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Her Friends Are As Red As Her Hair

, , | Right | December 3, 2021

A diner has put her own hair in her half-eaten plate of food and is now throwing a royal fit.

Customer: “I demand that my meal be comped, and I want to speak to the manager!”

I go into the back of the restaurant, pull out the orange hair with three inches of regrowth, and ask the Mexican guys in the kitchen:

Me: “HEY, DID ANY OF YOU BRING A WIG TO WORK TODAY?”

They tell me to f*** off. I go back out to the customer:

Me: “Ma’am, nobody on staff has red hair with blonde roots.”

I say this while staring directly at her disastrous dye job.

Me: “However, the manager said we would be happy to buy dessert for the whole table to make up for this strange phenomenon.”

The four other people at the table were clearly mortified and declined dessert. She ordered cheesecake and they all sat there and glared at her while she devoured it.

Alco-Popped Their Bubble

, , , , , , , , | Right | December 3, 2021

I am the deputy manager of a liquor store. In the UK, one can purchase alcohol for your own consumption from the age of eighteen, but it is illegal to purchase alcohol on behalf of a minor.

A woman enters and is shortly followed by two girls dressed in full school uniforms. As the woman browses, the two girls walk to the counter I am standing at and, as I look on in bemusement, review our selection of alcopops. Then, the woman joins them at the counter and asks them what they want. In full view of the CCTV cameras and me, the girls literally stand and point out what they want.

Customer: “I’ll have two of your large bottles of [Alcopop], too.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but I have to refuse that sale unless the two young ladies accompanying you can show me their IDs.”

Customer: “What?! That’s outrageous! Why?!”

Me: “Well, I have to remind you that it is illegal to buy alcohol on behalf of a minor.”

Customer: “They are my daughters! They can drink in my home if I tell them they can, and who are you to say that they can’t?!”

Me: “Unfortunately, I have no way of knowing that they are your daughters. What I do have is CCTV footage — which will be reviewed by the police — that shows school children selecting alcohol for you to buy them. There is no way I could process this sale and keep my job.”

Customer: “This is outrageous. I’m just going to go and buy the same things at a different location.”

And then they stormed off. I later learned that there is, in fact, a provision in law where children of a certain age under eighteen can drink alcohol at home under the supervision of their legal guardian, but who thinks sending in children in full school uniform to buy booze is a good idea?!

Look. Do You Want To Sell A Car Or Not?

, , , , , | Working | December 2, 2021

My wife and I have been looking for a particular model of car for a while, and suddenly, a local dealership has three of them! They’re all used but made within the last couple of years, with mileage varying from 14,000 to 60,000. We go through the nonsense of testing them all and choosing one. The one we decide to buy has 40,000 miles on it and is three years old. The only problem is that the initial asking price is at or above how much it’d cost if I bought a brand new one, made this year as a custom order, from the factory. Time for negotiations.

Salesman: “So, what’ll it take to get you in this car?”

Me: “I want it, but the price is way too high. I could buy a new one online for that much.”

Salesman: “Oh, but that’s because it’s the [Model] S edition, not the [Model] X edition. The [Model] S is… [blah, blah, blah, blah].”

Me: *Pauses* “No, that’s not what I meant. This [Model] S from [three years ago] with 40,000 miles on it costs as much as a [Model] S from this year with zero miles on it. I’ll buy it if you can sell it for a fair price. Somewhere around [75% of their asking price] is much closer to the [Industry Standard Website] suggested price.”

Salesman: “Oh, you can’t trust [Industry Standard Website].”

Me: “Again, though, I could just leave and buy a brand new one for your asking price.”

Salesman: “The price is non-negotiable.”

Me: “C’mon, you know that price is nonsense for a used car. Why can’t you negotiate?” 

Salesman: “I don’t set the prices.”

The salesman suddenly makes an excuse to leave and sends in his colleague.

Colleague: “Hi there. I hear you want [vehicle]. We can get you monthly cost of—”

Me: “I don’t care about the monthly. I care about the overall cost. Are you able to negotiate the price?”

Colleague: “The prices are firm but let me get [Other Employee] in here to see about financing options—”

Me: “Are we seriously gonna do the salesman hokey pokey, where you and a couple of others jump in and out of the room to try to exhaust and confuse me into agreeing to a bad deal? I’m not here to play children’s games. I want you to sell me a vehicle that I’m ready and willing to buy, right now. How is that so hard to sell under this circumstance that you need to get three separate men and—” *checks my phone* “—two hours to negotiate? Does it take this many men to change a lightbulb around here, too?”

The colleague stutters for a second before regaining his composure.

Colleague: “Well, uh… Let me get [Salesman] back so you can talk about finances with him.”

Me: “No, thanks. I’ll just buy a brand new one online, customized how I want it to, for that same amount. Bye!”

I left the office, followed closely by [Colleague]. [Salesman] looked mad at [Colleague] but didn’t say anything about it in my presence. [Salesman] called me once a day for the next three days but I brushed him off each time. On the fourth day, he sent me an email with prices a few thousand dollars less than the non-negotiable price, begging me to come back and make a deal with them. I simply replied asking how he had the authority to change the prices now after he was so sure he couldn’t change prices before. He didn’t reply.

What’s The Opposite Of Blowing Things Out Of Proportion?

, , , , | Right | December 3, 2021

In the late 1990s, the store I was working at had a bomb threat called in. The manager got off the phone and called me and the other senior shift person into the office.

Manager: “We need to evacuate the store until it can be searched by the police, bomb squad, and such.”

[Manager], my coworker, and I went to the front and announced that everyone needed to leave the store for safety reasons and meet in the parking lot. We got everyone outside, most people left in their vehicles, and the employees were congregated in a small corner of the lot.

A customer approached us.

Customer: “I know there is a fire or bomb threat or something…but can one of you go in the store and get my jacket that I left?”

After we stared at them with open mouths for a bit, we told them they would have to come back later and get it… if the store was still standing.

She Will Need To Choose Her Next Phone Call Very Carefully

, , , , , | Right | December 2, 2021

I work for a phone company in a call center. We are in training for a new scope of service, and part of that training involves listening to some of those calls that “may be recorded for training purposes.”

In this recording, a woman calls us in a fury. She has discovered that her son has replaced her number on his “five favorite numbers” list with the contact information of an unknown female.

Caller: “You need to change it back!”

Agent: “I am sorry, ma’am, but we legally cannot do that. It’s not your phone and he made the change intentionally.”

The woman flips out, screaming and shouting.

Caller: “You are crooked! This is so unfair!”

We then realise that the caller is calling from the store in her local mall. After about five minutes of rage, we hear the following exchange.

Serious Authority Voice: “Ma’am, if you can’t calm down, you’re going to have to leave the store.”

Caller: *Mostly incoherent raging* “I will not calm down! They’re cheating me!”

Serious Authority Voice: “Okay, ma’am, you’re under arrest.”

Caller: “I’m what?”

Serious Authority Voice: “You’re under arrest, ma’am, for [something muffled and unintelligible].”

This final declaration is followed by the sound of a mobile phone clattering to the floor/countertop, from where the salesperson retrieves it:

Salesperson: “Uh… yeah, sorry about that. I don’t think you have to worry about this anymore. She just got arrested.”