Dusting Off Those Old Prices

I used to work in a small liquor store that was attached to a parent supermarket chain. We were right at the entrance to a mall, beside the outdoor car park.

On this occasion, I was updating the specials ticketing on the shelves by myself on a quiet morning, when a customer came in and started milling about where I was, by the boxed/cask wine, making little huffing noises to herself.

Me: “Something I can help you with?”

Customer: “These boxes are three dollars cheaper at the store across the car park.”

It was probably true. There was another liquor store about fifty metres away across the car park, and they were usually a little cheaper than us.

Me: “Sorry, but these are our prices. You can always go across to the other store if you want the better deal.”

Customer: “But I’m here now. I want you to make a better deal for me.”

This was a corporate store. Not even my manager could change prices like that. But also, what liquor shop has ever worked on haggling rates? I could see the other store through the window from where I was standing. The sun was shining.

Me: “I can’t change prices like that, I’m sorry.”

Customer: *With an exceptionally self-righteous tone* “You’re changing them right now!”

I was done with this.

Me: “Ah, see these are all coming off special. And I’ll let you in on a little secret! Our prices are slightly higher due to our proprietary pixie dust blend. Unfortunately, belief in pixies has fallen off, and it’s decimated their population, so we’ve sadly had to raise the prices. Supply and demand. Now, if you clap your hands and loudly proclaim, ‘I DO BELIEVE IN PIXIES!’, then you should see the prices actually fall right before your eyes!”

The customer was staring in shock, clearly winding up to really give it to me.

Me: “Or you could have walked across the parking lot and gotten your cheaper wine in as much time as it took me to tell you about our specials system.”

Customer: *Storms out*

The next day my manager pulls me into the back room about a complaint he’d received about me. 

Manager: *Chuckling* “I recognised the voice on the phone immediately. She’s tried that on everyone. Maybe next time just leave the fairies out of it.”