The Cocoa Con

, , , , | Right | October 16, 2017

(I work at a cafe in a bookstore. People will occasionally ask us for hot water for their tea bags that they brought from home, which we happily oblige, free of charge. One day…)

Supervisor: “We’re going to have to start charging $0.25 for water.”

Me: “Why?”

Coworker: “You’ll see.”

(A few days go by, then a man and a woman come in.)

Customer: “Can I have a large cup of hot water? Just half full?”

Coworker: “Sure, but it’ll be $0.25 for the cup.”

Customer: “What?! But it’s always free!”

Coworker: “Sorry, new policy.”

Customer: “Come on! I didn’t know. Can’t I just have the water this one time? I’ll know for next time!”

Coworker: *sighs* “Just this last time.”

(The woman then takes her hot water to the self-service bar, where we keep the cinnamon, cocoa, sugar, milk, cream, straws, stirrers, etc. She dumps in half of the cocoa and fills up the rest with cream, stirring it together to make hot cocoa, and also making a huge mess.)

Coworker: “That’s why it’s $0.25 now, because of those two.”

(We later banned the two of them because customers kept finding pamphlets that they left in all of the books,and they constantly found new loopholes to get free stuff from the cafe.)

Their Vegetarianism Is Total Turkey

, , , , , , | Right | October 16, 2017

(It’s mid-November, and everyone and their cousin is in the store buying food for their Thanksgiving dinner. I’m manning the register, desperately trying to keep up with endless line of people, when a customer comes up with one of our frozen turkeys in his cart.)

Customer: “Hi, can I ask you a question?”

Me: *glances at the five person line* “Sure.”

Customer “Great. I’m having some friends over for Thanksgiving, and two of them are vegetarian.”

Me: “Okay. What’s your question?”

Customer: *he points to the frozen turkey* “Is turkey vegetarian?”

Me: *blinks a few times* “Well, I imagine it WAS vegetarian, sir.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

(He turns and heads back into the store.)

Customer Behind Him: “Did that—?”

Me: “Yes. Now, how can I help you?”

Don’t Want Him As A Member Anyway

, , | Right | October 15, 2017

(I work in a store where our weekly sale flyer features specials only available to people who are store members. This is a free membership that you can sign up for at any time for to get the deals, and the form takes less than two minutes.)

Me: “Hi, can I get your store card or phone number?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to be harassed after you sell my number.”

Me: “I promise we don’t sell your number, and we don’t need a phone number on the account, anyway, just your name and signature. Most of your items are on special this week and you’d save almost twenty dollars.”

Customer: “No. These are sale items. They’re in your flyer. I’m not signing up.”

Me: “I can’t give the member prices without the card. It will take one minute. If you look at the flyer, anything with the symbol beside it is for members only.”

Customer: “I AM NOT SIGNING UP FOR YOUR SCAM ARTIST CLUB. THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING. I WILL CALL MY LAWYER AND I CAN AND WILL BRING THIS COMPANY TO COURT BECAUSE YOU ARE ADVERTISING A PRICE AND REFUSING TO GIVE IT TO ME. NOWHERE DOES IT SAY YOU HAVE TO BE A MEMBER TO GET THESE PRICES!”

Customer #2: *rolls eyes and points to banner on flyer* “It says right here you have to be a member to get these prices.”

Customer #1: “WELL, IT’S STILL RIDICULOUS!” *storms out of the store, leaving everything on the counter*

Distraction In Action

, , , , | Right | October 15, 2017

(After a recent switch from full-time to part-time, I have been downsized from a private office to a cubicle that faces the main lobby. I’ve had the same conversation several times a day since the move.)

Client: “Hey, you moved!”

Me: “Yep, I did. Smaller job, smaller space.”

Client: “Oh, that’s too bad. I bet you get a lot more distracted out here.”

Me: “Not really; I’m good at focusing on my work.”

Client: “Oh, but don’t all the people walking by distract you?”

Me: “Only when they ask me if I get distracted a lot.”

A Cents-less Waste Of Time

, , , , , , | Right | October 15, 2017

(Our gas station has a member’s card that you can scan when you pay and get $0.03 off per gallon of gas. This customer forgets to hand me their card to get the discount while they are pre-paying inside for their gas. Five minutes later, they’re back inside with their receipt, furious that they did not get their discount.)

Me: “Yes, sir; what can I do for you?”

Customer: “You didn’t scan my [Gas Station] card! I want my discount. You owe me a refund, son.”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience, sir, but I cannot go back and give you the discount when you didn’t give me the card to scan.”

Customer: “I just want my three f****** cents off!”

(I look at my screen and see that they only got $15, a little over six gallons-worth of gas.)

Me: “Do you have your card with you?”

(The customer hastily grabs their wallet, searches for a few seconds, and slams the card down on the counter angrily.)

Me: “I can’t scan the card for the previous transaction, but I’ll give you the refund for what would have been your discount since I have it right here anyway.”

(I handed them $0.18 from my till and replaced it with pennies from my “take one leave one” cup on the counter. The customer looked down at their dime, nickel, and three pennies, and gave me a telling look of embarrassment, knowing that they wasted five minutes and made of fool of themselves in front of the whole store for practically nothing.)

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