She’s Getting A Dolphin And That’s Fin-al!

, , , , , | Right | February 17, 2020

(I’m a face painter at a famous zoo in California. All of our face paints on our menus have text explaining what they are, i.e., a kid wearing a lion face paint will have text on the bottom saying “lion.” A family comes up to me first thing in the morning and looks at our face paint menus. The little girl chooses a dolphin and the aunt walks over to the register to pay for it.)

Aunt: “Which one did she pick?”

Mom: “The dolphin.”

(The aunt tries to find the picture of the dolphin on my display boards which is not pictured. She points to the elephant.)

Aunt: “This dolphin?”

(I show her the picture on the menu; she ignores me and then points to the shark.)

Aunt: “Oh! This is the dolphin, but does it have to have a horn? Can you paint a flower, instead?”

(I look at what she’s pointing at and see she’s talking about the dorsal fin — the top fin on the shark.)

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a shark. And that’s not a horn, it’s a dorsal fin.”

(I point out the dolphin.)

Me: “This is the dolphin.”

Aunt: “That one has a horn, too! Can you paint a flower, instead?”

Mom: “She knows what she’s doing. Just pay her so we can get started.”

(I ring her up and then go to the kid. While I’m painting, I hear the aunt and mom talking.)

Aunt: “I thought she wasn’t going to paint the horn.”

Mom: “It’s a dorsal fin.”

Aunt: “What’s a dorsal fin?”

Mom: “I don’t know; we haven’t learned about it on Octonauts yet.”

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He Should Just Put A Plug In It

, , , | Right | February 17, 2020

(I’m in line at the local supermarket. The cashier is rather new and a bit slow sometimes, so people often lose their patience with him, but he is very nice, often making a bit of small talk with his customers, and I don’t mind waiting a bit longer when I’m in his line. Finally, it’s my turn. As I begin loading the already scanned items in my bag, he suddenly speaks up.)

Cashier: “I’ve never tried these. Are they any good?”

(I stop dead in my tracks, just looking at him for a few seconds. He has a pack of tampons in his hands and looks up at me expectantly. I have no idea what to say or if he’s even talking about what I think he’s talking about because… what?)

Me: “Sorry?”

Cashier: *gestures to the bottle of flavoured water I am just about to put in my bag* “Are they good?”

Me: “Oh! Yes, it’s delicious.”

(The rest of the transaction was spent in awkward silence. Not the best timing, dude.)

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A Vacation With No End Date? Must Be Nice

, , , , | Right | February 17, 2020

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]; how can I assist you today?”

Caller: “I want to book a flight to Virginia Beach for Christmas break.”

Me: “Okay, and what day would you like to leave?”

Caller: “Oh… I didn’t know you were going to ask me that… I guess I’ll have to call back.”

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He May Have Rhythm But His Grandparents’ Tone Needs Work

, , , , , | Right | February 17, 2020

(I work in a music school that, among other things, offers classes for babies and toddlers. I get this phone call today.) 

Customer: “Hi. I had a question about registering my grandson for your baby class. I have a coupon from your ad, but can I use that if I register online?”

Me: “Sure, there will be a part in the online form to put your coupon information from the ad.”

Customer: “Oh, great! I’m so excited to get him started! He’s always wiggling and moving around when he hears music. His mother and I never moved like that. It must be from his father; he’s one-quarter black.”

Me: *speechless*

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He’s Really Bitter About That Sugar

, , , , | Right | February 16, 2020

(I’m working on the tills at a fast food restaurant when one of the customers orders one meal and a drink. Drinks usually cost £1, but due to the sugar tax recently introduced in the UK, soda costs £1.10. The customer orders a Pepsi.)

Me: “I’m afraid the Pepsi will be £1.10 instead of £1 due to sugar taxes.”

Customer: “Sugar tax? There’s no such thing as sugar tax. You’re a f****** liar, [My Name].”

(I am unsure how to respond to this until he says he’ll pay the 10p anyway. I continue on the till when I hear a commotion by the collection point.)

Customer: “WHERE’S MY F****** MINI-FILLET BURGER?! WHY DID YOU GET MY ORDER WRONG?! GET ME MY MINI-FILLET BURGER NOW!”

(I’m sick of the customer but ask to see his receipt and offer to make a separate order for a mini-fillet burger, knowing full well it wasn’t a part of his original order.)

Customer: “I don’t have my receipt. Why would I?”

(At our restaurant, each order has an order number, printed on the receipt, that is called out when the order is ready, so he certainly does have his receipt and, at this point, I realise he is trying to get free food.)

Me: “Well, in that case, I’m afraid I cannot check your order to see if the mini-fillet wen—”

Customer: “THE MINI-FILLET WENT THROUGH BECAUSE I PAID EXTRA FOR IT!” *turns to kitchen staff* “GET ME MY MINI-FILLET NOW!”

(A few minutes later, a coworker hands him a free mini-fillet, and the customer complains that it’s “not wrapped correctly.” We’re all sick of him at this point, but eventually, he sits down to eat. I finish up on the tills and then head out to clean the lobby.)

Customer: “[My Name]! Get me the manager. Now. This entire restaurant is appalling.”

Me: “I’m really sorry you’re disappointed. My manager is working up front–” *points to my manager* “–if you’d like to have a word with her.”

Customer: “NO! You can go get her for me.”

(Basically, the customer is so lazy he can’t be bothered to get up and speak to the manager himself. I inform the manager, who has decided to ignore the customer entirely — rightly so, as there is not an actual issue. So, I walk out to the lobby when he calls me over.)

Me: “I’m really sorry, but the manager’s not available right now. She’ll be with you shortly.”

(I’ve not got the patience to deal with him.)

Customer: “Tell her it’s rude to make customers wait.”

(I went back, explained to the manager what he was doing, came back, apologised, and continued cleaning the lobby. As I did so, the customer continually harassed me for the manager and eventually got up to harass the manager himself. The manager ignored him completely, refusing to say a word to him, until he eventually left. That customer spent over two hours harassing me, the kitchen staff, and the manager before he left. If he’d stayed any longer, the manager probably would have called the police. The worst part of it, though, is that someone has a sad enough life to harass a restaurant for free food and false negativity. It also would have been better if I’d stayed at home like I was supposed to be doing that day and wasn’t called in to cover for someone, but oh, well.)

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