The best of our most recent stories!

It Would Be Better Explained If You Lip-Synced It For Your Life

, , , , , , , , , , | Right | May 7, 2021

I am selling something online. I provide my Whatsapp number for messaging but I am surprised when I get a call from an American number claiming interest in my item.

Caller: “I figured since I will be in San Francisco this weekend I could just swing by and pick it up?”

Me: “That’s great, except I’m in London. Nothing in my ad says I’m in San Francisco.”

Caller: “So that’s like… what, East Bay?”

Me: “What? No… London. London, England.”

Caller: “So down near Mountain View?”

Me: “No! London. With the bridge. The Queen lives there.”

I hear someone else on the caller’s side speak up.

Person With Caller: “What’s going on?”

Caller: *Replying* “I don’t know. They’re saying they’re a queen in San Francisco.”

Person With Caller: “Drag queens, honey. They’re called drag queens in San Francisco.”

I wonder if there is a confused-looking woman now wandering the streets of San Francisco looking for a drag queen with a used toaster oven.

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Pulled That Cake Out Of The Oven Way Too Early

, , , , | Working | May 7, 2021

I work as a decorator at a bakery. It isn’t a chain place but it turns out to be a great place to exercise my decorating skills. Eventually, I plan to go back to school for more advanced decorating classes. I have been helping my boss interview for my replacement.

The candidates are two ladies around twenty-five and an older woman. The two younger ladies are lovely and make a really good impression, while the older lady acts really arrogant. At the end of the interview, she seems to be convinced that she has already gotten the job. My boss, sensing the same vibes, makes it very clear that no decisions will be made right away.

A few days later, before the boss man has made a decision about who to hire, the older woman calls back. She manages to speak to one of my coworkers, who was not part of the interview process. 

Coworker: “Hello?”

Older Woman: “Hi! I’m phoning to talk to your boss. He hired me a few days ago and I want to know when he wants me to come in.”

Coworker: *Oblivious* “Well, he’s not here right now. I’ll take a message so he can call you back.”

Older Woman: “Okay!”

[Boss] comes in, gets the message, and tells [Coworker] that he hasn’t hired anyone yet. [Older Woman] phones back before [Boss] gets a chance to call her.

Boss: “I’m sorry for the confusion, but you have only been in for an interview—”

Older Woman: *Interrupting* “Oh, no, I’m not confused at all. You hired me. Just tell me my starting date.”

Boss: “There is no starting date yet. I haven’t decided to hire anyone yet.”

Older Woman: “Don’t you remember me? I was here with my fiancé and you hired me.”

Boss: “Um, no, I didn’t.”

Older Woman: “Yes, you did. You shook my hand and told me that you would call me with my starting date, but you seem to have forgotten. Just tell me when to come in on my first day of work.”

Boss: “Ma’am, no one has been hired yet. Not you and not any of the other candidates. You’ve only had an interview. You still have to demonstrate your decorating abilities before you can even be considered for hiring.”

[Older Woman] gets very irate and hangs up. The boss puts NAGF (Not A Good Fit) in red ink on the woman’s resume and puts it away.

Later in the day, the woman’s fiancé calls. He’s basically screaming with rage, and it takes [Boss] a bit to get the guy calmed down enough to even understand who the heck he is and why he’s so peeved.

Fiancé: “You know you can’t do that, right?! You know it’s bad business practice to tell someone they’re hired and then not hire them!”

Boss: “No one has been hired. Your fiancé hasn’t gotten far enough in the hiring process to join the team yet.”

Fiancé: “Oh, I get it! You’re discriminating against her! You know it’s illegal to refuse to hire someone based on age! Let me lay it out for you: either you hold up your end of the bargain and tell my fiancé what her starting date is or we’re going straight to the labor board to report you!”

Boss: *Coldly* “You go ahead and try that.”

He hung up on the fiancé. Nothing came of their threats, and in the end, we hired both of the younger ladies, who passed the decorating tests with flying colors. I went back to school feeling glad that we had made the right choices for the bakery.

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Crime Doesn’t Pay, Especially When You Gloat

, , , , | Legal | May 7, 2021

I’m a senior staff member. On Saturday evening, the store where I work had about £70 worth of jewellery stolen. The individual was savvy and did it off camera so we only have a few details, and they describe most of our typical customers. As such, we are a bit stuck.

On Monday evening, one of the college-age workers comes in, phone in hand, and as though she’s on a mission.

Me: “You okay, [College Girl]?”

College Girl: “Are [Management People] in?”

Me: “No, I’m acting supervisor until 4:00 pm. Why?”

College Girl: “I got the thief admitting it on camera!”

It turned out it was her friend’s friend, who bragged about stealing the jewellery in front of the college girl, who happened to be filming at the time.

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Swipe Left On These Interactions

, , , , | Right | May 9, 2021

I work at the service desk. We used to be able to manually input EBT cards when they wouldn’t swipe in the card reader; however, they’ve recently taken the function away so we can no longer do it. This interaction happens weekly, at the least. 

Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “My EBT card won’t swipe at the register. Can you key it in manually for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we are no longer able to do that. The registers no longer have that function.” 

Customer: “What am I supposed to do? My card won’t swipe.”

Me: “I’m sorry. You’ll need to contact Job & Family to request a new card.” 

Customer: “This is bulls***! That doesn’t help me get food now! What am I supposed to do?!” 

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. There’s nothing I can do.” 

The customer storms off with an embarrassed-looking child, leaving a full cart of groceries behind.

Customer: “This is f****** ridiculous! You should be able to type it in!”

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A Special Kind Of Bigot

, , , , , | Working | May 8, 2021

My carer and I are doing some shopping at a small local shop. We are about to enter when we are stopped by a female shop assistant.

Shop Assistant: “She’s not allowed in.”

Carer: “Why?”

Shop Assistant: “Social distancing rules. Everybody knows they can’t social distance.”

Carer: “Who can’t?”

Shop Assistant: “Those with special needs.”

We left to avoid confrontation.

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