Get Them To The Church On Time

, , , , | | Right | May 21, 2019

Caller: “Can I get a [premium service] taxi?”

Me: “Well, we do require a half-hour notice for that and—“

Caller: “But it’s my wedding day!”

Me: “…”

Revealing Your Age Is A Kick In The Teeth

, , | | Right | May 21, 2019

(A customer is trying to describe something from the 70s to one of my coworkers. I know what she is talking about and say so.)

Customer: “How do you know about that? You are too young to know about that.”

Me: “I was in high school then.”

Customer: “What? No, you definitely don’t look your age.”

Me: *smiling* “Thanks.”

Customer: “And you have your own teeth!”

Me: “Huh?”

Customer: “People your age usually don’t have their own teeth; good on you for looking after them.”

Hail To The Bus Driver, Part 8

, , , , | | Right | May 21, 2019

(I’m on a bus. The driver is a substitute and does not normally drive this route, and as such has made several wrong turns, etc. All three passengers, including me, have just laughed it off and tried to help her get back on track. We’ve reached the end of the line, where all three of us happen to be getting off.)

Driver: “Sorry about that. Thanks for being patient with me.”

Passenger #1: “No big deal. We got here in the end, and we’re only a few minutes late.”

Passenger #2: “Honestly, I’m not in a hurry. It was actually kind of amusing.”

Driver: “Well, at least you didn’t yell at me.”


Hail To The Bus Driver, Part 7
Hail To The Bus Driver, Part 6
Hail To The Bus Driver, Part 5

Strawberry Shakes, Forever

, , , , , | | Right | May 21, 2019

(I work at a restaurant commonly known for its ice cream treats. A table of teenage boys sits down.)

Me: “Hi, guys! I’m your server tonight. What can I get you to drink?”

Teenager #1: “Can I get a vanilla shake?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

Teenager #2: “Can I get one, too?”

Me: “Sure thing!”

Teenager #3: “I want to do a strawberry.”

Me: “Not a problem! I’ll be right—”

Teenager #2: “Oh! That sounds good. Can you do strawberry and vanilla all mixed?!”

Me: “So… a strawberry shake, then?”

Those Door Unfortunate Souls

, , | | Right | May 21, 2019

(Our department store is connected to a mall on one side; the other three sides have doors to the parking lot. The mall requires us to lock our mall doors, which are heavy sliding panels, right when the mall closes at nine, and we are not supposed to let people through after hours. This is hardly an inconvenience; late customers can be let out of any of our outside doors, and the mall’s own entrances are kept unlocked for another half-hour, so it’s easy to reach whichever parking lot you need, and the mall is small enough you can walk around the outside of it in ten minutes. Despite all this, people still tend to lose their d*** minds over these doors. I’m counting my register a few minutes after closing when a woman starts knocking on the glass of the mall door.)

Me: *to a coworker* “Um, someone’s over there.”

Coworker #1: “Just ignore her. We’re closed, and we’re not reopening those doors, whatever it is.”

(I keep counting, and the woman keeps knocking.)

Me: *to another coworker* “That woman’s trying to get our attention. Could you see what she wants?”

Coworker #2: “I need to deposit my cash.”

(The woman has been knocking for several minutes now. I finally finish closing my drawer, lock up the cash, and go to check on her. I’m worried she forgot something important inside the store, like her cell phone or car keys.)

Me: *through the glass* “Hello?”

Woman: “Can I get through to my car?”

Me: “No.”

(There was a mall entrance fifty feet away from her. She could have been on her way home in the time it took her to ask me that question.)

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