Technology Is Taking A Turn

, , , , , | Learning | November 18, 2017

I’ve worked at various IT support desks throughout the years and they’re always good for amusement. One day I get called in to fix a computer. Given I can’t reach the thing remotely, I walk over there.

I’m greeted by someone giving a course on reanimation to about a dozen students. She points me to the malfunctioning machine, giving no other info than “it’s broken,” and tells me she’ll continue while I work.

Given the PC has been turned off, I turn it on, fully expecting to see an error screen of some sort.

Nothing comes up, and while I ponder this conundrum, the teacher apparently notices the PC is on, and says, “Ah, you fixed it?”

Before I can help myself, I blurt out that I just turned it on, much to her chagrin and to the amusement of the students.

Making Wi-Fries With That Potato

, , , , | Working | November 16, 2017

(My friend has been planning to quit for a while, and decides to go out in style.)

Friend: “[Company IT Department], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi there. My router has been having issues and my Wi-Fi isn’t working.”

(After discussing this for a few minutes, my friend figures out that it’s a simple problem; however, after trying to fix it, the customer is being difficult, so he decides to have some fun.)

Friend: “Okay, I think I know how to fix the problem, but you have to follow what I say to the letter. First, I need you to get a knife and a potato.”

Customer: “Umm, okay.” *leaves for a minute* “Okay, got it.”

Friend: “Now cut the potato in half.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Friend: “And rub each half on either side of the router.”

(To my friend’s disbelief, the customer actually did that for several minutes; however, management was listening in and my friend was soon fired, all according to plan.)

Best To Just Keep It All Closed Down

, , , , , | Right | November 10, 2017

(I’m telling on myself here. I am having some trouble with [Video Chat Client] and finally have to resort to tech support of the chat variety, through my browser.)

Tech Guy: “Hello! Welcome to [Video Chat Client] technical support! My name is [Tech Guy]. How can I help you?”

Me: “Hi! I’ve been having some trouble with my group chats; I can’t send or receive messages.”

Tech Guy: “Okay, we’ll have to do some troubleshooting. Is it all right if I remotely connect to your computer to better help you?”

Me: “If it’ll help, sure.”

Tech Guy: “Great! So, just close any personal things and everything on your desktop, and then click the following link.”

(I promptly quit everything on my desktop, including the browser, through which I had been talking to [Tech Guy]. I realized a second later when the chat window suddenly closed what I had done, but it was far too late. I had to get back in line and start all over again with a new tech agent. Obviously, I don’t know how [Tech Guy] reacted, but I like to think his reaction was something along the lines of, “huh?”)

Terror-Bytes

, , | Right | November 9, 2017

Me: “Technical support, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I was wondering if my Internet router could be broken.”

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Well, I was wondering if it was possible that my router had started leaking.”

Me: “Leaking? What do you mean?”

Customer: “Well, someone told me that when the routers get old, they could start leaking gigabytes, and that it was really unhealthy for us.”

Me: “No, ma’am. That is not possible.”

Customer: “But someone told me that it could happen when the router gets old.”

Me: “No, ma’am, your router is fine. You don’t have to worry about your router leaking gigabytes.”

Customer: “Well, all right. Thank you.”

Forgot To Reset Gravity, Too

, , , | Right | November 6, 2017

(This occurs while walking through some troubleshooting steps with an older, friendly customer that uses a tablet.)

Me: “Let’s try a reset! I would like you to press the sleep/wake button and the home button at the same time, and hold these until you see the [Brand] logo.”

Customer: “Okay!”

(I hear loud metal-on-floor and glass-cracking noises after 15 seconds.)

Me: “How did the reset go, sir?”

Customer: “Well. I’ve let go of the buttons like you told me, but now I’ve broken my [Tablet].”

Me: “…”

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