Taking You Out Of The Picture

, , | Right | October 18, 2017

(Our policy is to ID under 40 for all purchases, so I check nearly every customer’s ID.)

Me: “Could I see a piece of photo ID, please?”

Customer: “Uh, I guess so.”

(She shows me her ID through the pocket in her wallet, but the photo is obscured.)

Me: “I’m sorry; could you please take your ID out of your wallet? I can’t see your face.”

Customer: “I really don’t understand why you need to see the photo. You can see the date.”

Me: “Well, the photo helps me verify that the ID belongs to you.”

Customer: “I still don’t understand, but whatever.”

(We finish the transaction and she leaves.)

Coworker: “Did she really just ask why you needed to see the photo on her photo ID?

What An Alco-Hole

, , , , , , | Right | October 12, 2017

(Here in Minnesota we have strict liquor laws concerning selling anything other than 3.2 beer after 10:00 pm. If anyone sells alcohol past that time, both the cashier and the business get a very hefty fine. Imagine my grim surprise when, two minutes after closing, the door opens and a woman rushes in.)

Customer: “I know you’re closed, but I just got off the phone with the woman in charge. She said I could buy alcohol as long as it’s five minutes after.”

Me: “You talked to my boss?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(Thankfully, since my boss is cool, and I work in a small town liquor store, I’m allowed to be rude to fools.)

Me: *laughs* “You heard wrong.”

Customer: “She totally told me that. Where is she?”

Me: “She’s been gone for six hours; it’s just me here. But what is it you wanted?”

Customer: “I told her I was just going to get a pint of [Cognac].”

Me: *laughs even harder* “Ma’am, we’ve been out of [Cognac] for weeks. Well, I do have 1.75L of it left, but if you really need it that bad, it’ll cost $20,046.”

Customer: “What?! Why is it so expensive?!”

Me: “Because of all the fines we’ll receive for selling after ten o’clock, plus a little extra for me so I can find myself a new job after I sell it to you.”

Customer: *getting defensive* “Well, you don’t have to get hostile. I’ll call her back and get you fired, anyway!”

Me: *shrugs* “I wouldn’t hold your breath.”

(She angrily left, and I called my boss. Obviously, she never got a phone call from someone about coming in late. After a bit of speculation and calling around, we discovered that there was a new girl working two miles down the road at a separate liquor store, who answered the call. I saved her a massive fine.)

Yes Over-Age, No Under-Standing

, , , , | Working | October 6, 2017

(It’s legal to purchase alcohol from the age of 18 in the UK. I am at my local liquor store purchasing a few drinks for a party later on that evening. I’m at the counter, which is being manned by a woman I’ve never seen before.)

Cashier: “Can I see your ID, please?”

Me: *hands over ID*

Cashier: “I can’t sell you these.”

Me: “Why not?”

Cashier: “This ID says you were born in 1989. That means you’re too young.”

Me: “It’s 2011.”

Cashier: “…”

Me: “I’m 21.”

Cashier: “No. Because you add twenty and take one. That means you’re too young.”

Me: “I… what?”

Cashier: *shrugging* “Kids today don’t know anything.”

Me: “But, you add twenty? Add twenty to what?”

Cashier: “Right, so 1989 add 10 is 1999, then adding another 10 makes it 2009.”

Me: “And then take one?”

Cashier: “From how old you’d be.”

(I take a second to double check what I’ve just calculated, as I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous in my life.)

Me: “That would make me 18.”

Cashier: “Exactly!”

Me: “And still legally allowed to buy alcohol.”

(The woman stared at me for a second before putting on a strange expression, almost like she had shut down. Eventually the owner appeared after several other customers, upon seeing my ID, tried convincing her that I was in fact 21. He put through my purchase and I left swiftly after. The woman doesn’t work there anymore, but now every till has a small whiteboard next to it with whatever date it was 18 years ago and “CAN BUY ALCOHOL IF BIRTHDAY IS BEFORE:” above it.)

Doesn’t Know Ott He’s Talking About

, , , , , | Right | October 4, 2017

Customer: “Do you have Jim Ott Cabernet?”

Me: “I’ve never heard of that before. Let me check the computer.”

Customer: “How can you not know? I just bought it here last week!”

Me: “Sir, we have over 3000 products, just in the wine department. It would be very difficult to have all of those memorized. Anyway, I can’t find anything called Jim Ott. Are you sure that’s the name?”

Customer: “Of course I’m sure! Jim Ott! OTT! I just bought it last week. It was on special!”

Me: *light-bulb moment* “Sir, do you mean Joel Gott?”

Customer: “Yes, that! That’s what I’ve been saying. Why was that so hard?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir.”

Should Stop Donating Your Advice

, , , , | Right | September 29, 2017

(We are in the building next to a [Major Supermarket Chain] in a small, affluent, seaside town. The supermarket is undergoing renovations which have blocked off the footpath to the other end of town. Our shop has a back door, which means that walking through our shop is now the quickest way to get to the supermarket. My manager has decided to make use of the extra foot-traffic, and has put signs up asking for donations to an oceanic charity.)

Customer: “You should start charging a toll for people who walk through here!”

Me: “Well, we actually have a donation tin for the Dolphin institute, like the big sign says…”

Customer: *expression drops*

(This happens every shift, multiple times. They’ll exit without saying another word to me.)

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