They Know How To Push Your Buttons Even When They’re Not Pushing Any

, , , | Right | January 13, 2019

(A client calls in reporting issues with his laptop. After several minutes of trying to get their laptop online, and him just repeating “I’m trying what you said but it’s not doing anything.”)

Me: “Okay, sir, please reboot your computer.”

Client: “How do I reboot?”

Me: “With the Start menu, then Restart.”

Client: “Where’s the start thing?”

Me: “The same thing you pressed to get to the Control Panel options.”

Client: “I’m not sure what you mean… I haven’t pressed anything… I wasn’t sure what you were asking me to do… ”

(And people wonder why computer techs seem anti-social sometimes.)

Really Gunning For That TV

, , , , | Right | January 13, 2019

(Over the summer I worked for [Satellite Company] as an intern. My tech trainer and I are currently at a customer’s home. Most customers are nice and quiet so we finish quickly, but at this house, we’ve been there for two hours. The customer, an older gentleman, is a hoarder, resulting in me having to climb over various things to work on his TV and cable box. I’m currently talking to him casually.)

Customer: “Sorry about the mess. I know it’s bad but I don’t have the time to get around to it.”

Me: “It’s fine, man. Trust me, we’ve been to places that were a lot worse.”

Customer: “Yeah, just want to show my daughter what a mess she left her father in when I’m dead and she comes back to get the rest of her s***.”

(Our whole conversation prior was basically his life story.)

Me: “I hear ya; that’s terrible.”

Customer: “The TV’s the only thing that keeps me going now. If that was gone I’d probably just end it here.”

(He pulls out a pistol under the recliner he’s sitting on as he’s saying this and starts pointing it at various places including me. My trainer’s been outside the entire time working on the satellite dish.)

Me: *about to have a panic attack but manage to stay calm on the outside* “Well, then, I guess we better get you set up nice!”

(We finally finish at the customer’s house and get in the van. I turn to my trainer.)

Me: “[Trainer], please, for the love of god, get us the f*** out of here.”

Tech: “That bad?”

Me: “Dude.”

(I then explained the story to him. We both laughed, and eventually my anxiety went back to being manageable. The job was fantastic and most customers were fantastic but this customer was seriously terrifying.)

A Functional Warning

, , , , , , | Working | January 13, 2019

The main point-of-sale server is down with corrupted files, and a dozen and a half stores are offline. We’re on the phone with tech support for a while, and they determine that the most likely fix is a restore from backup tapes, a four-hour process. But there’s a special function that might rebuild the corrupted files. Maybe. If it doesn’t, well, we’ll have to do a restore from backup. But that’s the only other alternative, so we’ll give it a go.

We’re used to this system having some very dangerous functions that let you really screw yourself over, and undocumented flags that have to be set before they’ll actually run. And that is the case for this function, too. We have to go into a special administrative panel to get to it at all, and know what to type in. There are options to be set for it to do its thing, and an undocumented flag to get it to actually run. And then, at the end, we hit Run, and one last warning comes up:

“We recommend that you do not run this function, even if we told you to.”

It does fix the problem in a matter of a few minutes.

Just Plain Jane

, , , , | Right | January 10, 2019

(I am working at an international call center, which, though located in the middle of continental Europe, mostly receives calls from various places on the British Isles. Names in the story have been changed.)

Me: “Hello. My name’s Charlie; how can I help you?”

Caller: “What? You’re a woman!”

Me: “Yes, how can I help you, sir?”

Caller: “What was your name again?”

Me: “Charlie. Oh, I get the confusion. It’s short for Charlotte, sir.”

Caller: “That’s a man’s name! You’re a woman! You’re lying to me!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir. Now, how can I help you?”

Caller: “This is ridiculous! You’re trying to be a man. I demand to speak to your manager!”

(I sigh, but I ask the guy to wait while I go to get my supervisor. She has a very low voice that still sounds female in real life, but over the phone, it can sometimes sound a bit masculine. I’m sure everyone can see where this is going. I only hear the following because the guy is so loud it bleeds out of the headset.)

Supervisor: “Hello, sir, I’m the supervisor. My name’s Jane. How can I–“

Caller: “What is this?!”

Supervisor: “Sorry?”

Caller: “Where the f*** did I call?! You’re all liars!”

Supervisor: “I’m not sure I follow.”

Caller: “You’re a man!”

Supervisor: “Sir, my name’s Jane, and I’m the supervisor you asked for. How can I–“

Caller: “You are all f***** up! What is this bulls***!?”

Supervisor: “Sir, if you insult me or any employee one more time, I have to inform you that according to policy, I am allowed to hang up on you.”

Caller: “Shut the f*** up, you [gay slur]!”

(The supervisor hangs up, rolling her eyes, and summarizes him thusly:)

Supervisor: “Well, here’s one for the training team…”

File This One Under “Extra Stupid”

, , , , | Right | January 7, 2019

(I work tech support for a software company that provides digital signing services. We often send customer’s documents to their email addresses, as they often accidentally delete or lose the documents. My coworker recently got off the phone with someone and they sounded upset. A moment later, the phone rings again, and I take the call.)

Customer: “Hi. I need you to send me this document again. [Coworker] sent it to me, and it’s all wrong. Send it again, please.”

(I look into the customer’s account, find the document, and check it over. It looks completely normal to me, so I send it to her email again.)

Customer:No! This is all wrong. I just want the document, not all this other stuff!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure I’m following. What do you mean by ‘other stuff’?”

Customer: “ALL THIS OTHER STUFF! ON THE SIDES IT SAYS, ‘FILE,’ AND, ‘EDIT,’ AND ALL THESE OTHER THINGS! I JUST WANT THE DOCUMENT, BY ITSELF. PLEASE SEND IT OVER BY ITSELF!”

Me: “Ma’am, I only sent you the one document; are you referring to the buttons around the sides of the document, with options for what to do with it?”

Customer: “Yes! I don’t want all these buttons; I only want the document.”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but that is completely normal. Your computer has to use a program to open the document. It sounds like you are using [Very Common PDF Viewing Program]. Those buttons are standard. I cannot remove them.”

Customer: “It never did that before! I don’t want my client to be able to edit the document.”

(This went on for a while, and eventually she got the drift. She was pretty nice, just extremely confused.)

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