Not Going To Hand Over An Apology

, , , , , | Right | December 10, 2018

(I work at a supermarket that only offers organic products. We have regular automatic sliding doors. I am ringing up customers when I hear someone entering, and immediately after this a child, maybe around two years old, starts to cry. I turned to see what’s wrong as a woman dashes into the store, holding her crying child and giving me a death glare. Even before I can even ask what happened, she starts yelling at me.)

Woman: “My son’s hand got stuck in that stupid door!”

Me: “Well, that’s unfortunate. Will he be all right?”

Woman: “Of course not! I bet it’s going to swell!”

(I already am puzzled at how it would be humanly possible to get your hand into that tiny slit at the side of the door, but I know that she is going to blame me for whatever happened. I apologetically look at the customer I was ringing up.)

Me: “Would you excuse me for a second? I need to get something to cool his hand.”

(Luckily, they are very understanding and I hastily get up, leaving the already insane amount of customers in the line to wait. Luckily, a coworker hears me talking and goes to get a cool pack before I can. I get back to what I was doing before, to see that this woman has already snatched a popsicle out of the freezer next to the registers to cool the kid’s hand. He seems to be better now; he’s stopped crying, and looks around as my coworker hands them the cool pack.)

Woman: “That was about time!”

(She then snatched it out of my coworker’s hand but continued to cool her son’s hand with the popsicle. My coworker gave me an annoyed look. Just a few minutes later the woman rushed out of the store and I saw her son eating the popsicle; she never paid for it. A few days later the same coworker told me that she came back the day after to complain about me to our manager. I “never apologized” to her and acted completely rude. What should I have apologized for? For her not telling her kid to not stick his hands everywhere they fit? Luckily our manager took my side and I never saw her again.)

Although Chocolate Does Contain Caffeine

, , , | Right | December 10, 2018

(I’m the idiot customer in this one. I’m ordering my drink after much deliberation, having already held up the queue for a good minute longer than I needed to purely because I am exhausted and flustered.)

Me: “Umm… Okay, I think I’ll have a salted caramel hot chocolate, please.”

Barista: “Sure thing.”

(He gives me a friendly smile; he has been patient throughout.)

Me: *relaxing enough to suddenly realize I missed something important* “Oh! Make sure it’s decaf, please. I’ve not been sleeping well, and the last thing I need is to make it worse.”

Barista: *doesn’t have the heart to point out that there’s no caffeine in a hot chocolate* “Sure thing, hon.”

Me: *super relieved, and relaxes enough to work out my own error* “Sorry…”

Barista: “Don’t worry about it; we all have those days.” *gives me another awesome smile and a free chocolate flake*

(Thank God for the kindness of strangers.)

A Gross Statement Of Gender Disparity

, , , , | Right | December 10, 2018

(I work in maintenance. I’m cleaning a spill as this occurs.)

Customer: “Oh, honey, I’m sorry.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You’re cleaning a gross mess.”

Me: “Well, yes. I’m maintenance.”

Customer: “But you’re a lady. Ladies shouldn’t clean gross messes unless it’s for their kids. They should get a man to do your job.”

Me: *speechless until she left*

Not Your Regular Pawn Shop

, , , , , , | Right | December 10, 2018

(I work in a small pawn shop. A regular comes in. He usually has unusual items he buys at garage sales to sell us. On this day he is slightly tipsy and empty-handed. My boss is working out in the back but can hear everything.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Regular]. What can I do for you?”

Regular: “Um… Yeah, this is going to sound weird, but how much for me?”

Me: *in shock* “I’m sorry?”

Regular: “I’m broke until tomorrow, but I need more beer, smokes, and something to eat. How much will you give on a loan for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, [Regular], but to pawn something, you need to leave the item here, so pawning yourself wouldn’t really help you.”

Regular: *with a sigh of defeat* “Oh, okay. Thanks, anyway.”

(He turns to leave but my boss stops him.)

Boss: “Hey, [Regular], in the twenty years I’ve owned the shop, that’s a first. I’ll personally loan you $50 just for having the balls to do it.”

(My boss — the owner — did lend him the money, and the regular was waiting for us to open the next morning to repay the loan. Over the next five years I worked there, he continued to sell us stuff. He would occasionally come in asking to pawn himself, and my boss always lent him the money.)

A Customer For The Archives

, , , | Right | December 10, 2018

(I work in a museum in the UK.)

Caller: “Hello. I’m conducting some family history research and I need information about [Person] buried in [Village].”

Me: “Unfortunately, our archivist is out of the office at the moment.”

Caller: “Well, that’s typical! These people get paid so much that they’re always on holiday!”

Me: “She’s actually meeting with a local history group, but she’ll be back shortly, so I’ll take a few details and ask her to call you when she returns.”

Caller: “Why can’t you get me the information? All you do all day is sit in an office answering the phone. You should get out more.”

Me: “The archivist is really the best person for this enquiry. I’ll just take some details.”

(The caller goes on for a bit about the information he wants, and I take notes. Then, suddenly, this happens:)

Caller: “I used to be an engineer, you know. I travelled the world. You people have no ambition or life experience. You think the world is the Internet. That’s all you know.”

Me: *ignoring his outburst* “So, I’ll pass on the information you’ve given me to our archivist.”

Caller: “You people don’t know what the real world is. You just sit in front of the Internet while our NHS gets exploited by foreigners. You need to do something with your life. I bet you’ve never even been abroad. Get some experience. Then you’ll realise why intelligent people like me voted for Brexit!”

(Despite having British parents and an “English” accent, I grew up “abroad.” However, given his views on “foreigners,” I decide not to mention this.)

Caller: “Nowhere else has a nationalised health service. You didn’t know that! We’re the only country that does. Everywhere else they have to have insurance and pay a fortune. That’s why they all want to come here.”

Me: *forcing myself not to correct him* “I think I’ve got everything I need to process your enquiry, so unless there’s any more family history information you’d like, you can leave this with me.”

Caller: “My family is related to [Famous Company]. You wouldn’t have heard of them, because if it’s not on the Internet, you don’t know about it.”

Me: “Right…”

Caller: “You should really educate yourself more. Do something with your life.”

Me: “Okay, well, right now, I’m going to take your enquiry to our archives department. Good day.”

(I hang up the phone, rest my head on the desk, and scream. The archivist pops her head round the door.)

Archivist: “I’m back! Oh, my… What happened while I was out?”

Me: “This guy would like you to call him back. Have fun!”

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