You Want A Discount? That’s Ripe!

, , , | Right | November 13, 2019

(Our store offers a discount on overripe produce only if there is no ripe produce available. If there is overripe and ripe produce available, no discount is applied.)

Customer: “How much are the overripe bananas? I’m making banana bread for my church.”

Me: “Just a moment, ma’am.” *steps away to check if there are ripe bananas as well as overripe* “They’ll be [price].”

Customer: “No, no, that’s the price for the regular bananas. These ones are overripe, so they’re cheaper, right?”

Me: “No, ma’am. If there are ripe bananas as well as overripe, there is no price difference.”

Customer: “What?! That’s ridiculous!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you’re choosing to buy the overripe bananas, even though there are ripe bananas available. So, I cannot offer you a discount.”

Customer: “That’s absurd. Your store needs to reconsider policy on this!”

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They’re Going To Take A Leap

, , , , | Right | November 13, 2019

(I’m a new employee in a hotel, working with a trainer on my first day. I’m trying to concentrate, but a few goofy guys keep bothering us while she’s trying to train me.)

Goofy Guys: “Hey, hey! We need a cab! We need to buy beer!”

Trainer: “Okay, just wait there until it comes. It’ll take 30 minutes.”

Goofy Guys: “Hey! We can’t wait that long! Why is it so long?!”

Trainer: “That’s just the way it goes.”

(She continues training me, explaining our work. Meanwhile, the goofy guys keep interrupting and making loud, goofy jokes. Finally, the cab comes to pick them up, but before they leave…)

Goofy Guys: “Hey, you two! You know what?! When we come back, we’ll jump over each other like a leapfrog, through the door! It’ll be epic! What do ya think?!”

(The trainer just smiles so they go away, and we continue training. Hours later, the door opens and the goofy guys return.)

Goofy Guys: “Hey! Look at this!”

(One by one, true to their word, they started leap-frogging over one another through the door, down the hall, and up to their rooms. It was one of the weirdest things I’ve seen, yet hilarious at the same time!)

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He Lowered The Bar

, , , | Right | November 13, 2019

(At the restaurant where I am a hostess, all customers can sit at the bar whenever they want, but have to check in at the front hostess stand in order to be seated at a table. This man who has a priority seating arrangement refuses to understand this.)

Me: “How are you tonight?”

Customer: *points to his name on the priority seating list* “That’s me. I want to go to my table now.”

Me: “Okay, I will check you in.”

Customer: “No, I want to go now. I’ve been at the bar!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you did not check in. I have no way of knowing you are here if you haven’t told me. I can seat you in a few minutes.”

Customer: “But I’ve been waiting at the bar! Why didn’t you come get me?”

Me: “As I said, we did not know you were here as you did not check in.”

(This continued for a while until he left, apparently angry that I didn’t have telepathic powers to tell me when he decided to grace us with his presence.)   

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Got Some Catching Up To Do

, , , | Right | November 13, 2019

(I am working at the customer service desk in my local grocery store on a typical weeknight. An elderly woman comes up to the counter.)

Me: “Hey there. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “I was wondering if you would help me download this coupon onto my savings card?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am!” *explains how the process works*

Customer: “No, no, I need you to show me!” *whips out tablet*

Me: “All right, first, I need you to go to [Store website].”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “A website.”

Customer: “What’s a website?”

Me: “It’s a page on the Internet.”

Customer: “What’s an Internet?”

(It took me about three-quarters of an hour, but we made her an email account and an account on the store website, and got her that coupon!)

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Number Teeeeeewwww

, , , , | Right | November 13, 2019

(I am a customer who overhears this exchange. A customer rattles the door of the restroom, which is locked. She calls out to an employee.)

Customer: “The bathroom is locked! I need you to unlock it.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that. It’s not a public restroom.”

Customer: “But someone opened it for me before! You need to open this for me. I need to use the bathroom! Can’t you make an exception?”

Employee: “You can go next door to the grocery store. They have a public restroom in the front.” 

Customer: “But I can’t make it there! If I could make it there, I wouldn’t have asked you! Now I’m going to s*** in my pants!”

(I have moved several rows over from this discussion as the customer gets increasingly agitated.)

Employee: “I’m sorry, I can’t open the door.” *goes back to work*

Customer: *stomps off with her cart, shouting* “I just s*** my pants! I HOPE YOU CAN SMELL IT!”

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