Our chicken place has a deal on the spicy tenders right now.
Customer: “Can I get the tenders but, like… not spicy?”
Me: “I know we’re advertising the spicy tenders right now, but we still sell the plain and mild too.”
Customer: “Oh! Yeah, I want the mild tenders!”
Me: “Sure thing.”
Customer: “Like Jesus!”
Me: “Like… huh?”
Customer: “Tender and mild!”
Me: “Oh… ha. I guess.”
Later, I pass him his tray of food.
Customer: “Yessss! My Jesus nuggets!”
I answer the customer phone.
Me: “Hi, this is [Fast Food] place. How can I help you?”
Caller: “What’s y’all’s number?”
Me: “The… the number you just called?”
Caller: “Yeah, what is it?”
Me: “It’s… uh… it’s [number].”
Caller: “Cool.” *Click.*
I stare at the phone for a moment, shrug, and put it back down, but then it rings again.
Me: “Hi, this is [Fast Food] place. How can I help you?”
It’s the exact same caller.
Caller: “Hi, I wanna put in an order for takeout.”
Me: “Uh… sure thing.”
Caller: “You sound like the person I just spoke to, except they didn’t sound so bright. Y’all shouldn’t put the slow ones on the phone. Anyway, I’ll get a…”
They ordered like normal, totally oblivious to the strange start to the conversation.
I work at a pizza place. On Super Bowl Sunday, a woman calls and orders around eight dozen buffalo wings for a party. She pays for the entire order in advance.
Fifteen minutes later, when the wings are approximately three seconds away from being finished, she calls back.
Customer: “Did you remember to make them vegetarian?”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Customer: “The chicken wings. Did you make them vegetarian?”
Me: “Vegetarian chicken wings aren’t a thing.”
Customer: “Sure they are! I want vegetarian wings!”
Me: “Short of some leap forward in Frankensteinian chicken technology, they’re a logical impossibility.”
Customer: “Then I want my money back! You misled me!”
She did get her money back, but that means the crew had plenty of wings to munch on while we took and made orders and listened to the game.
I work at Chipotle.
Customer: “Can I have the white salsa?”
Me: “Can you point to it?”
Customer: “There, the white salsa.”
Me: “That’s sour cream.”
Customer: *Annoyed now.* “Yeah, the white salsa!”
Next day:
Customer: “Can I get some of that… uh… albino-a** queso?”
Me: *Sigh…*
You’d be surprised how many different names people call sour cream.
I work at a McDonald’s:
Customer: “Can I have a McCafé?”
Me: “Sure, which one would you like?”
Customer: “The McCafé! The brown one on the screen!”
Me: “Oh, that’s a caramel iced frappe.”
Customer: “I don’t want a frappe! I want a McCafé!”
Me: “McCafé wasn’t an actual drink. It’s just the name of our section of coffee and tea drinks, like a latte, cappuccino, etc.”
Customer: “But I don’t want any of those! I want a McCafé!”
Me: *Sigh.* “You want the drink that’s on that poster, right?”
Customer: “Yeah! The McCafé!”
I get her the drink from the poster, the caramel iced frappe. She takes a sip and says:
Customer: “I don’t get it. Every time I ask for a McCafé, I get the same questions and s***, and then the drink don’t even taste the same!”