(I work at a help desk for a hotel management software.)
Receptionist: “The software isn’t working.”
Me: “What’s wrong?”
Receptionist: “I’m trying to change the departure date, but it doesn’t let me do it.”
Me: “What date are you trying to set?”
Receptionist: “February 30.”
Me: “Try with February 28.”
Receptionist: “Oh, now it’s working. Why is there a problem with February 30?”
Me: “…”
(I work in a portrait studio and am going to upload a customer’s pictures from a memory card after finishing the session. I get an error message that says, “card cannot be used,” which I’ve never seen before, so I call our help desk. He asks a couple questions and runs few a couple of quick things that don’t work.)
Help Desk Tech: “Okay, let’s do it this way. Go ahead and format the memory card.”
Me: “What? Format the memory card?”
(I am terrified to do this because it will erase all the images I just finished taking of a large group.)
Help Desk Tech: “Yeah.”
Me: “No.”
Help Desk Tech: “No?”
Me: *firmly* “No.”
Help Desk Tech: “Why not?”
Me: “I’m trying to retrieve the images, not delete them!”
Help Desk Tech: “It’s fine. I can still get them after you format it.”
Me: “No.”
Help Desk Tech: “It will be okay.”
Me: “What’s your name?”
Help Desk Tech: “[Help Desk Tech].”
Me: “Well, [Help Desk Tech], if I am going to go against my better judgement and format this memory card I need you to promise me that I won’t delete these pictures.”
Help Desk Tech: “It should be fine.”
Me: “Should be isn’t good enough! I need you to promise me.”
Help Desk Tech: “I promise. Go ahead and format it. I’ll help you through this. We can do it together.”
(I can tell he’s teasing me, but I take a deep breath and format the memory card. He proceeds to remotely access my computer and retrieve the images from the card.)
Me: “You did it!”
Help Desk Tech: “I’m glad. I was totally lying when I promised before.”
Me: “[Help Desk Tech]!”
Help Desk Tech: “Just kidding.”
Me: “Thank you so much!” *to my customer who has been waiting for her pictures* “He did it! My new best friend [Help Desk Tech] did it!”
([Help Desk Tech] is my buddy now. I’m always glad when I call the help desk and it’s him. The customer loved her pictures and tipped me $30.)
(I work as an IT technician for my college during the summer, and they are in the process of upgrading their phone system. I have replaced a certain older professor’s phone the previous day and left both a full manual of how to use the phone as well as a more condensed “how-to” pamphlet. Mind you, the phone is not difficult to use and works exactly like any other office phone. The professor in question calls the help desk.)
Me: “Hello, IT help desk. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”
Professor: “Yeah, I need to know how to use the new phone.”
(I am confused, as he is calling on that very phone.)
Me: “Is there a certain feature you’re not sure of how to use?”
Professor: “I just need to know how to make calls on it.”
(I am very confused now.)
Me: “It should work just like your old phone, just pick up the handset and start dialing. You can check your voicemail by pushing the button that looks like an envelope.”
Professor: “Why are we changing them, anyway?”
Me: “Our old system is really outdated and is costing us a lot to maintain.”
Professor: “Well, who is paying for all these new phones?”
Me: “I’m not sure of what part of the budget it’s coming out of, but it will actually save us money in the long-run.”
Professor: “Well, we’re all dead in the long-run.”
Me: *speechless for the next full 30 seconds* “Umm, yep… Is there anything else you need?”
Professor: “Nope, bye.”
Me: “Have a nice day.”
(I receive an email from my supervisor:)
Supervisor: “We understand that the computer systems are being laggy and slow. Please send me a screenshot so that I can submit a ticket to IT.”
(I forward the email to my husband, who works in the same company, so that he can see the idiocy.)
Husband: *walks over to [Supervisor]* “Really, [Supervisor]?”
Supervisor: “I know it’s dumb, but IT requested it.”
(And there you have it. The IT department of a monolithic Fortune 500 company requested a static image of a computer program being slow.)
Me: “You’ll want to update your app to alleviate the issue.”
Customer: “How do I do that?”
Me: “Just head to the app store and search for [App].”
Customer: “I’m sorry; I simply don’t have time to drive to the app store today.”
