Some Customers Can’t Help It

, , , | Right | July 20, 2018

(I am a cashier in a large supermarket. One day I am putting up housewares when a couple comes up to me:)

Customer: “Do you work over here?” *points to housewares*

Me: *jokingly* “No, I’m just a cashier; we don’t know much.” *seriously* “But if I can’t help, I will find someone who can. What can I help you with?”

Customer: *laughs at my joke* “Well, I need to know if you have any [weird thing].”

Me: “I don’t believe we have any of them, but I will go ask [Coworker]; she will know for sure.”

Customer: “No, it’s okay.” *she walks away* “She didn’t even try to help us!”

Has Minimum Understanding

, , , , | Right | July 20, 2018

(Two customers have been shopping together and sharing a basket, but they’re purchasing their items separately.)

Me: “Okay, this is going to be $3.49.”

([Customer #1] goes to hand me her credit card.)

Me: “Oh, I’m afraid we have a $5.00 card minimum.”

([Customer #1] looks at [Customer #2] with a deer-in-the-headlights face.)

Customer #2: *to [Customer #1]* “Oh, it’s fine; she’ll put your card through, anyway.”

(I start to shake my head and open my mouth to say no, I won’t waive the minimum, but [Customer #1] adds a piece of candy to her order.)

Customer #1: “What am I at now?”

Me: “$4.25. You could grab a $.99 drink, or another pack of gum?”

Customer #2: “Wait, you’re going to make her get to exactly $5.00?”

Me: “Well, we can make an exception starting at $4.95, but yes, it’s a $5.00 minimum.”

([Customer #1] adds another pack of gum and is able to pay with her card. Meanwhile [Customer #2] is staring at me with the most confused, grumpy look on his face.)

Customer #2: “Here, I have cash!”

Me: “Awesome, your total is $3.00.”

Customer #2: “So, you really wouldn’t just put that on my card?”

Me: “No, we have a $5.00 card minimum.”

(Amazingly, the cashier isn’t allowed to change the rules of the store! He honestly couldn’t comprehend that a card minimum means you need to spend that much to use your card.)

Lower Your Guard, Not Your Price

, , , , | Right | July 20, 2018

(I manage a distribution center, but I am filling in for the manager of another facility for the week. One of the duties of the branch manager is to fill all walk-in orders.)

Customer: “What are your prices?”

Me: *indicating clearly-marked price board* “The prices are [amount] and [volume discount price].”

Customer: “Well, I always pay [lower price]. I buy from the other branch all the time and they give me a discount!”

Me: “You mean the facility in [City]?”

Customer: “Yes, I purchase from them all the time! You should give me the same price.”

Me: “That’s odd; I don’t recall ever seeing you before.”

Customer: “Why would you have seen me before?!”

Me: “I am the manager of the branch in [City], and I handle all accounts for that location.”

Customer: “Um, I’ll just take [product] at regular price.”

Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day, sir.”

Not A Remodel, The Store Is Just Having A Tantrum

, , , | Right | July 20, 2018

(I am at work, and we are currently having our store remodeled. The entire inside has been gutted, to be completely rebuilt. We’re currently operating out of a trailer right next to it. Three customers walk into the temporary office, one after another. Note: there are construction trucks, huge garbage dumpsters, and construction personnel outside, and there are signs posted everywhere.)

Me: “Hello! Welcome to [Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer #1: “Are you guys remodeling?”

Me: “Yes, we are! They’re remodeling the entire inside of our store for us!”

Customer #1: “Wow, that must be rough, having to work in a small trailer like this. How long have you been in here?”

Me: “Oh, it’s not that bad, actually; we’ve only been in here about a month now.”

Customer #1: “That’s a long time! I bet you guys miss having your building! How long until they’re done?”

Me: “They should be done in about one more month. How can I help you today?”

(I process her transactions, and she pays and leaves. [Customer #2], who has been behind her the whole time, comes up.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer #2: “I guess you guys are doing a remodel or something, huh?”

Me: “Yes, sir, they’ve been working hard at it for about a month now, but we’ve only got about one more month to go until they’re done.”

Customer #2: “Well, that’s great. I know you guys have been here a long time. I bet it sucks working in a tiny space like this, though.”

Me: “It’s not so bad. What can I do for you today?”

(I process his transactions, and he pays and leaves. [Customer #3] comes up, who has also been inside the whole time.)

Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

Customer #3: “Good, thanks. I couldn’t get into the main store; are y’all doing some construction or something?”

(Before I can even reply, [Customer #4] walks in.)

Customer #4: *nearly shouting* “What’s wrong with your building?”

Me: *mental facepalm*

(Sadly, nearly everyone who comes in asks those exact same questions, and make the same jokes about how they bet we wish we had our store back, etc. I can’t wait until we actually do have our store back!)

Not Indebted To That Refund

, , , , , , | Right | July 20, 2018

(I work for a utility company in a department called “aged debt.” Basically we handle all accounts where we have not had payment for 18 months or longer.)

Customer: “I want to speak to a manager right now!” *continues shouting incoherently so I have no idea what is actually wrong*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to put you through to a manager, but I need to know what the problem is first, or they won’t take the call.”

Customer: *sighing irritably* “Fine. I got a nasty letter from you saying I haven’t paid my bill and I owe you all this money, but I paid you. How dare you send me threatening letters telling customers they haven’t paid when they have?! I’m going to sue you for harassment and defamation!”

Me: “Oh. I’m terribly sorry, sir. Can I get your account number so I can look into this?”

(The customer begrudgingly gives me details, and I see that, true to his word, his balance is at zero.)

Me: “Yes, I can see your balance is paid. Do you have the letter with you?”

Customer: “Yes, I have it in my hand right now.”

Me: “What is the date on the top corner of the letter?”

(The customer reads the date and it turns out that it was sent out the day before he paid the bill off in full.)

Me: “The letter was sent the day before you paid. It can take three to five days to receive them. It just crossed in the post. I’m very sorry, sir. Please disregard it. I can confirm your account is all paid and up to date, and no further letters have been issued.”

Customer: “So, you think it’s okay to threaten customers who paid?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but as I said, the letter left our office the day before you paid. At that time, you did have a balance.”

Customer: “Well, I want to be refunded all the money I paid, to compensate me for the stress of having to read a letter that you never should have sent.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, sir, but as I said, that letter went out the day before you paid the bill. By the time you did pay it, it had already left the office.”

Customer: “That’s not good enough! I demand compensation!”

Me: *now getting a little irritated at the cyclical conversation* “There wasn’t anything we could have done, unless you think we should have chased the mailman and taken it from him before it got delivered to you.”

Customer: “Don’t be f****** stupid. Just don’t send out letters that say customers haven’t paid when they f****** have.” *hangs up*

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