Dropped The Call On That One

, , , , | Right | January 15, 2018

(I do tech support for a small telephone company. At the start of every call, we ask for the customer’s name and phone number. The calls are usually routed to us through the business office, so the number that shows up on the caller ID doesn’t help identify the customer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] Telecom. My name is [My Name]. Can I get your name and a good phone number to call you back on, in case we get disconnected?”

Caller: “Hi, yes, thanks. I — oh, hang on, I’ve got a call coming in on my cell.” *thirty seconds of rustling, distant voices, etc.* “Okay, never mind. Anyway, sorry. I’m having trouble with my phone service.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, but I’d be happy to help! Can I—”

Caller: “It will drop out randomly. I’ll just be talking, and then it will disconnect out of the blue.”

Me: “I understand. Is there a—”

Caller: “It’s been happening for a couple of weeks now, but this is the first I called because I’ve been busy.”

Me: “No problem! Let me get a good—”

Caller: “Are you the right person to help with this? I really want to get it fixed.”

Me: “I can absolutely help, but first, can I ask—” *click*

Good Thing You Didn’t Tell Them It Had A Virus

, , , , , , | Right | January 13, 2018

(I am working a slow shift at a tech repair shop in my hometown, when an angry woman marches in with a laptop.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am. How can I h—”

Customer: “Listen to me, kid!” *she opens the laptop to reveal a blackened screen with a good portion of it burned completely* “I’ve had this computer for a year, and nothing’s gone wrong. Today, the screen went blue and it wouldn’t let me keep shopping! My son said it was frozen, so I tried to thaw it out, but it just got f***** up! Fix it, d*** it!”

Me: “Ma’am… Did… Did you put an open flame on the screen?”

Customer: “Well, duh! I put it on the stove to thaw it out faster. What do you think, I’m stupid or something?”

Technically Speaking, You’re A Jerk

, , , , , , | Right | January 12, 2018

(I work for a cable company in their Internet repair team. When your Internet breaks, I’m the one you call. This customer in particular claims she has called six times in the past week; reading through the memos on her account, it has only been three times. Regardless, she starts the call with an attitude.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *obviously elderly* “What is your name, your employee ID, and where are you located?”

Me: “I’m [My Name], located in Louisville, Kentucky, and my ID is [ID number].”

Customer: “Well, I don’t even know what you think you can do. My Internet is down again, and I just had four technicians out this week!” *she has not*

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am, but I’d be very happy to assist you in getting your Internet back up and running.”

Customer: “Well, I doubt you can, but my information is [Name, Address, security code, and phone number].”

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. I’ll be happy to look this up.”

(I pause while I look through her information. I realize that when she was given a new modem the tech didn’t put it in the system that makes it work.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, I see the issue here; it seems that your technician didn’t—”

Customer: “MY TECHNICIAN DID EVERYTHING HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO! I WATCHED IT WITH MY OWN EYES!”

Me: *holding headset off of my ears* “Ma’am, maybe it was a mistake—”

Customer: “THERE IS NO MISTAKE! I KNOW THE TECHNICIANS AROUND HERE! THEY WOULD NEVER MAKE A MISTAKE!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s possible that he didn’t—”

Customer: *continues ranting about how she knows all about everything Internet*

Me: “Ma’am, I have told you quite a few times now exactly what I am seeing in front of me—”

(The customer interrupts me again, ranting and raving about how she knows everything about my job. I have given up at this point and just proceed to fix the problem without trying to explain what is wrong anymore.)

Me: “Ma’am, can you restart your computer for me, please?”

Customer: *shuts up finally* “Okay, it’s restarting.”

Me: *waits for her computer to come back up* “Okay. Can you open your browser, please?”

Customer: “Oh, look! I have Internet connection! How did you do that?”

Me: “Ma’am, that provisioning issue I tried to tell you about? I fixed it, and now you’re connected. If you have no further questions for me, thank you for calling [Cable Company]. Please remain on the line for a brief survey.”

(I have never been happier to hang up and go to break, which she also made me 15 minutes late for.)

Should Have Screened This Call

, , , | Working | January 6, 2018

User: “Hi, this morning I called because my computer wasn’t working.”

Me: “Yes, I went to your workstation and swapped out the faulty screen. Is the new one working for you now?”

User: “Yes, everything’s working fine, but…”

Me: “Yes?”

User: “I was wondering when I’m going to get the old screen back. I didn’t really need a whole replacement screen; I just wanted that one to be fixed.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I wasn’t clear. The screen I took out is completely dead; it’s not powering on or responding to signal at all. Since these particular screens have no accessible configuration settings and no replaceable parts, the chances that we’ll be able to repair it are very low, and it would probably cost more to have replacement components sent to us than to buy a new unit. Swapping it out for a replacement of the same model is a much faster option.”

User: “Oh, well… Did you try turning it off and turning it back on again?”

(How the tables have turned.)

Installing Joint Operating Systems

, , , , , | Right | January 5, 2018

(I work all over the state installing windows. I’m talking to my coworker as I am approaching a customer’s house.)

Coworker: “On the porch there’s a half-smoked joint. I ain’t kidding.”

Me: “No, these people are way too uptight for sure to smoke pot; maybe the house we did yesterday, but not this one.”

(I walk into the house to inform the homeowner that we are about to start working in this room and the homeowner has a giant blunt in his hand with at least three grams of pot on the table.)

Me: “Um, sir, we are about to start working in this room. You may want to leave.”

Homeowner: “Haha, nah, I’m good. *takes hit off of blunt* “Reeeeaaallllyyyyy gooooooood.” *falls out of chair and laughs for a good twenty minutes on the floor*

Coworker: *to me* “Told you.”

Page 1/13912345...Last
Next »