Some Customers You Have To Bear With

, , , , | Right | August 16, 2017

(The fast food restaurant where I work is located on a busy road with deep woods behind the building. Our dumpsters are located on the edge of our parking lot, closed in with fencing. I am cashing out a woman and her two small children (under five years old), the only customers in the building. My coworker, who had just been running out the trash bins, runs into the building through the side door and SLAMS it behind her, peering over her shoulder.)

Coworker: “[My Name]! There’s a BEAR in the dumpster!”

Me: *forgetting there are children* “Holy s***, no.”

Coworker: “I went to open the fence to the dumpster and a BEAR climbed over the side wall and ran into the woods!”

(My manager grabs the phone in the office to call the police or animal control while my coworker is still peering out towards the woods to see if the bear comes back.)

Me: *turning to the customer and her kids* “Well, ma’am, I’d say you’re going to have to stay in a while. I don’t feel safe letting you out of the building. I’ll get you some sodas, too, for the trouble.”

Woman: “I can’t stay here! My dog is in the car with the windows open. What if she sees the bear and starts barking? The bear could come back and get into the car to get the dog, or the stupid dog might jump out of the car and run after the bear!”

Me: “I… see… Where are you parked?” *hoping she was parked on the front end of the building facing the highway away from the dumpsters*

Woman: “It’s the blue van.” *this is parked on the same side of the building as the dumpsters*

Coworker: “OH, MY GOD, HE’S BACK!”

Me: *internally swearing*

(The woman is absolutely INSISTENT on leaving, so my coworker and I go out with her, my coworker keeping an eye out for the bear once he wandered back into the woods. The woman’s car is parked roughly twenty feet away from the side door, so I grab one child by the hand and she picks up the other, and we get the kids in the car quickly, buckle them up, and my coworker and I wave her off once we run (nearly peeing our pants) back into the building. An hour later my shift ends and I make my way out of the building toward my car. Two cop cars have arrived by that point to make sure that anyone who pulls in stays far away from the dumpsters and the woods and to make sure the bear doesn’t come back. I am parked right up along the dumpsters, so I talk to one of the cops as I got into my car.)

Cop: “Did you call in for the bear?”

Me: “Not me; my manager. I didn’t see the bear myself. Have you?”

Cop: “Yeah, it was a little baby bear.”

Me: “Oh, god, that’s even worse. Who knows what kind of mood Mama Bear is in?!”

Cop: “Yeah, I just had to try to explain that to some crazy woman with two babies. When we pulled in they were walking up the hill with their dog because they went into the woods to take pictures of the baby bear.”

Me: “They– Wait, WHAT?!”

Cop: “Yeah, see, they knew about the bear but when she saw it was a baby bear she said the staff was ‘being ridiculous,’ so she parked again to let her kids see the bear and they went down the hill. My supervisor yelled at her about endangering her children and molesting the wild life and stuff.”

(So to recap: I escorted this woman and her kids to the car, basically volunteering to be HUMAN BEAR BAIT if necessary so her kids could be buckled up and get home safely, and her response was to say “Screw it. I’ll just FEED MY KIDS TO THE BEAR.”)

That’s A Fresh Reason To Complain

, , , , , , | Right | August 16, 2017

(I work overnight at an independently-owned franchise of a very large fast food company that has a reputation for making sandwiches and fries in bulk ahead of time and leaving them in warmers to save time on orders. Many, many customers complain about this and will often resort to claiming allergies to ensure their food is made fresh. However, at my location, we cook everything to order late at night to maintain quality and to prevent food waste. We only have three or four people on this shift but only the drive-thru is open at this time, and we all wear headsets; that way, when an order comes through we can all hear it and we know what to make. Cook times are very similar on food items and are usually only just a few minutes (with only one or two exceptions) so while drive-thru is taking the order someone makes fries while someone else cooks meat, etc. so that everything comes out together and the wait time for the customer really isn’t much longer than if we made everything ahead of time. We get a lot of people like cops, hospital workers, cab drivers, and other people working late who really appreciate being able to get a hot meal late at night and we rarely get complaints.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]! What can I get for you tonight?”

Customer: “Hey! I want three cheeseburgers, no ketchup or onions, one large fry, and a large chocolate milkshake.”

Me: “Okay that’s [repeats order]. No problem! Your total is [total] and I will see you at the first window.”

(He pulls up and starts counting out his money. Someone calls out the time on my headset and says they are getting ready to bring the food back to me.)

Me: “Okay, so that’s [total]. Your food is going to be out in just a minute so I’m going to have you stay at this window.”

Customer: *pulling back his hand with the money in it* “NO.”

Me: *confused* “No?”

Customer: “No. I’m not waiting. I want my food NOW. This is [Fast Food Company]. Why am I waiting?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We make all the food to order at this location but when I said ‘just a minute’ I meant that literally. That wasn’t very clear and I do apologize. You actually have—“ *leaning around the corner to see the timer on the grill* “—45 seconds left.”

Customer: “I didn’t come here for fresh food! You don’t have any just sitting around you can just scrape the toppings off of?”

Me: “Umm…”

(His food was already done by that point so I cashed him out and wished him a good night but I couldn’t believe someone complained that we didn’t have food just sitting around.)

A Varying Sizeable Problem

, , | Right | August 15, 2017

Me: “Okay, sir, would you like your combo small, medium, or large?”

Customer: “I don’t know what that means.”

Me: “It’s for the size of your fries and drink.”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: *narrowing eyes in confusion* “Yes to what, sir?”

Customer: “I want the fries and the drink.”

Me: “Small, medium, or large?”

Customer: *proceeds to yell into the speaker* “NUMBER ONE SINGLE BURGER COMBO MEAL WITH A DIET COKE.”

Me: “Small, medium, or large?”

Customer: *customer’s wife explains to him what I mean by that* “Oh… small.”

The Boss Is An Idiot Every Day Of The Week

, , , | General | August 11, 2017

(This takes place on a Monday.)

Me: “So, how much of this lettuce do you want cut today?”

Manager: “Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.”

Me: “…what?”

Manager: “We cut the lettuce on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.”

Me: “Yes. I know that. How much do you–”

Manager: “Monday, Wednesday, Friday.”

Me: “Yes. How much–”

Manager: “Seriously, [My Name], you should know this by now. Lettuce and tomatoes are Monday, Wednesday, and…?”

Me: “… Friday?”

Manager: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay. But how much?”

Manager: “And onion rings are Tuesday and Thursday.”

Me: “Yes. I’ve got that. But I need to know how much lettuce you want cut today.”

Manager: “…”

Me: “…”

Manager: “Monday. Wednesday. And. Friday.”

Me: “…”

Manager: “…”

Me: “So… half a box?”

Manager: “…and Friday.”

Me: “Okay, [Manager].”

Couldn’t Say It Any Plainer

, , , | Right | August 11, 2017

Customer: “I’d like six plain biscuits.”

(Sometimes people want plain biscuits, but more often than not, they usually want sausage biscuits. So, I repeat:)

Me: “Six PLAIN biscuits?”

Customer: “That this is correct.”

Me: “Six PLAIN biscuits with NOTHING in them?”

(I give the total and ask him to pull forward. I just know he’s going to say this is wrong, so I tell the cashier to be sure to stress the PLAIN and that there is nothing in them. I also tell the presenter to stress this when handing the order out. To my surprise, the customer agrees this is his order. A few minutes later, I answer the phone and it’s his girlfriend complaining we forgot the sausage!)

Me: “He specifically said ‘plain biscuits’ even after asked multiple times. But no problem, we’ll gladly make them sausage biscuits if they bring them back.”

(A few minutes later, a girl brings in six plain biscuits and her boyfriend is complaining how we messed up his order. I apologize and explain.)

Me: “He was asked several times if they were ‘PLAIN biscuits.’”

Customer: *yells at me* “If I ask for a plain hamburger, it still has meat in it!”

Me: “Yes, but if you order a plain bun, it’s just going to be a plain bun… with nothing in it.”

(The girlfriend apologized and thanked us as they left.)

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