Coffee Clubbed To Death

| Canada | Right | May 25, 2017

(There is a certain day of the week where you have to prepare coffee if you open. The coffee is free and it starts out as a small initiative for customer appreciation. Unfortunately, a group a seniors take this out of hand and create the most ungrateful coffee club in existence. First of all, they have a “seating order” for those who come for coffee and if you’re not in the club, you can’t sit with them. Secondly, some people just come to have the coffee, not even work out, and act like they can order around the other patrons who want coffee. Lastly, they complain about the coffee every time, no exaggeration, and it’s free. My last straw with them happens when I take an opening shift on this day for the first time in awhile. I am surprised to find two coffee machines there instead of the one I was familiar with, so I decide on using the bigger one I am used to. I’m not a coffee drinker, but I had no complaints all morning. When they come, I watch them call over my co-worker, who relays this message to me:)

Coworker: “So they’re not happy with the coffee.”

Me: “Oh, what’s wrong with it?”

Coworker: “Well, personally, I think nothing is wrong with it, but they said and I quote ‘did you fill the machine with pool water’?”

Me: “What?”

Coworker: “Yup, they wanted me to tell you that you should use the smaller coffee machine because they gave money to this place specifically so they could buy a new one. The big one is apparently too old and that’s why the smaller one was purchased.”

Me: “Oh, I had no idea; I’ll go apologize.”

(I did just that and they “forgave me,” but wouldn’t stop talking about how they used their money for this new machine and they didn’t like that it wasn’t being used. When my boss came in later, I told her my story in case she received a complaint.)

Me: “…and so I used the bigger coffee machine, not realizing that they had purchased the smaller one and wanted—”

Boss: “Hold up, what? Say that again?”

Me: “Uh, I wasn’t familiar with the smaller one they bought for this place, so I used—”

Boss: “Oh, my god, they told you they bought that?”

Me: “They didn’t?”

Boss: “Absolutely not. That was purchase made through the centre.”

Me: “But they went on about how they bought it specifically for their club.”

Boss: “I’m sure in their eyes they think they did using only their seniors discount on their membership.”

(To make matter worse, I am talked into doing the same shift the next week and, because I wasn’t familiar with the machine, I don’t realize it isn’t brewing coffee until 30 minutes after we open. I fix this issue by the time one of the people from the club come in, so I just warn them to wait a few minutes.)

Me: “Hi there, just a heads up. There were some issues with the machine this morning but there will be fresh coffee for you guys in just five minutes.”

Customer #1: “Oh, okay.”

(A few minutes later, another coffee club member joins her.)

Customer #1: “So, there’s no coffee today.”

Customer #2: “What?”

Me: “No, there is. There was just some technical issues this morning. You just have to wait a few more minutes until it’s brewed.”

Customer #2: “Oh, okay.”

(Customer #3 walks in.)

Customer #2: “Did you hear?”

Customer #1: “There’s no coffee today.”

Customer #3: “What?”

Me: *face palms*

(They did this for EVERY member of the coffee club that walked in, even when they got their coffee. I never took that shift again.)

Stop The Presses Because Someone Is Upset!

| Bath, England, UK | Right | May 24, 2017

(It is the weekend before Christmas. Customer #1 storms into the shop, red faced, and right up to my till. Weekend newspapers have magazines in them.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I bought this [National Newspaper] in [Branch of our store that doesn’t exist] and it doesn’t have a magazine in it.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have a branch there.”

Customer: “Yes, you do.”

Me: “No, we don’t. We do have a branch in [Area across town].”

Customer: “Yes, that one. I bought my paper there and there’s no magazine in it. I asked the bloke there and they said they never come in with magazines. I went to [Rival Store #1] and [Rival Store #2] and they won’t give me a magazine.”

Me: “Um, sorry, but what do you want me to do about that?”

Customer: “I want to take one of the magazines from inside one of your [National Newspaper]s.”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t allow that, sir. We have our numbers to keep up. If you had bought it from here I would happily allow you to swap one out, but you bought it from a different shop. From what you’ve told me, you also knew that it didn’t have a magazine.”

Customer: “That’s not what I said.”

Me: “You said that the shop worker said the magazines never come in, so either you bought it knowingly, or you found out afterwards and didn’t return it there. I can’t give you one here, because it will affect our store’s numbers.”

Customer: “Then I want to talk to headquarters.”

Me: “Sir, this is a convenience store. They will tell you the exact same thing I did. You’re welcome to. I’m sure the number is online somewhere.”

Customer: “I don’t use the Internet. Get me the number now.”

Me: “I don’t have the number, sir. I’m a sales assistant. I have no need to call headquarters.”

Customer: “Then use your God-d*** phone.”

Me: “Use of phones is prohibited during work hours.”

Customer: *speechless*

Me: “Anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “I will have you fired.”

Me: “Good luck! It’s my last day.”

Customer: *leaves fuming still*

Me: “Merry Christmas!”

You Crocodile Dundee’d Them

| Fryslân, The Netherlands | Right | May 24, 2017

(It’s the day before Christmas and we’re packed with people picking up their orders. I’m helping a customer when my coworker helps the next person in line.)

Customer: *while pulling out a knife* “Give me all your money! NOW!”

Coworker: *panics*

Me: *grabbing the biggest knife on the counter* “I’m sorry, what did you say, [Customer]?

(The customer, a former classmate of mine who was on drugs, ran out of the door after seeing me with that knife. The customers didn’t have a clue what was happening.)

Been Running This Shift For Too Long

| Canada | Right | May 24, 2017

(At pools everywhere, the number one rule is no running on the pool deck. I have seen people hurt themselves terribly doing that, and even heard of an instances where people have broken a few bones doing this. Still, kids can’t contain themselves sometimes, so the number one thing I am always yelling across the pool is “WALK.” On this one day, I have done an open at 5:45 am and I am guarding a school group that is in later around 11 am. We have turned on the slide, and I see this one kid booking it to get to the deep end where this is happening. For some reason, in urgency my brain failed me and this is what happens:)

Me: “RUN!”

Kid: *stops running and looks at me confused*

Me: “…I meant WALK, but that got your attention, didn’t it?”

Internationally It’s Breakfast Somewhere

| MT, USA | Right | May 24, 2017

(Overheard at a diner known internationally for their pancakes, around 11:45 in the morning:)

Woman: “They’re STILL serving breakfast? I don’t want pancakes…”

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