No ID-ea How Much Trouble They’re In  

, , , , , | | Right | August 9, 2019

(I work in a liquor store. A girl enters who I recognise as being part of a group of 16- and 17-year-olds that hangs around the area.)

Me: “Hi. What can I get for you?”

Customer #1: “Can I have a bottle of that vodka?”

Me: “Okay, can I see some proof of age?”

(She hands me a valid UK driving license, but noting that she has a different facial structure and hair colour to the picture, I question her on the details on “her” card.)

Me: “Can I ask your date of birth?”

Customer #1:Mine?

Me: “Yeah.”

Customer #1: “27th of February.”

(The ID I am holding says 2nd of August.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m not going to be able to serve you, or give you this ID back.”

Customer #1: “You have to; it’s not your property!”

Me: “It doesn’t appear to be yours, either.”

Customer #1: “I’m calling the police!” *storms out*

Me: “Have a good evening…”

(Fifteen minutes pass and I am aware she is still outside the shop as customers comment on her erratic behavior as they enter. She comes back in a few times to insult me while still on the phone. She re-enters a final time.)

Customer #1: “The police are coming! So, are you going to give me my ID?”

Me: “I cannot return this ID to anyone but its rightful owner, and then they need another form of valid ID. You can tell them they have a week to pick it up here before it is sent to the police.”

Customer #1: “You’re stealing my ID; that’s theft!”

(A second customer introduces himself, stating he has witnessed everything.)

Customer #2: “Hi. I’m a police officer.” *shows his police ID* “And I’m not on duty, but I think you should leave the store now.”

Customer #1: “But he’s stolen my ID. Bouncers don’t take my ID at clubs!”

Customer #2: “Well, they should.”

Customer #1: “Fine! My mom’s a police officer; I’ll get her to come down here.”

Customer #2: “My advice to you is that you don’t do that.”

Customer #1: “She always backs me up and she knows I’ve got this ID!”

(The police officer and I glance at each other, realising the girl has just implicated her mother, a police officer, as an accessory to identity fraud.)

Customer #2: “My advice to you is that if your mother were to come down here, and if she did, in fact, know about this ID, she would certainly lose her job.”

([Customer #1] storms out in a huff.)

Me: “Thanks, man.”

Customer #2: “Oh, no problem. I saw the whole thing. You did well to stay calm.”

Rebate Debate

, , , , | | Right | July 17, 2019

(Sometimes distributors will come in and put rebates around the necks of bottles, or we’ll get shipments with rebates already attached.)

Customer: “I have a coupon for this [whiskey].”

Me: *suspicious because we rarely ever have coupons* “Okay, can I see it, please?”

Customer: *pulls out rebate that he could have left around the neck*

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. That’s a rebate. You have to mail it into the address on the back with proof of purchase and they’ll send you back the amount of the rebate.”

Customer: “What? I’m not doing that. Just give me the money off now.”

Me: “I can’t do that, sir. That rebate is from the manufacturer. It has nothing to do with this store in particular. [Major Grocery Chain] probably has bottles with the exact same rebate on them.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! You can’t put coupons on your products and then not honor them! It’s false advertising!”

Me: “Again, sir, it isn’t a coupon; it’s a rebate. And we didn’t put them on the bottles; the distributors put those out.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not mailing in this stupid thing.”

Me: “That’s your choice, sir. Do you still want this anyway?”

Customer: “Of course I still want it!”

Me: *ringing bottle up* “Do you have our loyalty card?”

Customer: “No. I don’t need another piece of plastic crowding my wallet.”

Me: “Well, we can always look your card up if you don’t like carrying it around. And it’s a free program. Anyway, your total is [price] today, sir.”

Customer: “What?! It’s supposed to be [slightly lower price]!”

Me: “Was there a big tag that had that price on it in red next to a picture of our loyalty card?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “That’s the price with the loyalty card, sir. Without one, it’s full price. As I said, it’s a free card if you want to sign up and get the discount.”

Customer: “No! I don’t want your stupid card! I’m never shopping here again after this!” *continues grumbling, but swipes his credit card*

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Have a good day.”

Customer: *throws crumpled rebate on the counter and storms out the door*

Me: *looks at rebate to see how much they were offering and turns to the shift manager behind me* “With our discount and this rebate he could have gotten that bottle for better than half price.”

Manager: “You can’t fix stupid, [My Name].”

Unfiltered Story #157546

, , | | Unfiltered | July 12, 2019

Me: Welcome sir!
Costumer: Don’t call me sir, miss… missus… what are you?
Me: I’m single?
Customer: What? Why?!
Me: Well if I chose to pursue further in my education, so I’m not really looking for anything….
Customer: Well you should quit school and let loose! Sooner or later you’ll be use for breeding!
Me: …. what?
Customer: You’re a girl! You’re gonna get knocked up and have kids so there’s no way you’ll get a job! May as well start early!
Me: …. I’m sorry sir, but my mother told me that while as great as romance is, education is more important.
Customer: You’re mom could have said that, but I bet she played around a bit! Heck I bet your dad ain’t even your real dad! Women are better at this cheating business ya’know?
Me: *At this point I’m speechless*
Customer: So ah…. you looking for a lover?
Me: No.
*Even now, I’m not even sure if this is just a terrible joke or if he was serious*

Your Prices Are Tequilling Me

, , , , | | Right | June 30, 2019

(I work part-time at a small wine shop that also sells a selection of spirits. We get all sorts of customers, from those who just want a cheap bottle to go with dinner to those who want to get a bit spendier.)

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for tequila, I think…”

Me: “Okay, well, here’s our tequila wall right over here. We have a great selection.”

Customer: *spots a bottle on a high shelf* “What’s the price on that?”

Me: “$140.”

Customer: “I’ve seen it elsewhere in the city for half that.”

Me: *not sure what her point is* “Okay.”

Customer: “I’ll give you $100 for it.”

Me: *laughs unsure if she’s kidding* “Um… yeah, we don’t… haggle here. The price is set by my boss.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(She left without buying anything.)

Got Enough Bottle To Demand It For Free

, , , , | | Right | May 14, 2019

(I am standing at my cash register.)

Me: “All right, that will be [price]. Debit or credit today?”

Customer: “Debit.”

Me: “All right.” *taps my debit button* “That should be ready for you.”

Customer: “Oh, I need a bottle opener for this.”

Me: “We do have those.”

(The customer grabs it and puts it in with his paid-for product. I take the item back from him.)

Me: “It costs [price].”

(He pays for his product and walks off, muttering just within hearing.)

Customer: “Jeez, can’t get anything for free anymore…”

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