The Wireless Age Completely Passed Them By

, , , , | Right | November 18, 2017

(I work in a call center helping customers with networking equipment such as routers, range extenders, access points, and more.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] support. What is the product you’re calling about today?”

Customer: “I just want to say, first off, that your products are terrible. I have been trying to set up this stupid extender for six hours now, and I am not a stupid person. I have worked as a technician for 16 years, and I know what I’m doing, but I can’t get this thing to work.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear you’re having difficulties, sir. I am more than happy to assist you with your setup. First, may I have the model number for your product?”

Customer: “It’s a RAAAANGE EXTEEEEENDER! I already told you this!”

Me: “Yes, I understand, sir, but we have several different models, and I need a unique model number so I know which product you are working with.”

Customer: *groaning sounds* “Fine. It’s [model number].”

Me: “Okay. How far into the setup have you gotten, and what kind of errors are you running into?”

Customer: “I can’t get to the stupid website I need to get to for the setup.”

Me: “Okay, so, you’re having difficulties getting to the networking dashboard. What type of device are you using for the setup?”

Customer: “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Me: “Are you using a smartphone, tablet, or computer to access the dashboard?”

Customer: “Computer.”

Me: “Okay, and are you able to see the [device] network and connect to it?”

Customer: “Well, how do I do that?”

Me: *pause* “Pull up your list of available networks on your computer, look for [Network], and then hit, ‘Connect.’ If you can’t see that network just let me know.”

Customer: “How do I pull up a list of networks? This really shouldn’t be such a complicated setup! I have been a technician for 16 years, and I know what I’m doing! I have worked with networking equipment before! Your products are too complicated!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir. Does this computer have Wi-Fi capabilities? Or does it only connect by Ethernet?”

Customer: “Wi-Fi? What’s Ethernet? Look, this is getting ridiculous. I should be able to plug this in and it should just work. I am not stupid, so I know what I’m doing.”

Me: “I never said you were stupid, sir. It needs to be configured to your home network in order to work. The dashboard is built into the device’s IP address, and you need to be connected to the network in order to get to the dashboard. How do you normally connect to a network to get your Internet service on this computer?”

Customer: “I click on the ‘E’ at the bottom of my screen.”

Me: *trying to think of the best way to dumb this down for the customer* “Okay, sir, that is your web browser. Sounds like you use [Browser #1] or [Browser #2]. In order for your Internet to work, your computer needs to be connected to a network.” *attempts to walk customer through how to connect*

Customer: “This is the most ridiculous thing ever. I am not stupid! I have never had so much trouble setting up a product in my life, and I’ve been a technician for 16 years! I am not a stupid person, and I know what I’m doing! This is too complicated. I’m about to throw this thing out a window. You know what? Just forget it! I am returning this stupid piece of crap and getting something that isn’t so complicated from one of your competitors!” *click*

Technology Is Taking A Turn

, , , , , | Learning | November 18, 2017

I’ve worked at various IT support desks throughout the years and they’re always good for amusement. One day I get called in to fix a computer. Given I can’t reach the thing remotely, I walk over there.

I’m greeted by someone giving a course on reanimation to about a dozen students. She points me to the malfunctioning machine, giving no other info than “it’s broken,” and tells me she’ll continue while I work.

Given the PC has been turned off, I turn it on, fully expecting to see an error screen of some sort.

Nothing comes up, and while I ponder this conundrum, the teacher apparently notices the PC is on, and says, “Ah, you fixed it?”

Before I can help myself, I blurt out that I just turned it on, much to her chagrin and to the amusement of the students.

Making Wi-Fries With That Potato

, , , , | Working | November 16, 2017

(My friend has been planning to quit for a while, and decides to go out in style.)

Friend: “[Company IT Department], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi there. My router has been having issues and my Wi-Fi isn’t working.”

(After discussing this for a few minutes, my friend figures out that it’s a simple problem; however, after trying to fix it, the customer is being difficult, so he decides to have some fun.)

Friend: “Okay, I think I know how to fix the problem, but you have to follow what I say to the letter. First, I need you to get a knife and a potato.”

Customer: “Umm, okay.” *leaves for a minute* “Okay, got it.”

Friend: “Now cut the potato in half.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Friend: “And rub each half on either side of the router.”

(To my friend’s disbelief, the customer actually did that for several minutes; however, management was listening in and my friend was soon fired, all according to plan.)

Best To Just Keep It All Closed Down

, , , , , | Right | November 10, 2017

(I’m telling on myself here. I am having some trouble with [Video Chat Client] and finally have to resort to tech support of the chat variety, through my browser.)

Tech Guy: “Hello! Welcome to [Video Chat Client] technical support! My name is [Tech Guy]. How can I help you?”

Me: “Hi! I’ve been having some trouble with my group chats; I can’t send or receive messages.”

Tech Guy: “Okay, we’ll have to do some troubleshooting. Is it all right if I remotely connect to your computer to better help you?”

Me: “If it’ll help, sure.”

Tech Guy: “Great! So, just close any personal things and everything on your desktop, and then click the following link.”

(I promptly quit everything on my desktop, including the browser, through which I had been talking to [Tech Guy]. I realized a second later when the chat window suddenly closed what I had done, but it was far too late. I had to get back in line and start all over again with a new tech agent. Obviously, I don’t know how [Tech Guy] reacted, but I like to think his reaction was something along the lines of, “huh?”)

Terror-Bytes

, , | Right | November 9, 2017

Me: “Technical support, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I was wondering if my Internet router could be broken.”

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Well, I was wondering if it was possible that my router had started leaking.”

Me: “Leaking? What do you mean?”

Customer: “Well, someone told me that when the routers get old, they could start leaking gigabytes, and that it was really unhealthy for us.”

Me: “No, ma’am. That is not possible.”

Customer: “But someone told me that it could happen when the router gets old.”

Me: “No, ma’am, your router is fine. You don’t have to worry about your router leaking gigabytes.”

Customer: “Well, all right. Thank you.”

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