My Hope For Humanity Is Melting

, , , , | Right | August 6, 2018

Customer: “Do you have any ice?”

Me: “Yes, we do!”

(I point towards our freezer of ice. The customer opens the door to the freezer and shuffles around a few bags before turning back to face me with a disappointed look on her face.)

Customer: “Do you have any ice less frozen?”

Me: “Um… No, I’m sorry. We do not.”

Do Things Different So Faro From Home

, , , , , , | Working | July 23, 2018

(My brother and I go to New York. I am 23 years old and he is 20, and we are both Portuguese citizens. We are invited by a friendly local family we met to dinner at their place, and decide to go to a liquor store to buy two bottles of Portugal’s excellent wine, so we won’t show up empty-handed. After having chosen the two bottles, we get to the register, and I place the bottles on the conveyor belt.)

Cashier: “Hello. Your total is $90.”

Me: *in Portuguese* “[Brother], the wallet is in my backpack; take it out and give the cashier a 100, please.”

(He does so, and hands the cashier the money.)

Cashier: *pointing at my brother* “I need to see his ID; he looks under 21.”

Me: “He is; he’s 20. I, however, am 23.”

Cashier: “It doesn’t matter; he gave me the money and he is under 21.” *hands the money back to him*

(I can already see my brother rolling his eyes, as we’ve never had these issues in any other country as long as one of us is legal. I turn to him.)

Me: *in Portuguese* “[Brother], it’s okay. Just give me the money and I’ll pay.”

(He hands me the money, and I try to give the cashier the money, which she doesn’t accept.)

Cashier: “He gave you the money. You are buying for him. I can’t sell to you.”

(I’m slowly getting annoyed. Instead of arguing, I just ask for a manager, hoping he’ll be willing to sell it to me. He arrives and I explain what’s going on.)

Manager: “If you hand over the money, you can buy the bottles; that’s okay. I need to see your ID, though; you also look under 21.”

(I give the manager my passport.)

Manager: “This doesn’t seem to be a state-approved ID. I cannot accept it.”

Me: “No idea what state-approved IDs are; it’s a Portuguese passport.”

Manager: “I’m afraid we can’t sell you the wine if you can’t provide an ID.”

(We both just look at them for a few seconds, then look at each other and decide it isn’t worth discussing.)

Me: “All right, just hand me back my passport. We’ll buy it somewhere else.”

(I got my passport back, and we went into the next liquor store we could find. They were happy to sell us the wine.)

Should Have Checked The Sign

, , , , , | Right | July 10, 2018

(We have signs on our registers saying, “NO CHECKS.” The customer’s total comes to under $10. He has three cards come back declined, including a check card.)

Customer: “Can I write you a check?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we do not accept checks here; credit or cash only.”

Customer: “Who doesn’t take checks anymore? It’s not even $10.”

Me: *points to sign* “It is our store policy; we do not accept checks.”

Customer: “You can’t make an exception? I shop here all the time!”

Me: *I’ve never seen him before* “Sir, even if I was allowed to make an exception, would you really give us a check knowing that your check card has been declined?”

Customer: *long pause, then walks out*

We Decline Your Solution

, , , , | Right | May 15, 2018

A customer comes to the counter, bottles in hand, and gives me his card to run. It is declined. I give it another shot. Declined again.

He snatches the card back from me, looks at it, licks it with gusto, and attempts to hand it back to me.

I decline, and he cannot figure out why I won’t touch it again.

Words To Make You Go Pale Ale

, , , , | Working | April 30, 2018

(I work in a liquor store that is three hundred feet from the border of another state. As such we get many requests for beers that are exclusive to the other state.)

Me: “I have a customer who’s asking about [Out-of-State Beer]?”

Boss: “Tell them to go f*** themselves.”

Me: “W-what?”

Boss: “Right, you’re new; one minute.”

(She gets up, walks out of the office, and approaches them.)

Boss: “Go f*** yourself.”

(The customer looked shocked, and my boss laughed and explained that since the out-of-state beer is only available in the other state, and that the company involved made it very clear that they will not release the beer across state lines, even for three hundred feet,  that particular brand is a bad word along the lines of a racial slur in our store. I learned that day that our store policy for handling that particular beer request was, in fact, to tell them to go f*** themselves.)


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