No Chicken Shall Bite On The Day Of Rest

, , , , | Right | June 15, 2018

(It is a Sunday afternoon, and the restaurant that I work at is right next to a fast food place which is well-known for being closed on Sundays. I’m working the drive-thru station when a woman pulls up and starts ordering multiple high-priced items.)

Me: “What else can I get for you today?”

Woman: “An order of chicken bites.”

(I turn and shoot my manager a look, as she also has a headset on and is hearing the entire conversation.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t carry chicken bites.”

Woman: “I want an order of your eight-piece chicken bites.”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t have chicken bites. We have only have chicken strips. We do have jalapeño bites, though, that come in an eight-count.”

Woman: “I want chicken bites.”

(At this point, my manager uses her headset to join the conversation. She repeats what I already told the woman and lists off a couple other menu items that the woman may be trying to order.)

Woman: “I was just here last week, and I got the chicken bites.”

Manager: “Ma’am, we have never carried chicken bites. We serve chicken tenders and chicken sandwiches, but not chicken bites or nuggets.”

Woman: “Cancel my order; I thought this was [Fast Food Place next door]!”

(I voided out her entire order, and she drove past the window to get to the parking lot for the other restaurant. From where I was, I could see her pull up to the front of the restaurant and realize that it was closed. She then came back through the drive-thru of my restaurant and ordered the same things she had just had me void off.)

Wants To Make Their Hot Chocolate Worth Waiting For

, , , , | Right | June 15, 2018

(Our cinema is showing a bunch of old films in the IMAX for a super-reduced price, for one day only, so we’re incredibly busy. Each screening of over 300 seats is practically sold out, so the other person on my area is called downstairs to help with serving. Even with every till on, the queues are 20 to 30 people long, and though they’re doing their best to be quick, there’s a pretty substantial wait in the queue. This is the story my coworker tells me when he gets back.)

Coworker: “Hey there. What can I get you today?”

Customer: “Do you serve hot chocolate here?”

Coworker: “Absolutely. Is that a large?”

Customer: “Oh, don’t worry. I’ll get it upstairs.”

Coworker: *confused* “I can do it here for you no problem.”

Customer: *having just stood in line for at least ten minutes to ask if we serve something* “No, it’s fine. I don’t want to waste your time.”

The Day The Interstate Was Won

, , , , , | Right | June 15, 2018

(My wife and I are looking at jewelry in the Old Town section of Albuquerque, which is a tourist destination, and I am making small talk with the owner.)

Me: “What’s the silliest question a tourist has ever asked you?”

Owner: “Easy. ‘Is it safe to drive the interstates out here?’”

Me: “Huh?”

Owner: “That’s what I said. He said, ‘Well, because of all the Indian attacks on wagon trains.’”

Me: “I don’t have any idea what to say to that.”

Owner: “Neither did I.”

A Large Number Of Number Calls

, , , , | Right | June 15, 2018

(I own a used auto parts store, primarily operating off of eBay. On the top of every listing in the “Condition” area, there is a disclaimer telling the customer that the only way to get the correct unit is if they match their part number off their unit with the one I am selling. There is another disclaimer in the “Description” area. There is another disclaimer on the very bottom in an area marked “Compatibility,” and there is a giant button on the right of the screen saying, “Will This Unit Fit My Car,” which takes you to a page telling you that you have to match the part number in order to make sure the part is correct for your car. I get this phone call more than once a day:)

Me: “Hello, [Store].”

Caller: “Yes, I see your listing you have on eBay for [part].”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “I want to know if it will match [Car].”

Me: “Does the part number match with the number off your original unit?”

Caller: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, that will be your first step; you need to match it up in order to make sure it will fit your car.”

Caller: “What I have is a [year, Make, and Model].”

Me: “Sure, but you still have to match the number. This unit might be for a car with different options than yours.”

Caller: “Mine is a [transmission option] with [trim].”

Me: “You still have to match the number to know if it will work.”

Caller: “Well, my VIN is [a thousand letters and numbers].”

Me: “You would have to match the number on the part.”

Caller: “Which number is that?”

Me: “The manufacturer’s part number… of the part.”

Caller: “And where is that located?”

Me: “On the part in your car that you’re looking to replace.”

Caller: “So, this part here you’re selling online will not match my car?”

Me: “It might, or it might not. The only way to know would be to match the number.”

Caller: *incredulously* “All righty… Bye-bye.” *click*

(MORE… THAN… ONCE… A DAY.)

This Call History Is Building

, , , , | Right | June 15, 2018

(We have several locations, but because people are out sick or on vacation, some locations don’t have certain “specialists” at the moment, especially the ones that don’t see as many people coming through. Most callers have been understanding about this, and have been fine with speaking to whoever is available. This caller, however…)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: *clearly irritated* “Is this the [Other Location] branch?!”

(I glance at the screen to see which phone number she called.)

Me: “Uh, no, ma’am. You’ve called [Our Location], but I can get you over to [Other Location].

Caller: *sarcastically* “Oh, can you, really? I have talked to several people and been transferred a dozen times, and I’m still not talking to someone out there!”

(I find this odd, as there are only three operators currently working, and in the last half hour each of us has only taken a couple of other calls. If one of us had heard from this woman more than once, we would have said something to the others. I know I haven’t gotten her, as all my callers to this  point have been men. Not to mention, if she wants the location she says she does, then it seems odd that she’s calling the number to a different branch.)

Me: “I’m very sorry about that, ma’am. I can definitely get you over to someone; what do you need to speak with someone about?”

Caller: “About [issue]!”

Me: “Certainly—”

Caller: “And I want to talk to someone at [Other Location]! I keep getting every other branch but that one!”

Me: “I do apologize. The person who usually handles [issue] at that branch is actually out sick today, but someone else can definitely help you out. If you need to come in and that location is most convenient, we can get someone out there for you.”

Caller: “I want someone who is actually sitting in the [Other Location] building!”

Me: “Ma’am, we only have one person at that location who can handle [issue], and she’s out sick today. But if you’ll give me just one moment, I can get someone on the line who can meet you at [Other Location]—”

Caller: “Oh, so, you’re going to transfer me, too?!”

Me: “Uh, yes, ma’am. I only answer the phones, so I wouldn’t be able to help you with [issue], but I’ll keep you on the line until I can get someone who can help. Bear with me one moment, please.”

(I put her on hold to start a transfer over to the next nearest location to her. One of the “specialists” answers after only a couple of rings and I breathe a sigh of relief.)

Me: “[Specialist], I’m really sorry, but I’ve got a cranky one for you, for [Other Location]. I tried to tell her someone could go out there if she needs, but apparently that isn’t good enough. She wants someone who is actually sitting at [Other Location], but, uh, that obviously can’t happen, and she’s pretty irate about it.”

Specialist: *sighs* “There’s always one, and she’s probably the one who hung up on [Other Specialist] twice already. Put her through.”

Me: “Here she is. Sorry, again.”

(I finish the transfer and shake my head.)

Coworker #1: “Was that a lady calling for [Other Location]? I just had her, and I told her pretty much what you just did. Just… didn’t do it more than once like you had to.”

Coworker #2: “I had her, too.”

Me: “Well, it sounds like she hung up on [Other Specialist] a couple times, probably after finding out that he wasn’t sitting in the building ten miles away. Some people…”

(The specialist messaged me just a bit later that the woman hung up on him, too, after being informed that, no, he was not sitting in the other building but could meet her out there. For some reason, she was apparently under the impression that they couldn’t help her because they weren’t in the building she wanted them to be in right that moment.)

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