Sadly, She’s Allergic To Honesty

, , , | Right | March 27, 2020

(I’m working at a call center that takes overflow calls from a big extermination company. This summer, in particular, is plagued by wasps all over the country, and we have so many calls that we’ve had to hire extra staff to handle the workload. Most of the customers are calling because their home insurance covers household pests, and the more reasonable ones understand that there are wasps everywhere right now and that there is a waiting period. Then, there are the gems like this lady:)

Me: “Welcome to [Extermination Company]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, hello, I have this huge wasp nest on my verandah and I have a garden party tomorrow. I need someone to come out right away to take care of it.”

Me: “I understand, ma’am. Unfortunately, I have to inform you that, since we’re experiencing an unusually heavy workload right now, the waiting period for an exterminator is approximately one week. Would you like me to put in a work order for you?”

Customer: “That is completely unacceptable! I’m paying for this service! I want your personal guarantee that you’ll have a man out here this afternoon!”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. I can only put through a rush order if there’s an emergency.”

Customer: “This is an emergency! I have a party tomorrow!”

Me: “Ma’am, by ’emergency’ I mean if there’s a danger to life or limb, like if someone in the household has a wasp allergy or something like that.”

Customer: “YES! My children are deathly allergic to wasps! Send someone over here right away!”

(Well, funny that you didn’t think to mention that before you told me about your precious garden party. Of course, I had to put in a rush order anyway because of the magic word “allergy,” but I made a note about how the call went down and I hope the exterminator assigned to the case gave her a piece of their mind.)

A Hard Sell On Soft Drinks

, , , , , , | Right | March 26, 2020

(I work in a fairly high-end hotel bar and restaurant in a nice part of town. A family with two young daughters comes in and orders a bottle of our most expensive champagne. A coworker takes it over to them. A little while later, the father comes up to the bar, presumably to buy non-alcoholic drinks for his daughters.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Can I borrow a bottle opener?”

Me: “You don’t need a bottle opener for that type of champagne. If you like, I could open it for you, sir.”

Customer: “No, it’s not for the champagne. It’s for the drinks I bought for the girls.”

Me: “Were they not opened when you bought them?”

Customer: “No, we bought them from a supermarket.”

Me: “Unfortunately, sir, you won’t be allowed to drink those in here. You can only consume food and drink purchased on the premises.”

Customer: *getting aggravated* “This is ridiculous. I’ve come here and bought your stupidly expensive champagne, I’m going to eat dinner here later, and I have to waste money on your inflated prices for [Soft Drink], as well?” *storms back to table*

(Later, I saw that another colleague had served him [Soft Drink], and he was now topping up their empty glasses with the drinks he’d brought in with him. I alerted my manager, who confiscated the drinks. Daft that he was happy to spend £100 on champagne, similar on food, but not £2 each on soft drinks.)

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The Situation Has Gone A Bit Awooooo

, , | Right | March 24, 2020

(I work at a car rental shop where we have our own garage for small repairs with mechanics who are offered jumpsuits to protect their clothes. We also have a policy of no animals in the cars and no smoking.)

Customer: “Hi. I just checked out my car and it smells a bit like smoke; can I get a new one?”

Me: “Yes, of course! I’m very sorry for the inconvenience this has caused you.”

(The customer leaves with no other problems and returns the car on time with no complaints.)

Me: “If you could just wait right here, I’ll go check out the car to make sure everything’s in order. It won’t be too long.” 

(I find a large amount of dog hair in the back. After talking with another employee, we agree the guy broke the contract.) 

Me: “Sorry, sir, there seems to be a slight problem with the car.”

Customer: “What?! I did nothing wrong! I am a good customer; you should be honoured to have me!”

Me: “Sir, there is a large amount of dog hair in the back of the car. You signed a contract before leaving agreeing to no animals in the car.”

Customer: “How do you know it was me? It could have been one of your employees! Stupid kids, always pinning the blame on someone else!” 

(Right then, a mechanic comes around the back after hearing half of the conversation.)

Mechanic: “Hey, just finished cleaning another car.”

Me: “As you can see, sir, all of our employees are required to wear these suits when cleaning and keys are locked away at the end of the day to ensure safekeeping.” 

Mechanic: “And from breaking contract, you will have to pay to have the car cleaned.”

Customer: “This is all some Commie scam! You just want to get the hard-working guys like me! We get no break! When else are we supposed to drop off our pets to the kennels?! This is horrible! Here! Take the d*** money. I’m never coming back here!”

(He promptly tosses €100 at us to cover for cleaning and storms out.)

Me: “Doesn’t it only cost €20 to clean the cars?”

Mechanic: “Looks like you just got a bonus.”

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Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 15

, , , , | Right | March 20, 2020

(I recently started working at a locally-owned thrift store that benefits the less fortunate people in our area. This takes place on my fourth day of work. A customer comes up to me carrying a stand of some sort, which I later find out is for cymbals for a drum set.)

Customer: “Can you do $10 for this?”

(The original price is $12.99. As we are a store, not a garage sale; the price on the tag is final unless it has been on the floor for a long period of time. I look at the tag and see that it was just put out yesterday.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this was just put out yesterday so I can’t lower the price.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because it just got onto the floor yesterday.”

Customer: “But it doesn’t even have the cymbals on it.”

Me: “I understand that, sir, but it is still a nice, working stand.”

(He tests it out to make sure that it adjusts and everything properly and then tells me that he “might” get it. A few minutes later, I see him walking to the cash register.)

Customer: “I am going to leave the tag here and take the stand to the truck. My wife is going to pay for it.”

(There is no wife or anyone to speak of around.)

Me: “I am sorry, sir. You can’t take it out of the store until you have paid for it.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because… you haven’t paid for it.”

Customer: “But my wife is going to pay for it!” *still no wife around*

Me: “Sir, once your wife has paid, then you can take it.”

(The customer is really getting irate and giving off an aggressive vibe. He leaves to go to his truck after his wife finally comes to pay, and she doesn’t even have a way to pay. One of their children has to get his credit card from him, which he understands to mean that I have rejected some other form of payment, and storms back into the store. After they have checked out and left, the next customer comes up. I am shaking a bit and trying to calm myself down as I am the only one on the floor.)

Next Customer: “Sweetie, you handled that with great tact. Better than I would have!”

Lady Behind Her: “Yeah, honey, you did good! Don’t worry; we were ready to circle the wagons if anything had happened!”

(The next several customers were great, and one even told me that I was a blessing to him, which almost made me cry right there.)

Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 14
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 13
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 12

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Who Needs To Prove Themselves To Whom?

, , , , | Working | March 19, 2020

(I am at home going through my homework when I get a call. My phone alerts me to potential scams and does so giving it the name “RoboCaller.” I go through the machine and get to a person.)

Employee: “Hello, you qualify for a reduced interest rate for your credit card.”

Me: “Can I just get put on the ‘do not call’ list?”

Employee: “But ma’am, you qualify for a reduced rate.”

Me: “Okay, then, which type of card do I have?”

Employee: “What?”

(I repeat myself.)

Employee: “Oh, ma’am, you want me to prove myself. Okay, you have a…” *lists all possible cards*

Me: “Which specific card do I have?”

Employee: “Okay, I will need you to verify some information before I can tell you. What’s your account number?”

Me: *laughing* “Dude, just put me on the ‘do not call’ list.”

Employee: *laughs* “You know, you have a beautiful voice.”


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