Cookie Duh

, , , | Right | May 18, 2018

(I work in a small town where we essentially have every big-name fast food restaurant in existence. We constantly get customers coming in and trying to order things from these other restaurants. On this particular day, I am getting food for drive-thru when I hear this encounter on the headset.)

Coworker: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Um, yeah I’d like a cookie dough [Named Ice Cream Mix].”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but we don’t carry cookie dough. We only carry M&M, Oreo, and Reese’s [Our Name Ice Cream Mix].”

Customer: “Well, I want cookie dough.”

(The customer then proceeded to drive off after figuring out we weren’t the right restaurant.)

Unfiltered Story #110965

, , , | Unfiltered | May 18, 2018

(I am working as the closing manager at a popular fast food restaurant this evening, and we have already closed. All the machines either have been or are being taken apart and cleaned, and everything is turned off. I am counting down the final register when I get a call.)

Me: “This is [Restaurant]. What can I do for you?”

Man: “De-liver-EE!”

(He has a strange accent and has pronounced “delivery” with nearly a shriek at the last syllable. It is very odd, but I figure he has called the wrong place, since we don’t do deliveries and never have at any of our locations.)

Me: “You’ve just called [Restaurant]. We—”

Man: “I KNOW! De-liver–EE!”

(It suddenly dawns on me that he might be just a wee bit drunk, high, or both, and that explanations aren’t going to work on him, and he won’t remember anything in the morning, anyway, so…)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re closed now. You’ll have to call back in the morning.”

(I hung up without waiting for a response. He never called back, but to this day, I fondly remember the guy with the accent and high, shrieking voice demanding a “de-liver-EE.”)

A Big Mayo No No, Part 5

, , , , , , | Working | May 17, 2018

(I am running late and don’t have time to make lunch in the morning, so I think I’ll treat myself at a nearby fast food restaurant that has a drive-thru. I pull up to the speaker, and ask for a [chicken sandwich], no mayo.)

Employee: “What mayo was that?”

Me: “No mayo, please.”

Employee: “Hot mayo?”

Me: “No. NO mayonnaise, please. None. No mayo.”

Employee: “So, like, plain?”

Me: “I guess.”

(At the first window, as I pay, I confirm that the sandwich will have all the salad, etc., just no mayo.)

Employee: “Yes, no problem.”

(I’m sceptical. Luckily, there’s nobody immediately behind me when I pull up to the second window to get my food, so I check. Yeah, it’s missing all the salad; it’s literally just a chicken burger in a dry bun. I ask for it to be rectified, and the lady argues with me that I ordered it plain, so it came plain. Eventually a manager comes over,and tells me the same thing. Apparently, it is impossible to order a [chicken sandwich] without mayo but still with the other bits. By now, they’re showing me the ordering system screen, so I can see their predicament. They don’t understand that I don’t care, and all I want is for them to stick their token lettuce, onions, etc., in the thing so I can at least pretend to be vaguely healthy. They go through all the permutations of ordering the [chicken sandwich] until I suggest something.)

Me: “Choose, ‘spicy mayo.’”

(They did it. An option then appeared for “no mayo.” Their system was set up that they had to choose one of the three mayo options — cool, spicy, chilli — to able to remove it. And it took someone who had never seen that system before to work it out.)

A Big Mayo No No, Part 4
A Big Mayo No No, Part 3
A Big Mayo No No, Part 2

I’ve Got A Couple Of Beeping Words I’d Like To Say To You

, , , , , | Right | May 16, 2018

(The customer is trying to pay using PayPass, which means you just tap your credit card to the reader. The machine beeps twice, which means the transaction hasn’t gone through.)

Customer: “It beeped twice; does that mean I was charged twice?”

Me: “No, it means it didn’t go through at all. Try holding the card a bit longer; it will only beep once.”

(The customer taps and takes her card away too fast, and the machine beeps twice.)

Me: “Just hold it there for a second while the machine reads the card, then it will beep once.”

Customer: *taps too fast, machine beeps twice* “It beeped twice! It’s charging me every time it beeps!”

Me: “No, only one long beep means the transaction has been accepted.”

Customer: *holds card to the reader until one beep sounds*

Me: “Would you like your receipt?”

Customer: “Yes! I want to make sure you didn’t charge me six times!”

Getting Themselves Into An Extra Pickle

, , , , | Right | May 14, 2018

(I am working at the drive-thru.)

Customer: “Yes, I want a hamburger with pickles.”

(Our hamburgers already come with pickles; I’ve been working long enough to interpret this as asking for extra pickles.)

Me: “Okay, one hamburger with extra pickles.”

Customer: “No, I want a hamburger with pickles.”

Me: “Oh, so, you mean you want only pickles?”

Customer: “No, I want a hamburger with pickles.”

Me: *pause* “A hamburger with extra pickles.”

(This goes back and forth for a while, until finally the customer yells at me through the headset.)



(I can hear his realization and his passenger’s reaction.)

Customer: “Oh. Then just a regular hamburger.”

(The rest of the transaction went okay.)

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