Sounds Like They’ve Had Too Many Already

, , , , , | Right | January 18, 2018

(I am sitting at bar in restaurant and lady walks up and orders a “Virgin Screwdriver,” which makes me snort.)

Customer: *turning to me* “What?”

Me: “You could have just ordered an orange juice.”

Customer: “I don’t want an orange juice. I want a Virgin Screwdriver.”

Bartender: “A Virgin Screwdriver is orange juice.”

Customer: “No, it’s not; it’s a Screwdriver without alcohol.”

Bartender: “A Screwdriver is just orange juice and tequila or vodka. If I take out the tequila—”

Customer: *interrupts* “I don’t want you to take out the tequila. You’re supposed to leave it in. Just take out the alcohol.”

(The debate continued for a bit longer before the lady decided on a normal Tequila Screwdriver and told the bartender:)

Customer: “But if I get in a wreck because I’m drunk, it’s your fault!”

The Pump Is On But Nobody’s Home

, , , | Right | January 17, 2018

(I’ve already had a particularly bad morning. Due to nightmares, I didn’t get much sleep. The coworker that gives me my keys to the fuel station is very late, and once I finally open up shop I’m swamped with customers for two hours because the pay-at-the-pump system is malfunctioning. Prepay works just fine. This customer interaction happens while tech support is on the phone, fixing the problem.)

Me: “Hello. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Hey, I don’t know what’s going on. I’m trying to use my card outside and it’s not working. I don’t know what’s going on.”

Me: “Yeah, I think pay-at-the-pump is messing up. I’m already on the phone with tech support trying to fix it.”

Customer: “So, then, it’s not working?”

Me: “Outside, it’s not, but you can pay in here and it’ll work fine. I just need an amount to set the prepay.”

Customer: “So… it’s not working?”

(I try not to repeat myself verbatim, out of fear of sounding snarky towards her.)

Me: “Pay-at-the-pump is not, no, but if you pay in here, it’ll work just fine.”

Customer: “Okay, it’s not; I’ll just go somewhere else.”

(As she left, the customer behind her, who heard everything, paid by card to prepay his own pump, and the transaction went through with no issue.)

There’s No Saving Her From That Grouch

, , , , | Right | January 17, 2018

(We have a customer who is always rude, but we treat her with as much respect as any other customer. She always orders a large cappuccino, and despite the fact that it’s not standard to put chocolate on it, she demands angrily for “no chocolate on top” every time. She has also been known to cancel transactions for silly reasons like us asking her name. For some reason, she has taken a particular dislike to me over all of my other coworkers. I have recently been made Coffee Master for the store, and I have the shirt to go along with it. I am wearing it at the time. I am stocking ice and cleaning the cold beverage station when I hear the automatic doors open and look over my shoulder.)

Grouchy Customer: *walks in and looks up*

Me: “Hi! What can I get for you?”

Grouchy Customer: “Hmph!” *walks out*

(The supervisor just about wet herself laughing.)

They’re Not Deserving Of Any Credit

, , , , , , | Right | January 17, 2018

(It’s a normal evening at my store. I am checking out a long line of people when an older man in sunglasses hands me his credit card. I take it at first, thinking it’s our rewards card.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not allowed to touch your card; it’s company policy.”

Customer: “I don’t care. You swipe it. It’s your machine, so you swipe it!”

Me: *scanning his items, attempting to give him back his card* “Sir, please take your card. I’m really not supposed to touch them or swipe them for you.”

Customer: “IT’S YOUR MACHINE! YOU DO IT!”

Me: *giving up, as at this point my line has grown by four people* “Credit or debit?”

Customer: “Figure it out!”

(I run the card as credit, then return it to him.)

Customer: *nastily* “It’s just good customer service!”

Second-Hand Taxation

, , , | Right | January 17, 2018

(Occasionally, I help out at a second-hand shop in a small town. Customers think that because it is a second-hand shop, they can bargain any price they want. We don’t bargain. Prices are as marked. This doesn’t stop customers from trying, though.)  

Customer: “I want these items. It’s tax time, so you better have something worked out for me. See what you can do for me.”

Me: “Uh…”

(The customer waves me away as he walks away to continue shopping for basic kitchen items and household décor. A few minutes later, the customer comes to the counter with his wife, ready to purchase his items.)

Me: “Okay, that’s $10 in total.”

Customer: “Yeah. but it’s tax time. It should be less.”

Me: “Sir, this is a second-hand store. Your total is $10. I can’t make any further discounts.”

Customer’s Wife: “Oh, for goodness sake. It’s only $10. Don’t be so cheap, darling!”

(He quickly relented and paid the $10, then left with his wife who was laughing at his attempts. I don’t know what tax time has to do with getting a discount on small, used household items from a second-hand shop.)

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