Flights Of Fancy

, , , , , | Right | February 15, 2018

(This previous weekend we held a giant expo and trade fair, where our suppliers offered generous discounts for people who booked reservations or tickets. It was hugely successful. The major condition about it all, however, was that you had to book on those two weekend days, otherwise the prices went back to normal. I am sitting at my desk, four days after the expo, when this occurs. A customer walks in.)

Customer: *yelling* “I want to be served!”

Me: “Welcome! Take a seat! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I want to talk about the Travel Expo.” *pulls out a full colour newspaper ad from previous weekend’s paper* “I want this price to fly to Los Angeles. For two people.”

Me: “Okay! Unfortunately, those prices were for that weekend only. They are no longer being advertised at that price.”

Customer: *yelling* “I KNOW THAT! I CAN READ!”

(The customer pulls out a sandwich and begins to eat it, dropping food all over my desk and the floor.)

Me: “Um… Would you like me to find flights that might suit you better?”

Customer: “Find me good flights!”

(I do a thorough search, and I am not able to match any prices that resemble the amazing deal offered that weekend. I find the best solution, and I offer it to her. In the meantime, she has been reading the fine print on the advertising.)

Me: “So, the price will be [higher price]. This is the closest I can get to the advertised fare that was being shown at the Expo.”

Customer: “That is disgusting! I want this fare!” *points at ad*

Me: “I would love to be able to give you that price, but as you can see, it was for a limited time.”

Customer: *attempts to stare me down while eating and dropping her sandwich all over my desk area* “I want this price.”

Me: “I cannot give you that price, I am afraid. It was last weekend only.”

Customer: *screeching* “I CAN READ THE FINE PRINT!”

Me: “Would you like me to book you the [higher price] flights? As you’re wanting to fly over the Christmas holiday period, these are very good prices.”

Customer: “NO! You disgust me!”

(The customer throws herself out of the chair and stomps out of the store. At this point my boss walks past.)

Boss: “Have you been eating at your desk?”

Don’t Bank On His Language Skills

, , | Newark, NJ, USA | Learning Right | February 15, 2018

Throwback ThursdaysThrowback Thursday! Here’s a terrific story you may not have seen before.  Do you have a story about a mistaken translation in a language lesson?  Danos su historio en los comentarios!

 

(I’m an after-school English tutor for our exchange students. The assignment today is a brief speech about what everyone in your family does, but no dictionaries are allowed while they’re writing the speech.)

German Student: “Okay. I can go first?”

Me: “Okay, [German Student], go ahead.”

German Student: “My mother is a nurse. She works at a big hospital in Essen. She takes care of new babies who are born with sickness. When she was young, she was a nurse in Moscow. My father is an ATM. He—”

Me: *interrupting* “A what?”

German Student: “ATM.”

Me: “A banker?”

German Student: “No! ATM! He met my mother at hospital! He is a wagon-driver!”

(He makes siren noises and flashes the classroom lights.)

Me: “Oh… an EMT?”

German Student: “Oh, yes. EMT.”

(He finishes the speech without incident. Next up is a nervous Spanish student.)

Spanish Student: “My father, uh, is… My father is an avocado.”

(His father is an ‘abogado’: a lawyer.)

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A Unique Closet Case

, , , | Right | February 15, 2018

(There is a big wedding that takes the majority of our 56-room base facility. As check-in for wedding party is a success, I receive a phone call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]! This is [My Name].”

Guest: “Hey, this room 318. I just checked in, and your closet is way too small. What do you plan on doing about this?”

Me: “May I put you on hold for a second?”

(I put him on hold because I literally do not know what to say. I pick up the phone again.)

Me: “Well, sir, you can use one of our rollaway carts or our employee closet.”

Guest: “Well, how is that going to help me when I am up here?”

Me: “I do not know, sir. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

Guest: *hangs up*

(I tell manager about the event that just occurred.)

Manager: “Well, what did he want us to do? Build a closet real quick?”

They All Jumped Over The Moon

, , , , | Right | February 15, 2018

(I work in a pet store that sells fish, small animals, birds, and reptiles, as well as supplies for the animals. One day I answer a call to our store.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Do you sell cows?”

Me: *long pause* “No, ma’am. We do not sell cows.”

Zero Points For Creativity

, , , , , | Right | February 15, 2018

(I work at a thrift store. If you use your card to make a purchase, our registers let you sign the pad using a stylus. When you press “OK,” it briefly pops up a digital copy of your signature on our screen. Two boys in their late teens purchase some sports equipment. One scribbles on the pad, and then elbows his buddy and points to the screen in a not-so-subtle fashion, snickering all the while. His buddy cracks a huge grin, as well. I already know exactly what he’s done, so when a scribbled part of male anatomy pops up in lieu of his signature, I’m prepared. Keeping my face cheerfully Retail-Friendly, I print the kid a copy of his receipt and hand it to him, which contains a copy of his “art.”)

Me: “Thank you for shopping with us! Here’s your d**k-on-a-slip!”

(The kid’s eyes went huge for a second, and then both of them fled with their items and receipt. Maybe they didn’t expect the seemingly-innocent female cashier to give as good as she got? Or maybe they figured I would never actually see it? Who knows. And no, I didn’t get in trouble for it. My manager laughed hysterically, and I got a high-five from another female cashier, who said she would do her best to remember it if another customer tried that with her.)

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