Don’t Give Them Credit (Cards) For Trying

, , , | Right | August 15, 2017

(I’m at an online gaming company, getting trained for call-ins from customers. This is my first call, so my trainer’s looped in and can take over at any moment, and my entire class is listening in. No pressure, right?)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Game Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I assist you?”

Caller: “Hi, I need help recovering some account information so I can play.”

Me: “Okay, let’s see what we can do. What’s your name, sir?”

Caller: *long pause* “My name is…”

(The customer proceeds to badly mispronounce an extremely common Asian name — think someone trying to pronounce the “h” in Thomas.)

Me: “Thank you, and for your secret question, [question]?”

(I begin typing up a report of the likely sale or compromise of the account as my trainer mutes his line and covers his mouth to keep from laughing.)

Caller: *correct answer, again mispronounced*

Me: “Thank you very much!” *look to the trainer, who’s biting his hand but nods as I lock the account for investigation* “What can I do for you?”

Caller: “Well, I’m on vacation in California–” *caller is calling from LA on an account registered to Boston* “–and I left my credit card at home, so my account’s expired. Is there any way you could tell me the credit card number on the account?”

Me: *quickly muting the call as several of my fellow employees are now laughing* “I’m so sorry to hear, but if you like we can associate your account with another card that you do have.”

Caller: “No, I left my wallet at home and don’t have any of my cards. I need that card so I can play again.”

Me: “Is there nobody you know who can go to your home and retrieve it? Having a vacation without any funds can’t be easy.”

Caller: “No, I want that card’s number. Give it to me.”

Me: “Well, I’m afraid we only have the last four digits visible. The rest is encrypted.”

Caller: “What? This is horrible service! I demand you tell me my full card!”

Me: *muting again as several coworkers are leaving the room; they know where this is going* “Sir, I’m afraid that the encryption is for your security. This protects against potential credit fraud.”

Caller: “I don’t care! I’m the customer. I called customer service! Service me!”

Me: “If you can visit one of several common stores in the area, they can sell you a time card, but I’m unable to share any credit card information on the account with you except for the last four digits and the expiration date; anything else is encrypted, and our company would be in breach of several consumer safety laws if it weren’t.”

Caller: “Fine! I’ll tell all my friends about how awful you’ve been. You’ve just lost over a hundred customers!”

Me: “I understand. I do hope you enjoy the rest of your vacation, Mr.—“ *copies caller’s pronunciation of customer’s name* “Have a good day.” *disconnect the call*

Trainer: “I don’t know whether to write you up or commend you for that.”

Using Alternative Words

, , , , | Right | August 14, 2017

Me: “Can I get you anything?”

Customer: “No, thank you. I was wondering, though, why are there so many alternative couples in here?”

Me: “Alternative?”

Customer: “Well, gay. I don’t like using that word though because it normalises the perverse.”

Me: “I see… Well, this is a gay bar, so that’s why there are so many gay couples.”

Customer: “Oh, an alternative bar! How interesting. Are you alternative?”

Me: “Yes, I’m gay.”

Customer: “How interesting!”

(Other than referring to anything gay as “alternative” she seemed quite pleased with everything and spent most of the evening with us.)

Lose The Bike Or Take A Hike

, , , , | Right | August 14, 2017

(A customer service supervisor and I are working the front desk on a busy Saturday morning. A woman walks in to the store followed closely by a boy, who looks to be about 10-11, who is riding a bicycle. The woman goes to get a cart and the boy starts riding circles in our front area.)

Supervisor: “Excuse me, ma’am, he can’t ride his bike in here.”

Woman: *waving him off* “Oh, don’t worry about him. He will be fine.”

Supervisor: I’m sorry, he can’t ride a bike in here; someone might get hurt. He will have to leave the bike outside.”

Woman: *getting angry* “We can’t leave the bike outside! IT WILL GET STOLEN!”

(Meanwhile, the child is still riding circles and essentially blocking the entire front area. Other customers are trying to get through but can’t because they run the risk of getting hit by the kid.)

Supervisor: “Fine, leave the bike up here and we will keep an eye on it, while you shop. He cannot ride it through the store. We can’t have anyone getting hurt.”

Woman: “Are you kidding me? Do you see how busy it is? If you take your eyes off of it for a second someone will snatch it. He will be f—“

(The woman can’t finish her sentence as the child crashes into a display of grape jelly. The display is about four feet tall and the jars are glass. We watch as the kid crashes to the floor and then the display topples over, sending jars, glass, and grape jelly all over the floor. None of the debris hits the kid, but he is lying on the floor in shock.)

Woman: “I am not cleaning that up!”

Supervisor: “No, but you are going to pay for all the damaged merchandise.”

Woman: “I will not! That display was flimsy. I will sue if he is hurt.”

Supervisor: “I’m calling the police.” *goes to grab the phone*

Woman: *wide eyed* “No, no, no, don’t do that!”

(She grabbed the child and the bike and ran out the door. The supervisor and I started asking the other customers in the vicinity if they were okay. Fortunately, nobody was hurt. The supervisor ran outside to try to catch the woman, but she had disappeared. Two of my coworkers and I spent over two hours cleaning the big mess.)

This Is Complete Bull

, , , , | Right | August 14, 2017

Customer: “Hey, I’m looking for a cow costume.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I actually have several cows. I’ll bring one right out.”

Customer: “You have several? Good, I actually want two: a male and a female.”

Me: “Okay, sir, I’ll be right back with both.”

(A short time later.)

Me: “Here is the cow, and this is one of our bulls. I actually have him in three colors: black, white, or brown. Do you have a preference?”

Customer: “A bull? That’s your male cow?”

Me: “Uh, yes. A bull is a male cow.”

Customer: *skeptically* “I don’t know about that.” *leaves without getting anything*

No Arguments Where Arguments Are Valid

, , , , , | Right | August 14, 2017

(At the store where I work we have a highly controversial return policy. We do not do refunds, and our customers are not huge fans of this.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Uh, yeah, hi, I have a little problem with my purchase. I’m not sure who to talk to about this, and I hope someone can help me.”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Caller: “I was in your store last week to make a purchase. In the middle of the transaction, I asked the cashier if she could check a price for me. She forgot to take the item off my purchases, and ended up charging me for it. I know that your store has a no refunds policy, but what can be done?”

(Judging from the tone of her voice, she seems really worried, when in reality it’s a problem that can be easily solved.)

Me: “Although you’re right about that, your situation is a little different, ma’am. In this case, it was a genuine mistake made by one of our cashiers. You didn’t actually buy it from us; you were mistakenly charged for it. Our final sale policy only applies to, well, sales.”

Caller: “So, I can get my money back?”

Me: “In this rare and unusual circumstance, yes, you can get your money back.”

Caller: “Oh, thank you so much! You’ve just made my day!”

Me: “Not a problem, ma’am. Thank you for being such an understanding customer.”

(Imagine that. Almost every day I’ve worked there, I’ve had unhappy customers try to argue with me over our policy, and the one person who would’ve had a valid argument chooses to abide by it!)

Page 3/3,86512345...Last
« Previous
Next »