I work for an up-and-coming camera company as a Level 1 tech support agent. I got a customer on the line the other day who began the conversation by letting me know he was an electrical engineer and that he didn’t need to troubleshoot because there was clearly something wrong with his product.

I calmly let him know that I was still required to troubleshoot, as we cannot replace his device without going through the motions. He agreed, though he was clearly irritated. This was his first product and he loudly let me know that he was not impressed at how useless the setup procedure was.

I asked him what the camera was doing, and he said that it was doing absolutely nothing. I had him press the “setup” button, and as he said, nothing happened. I had an inkling of what could be wrong but was baffled by the thought that it could be so simple.

Going through my normal troubleshooting, I had him plug the battery-powered camera into the charger, and wouldn’t you guess, but the camera’s lights all turned on.

I then proceeded to educate this electrical engineer that battery-powered cameras need to be charged in order to set them up.

This, unfortunately, happens at least once a day with someone beginning the conversation with how much technical experience they have, and that is the reason why we have to troubleshoot before replacing.

I work in technical support for a cable company. The customer called in because he wasn’t getting a picture on his tv. I had gone over some basic questions already and I was at the point of checking to make sure he was on the right input or channel. To help determine what the tv needs to be on I ask what kind of tv it is as this will narrow it down. If its sd this would indicate it would need to be on channel 3 or 4 but if its hd then it would be on an input like component or hdmi.

Me: Is this hooked up to a high definition tv?
Customer: No, its just a regular magnavox hd tv.
Me: …so this is a high definition tv?
Customer: Yes.

(My dad has worked for about ten years in tech support for several companies. He is currently working at a company that sets up Internet routers. He’s taking customer calls.) 

Dad: “[Company], this is [Dad]; what can I do for you?”

Secretary: “Our Internet isn’t working.”

Dad: *gets router number and begins asking questions* “All right, are all of the lights on the box on? Are any blinking?”

Secretary: “There aren’t any lights on.” 

Dad: “Have you made sure that the box is plugged in?” 

Secretary: “Yes, it’s plugged in.” 

Dad: “Okay, let’s try resetting it. Go ahead and hold the power button down.”

Secretary: “There isn’t a power button on this box.”

Dad: “There should be a large blue button under the lid.” 

Secretary: “I can’t open the lid; it’s nailed closed.”

Dad: “It’s nailed closed?”

Secretary: “Yeah, the nail is holding it closed. I can’t open it. Can you just send someone to fix it?”

(My dad didn’t know what more to do, so he sent someone to look at the box. When they got to the office, they found that the box was not plugged in, but that wasn’t the biggest problem. It wasn’t plugged in because they had placed it too high on the wall to reach the outlet. It was nailed onto the wall; that is, there was a giant building nail going straight through the center of the router. Whoever managed this office decided the router was getting in the way so they nailed it to the wall. My dad is very happy not to work in tech support any longer.)

We sell subscription based software, and while the customer is subscribed we provide technical support. Manning the desk one day when we get an email from a long time customer

Customer (via email): hey there. The [software] system is running really slow today. Can you do something?

Me (via email): of course, if you can go to the code below I will connect and see what we can do [url provided]

I connect to the machine, call the user and go through various areas of the system…

Me: OK. This seems to be running at a normal speed for me. Does [software] usually run faster than this?

Customer: Not really…

(When answering calls at a major call center for tech support, we often get calls from customers wanting to speak to the same technician they have spoken too before.)

Me: “Thank you for calling XYZ. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I was just speaking to John. Can I speak to him again?”

Me: “Which John? We have a lot of Johns here.”

(Silence followed by embarrassed laughter.)

Me: “Let me rephrase that. We have a lot of men named John here.”

(Customer laughs.)

Customer: “Oh good. I was surprised.”