Their Humanity Is Not Up To The Mark

, , , , , , | Friendly | September 7, 2017

(I have a stork bite [red birthmark] on my forehead and down the side of my nose. I’m working the check-out, and am ringing up an older gentleman. Everything is going fine until…)

Customer: “You have something on your face.”

Me: “Oh, you mean my birthmark?”

(The man thinks for a bit, then leans right in and pokes me hard on my forehead.)

Customer: “That’s where God said, ‘I.’” *pokes me hard* “’Hate.’” *pokes me hard again* “’You.’” *pokes me hard one last time*

(The man then happily grabbed his purchase and walked out. I was too stunned to say anything.)

You’ve Been Brandied A Problem Customer

, , , , , | Right | September 4, 2017

(I work at a small local store that specializes in multiple types of gourmet booze [which basically translates to any brand and type you wouldn’t find in a normal grocery store]. One day I get that customer we all know and love: a barely 20-something-year-old with no ID, who can’t understand why we won’t sell any booze to him. He gets verbal, but after my manager steps in and basically tells him to either produce ID or talk to the police, the guy leaves. Fast forward to my shift the next day.)

Customer: “Bottle of [Expensive Brandy] please.”

(I look up and am taken aback to see it’s the same guy again.)

Me: “Do you have your ID this time?”

Customer: “It’s in my car. What do you mean ‘this time’?”

Me: “Sir, we went over this yesterday. If we think you’re underage, we need to see your ID.”

Customer: “…D*** it, I didn’t think you were smart enough to remember me!”

(He storms out and my shift continues without further drama. Fast forward to next weekend and…)

Customer: “Hey, you got any [Same Expensive Brandy] in?”

(Yep, same guy, except this time he’s wearing a hat that’s pulled down low to shadow his face.)

Me: “That depends; do you have your ID with you this time?”

Customer: “I’ve never been in here before!”

Me: “Sir, you spoke to me less than seven days ago.”

Customer: “…you still remember that?”

Me: “It’s hard to forget you when you keep coming in here and trying the same thing, over and over again. Not to mention that, even if I didn’t, the rules aren’t going to change. You want your brandy, you need ID.”

(More cursing and swearing as the guy stormed out again. Later on the store owner got a complaint letter saying he needed to fire the “smart-a**es who keep ruining everyone’s weekend.”)

Carbon-Based Scams

, , , , | Right | August 25, 2017

(My province has recently adopted a carbon tax, which is charged on various types of fuel. It’s built into the cost of items and is not added on at the till the way GST is. A young customer comes to my till with a six pack of beer. My store does not include sales tax and recycling deposit on our price tags, so the price of his beer jumps from $14.95 to $16.34 at the register.)

Customer: “Man, f*** the carbon tax!”

Me: “Why do you say that?”

Customer: “It’s making my beer more expensive! The lady at the last store told me it was because of the carbon tax. Why else would it be sixteen bucks?!”

Me: “We charge the standard 5% GST plus a recycling deposit of 10 cents per can. Also, the carbon tax doesn’t directly impact the price of alcohol; it’s only charged on fuels like gas, diesel, propane…”

Customer: “But the lady at the last store said I had to pay four bucks for the carbon tax!”

Customer’s Friend: “Well then, the lady at the last store screwed you out of four bucks, man!”

Reading Like They Were Born Yesterday

, , , , , , | Working | August 23, 2017

(I’ve just turned 21 and am at our local liquor store near our college, buying my first legal bottle of alcohol.)

Employee: “May I see your ID?”

Me: *dutifully hands over driver’s license and straightens up proudly*

Employee: *stares intently at the license for 10-15 seconds and hands it back*

My Friend: “Aren’t you going to wish him a happy birthday? He’s 21 today!”

Employee: “Oh, no sh**?! Happy birthday?” *grabs my license back* “Where’s the birth date on this thing, anyway?”

Underage Understanding

, , , | Related | August 4, 2017

(When my father was in the Air Force, he would stop by the same liquor store every Friday night to buy a bottle of booze. After two years of this, he had the following conversation.)

Dad: “Give me a bottle of the good stuff! I’m celebrating.”

Clerk: “What are you celebrating?”

Dad: “I just turned twenty-one!”

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