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The best of our most recent stories!

Raise The Stakes And They’ll Call Your Bluff

, , , , , | Working | September 17, 2021

I had a coworker who was really very good at his job — when he wanted to be. He was rather lazy and didn’t really show initiative. One day, he decided he wasn’t making enough money, so he almost stopped working altogether. He did the bare minimum to keep his job.

After about two months of this (and numerous counseling sessions with the boss), he marched into the boss’s office and demanded an almost 40% raise or he’d quit.  

The boss told him that wasn’t possible and wished him well in his new job.

The next day, the coworker came in and tried to retract this, but the boss said no, too late.

Moral of the story: before you threaten to quit, make sure you are actually valuable.

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Fluent In English And Jerk

, , , , | Right | September 16, 2021

I’m originally from a small town in Southern Italy, but I study foreign languages — one of which is English — in a big city. During summer holidays, I go back home and occasionally work in different supermarkets giving out free samples of new products. I work for an agency, not for the supermarket, and I rarely work in the same place enough to know where stuff is.

In summer 2019, I am minding my own business, giving out free samples of mozzarella. This guy comes up to me.

Customer: *In English* “Where are the chips?”

He talks VERY slowly, but we rarely get any foreign tourists, so I assume most people he has spoken to didn’t know English very well.

I don’t know where the chips are, so I try to tell him I don’t work here.

Me: “Sorry, I don’t—”

He cuts me off, thinking I am about to say, “I don’t speak English,” turns to his wife, and says something along the lines of:

Customer: “Jesus, do these people even go to school?”

Then, he turns to me and starts describing chips (I think) with his hands. I am starting to get really annoyed. First of all, YOU are in Italy, talking to an Italian in English, being outraged that I don’t speak YOUR language. Second, I do speak English, but you cut me off before I could answer.

Me: “Sir, I know what chips are. I just don’t know where they are located specifically in this store. As you can see from my attire and my badge, I’m not employed by the supermarket. I work for an independent agency. Oh! And I did go to school. I can actually speak five languages. How many can you speak?”

His face turned red. He mumbled something and left. I hope he never found the chips.

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Attack Of The Math!

, , , , , , , | Working | September 17, 2021

I went through the drive-thru and ordered chicken nuggets. The order total was $4.06. When I got to the payment window, there was a trainee there along with a trainer. I handed the cashier $5.06. Simple math, right? $5.06 – $4.06 = $1? Apparently not.

She opens the calculator app on her phone and calculates… something. I don’t know what. The trainer then stops her and says “let me check” and then TAKES OUT HER PHONE AND CALCULATES THE TOTAL. The trainee then proceeds to open the change drawer and give me $.94 change.

Me: “No, you owe me a dollar. I gave you five dollars and six cents and the order costs four dollars and six cents, so the difference is one dollar.

Trainer: “No, sir, we calculated it correctly. You’re due 96 cents.”

Not the 94 cents they gave me.

Me: “What about the six pennies I gave you?” 

She sighed a big sigh and then gave me a nickel. I never did get through to them that it was wrong and just left because I was in a hurry.

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Aren’t Kids Just The Cutest?

, , , , | Related | September 17, 2021

Our family has an odd little habit: if we want a kiss, we hold up our finger to the person and they kiss it, and then we press it to our cheek or lips. Of course, we kiss normally, too! This is just a quirk we enjoy.

When my daughter was little, she came running up to me with her finger held out.

Daughter: “Mummy! Mummy!”

I bent down and kissed the finger.

Daughter: “I had a poo and my finger went through the toilet paper!”

I went and washed my mouth out with soap.

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Open Mouth, Insert Anesthetized Foot

, , , , , , | Healthy | September 17, 2021

I have suffered two bad ingrown toenails, one on each big toe. The first was handled by my general practitioner with general anesthesia. I didn’t know better at the time, but this was serious overkill. I got the whole hospital gown and recovery room treatment. When my other toe needed the same treatment, I went to a podiatrist. I told him the story of my first toe.

Podiatrist: “Well, that’s a GP for you; they don’t know how to anesthetize a toe. Well, let’s get you all fixed up.”

At that point, he zaps my toe and we wait a bit. He starts to touch my toe with the scalpel.

Me: “Um, I can feel that.”

Podiatrist: “What? That should be completely numb by now.”

Wonderful. It turns out that I’m one of the very few people whose nerve for the tip of their toe grows on the opposite side of the toe. He got me properly numbed, but I still laugh at the irony of him fussing that my previous doctor couldn’t properly numb my toe.

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