Violating The Universal Amount Of Cream

, , , | Right | August 13, 2020

My wife and I own a coffee shop. One day, a customer comes in and asks for a free cup of coffee because the last time she was in the drive-thru her coffee was “undrinkable.”

Wife: “Yes, of course. Can I ask what was wrong with your coffee?”

Customer: “It had the wrong amount of cream!”

She pulls out her smartphone.

Wife: “This is what your coffee looked like; this is what coffee should look like.”

She scrolls back and forth several times between photos of coffee from above.

Wife: “Your coffee. My coffee. Your coffee. My coffee.”

She apparently thought there was a universal amount of cream that should be added to coffee and we violated that standard.

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Would You Cheese Be More Specific

, , , , | Right | August 13, 2020

I pick online orders at a grocery store. Customers forget to add one or two items to their orders all the time. It’s no big deal to add on a forgotten item to the order. I have just finished shopping an order and I call the customer to discuss an out-of-stock item. She is okay with my substitution, and she adds this comment.

Customer: “So, I couldn’t figure out how to add one thing to my online cart when I was trying to place the order.”

Me: “Okay, what did you want to add?”

Customer: “I believe it was the chunk cheese.”

Me: “All right, which type did you want?”

Customer: “Yeah, it was the chunk cheese. It wouldn’t let me add that.”

Me: “I can grab it for you and add it to your order. Which kind did you want?”

Customer: “The chunk cheese.”

Me: *Mental head-desk* “What type of chunk cheese did you want?”

Customer: “It’s buy-one-get-one.”

Me: “Okay, did you have a specific type in mind?”

Customer: “Yes, one mild and one sharp.”

I decided it’s not worth it to ask for a brand, especially since I can look for the BOGO price tag.

Me: “Okay, I will grab that for you.”

Customer: “Are you able to add that to my order?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Yes. I will add one mild cheddar and one sharp cheddar chunk cheese that’s BOGO to your order. Is there anything else you would like to add?”

Customer: “No, that was it.”

Me: *Internally* “Thank God for that.”

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Check Yourself Before You Self-Checkout, Part 4

, , , , , | Right | August 12, 2020

We have a national coin shortage due to the health crisis. As a result, our self-checkouts are credit or debit card only. There are bright orange signs in front of the self-checkout area and at each station.

As soon as you scan your first item, there is a prompt reminding you that it’s cards only and asking if you want to proceed. You have to press “no” or “yes” to continue. “Yes” is the second option.

Having read many stories of people managing to ignore the most blatant signs on this site, I have to ask the person manning the area a question.

Me: “Do people still try to pay with cash?”

Cashier: “All day long!”

Check Yourself Before You Self-Checkout, Part 3
Check Yourself Before You Self-Checkout, Part 2
Check Yourself Before You Self-Checkout

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Multiple Choice Croissants

, , , , | Right | August 12, 2020

I’m working at a coffee shop inside a university. It’s exam season. Two girls walk in, looking pale and haggard and rubbing their eyes.

Girl: “Can I please get a coffee and a croissant?”

Me: “Okay! What size coffee?”

Girl: “Oh, yeah, [size].”

Me: “Anything in it?”

Girl: “Oh, sorry, [specification].”

Me: “And what kind of croissant?”

Girl: *Deflating* “Oh, my God… Plain…” *To her friend* “And I have to do an exam like this!”

Me: “Up all night studying?”

Girl: “Yes.”

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You Will Need To Call A Different Branch

, , , | Right | August 12, 2020

I work for the fire department. I get this call from the public.

Caller: “Can you come and cut down the branches from a tree in my yard?”

Me: “No, sir, we do not do branch—”

Caller: “But my kids could die! You’re supposed to save lives, not kill people.”

Me: “Our staff is not trained in the proper way to remove branches. We suggest you call an arborist since they have the proper training and equipment.”

Caller: “But I pay your salary, not theirs. You are required to help me!”

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