Sober, But Lighter On Sanity

, , , | Right | November 14, 2018

(A sober, middle-aged woman brings a pint of vermouth to the register.)

Me: “Hello there. That will be $6.49.”

Woman: *holds out a used lighter from her purse*

Me: *knowing this is not a lighter from our store and that she is not trying to purchase it* “Umm, that will be $6.49.”

Woman: *gestures that she insists I take the lighter*

Me: “Will that be cash, check, or credit?”

Woman: *looks at the lighter, then at me, and gestures again*

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t take lighters here.”

Woman: *holds lighter and waits, and then leaves store without bottle, but keeps the lighter*

Me: “???”

The Mother Of All Fake IDs

, , , , | Right | November 12, 2018

(I work in a liquor store.)

Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

Customer: “Sure.”

(He hands me his driver’s license.)

Me: “You’re not 21. I can’t sell to you, I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Oh, I gave you the wrong one.”

(He takes the license back and hands me a different one. Curious why he would think this would work, I take a good look at the second ID: different birthday, different name, different picture. Then, I realize…)

Me: “Is this your mother?”

(I didn’t sell to him.)

Wearing The Vest Of A Slave

, , , | Right | October 26, 2018

(I work in a well-known big box store whose employees wear a distinctive vest with a logo on the back. I am wearing my vest when I stop at the liquor store. I am looking at wine when this happens.)

Woman: “Excuse me.”

(Thinking she is trying to pass, I step closer to the shelves to allow her to pass. She clears her throat and says even louder:)

Woman: “Excuse me! I’m looking for [Fancy Brand] of wine.”

Me: “I don’t work here, sorry.”

Woman: *rolling her eyes* “I know that. You work at [Big Box Store]. You have your vest on. So, hop to it.”

Me: “What?”

Woman: *snaps* “It’s a law. If you don’t help me, I’m going to call the police!”

(A man, I assume her husband, comes over and takes her arm. He gives me an “I’m sorry” look and leads her away.)

Woman: *yelling* “You’re required by law to help me! You’re wearing the vest!”

(I sometimes feel like slave labor when I work at [Big Box Store], but I had no idea that the vest actually made me one.)

Someone’s Been Drinking The Kool Aid

, , , , , | Right | September 13, 2018

(A guy walks into our outlet store carrying a bottle of wine.)

Customer: “I want to return this bottle.”

(He takes it out of the brown bag and I see it has already been opened and some wine has been removed.)

Me: “That’s fine. Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “Yes, here it is.”

Me: “Can I ask why you are returning it?”

Customer: “I didn’t realize it had alcohol in it.”

Grape Gripes

, , , , | Right | August 26, 2018

(I am a cashier in a liquor store.)

Me: “Hello, Welcome to [Liquor Store]. Can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Y’all have any grape wine?”

Me: *pause* “We sure do. Almost all wine is made from grapes. Do you know what type of wine?”

Customer: “Grape wine.”

Me: “Okay. Is it red or white?”

Customer: “Look. I’m not here to play twenty questions. I want that grape-flavored wine.”

Me: “Wine is made from fermented grapes. It’s technically all ‘grape’-flavored. Do you remember a brand name?”

Customer: “It’s the grape-flavored wine. Why is this so hard for you?!”

Me: *thinking furiously* “Grape-flavored like grape-flavored candy?”

Customer: *pause* “Yes.”

Me: *shows her to the Manischewitz Concord Grape Wine*

Customer: “Yes! This is what the Jews drink!”

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