They Asked For Your ID Card, Not Your Race Card

, , , , | Right | November 21, 2017

(I’m a bouncer at a sports bar located just outside of a rough neighborhood. Due to the location, we have a long list of people who are no longer allowed entry for various reasons: starting fights, selling drugs, etc. Because of this, we are required to check every patron’s ID upon entry, regardless of age. One night a staff member, who is white, walks in for his shift, so there is no need for me check his ID. Behind him is a [not Caucasian] man who tries to enter when:)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, but I need to see your ID.”

Customer: “Uh, why?”

Me: “We have a list of people who we are not allowed to let in, and I need to verify that you are not on this list.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you check his ID?” *pointing to the staff member I just let in*

Me: “Because he’s an employee.”

Customer: *raises eyebrow* “Oh, I see; so, because I’m [race], you think I’m on the banned list. Is that it?!”

Me: “Absolutely not. I’m required to check everyone’s ID upon entry.”

Customer: “You racist motherf*****; so, you only check [race] IDs, huh?! I’d like to speak to a manager!”

(I call my manager over and he tells him the same thing: the person I let in was an employee and didn’t need his ID checked.)

Customer: “I don’t care who he is; if he doesn’t need his ID checked, then neither do I!”

Manager: “Sir, I’m sorry, but if you don’t show us your ID, you cannot come into the bar.”

Customer: “This is BULLS***! I’m suing this place for discrimination. I’ll see your a**es in court!”

(The customer angrily stormed off. Later that night, my coworker informed me that the same guy was thrown out two weeks prior for causing a scene when the bartender cut him off. Sure enough, his name was on the banned list.)

Ever-Increasing Heights Of Ignorance

, , , | Right | November 21, 2017

Customer: “Hi, where’s [Owner]? I haven’t seen him here for the past few days.”

Me: “He’s actually gone to Mount Everest. He wants to climb to the base camp for his 50th.”

Customer: “Oh, how exciting!”

(A couple of days later.)

Customer: “Hi, is [Owner] still climbing the North Pole?”

Me: “Uh… He’s at Mount Everest.”

Customer: *blank stare* “Yes.”

(She kept asking me whether he was “still at the North Pole” until he eventually came back.)

The Crab-Cake Is A Lie

, , , | Right | November 21, 2017

(I work as a seafood clerk at a grocery store. One day we are having a special on crab cakes so we are particularly busy. After helping more than ten people in a row, there are two customers left: an elderly woman, and a man in his mid-30s with his daughter who is no older than six. Due to the rush, I am not sure who is next.)

Me: “I can help whoever was next.”

(The woman glances over at the man, who is texting and paying no attention to me. She shrugs and approaches the counter.)

Customer #1: “Yes, I’ll have two crab cakes and one pound of popcorn shrimp, please.”

Me: “Coming right up.”

(As soon as I begin wrapping up her order, the man looks up from his cell phone.)

Customer #2: “Hey! Woah! Excuse me! I was next!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be with you as soon as I finish this order.”

Customer #2: “No, no, no! I was here first! Stop what you’re doing and take my order!”

Me: “Sir, I asked who was next and you didn’t respond. This will only take…”

Customer #2: *picks up his cart and slams it on the ground* “THIS IS BULLS***! I’ve been waiting here for twenty f****** minutes! I’m going to the front and speaking to management!”

(He grabs his daughter by the wrist and walks toward the front of the store.)

Customer #1: “Oh, my goodness.. He really shouldn’t be talking like that in front of his daughter.”

Me: “No, he shouldn’t be.”

(After about ten minutes, he returns.)

Customer #2: “I just spoke to your boss. He said you have to give me four free crab cakes due to your poor customer service.”

Me: *skeptical* “Okay… let me call the front and confirm.”

Customer #2: “What? Why? I just talked to him!”

Me: “Sir, I have to get permission from my supervisor before I can give out free items.”

Customer #2: “YOU’RE UN-F****ING-BELIEVABLE! You have to be the worst—”

(I tune out his screaming and call the front desk phone.)

Boss: “[Boss] speaking.”

Me: “Hello, sir, there’s a gentleman here that says you told him he could have free crab cakes; is that correct?”

Boss: “What? H*** no! I just got back from my lunch break.”

(I turned around and the man was nowhere to be seen.)

It Was A Woman, She Was Blue

, , , , , , | Right | November 21, 2017

Me: “[Company], how may I direct your call?”

Caller: “Someone just called me, but I don’t know who it was.”

Me: “Unfortunately, all of our calls come up as our switchboard number, so I’m not able to tell who it was, either.”

Caller: “She just called me, but I couldn’t understand anything she was saying.”

Me: “Unfortunately, unless you know the person’s name or what the call was about, I don’t know who to get you to.”

Caller: *as if this will clear everything up* “It was a woman.”

The Customer Menace

, , , , , , | Right | November 21, 2017

(It is Star Wars day this week, so the hotel where I work has decided to do a themed dinner. There are a lot of kids who are coming, so as a special treat the owner decides to show Episode One. My friends and I are big nerds and have our own costumes for conventions. When we hear about the dinner, we offer our costumes so the kids can get their pictures taken for free with Darth Vader, a stormtrooper, and Princess Leia. We also offer a Q&A session. The kids are having a great time. An older, visibly annoyed customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Yes, sir? How can I help?”

Customer: “Would it be possible to change the film to a good one?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I’m afraid I can’t. Can I ask the reason why you would like it changed? Perhaps there might be something I can do?”

Customer: “First of all, the kids aren’t even paying attention.” *points to two kids playing with lightsabers on the other side of the room* “Besides, this new generation needs to be educated on the classics.”

Me: “Sir, most of the kids are paying attention to the film. In fact, it’s only those two who are playing who aren’t paying attention. We chose this film especially because of the large number of kids that have come.”

Customer: “The originals are far better than this s***!”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to watch your language.”

Customer: “F*** you. I’m not done yet.”

Me: “Sir! There are young children around! Please stop swearing!”

(The customer stand up, grabs my shirt, and pulls me close to his face. I can smell a large amount of alcohol on his breath, and I’m starting to get a little bit scared.)

Customer: “You listen to me. I will say what I want, where I want.” *lets me go* “Now, go and get the manager so I can talk to someone who’s intelligent.”

(I get the manager. He is dressed up as a stormtrooper.)

Customer: “Finally, someone who’s a true fan. I’m sure you can understand wanting to change the film. That costume is fantastic. Where did you get it?”

Manager: “Sir, we will not change the film because you have been so rude. We would have been happy to change it to what you wanted once it was finished, but we’re not going to do that now. Besides, you have attacked a member of my staff. Now, please calm down and watch the film or you will be ejected from the premises.”

(The customer is still angry, but sits down.)

Customer: “You still never answered about the costume.”

Manager: “Actually, this costume belongs to the waiter you were so rude to.”

(The customer’s jaw drops by about an inch and he stares at me. In my best Darth Sidious voice, I say:)

Me: “Good. Let the hate flow through you.”

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