This Conversation Was Not Ballin’ After The Third Time

, , , , , | Right | October 10, 2019

(We get a lot of families with kids that just want to look at the animals. Sometimes the parents can be a bit clueless when it comes to anything other than a dog or a cat, so I have to have this conversation every couple of months. It’s important to note that my store only sells male small animals: guinea pigs, hamsters, etc.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I think this hamster is having a baby.”

(I go to look because, even though it’s very rare, our supplier sometimes sends a female by mistake.)

Me: “It’s not having a baby.”

Customer: “Then it’s got a massive tumor! Something’s wrong with it!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a male hamster, and that’s not a tumor. Those are testicles.”

(They usually get really quiet after that.)

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Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 2

, , , | Right | October 10, 2019

(I am female and I work at a major home improvement store in the paint department. My manager is mixing paint for a male guest as a lady approaches the desk.)

Customer: *carrying two adhesives* “So, I need an adhesive that will work for [project].” *holds out items to me while looking at male guest* “Are these what I want?”

Me: “Yes, that will work perfectly for [project].”

Customer: *doesn’t respond but continues to stare at male guest*

Male Guest: *looks at me then back at the lady, then nods his head uncomfortably in agreement with me*

Customer: *returns attention to me* “Thanks, I guess.” *walks away*

Manager: “Did she really just ask the male guest whether or not [adhesive] will work instead of asking you?”

Me: “Yep! Welcome to being a young female in home improvement!”

Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries

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Trying To Make A Change Is Cents-less

, , , , , , | Right | October 10, 2019

(In Australia, we have 5-, 10-, 20-, and 50-cent coins, as well as $1 and $2 coins. It’s worth noting that 10 cent and $1 coins are roughly the same size, while $2 coins are noticeably smaller and 20 cent coins are noticeably larger. Cent coins are silver, while dollar coins are gold. A customer is paying for her groceries. She has handed me her cash and starts fishing around in her coin purse for the remaining 40 cents.)

Customer: “Hang on; I’ll give you the 40 cents.”

(She hands me two $1 coins and a $2 coin.)

Me: “Sorry, this is too much. I just need the $1. You can keep the rest.”

Customer: “I thought it was 40 cents.”

Me: “That’s right.”

Customer: “Then what’s the problem? That’s 40 cents.”

Me: “No, it’s $4.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. I’ve given you two 10-cent coins and a 20-cent coin. That equals 40 cents.”

Me: “No, you’ve given me two $1 coins and one $2 coin. That equals $4.”

Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me. That’s 40 cents, isn’t it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s not. Here, take these.”

(I hand her back the $2 coin and one of the $1 coins. She reluctantly takes them.)

Customer: “Okay, but I still don’t understand. This is wrong.”

(I put the money in the machine and handed her her receipt. She took it, grabbed her shopping, and slowly walked away, musing over the two coins still in her hand, clearly still not understanding.)

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Peaky Binders

, , , , , | Right | October 10, 2019

Customer: “I have to return these binders my kids didn’t need for school. I don’t have the receipt.”

Me: “Did you maybe get the receipt emailed to you?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Hmm. Normally, we could look up the receipt with the SKU of the item and verify it with your card number, but we have sold so many of these binders in the last few weeks it would take us forever to find it. Without a receipt, the register will only let me give you a store credit for the lowest price it’s been sold at in the last 90 days, and these were buy-one-get-one-free recently, so I know they’re going to come up at a penny. Do you want to try looking for your receipt and coming back?”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just scan them and see?”

Me: “Okay.” *scans them and they all come up at a penny* “No, it won’t let me give you anything for them, unfortunately.”

Customer: “Well, what if I just buy new ones and use that receipt to return them?”

Me: *hesitantly* “That’s… fraud…”

Customer: “How is that fraud?”

Me: “Because you’re using a new receipt to return something old. And they’re not on sale anymore, so if you originally bought them on sale, you would be getting more money back than what you paid for them. Plus, you would still be stuck with binders you don’t want, anyway.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because you would have twice as many binders as you have on your receipt.”

Customer: “Well, I would just go to another store to return the other ones.”

Me: “You can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “You can’t return something twice with the same receipt.”

Customer: “It’s not fraud just because I can’t find my receipt!”

Me: “No, but trying to buy new ones and return them all at the new price is fraud. Are you sure you can’t just find your receipt?”

(She leaves and calls the store to talk to a manager — I’m pretty sure she is just calling from the parking lot — and the manager says we can try looking her receipt up. She comes back in immediately and my manager can’t find her receipt.)

Manager: “I can’t find the receipt. And these binders have had different sale prices during the back to school time, and they’re expensive, so I can’t just return them without a receipt.”

Customer: “Can’t you just scan ones from the shelf, then? So they don’t ring up as a penny?”

Manager: “They’re the same binders.”

Customer: “But the ones I’ve brought in ring up as a penny. Can’t you just scan new ones so they scan at full price?”

Manager: “No, they’re the same binders; they will still ring up at a penny. The register does it automatically when there isn’t a receipt.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why can’t just give me what I paid for them!”

Manager: “Because you don’t have a receipt… which tells us what you paid for them…”

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When Signing In Is A Bad Sign

, , , , | Right | October 10, 2019

(I haven’t even gotten to open my email this morning when the first visitor — a hospice aide — comes in. She immediately has a bad attitude and I’m thinking “it is way too early for this s***.”)

Me: “Good morning!”

Aide: “Is one of those a bathroom?” *nods towards two doors to the left*

Me: “The second one is.” *blinks as she stomps off* “You’ll need to come back and sign in when you’re done.”

Aide: *ignores me AND the sign on the door that says it’s the office and tries the first door anyway* “It’s locked. Why is it locked?”

Me: “Because that’s my boss’s office. The bathroom is the second door.”

Aide: “Well, why didn’t you say so?” *finally goes in the door that has a large “BATHROOM” sign on it*

Me: *eye-twitch*

(I greet another visitor and chat with her for a minute while the aide goes about her bathroom business and finally comes back out, heading off in the wrong direction, away from my desk.)

Me: “Ma’am? Can you come back up here for a minute, please?”

Aide: *huffs* “What?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you need to sign in, please.”

Aide: “Ugh, fine. Where’s the book?”

Me: “It’s this tablet, here.” *starts walking her through how to use it*

Aide: “I don’t think I need to be doing this.”

Me: “I’m sorry, everyone has to; otherwise, I can’t let you in. It’s for our residents’ security.”

Aide: “I really don’t think I need to do this, though.” *finishes signing in and starts to walk off again*

Me: “Ma’am? Please put this on!” *hands her a name badge that just printed out*

Aide: “I have to show this? Can I put it away?”

Me: “No, ma’am, you need to stick it on yourself so my coworkers know you’re okay to be here.”

Aide: “This is ridiculous.” *smacks the name badge onto her shirt, where it predictably falls to the floor because the genius didn’t take the sticky part off* “What the h***?”

Me: *barely resisting the urge to facepalm myself into a coma* “You need to peel the backing off first.”

Aide:God, this is so stupid!” *picks it off the floor and finally sticks it to herself and stomps off into the building, b****ing under her breath*

Me: “Have a good day!”

(It wasn’t even 7:30 yet!)

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