Her Reasoning Isn’t Very “Solid”

CONTENT WARNING: Gross (Talk of bathroom activities)

An older and well-dressed woman approaches me at the counter looking concerned.

Customer: “I’m concerned!” 

Nailed it.

Customer: “There’s a man using the ladies’ toilet!”

Me: “Oh, well, I can see why that could be concerning.” 

Customer: “They’re still in there! Hurry! You can catch them!”

I follow her, if anything just to calm her down, and we get to the ladies’ toilet. There’s no sign of a man, but one of the stalls is occupied.

Customer: “He’s in here, still!” 

Me: *Calling out* “Hello, this is a member of staff. Just to let anyone in here know, this is the ladies’ toilet, and the gents is just on the other side of the floor, for future reference.”

There’s the sound of flushing and a woman comes out of the stall. She looks around.

Other Customer: “No men in here, love, just me!” 

I turn to the “concerned” customer.

Me: “We must have just missed them. Sorry if he startled you. What did he look like, for future reference?”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t see him; I just smelled him.” 

Me: “Smelled?”

Customer: “He was…” *Looks left and right and then leans in to whisper* “He was… defecating!”

Me: “And you know it was a man?”

Customer: “Of course! A lady doesn’t do that outside her own home!”

Other Customer: “If you’re talking about taking a loud s***, love, that was me! The vindaloo from last night got the better of me, and I just had to… well… release it into the wild!” 

Customer: *Looking horrified* “But… but you’re a lady!”

Other Customer: “I’m a woman, aye, love, but I’m no lady!” 

The customer looks at me, pleadingly.

Customer: “You let… you let customers defecate in here?!” 

Me: “Well… it is a customer toilet, so, yes.”

Customer: “But… but… this is the ladies’ toilet! Ladies do not defecate outside their own homes! You need to stop that!”

Me: “Sorry, madam, but how would we do that?”

The customer continues to stare at me frantically, desperate to find an answer to my question. With none forthcoming, she throws her hands up in the air, declares that she’s never coming back to this “disgusting store” ever again, and storms out.

Other Customer: “I just passed a vindaloo so spicy it made my a**e look like the flag of Japan, but that woman was a more painful experience.”