Now I Want One Of Those

, , , | | Right | May 24, 2018

(I am sixteen years old, and I just moved from New York to South Carolina. I still have a heavy New York accent, and I’m a fast talker. I work in a restaurant with coupons for free souvenirs: a cup, a lighter or a koozie.)

Customer: *with heavy southern accent* “This coupon here says I get a free gift. What’s my free gift?”

Me: “A cup, a lighter, or a koozie.”

Customer: “What’s a cupalighter?”

Me: “No, a cup, a lighter, or a koozie.” *trying to speak slower*

Customer: “I know what you said; what’s a cupalighter?”

Me: “Sigh. A cup. OR a lighter. Or a koozie.”

Customer: “Oh! You ain’t from around here are you?”

Me: “No.”

You Can’t Be Citrus

, , , , | | Right | May 24, 2018

(I work in an ice cream shop. I am serving a middle-aged customer.)

Customer: “Do you have a lemon?”

Me: “Do… Do I have a lemon?”

Customer: “Yeah. A lemon.”

Me: “A lemon drink?”

Customer: “A lemon.”

Me: “A lemon?”

Customer: “A lemon.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “A squeezable lemon.”

Me: “A squeezable lemon.”

Customer: “A squeezable lemon.”

Me: “There’s a grocery store across the street.”

Customer: “They don’t have a squeezable lemon.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I just… We don’t sell squeezable lemons.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because we sell ice cream.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “I don’t understand.”

Notified Defied

, , , , | | Right | May 24, 2018

(I work for a very large banking company in their call center. My job includes calling customers who are past due on their retail store credit cards to attempt to collect payment.)

Me: “Hello, may I please speak to [Card Member]?”

Client: “This is he.”

Me: “This is [My Name] calling from [Bank] on behalf of [Store]. It seems your payment is a little past due, so we just wanted to see if you could make a payment today for [amount].”

Client: “I made a payment. It shouldn’t be past due. I have my bank’s bill pay set up to send you a payment every month.”

Me: “I do see we received a payment from you. However, the payment you sent was less than the minimum due. The unpaid amount is unfortunately past due.”

Client: “But [amount paid] has always been the amount due each month!”

Me: “I apologize for the confusion. Your minimum payment amount is a percentage of your total account balance. I see you had a lower balance in the past, but you recently made additional purchases, which increased your card balance, which increased your minimum payment. Would you be able to take care of that payment today?”

Client: “But why didn’t anyone tell me the minimum payment increased?!”

Me: “I see we did send you out a statement to the address on file, so I apologize if you did not see the statement. Has your address changed?”

Client: “No, I received the statement. But no one reads paper statements anymore! Why didn’t you call or text me to notify me of the increase?”

Me: “I apologize, sir. We do have a very large number of cardholders and don’t have the ability to call or text every one of them every time their minimum payment changes. I certainly apologize. Would you be able to make a payment today?”

Client: “But no one reads paper statements anymore!”

Me: “You do have the option to sign up for e-billing so you’ll receive your statements via email. But by law, we are required to send out a paper statement each month to the mailing address on file, unless and until the card holder personally requests to change their statement method to paperless.”

Client: “But no one reads paper statements anymore!”

Me: “Again, I apologize sir. Would you be able to take care of a payment today, or do you know when you’d be able to?”

Client: “But this isn’t fair! No one reads paper statements anymore! How was I supposed to know?! Why didn’t anyone call or text me?!”

Me: “Again, I apologize, sir. Unfortunately, that’s not something we’re set up for. Would I be able to take care of that payment today?”

(This back-and-forth went on for quite awhile, with the customer just unable to comprehend why we “didn’t notify him” of the amount he owed. I never was able to collect any payment from him.)

If The Sexism Glove Fits…

, , , , | | Right | May 24, 2018

(I work in a popular toy store. We are having a rather busy evening, and I am walking back to my section after assisting someone. I see a customer looking around as though trying to find something, so I offer to help. I’m a male.)

Me: “Did you need help with something?”

Customer: “Yes, I need to find a baseball glove for my son.”

Me: “Oh, it’s right this way.”

(I begin to usher the customer to the sporting section, and I see my female coworker walking towards us with a baseball glove.)

Coworker: “Here you are, ma’am. We only carry this type of baseball glove.”

Me: *to the customer* “Oh, you already had someone assisting you? Why didn’t you say so?”

Coworker: “Well, you’re a guy. I figured you would know where they are.”

Me: “I assure you that all of the workers here are capable enough to find a simple baseball glove.”

The Couponator 6: The Coupon Awakens

, , , , , | | Right | May 24, 2018

(Just 30 minutes from closing time, a last customer comes into the store with a few items. They want to use a special store coupon that requires a person to spend a certain amount of money to earn the discount.)

Me: “Hello, sir, welcome to [Store]. Are you enrolled in our rewards program.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “All right, then.”

(I then begin to scan the customer’s items, and turn the monitor toward him to see the prices as they ring up. He stops me as I hit a pair a glasses.)

Customer: “Uh, that’s not the right price; those glasses are supposed to be 30% off.”

Me: “Okay, just give me one second to check that.”

(I leave the register to where the glasses are located, and find out he is correct. I then head back to the register without a word and adjust the price.)

Customer: “Oh! I also have this $30-off coupon that I got, but I didn’t realise it expired on the third.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir.”

Customer: “Is their any way you can see if it will still accept it?”

(Scanning the coupon, I try to see if our system will still accept it, but it does not.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, but the system won’t take it anymore.”

Customer: “All right, I want to speak to a manager, then.”

(Agitated, I grab a nearby radio, and call for a manager to my department. I discover my radio has died, so I leave to the nearby jewelry counter to ask an associate to call a manager for me and head back to wait for my manager.)

Manager: “What’s going on here?”

(The customer proceeds to explain the current situation to him.)

Manager: “All right, just take ten dollars off the three items, anyway.”

(Frustrated, I manually adjust the prices of the items and my manager leaves.)

Me: “Okay. Your new total is $43.75.”

Customer: “Hmm, that’s still not right.”

(Manually adjusting the price automatically removes any sales prices on them. So I tinker even further on the prices. By this point, the system is denying my price changes.)

Me: “Your new total is $35.25.”

Customer: “Still not the right price.”

(Frustrated, I throw in a manual twenty dollar discount.)

Me: “Total… is $15.25.”

Customer: “That’s better, thank you.”

(He swiped his card. I bagged his items and handed him his receipt.)

The Couponator 5: Online Decline
The Couponator 4: Deadly Discounts
The Couponator 3: Rise Of The Coupons

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