I can conclude is that she forgot to send the proof before printing and was trying to find reasons that she could claim it was my fault so she wouldn’t have to eat the cost. Now I have to wait for the proof to actually arrive so I can double-check it before the corrected cards are printed.

Clearing Out Your Clearance Scam

, , , , | Right | November 14, 2018

(I am a cashier. Our clearance items have red barcode stickers that go over our store’s regular barcode stickers. We get a lot of people that try to switch the tickets around, so we always have to check to make sure that the item numbers match on both of the stickers. I get a customer who brings a bunch of clearance items to my register. Upon examination, nearly all of them have clearance tickets that don’t go with the item, and it’s obvious that most of them have been tampered with. Normally, if a customer comes up with tickets that don’t match on an item, it’s only one, maybe two items per order. This woman has about ten items with clearance stickers that don’t go with the items. I call over my coworker who works in the department the customer got her items from, and we begin to look up the items in our system to see if they are on clearance and just have the wrong ticket, or are not on clearance at all. Most of the items are not on clearance. The customer becomes furious when we tell her this, saying that we “should just give her the items for the price she found them at.” It is blatantly obvious that she switched the tickets around to get herself a better deal, not knowing that we must look at the clearance tickets and remove them if they don’t match. Finally, the customer leaves the store, leaving behind most of the “clearance” items that she brought up with her. Once she is gone, I turn to the coworker who was helping me.)

Me: “[Coworker], I’m pretty sure she switched most of the tickets herself.”

Coworker: “Oh, I don’t doubt it. And if today had been my last day, I would have let her know that, too.”

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