The best of our most recent stories!

Who Knew You Could Mess Up Instant Ramen?

, , , , | Related | March 1, 2021

My eight-year-old nephew has just learned to make the “add water and microwave” ramen bowls. His eleven-year-old brother figures, if his little brother can do it, how hard can it be? After popping one in the microwave, he falls back on one of his favorite Sibling Activities, gloating.

Older Nephew: “Look, I know how to cook ramen better than you!”

[Younger Nephew] looks around his brother at the microwave and says, completely deadpan:

Younger Nephew: “Your ramen is on fire.”

We quickly put the fire out to find that [Older Nephew] had neglected to actually read the instructions and hadn’t added water. It took three days for the smell of smoke to go away and we had to buy a new microwave.

At thirteen now, his cooking skills haven’t improved much, but at least he learned not to gloat about them. We also learned to keep a closer eye on him in the kitchen.

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In These Complaints For The Long Haul

, , , | Right | March 1, 2021

My bank branch is closing. However, there’s another one a few miles away, as well as several others in a thirty-minute radius, so it’s not like we’re leaving customers high and dry. However, since this location is in a small town, we get an earful. Here are some snippets of conversations I’ve had.

Customer #1: “What am I supposed to do now? You guys are closing!”

Me: “Well, there’s a branch on [Street], under ten minutes away.”

Customer #1: “I’m not driving over there.”

Me: “No problem. [City] has several branches, as well. Would you like the addresses?”

Customer #1: “You expect me to go all the way over there?! Do you know how long that drive is?!”

Me: “It’s twenty minutes, depending on traffic.”

Customer #1: “Well, don’t you just know everything.”

Or this one:

Customer #2: “What happens if I ever can’t get to that other branch?”

Me: “You are more than welcome to mail deposits in.”

Customer #2: “That doesn’t seem very secure.”

Me: “Have you set up online banking or our app? We offer free mobile deposits. You take a picture of your check and—”

Customer #2: “Nope. Don’t want it.”

Me: “Do you have a debit card? It’s free, and you can get cashback at stores or the ATM. I can order one for you.”

Customer #2: “No. I let my husband handle the cards.”

Me: “You can also call in, and we can do transfers and balance inquiries over the phone. That’s also free.”

Customer #2: “But what if someone hacks my phone? I don’t like any of this. What else can I do?”

Me: *Pauses* “Close your account?”

Customer #2: “Oh, no. I like you guys too much to do that. But I don’t understand how I’m supposed to do my banking when you close.”

Me: *Eye twitches* 

Or, my personal favorite, after three weeks’ worth of complaints:

Customer #3: *In the middle of a rant* “…and you people closing this branch is not providing good customer service!”

Me: “[Customer], as we’ve told you before, you know that this wasn’t our decision.”

Customer #3: *Loud sigh* “FINE. I’ll go to that other branch. But I can’t believe you are making me do my banking all the way over there.”

Me: “It’s less than ten minutes down the road.” 

Customer #3: “That’s quite a drive, young lady.”

Me: “Aren’t you a long-haul trucker?”

[Customer #3] glared at me, snatched his receipt off the counter, and stormed out the door. However, there were no further complaints from him!

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Can It And Just Look In The Back!

, , , | Right | March 1, 2021

A customer flags me down. He is standing by the canned vegetables which are on sale for five for $5 or something like that.

Customer: “You’re out of those green beans. Are there any more in the back?”

He points to a hole on a shelf that’s arm level. I look on the shelf and see a whole bunch shoved to the back.

Me: “Actually, there’s some in the back. How many did you want?”

Customer: “No, there aren’t any on the shelf. You need to go to the back and check.”

I pull out a can and hand it to him.

Me: “There’s still some on the shelf. How many did you want?”

Customer: “Five, but there aren’t any more on the shelf.”

He continues to rant about how I have to go into the back. I say nothing as I reach back and pull all the cans to the front of the shelf. I hand him his five cans.

Me: “There you are.”

Customer: “You still need to get more from the back. There’s none on the shelf.”

I look at the fifteen or so cans still on the shelf.

Me: “Okay.”

The customer grumbled as he walked away. It’s not my fault he was too lazy to bend over two inches to look for more cans on that shelf. And I know it was laziness since I saw him bending over to get a bunch of stuff off the bottom shelf later that day.

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Being Helpful Has A Musicality To It

, , , , | Right | February 28, 2021

As an avid musician, I like to go to music stores and shop around, looking at different instruments. I’m in a music shop near where I live, browsing the orchestral section. I’ve ordered a new trumpet and bass trombone and am just waiting for it to be brought out from the warehouse. I’m dressed in a navy blue jacket with a white shirt on, similar to the uniform of the shop.

An elderly couple walks up to me and asks a question.

Elderly Woman: “Excuse me, sir, would you be able to tell me where I could find [percussion instrument]?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

Elderly Woman: “Would you be able to help me find this instrument?”

She then shows me a picture of said instrument.

Me: “I’ll have a look around for you. I’m not a drummer or percussionist by trade, rather a brass musician, but I’ll try and help.”

We look, and I am unable to find it.

Elderly Man: “Would you be able to look at your store guide to help us find this?”

Me: “I don’t actually have a store guide, as I’m not an employee, but I figured that I’d try and help. It’ll be best to see an employee about it.”

Couple: “Okay.”

They go and ask about it and order their instruments. An employee announces that my instruments are ready for collection. I see that there are two large boxes and an additional small box that I did not order.

Me: “Why is there that additional box? I only ordered two items.”

Employee: “The couple over there told us of your generosity and how you tried to help them, and we figured you deserved a reward for it.”

Me: *To the couple and the employee* “Thank you so much.”

It was a Harmon mute, which I’d been looking for for a while.

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The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 20

, , , , | Right | March 1, 2021

I am a front-end supervisor at a popular discount retail chain. I overhear my main cashier next to me having problems with a customer.

Customer: *Yelling* “I don’t understand! Why are you giving me a store credit for a gift I received?”

This is the second time this customer has yelled at my cashier, so I tell the cashier to move to my till to take care of the other customers in line.

Me: “Hello, I’m the supervisor. Can I look at your receipt?”

She hands me a gift receipt which is only valid for store credit.

Me: “Oh, okay! You see that this is a gift receipt? This is only valid for store credit. It’s because it doesn’t act as an actual receipt from the original buyer who used cash, debit, or credit for the original purchase.”

Customer: “I don’t want anything from this store, so give me cash or call your manager.”

I try as hard as possible to refrain from calling a manager just because they are going to give the same answer I have already provided.

Me: “I am the front-end supervisor and can assure you that nothing can be done from the gift receipt. If you contact the family member that gave it to you then they probably have the receipt and can return it for you.”

Customer: “Look. The person that gave this to me is someone I don’t like, and I do not want to contact them.” 

Me: “Okay.” 

I process the return normally and give her a store credit with the amount of the item that was returned.

Me: “Your store credit has $21.39 on it. It never expires, so if you don’t find a suitable replacement today, just keep it with you until next time. Thank you!”

The customer looked speechless and accepted the store credit after I processed it. Sometimes you have to ignore the anger and do the procedure anyway. She walked away and actually found a few items she wanted.

The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 19
The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 18
The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 17
The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 16
The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 15

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