(I’m in an internship in Laptop Repair and Assistance in my high school. We usually refer to the students that need their laptop fixed as just students.)
Me: *goes into my manager’s office for a question* “Hey, I was examining my client’s laptop when I saw—”
Manager: *surprised* Wait, wait, wait… Did… Did you just refer to a student as a client?”
Me: “Well, yeah…”
Manager: “I am so proud of you…”
(A customer has a bad signal issue that we have to dispatch a technician for during a busy part of the year.)
Me: “We have an opening in two days.”
Customer: “Two days?! No cable for two days? Well, who’s gonna watch my kids?!”
Me: “Hey, [IT Guy], I had to change my password to log onto my computer yesterday, and, like an idiot, I forgot what I changed it to today, and I am locked out. Can you fix it for me?”
IT Guy: “Sure.”
(Twenty minutes later…)
Me: “So… how’s it going?”
IT Guy: “Oh, yeah, I sent you an email.”
Me: “…My email is on my computer. The computer I am currently locked out of.”
(I have been experiencing Internet outages all day, and once a snow storm hits, there is nothing. I call to double check if there are any other problems in the area.)
Tech: “Thank you for calling [Service Provider]. This is [Tech]. How may I help you?”
Me: “My Internet is out, and I was wondering if there were any outages in the area.”
Tech: “I can certainly check that for you. Give me a moment…” *brief pause* “It seems there are only a handful of people who are without connection, so I don’t think it is an area issue. What is the modem doing?”
Me: “Well, it’s odd. All the lights are on as if it were working, but I definitely can’t access any websites.”
Tech: “Okay. Just a few questions for you to determine this isn’t the router. Do you have any baby monitoring devices in the house?”
Me: “No.”
Tech: “Do you have any new remote devices at all?”
Me: “No.”
Tech: “Is your home built on top of an ancient Indian burial ground?”
Me: *giving my fiancé a twisted face and giggling* “No.”
Tech: “Okay, then. I’m going to ask you to unplug the router from the modem so I may check the connection on our end.” *gives me instructions* “And don’t forget to stand on one leg while holding a rubber chicken. Most people forget that.”
(We go through a few more steps, the results of which are baffling him, because his system says there’s no connection, but my equipment says otherwise.)
Tech: “I knew it… you didn’t hold the rubber chicken.” *sigh* “Nobody ever listens.”
Me: *trying not to lose it, I giggle more* “You sure there aren’t any other outages? The storm outside is pretty bad.”
(A short conversation reveals he is in Louisiana and had no idea there was a storm.)
Tech: “Even though the storm may have something to do with it, I’m not ruling out the possibility of an ancient burial ground. However, I am going to recommend we replace your modem.”
(We set up an appointment for the next day.)
Tech: “I would like to thank you for calling [Service Provider], and for being patient with both the troubleshooting and my sense of humor. Have a good night.”
(I stay on the line to wait for the automated survey to give him an excellent review. I hang up and finally let my laughter go. Both my fiancé and roommate look confused. I tell them about the conversation.)
Fiancé: “I would have liked to hear his reaction if you told him you held a rubber duck instead.”
(It is 1998, and I have one caller who can’t get his CD-ROM to read discs. The drive has already been replaced on a previous call, so I know it isn’t the hardware. I spend over an hour with the user on the phone trying different CDs, reseating cables, uninstalling and reinstalling drivers, checking the registry for bugs, and anything else I can think of. The caller is an elderly gentleman, so every step takes twice as long as usual to explain and have him complete. Finally, I am at my wit’s end.)
Me: “Okay, let’s go ahead and put the disc in one last time.”
Caller: “Okay. Wait, it goes in label-side down, right?”
