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Brunch = Brain Crunch

, , , , | Working | December 3, 2021

I’m at a restaurant with the option to order at your table through a mobile device. While browsing the menu, I see an entry labeled “Brunch Special” with no other description. Curious, I flag down the nearest staff person, a busser.

Me: “Hi, can you tell me what the brunch special is?”

Busser: “Oh, uh, I don’t think we do brunch specials here. I’m not sure what that is. We do have something that we’re only serving today, though.”

Me: “Great. What is it?”

Busser: “I don’t know. I’ll find your waitress.”

The waitress comes over. I repeat my question about the brunch special.

Waitress: “I don’t know what that is on the menu. We don’t do brunch specials. There is something that’s only available today. Would you like to hear about that?”

Me: “Sure, yes.”

The not-brunch-special-special turned out to be pineapple upside-down pancakes, and yes, they were only available that day, for brunch.

Momzilla Of The Bride

, , | Right | December 3, 2021

I work at a bridal shop that also sells a variety of bridesmaid, mother-of-the-bride, and special occasion/prom dresses. A woman is looking for a dress for her daughter’s wedding in a specific color.

Customer: “Is it true that if I wanted a certain dress—” *gestures to a black dress we have on the rack* “—but needed it in a different color, you could order that for me?”

Me: “No, we are only able to order different colors in bridesmaid dresses. For mother-of-the-bride dresses, we only sell what you see on the racks here.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

I go back to my other work responsibilities and the customer approaches me a few minutes later.

Customer: “I am looking for a dress in [specific color] but I didn’t see any where you showed me earlier.”

Me: “Oh, yes. Our mother-of-the-bride dresses actually don’t come in that color. We do, however, have a few similar color dresses. Did you see those ones?”

Customer: “I did, but they won’t work.”

Me: “Okay, no worries! If you’re needing that color, let me show you some of our bridesmaid dresses that come in that color to see if you like anything!”

It is very common for mothers of brides and grooms to buy a bridesmaid dress instead; they often like the styles more as they are less matronly. I go through my whole thing, telling her about the styles and how we can order the dress in the color she wants. She rollss her eyes and looks at the dresses in disgust.

Customer: “Like I already told you before, I don’t need a bridesmaid dress. I’m not a bridesmaid. Do you even know what a mother-of-the-bride dress is?”

She then describes what a mother-of-the-bride dress is, which I already know because I work at a DRESS store. I’m shocked at the sudden change of attitude and the pure audacity.

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I know what a mother-of-the-bride dress is, but as I told you before, we don’t have that color in the dress you’re looking for. The bridesmaid section will be your best option to find that color dress. That’s why I brought you over here.”

She walked out a few minutes later and didn’t buy anything. Not surprising.

How To Floor A Racist

, , , | Right | December 2, 2021

I am organizing the installation of flooring for an older customer.

Customer: “I don’t want any black men to install my flooring.”

Me: *After a pause* “We don’t select which individuals exactly will install the floor; you’ll get who you get.”

She had a fit about it, demanded white installers, and asked to speak to my manager.

I’m so glad she did because my manager is a real big black dude with a black-sounding name.

Turns out she didn’t want to speak to the manager after all.

The Husband And Wife Do Not Make A Good Crossfit

, , , , , | Right | December 3, 2021

A woman comes in with a return. At first glance, it’s no big deal, just coming in to return a shirt. She hands me the receipt to start processing and we exchange a pleasant greeting.

I take the shirt out of the bag to examine it and it is beyond disgusting. There are brown sweat stains all over it, from the pits to the stomach to the shoulder. It looks like whoever wore it rolled in mud or some nonsense.

Me: “I cannot return the product because it has clearly been used, and only unused and re-sellable items can be returned.”

Customer: “That’s a lie!”

I hold up the shirt and point to the brown pit stains.

Me: “Can’t you see these stains?”

Customer: “Get me your manager!”

I am the manager and I’m not budging! After several minutes of complaining, she finally leaves.

Customer: “I’ll be complaining to corporate and getting you fired!”

Fast forward a few days. A guy walked into the store, found the first store associate he could, and immediately asked for me by name. Uh-oh, here we go again. My associate brought the guy over to where I was standing, and I politely greeted him.

The guy spent the next ten minutes apologizing for his crazy wife verbally abusing my staff and me a few days prior. Apparently, the guy went to the beach and did some type of CrossFit training class IN THE SAND. His wife knew all of this; she was at the class with him! The guy ended up not liking the shirt for some reason and his wife thought she could pull a fast one on us by making a scene.

Her Friends Are As Red As Her Hair

, , | Right | December 3, 2021

A diner has put her own hair in her half-eaten plate of food and is now throwing a royal fit.

Customer: “I demand that my meal be comped, and I want to speak to the manager!”

I go into the back of the restaurant, pull out the orange hair with three inches of regrowth, and ask the Mexican guys in the kitchen:

Me: “HEY, DID ANY OF YOU BRING A WIG TO WORK TODAY?”

They tell me to f*** off. I go back out to the customer:

Me: “Ma’am, nobody on staff has red hair with blonde roots.”

I say this while staring directly at her disastrous dye job.

Me: “However, the manager said we would be happy to buy dessert for the whole table to make up for this strange phenomenon.”

The four other people at the table were clearly mortified and declined dessert. She ordered cheesecake and they all sat there and glared at her while she devoured it.