Bacon Injuries Are So Last Year

, , , | Working | July 18, 2018

(My coworker once got a horrible burn from bacon grease splattering her at work. She’s a good sport, and for a while we joke about her not being allowed to cook bacon. I go and get bacon off the grill while my coworker gets the eggs.)

Coworker: “It’s a good thing you are getting that. You never let me live that down.”

Me: “Huh? Oh, yeah.” *laughs*

Coworker: “You know, it’s been a year tomorrow since I got that accident.”

Me: “A year already? You are not going to make this a yearly thing are you?”

Coworker: “Of course not!”

(Not even an hour later, she slips and falls in the cooler and injures her leg. She gets sent home with her patellar contusion — bruised bone — and I catch her on her way out.)

Me: “I told you not to make it a yearly thing.”

Coworker: “I thought that was just the bacon grease; you didn’t say anything about hurting my leg!”

(Who knows? It might just be a yearly thing.)

Spoon-Fed Corn-Fed

, , , , | Right | July 16, 2018

(I work at a fast food restaurant where customers walk through a line and select ingredients for their meals. Business is extremely fast-paced, and employees are expected to push customers through quickly, while making the options as clear as possible. Every time I list an option, I make sure to point to it, so the customer knows what I’m asking them about quickly.)

Me: “Next up we have our salsas. Would you like mild, medium, or hot?”

(Our mild salsa has chunky tomatoes and is often mistaken for pico de gallo. I don’t bother clarifying the distinction unless I can’t figure out what the customer actually wants.)

Customer: “No salsa.”

Me: “All right, would you like some corn, or some sour cream?”

Customer: “Give me some of that pico.”

(I scoop on some mild salsa.)

Me: “Sure. Did you want some corn or sour cream? Maybe some cheese?”

Customer: “I want some mild, too.”

Me: “Just to be sure, you want this one? The medium one?”

(I point to the medium salsa, which is green. The hot salsa is red.)

Customer: “No, no, the red one.”

Me: “That one’s the spiciest one, is that okay?”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Sure. How about some corn or some sour cream?”

Customer: “No. I want some of the medium sauce.”

Me: “All right, how about some corn, or sour cream?”

Customer: “No. Cheese.”

Me: “Sure, how about some guacamole or lettuce?”

Customer: “I want some of that sour cream.”

Me: “Anything else for you today?”

Customer: “Can I have some corn stuff?”

(The customer has now declined five different things when I offered them, and then asked for each one themselves afterwards, making it take at least twice as long to get them through the line. I have this conversation multiple times a day.)

Sad Panda Should Know Where They Are

, , , , , | Right | July 16, 2018

(The phone rings a couple of minutes after closing.)

Customer: “Hey, are you anywhere near me?”

Me: “I don’t know where you are.”

Customer: *talking to friends in the background* “Where are we?” *to me* “Someplace starting with T…” *relates suburb about five minutes’ drive away*

Me: “Yes, you’re about five minutes away but—”

Customer: *interrupts* “Sweet! What time do you close?”

Me: “Actually, we closed about five minutes ago.”

Customer: “Oh, man! My favourite store is closed! I’m a sad panda.” *click*

Everyone Gets Fired

, , , , , | Working | July 15, 2018

I work at a big fast food chain. A coworker who works the front counter is annoyed by our slower work speed in the back, due one of the deep fryer elements being stuck half out of the oil. They decide to come see why we are slower.

Seeing the lid on the fryer, which is an obvious sign that it has a fault, the coworker decides to turn it on without asking why it is off and covered, and walks away without telling anyone the fryer is now on.

A few minutes pass, and now smoke is seen coming out from under the lid. [Coworker #2] decides to take the lid off to see why. That causes the fryer to burst into flames. Seeing the danger, [Coworker #2] grabs the nearby fire blanket and covers the fire…

…only to see the blanket also catch fire, as it’s out of date and has not been inspected in years. [Coworker #3] sees this happen and grabs the nearby extinguisher for oil fires and empties it all on the flames…

…only to see them still burning, as the extinguisher — like the blanket — is also out of date and has not been inspected in years. [Coworker #3] then grabs another extinguisher and empties it on the flames, with no effect ,due to the same problem as the blanket and first extinguisher.

The fire brigade arrives and finally puts out the fire. In the end, [Coworker #1], who started the whole thing, doesn’t get in any trouble, and the store gets regular checks on all its fire prevention equipment.

Euro-centric

, , , , | Right | July 13, 2018

(I notice a guy apparently harassing a customer and asking for money, so I try to intercede.)

Guy: “Just give me one euro!”

Me: “Excuse me, sir, but you can’t ask for money here.”

Guy: “It’s just one euro; as soon as I get it I’ll go away.” *to the customer* “Give me one euro!”

Me: “Listen, you really can’t do this. He doesn’t even speak your language.”

Guy: “Just one euro! Give me one euro!”

Me: “Okay, that’s enough. I don’t really care if you ask for the euro outside, but you can’t be doing this here.”

Guy: *looks at me, walks away until he’s at the door but just outside of the store, puts his hands over his mouth like a megaphone, and starts yelling at the customer* “GIVE ME ONE EURO!”

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