This Museum Rocks!

, , , , , | Right | October 22, 2018

(I’m the idiot in this story. My husband and I are at a museum featuring an oceanic exhibit. In one hall there is a large touch tank. Being the wuss I am, I am very nervous to touch anything, but my husband convinces me to try. I pick a smooth-looking creature close to the edge of the tank, and carefully stroke it with one finger. The girl supervising the tank smiles at me.)

Worker: “Doesn’t that one feel like a rock?”

Me: *with excitement and wonder* “Yeah! It really does!”

Worker: “That’s because it is.”

Dude, Your Bunny Has Scales!

, , , , | Right | October 22, 2018

(It is my first day at an exotic pet store. I was supposed to work the register but because it is a small shop I greet customers. It is a slow day and I am about to go on lunch when a customer reeking of weed comes in. He has been wandering around for a few minutes when he asks me this:)

Customer: “How much is that rabbit by the door?”

Me: *pulling out the price book* “Which one? Different breeds have different costs.”

Customer: *pointing* “No, the one by the front door.”

Me: “Sir, that’s a chameleon used for our breeding program. It’s not for sale.”

Customer: “So I can’t buy it?”

Me: “Well, that’s what ‘not for sale’ means.”

Hypocrisy Goes At Its Own Pace

, , , , | Right | October 22, 2018

(I work in a discount supermarket and usually we’re three people on one shift, but today we’re suddenly one worker short. I am walking towards the till where a couple of customers are waiting. Another customer asks me a question as I am walking and I stop for a second to answer her, when I suddenly hear a loud whistling sound.)

Customer: *clearly a bit tipsy, even though it’s only nine am* “HEY! God, that was slow!”

Me: *already at the counter, scanning another customer’s items* “I’m sorry, but we’re really understaffed today. I promise I’m going as quickly as I can!”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, whatever. It just cannot be that you take such a long time to come over and take care of paying customers!”

(The customer I’m currently dealing with laughs nervously and is clearly uncomfortable.)

Me: “Well, we cannot be everywhere when we’re short on staff and so many products are waiting to be put on shelves, but I am just going to go really quickly with your items here so you can get out of here and enjoy the day!”

(I keep smiling and scan his items in a jiffy. All the while he keeps ranting about how insane it is that I was so slow to serve him. As the time for him to pay comes…)

Customer: *fumbling in all his pockets* “Oh, it seems I cannot find my wallet… Just hold on a sec.”

Me: *jokingly* “Well, I guess it’s your turn to be slow now!”

(The customer looked up at me with a VERY embarrassed look on his face while he kept fumbling for his money, holding up all the other customers in line. He never found the money and left the store with his head low, mumbling apologetically. Even though he didn’t apologize, he clearly realized his hypocrisy and was VERY quiet when he came back with the money. This totally made my otherwise stressful day.)

Stupidity Is Its Own Reward, Part 6

, , , | Right | October 22, 2018

I’m working the till at a large cosmetic store. Two customers approach the counter and one sets their items down.)

Me: “Thank you for your patience. What’s your phone number for your rewards card?”

Customer #1: *stares at [Customer #2], who is on her phone*

Me: *turning to [Customer #2]* “Phone number for rewards card?”

Customer #2:: *holds up online coupon* “I have this!”

Me: “All right, we’ll get that on here in just a moment. Do you have a rewards card?”

Customer #2: *shoves the phone in my face and loudly proclaims* “THIS is what I have!”

Me: “All right, ma’am.”

(I ring up their items, and they pay and leave. [Customer #2] comes storming back a few minutes later, waving her receipt.)

Customer #2: “WHY ISN’T MY REWARDS CARD ON HERE?! YOU PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO CHEAT ME OUT OF MY POINTS!”

Me: *stunned speechless*

Related:
Stupidity Is Its Own Reward, Part 5
Stupidity Is Its Own Reward, Part 4
Stupidity Is Its Own Reward, Part 3

Maybe The Chickens Were Vegetarian?

, , , | Right | October 21, 2018

(My family decides to go out to eat for dinner at a popular Mexican restaurant near us. The young waiter brings us our drinks, and then proceeds to take our meal orders. My mom, who is sitting to my left, orders last.)

Waiter: “And what can I get for you, ma’am?”

Mom: “A vegetarian burrito with chicken, please.”

(The waiter stares at her in confused silence; meanwhile, the rest of us are trying to hold in our laughter.)

Dad: “She’ll just have the chicken burrito.”

(The poor waiter looked as confused as ever when he left our table and we all burst out laughing!)

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