Retail: Where “Just In Time” Means 20 Minutes Late

, , , , | Right | January 19, 2018

(I’m a cashier. Our store closes at 8:00 pm and we give our customers reminders that our store is closing every five minutes from 7:45 to 8:00. We make sure we say our announcements loud and clear. By 8:10, I am finally checking out what I think will be my last customer of the night and my manager calls for a security count. A few minutes later a woman comes up with four items.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay today?”

Customer: “Yeah, thanks. So, I decided I don’t want these two items.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. Your total comes to [amount].”

Customer: *as she’s paying* “What time do y’all close?”

Me: “Uh, we closed at eight.”

Customer: “Oh, great! I made it just in time!”

(It was around 8:15 or 8:20 by then.)

How To Be A Stain In The Neck

, , , , , , | Right | January 19, 2018

(I always go to one particular local dry cleaner, because it’s run by an older lady with an amazing personality, and I often get into hilarious conversations with her when I drop off clothes. This is a story she relates to me about some of her other customers.)

Customer: *over the phone* “Yes, hello. How do I get this stain out of my shirt?”

Cleaner: “Well, if you bring the shirt in, I would be happy to clean it for you.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I don’t need you bring it in; it’s just the one stain, so you can just tell me how to clean it.”

Cleaner: *thinking, “that’s not how a dry cleaner works”* “Okay, I’ll try… What kind of fabric is the shirt?”

Customer: *impatient sigh* “It’s my favorite dress shirt!”

Cleaner: “Uh, okay… What kind of stain is it?”

Customer: “You’re supposed to be the expert, here! Why can’t you tell me anything?!”

Cleaner: “I just need to know—”

Customer: “No! I’m the one asking the questions, here! What is your problem?!”

Cleaner: “The problem is that I just don’t know how you expect me to see your shirt down the phone. Good luck with your stain!”

Twice The IDs, Half The Brain

, , , , | Right | January 19, 2018

(After the release of a certain explicit movie based on a book, my cinema chain has cracked down on checking IDs to make sure we don’t receive fines for underage viewers. A group of teenage girls, who are clearly between 16 and 18, approach the counter. I know I have to ask them for ID, but because they are so excited and I need to get through a busy queue quickly, I internally decide that if just one of them can show me they’re over the age, then I will let the others slide.)

Me: “I’m going to need to see some ID before I can sell the tickets to you.”

Girl #1: *smug* “Well, I’ll show you mine, since I’m buying them.”

Me: “Sure, whatever.” *takes offered driving license*

Girl #1: “So, how much?”

Me: “Uh, this says you’re seventeen. I can’t let you in. Sorry.”

Girl #1: “What? Let me see that!”

(She snatches back her license and studies it. I watch as her eyes widen in understanding.)

Girl #2: “[Girl #1], what’s the problem? You said you’d make sure that we could get in.”

Girl #1: *in undertone* “S***, I gave the real one.” *to me in normal voice* “Hey, can I give you my other ID?”

Me: “You’re asking if you can give me your other ID that has a different age on it?”

Girl #1: “Yes!”

Me: “No. See you later.”

(Nice try!)

They Should Make An App For That

, , , , | Right | January 18, 2018

(An elderly woman walks in.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I want to read the Bible from my phone and my grandson told me to get it from the app store. Can you give me directions?”

Me: “Directions to what?”

Customer: “The app store. He didn’t tell me where it is, and I don’t know how to use my GPS.”

(I explained to her what the app store was, she walked away, embarrassed.)

What Goes Up…

, , , , , , | Right | January 18, 2018

(A customer is trying to haggle my manager for a discount. The manager is feeling generous.)

Customer: “Can you give me a discount today?”

Manager: “Yeah, sure. What about 10%?”

Customer: “What about 20%?”

Manager: “I could do 20.”

Customer: “If you could do 20, what about 30%.”

Manager: “Just for you, I’ll do 30%, but that’s as high as I can go.”

Customer: “No, what about 40%.”

Manager: “No, I can only go as high as 30%”

Customer: *now demanding* “You can do 50% for me.”

Manager: *now feeling less generous* “20%.”

Customer: “Hold on; you just said 30%.”

Manager: “And now it’s 20%; you keep going up and I’ll be going down.”

Customer: “But I want 50%.”

Manager: “10%.”

Customer: “Just give me the 40%, then.”

Manager: “And now it’s nothing.”

Customer: “You can’t do that.”

Manager: “I just did; it’s now back to full price. I tried giving you what you wanted, but you just kept wanting more, so no deal.”

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