Crocodile Denial, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | August 13, 2020

I work as a tour guide at a wildlife park. Today, I am showing a tour group of senior high school and college students from the US around our wildlife park. We arrive at one of the saltwater crocodiles, which are bigger and more dangerous than alligators. This one is five metres long and weighs nearly a metric tonne, and he is on the bank with only his tail in the water.

We are standing on a raised platform looking down at him. I finish my talk about crocodiles.

Me: “Does anyone have any questions?”

Tourist: “How do you make the crocodile do tricks?”

Me: *Pause* “I do not make him do tricks.”

Tourist: “But he’s just sitting there.”

Me: “Yes, crocodiles save their energy for when they need it. See how he’s watching us? He won’t move unless he decides it’s worth the effort.”

Tourist: “You should poke him.”

Me: “I’m not going to poke him.”

Tourist: “C’mon, he won’t move, I bet.”

Me: “He absolutely will move; he is very territorial. We do not enter his pen without a lot of precautions; he can attack very quickly.”

Tourist: “But he looks so lazy.”

Me: “Again, because he is saving his energy.”

Tourist: “I’m going to jump in there.”

The tourist goes to swing his foot up over the railing. Whether or not he’s joking doesn’t matter; I pull him back from the barrier.

Me: “Absolutely do not do that. You will die. And I will not be going in to save you.”

Tourist: “You won’t?”

Me: “No.”

He finally moved on after that.

Related:
Crocodile Denial

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Not Very Closed-Minded, Part 39

, , , | Right | August 13, 2020

The store I work at closes at 11:00 pm. Even though it’s been like that for years, people still show up at the last minute. Many times, we’ve had to turn people away because we’re closed and ready to go home. It’s a small store, so all the registers are right next to the front door. It’s 11:10, so, of course, we have already turned the sliding door off. I am pulling the very last cash drawer when suddenly someone starts forcing the doors open.

Customer: “Can I get a bottle of booze?”

Me: “No, sir, we closed ten minutes ago.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because we close at 11:00.”

Customer: “Since when?”

Me: “Six years ago.”

Customer: “How was I supposed to know you were closed?”

Me: “You had to forcibly open the sliding doors that were turned off.”

Customer: “Whatever. You’re a b****, anyway.”

Me: “I’m okay with that. You still need to leave.”

Customer: “Fine.”

He mumbled something about bad customer service on his way out.

Related:
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 38
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 37
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 36
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 35
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 34

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Violating The Universal Amount Of Cream

, , , | Right | August 13, 2020

My wife and I own a coffee shop. One day, a customer comes in and asks for a free cup of coffee because the last time she was in the drive-thru her coffee was “undrinkable.”

Wife: “Yes, of course. Can I ask what was wrong with your coffee?”

Customer: “It had the wrong amount of cream!”

She pulls out her smartphone.

Wife: “This is what your coffee looked like; this is what coffee should look like.”

She scrolls back and forth several times between photos of coffee from above.

Wife: “Your coffee. My coffee. Your coffee. My coffee.”

She apparently thought there was a universal amount of cream that should be added to coffee and we violated that standard.

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Would You Cheese Be More Specific

, , , , | Right | August 13, 2020

I pick online orders at a grocery store. Customers forget to add one or two items to their orders all the time. It’s no big deal to add on a forgotten item to the order. I have just finished shopping an order and I call the customer to discuss an out-of-stock item. She is okay with my substitution, and she adds this comment.

Customer: “So, I couldn’t figure out how to add one thing to my online cart when I was trying to place the order.”

Me: “Okay, what did you want to add?”

Customer: “I believe it was the chunk cheese.”

Me: “All right, which type did you want?”

Customer: “Yeah, it was the chunk cheese. It wouldn’t let me add that.”

Me: “I can grab it for you and add it to your order. Which kind did you want?”

Customer: “The chunk cheese.”

Me: *Mental head-desk* “What type of chunk cheese did you want?”

Customer: “It’s buy-one-get-one.”

Me: “Okay, did you have a specific type in mind?”

Customer: “Yes, one mild and one sharp.”

I decided it’s not worth it to ask for a brand, especially since I can look for the BOGO price tag.

Me: “Okay, I will grab that for you.”

Customer: “Are you able to add that to my order?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Yes. I will add one mild cheddar and one sharp cheddar chunk cheese that’s BOGO to your order. Is there anything else you would like to add?”

Customer: “No, that was it.”

Me: *Internally* “Thank God for that.”

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Check Yourself Before You Self-Checkout, Part 4

, , , , , | Right | August 12, 2020

We have a national coin shortage due to the health crisis. As a result, our self-checkouts are credit or debit card only. There are bright orange signs in front of the self-checkout area and at each station.

As soon as you scan your first item, there is a prompt reminding you that it’s cards only and asking if you want to proceed. You have to press “no” or “yes” to continue. “Yes” is the second option.

Having read many stories of people managing to ignore the most blatant signs on this site, I have to ask the person manning the area a question.

Me: “Do people still try to pay with cash?”

Cashier: “All day long!”

Related:
Check Yourself Before You Self-Checkout, Part 3
Check Yourself Before You Self-Checkout, Part 2
Check Yourself Before You Self-Checkout

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