Unfiltered Story #191491

, , | Unfiltered | April 5, 2020

(An organization outsources their IT to my company. The users tend not to be terribly technologically savvy. I have so many stories; here’s one.)
Customer: “I’m trying to change my voicemail passcode but it won’t let me!”
Me: “What happens when you try to change it?”
Customer: “I follow the instructions, then I enter 4-2-8 but it won’t accept the code!”
Me: “When do you enter 4-2-8?”
Customer: “When it tells me to! It says ‘Enter 4-2-8 numbers for your new passcode.'”
Me: *trying not to crack up* “…That means the code has to be between four and eight digits long.”
Customer: *mouth drops as it slowly dawns on him* “Oh my god…”

Misunderstanding Of A Technical Support Wizard

, , , , , , | Right | April 1, 2020

(I work for a company that produces, among other software, a word processor. A customer calls in, sounding frantic.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Software Company] technical support. My name is [My Name]. Can I have your case number?”

(The customer is very stressed and barely restraining himself.)

Customer: “SRX…”

(I check that I have the right customer.)

Me: “I’ll be happy to help you. What is the issue?”

Customer: “My word processor is not loading up, and I have to give this report to my boss in ten minutes! I demand that you repair your f****** software before that!”

Me: “Sir, I cannot promise any time frame but I will certainly work as fast–”

Customer: “NO! I NEED THIS FIXED IN NOW NINE MINUTES!”

(I stand my ground, as I’m going to be fired if I commit to a specific time frame. After two more minutes of pointless arguing…)

Me: “ABRACADABRA HOCUS POCUS SHAZAM!”

Customer: “What the f***?”

Me: “Is it fixed?”

Customer: “You think you’re funny? Of course not!”

Me: “Sir, I tried the magic way and it doesn’t seem to work. How about you let me work at it as fast as I can?”

Customer: “FINE!”

(Two minutes later, the problem was fixed and he was happily printing.)

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Have You Tried Turning It Off And On Again?

, , , , | Working | March 27, 2020

(I am trying to sign up for training courses using our county portal. Chrome is failing me and showing me error messages. I resign myself to using Internet Explorer, but it isn’t working, either! After about an hour of trying various methods to make the page work, I email our tech support who has a desk a few rooms over.)

Snarky IT: *walks to my desk* “What did you do?”

Me: “Nothing! It’s giving me error messages and I can’t sign up for anything.”

Snarky IT: “You broke it.”

Me:You installed Chrome; it’s your fault!”

(He opens up Internet Explorer, and the traitorous website miraculously begins to work.)

Snarky IT: “What is wrong with you?”

Me: “I swear it wasn’t working two minutes ago.”

Snarky IT: “It’s working now.”

Me: “Can you stay while I sign up and make sure it stays working?”

Snarky IT: *while leaving* “NO!”

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Internet Snark Provider

, , , , , | Right | March 26, 2020

(It is the early days of the Internet. The Internet provider for which I work is fairly small and only provides dial-up service. Customers have the option of telnetting into a shell account to connect. We also provide Internet service for a couple of local Internet cafes.)

Me: “Welcome to [ISP]. May I help you?”

Cafe Owner: “Hi, this is [Cafe Owner] at [Internet Cafe]. I have a customer who has an account with you and needs help getting into their shell account.”

Me: “Sure, just put them on the line.”

Customer: “Hi, can you help me?”

Me: “No problem.”

(I walk her through the not-too-complicated steps of opening a telnet session and signing in. This takes quite a while, as the customer isn’t familiar with the process at all.)

Me: “And now you’ll enter your username.”

Customer: “I don’t know what that is.”

Me: “Uh. Okay, well, it’s often the first initial and last name.” 

Customer: “All right.”

Me: “And then the password.”

Customer: “It’s not working.”

Me: “Are you sure you entered the password correctly?”

Customer: “Yeah. Oh, I know what it is. My account is at [Rival ISP].”

Me: “Sure. Uh, I’m not familiar with their information, but try [Rival ISP] dot net for the host?” *total stab in the dark*

Customer: “Oh, that worked. Great! Thank you so much!”

Me: “No problem, I’m glad to help. In the future, though, you might want to consider calling [Rival ISP] when you need help? They’re your provider and will have all the information you need.”

Customer: “WHAT?!”

(The customer abruptly flipped out on me, yelling and cursing, even though I had been nothing but polite throughout the whole transaction, and so had she, up until then. I had to put my manager on the phone, and he told her that she should have called her ISP in the first place!)

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Unfiltered Story #190863

, | Unfiltered | March 26, 2020

I’m a tech support guy remotely assisting a user with a Quickbooks activation prompt appearing on her screen

Customer complained about Quickbooks popping an activation error message.
I chat with the user to refer their email for the activation key, and fill up the activation text fields accordingly.
User opened up Outlook, found the email, proceeds to PRINT THAT EMAIL.
Then with paper in hand, proceeds to TYPE OUT the license key field one by one.
ON THE SAME PC.
#facepalm